Anagrammy Awards >Nomination Archives> 2006
1st - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Female persons =
Pleasers of men.
2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
Unsolicited commercial emails =
Mad, malicious, electronic slime.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Police cadet =
Delicate cop.
aussie battler with:
Into tapas? ~
Antipasto!
aussie battler with:
Sargassoes =
Grass oases.
David Bourke with:
Style, romantic?
~ Most certainly!
Larry Brash with:
Anabolic steroid ~
can tailor bodies.
Larry Brash with:
Opinionated =
I ain't no dope!
Larry Brash with:
Nicotine replacement patches =
I cope, since treatment can help.
Tony Crafter with:
Dreamcatcher =
Created charm.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Immaculate Conception =
Pathetic cult... I mean, come ON!
Rosie Perera with:
How to determine the viability of a fetus: ~
if he's fit to live at due time, why abort one?
Rosie Perera with:
Vaporizer =
I zap Rover.
Rosie Perera with:
Chesapeake Bay Retrievers ~
are key beach/sea/river pets.
Rosie Perera with:
The boiling water is for ~
brewing lot of Irish tea.
Rosie Perera with:
Dutch elm disease =
See, it's dead. Mulch!
Matjaz Pihler with:
Internet protocols =
Porn-store to client.
rainwalker with:
Keeping kosher ‡
Seeking pork, eh?
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Nicotine Replacement Therapy =
Concept: I help terminate yearn.
Rick Rothstein with:
Medically-induced coma =
Aim? A clouded mind-cycle.
Don Rogers with:
Machinery ~
may enrich.
Don Rogers with:
All Freighted Chinaware ~
Fragile: Handle With Care.
Chris Sturdy with:
A man is innocent until proven guilty =
Tiny unlit prison an eventual coming.
View with:
Tip for ~
profit.
View with:
Crips gang co - founder Stanley Tookie Williams =
'Nice Arnold' going to waste famous spicy killer
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Ang Lee's film 'Brokeback Mountain' ~
about menial farm blokes necking.
2nd - Don Rogers with:
Captain (Admiral) James Tiberius Kirk =
In Star Trek, Jim said, "I lack air! Beam up!"
3rd - View with:
The famous animator Walt Disney =
Sweet author of tiny, mad animals.
David Bourke with:
The American singer Dolly Parton =
Really enhanced, armpits to groin.
Larry Brash with:
"The Producers": A Mel Brooks Musical =
A dumb score? Hilter sure looks camp.
Tony Crafter with:
A seventies tribute band =
It even tried Abba's tunes!
Adrian Hickford with:
The late soul singer, Wilson Pickett =
Woe! (Nat King Cole is still the purest).
Rosie Perera with:
Mozart's opera "The Marriage of Figaro" =
Offer that groom's aria a prize or a gem!
Rick Rothstein with:
A star of stage and screen =
Fans sensed a great actor.
Chris Sturdy with:
Marcos Baghdatis =
'A-Rod', big match ass!
View with:
The Golden Globe awards ceremonial =
Other adorable cinema legends glow.
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The West Virginia coal mine disaster =
It is twelve deaths in a grim scenario.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Oscar nominations unveiled =
Movies' list announced on-air.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Hamas triumphs in Palestinian elections =
Oh man, this result is insane. Panic time, pal!
David Bourke with:
Combatting anti-social behaviour =
Blair aim: "Big Tone" to caution "chavs".
Larry Brash with:
Hamas has won the Palestinian election =
I see that nation shall wish man no peace.
Tony Crafter with:
The Alaskan volcano Augustine has erupted =
Choking ashes and a lava output later ensue.
Rosie Perera with:
The coal mining disaster =
Ah, men lost inside. Tragic.
Rosie Perera with:
Stranded whale dies in rescue attempt: =
Sad, cruelest end in Thames' tepid water.
Rosie Perera with:
Bush Administration's illegal wiretapping =
Well, I hear militant Arab pundits gossiping.
Rosie Perera with:
Oh, Canada...what have you done??!!=
Ha ha! You vote and a cad won, eh?
Rick Rothstein with:
Acting Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert: ~
"Ariel Sharon? Limited, imprecise muttering."
Rick Rothstein with:
Martin Luther King Day =
Thinking "truly a dream".
Rick Rothstein with:
The Palestinian election results =
Tell Israel, "Intent is to shun peace."
Rick Rothstein with:
Enron executives ‡
Executions? Never!
Chris Sturdy with:
Uranium Enrichment Programs =
Men in Iran got much purer arms.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Israeli PM Ariel Sharon =
He's in mortal peril, as I hear.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti =
Is a jailbird madman that disliked USA.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Canada's new Prime Minister, Stephen Harper =
This deep man renews American partnership.
David Bourke with:
The US actress Shelley Winters =
This recluse, she's newly at rest.
David Bourke with:
Simon Henry Ward Hughes =
Gay? Shhh! (Row "undermines").
David Bourke with:
The singer Billy Idol (William Michael Albert Broad) =
Alright, "Idle". I am a terribly shallow blond imbecile!
