NOVEMBER 2004 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2004


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
An apple each day keeps the doctor away =
Hey, claptrap! We eat peaches and do okay.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sleep deprivation =
Tip: naps do relieve.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Someone who says "rubber" in England =
Nobody's blushing. No, we mean "eraser".

David Bourke with:
Tandoori dishes =
Addition: Horses.

Larry Brash with:
Oral contraceptives ~
violate pro-RC stance.

Tony Crafter with:
Expensive lingerie encourages ~
sexier evening in eager couples.

Tony Crafter with:
Enter the chatroom =
Torment each other.

Tony Crafter with:
A tin of spaghetti =
Fat as the pig on it?

Tony Crafter with:
Healthy cow identified in ~
the city of New Delhi, India.

Tony Crafter with:
Designated Conservation Area =
Assign a tree care and devotion.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Troubling =
Guilt born.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Auto claims =
Calamitous!

J.J. Gertler with:
Christmas mail-order catalogues =
Glamorous delicacies? Trash mart?

Toby Gottfried with:
Across theaters: ~
orchestra seats.

Toby Gottfried with:
Hearts hope in volatile ~
love-hate relationship.

Toby Gottfried with:
Catholic Paters veto modern ~
oral contraceptive methods.

Richard Grantham with:
Tearfulness at ~
state funerals.

Jaybur with:
Distasteful =
It left us sad.

Meyran Kraus with:
I hear Doc list my ~
medical history.

Meyran Kraus with:
Cut back on payments =
Empty bank accounts.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Roman Catholic priest =
A complainer to Christ?

Matthew O'Dempsey with:
Obedience training =
Erode canine biting.

Rosie Perera with:
Discovering the ultimate anagram =
or avid letter magician hunts a gem.

Rosie Perera with:
Please do not leave belongings unattended =
Need I nag? Don't get valuables opened, stolen.

Rosie Perera with:
Roman Catholic priest =
I control atheism crap.

Rosie Perera with:
Conservative think tanks =
Kick entrant; votes vanish.

Rosie Perera with:
Anti-terror laws =
Arrest, trial now.

Rick Rothstein with:
Alternative energy choices ~
get the air so clean. Very nice!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The future's bright, the future's Orange =
The future's gone. Right after Bush. True.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The one-eyed man with a parrot =
One made a worthy pirate, then.

View with:
Electra complex =
Come, call expert.

Alan Yoshioka with:
Lad leads in ~
a landslide.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
A Christmas number one ~
means abhorrent music.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom =
Long days wasted in gimmick.

3rd - Jaybur with:
Paula Radcliffe wins the NY Marathon =
Fit new champion had a really fast run.

David Bourke with:
The former Spice Girls singer Victoria Beckham =
This grim voice? Christ! Screaming preferable, OK!

Larry Brash with:
The film, "Casablanca", starring Humphrey Bogart =
Hah! Rather camp story set afar in gambling club.

Tony Crafter with:
Singer/composer Sir Elton John ~
projects senior English moron.

Tony Crafter with:
The musical, 'The Producers' =
Purchased Hitler costume!

Tony Crafter with:
'That Don't Impress Me Much', by Shania Twain =
Bitchy dame: "What's-his-name's unimportant."

Toby Gottfried with:
"Death of a Salesman" by Arthur Miller =
A harder reality humbles Loman fast.

Toby Gottfried with:
The Boston Symphony Orchestra ~
abhors the Monty Python scores.

Adrian Hickford with:
Theatrical performance =
Actor in ephemeral craft.

Meyran Kraus with:
The music of Radiohead =
Ah, a method for suicide!

Matthew O'Dempsey with:
The Shawshank Redemption =
He knew maths... Hated prison.

Rosie Perera with:
Victor Marie Hugo's Les Miserables ~
has crime, guilt, savior, some rebels.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Toccatas =
Staccato.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adrian Hickford with:
US Election Day
Easily counted.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The Coalition of the Willing =
While, in fact, looting the oil.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
President George W. Bush has won =
Ah, depressing news brought woe.

