Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2000
1st - Tom Myers with:
Suspicious character =
Has curious practices.
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Compound interest =
Prudent economist.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome =
No medicine? Medics query, may find cure.
Don P. Fortier with:
It's not a nice dishwasher trait... =
Shit! I notice hard water stains!
Jon Gearhart with:
Tax increase =
An exact rise.
Jon Gearhart with:
Cautions soared entering ~
a dangerous intersection!
Richard Grantham with:
Dishwasher =
Heard "swish".
Richard Grantham with:
All His seraphim ~
shall praise Him.
Richard Grantham with:
Cockroaches =
Choose crack.
Richard Grantham with:
Bletchley Park's heroes ~
broke all these cyphers.
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Recurrent abdominal pain =
Mean, periodic antral burn.
Jaybur with:
Competition winner =
Now nice time on trip.
Meyran Kraus with:
Satan-Worshiping Cult =
Antichrist, plus a gown!
Janet Muggeridge with:
Mountain of laundry =
Malodour ain't funny.
Judson Pewther with:
Who permuted "Melissa Joan Hart?" =
Judson Thomas Pewther, a mailer.
eq.1st - Richard Brodie with:
Venus de Milo =
I'm love's nude.
eq.1st - Tom Myers with:
Britney Spears, live, on the stage =
Tiny teen. Gasp! I love her breasts!
3rd - Graham Perkins with:
Romania beat England by three goals to two =
Battle won and lost. A beer... go home... try again.
David Bourke with:
Inspector Endeavour Morse =
So, report name is uncovered.
David Bourke with:
The singer Britney Spears =
Er, she's a pretty big sinner.
Larry Brash with:
The Escapologist Harry Houdini =
Royal hero is chained up so tight.
Whitney Cohen with:
Alanis Morissette tour =
Tori Amos: "A terse insult!"
Don P. Fortier with:
Nuclear secrets missing... =
Careless cretins musing!
Johnnie Burning Elk with:
I am not a number! I am a free man! =
I am number one at a mainframe.
Jon Gearhart with:
The American singing star, Britney Spears =
"Yes, I cram stranger's penis, biting near 'hat'."
Richard Grantham with:
O. Schindler's Ark =
Oskar's children.
Richard Grantham with:
Yes, Prime Minister =
Premise? Enmity, sir.
Jaybur with:
The pregnant Kate Winslet =
Then sweet-talking parent.
Jaybur with:
The Naked Chef marries =
Ha! I'd cake refreshment!
Jaybur with:
Gladiator star Russell Crowe and Meg Ryan =
Glittery sword, sandals: A regular romance.
Jaybur with:
The Famous Five: Julian, Dick, Anne, George and Timmy =
O gee, I find usual five: Grantham, Mey, Mick, Don, Janet.
Meyran Kraus with:
The marvelous book of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle =
Moor county, a roar - Hound of the Baskervilles.
Tom Myers with:
Famous Sculptor George Segal from the Pop Art School has died =
Cast a plaster form of ho-hum people. Good as gold. Sure gets rich.
Richard Peers with:
She Who Must Be Obeyed =
Who hubby does esteem!
Callum Stoner with:
So, Clark Kent is Superman =
Or, space-man likes trunks?
Mick Tully with:
The Silence of the Lambs =
FBI: "He's mean, to the cells!"
Mick Tully with:
The West Indies Cricket team =
Dire menace - hit test wickets.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Ethiopian war ceasefire =
A wish of peace in Eritrea.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
The weed, marijuana, is found in a search at Buckingham Palace =
Aha! Prince Edward on a high. Face it, man must be a casual junkie.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Anna beats Sandrine in first round =
Send on tennis star in bra: unafraid!
David Bourke with:
The Prince of Wales and Camilla Parker-Bowles =
"Clear snap? We formed a relationship well back!"
Don P. Fortier with:
D-Day Museum opened in New Orleans =
Unnamed soldiers wade up on enemy.
Meyran Kraus with:
North and South Korea =
To shake hand or to run?
Tom Myers with:
Comedy great Bob Hope in hospital with gastrointestinal condition =
Slipping, I estimate On The Road To Death - on location with Bing Crosby.
Tom Myers with:
The Judge in the MS antitrust case orders split =
Gates' statement: "Lord! This shit jurisprudence!"
Tom Myers with:
Cocaine Lollipops =
Poison, call police!
Tom Myers with:
Cocaine Center Lollipops =
Sole principle: to conceal.
Tom Myers with:
The current prices of gasoline =
Cruel foreigners, it's not cheap!
Tom Myers with:
Philip Neville, a Manchester United football player =
Evil blind foul! The price? Late penalty helps Romania.
