Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2005
1st - Paul Pan with:
An equal opportunities employer =
I put some inept queer on a payroll!
2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away =
So why not add a papaya, pear, leek, etc. ?
eq.3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A new laptop =
Now at Apple.
eq.3rd - Dean Mayer with:
A game of Russian Roulette =
So am I sure to get an earful?
aussie battler with:
Amidships ~
is dampish.
aussie battler with:
Wines last ~
slantwise.
aussie battler with:
Astounding =
Giant sound.
aussie battler with:
Rude nominations ~
suited a non-minor.
aussie battler with:
Unreachable =
Unreal beach.
David Bourke with:
Dual-personality =
Paul Daniels, Tory.
Larry Brash with:
Impressionable =
Be simple... no airs.
Larry Brash with:
Inappropriateness =
Pansies ain't proper.
Tony Crafter with:
The English countryside =
Delight on such serenity.
Tony Crafter with:
Swivels hips =
Pelvis-swish.
Ellie Dent with:
Money worries =
Misery wore on.
Ellie Dent with:
The railway station =
Rely on a wait at this...
Dan Fortier with:
Geriatrics =
Git care, sir.
Toby Gottfried with:
"I'm stuffed" ~
(if tum's fed).
Adrian Hickford with:
Ordinary seamen =
Mariners, one day...
Meyran Kraus with:
Bothersome date ~
bores me to death.
Meyran Kraus with:
Inebriated person =
Tipsier on a bender.
Meyran Kraus with:
Inebriated person =
Beer inside patron.
Dean Mayer with:
Toy spaniel ~
is only a pet.
Dean Mayer with:
A student nurse ~
attends, unsure.
Dean Mayer with:
Breakdancing =
Back in danger.
Dean Mayer with:
Here's for a nice jug =
Fresh orange juice.
Hans-Peter Reich with:
The maternity hospital =
It has motherly patient.
Rosie Perera with:
Burst open as ~
bean sprouts.
Rosie Perera with:
It's hy-phe-na-ted. =
Dash in the type.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
The countryside ‡
City sound there.
Rick Rothstein with:
Tired of lousy? ~
Do it yourself!
Rick Rothstein with:
The railway station =
Train? Oh, it's way late!
steele with:
Help, I am dead =
Impaled head.
steele with:
I am confusedM=
I am fun codes.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Antagonisms =
Against noms!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Punctuated =
Put cute '&', "and"!
View with:
Arctic expedition =
An exotic iced trip.
dranoel ttoille with:
Chinook =
Coho kin.
1st - David Bourke with:
Wallace and Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit =
Blast the unwelcome big-eared raw carrot thief!
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Two Ronnies =
Two... then one, sir.
eq.2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
The American Symphony Orchestra =
Harmony may shape their concerts.
Tony Crafter with:
Beverly Hills Cop =
Cleverly hip slob.
Ellie Dent with:
Leo Tolstoy: "War and Peace" =
Wordy tale can please, too.
Scott Gardner with:
The actor Cary Elwes =
O "Westley" character!
Meyran Kraus with:
The movie 'Alien' =
I am the evil one.
Meyran Kraus with:
Tim Burton's 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' =
A terrible candy toothache occurs on that film!
Rosie Perera with:
The Forty-Year-Old Virgin =
Over thirty, lady foreign.
Don Rogers with:
Good Morning Starshine =
Modern "Hair" song to sing.
Don Rogers with:
Long Day's Journey into Night =
Join Tyrones' ungodly hating
View with:
Motion picture 'A beautiful mind' =
Delirium but a fine computation.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The trial of president Saddam Hussein =
It sure is hard to defend this man's plea.
2nd - David Bourke with:
Margaret Thatcher is now eighty years old =
Sad geriatric Tory here. (The ghastly woman!)
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
French Connection UK set to drop their slogan =
Honest concern or not, I deplore that FCUK sign.
Larry Brash with:
Hurricane Wilma =
A cruel whim... rain.
Ellie Dent with:
Saddam Hussein, the former Iraqi dictator =
A horrific sadist made to squirm, he ranted.
Ellie Dent with:
Saddam Hussein, the former Iraqi dictator, ~
and a horrific sadist, made to squirm there.
Scott Gardner with:
The Iraqi Constitution =
Nation to critique this.
Linda Garner with:
Hurricane Wilma threatens Florida =
Nature's wrath came in, horrified all.
Toby Gottfried with:
The Trial of Saddam Hussein =
As death itself's around him.
Eric Lancaster with:
Sienna Miller's boyfriend =
Miseries, for I'll bed nanny!
Dean Mayer with:
The trial of Saddam Hussein begins =
Baghdad's testimonies - his funeral.
Rick Rothstein with:
The Civil Rights Pioneer Rosa Parks =
"Grr! I hope I spark historical events!"
Rick Rothstein with:
The trial of former President Saddam Hussein =
So, it made fine plans for this murderer's death.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Bush: God told me to invade Iraq =
odd, bad motive - no equal rights!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Lost Generation =
Gone, silent to earth.
Chris Sturdy with:
Two thousand questions, no answers! =
US sons' deaths not news... Iraq: out now!
