DECEMBER 2004 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2004


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Hans-Peter Reich with:
What is the square root of nine? =
THREE, for an equation shows it!

eq.2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Separation of church and state =
Sane courts don't preach a faith.

eq.2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
True lottery =
Try roulette!

David Bourke with:
Lasting friend =
Isn't life grand?

Larry Brash with:
Working out at the gym =
Grim way to get to hunk.

Tony Crafter with:
An all-over suntan ~
on annual travels.

Tony Crafter with:
Privileged classes =
Graceless, idle VIP's.

Tony Crafter with:
Nobody likes a smartarse =
Sly, irksome and a boaster.

Tony Crafter with:
A typical Brit =
Bit paralytic!

Tony Crafter with:
Hot mince pies =
Nice shop item.

Tony Crafter with:
Young, alive! =
A guy in love.

Joe Fathallah with:
Praise the Lord =
Hear old priest.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Health foods ~
half-soothed.

J.J. Gertler with:
Nine gammahydroxybutyrate-A drops =
My buxom date shared in an orgy party!

Toby Gottfried with:
African elephants =
Ten can help safari.

Jaybur with:
Models of virtue ~
must die for love?

Jaybur with:
Discover how to lose a stone safely =
So create way to shovel in less food?

Meyran Kraus with:
Arabian camels ~
are animal-cabs.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Praise the Lord =
Priest had role?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Modern art =
Damn retro!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Breakfast cereals =
Carb eaters' flakes.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Praise the Lord ~
or let Hades rip!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"A simplified tax code" ~
is complexified data!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Earth to Sun is a lot in cm. =
The unit's astronomical!

Rosie Perera with:
What does the integral of two-x equal? =
Whew, I got the lean total of x-squared.

Rosie Perera with:
Rotten apples ~
splatter open.

Rosie Perera with:
Something fishy is afoot =
Gosh, my shoe is off, ain't it!

Rosie Perera with:
Slot machine =
Halts income.

Rosie Perera with:
Vegetarian meals ~
are leaving meats.

Rosie Perera with:
The anti-depressant medication Zoloft is ~
a noted tonic to lift men's haziest despair.

Rosie Perera with:
The stroke of midnight =
Time for ghost then, kid.

Rick Rothstein with:
Absent without leave =
A US vet: "O! I bent the law."

Rick Rothstein with:
Sanatorium ~
routs mania.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Same ~
as me.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David A. Green with:
'Born Free: A Lioness of Two Worlds' by Joy Adamson =
Enjoy sober story of a woman's bond for wild Elsa.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Steinway "Model A" Grand Piano =
We'd played a sonata in G minor.

eq.3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas =
Frigid airs came with same month.

eq.3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The notes in a scale: do re mi fa sol la ti do =
Soloists note familial chant: "Doe, a deer, ..."

David Bourke with:
'The Closest Thing To Crazy' by Katie Melua ~
is totally amazing! Best yet! Check her out!

Tony Crafter with:
Abba's 'Dancing Queen' =
Banqueing and beacs.

Tony Crafter with:
'Last Christmas' (I gave you my heart) =
Gay Mr Michael's vast 'year's-out' hit.

Tony Crafter with:
The singer/guitarist Katie Melua =
A UK hit single! Gee, I'm a true artist.

Joe Fathallah with:
"American Idiot" =
I am a cretinoid.

J.J. Gertler with:
Yahoo Serious' films =
Oh my, I floor Aussies.

Toby Gottfried with:
"Frankenstein" by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley =
Let canny Karloff style her sinewy lab monster.

Jaybur with:
A Tale of Two Cities, a novel by Charles Dickens =
They even faced Bastille: in a classic work, too.

Meyran Kraus with:
Charles and Mary Lamb's 'Tales from Shakespeare' =
Make a shameless recap from all the Bard's yarns.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens =
Shades scorn miser, call charity back.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Nobel Prize for Literature =
The Pulitzer for a terrible one?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Animal Farm by George Orwell =
Morally, menagerie grow flab.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Little Bear by Maurice Sendak =
Likeable cub set in dreamy art.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"A museum made art", said ~
Madame Marie Tussaud.

Rosie Perera with:
ABBA's 'Dancing Queen' =
A band sang in Quebec.

Rosie Perera with:
German Painter Lucas Cranach the Elder =
Created church altar panels (main genre).

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Jams =
As M.J.