Tom Myers with:
LA Lakers took the NBA title =
Better Skill. That O'Neal A-OK.
Tom Myers with:
The U.S. Justice Department sues to block the Worldcom-Sprint merger =
Court judgment tests phone carriers' mettle - the bloodsucker wimps.
Graham Perkins with:
Referee allows France's third goal in last minute =
Them snail 'n' garlic eaters ran well off-side route.
1st - Jaybur with:
A braless bosom =
A lass bobs more.
2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
Shit! I cannot poo! =
Oh? Constipation?
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Male Genitals =
Gentle salami.
David Bourke with:
Severe diarrhoea =
"Oh er! I've a red arse!"
David Bourke with:
Premature ejaculation =
Pearl juice ran out, mate!
Jon Gearhart with:
Improper touching =
O, I'm hip cunt-groper!
Jon Gearhart with:
Gastrointestinal disorder =
Tail's odor disintegrates RN.
Jon Gearhart with:
No underwear? =
Nude rear now!
Kevin Hale with:
Emergency Circumcision =
"I'm coming". Cure in secrecy!
Janet Muggeridge with:
Purchase Andrex recycled toilet paper =
Produce, expel crap; clean the dirty arse.
Tom Myers with:
Fifty Thousand Condoms for Sydney Olympic Athletes =
Cut-off the daisy chain? Send plenty, mostly for sodomy.
Mick Tully with:
BERLEI SHOCK-ABSORBER: ONLY THE BALL SHOULD BOUNCE =
Unhealthy leer, or check Russian doll's boob-bobble?
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
MAKE SURE YOUR RETURN ADDRESS IS ON YOUR ENVELOPE IN CASE OF ANY
MAIL PROBLEMS!
=
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're a porn-spammer ninny
And slime, so FUCK YOU!
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
GET $10,000 WITH ONLY 6 BUCKS!!! THIS IS NOT A SCAM!!! =
This baloney sucks! I want $10. Might cost, $6,000.
eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Guys, does the size of your penis concern you? =
No, creepy sod - 'cuz forty ins. is enough, you see.
Dan Fortier with:
very easy money - if u do it, it works =
Yet we avoid misery, for you stink!
Meyran Kraus with:
FREE! Software! FREE! Games! FREE! Movies! FREE! Music! =
FREE! Cow Gas! FREE! Mess! FREE! Vomit! FREE! I Am Refuse!
Mick Tully with:
come and see us at www.rose-queen-of-sex.com =
Awesome women! X-rated sequence of U.S. cows.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
We are seeking Motivated individuals for National expansion.
Do you have AT LEAST 10 hours a week to devote to a new venture?
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SOME INVESTMENT IS REQUIRED, however Start up funding is available.
If you are AT LEAST 18 years old, a U.S. resident and are CERTAIN you are ready for a new challenge in your life....
CLICK THE LINK BELOW, enter your information at our Website and we will contact you with complete details.
=
SONNET FROM DEBAUCHER GUY
(Writer: E. Barrett Browneye III)
How do we hate spam? Let me count the ways:
We loathe it like a vicious dose of clap;
Like Amway; searing coffee in your lap;
Or rat dung in our pot of mayonnaise.
'Tis like a pungent elevator fart,
A mound of mucous sputum in a street,
Or earwax painfully removed complete
While someone yodels "Achy Breaky Heart".
'Tis ever trite and rotten, never new
(No, twatlike runts prefer old crud instead);
How like an invitation to a view
Inside an arse possessed by Mister Ed.
Our anti-runt war's ruthless, 'tis quite true:
We've learnt to love it truly - when 'tis dead.
SPAM: KILL IT NOW - OR RUN!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The State vs. Mortimer I. Looty
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Srew the atispammers, We Beat them all.
Hi My name is Sam were are spammers. We can set u up so u can
spam your heart out.
We have bullet proff servers, bullet proff list, and bulllet proff
hosting.
Just call us at 323 874 4647, or fax us at 323 512 4950
or email us at info@bulkisp.nu
or go to our web page http://www.bulkisp.nu
Nobody can stop us we got it down.
Don't worry about the atispammers there is nothing they can do.
Call me I will give you all the secrets.
Sam
PS Believe we are are protected nothing can hurt us or you.
=
I'm the worst speller on the Internet. I miss out a few letters, use capitals wrongly, and got the spelling completely wrong. My punctuation's bad, too.
I'm also a bloody arrogant little bastard who believes that it's cool to spam and break the law.
If you visit our ace webpage, you'll see... um... um... we have been revoked!! Horror! I am shut off! With just a spam? It sux!
PS. What an unacceptable scam! Feel such embarrassment! Our youthful errors! If we appear untruthful, spurn us bums.
PPS. We were wrong.
