Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2001
1st - SpursKevin with:
An eating disorder =
I'd eat orange rinds.
eq.2nd - Jaybur with:
The dental surgeon =
Nursed teeth along.
eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The General Hospital =
He operates all night.
David Bourke with:
The railway-enthusiast type =
Yes, they whistle up at a train.
David Bourke with:
Macho bastards show ~
washboard stomachs.
David Bourke with:
Stir up hatred? =
Rather stupid!
Richard Brodie with:
I'm employed to labor for the minimum wage =
Memo: O drab grim life without ample money!
Maurice Goddard with:
Taser gun =
Stun-gear.
Richard Grantham with:
Laughter is the best medicine =
The big smiles cured the tinea?
Richard Grantham with:
If at first you don't succeed, ~
second idea: cry out "Stuff it!"
Richard Grantham with:
An eating disorder =
No diet is arranged.
Richard Grantham with:
Double or nothing =
Holding on our bet.
Richard Grantham with:
A paranoid schizophrenic =
Oh, chap is crazed or in pain.
Richard Grantham with:
Preaching to the converted =
The convinced rap together.
Richard Grantham with:
Back to the drawing board =
At work redoing bad batch.
Adrian Hickford with:
Girls and boys =
Darlings, yobs.
Adrian Hickford with:
Closed circuit television camera =
Reduces local crime activities, no?
Adrian Hickford with:
Morris dancing ~
in crimson drag.
Adrian Hickford with:
Teacher shortage =
Great chaos there.
Jaybur with:
Eager newbies ~
energise a Web.
Jaybur with:
Reputation =
One-up trait.
Jaybur with:
Tedious work ~
wore out kids.
Jaybur with:
General stores =
Regret no sales.
Jaybur with:
Dead or alive =
O, a daredevil!
Meyran Kraus with:
Everything old is new again =
Yes, an aged thing now virile!
Meyran Kraus with:
A snide remark =
I'm a dark sneer.
Allan Morley with:
Sanguineous =
No agues in us!
Allan Morley with:
Electric guitars =
Let circuits rage!
Allan Morley with:
The water shortages =
Wash together, stare.
Tom Myers with:
A travel itinerary =
Later I arrive at N.Y.
Tom Myers with:
Diary outlines ~
daily routines.
Tom Myers with:
He had too many beers =
Hey - needs a bathroom!
Tom Myers with:
Solo actions =
Not so social.
Tom Myers with:
A blunt response =
Brutal openness.
Walter Newboldt with:
Video recorder =
Record over - die!
Walter Newboldt with:
Paying taxes =
Gasp! Anxiety!
Walter Newboldt with:
Scared to death =
Reach odd state.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Hunting Season =
Inane gunshots.
SpursKevin with:
The kleptomaniacs =
LA cops take them in.
Mick Tully with:
Intellectual snobbery, ~
or belt Tully in absence.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
William Butler Yeats =
Sit, write me a lullaby.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Ancient Greek Fabulist, Aesop =
Keeping the tales of nature basic.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Sir Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs =
Hannibal cooks his men, then, in his steel fry-pot.
David Bourke with:
The greatest harmonica player in the world? =
It's Larry Adler. Who he? The top American gent.
Maurice Goddard with:
How Green Was My Valley =
Grow, my heavenly Wales!
Richard Grantham with:
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare =
Theatre's peak; wise, charmlike poems follow.
Adrian Hickford with:
Promenade concerts ~
entranced composer.
Adrian Hickford with:
Tim Burton's "Planet of the Apes" =
Inhumane sport: Battle of Pets.
Jaybur with:
The French Impressionist Degas =
The sight of dancers inspires me.
Jaybur with:
'Britain's a world by itself': Shakespeare =
How literary Bard speaks befits an isle.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre =
I watch man as he axes actress.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Dark Side =
I'd seek Darth!
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
Christopher Skase =
He has sick reports.
eq.1st - Jaybur with:
The Code Red computer virus =
Drive seemed touch corrupt.
3rd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Singer and actress Aaliyah killed in Bahamas plane crash =
Alas! R&B princess has had a charity and a smile like an angel.
David Bourke with:
Ealing Broadway =
Low agenda by IRA.
Art Day with:
Paul Burrell is charged in thefts =
Butler craft: pillage HRH's undies?
Maurice Goddard with:
Haakon Magnus Mette-Marit =
The matter: A King. A mum. A son.
