Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2001
1st - Allan Morley with:
A skeleton in the cupboard =
Bones are locked up in that.
2nd - Jaybur with:
Oh, I pray that each find ~
faith, hope and charity.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Nude Modelling =
Indulge old men.
David Bourke with:
The consultant psychiatrist =
"Christ! Stop the nasty lunatic!"
David Bourke with:
Private health insurances =
NHS? I purchase alternative.
David Bourke with:
Turbo-assisted =
Suits road best.
Richard Grantham with:
Self harm =
Mar flesh.
Richard Grantham with:
Racial stereotyping =
Greet Aryan politics.
Richard Grantham with:
Competition =
Come top in it.
Richard Grantham with:
Interpretation of dreams =
Tip to read innermost fear.
Richard Grantham with:
Clinical depression =
Solid pain encircles.
Richard Grantham with:
Conservationist =
Insist on car veto.
Richard Grantham with:
A short attention span =
Stop an instant to hear.
Adrian Hickford with:
Funeral pyre =
Fuel 'n' prayer.
Adrian Hickford with:
Chemical agent =
Climate change.
Jaybur with:
Human tragedies =
Measuring death.
Jaybur with:
The soldier =
Listed hero.
Meyran Kraus with:
Acne lasted on ~
an adolescent.
Meyran Kraus with:
News Coverages =
Woe scavengers.
Lardy Girl with:
A freak show =
Oh, far askew!
Allan Morley with:
It takes two to tango =
'Twist' took ten at a go!
Allan Morley with:
Shortcoming =
Got him scorn.
Tom Myers with:
Industrial safety =
Faulty in disaster.
Tom Myers with:
Being as there's no room at the inn =
Tot's born in a manger... He is the one!
Tom Myers with:
Not subject to change =
Huge constant object.
Tom Myers with:
Flee urban deviancy, ~
a very bad influence.
Walter Newboldt with:
Dishonesty =
So deny this!
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Formula two =
Awful motor.
Mick Tully with:
All American =
Arm alliance.
Mick Tully with:
The rest is history? =
Resist this theory!
1st - Richard Grantham with:
"What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" =
"Cackling at pieheads with original lines like you."
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Spanish Artist, Francisco de Goya =
I paint horrid ghosty scenes as a fact.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Laurence Olivier in Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights" =
Surely the genius here: brilliant gothic movie winner.
David Bourke with:
Rob Reiner's motion picture "When Harry Met Sally" with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan =
Pretty dirty... women really blush in brilliant orgasm scene. My, what a hornier cry!
Maurice Goddard with:
"HARD TALK" with Tim Sebastian on BBC WORLD =
BBC throws "DIRT TALK" with Osama bin Laden!
Adrian Hickford with:
Agatha Christie's "The Mousetrap" =
Masterpiece hit; author's aghast.
Adrian Hickford with:
Chippendales =
Nipples ached.
Adrian Hickford with:
"Chicken Soup for the Soul" =
Curious help of hen stock.
Meyran Kraus with:
"Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll =
One screwball writer's novel is lunacy... and a riddle.
Allan Morley with:
The pole-vaulter =
Up at other level.
Walter Newboldt with:
The blood of an Englishman =
Flesh and not haemoglobin.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Festival in San Remo =
Invents "re, mi, fa, so, la"!
1st - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Usama bin Laden =
Damnable in U.S.A.!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The World Trade Center Towers in Manhattan, New York City =
Ah, went down in the worst terror attack recently; many die.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Recent tragic events =
Enact strict revenge.
David Bourke with:
The Holy Cross Primary School in Belfast =
Catholic symbols here... sorry flashpoint.
David Bourke with:
Biological warfare ~
I follow Arabic rage.
Maurice Goddard with:
Coach Sven Goran Eriksson's England Football Team - The World Cup UEFA Qualifying Group Nine round encounter in Munich =
Cunning upfield brute force! Five to one goals up quash dull Germany! Michael Owen, running on, on and on, scores a hat-trick!
Richard Grantham with:
Pauline Hanson's One Nation Party =
Its people shun a non-Aryan nation.
David A. Green with:
Mohammed Atta, the Islamic fundamentalist terrorist =
This frustrated, militant Moslem man: Death to America!
Jaybur with:
Soccer star Michael Owen's hat-trick =
Match score is clear: whacks net trio!
Jaybur with:
Harrowing images =
Showing grim area.
Lardy Girl with:
GW Bush says of yesterday, "We will make no distinction between terrorists and those who harbour them." =
We hear news story: "bombs" hit. Many die at the burning two-tower colossus. "The friendly skies?" Head to war?