David Bourke with:
"A reversible coma" =
"Observe a miracle".

David Bourke with:
The aid worker Margaret Fitzsimons (Hassan) =
Darkest fear: Amazing Irishwoman shot. Rest.

Tony Crafter with:
The musicals star Howard Keel is dead =
Oh dear, sad, as we liked him. Utter class.

Tony Crafter with:
Elton John's outbursts =
So blunt, or just honest?

Tony Crafter with:
American-marine-squad photographs =
Gun-mad perhaps? Iraqi shot on camera.

Scott Gardner with:
Tuesday, the second of November =
Many votes to decree end of Bush.

Scott Gardner with:
President George Walker Bush =
Bungler retakes power. (Sighed)

J.J. Gertler with:
The George W. Bush administration's second term =
More rude machinations beget dissent's growth.

Toby Gottfried with:
A second four-year term for Bush =
To me, scorn for Dubya as Fuehrer.

Jaybur with:
The votes really ~
reveal they lost...

Meyran Kraus with:
The American president George W. Bush =
Another term? His win's buggered peace.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The American feast of Thanksgiving =
A fasting tom? ...He hates carving knife!

Matthew O'Dempsey with:
Illinois Senator Barack Obama =
No biases ail main black orator.

Rosie Perera with:
Yasser Arafat bedridden in hospital =
Arabs despair and identify last hero.

Rosie Perera with:
Secretary of State Colin Luther Powell =
Can't sell war policy; therefore let's out.

Rick Rothstein with:
What is "The Bush Doctrine"? =
Noted: "He acts with hubris!"


THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
President of the United States of America =
Seems that one stupid rat retained office.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The famous painter Pablo Ruiz Picasso =
Popularizes Cubism into a phase of art.

3rd - Hans-Peter Reich with:
The astronaut Michael Collins =
It's moon launches that I recall.

David Bourke with:
The late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat =
Death. A separate state finally near, Israel?

Larry Brash with:
Billiards player, Eddie Charlton ~
did pot red balls... really nice hair.

Tony Crafter with:
Singer Toni Braxton =
Brains next to groin!

Toby Gottfried with:
Rove, the political strategist =
"I target victories at the polls."

Jaybur with:
The late President Ronald Wilson Reagan ~
learned lines in a part on the world stage.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice =
Foresee crazy-zealot dictator scene?

Matthew O'Dempsey with:
Daedalus and Icarus =
A lad: "Dad, I curse a Sun!"

Matthew O'Dempsey with:
Gina Lollobrigida =
O! All raging libido!

Rosie Perera with:
Alfred Kinsey =
Seedily frank.

Rosie Perera with:
Comic, Steve Martin =
Critics veto me, man.

Rosie Perera with:
Martin Luther =
Truth in realm.

Rick Rothstein with:
The PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat =
Sympathies are for a charlatan.

Rick Rothstein with:
Syndicated columnist Ann Coulter =
I concur, "Malcontented lady is nuts!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
Rutgerus Johannes Martinus van Nistelrooy =
Man enjoys run. Goals turnover; it's his nature.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Bush is great
rights abuse.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The ingredients of a McDonald's Shake =
Gee, that's odd - a scan finds no 'Milk' here.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
New York Giants =
Towering Yanks.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The American Society of Plastic Surgeons =
No lies... cosmetic surgery ain't cheap, fatso.

David Bourke with:
The American Society of Plastic Surgeons =
Can create prosthetic noses if I am so ugly.

Larry Brash with:
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder =
Forced to visit the pediatrician? Try deny it!

Tony Crafter with:
Nottinghamshire =
Might rain. Honest!

Scott Gardner with:
President of the United States of America =
I (stupid miscreant) defeat foe (the senator).