View with:
The Islamic Republic of Pakistan =
Brutal shake, panic, misfit police.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
G.W. Bush, the American president =
The man's screwing it up bad here!
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Rosa Parks, Mother of the Civil Rights Movement =
It's her calm move that is provoking the reforms.
eq.3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Adolf Eichmann =
Nice? No, half-mad.
eq.3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Justice Samuel A. Alito =
O, I just emulate Scalia
David Bourke with:
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton =
No thrill to horny American lads.
David Bourke with:
Daniel Wroughton Craig =
Dire actor, now laughing!
Tony Crafter with:
The Grand Duchess Anastasia of Russia =
A dash of sauciness in a tsar's daughter?
Tony Crafter with:
Roman emperor Claudius =
Demonic, amoral usurper.
Ellie Dent with:
The new James Bond: Daniel Wroughton Craig =
Now world can judge: I might be another Sean...
Toby Gottfried with:
Daniel Craig, the new James Bond ~
wanted dear English cinema job.
David A. Green with:
Patricia Daniels Cornwell ~
laid scalpel in wet carrion.
Rick Rothstein with:
Actress Catherine Deneuve =
Nude scenes... creative art, eh?
View with:
Michel Salgado =
He'd claim goals.
View with:
Actor Robin Williams =
Clown or a bit similar.
1st - David Bourke with:
The Medical Research Council =
"Ah, sod the mice, I'll cure cancer!"
2nd - View with:
Greenwich Station =
Whence I got trains
eq.3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
The Hewlett Packard Company =
They make that old PC crap new.
eq.3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Cheltenham Ladies' College =
Gentle academics' hellhole!
aussie battler with:
Angostura =
Not a sugar.
aussie battler with:
Licentiate =
A nice title.
Larry Brash with:
The Australian Countryside =
Ah... our land is rustic, yet neat.
Richard Brodie with:
Australian Therapeutic Goods Administration =
Aid the drug corporations attain unit sale aims.
Scott Gardner with:
The University of Cambridge in East Anglia =
I am given a first-rate education by English.
Scott Gardner with:
The Republic of Iceland =
Can be pitiful cold here.
Scott Gardner with:
Federal Republic of Germany =
Flee crap regime run by Adolf.
Scott Gardner with:
Commonwealth of Australia =
South to warm locale? I'm a fan!
Linda Garner with:
Dow Jones Industrial Average =
Need new advisor: I lost Jaguar.
David A. Green with:
Windsor Safari Park, St. Leonards Hill =
A dark, half-wild lioness roars! Sprint!
Meyran Kraus with:
The towns of Siberia =
There is a bit of snow...
Meyran Kraus with:
The Siberian towns =
Snows a bit in there.
Dean Mayer with:
The Collins English Dictionary ~
ends "illiteracy in school" thing.
Rosie Perera with:
Ziploc(R) food storage bags and containers =
A brand's goal is: "I can protect frozen goods."
Rosie Perera with:
The South Island of Aotearoa (New Zealand) =
Aha! Sail the sea, float to a Down Under zone.
Rick Rothstein with:
The Posse Comitatus Act declaration =
The act set custom, "A soldier ain't a cop!"
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'Beyond Multiple Choice: Evaluating Alternatives to Traditional Testing for Selection' by Milton D. Hakel =
This guide is likely to be:
[ ] A little pedantic
[ ] Darn unconvincing
[ ] A totally tiresome torment
[*] All of the above.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Tony Blair's MG car crashed in a field and a farmer buried him.
"Was he dead?" said the police.
"He said 'no', but you know how he lies." =
When President Bush died, God (from a Celestial Chair) asked, "And who are you?"
"It's Bush!" he bellowed, "an' I'm afraid yo' in ma chair."
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
scha·den·freu·de n.
Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others =
mas·och·ist n.
due unto an odd reverse, he preferred to suffer himself
David Bourke with:
The Libertines and Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty =
An established heroin dabbler. (Bet the syringe's empty!)
David Bourke with:
The President Of The United States Of America, George Walker "Dubya" Bush' =
Degree-less twit! Before Katrina issue, he thought FEMA "...a body part?". Dunce!
David Bourke with:
The Formula One Constructors World Championship title =
Which should come first? Top points to Renault or McLaren?
David Bourke with:
The sinking of the Argentinian cruiser The General Belgrano in the Falklands War =
Thatcher: Her rash, baffling order to kill awakening Latins' genuine intense anger.
David Bourke with:
'Beyond Multiple Choice: Evaluating Alternatives to Traditional Testing for Selection' by Milton D. Hakel =
I'd rated 'A' intelligent option?
Uh, maybe 'B'?
Or 'C'?
'D', statistically?
(I'm not keen on 'E').
'F's out, then!
I'll vacillate over 'G'.
Larry Brash with:
The most serious thing about having a colostomy bag? =
It's a laugh, man! I've got to buy matching shoes or boots.
David A. Green with:
The tightrope walker Charles Blondin (Jean-François Gravelet) =
Oh, can well get the jitters perched on brink over Niagara Falls.