Richard Grantham with:
Christopher Skase =
Shock! Rat perishes!
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
So get your fingers out =
Your tongue goes first.
2nd - David Bourke with:
Erectile dysfunction =
Sorely cunt-deficient.
eq.3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Sexual relations =
Latex on, as is rule.
eq.3rd - SpursKevin with:
The lesbian couple ~
place tube in holes.
David Bourke with:
A Mars A Day Helps You Work Rest And Play =
A Stone lad's drawl may say: "Pray, up her, OK!"
David Bourke with:
It's long, curved, soft, greasy, and it comes in a yellow skin. What is it? =
It is Woody Allen's dick, after cleaving Mrs Soon-Yi's tight wet anus.
Larry Brash with:
Alexis Balmont-Aoutine =
Bisexual man on a toilet.
Don P. Fortier with:
Anything more than a handful is a waste =
A tiny tit? Flash enough, a man's hard anew!
Maurice Goddard with:
Toad-in-the-hole =
Death-in-the-loo.
Adrian Hickford with:
Heterosexuality =
Hey lout! Exit arse!
1st - David Bourke with:
Your Dating Life Might Be Great Right Now,
But What If It Could Be Even Better?!
Dating secrets you might NEVER discover can be yours Instantly!
Check Out Our Best Selling Title: How To Meet & Win With Women
- Myths: Facts and fiction about dating women.
- Dating: The secrets you'll need to be successful.
- Creative places for finding the women of your dreams.
- How to pick up Women.
- Do's and Don'ts: What you should say and what not!
- Pick up lines that Actually Work!
- Conversations:
How to start, keep, and end them, plus memory techniques.
- Confidence boosting techniques that guarantee success.
- Personality types:
Numerous personality types and how to choose which
is right for you.
- Body language:
How to interpret posture, facial expressions, signals,
and touching.
- Personal Ads: Do they really work?
- Making friends:
Finding great friends, where to meet them, and making
friendships last.
- The facts about dating friends, co-workers, and older women.
- Learn the little known secrets for getting a woman to ask you
out.
- Secrets to win and keep a woman's heart
- How to treat her right, gain her trust, and romance her.
Over 250 pages! Much much MORE!
If this book does not greatly increase your Dating Life, return the book in original condition within 30 days for a refund.
=
Dear Sirs,
I'm writing to complain about your book 'How To Meet & Win With Women'. I purchased with good faith, thinking that, a grown man aged 53, it was time I lost my virginity. Having read the book cover to cover the other night, I gradually built up the confidence to ask my cousin Noreen out to see a showing of the film 'Bean', but the evening was a complete and utter disaster. We went in McDonalds for dinner, but she flounced outside the restaurant in a strop. (Women, eh? Bonkers! Such fussy, surly whingers!)
Now, quite appreciating that my opening gambit "Any chance of a fuck, then?" was perhaps a little forward in the circumstances, I resolved to be more circumspect next time.
As for the following sorry occasion, I asked Gwen (the lady in the shops downstairs) on a day off to see Spurs playing at Queen's Park Rangers, but no score, no shags - she took the tickets at once, and went with Noreen instead, the greedy, stingy, rude little cow.
A right wrong 'un!
I regret I'm now at least 200 pounds out of pocket, trying hard, but get no success, angry, still unfulfilled, can't afford to pay my dear old mother her weekly rent, and want total refunds of the useless book and for the one unused cinema ticket. (Enclosed.)
Sorry things had to come to this.
Yours sincerely,
M. Goddard.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Aren't you sick and tired of having to cope with side-effects
from drugs like viagra and than having to take more drugs to counter
the side-effects! Stop hurting your body! Made from the healthiest
and most potent herbs available on the planet, so never any side-effects
nor can you ever take too much. We are proud to present: Men's
Herbal Complex (60 tablets)
With saw palmetto to promote male physical vitality and a healthy prostate and urinary tract. Also, includes avena sativa for renewed libido and damiana to help energize mood. Men from every part of the world depend on this Complex.
There is of course a money back guarantee. Though in the 2 years this Complex being available, there has never been even one return.
For U.S. shipping addresses, total price including Shipping and Handling is only $39.98, $79.96 for 2, $119.94 for 3. Takes 3 - 5 business days for delivery.
Please contact us at, mens_herbal_complex@hotmail.com for out of U.S. shipping prices or for any questions.