J.J. Gertler with:
Underwear by Victoria's Secret =
Indiscreet wearers buy, cavort.

Toby Gottfried with:
The U.S. Department of Homeland Security =
You muscle men that defend the airports.

Jaybur with:
Scotts Porridge Oats =
Stir! Crops taste good.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Guinness Book of Records =
Kudos on best of scoring here.

Matthew O'Dempsey with:
Holy Grail =
Hail Glory.

Rosie Perera with:
Senate Judiciary Committee =
Mediocre justice at any time.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Federation Against Copyright Theft ~
hopes to deny a fat art thief getting rich!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Serious Organised Crime Organisation =
a good counter-terrorism sign, i.e. is he Asian?


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The Palestinian Liberation Organisation chairman, Yasser Arafat =
He is an agitator for a tiny Arab nation. Rests in Peace in Ramallah.

eq.1st - Joel Davey with:
Martin Luther King Junior's "I Have A Dream" speech was delivered on the steps of The Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C., August, 1963. =
Though he was discriminated against then, this outspoken gentleman overwhelmed racial prejudice norms in US over Fall 1963.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The leader of the conquistadores, Hernando Cortez =
He rode forth on a desire to conquer the Aztecs' land.

David Bourke with:
The American Presidential elections: President Bush, or President Kerry? =
Intemperate redneck cretin or hopeless drab suit? Sadly, neither inspire.

David Bourke with:
George Walker Bush, the President of the United States of America =
See doubted chief kept in White House... great letters for anagrams!

David Bourke with:
George W. Bush, President of The United States of America =
Won the race? Oh bugger! I'm pissed off! (Attitudes are tense).

Tony Crafter with:
Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History =
Aha! Our Institution's many shells form a mountain!

J.J. Gertler with:
President Abe Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation =
Economic plan: proscribe and eliminate plantations.

J.J. Gertler with:
Martin Luther posted his ninety-five theses; then ~
the stern Rome pundits vilify his heathen tenets.

Toby Gottfried with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland ~
read "India thank Lord Mountbatten for ending their reign".

Jaybur with:
The British wartime leader Winston Churchill: 'I have nothing to offer but blood, sweat, toil and tears.' =
Well, now Bush can reinforce that with vigour: no lie... rather that this time, it's blood, debt, oil and fears.

Meyran Kraus with:
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains." =
On a novel oration by an avid Sir Winston, minds can reason that a darn vain Bush's a 30 year old man *now* - as he has neither.

Rosie Perera with:
American Transportation Security Administration =
Miniature tyrants in a democratic nation's airports.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Liverpool and England footballer, Emlyn 'Crazy Horse' Hughes, OBE =
Lovely chap
Gently noble
Hero long amazed us
As for end... horrible.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month. Armistice. =
The youth set off.
Men do their evil.
The tenth.
Then Heaven overcame Hell.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender says, "But you're a duck."
"Yep, that is very true," says the duck.
"And you talk, too!" exclaims the bartender."
"Indeed I do," says the duck, "I'd like a large beer, and one of your finest sandwiches."
"Certainly," says the bartender, "it's just we don't get to see too many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around these parts?"
"I'm working for a builder in this area," replies the duck.
So then the duck has his beer and sandwich, pays up and leaves.
One day, the ringleader of a circus comes into the pub, and the bartender tells him about his clever friend, the talking duck.
"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "ask him to come over and see me."
The next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, you're in luck. I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "where?"
"At the circus," says the bartender.
"The circus?"
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"That place with all those animals? With the great big tent?"
"Yes, that's right," says the bartender.
The duck looks confused.
"So what do they want with a plasterer?"

=

A man, a flamingo, and a black cat enter a bar. The man says to the bartender: "Hey, I'd like a bottle of Bud!" The flamingo says: "Ooh, you know, I'd just LOVE a pina colada, please sir, if that's not too much trouble." The cat cussed: "Hey! I want a double scotch whisky. Buckshee. Heck, I sure ain't paying! And hurry, OK!" The bartender was utterly speechless!