View with:
Buddy Holly and the Crickets =
Kitschy ted & really odd bunch.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Alan Yoshioka with:
Sumatra =
Traumas.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The tsunami disaster =
Asians muttered "SHIT!"

eq.3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
A heartbeat away from the Presidency =
A part I'd fear: that Cheney may be worse.

eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Second term of the Bush administration =
Mind if I doubt that chosen one's smarter?

David Bourke with:
Saddam Hussein is allegedly on a hunger strike =
Shun solids, energy halted. (Like Ramadan, I guess!)

Larry Brash with:
Lisa Montgomery =
I'm mostly an ogre.

Tony Crafter with:
Home Secretary David Blunkett resigns =
Government dislikes ratty debauchers?

Toby Gottfried with:
Nine-point-zero earthquake's ~
zone quite shaken, in a report.

Jaybur with:
Movie star Julia Roberts =
I rest: I'm just over a labor...

Meyran Kraus with:
President Saddam Hussein's lawyer =
Hardly assumes a win's predestined...

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Washington State gubernatorial race =
That battle count has Gregoire as a winner?

Rosie Perera with:
U.S. foreign policy =
Cue: spying for oil.

Rosie Perera with:
Some Diebold automatic voting machines ~
gave Bush aid amidst election commotion.

Rosie Perera with:
The disaster recovery =
CARE servers, they do it.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Tsunami... one blur ~
insurmountable.

View with:
Tsunami hits India =
Humanists aid in it.


THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
General A. Pinochet =
Great Chilean? Nope.

2nd - Jaybur with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale, Angel of the Crimea =
Once using gentle care, for men in fragile health.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The fashion designer Pierre Cardin =
He inspired chains of trendier gear.

David Bourke with:
Kimberly Fortier-Quinn =
I'm flirty 'n' require bonk.

David Bourke with:
Sir Isaac Newton ~
is a new star icon.

Larry Brash with:
Ukraine opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko =
Vote in our hardy skipper. He is a knockout (no lie).

Larry Brash with:
James Dewey Watson, Francis Harry Compton Crick =
A major newsworthy story: "Men crack specific DNA".

Tony Crafter with:
Diego Armando Maradona =
Dear! I am a god and a moron.

Toby Gottfried with:
The author Ernest Hemingway =
Men say, "Oh, Great White Hunter!"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Michael York =
I hack my role.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Georges Lemaitre =
Large geometries.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
General Augusto Pinochet =
To rule out hanging, escape!

Rosie Perera with:
Philosopher Immanuel Kant =
I think up moral pleonasm, eh?

Rosie Perera with:
The composer Aaron Copland =
Oh, a modern concerto appals.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Caterina Scorsone
One nice Oscar star.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Beaches of Normandy =
Death on some French bay.

2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
United States Marine Corps =
Sent in to capture sidearms.

3rd - View with:
The Promised Land =
A splendid mother.

David Bourke with:
soc.support.fat-acceptance =
Concocts up a perfect pasta!

J.J. Gertler with:
The MacArthur Foundation "genius" grants
Not a tide of cash nurturing great humans.

Toby Gottfried with:
EuroDisney ~
is your need.

Toby Gottfried with:
Deutschland boring? =
Edinburgh, Scotland!

Meyran Kraus with:
The MacArthur Foundation "genius" grants =
It's a handout of cash, nurturing great men.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Smithsonian Museum =
Stone hut has mummies in.

Rosie Perera with:
Oxford University =
I overstudy for nix.

Rosie Perera with:
Universite de La Sorbonne =
Erudite brains (novel ones).

Rosie Perera with:
Heisman Memorial Trophy Award =
What a player! Admire him, morons!

Rick Rothstein with:
The MacArthur Foundation ~
honoured that fat cranium.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The International Atomic Energy Agency =
Iran negate American technology entity.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
If it squirms, it's biology
If it stinks, it's chemistry
If it doesn't work, it's physics
And if you can't understand it, it's mathematics.
=
If it's wordy, it's English
If it's knotty, it's economics
If it squeaks, it's music
And if it's run by the Antichrist, dammit, it's sport day.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The RSPCA (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) =
Oh, role's to protect a variety of species? Then I truly *can't* harm one fly!

3rd - Larry Brash with:
A terrible Indian Ocean tsunami hits Sumatra, and the Andaman and Nicobar islands, first, then Sri Lanka and the Maldives =
It inundates the vibrant sea-front Asian land, like Indonesia, Thailand and Burma, maims and massacres children that ran.

David Bourke with:
The former Pantera and Damageplan guitarist Darrell Lance "Dimebag" Abbott =
Bang! - Drama report: American fat bastard metal legend got a bullet in head. RIP.