Larry Brash with:
The following link is a great Computer resource site. It contains
tons of information on Computer topics like Operating Systems
installation, configuration, maintance, Programming, and more.
Please check it out.
=
Although it is not real spam, it is off-topic for alt.anagrams.
Stop posting to our newsgroup, cretin. Stick it up your moronic
arse, con idiot. Me? I like anagramming lone fools. It's nice
keen entertainment. Cancel@netcom
Jon Gearhart with:
Inexpensive compatible inkjet cartridges and refill kits.
Save up to 60% over manufacturers prices!
See site for prices and availabilty
http://www.inkjetcentre.co.uk/index.html
or
http://www.inkjetcenter.co.uk/index.html
=
We've re-invented electric jock-rockets and self-reamin' dildoes!
Pay 60% extra for a private plug-it-'n'-pump-it anal sex kit.
Rubber products cum in five colors/thicknesses.
http://www.the_wet_wick.jerkin_at_it.net/injexian.html
Jon Gearhart with:
Sexual Dysfunction Can Be Devastating!
It Undermines Self-Esteem, Romantic Relationships, And Even Families.
Xylacol Is An All-Natural, Effective, And Affordable Solution And It Is Currently Available Without An Embarrasing Visit To A Doctor Or Pharmacist!
Click Here For More Information: http://203.46.67.15/xylacol
to be removed click here:
http://203.46.67.15/remove.asp?Campaign=XYLACOL
thank you!
=
Mandatory Rectal Exam: Vital Usenet Law?
To obtain an internet account, applicants should be given a full cavity exam to check for Head-In-Ass disease, commonly referred to as HIA. An evil fag virus believed responsible for HIA can easily transmit through practically any posted usenet boff-link.
For Limited HIA Protection, call:
1-515-230-4667 [NOT 230-4766]
Or visit: rectum_exam_for_all_mankind.rx.com
Tom Myers with:
Hello Ladies and Gantlemen!
The Best POSTING/CROSSPOSTING UTILITY! Say NO to SPAMMERS! Now
you'll win them in your favorite newsgroup/s!
Atlant Pro 1.21 is the powerful posting/crossposting tool, you'll
forget about the senseless attempts to report about your products,services
or opinions.
Of couse, you've your favorite newsgroups. But are you tired of
spam? Do you want people to hear you? Is your message lost amoung
other thousands of messages? Now you can only choose newsgroups,
write message and in certain periods Atlant Pro will post it for
you.
New features in Atlan Pro will help you to find the best way for
posting/crossposting and they include comfortable tools, clear
interface, automatization, multi-project option, random posting,
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others.
You will find this program here:
=
You're clearly nut-jobs, ninnys, clods, butts, assholes, fools,
twits. SO STOP IT! You're stupid nerds too. What crap! Fools calling
for spam fighting, but promoting crosspostings -- is the crosspost
not the ultimate spam stunt? SO STOP IT! You run a "canned
lucheon meat" (SPAM) factory. SO STOP IT! I hear you morons
screw every pig prior to and immediately after it's slaughtered.
SO STOP IT! Why don't you grab metal pull-tops to cram on up where
the sun doesn't shine (colon). I'm saying twist it way up, a foot
or more -- to where your fool poo-poo for brains are.
Go now, leave us, for your foul type is unwelcome in alt.anagrams.
No one desires your presence. SO STOP IT! Now we're prepared if
you return (please do not), possessing Anagram Aide and Anagram
Genius. Yes, but even that nazi cell until you rot shit's too
good, now we'll go medieval on you! (Get my little reference to
Pulp Fiction?)
Martin Rand with:
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Call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including Sundays and holidays.
rem- rog530@excite.com
260450111681673505611
d1
@robin.no
Fro
=
SAD CERTIFICATES
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No, no knowledge, wisdom, paranoia, or indeed intelligence required! (Obviously...)
Timewasters', dumb-asses' and NBG certificates of OUR choice, rushed pronto to you! Own all 724,485,301 - special price extended five days!!!
No idiot's money refused! Unbutton your purses! Moolah removal assured, or I'm a bleak Silurian!
Mail: robin.hood@tricks.con
Martin Rand with:
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=
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Ring 1-900-213-8121 ext. 666
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Martin Rand with:
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greetings,
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=
XMAS REMINISCENCES
"It came over my mailserver,
That tedious spam of old -
Of tosspots mewling, 'Get rich fast
By giving me all your gold.'"
"Hark the dim-brained conmen sing,
'Pyramids are just the thing.'"
"In the bleak mid-evening,
Teensy brains made moan,
'Plaster ads on websites!
Earnings? Nearly none!'"