The next night, these same three characters venture back in. The man orders a Bud, the flamingo a pina colada, and the cat a scotch, curtly adding: "Hey! Damn sure I AIN'T paying, OK!" Rather shocked, surprised, and pretty perturbed, the bartender can't contain his curiosity, and asks about these creatures (the bird and the very rude pesky cat).

"OK..." the customer says, "...I was out on the links yesterday, when I missed a shot, well crooked into the bushes. I went to retrieve the ball, there was this hundred-year old muddy bottle lying there. As I opened it - 'Eureka!' - out came this genie, who expressed he'd grant any wish I desired."

"Like, sure buddy! Heck, just what did you ask for?"

Red-eyed, he answers: "A pretty cultured bird with very long legs and a dark, tight pussy!"

 

2nd - Joe Fathallah with:
The Lord's Prayer

 

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Bush Pardons Thanksgiving Turkey
Wed, Nov 17

President Bush has spared the life of the nation's Thanksgiving turkey, after an election to name the bird which he reports was "neck and neck."

Continuing a 57-year White House tradition, the president formally issued the pardon for 'Biscuits' and the back-up bird 'Gravy' in a Rose Garden ceremony.

The turkeys were raised in West Virginia, and will now go to a petting zoo in the Washington suburbs.

The naming ballot was conducted on the White House Web site, which recorded thousands of entries. The names 'Patience' and 'Fortitude' came in second. Bush reports it was a nasty campaign, with attack ads from a group called "Barnyard Animals for Truth", and what he says was a scurrilous film called "Fahrenheit 375 Degrees - at Ten Minutes Per Pound."

=

Baked 'Biscuits'
Wed, Nov 24

In a surprising turn, George W. Bush annulled his pardon for 'Biscuits' the turkey, sentencing it to death instead.

Apparently Biscuits had fed on, among other things, turkey mince and "was, in fact, pecking on his own." G.W. called this "a cannibalistic, morally evil frenzy", and warned: "Harsh acts spur harsh punishment."

After a last meal of cranberry sauce, parsnip and white rice, the bird is due to fry on Friday morning. This would be simultaneously broadcast on radio, Court-TV and the Food Network.

Although G.W. denied revenge was the reason, a White House source tips that in one week the turkey proved to be a better speaker than the president, knew more White House Staff names than him, and was pressed to run against G.W. as the Democratic candidate in Oh-Eight.

 

Tony Crafter with:
... A helpless silence fell between the man and the woman.
"Shall us go i' th' 'ut?" he asked.
"Do you want me?" she asked in a sort of mistrust.
"Ay, if you want to come."
She was silent.
"Come then!" he said.
And she went with him to the hut. It was quite dark when he had shut the door, so he made a small light in the lantern, as before.
"Have you left your underthings off?" he asked her.
"Yes."
"Ay, well, then I'll take my things off too."
..."Lie down then!" ...
(Extract from 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' by D.H. Lawrence)
=
In which smooth-talking Mellors overcomes bonny Lady C's sexual distrust with his eloquent talk, and fun northern charm. Although of the horsey set, the Lady has a naivety that the astute Mellors soon drills through without effort when he takes the weepy lady off to his base-hut and he showers her with unsheathed affection. We see them go at it like newlyweds and we see the 'old-maidenly' lady become a new, keen, unashamed femme fatale.
Ay, it'll end in tears.

 

Tony Crafter with:
"Er... poppa Sitting Bull, how did we get our names?"
"Well, my son: Your young sister she called Flowing Water because the first thing I see when I leave my tepee after she born was fast stream. Your brother, he named Shooting Star because that is what I see in sky when I leave my tepee after he born. Other brother called Moonshine, for that's what I see in sky from my tepee after he born too. Anyway, why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"

=

"Father, I want a woman."
"Hmm... tell me, Greg, does the tip of your prick reach your ass?"
"Gee, no."
"Then wait a while."