Rosie Perera with:
The Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 bans the military from participating in police-type activity on U.S. soil. =
Yes, optimistic Bush tacitly fancies he can repeal it to import troops to stop city-aiming avian flu.
View with:
Herbert Spencer Time:That which man is always trying to kill, but which ends in killing him. =
In black night,
In white light
Seconds,
Minutes,
Years,
Will pitch in with remarkable rhythm.
1st - Larry Brash with:
After the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent out word that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided to hold the interviews in the belfry.
After hearing several applicants, the bishop decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him and said he wanted to apply for the job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," exclaimed the man. "Observe!"
He began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced that he had found a worthy replacement for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"
=
And the following day, with an unbearable melancholy that weighed heavily on his tender heart due to the unfortunate death of the beloved, but armless, campanologist, the bishop came back up and continued the interviews for the one destined to be the new bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man, who walked up and approached him, said,
"Your Excellency, I'm the brother of the armless chap who fell to a sudden and accidental death from the belfry yesterday. I request and pray that you honour his humble, worthwhile life by allowing me to be appointed for this job."
The bishop was quite moved and agreed to audition him, and, when the armless man's brother had bent over to pick up a small wooden mallet to hit the first bell, he moaned, clutched his chest, fell down and he died on the spot.
A few priests and nuns, all hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy, rushed upstairs to be on hand at his side.
"What has happened? Who is the deceased man?" the first priest pleaded breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but............
HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER!"
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Father, I had sex four times in all with a pair of lovely nymphomaniac twins last night," said the confessor.
"Good grief! what sort of catholic are you?" demanded the priest.
"I'm not a catholic at all," he replied.
"Then why are you telling me this?"
"I'm telling everyone."
=
The new priest called on the village good-time girl Marie McCoy, who was in hospital after a fall from the carnival float at the town's fair.
"I prayed for you last night," he said anxiously.
"My, that is nice," she smiled; "no need though, I'm in the telephone directory!"
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Holy Bible in only Fifty Words
God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.
=
Overheard joke
Poor Adam - bad, mad, sad and blackballed - pondered Eden and
said, "I'm flabbergasted: I do feel, like, sad... rejected.
Heaven's apple did appeal. True, we did rebel.
God, the boss, had made Eve a gentle kind, if perhaps awkward,
doll from an odd rib. Simple. A proper wife's a gift, right?
But, Lord, hello? Why did you make her, like, so stupid?"
God spoke:
"Just so SHE could love YOU!"
David Bourke with:
We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America.
=
In addition, we'll stuff our stomachs full of Oreos...dress our overfed butts in stretch-polyester three-piece "leeesurewear" (diet? I hate thin - I need to eat, often!) ...for directions, if over in London (near Europe) mispronounce it "Lie-cester Square"...say "math" instead of "mathematics" ...stop steel imports...bomb Baghdad...then just not get irony.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Motion Picture Association of America's film rating system:
G: General audiences. All ages admitted.
PG: Parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children.
PG-13: Parents strongly cautioned. Some material may be inappropriate for children under thirteen.
R: Restricted, under seventeen requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.
NC-17: No one seventeen and under admitted.
=
...But here's an attempt at independent rating definitions:
GG: Generation Gap alert. Grandpa might consider ultra-fierce crime and gruesome mutilations a tad redundant.
CG-73: Seventy-three scenes are entirely Computer-Generated.
CIS-11: Up to eleven Commercials are Inserted Subliminally. Audiences must prepare for logos butting in for no reason.
DOOMII: Crappy sequel ahead.
TARD: May contain Adam Sandler.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The complete list of Shakespeare's plays anagrammed into a sonnet.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN / IF I ONLY HAD A HEART
3rd - David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noël Coward [version III]
Rosie Perera with:
Bridge Over Troubled Water
1st - Mike Keith with:
Serpentiform =
Term for penis.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Modern lesbian =
Man's role in bed!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A lesbian relationship =
So, I hear it'll ban a penis!
aussie battler with:
A nude slut ~
undulates.
David Bourke with:
The rock singer Polly Jean Harvey =
Okay, the girl's crap. Love her jenny!
David Bourke with:
In a normal hetero relationship =
O! A thrill! No more pain in the arse!
David Bourke with:
Co-Op Tuna Flakes in Brine =
Labia, foreskin, open cunt.
Larry Brash with:
What is the very hardest part of doing a sex change op? =
Ah, dear! Why, grafting anchovies to the exposed parts!
Tony Crafter with:
Mad monk Rasputin had a thirteen-inch penis =
The thin, Russian ape-man had prominent dick.
Tony Crafter with:
Erotographomania =
I am a photo-groaner.
Paul Pan/David Bourke with:
The Baywatch actress Pamela Denise Anderson =
Want to see her arse and bald snatch? 'Eye scampi!'
Paul Pan with:
A barely legal ~
early-age ball.
Don Rogers with:
Exotic dancers ~
cried, "No sex act!"
Rick Rothstein with:
The trial of Saddam Hussein =
Human dirt... die fast asshole.
View with:
The University of Cambridge =
Beauty for 'midnight service'.