Enjoy twenty other GREAT Yuletide numbers like these on our FREE CD ($21 p/p) "Interesting Spam for Festive Occasions".
And don't miss our earlier compilations:
"Spice It Up With Spam." (Obscure girlie band)
"McSpam With Attitude." (Scots rap)
...not counting:
"Nerd-crud Remover." (One Monkee in egocentric debut)
Mail to: utter-testicular-tittle-tattle@content-free.com
1st - Larry Brash with:
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do
for you, ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens
of the world, ask not what America will do for you, but what together
we can do for the Freedom of Man.
=
A youthful, affluent Kennedy, on accession, he asks aloud: we,
both domestic and world communities, try to look for a way to
unify for the Common Good of All, rather than worry away at your
cozy corner of the turf.
www.award.com
2nd - Martin Rand with: [The "Noddy" books by Enid Blyton]
Be Brave Little Noddy
Cheer Up Little Noddy
Do Look Out Noddy
Don't Blame Noddy
Fun with Noddy
Here Comes Noddy Again!
Hurrah for Little Noddy
Little Noddy Goes to Toyland
More Adventures of Noddy
Mr Plod and Little Noddy
Mr Plod's Search for Noddy
Noddy and Father Christmas
Noddy and His Alarm Clock
Noddy and His Bell
Noddy and His Car
Noddy and His Friends
Noddy and His Money
Noddy and His New Friend
Noddy and His Unhappy Car
Noddy and Martha Monkey
Noddy and Tessie Bear
Noddy and The Aeroplane
Noddy and the Artists
Noddy and the Birthday Present
Noddy and the Bouncing Ball
Noddy and the Bumpy Dog
Noddy and the Bunkey
Noddy and the Cake Contest
Noddy and the Driving Lesson
Noddy and the Giraffes
Noddy and the Goblins
Noddy and the Kite
Noddy and The Magic Rubber
Noddy and the Magic Watch
Noddy and the Milkman
Noddy and the Missing Hats
Noddy and the Naughty Tail
Noddy and the Noisy Drum
Noddy and the Parasol
Noddy and the Pouring Rain
Noddy and the Prize Catch
Noddy and the Singing Bush
Noddy and the Special Key
Noddy and the Tootles
Noddy and the Treasure Map
Noddy and the Windy Day
Noddy at the Farm
Noddy at the Seaside
Noddy Borrows an Umbrella
Noddy Caught in a Storm
Noddy Chases the Goblins
Noddy Cheers Up Big-Ears
Noddy Delivers Some Parcels
Noddy Finds a Furry Tail
Noddy Gets a New Job
Noddy Gets Dressed
Noddy Gets into Trouble
Noddy Goes Shopping
Noddy Goes To School
Noddy Goes to Sea
Noddy Goes to the Fair
Noddy Goes to Toyland
Noddy Has an Adventure
Noddy Has an Afternoon Off
Noddy in Toyland 3 in 1
Noddy Is Far Too Busy
Noddy in Toytown
Noddy Lends a Hand
Noddy Loses His Bell
Noddy Loses His Keys
Noddy Loses Sixpence
Noddy Meets Father Christmas
Noddy Meets Santa
Noddy Meets Some Silly Hens
Noddy Tells a Story
Noddy Tells the Time
Noddy the Champion
Noddy the Magician
Noddy the Nurse
Noddy Tidies Toyland
Noddy to the Rescue
Noddy: 3 in 1
Well Done Noddy!
You Funny Little Noddy
You're a Good Friend Noddy
=
Get 'em Off, Noddy!
Get it up, Little Noddy
Go to Hell, Little Noddy!
God Tells Noddy To Destroy Toytown
Hard-core Noddy
It's So Small and Bendy, Noddy!
It's That Tool Noddy Again!
Kentucky Fried Noddy
Look at These, Noddy!
Loser, Noddy!
Mr Plod Fits Noddy Up
Noddy '3 in 1' Pix
Noddy and Accidental Racism
Noddy and Enid Carry On In a Holiday Inn
Noddy and Enid in Leather
Noddy and His Brothel Venture
Noddy and His Bouncing Buns
Noddy and His Clap
Noddy and His Dog Humping
Noddy and His Problem
Noddy and the Bearded Lady
Noddy and the Boner
Noddy and the Bum Trip
Noddy and the Eerie Damned
Noddy and the Dirty Old Sheep
Noddy and the Flaming Faggots
Noddy and the French Lesson
Noddy and the Furry Bush
Noddy and the Hand Gun
Noddy and the Highland Clearances
Noddy and the Mafia
Noddy and the Magic Mushrooms
Noddy and the Randy Milkman
Noddy and the Rectal Wart
Noddy and the Split Rubber
Noddy and the Trendy Tossers
Noddy and the Vile Act
Noddy and the Windy Farts
Noddy at the Porn Shop
Noddy Blew In That!
