Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2002
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Funeral processions =
Person's final course.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Macular degeneration =
Cruel damage on retina.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Faintheartedness =
Sensed fear in that.
David Bourke with:
Mid-teenagers =
Disagreement.
Joe Fathallah with:
Love at first sight =
Fetish to vast girl.
Joe Fathallah with:
Cannabis Cafe =
Faces-A-Ban Inc.
Richard Grantham with:
The alcoholic beverages =
Each goes to bleach liver.
Richard Grantham with:
The Siamese cat =
She sat & ate mice.
Jaybur with:
Pour oil on troubled waters =
Stop our outward rebellion.
Jaybur with:
Healthy lifestyle =
They say he felt ill!
Meyran Kraus with:
Bashful tone? =
Often a blush.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Y Generation =
Their teen agony.
Meyran Kraus with:
Prints taken =
Skin-pattern.
Allan Morley with:
Recreational drug =
Tracing our dealer.
Tom Myers with:
A designer dress =
Disregard sense.
Matjaz Pihler with:
No clues? =
Counsel!
Matjaz Pihler with:
A fair contest =
It's not a farce!
Matjaz Pihler with:
"An old whiskey!", ~
a kidney howls.
Matjaz Pihler with:
Spaghetti sauce =
I get such a paste!
Santi Spadaro with:
Purse, cash... =
purchases.
1st - David A. Green with:
Actress Natalie Portman =
Cast me a star part in 'Leon'.
2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Go, actress ~
- get Oscars!
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Walt Disney's "Toy Story" =
Woody stars, tiny style.
Maurice Goddard with:
"Don't stand in the pouring rain" =
Not pottering, I dash and run in!
Jaybur with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's 'The Pieta' =
Oh, echo religion in apt, marble statue.
Jaybur with:
The late John Thaw, alias Inspector Morse =
So, the major thespian cast in the law role.
Meyran Kraus with:
'Murder on the Orient Express' by Agatha Christie =
Dreary crimes on a train? He exposes the big truth.
1st - Tom Myers with:
The hunt for Osama bin Laden ~
has not found the lamebrain.
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Lady Elizabeth Angela Marguerite Bowes-Lyon =
All eulogize sweet royal grandma in the Abbey.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Osama bin Laden's New Video =
Bad man lived on, as I now see.
Dan Fortier with:
Yassir Arafat's compound =
A dirty campus, sans a roof.
Adrian Hickford with:
President Emile Lahoud =
I helped rule on Mid-East.
Adrian Hickford with:
Entire Dutch cabinet resigns =
Srebrenica? Ugh! It isn't decent.
Jaybur with:
Elizabeth Angela Marguerite Bowes-Lyon =
Anthem ebbs: we're eulogizing a late Royal.
Meyran Kraus with:
"Candidate of the French People" =
Oh, poetic, Le Pen... and farfetched.
Ben Zimmer with:
French presidential election =
Field's retention: Chirac, Le Pen.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
An old people's home =
Oh, smell pee and poo!
2nd - Joe Fathallah with:
Fancy coming out for a drink? =
Try a con: gin, find a room, fuck.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Exotic Dancers =
Concise: X-Rated.
Adrian Hickford with:
Using a vibrator =
Or sit & rub vagina.
Jaybur with:
Women's probs =
Person's womb.
Tom Myers with:
Breasts, arse, and a pie in ~
a brassiere and panties.
1st - Larry Brash with:
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=
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Heroin (mainline hit in the vein or snort in nostril)
Crack or coke (Oh, mercy!)
Ecstasy (extreme!)
LSD (big deals!)
Speed (fucking criminal!)
Uppers (high!)
Downers (12 sorts!)
Peyote (excel-lent!)
Magic mushrooms (very whacked!)
Various opiates (feel amazing!)
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2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
*Pains in the butt but mostly harmless little misfortunes that
happen to the best of us:*
- You get notice that water supply will be shut off in 1/2
an hour, for 18 hours when you took laxatives the night before,
and you're in your cabin in the middle of nowhere in the woods,
and it's mating season for grizzly bears.
- A very enthusiatic you takes a Viagra for the first time and
then remembers right after, that your in-laws are arriving that
very day.
*Pains in the butt and mostly harmful GIGANTIC misfortunes that happen to the best of us:*
- You wake up in the morning and find that your spouse has
left you. MeWantsToCheat.com popped up when he/she started to
type in MeWantsToEat.com!
- You are fired after your boss finds all sorts of pornographic
material in your hard drive, even though you clean out your cache
everyday!
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*Hints that you are a low, sadistic man:*
- Your relationship philosophy is "Three's A Crowd, But Four's A Gang Bang!"
- You inform the staff that they will get their monthly pays - providing that they
sniff your foot provocatively, one at a time.
- The sticker on your front bumper says "Hasta La Vista, Kitty".
*Hints that you are the meanest mother-fucker on Earth:*
- Your unprepared friend interrupts your masturbatory fun as you stuff
something fuzzy up your butt... which turns out to be his toupee.
- If there's a popular 'Get It Over With' bridge, you'll be there to hand out anvils.
- You 'subtly' confess to the new fiancée that a) Weddings aren't important and
exterminate freedom, b) She's not thin enough and her face's vile, and c) Real
women swallow.