Mark R. with:
Osama Bin Laden's terrorists =
Its airborne Satans smolder.
1st - David Bourke with:
Durex contraceptives =
Cervix/anus protected.
2nd - Maurice Goddard with:
Massage Parlours =
Orgasms are a plus!
3rd - SpursKevin with:
Swiss Youth Tour =
Show us your tits!
David Bourke with:
The promiscuous woman =
Spacious whore. (Not mum.)
Richard Grantham with:
Town bike =
We bonk it.
David A. Green with:
Massage Parlours =
Orgasms Are Us, pal.
Meyran Kraus with:
A Monthly Period =
I pad my torn hole.
Allan Morley with:
The brassiere =
Breast is here.
Tom Myers with:
Are you really still a virgin? =
A real loyal university girl.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
At least, masturbation is sex with someone you love =
You must be sane solo-artist to examine what is love!
SpursKevin with:
He rises to the occasion ~
She coos at his erection.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Boat based Whale watching is one of the fastest growing tourist
"must do's", in the world today. We have the honour
of appreciating these majestic giants right on our doorstep. The
Southern Right Whales come to our shores from July to November
every year to calve. They were so named because they where considered
the "Right Whale" to shoot for their high blubber content.
South Africa has joined the rest of the world in protecting these
beautiful mammals from the interference of man. Without a special
permit no boat may approach them closer than 300m. There are a
couple of exceptions where special permits have been given to
Marine Biologists to approach within 50m.
SELFTOURS has an arrangement with a Marine Biologist to take you right up close to experience the whales and capture the most amazing photographs. The difference between watching whales from 300m and listening to them breathe at less than 50m makes a "WHALE OF A DIFFERENCE"!
With the whales come the seals and dolphins, then it's onto the land based Big 5 to view, plus Cave tours & the last scheduled Steam train trip through the Garden Route. Something for the whole family from abseiling the cliffs to having tea with the Elephants and their newly born 6 month old baby.
=
Whale & dolphin watching in South Africa is thrilling, but it mightn't be the thing for you. Perhaps you cannot afford to travel this far, perhaps you throw up at the mere sight of a boat, or perhaps you're an expatriate Boer who won't go near the place since the wretched kaffirs ruined it. Well, we can cater for this meanness, seasickness or prejudice by offering you the next best thing for a meagre amount - just £5.00!
You see, the esteemed palaeontologist Hans Thewissen reports that he has unearthed fossils that show these cetaceans' genetic forbear to have been a member of the Artiodactyl group - a group which we happen to have the odd member of here at our place. So come on down to view the whale's nearest living relatives!
*Behold the feeding of that gentle marine mammoth, the Cow! Thrill to this timeless scene!
*Come within 50m of the majestic Goat! Smell it breathe!
*Swim with the Sheep!
*Hear the bewitching, haunting strains of the world's most accomplished songster, the Camel! Now available on 3CDs (£50.00), overlaid with the music of a remote member of the Lloyd-Webber family.
So for all this and more visit the "North London Whale
Sanctuary and Petting Zoo", here at 63 Beluga Rd, Tottenham.
Bringing human and behemoth together - THAT'S OUR PORPOISE!
2nd - David Bourke with:
Get Any Bitch You Want
NOW LEGAL IN THE US FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN!
Imagine a natural aphrodisiac that is proven to attract the opposite sex! Androstenone Pheromone Concentrate (APC) is just that! The opposite sex will subconsciously detect this product and they will be instantly attracted to you!
NOW YOU CAN HAVE THE WOMAN OR MAN OF YOUR DREAMS!!!
MEN CLICK HERE
WOMEN CLICK HERE
=
Want an animal attraction? Canine cuties on heat? Just whistle! Next, you can have any bitch you want! Have pooches mount up against your leg! That there mutt needs a hard, meaty bone!
* Cute little Shar-Pei's! Randy Dinmonts!
* Sexy Setters! Dirty Dobermanns!
(Most not trained!)
No poop! Come on! Call to: http://www.woofwoof.com/
Hot Tail! Pedigree Pooch Porn!
Lassie: CLICK HERE
Bouncer: CLICK HERE
3rd - Larry Brash with:
ASK YOURSELF THESE 3 QUESTIONS:
1. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH AN EXTRA $500, $1000, $5000 PER MONTH?
2. IF YOU CONTINUE DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW, WHERE WILL YOU
BE FINANCIALLY, 4 YEARS FROM NOW?