Noddy Chances a Soft-headed Cow
Noddy Chases Tail
Noddy Chokes Chicken
Noddy Comes Out
Noddy Does a Line
Noddy Gets Tessie Bear into Trouble
Noddy Gets Some 'E's
Noddy Gets VD
Noddy Gives Head
Noddy Goes Ram-raiding
Noddy Goes to Ibiza
Noddy Has An Orgasm
Noddy in the Nude
Noddy In Screwing Savagery
Noddy Into Satanism
Noddy is a Daddy
Noddy is Far Out
Noddy Lends Sirhan Sirhan a Piece
Noddy Loses His Marbles
Noddy Meets Fat Boy Slim
Noddy Meets Marilyn Manson
Noddy Pleasures a Llama
Noddy Puts a Carrot Up Big-Ears
Noddy Rents Ten Heathen Harlots
Noddy Spanks the Monkey
Noddy Tells the Tootles to Get Stuffed
Noddy the Arse Monkey
Noddy the Cunning Teenager
Noddy the Fornicator
Noddy the Fuddy-Duddy
Noddy the Neanderthal
Noddy the Rent Boy
Noddy Wipes Santa's Balls
Noddy, You Moron!
Noddy: 3 in 1 Bed
Noddy's Hand Job
Oh, Noddy! Oh! Ah! Ah! Yes! Yes!
Piss Off, Little Noddy
Son of Noddy
Well-done Roast Noddy
You Horny Little Noddy
You're an Asshole, Noddy
3rd - Richard Grantham with: [The "Famous Five" books by Enid Blyton]
Five On A Treasure Island
Five Go Adventuring Again
Five Run Away Together
Five Go To Smuggler's Top
Five Go Off In A Caravan
Five On Kirrin Island Again
Five Go Off To Camp
Five Get Into Trouble
Five Fall Into Adventure
Five On A Hike Together
Five Have A Wonderful Time
Five Go Down To The Sea
Five Go To Mystery Moor
Five Have Plenty Of Fun
Five On A Secret Trail
Five Go To Billycock Hill
Five Get Into A Fix
Five On Finniston Farm
Five Go To Demon's Rocks
Five Have A Mystery To Solve
Five Are Together Again
=
Five Go A Thrill-Killing
Five Start A Religion
Five Experiment With A Drug
Five Love to Moon
Five Have A Hot Orgy
Five Visit A Gay Dungeon-Master
Five Share A Needle
Five Move To Soho, London
Five Go A Wife-Swapping
Five Try Out A Gerbil
Five Forgot To Get The Condoms
Five Give One Another Gonorrhoea
Five Gonads Fall Off
Five Insert A Vegetable
Five Fist-Fuck Aunt Fanny
Five Vote Tory
Five Ram Arse On And On
Five Take Turns To Fuck A Gannet
Five Into One Can Go
Five Go Too Far
Five Ritually Sacrifice Timmy
David Bourke with:
A Bear Called Paddington
Paddington Bear
Paddington Treasury
Paddington Bear All Day
Paddington And the Marmalade Maze
Paddington Takes The Air
Paddington Bear and the Busy Bee Carnival
Paddington Bear and the Christmas Surprise
Paddington Bear at the Circus
Paddington's ABC
Paddington's First Word Book
Paddington Goes to Town
Paddington Helps Out
Paddington Marches on
Paddington Abroad
Paddington's Storybook
Paddington At Large
Paddington Takes to TV
Paddington In The Kitchen
Paddington At The Seashore
Paddington Bear: A Lift-The-Flap Rebus Book
Paddington Bear: My Scrapbook
Paddington Bear Goes to Market
Paddington: A Disappearing Trick and Other Stories
The Great Big Paddington Book
Paddington's Garden
Paddington Goes Shopping
Paddington At The Tower
Paddington On Top
Paddington's Painting Exhibition
Paddington Minds The House
Paddington's Things I Do
Paddington's Things I Feel
Paddington's Magical Christmas
Paddington Takes the Test
Paddington's Lucky Day
Paddington at the Seaside
Paddington on Screen
Paddington at the Zoo
Paddington and the Knickerbocker Rainbow
Paddington's Art Exhibition
Paddington At The Fair
Paddington Cleans Up
Paddington At The Palace
Best Of Paddington Bear
More Hilarious Adventures of Paddington
Paddington's Clock Book
Paddington's Wheel Book
Paddington At The Airport
Paddington Mails A Letter
Paddington's Day At The Seashore
Fun and Games With Paddington
Paddington's Blue Peter Story Book
Paddington Takes a Bath
Paddington at the Circus
Paddington Meets the Queen
Paddington Rides On!