Larry Brash with:
"Essential Psychopharmacology of Antipsychotics and Mood Stabilizers" - Stephen M. Stahl =
He says most costly pills may act fast to help both schizophrenia and manic depression go.

Tony Crafter with:
O death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory? =
Herewith have theory: Dying's scary, so get it over with.

Dan Fortier with:
Bernard Kerik will not get a Homeland Security job =
Worried nanny's illegal? Oh, dim jerk better back out!

Toby Gottfried with:
Donald Rumsfeld:
"As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want, or wish to have at a later time." =
Today, we fathom that he may start a mad war with not enough killer-avoiding armor, yet say, "We love you! (Now shut your mouth.)"

Jaybur with:
In recent audience viewing figures in the US, John McEnroe's talk show beat only one other show 'How to Boil Water.' =
Oh, so then I gather few who love his winning line, 'YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!' are keen to watch Wimbledon court jester.

Rosie Perera with:
Dorothy Parker's Ode to the Martini:
I love a martini -- but two at the most.
Three, I'm under the table; four, I'm under the host.
=
Sotted potty-mouth here. Waiter, that famous inebriated lush had better limit her vermouth drink ration to one more.

Rosie Perera with:
I love a martini -- but two at the most.
Three, I'm under the table; four, I'm under the host.
=
We met. Thud! That famous inebriated lush better limit her vermouth ration to one.

Rosie Perera with:
I wonder, students, what do you all suppose is the circumference of a circle?
=
A fraction?
Ten? Ouch, drat, I'm clueless.
I hope "two pi r" succeeds.
Yes! Wonderful!

Rosie Perera with:
This new Secretary of Homeland Security, Bernard Kerik =
He enshrined liberty, rescued New York from air attacks.

Rosie Perera with:
Best Wishes for the New Year, Two Thousand and Five =
Hah! I sense way better news if U.S. had not voted for W.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Trying is the first step towards failure - Homer Simpson =
Pessimist Sir. Worrying is the end for our half attempts!

Alan Yoshioka with:
And he came to her and said, "Greetings, favored one. The Lord is with you." =
The Virgin Mary to the angel: "The Son arose of His Dad? A wonder, I deduce!"


THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's Challenge was to create anagrams on a Christmas theme.

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Christmas Greetings =
Grinch misses target.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Traditional Christmas Greetings
I sign the card, mail it to strangers.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
As the clock strikes Midnight on Christmas Eve =
He makes visit to cram the children's stockings.

David Bourke with:
Christmas, the season of goodwill =
Food, stress, how magical, this Noel!

Larry Brash with:
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus =
Is true, as he visits a nice Aryan gal.

Tony Crafter with:
Turkey for Xmas =
Yum! Extra forks!

Tony Crafter with:
Angel, a star-beam ~
a stable, a manger.

Dan Fortier with:
Christmas tree disasters =
Distress as cat trims here!

Jesse Frankovich with:
For the holidays, you can't beat home sweet home =
Yet on the bothersome family chaos, we head out.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Holiday traditions =
Additional history.

J.J. Gertler with:
In the malls, as Christmas Eve approaches ~
Sham Santa sells his cheap crap overtime.

Toby Gottfried with:
We Three Kings of Orient Are =
Keen foreign trio was there.

Toby Gottfried with:
'Twas the Night before Christmas =
The merchants wish to bear gifts.

Adrian Hickford with:
The Sermon in an Advent Carol Service =
Vicar drones on at eleven: "Christ, Amen."

Jaybur with:
'Tis the season to be jolly! =
So? So all the best: enjoy it!

Jaybur with:
A Christmas stocking =
Tot's 'sack' is charming!

Meyran Kraus with:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer =
Horned One's true pride led herd!

Meyran Kraus with:
Yuletide ornaments =
Damn you, tree-tinsel!

Paul Lusch with:
It came upon the midnight clear =
Time to put each child in manger.

Paul Lusch with:
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire =
I hung on to nice presents for Santa.

Paul Lusch with:
We three kings of Orient are =
Where go I? One fine star trek.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Queen's Christmas message to the nation =
'Tis the season monarchs get antique themes.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas =
Snow might reach far sited Miami?

Rosie Perera with:
Milk and cookies for Santa =
O, kids left a snack in a room.

Rosie Perera with:
The Christmas shopping season =
This month is spare cash sponge.

Rosie Perera with:
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul =
O, sun melts phony parts; how joy falls away

Rosie Perera with:
O Come Let Us Adore Him, Christ the Lord =
The mediocre old carolers mouth this.