3. IF THIS TURNED OUT TO BE THE PROGRAM YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR,
WOULD THERE BE ANYTHING TO STOP YOU GETTING STARTED RIGHT NOW?
To learn more about this, email us at: jofra_inc@yahoo.com, and type "MORE INFO" in the subject text. You will receive FREE info, via email.
=
Now, I came up with three cute answers (below) to your fucking goofy questions
1. How to secrete 143,000 pirhana into your enema fluid (unbeknown to you, fool), just before you indulge in a little joyful "water sport".
2. How I might obtain a mere 5,500,000 African driver ants (i.e. the type which eat an ox alive), smother your rotten old genitals with them, and see them dine off your gonads.
3. I extol giving you a wee frontal lobotomy on your birthday.
Adrian Hickford with:
sorry if this is off topic, but it is pretty good, and its not
porn
http://penispower3.devil.ru/
they have a medically proven system to increase the size of the
penis, cure premature ejaculation and just generally make youe
love life better, I checked it out, I have been using it for 4
weeks, and am seeing results already, take a look, see what you
think, I reccommend it greatly.
cheers,
Mikey
=
Mike
Apologies if this anagram alienates you.
I deem you to be:
Cunt-chops.
Evil sadist mother-fucker.
Jiz-loving putrescent teeny-weeny prick.
A dead-tortoise-or-emu-fuckin' oily pervert.
Utterly noisome shitty-shitty-SHITTY! bollock-brain.
Severely degenerate spunk-munchin' jerk-off.
Spam-faced litter-shitter.
Shit-headed twat.
See, you are in the wrong.
Please leave, or die.
Peace.
A.
Allan Morley with:
10 years ago love potion was a myth. Today attacting the opposite
sex with sexually enticing pheromone oil is a reality. =
10 years ago there was no spam in existence. Yet today - oh, how
it is thriving! It totally taxes people out. I claim an apology!
Matjaz Pihler with:
VERY YOUNG TEENS
HARDCORE PORN
HOT LESBIAN ACTION
YOUNGEST LEGAL MODELS
20,000+ HI-RESOLUTION PICTURES
540+ MOVIES SEE ALL THE CONTENT !
CLICK HERE - http://crazybabyz.persik.ru
=
I've consoled my hunger! Thanks!
You prehistoric bitch, stick 20000+ zinc toes up your arse, learn to SPAM one better! An egg plant can do it cleverer. Eh, you blithely sell 540+ zeros!
SpursKevin with:
WHITE EUROPEANS SUCK =
USA is up the creek now.
1st - James H. Young with:
I hail USA! Our crazy law is in a list:
A lone driver may not operate a vehicle wearing a thick, dark
blindfold.
No one may imitate or mock a high clergyman.
Incest, which is inside a marriage, is legitimate.
We prohibit a hunt on Sunday.
No Asian woman can sit atop a man in sex.
No man slanders God (alias Our Savior, Jesus).
No sex is within a woman's anal area.
You cannot leave a car while it is driving ahead.
A skunk or a shark is not a pet.
No honking of a "melodic" horn in a car.
No kiss on a woman's skin as soon as a woman is not awake.
=
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut,
Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana,
Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts,
Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska,
Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North
Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania,
Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas,
Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin,
Wyoming.
2nd - Jaybur with:
I'm all of the glamorous ladies
At whose beckoning history shook.
But you are a man, and see only my pan
So I stay at home with a book.
=
Ooh, a Miss Dorothy Parker
See a symbol of unusual delight.
Men stay away so I moan,
Ooh look I'm alone
I want to be chaste... by a knight.
3rd - Maurice Goddard with:
The Latest News.
Three of our esteemed English members, William Tunstall-Pedoe,
David Bourke and Mick Tully, met for a night out at the The Moon
Under Water Hotel in Charing Cross Rd, London on Tuesday 28th
August 2001. For some obscure reason they decided to cover their
faces with photos of themselves.
Our correspondent from Northolt reports: "As well as being brilliant, William Tunstall-Pedoe is about 20 years younger than me, while David Bourke turns out to be a far better wind-up artist too.
The beer was good though.
William brought along his digital camera and a rather bemused (and gorgeous) young lady did the honours for us. William promises to send you lucky (NOT!) people a link to the photos.
Seriously, I really enjoyed the evening. Thanks, David & William.