Paddington Makes a Mess
Paddington Goes on a Picnic
Paddington's New Room
Paddington's First Bath
Paddington Turns Detective
Giant Paddington Storybook
Paddington At Home
Paddington Goes Out
Paddington Has Fun
Paddington Works Hard
Paddington Goes To The Station
Paddington At The Station
Paddington's Pop-Up Book
Paddington's Shopping Adventure
Paddington Learns a Lesson
Paddington's Birthday Treat
Paddington At The Laundromat
Paddington: Prebound Paperback Set
Paddington Bear: A Birthday Treat
Paddington Bear: A Visit To The Dentist/Something Nasty In The
Kitchen
Paddington Bear: Trouble At The Airport/Paddington Prepares/Pantomime
Time
Paddington And The Christmas Shopping
Please Look After This Bear
Paddington Goes To School
Paddington For Christmas
The Life And Times Of Paddington Bear
Paddington's Opposites
Paddington At Work
Paddington On Stage
Paddington's Colors
Paddington's 123
More About Paddington
=
Paddington's Wet Dream
Paddington's A Wanker
Paddington's A Tosser
Paddington Comes First
Stop It! Stop That, Paddington!
Paddington Fucks A Bird
Premature Paddington
Paddington Puts It About A Bit
Paddington Larges It Big Time
Paddington The Himbo
Paddington Porks The Care Bears
Paddington That Twat-Teaser
Paddington's 3-In-A-Bed
Paddington's Top Tottie Book
Panty Fetish Paddington
Paddington Bear Gets Into Dani Behr's Knickers
Hot Mott? A Beaut, Paddington!
Kinky-Boots Paddington
Ah, That Playboy Paddington!
Paddington Likes Head
Paddington Stuffs Nookie Bear
Leather Fetish Paddington
Paddington's Big Dong
Paddington's Big Bollocks
Paddington Shafts A Polar Bear
Paddington Bonks All Week
Porno Paddington
Paddington Does Dallas
Paddington's Hardcore Video Fame
Deep-Throat Paddington
Too Hot, Paddington!
Paddington Has A Whore Or Two
Paddington's Golden Shower
Paddington Reads 'Trainspotting'
A Pint, Paddington The Peruvian Pisshead?
Paddington Tries Coke
Paddington Shoots-Up
Paddington Scores An Acid Tab
Paddington The Crazed Smackhead
Mainline Paddington - A Heroin Hell
Pothead Paddington Ponces On The State
Paddington's A Poofter
Paddington Turns A Queer
Paddington Hopes For A Man
Paddington's A Fairy Bear
Paddington's Rio Carnival Guidebook
Village People Meet Paddington
Take It Up The Arse, Paddington!
The Paddington Toilet Cubicle Incident
Oh, Paddington!
Paddington's Hepatitis Bother
Paddington's Cottaging Craze
Paddington's Homo Adventure Time
Paddington Pet Shop Boy
Paddington Buys K-Y
Paddington Fists Norman Lamont
Transvestite Paddington
Paddington Rides Bareback
Paddington Cheats AIDS
Paddington Goes A-Cruising In Brighton
Poser Paddington
Ooh Paddington! Get Her!
Paddington? She's A Bitch!
Tie Paddington - Into Bondage
Paddington The Rimmer
Paddington's Prostitution Racket
Paddington's Anal Sex Handbook
Paddington Reads 'The Ballad Of Reading Gaol' Poem
Paddington Sucks A 12-incher
That Paddington's A Beast!
Paddington The Bent Bastard Bear
Paddington's Rear Rout
A Sore Butt, Eh, Paddington?
Fuck A Rentboy, Paddington!
Get Tested, Then, Paddington
Paddington Works A Street Corner Scam
Paddington - A Happy Homosexual Hooker
Paddington Ran An Escort Agency
Paddington Takes A Trip To Amsterdam
Paddington, He Likes A Dike Too
Paddington, He Has It Both Ways
Paddington Nob Torment
Paddington Has Gender Re-Assignment Surgery
Paddington's Operation 'Problem'
Man, That Paddington's A Tart!
Paddington Subscribes To Alt.Anagrams
Ta Ta! Bed Then, Paddington!
Richard Brodie with:
What's the point of an anagram program? A computer does a brute
force listing of permutations (constrained perhaps by a dictionary
database), which somebody picks from? Couldn't a monkey do that
(very nearly)? Am I missing something?
=
"Your verdict's damn right. It's basically a damn error prone
crap shoot! Luck's a damn big part of it, too. Why, any damn baby
ape can make poems into other inspiring poems if he had access
to that damn Genius software." - Your "me too"
figment.