To Order by Check or Money Order, please send to Nature's Supplements at:
402 E.3rd St. #145 Long Beach, CA 90802 To Order by Credit Card, please call Nature's Supplements at (562) 951-0737 9-7 P.S.T. If all Nutritionists are busy please leave a message and a Nutritionist will call you back the same day. PRIVACY GUARANTEED.
=
As Veronica clasped Pat's engorged phallus between her restless, rapid fingers and bent over to start to lick the pulsating mass, she soon realised her lover's penis seemed more supple than normal; it appeared to have a peculiar life of its own, seeking her busy tongue as it moved about, rather than Veronica taking authority. She tried not to bite the beast expanding in her mouth, as Veronica mumbled fretfully: "Pat, summat's different, love."
Pat moaned, yet heard nothing. The pill he'd adventurously taken earlier that afternoon was beginning to supply a steady stream of drugs, a very complex chemical cocktail into his shrinking brain. 'Complex', as it had said on the opaque bottle.
Veronica continued to tease her partner's veiny head, unaware of the snot oozing from his nose.
As Pat climaxed, syrupy semen spurted, burst out forcefully from his recently released tumescence, apparently out of control, and sprayed against the bedroom's ceiling. Pat's powerless body toppled on to the bed, his foamy Cyclopean organ a vertical column.
Veronica's eyes followed the line of Pat's knotty stump and read there, in revolting creamy script:
"Abracadabra! Yes! A fuck to die for."
Veronica's dreadful screams could be heard miles away...
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Anybody wanna read their e-mail and get paid for it?
If so, i know of this site the pays you to read the e-mail they
send to you...
If interested, please contact at dustin.home@verizon.net with
INTERESTED in the subject line
=
Dear spammer, notice this. Please insert your head deep into your
anal orifice (botty), then ingest the fatty contents of your bowel,
and then just emit a death wheeze. It is definitively known as
EAT SHIT AND DIE, IDIOT!
David Bourke with:
You are invited to check out my new FREE Site!!!
Spy Cams, LIVE Sex, HOT Teens, Hung Studs and Live Streaming Video!
Come check out our site by clicking:
HERE <http://www.geocities.com/gabe5522>
=
CC'd to Gabe 5522:
I give thanks to whoever you are. Such kindness!
How I'm touched, maybe next time, etc.
Meantime, let us invite YOU to go get serviced in the WC. Creeps!
Cow-pigs! Silly fuckers!
Adrian Hickford with:
Anybody wanna read their e-mail and get paid for it? If so, i
know of this site the pays you to read the e-mail they send to
you...
If interested, please contact at dustin.home@verizon.net with
INTERESTED in the subject line
=
Anyone want to eat shit and die? I deposit my own titanic-sized
diarrhoea, you ingest it in bed. Just respond to this note with
FAECES PLEASE in the header. Alternatively, bite me. Ah, fuck
off.
dysentery@toilet-humor.net
Lardy Girl with:
Steve. I found this great site today, has loads of fun stuff on
celeberities!
<http://celebritynews.devil.ru>
check it out, have fun :)
jb
=
But I'd enjoy contact with the fuck's ISP staff. I've the need
to see fibbers tire, truthfully shout "CURSES, FOILED AGAIN!
:)", and evolve.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
This material is intended for a mature viewing audience ages 18
and over.
If you are less than 18 years only or If pictures of naked women
or men or naked women/men in bondage offend you, or if pictures
of naked people or naked people in bondage are against the law
in your locality, state, province, or country, you MUST leave
NOW.
=
Now we introduce to you a place for potential killers from 11
to 88 years. If you are unhappy, non-verified rapist see our gagged
girls/women mumbling for mercy and many attractive contents. So,
if you are sadist, ENTER now. If you are fine, shake and demean
like David Bourke; LEAVE area now and do not use police phone
nine-one-one.
James H. Young with:
I remember when someone named Jackpot Who Am I? became a famous
newsgroup surfer. Mr. Jackpot went on to lie and scam at netgames.
He has been exiled from alt.tv.game-shows for almost a year. Can
someone tell me more about the man who goes by the name of Jackpot
Who Am I?
=
I remember when someone named I Am A Jackass came to alt.anagrams
to post up a few lame rumour memos. He came home and got two balls
hacked off with a twenty-one-foot ax by James, a fine newsgroup
member. Can someone comment to this poor jerk where the balls
have gone?