Mick"
=
Report From Down Under: Two members get together soon? The renowned "Arch-devil and abuser" psychiatrist is to perform a frontal lobotomy at his private clinic on "Dr Jism, Anagram Hatcher", in Newcastle NSW, Monday 18th March 2002. Due to grounds of professional secrecy, both men's identities are hidden in anagrams.
Pressman in Australia writes: "The lobotomy will hopefully remedy a serious duologue dull Aussie 'mucky lilt' in talking, in an otherwise very intelligent double-tongued word genius!"
The voluble ill patient is reported to have told all: "No worries mate!" The skilled "Abuser" is to make a video of the "Anagram Hatcher's" tortuous huge debut op. A youthful sweet nurse will do the task. Together they go "by-the-book."
Good outlook, but the odds??? A dulled hush!!!
Mo
Jaybur with:
'We must be guided by higher goals than revenge. As we battle
with evil, our goal must be a world where such violence is a thing
of the past.'
=
George Carey has fine news: suggests a better age; that good will
triumph over evil, but we should leave behind habits which outlaw
men.
1st - Larry Brash with:
Osama bin Laden =
A bad man (no lies).
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Renaissance Painter Michelangelo Buonarroti =
A genuine Roman creator - labor in the Sistine Chapel!
3rd - Jaybur with:
The pioneer surgeon Christiaan Barnard =
Sound brain in heart operating research.
David Bourke with:
Milroy-Sloan =
A silly moron.
David Bourke with:
Peter Ridsdale =
Dire Leeds prat.
David Bourke with:
The ex-Police singer and bassist, Sting =
Shit songs? A big pile. Needs tantric sex.
Dan Fortier with:
US President George Washington ~
used an honest, growing prestige.
Dan Fortier with:
Jerome Jacobson =
Jeer, "O no! Job scam!"
Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Fulgencio Batista =
Aliens' gift to Cuba.
Walter Newboldt with:
Sigourney Weaver =
I was your revenge.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Actress Melanie Griffith =
Gere: "Her film is fantastic!"
SpursKevin with:
Charles Hardin Holley =
I heard he'll only crash.
SpursKevin with:
Colonel Moammar Ghadafi =
Armhold of Megalomaniac.
SpursKevin with:
Good King Wenceslas =
A cold week singsong.
1st - James H. Young with:
A Nintendo Gameboy =
Made to be annoying.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Kabul, Afghanistan capital =
Halt a fucking Taliban, ASAP!
3rd - Mick Tully with:
The Intel Corporation =
Tailor one rotten chip.
Richard Grantham with:
Occupational Health and Safety Officer =
Hope they can foil a fatal accident for us.
Richard Grantham with:
The New Penguin Dictionary of Quotations =
Printed out quaint saying of note. How nice.
Allan Morley with:
Alcoholics Anonymous =
Occasional lush? O my, no!
Graham Perkins with:
Film star in nude chat isn't a ~
Christian Fundamentalist.
Mick Tully with:
Universal Studios =
Sound, visual rites.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
No terrorists here!
Join our porn site, turn off the TV, quit watching the crap happening in the states, and join our free site!
2nd - SpursKevin with: [A verse of a poem by Rudyard Kipling]
When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.
=
When you get wounded or dead from American planes,
And we won't stop the US to kill who remain,
And you can still get out if you just use your brains,
Go not to war for Allah or bin Laden.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
[A selection of Caravaggio-related anagrams.]
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio =
I color image in grave, magical shade.
O, each allegoric image is raving mad.
Mad vision? Ah, image allegoric grace.
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio's 'Judith and Holofernes' =
Oh, a vein's ejaculating, flooding her, as her old maid grimaces.
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio's 'David and Goliath' =
'A Clad Child Removing a Giant Rival's Head' is a good image.
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio's 'The Entombment of Christ' =
Ah, face highest, tragic moment - 'Immortal Savior Being Enclosed'.
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio's 'The Conversion of Saint Paul' =
One eager horse clumps along at a magical vision of a divine Christ.
Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio's 'The Crucifixion of Saint Peter' =
Ah, massive piece of a grim execution. Again, terrific colors and light!
James H. Young with:
Dear Entrepreneur:
If you've read this far, chances are you're currently working in a home business, or have in the past. Unfortunately, there's also a 90% or better chance that you aren't seeing the kind of income you had hoped for either. If you're honest with yourself, you know exactly what I'm saying. You did everything you were told to do, but it just hasn't happened for you, time and time again. Sound familiar?