(TWO YEARS LATER)
"Father, I want a woman."
"Does the tip of your prick reach...?"
"...no sir, but..."
"...well you're not ready, Greg."
"Why?"
"No cheekiness, Greg."

(TWELVE MONTHS LATER)
"Father, I..."
"Son, does...?"
"Not yet, b'but I feel these big sensations in..."
"Humph! Rubbish! Be off!"

(TWELVE WEEKS LATER)
"Hi pa! I..."
"Does the...?"
"Yesss father! Yessss!"
"My boy... you don't need a woman."

 

Rosie Perera with:
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - George Bush
=
Our leader is a devout bonehead. He can never make sense, but prays to God for a new war, ruining our proven reputation. Why? He hinted urge: wants to colonise our enemy.

 

Christopher Sturdy with:
Dr. No
From Russia With Love
Goldfinger
Thunderball
You Only Live Twice
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Diamonds Are Forever
Live and Let Die
The Man with the Golden Gun
The Spy Who Loved Me
Moonraker
For Your Eyes Only
Octopussy
A View to a Kill
The Living Daylights
Licence to Kill
GoldenEye
Tomorrow Never Dies
The World is Not Enough
Die Another Day

=

Here are the twenty James Bond films.
(Never Say Never Again doesn't count - it was Warner rather than United Artists!)
They don't do heroes like
'Shir' Sean Connery, Roger "I'm dull" Moore, Down Under guy, T. Dalton (who?), good old Pierce...
Who fills the void, eh?
If you go for:
Violence
Making love
Vice
Dim evil plots
Lovely dolly girls
Vehicles
Glory
Hey, we'd like to meet you.

 


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Remember me when I am gone away

 

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The sonnet in Shakespeare's series that had the misfortune to be number 69.

 

3rd - David Bourke with:
'Do They Know It's Christmas?' - Band Aid

 

David Bourke with:
'Sherry' - Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

 

Tony Crafter with:
Hey Nikita

 

Tony Crafter with:
Salt spray on shingle.
The old man stands on the shore,
Alone with the sea.
=
Moonlight on water,
Soothes the shiny sea and land.
Ah! the restless plan.

 

Rosie Perera with:
Jesus' seven "I AM" declarations in the gospel of John:
6:35 I am the bread of life.
8:12 I am the light of the world.
10:7 I am the gate for the sheep.
10:11 I am the Good Shepherd.
11:25 I am the resurrection and the life.
14:6 I am the way, the truth, and the life.
15:1 I am the true vine.

=

Oh, Jesus' major self-notions have special edge in NT:
6:35 Mafia, I bled for thee.
8:12 I'm with God the Father (LOL)
10:7 He might separate the foe.
10:11 Ahh, God promised thee...
11:25 Hence, if I raised thee, mortal, turn!
14:6 What faith? Untimely death there.
15:1 I the virtue, Amen!

 


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Matthew O'Dempsey with:
Penthouse Magazine =
Menage-a-one... shut zip.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Polanski, the director =
"It's OK to rape children."

eq.3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Sildenafil (Viagra) =
Sir filled a vagina!

eq.3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The pleasures of being a rock musician =
Main scenario's the fuckable groupies!

David Bourke with:
The oldest profession =
Sit on flesh torpedoes!

Tony Crafter with:
Stripteaser =
Prettier ass.

Tony Crafter with:
Up at the crack of dawn =
Fun-packed act or what!

Jesse Frankovich with:
The x-rated movies =
Sex motivated her.

Adrian Hickford with:
Penthouse Magazine =
Seeing up the Amazon.

Christopher Sturdy with:
"How was it for you, then, darling? =
"A drag! How tiny? In short, woeful!"

View with:
Underwear by Victoria's Secret =
Buy new, red, racier ass & tit cover!


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