1st - David Bourke with:
An Essex girl is crossing the road, when she gets hit by an XR3i.
As she is lying on the ground, the driver, Dave, rushes out of
the car to see if she is alright.
"I'm so sorry, luv! I just didn't see yer. Are yer OK?"
he blurts out.
"Everyfing is just a blur, I can't see a fing" she says,
tearfully.
Concerned, the man leans over the woman to test her eyesight.
He asks, "How many fingers have I got up?"
"Oh my God! NAAAH!" she screams.
"Don't tell me I'm paralysed from the waist down an' all!!!"
=
This here so-called joke is, it seems, just typical of the rude,
sexist, misogynist sheer rubbish the female half of Essex county
have had to endure. Not even remotely amusing, it mocks, I see,
the average Sharon and Tracy as frilly flirts, very easy lays,
tarts, dim hussies on Page 3, gagging fevered harlots (should
that be 'Harlows'?), and whores going round screwing with anyone
and anything in trousers. Men that rehash this view here are surely
morons!
2nd - Jaybur with:
Consider
the lilies of the field, how they grow
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme
beauty - a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture. =
Bertrand Russell duly muses that the comparison of petty arithmetic
and cheeky blow-up statuettes is vaguely beauteous.
David Bourke with:
"Water must be the thing that has most courage. It throws
itself fearlessly over the edge of a steep fall, bounces up at
the bottom, and wanders on its way again unharmed."
=
"Oh, Maurice! That's a beautiful waterfall sunset! So perfect,
it's getting me all wet down here! Ah, why not remove those trousers
and pants fast, and shag me to death, big boy?"
Don P. Fortier with:
Hero embarks on a prince's risky quest - only fate, love await
him =
It's a movie I saw on the plane - Myers' quirky cartoon fable,
Shrek.
Maurice Goddard with:
The truth shall make ye free - but first it shall make ye miserable.
=
I'm terribly blue. See tears flush. Healthy heart talk makes me
fit.
Richard Grantham with:
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
=
Every group cheers when these whiney-arse pests have to go home.
Jaybur with:
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore
To one thing constant never.
=
No, maids, grieve not; he's a rover
Lads choose new ones o'er time
To 'n' fro, then soon its over,
Needin' change; gone: ne'er mine.
eq.1st - Wayne Baisley with:
William Sherman =
I'm "War is Hell" man.
eq.1st - Walter Newboldt with:
Sinead O'Connor =
Croon and noise.
3rd - David A. Green with:
The late Lord Longford (Francis Aungier Pakenham) =
A gallant prison reformer - and he loathed fucking!
David Bourke with:
Mick Foster and Tony Allen ~
constantly remained 'Folk'.
Maurice Goddard with:
Australian soprano Dame Nellie Melba =
As sure, I'm an all-time opera "Bella donna"!
Richard Grantham with:
Sir Andrew Lloyd-Webber =
Warbled by weird loners.
David A. Green with:
Anatoly Karpov, the Russian world chess champion =
Rash position....shall move stray pawn around....check!
Adrian Hickford with:
Captain Lawrence Edward Grace Oates =
Crept oceanward, awaited Angel's care.
Jaybur with:
Monsieur Auguste Rodin =
Amorous nudes intrigue.
Jaybur with:
Monsieur Louis Pasteur =
I'm sure a solution's pure!
Meyran Kraus with:
Wendy Mary Cope =
Pen a wry comedy.
Allan Morley with:
Ivan the Terrible =
Evil brat in there.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
King Ptolemy I "Soter" =
Mister, look in Egypt!
SpursKevin with:
President of Russia, Vladimir Putin =
Divide USSR into parts. Imperial fun.
1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Mac and Fries Eat-out Site.
2nd - SpursKevin with:
The pen is mightier than the sword =
The Times. Power in the right hands.
3rd - Jaybur with:
The Renault Espace =
Please tune the car.
David Bourke with:
The J.D. Wetherspoon pub retail chain =
I spat, threw-up a cold beer in the john.
Adrian Hickford with:
Licensed Victuallers' Association =
Loves to trade in classical cuisine.
Tom Myers with:
State Highway Patrol =
To help straightaway.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Webster's Dictionary =
Words by certainties.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
[A selection of poems by Wendy Cope.]