Jon Gearhart with:
"Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars a cage."
-- Richard Lovelace =
"Rock ramparts are no holding base icon, Nor was a steel
door a vain cell."
Jaybur with:
Queen and Camilla Parker Bowles meet at Highgrove. =
A bet: wagering the Prince's lover quaked: "Hello, Ma'am!"
Tom Myers with:
A new study says that drinking four to five cups of coffee each
day could help prevent Parkinson's disease. =
Hype? Accept up-to-date findings of facts. I'd advise -- drink
seven cups! One way or another you'll suffer shakes.
Graham Perkins with: [Some of the "Mr Men" books by Roger Hargreaves]
Mr Strong
Mr Lazy
Mr Slow
Mr Nosey
Mr Greedy
Mr Brave
Mr Messy
Mr Sneeze
Mr Funny
Mr Happy
Mr Tickle
Mr Daydream
Mr Busy
Mr Tangle
=
Mrs Leery
Mrs Yes
Mrs Merryshag
Mrs Fuzzyminge
Mrs Mammary
Mr Wanklot
Mr Rentboy
Mr Vulgar
Mr Bent-End
Mr Poncey
Mr Lady
Dr Pee
eq.1st - Linda Garrett with:
The brutal Hermann Goering =
Nuremberg Trial. Hang? Not he!
eq.1st - Richard Grantham with:
"Bugsy" Malone =
Mean, ugly S.O.B.
3rd - Judson Pewther with:
Melissa Joan Hart =
Lass in major heat.
David Bourke with:
Piers-Paul Read =
Perusal repaid.
David Bourke with:
Freddie Mercury, Brian May, Roger Taylor, John Deacon =
Randy Bumhole, Jo Fairy, Terry Nice-Gonad, Rod Creamer.
David Bourke with:
Paul Weller, Rick Buckler and Bruce Foxton =
Dull, careful... or blow up next Rickenbacker?
Linda Garrett with:
Botha =
Thabo.
Richard Grantham with:
Hermann Goering =
Hangmen ignorer.
Jaybur with:
Wystan Hugh Auden =
Weds a naughty Hun.
Jaybur with:
The Naked Chef: Jamie Oliver =
Oh! deliver the fine jam cake.
Jaybur with:
Mena Suvari =
Sure am vain!
Jaybur with:
The Reverend William Archibald Spooner =
Ah, Lord, I will persevere then: I'm a corn bad!
Jaybur with:
The Reverend William Archibald Spooner =
The incredible, real, warm, shovin' leopard!
Jaybur with:
Charlie Dimmock =
Lo, I'm dream chick!
Mike Keith with:
Patrick McGoohan =
Moping hack actor.
Mike Keith with:
Marcello Mastroianni =
Nominal 'realism' actor.
Meyran Kraus with:
Vanessa Williams =
A small ass in view.
Meyran Kraus with:
Courtney Thorne-Smith =
Hot tits cure horny men.
Meyran Kraus with:
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen =
Hi, fat feminine breasts!
Tom Myers with:
Carly Simon =
Moan lyrics.
Tom Myers with:
British female teenage pop singer Billie Piper =
Teenie-bopper girl has big nipples. I merit a feel!
Mick Tully with:
Lynda Lee Potter =
Repellent toady.
Mick Tully with:
Royal chef Anton Mosimann? =
Not if meal annoys monarch!
Mick Tully with:
Jeremy Spake =
Mere sky jape.
1st - Larry Brash with:
Harley Davidson Motorcycles =
Very costly old road machines.
2nd - Art Day with:
The Statue of Liberty =
Better I fly to the USA
3rd - Tom Myers with:
World's Fastest Computer ~
melts software products.
Tom Gardner with:
Roman Empire =
I'm an emperor!
Jaybur with:
The Derby at Epsom =
Tempted by a horse?
Len Richards with:
Gibson Les Paul Standard =
Spend, Dallas guitar snob.
Mick Tully with:
McDonald's restaurants =
Uncle Sam's standard rot.
1st - Mick Tully with:
Tandoori chicken =
Darn, I cook ethnic!
Chaotic dinner, OK?
Rancid? Choke on it!
2nd - Martin Rand with:
Irritable Bowel Syndrome =
I brewed merry blast in loo.
I'm so dry in rear below belt.
Blimey! Rode on raw blister.
Bellow: "Bore dirt in my arse!"
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Inspector Morse =
Monitors creeps.
Reinspects room.
Corpses in Metro?
Presto! No crimes!
Jon Gearhart with:
THIS BUBBLE GUM TASTES LOUSY =
Slam it to bush. Use gel, stubby!
This guy's a 'teste' bum, bubs -- LOL!
U.S. bimbo sluts eat thy bulges.