- Sending incomprehensible spam to a hotheaded anagrammist is your idea of heaven.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Welcome to the fun and excitement of Sea Scouting! Sea Scouts
is a first-class boating adventure for young adults ages 14 through
20. Sea Scouting is adventure on sea and land -- for you. Sea
Scouting is a co-education program were you will receive expert
training in Seamanship, Navigation, Rules of the Road, Safety,
First Aid, Swimming, Small and Large Boat Handling, Sailing, SCUBA,
Marlinespike, and Boat Construction, Maintenance, and Repairs.
You'll be active in camping, social events, tours, regattas, excursions,
and seamanship contests. You'll also have a chance to develop
maritime skills that can lead to careers later on.
If you are intested in learning more check out http://www.joinseascouts.com
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Forget all that messing about on the water, get a bicycle!
Imagine, tomorrow, gallivanting across agricultural areas,
open countryside, riding on a shining bike.
Breathlessly pedalling up vast hills, just to free-wheel - *fast*
- for miles on the other side. Astonishment!
Go on an excursion on a velocipede or old tandem, cycling in steamy August for perfect picnics of delicate salad, immense Danish pastries and outrageous puddings. Heaven-sent!
Exciting adventures, too, as a titanic truck accelerates and fails to see you. A cracked cranium - a serious concussion - massive trauma - rotten pain - unconsciousness - an anxious wait - an ambulance arrives - fatal devastation...
At two-wheels-on-my-wagon.com
Dan Fortier with:
Get paid cash every time you receive email! =
I may receive lie - Spam guy to receive DEATH!
1st - David Bourke with:
Microsoft ScanDisk
Because Windows was not properly shut down, one or more of your disk drives may have errors on it.
To avoid seeing this message again, always shut down your computer by selecting Shut Down from the Start menu.
ScanDisk is now checking drive C for errors:
=
Dear Mr Gates,
Thanks for being such a patronising twat. Seems the overlooked true reason ScanDisk's always used is your firm's 'Microsoft Windows' crashing, not viruses or that I don't even know how to close down my PC, you very-rich, moronic four-eyed scum pissbag weirdo nerd!
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing one letter and supply a new definition.
Here are the 2001 Winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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Here is a list highlighting the New Year's Resolutions you *will* sincerely be able to keep:
- Gain a little weight. At least 100 pounds.
- Procrastinate a lot more. Starting tomorrow.
- Don't date any of the beautiful Baywatch cast.
- Singlehandedly get in a whole NEW rut!
- Start being a really superstitious paranoiac.
- Refuse to eat any genuinely cloned beefsteak.
- Watch extra TV. Yeah, I've missed some good stuff lately.
- Don't bring any lunch from home: I should eat out more.
- Get on further into debt.
- Don't unthinkingly believe high-handed grey-haired pin-headed
politicians.
- Break at least 2 traffic laws daily.
- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
- Don't have nine children all at once.
- Stay off the International Space Station.
- Don't swim with piranhas or endangered sharks.
- Consider stopping exercising. Yeah, it's an extraordinary waste
of time.
- Haphazardly spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep
track of them.
- Wait around for opportunity.
- Focus painstakingly on the inherent faults of others.
- Don't ever, ever make New Year's Resolutions again.
3rd - Lardy Girl with:
Found in the Kama Sutra:
The people in the Southern countries have also a congress in the
anus, that is called the lower congress'.
=
Ah, no-one here would admit such partaking of the non-vaginal
chute. Let's lie, then. Cast these aspersions on other cultures'
arses!
David Bourke with:
The British singer and actress Marianne Faithfull =
Slides in a half-eaten Mars Bar... fits right in her cunt!
Richard Brodie with:
United Nations envoy calls Jenin devastation unjustified. =
Deviant Sunni junta infests Judea - it can soon die violently!
1st - Larry Brash with:
The actress Mae West =
Cast me, sweethearts.
2nd - Jaybur with:
A. Aspertini =
Is a painter!
3rd - Alun Morris with:
Aretha Franklin =
Finer than a lark.
Richard Grantham with:
Michael Gerald Tyson =
I let clod gnash my ear.
Adrian Hickford with:
Antoni Tapies =
I paint so neat.
Tom Myers with:
Actress Liz Hurley =
Sleazy! Result: rich!
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Ariel is ~
Israeli.
1st - Joe Fathallah with:
Anagram Genius =
Gag in a surname.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Serengeti =
Green site.
3rd - Mick Tully with:
Morgan Stanley =
Analyst-monger.
Joe Fathallah with:
Cambridge University =
Id est, very big cranium.
Joe Fathallah with:
alt.aliens =
I tell NASA!
Maurice Goddard with:
alt.folklore.ghost-stories =
Hitler gases folk, so lot rot.
Jan Hyde with:
Planet Earth =
Eternal path.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
A Dream Within a Dream
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
"Katherine" by Robert Louis Stevenson
3rd - Allan Morley with:
[A Nostradamus quatrain supposedly predicting September 11.]
Cinq & quarante degrez ciel bruslera
Feu approcher de la grand cite neuue
Instant grand flamme esparse sautera
Quand on voudra des Normans faire preuue.
=
A tense, unseen quarrel of Asia shall come up:
Dual quarters are ruptured, razed in fire;
Abundant fear & deceased men prompt
A crusader avenging, conquering.