Rosie Perera with:
Vegetarian Christmas dinner =
Meat-averse and ring in Christ.

Rosie Perera with:
The carol "Silent Night, Holy Night" =
Hell, inn's tight, go try chain hotel.

Alan Yoshioka with:
The familiar tenor solo in "O Holy Night" =
A real noel... only... too high for him, isn't it?


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
The Christmas Story from Luke, Chapter Two

 

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
On the twelfth day of Christmas

 

3rd - David Bourke with:
"...Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns. Oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say 'No, Hoyt' and talk to him like a dog..."

"Hoyt began moving his lips as if he were trying to suck the ice cream off the top of a cone without using his teeth. She tried to make her lips move in sync with his. The next thing she knew, Hoyt had put his hand sort of under her thigh and hoisted her leg up over his thigh. What was she to do? Was this the point she should say, 'Stop!'? No, she shouldn't put it that way. It would be much cooler to say, 'No, Hoyt,' in an even voice, the way you would talk to a dog that insists on begging at the table..."

"...moan moan moan moan moan..."

=


Throb! Oh, how erotic! Oh, how passionate! Oh, how hot! Oh, tosh! Utter tosh. Three astonishingly pathetic "highlights", thanks to the American author Tom Wolfe's
novel 'I Am Charlotte Simmons', the winner this year of the "Bad Sex In Fiction Awards", (behind it, London's 'The Literary Review'), the purpose of which is: "...to draw the attention to the crude, the tasteless, the often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it".

The New York-based author, then, wins champagne with that joke Oscar-style statuette thingumajiggy, although the bonking laughing-stock shall not receive them, as he has sheepishly declined his invitation to the winners ceremony night this month. "How thoughtless! Now he's the only one ever to do that", said a helpful spokesperson.

(Uh, by the way, that big, long, hard "O"-word, though, just meant "anything that's to do with the ear, the nose and the throat")

 

Tony Crafter with:
SOLICITOR: "Mr Paddy Murphy, you want me to represent you in court tomorrow so you will need cash."
PADDY: "Ah, that's foine sir, but all oi have is an antique watch."
=
SOLICITOR: "Idiot! - Sorry, I mean, Mr Murphy ... well, you could try to raise cash on that. Now, um, in brief; what are you supposed to have stolen?"
PADDY: "An antique watch."

 

Tony Crafter with:
All the young women in Iraq have shaved their pubic hair off and are going on protest. Their placards say: 'Read Our Lips. No More Bush!' =
'Quit! Go! President-creep!' Brave, revolutionary maidens ably parading their weapons of mass seduction for Allah on high. Oh, hurrah!

 

Rosie Perera with:
When I consider how my light is spent

 


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
How The Grinch Stole Christmas!

 

2nd - Allan Morley with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas

 

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Paddy's Song (The Bricklayer's Lament)

 

Tony Crafter with:
A comely young widow named Bransome,
Was ravished three times in a hansom;
When she cried out for more,
A voice from the floor,
Said, "Madam, I'm Simpson, not Samson."

=

"Mamma Mia!" she whined in distress,
"Tho' immoral, I have to confess;
I'm a woman with needs,
So if you can't proceed;
No more wham-bam for you... more or less."

(Rev. Dan G. O'Nads)

 

J.J. Gertler with:
The Gettysburg Address, updated

 

Christopher Sturdy with:
Speak roughly to your little boy
and beat him when he sneezes
he only does it to annoy
because he knows it teases

Lewis Carroll

=

Nanny state say "Spare the rod;
Strike a blow, you'll lose."
You'll rue this when the cheeky sod
became wise, stealing booze.

The Onion

 


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The airport security guard =
Stretch a digit up your rear.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The oldest profession =
Denotes hole's profits.

3rd - Joel Davey with:
Premature ejaculations =
Aaar! Molten juice erupts!

David Bourke with:
The singer Katie Melua =
Eureka! I'm the genitals!

David Bourke with:
Sixteen =
Sex nite.

David Bourke with:
Hidden Springs Nudist Club in Portland, Oregon =
Piled lard, drooping behinds... or cunning stunts?

Tony Crafter with:
A disappointing experience =
Nepotic sex in drainage-pipe.

Tony Crafter with:
'So hurry down the chimney tonight...' =
New method? Christ! You horny thing!

Joe Fathallah with:
Christmas present =
Sphincter's stream.

Rick Rothstein with:
It came upon a midnight clear... =
Hmm! Can depict our genitalia.

Rick Rothstein with:
The only sure things in life are death and taxes =
Hey! A teen-girlfriend that does anal sex, uh, isn't?


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