Big hussy slam tot's lube tube.
You butt-slam his best bulges.
Richard Peers with:
Edinburgh Festival =
Bunfight sale drive.
Revile sad bunfight.
Lavish fringe debut.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Psalm
51, Miserere mei
2nd - Mike Keith with:
The
Holy Sonnets of John Donne
3rd - Larry Brash with:
And
Did Those Feet in Ancient Time
David Bourke with:
Ode to
May
Richard Brodie with:
[A verse-by-verse anagram of Richard
Grantham's Psalm 51.]
1
Are you there, God? It's me, David. =
Today I'd grieve thus: "O dear me!"
2
I did a terrible thing, Lord, and I'm most ashamed. =
I'm bad, a damned hedonist male! This torrid girl...
3
Oh boy, I'm contrite. =
O hit my erotic nob!
4
Jesus Christ I'm sorry! I'm even going for the whole sack-cloth-and-ashes
bit. =
I am horrible! So God has sent His just revenge for my low, chicken
shit acts.
5
Mind you, I'm not totally clear on just what it is I'm supposed
to have done. But the prophet Nathan told me I'd offended you
or something, and he's usually quite right about this sort of
thing. =
That stupid adulterous fooling around; blood that drips from my
hands; you name it, I've done it! How can those sins be justly
quantified, man? I thought the seer ought to pity me, not opt
Hell!
6
Though all I did was to spy this pretty chick in her bath, seduce
her, impregnate her, then arrange this nifty military manoeuvre
which got her gormless jerk of a husband killed off. Come now,
surely most people would do the same! =
The truth? Bathsheba, was just too much woman for a macho king
like myself to resist humping. My gosh, when I spied her naked
rear there, I simply got trapped. Hell, how could any guy not
fondle this flirt's choice revealed derriere.
7
It can't be the added wife thing. Hell, look at Solomon - THREE
HUNDRED of them, PLUS seven hundred damn concubines! Quite the
Don Juan. =
Ream me, then, due to multiple wives? Unkind! Hear, did not God
tell the chosen husband, Jacob, not to french half-nude queens.
He did not!
8
And no, I don't think I can be accused of adultery - it's not
as if Bathsheba was married for very long, hey now? =
This chick was one babe and I, a dirty old man. Horny, I wanted
to score any fun; love, rub her ass, and get it off.
9
Murder? Nonsense, nonsense! It was some sodding Hezbollah guys
who killed that dense ninny Uriah, not nasty old me! Sheesh! =
The deed was done by some other hands, not numero uno. His Highness
slyly sends gentle humans into war zones: ends in a kill.
10
So I felt perfectly fine with all this - but not Nathan. No, the
senile old fart came up to me and then started ranting some nonsense
about... a sheep, I think... well, whatever it was, it appears
this sinner's done something incredibly naughty. As a result of
which my son by her is going to snuff it. =
The prophet's parable of an Hittite's lamb made no sense. Give
me a break, sir! You're pissing me off now! I'm innocent!. When
this guy was sent in to fight in the front lines of the battle,
he was surrounded, then he instantly got shot. Thus it was all
an accident; not any fiendish culprits, really.
11
Quite a bummer, hey! Still, we can just make more children - this
part's rather fun, y'know. (Though sort of messy.) =
Now that our first kid's toast, mourn not, my queen. Ache? Hurt?
Mark, wife, Jesus Christ shall emerge by my help.
12
Anyway, "Miserere mei" and all that (or however that
fucking psalm goes, I forget for now). I'm here grovelling in
the fetid dirt, hoping Your Serene Highness isn't too pissed off
with me. 'Cos that'd be really annoying. =
Hey, I'm trying seriously to kiss up, God. I'm afraid if I don't,
it's going to be very grim down there in Hell for me; and that
means that scene of Satan's whopping-hot hell-fires going on forever,
where we ache eternally.
13
You still there, God? I'm hoping you heard all this, because I'm
just off to shaft the horny bint now and this time I want to do
it with a clear conscience. =
Ah! now that that load is dumped off my chest, I can go inside
to get the connubial jollies with Uriah's wife. Is celibacy my
torture? Not on THIS throne.
14
See you tomorrow night then. Love, Dave. =
Ergo, due to loves, heaven-worthy I'm not.
Richard Brodie with:
The
Soldier
Richard Brodie with:
Part
of a poem by John Donne
Jon Gearhart with:
She
Walks in Beauty
Jon Gearhart with:
And
Did Those Feet in Ancient Time
Mike Keith with:
Delight
in Disorder
Mike Keith with:
The
Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
Meyran Kraus with:
Robert
Bridges: Absence
Meyran Kraus with:
Christina
Georgina Rossetti: A Birthday