Spend a fraction of the time you would at most day jobs or home businesses and make some cold, hard, CASH!!!! I send out these e-mails, as many as I can, and people send me cash in the mail for information that I just e-mail back to them. It is all completely legal, and I get to make that walk to the mailbox every day knowing that it is full of $5 bills for me!!
What you are about to read is very exciting. Prepare to be amazed. It will explain how almost anyone can legally make a lot of money, in CASH!!! You don't need to have a lot of experience, time, or money to do this, but if you do - all the better! The most important thing you need is the desire to get ahead, a bit of spare time, and an entrepreneurial spirit.
Have you been disappointed with a lot of so-called "opportunities" or all the hassles associated with selling on online auctions? This is different! I'm sure you've heard that before, but please take a few minutes to go through the plan, and make sure you read all of the information. Make this the one you act on!
=
Dear Moron,
A fine hello to you, you louse! When I first began receiving spam like that here in my inbox, I would become totally upset. Often I'd take out the offender's shriveled-up testicles, mix them into a cake batter, and roast the entire thing at 509 Celsius for a total of about six hours. Then I would feed the pastry into the filthy, rotten, loud-mouthed spammer by shoving it down his throat with a letter opener and a used contraceptive sponge. After one year of psychiatric therapy, I soon healed. Yes, now I feel I have overcome this tendency. Today I eagerly await the daily spam because I can post it out as an insulting letter to you and the brilliant people here at alt.anagrams. Most messages bounce back though and don't make it to the spammer because he is too much of a needle nosed prick to spam from his own email address. But at least I can usually entertain the joyful people at alt.anagrams.
While that may excite me a lot, lately I feel I yearn for the days when intense pain was the solution. Hell, I'd go out to the guy's house one rainy day and burn off his hair using a military flame thrower and a jar of kerosene. I'd drop a bit of salt and the juice of one lemon atop his burnt head. Next I'd use a hot razor to poke out one eye. I'd make him eat my foul shit. I'd make him drink all of my urine. However I do none of that anymore. I am out of it, you see? Now I only do anagrams.
Sincerely Not Yours,
David Bourke
David Bourke with:
Dear Entrepreneur:
If you've read this far, chances are you're currently working in a home business, or have in the past. Unfortunately, there's also a 90% or better chance that you aren't seeing the kind of income you had hoped for either. If you're honest with yourself, you know exactly what I'm saying. You did everything you were told to do, but it just hasn't happened for you, time and time again. Sound familiar?
Spend a fraction of the time you would at most day jobs or home businesses and make some cold, hard, CASH!!!! I send out these e-mails, as many as I can, and people send me cash in the mail for information that I just e-mail back to them. It is all completely legal, and I get to make that walk to the mailbox every day knowing that it is full of $5 bills for me!!
What you are about to read is very exciting. Prepare to be amazed. It will explain how almost anyone can legally make a lot of money, in CASH!!! You don't need to have a lot of experience, time, or money to do this, but if you do - all the better! The most important thing you need is the desire to get ahead, a bit of spare time, and an entrepreneurial spirit.
Have you been disappointed with a lot of so-called "opportunities" or all the hassles associated with selling on online auctions? This is different! I'm sure you've heard that before, but please take a few minutes to go through the plan, and make sure you read all of the information. Make this the one you act on!
=
Dear Sir,
A thank you to you, oh, a thank you indeed! I certainly shall! A mailbox full of $5 notes would be wonderful! You see, I am, as it so happens, a pig farmer by trade, but recent business has been slow, 90% down on this time last year. So slow, in fact, that in order to eat, I have had to supplement my yearly income by working as a male prostitute too. I hate it, ooh I really do hate it, it's a damn meat market! Teetering about in enormous stiletto heels and a beautiful blonde wig is not my idea of fun, I tell you! Ooh, mascara plays pure havoc with contact lenses.
How do you ever explain to friends and family a reason for the fishnet tights out on the line, the excellent selection of nail varnishes, the makeup, the purple lip gloss in the bathroom cabinet? It is so demeaning, having to rent out my arsehole for just a few pathetic kroner to another fat lay, a punter, a sweaty-arsed homosexual, or a frustrated businessman.
Hey, I have got my pride. I mean, can you imagine the pure shame, the embarrassment, of the police continually finding me at a seedy public toilet or at a hotel, at it, and the true indignity each and every time having to suck up the hot jism out of the fetid wet dick of a sleazy total stranger? A pure hell! In my opinion, they should be immediately kicked out of the force.
I look forward to the extra money due soon.
I do need it, ooh, do I need it, dear!
Yours (for a cheap fee)
James Howard Young - Odense, Denmark.