The
Uncertainty of the Poet
Emily
Dickinson
An
Unusual Cat Poem
A
Nursery Rhyme (as it might have been written by T.S. Eliot)
Kindness
to Animals
2nd - David Bourke with:
Bourke's Parakeet Facts
The Bourke's Parakeet is thought by many to be one of the most beautiful of all parakeets, dressed as it is in shades of sunset pink and vivid iridescent blues. As one of the grass parakeets of Australia, it is a favourite of many who keep birds. They do best when given some room to fly, rather than being kept in a smaller cage. I have more than once heard their keepers liken them to an over-sized butterfly, and this is a very good description of the way they fly - they flit and bounce in the air in a very similar manner to butterflies, and are a pleasure to watch, with their sweet voices and playfulness. They are quiet, mellow little birds during the middle of the day, but dawn and dusk is another story. Dusk is the magic time for a Bourke's parakeet; they come fully into their element then, seeming to blend into partial invisibility in the uncertain light. Be careful if you plan on having several species share an aviary, and want to include the beautiful Bourke's parakeet - when other species are already roosting for the night, the Bourkies will be at their most active. For example, I had a friend whose Bourkies thought it a great game to knock roosting finches from their perch, like a row of bowling pins! Unlike many birds, the Bourke's big eyes are adapted to allow them to see clearly at dawn and dusk. They have a very playful, boisterous attitude at these times, and they have been known to tease other species sharing a flight with them, who have trouble seeing at all so close to full dark, much less enough to defend themselves. One advantage to keeping Bourkies, is that you always know the gender of your birds, with the exception of some of the rarer colour mutations, like the Rose and the Pink. In all the other Bourke's parakeets, the male will have a vivid blue eyebrow - as soon as you see this distinctive marking, you can be sure that you are looking at a male. Like all the other Grass parakeets, Bourkies do very well on a diet of Soak Seed and Nestling Food, under which regime they seem to breed and feed reliably. They will use a nestbox, but do seem to do better with an open-topped narrow pyramidal design, rather than the usual closed rectangular shape more commonly seen.
=
David Bourke Facts
The David Bourke (gramcheckerius onesadanorakgeekius), a feared type of Hairy Bush Parakeet, usual habitat Rochester, Kent, U.K., is thought by some to be one of the most deeply repugnant, foul-mouthed, and highly offensive of all sad lowlifes that post on the Internet to Alt.Anagrams.
Not to be confused with its more attractive Australian Rules footballer namesake, it has a pinkish-white hue, is skinny, with dark brown silky plumage, bleary little bloodshot pale blue beady weasel eyes, and a distinctive prominent hook-shaped beak.
Completely nocturnal (to the severe irritation of its one breeding partner, the Shrew-Faced Little Blue Sea Shrike), the David Bourke is flightless, transfixed by its reflection in a computer monitor, composing anagrams that are occasionally moderately amusing, but more often, puerile and tiresome, weakened with, on the whole (heh heh!) regular reliance on the 'C' word, foul abuse, and sheer narrow-minded homophobic toilet humour.
The David Bourke is a vegetarian - the diet is thought to consist entirely of pine kernels, millet-meal, kola-nut, seakale, algae, beans, honey, wheat, berries, beetroot, leek, cheese sandwiches, and huge quantities of Stella Artois beer. Virtually impossible, it seems, to house-train, the David Bourke is happiest wallowing around, heavily camouflaged, indeed unbothered by, its stinking filth. Seeking to keep happily to itself, it ventures out of its cage every two weeks between the high months of every March/October to watch a Formula One Grand Prix.
Shy, sneaky, not noted for speech, the David Bourke has only sometimes been known to talk freely. Too risky as a family home pet, easy to anger, it bites when provoked, so is better taken out, shaken-up, and shot. (Or, at the very least, neutered, tied-up and flung in a zoo).
Every winter, the David Bourke hibernates. A keen bass guitarist (so it says), the David Bourke has a penchant for spewing music-related anagrams (well, it is a relative of the Dartford Warbler) and extremely dirty nursery rhymes.
A winner, I see, of several 'Anagrammies', (Hey, what the hell are they?), the David Bourke is, I guess, with a hugely sly nature, perfectly adapted to a free, easy highlife of inactive sloth.
3rd - Richard Brodie with:
Gringotts
Equity (a Harry Potter poem)
David Bourke with:
Homage
To A Government
Maurice Goddard with:
How
paint it; how describe? None has the power
Maurice Goddard with:
None,
in the day; and, when the beauty dims