Larry Brash with:
The Italian composer, Giacomo Puccini =
Ooh... magical! Top in nice operatic music.
Tony Crafter with:
The Emperor Hirohito =
The poor? I'm their hero.
Tony Crafter with:
The politician 'Gorgeous' George Galloway =
Puritanical ogre with sly goal. Ego! Ego! Ego!
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Ehud Olmert =
Method: Rule!
Don Rogers with:
If Anna Kournikova married Kelsey Grammer... =
Make dorky fusion arrive, like "Anna Grammer".
Chris Sturdy with:
Nicholas Andreas "Nick the Greek" Dandolos =
keen on high stakes on cards and a dice roll.
View with:
Actor Louis de Funes =
Fatuous screen-idol.
1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Deem it as an utter fiasco.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Southern Beirut =
Is burnt-out here.
3rd - View with:
South American countries =
He came to tour Incas ruins.
David Bourke with:
The Battered Women's Foundation =
Dreams of new teeth? Ain't no doubt!
David Bourke with:
The World Cup football tournament in Germany =
For glory, Manuel, clap...but don't mention the war!
Larry Brash with:
Neurasthenia =
He is a near-nut.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Abu Ghraib prison =
Arab-probing site, huh?
Rosie Perera with:
The Master Gemologist Appraiser =
So, pro estimates eight-gram pearl.
Rosie Perera with:
The U.S. Paperwork Reduction Act =
O, I cut up & shred a percent at work.
Don Rogers with:
Sprite, Seven-Up... =
Pepsi ventures?
Don Rogers with:
Tourette Syndrome =
Enter; utter "Sodomy."
Rick Rothstein with:
Sundance Film Festival =
Fans claim event's fluid.
Chris Sturdy with:
The Battered Women's Foundation =
We bond on hate for men's attitude.
1st - Scott Gardner with:
Best actress nominees:
1. Dame Judi Dench
2. Reese Witherspoon
3. Felicity Huffman
4. Charlize Theron
5. Keira Knightley
=
1. The erudite Mrs. Henderson
2. Johnny Cash's chick
3. This effeminate guy
4. A lifetime coal worker
5. Pride's Eliza Bennet
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Do tell me", I asked president George W. Bush, "What's your honest opinion of Roe v. Wade?" =
"Sorry, kid", he answered, bemused, "I don't give a shit how people got out of New Orleans!"
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Terror group Hamas wins at the Palestinian elections =
Astonishing news! Israel in complete uproar at threat.
David Bourke with:
Leo Blair, the youngest son of the Prime Minister, Tony Blair, and Cherie. =
His nosy, eyesore mother AND tiring, contemptible father lie in Labour.
David Bourke with:
A Northern Bottlenose Whale (hyperoodon ampullatus) has been sighted in Central London =
Bloody hell! Nonsense...that's Ann Widdecombe au naturel! So repellant! Harpoon her tonight!
David Bourke with:
'Rogue State: A Guide to the World's Only Superpower' by William Blum =
Slow-witted, purely immoral...all about YOU, President George W. Bush!
David Bourke with:
The lead singer of The Pogues, Shane Patrick Lysaght MacGowan =
Inspires heckler...wasn't he the "maggot" and "a cheap lousy faggot"?
Larry Brash with:
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him (Mark Antony) =
My concerned Americans, look, I'm aimin' to fry Osama, not try to return da man. (Your Serene Pres. Bush).
Tony Crafter with:
The young Princes Edward and Richard, 'The Princes in the Tower' =
Deputy regent Richard Third incarcerated his own nephews? No!
Tony Crafter with:
They say that the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral is that there's one less drunk! =
Yet, I hear that a dead Irish lush in NY drank nine Guinness beers when offered them; said, " It was nectar!" … then left!
GOLDFERN with:
"Men will always be mad, and those who think they can cure them are the maddest of all". - Voltaire =
Arouet saw a vital entelechy. Hey, this old Frenchman awed me with bold talk and moral themes.
Rosie Perera with:
FDA announces approval of inhaled insulin for diabetics. =
O! I've danced in full praise, for I can abandon painful shots.
Chris Sturdy with:
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.--- Isaac Asimov
=
The US is evil - a state of hate.
Islam its antithesis.
Rise up; plot force; act!
Osama Bin Laden
1st - Toby Gottfried with:
Six Jewish gentlemen were once playing poker in their condo's rec room, and one of them bet and lost five hundred dollars on a single hand, and died right there at the table. They fell quiet, and, showing respect for their fallen pal, finished that poker hand standing up.
But who was going to tell his wife, Mimi ?They drew straws, and Reuben, always a loser, picked a short one. They told him to be discreet, gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. He said, "Gentlemen! I am the most discreet guy around. Leave the task for me."
So he went on over to the apartment, and knocked at the door.
The wife answered, asking him, "What do you want?"
He said, "Mimi, your husband did just lose $500 at cards."
She screamed, "HE - SHOULD - DROP - DEAD!"
"My fine lady," Reuben calmly replied, "... from your lips ... to God's ears."
=
Back in the 60's, a U.S. Navy ship pulled into a town in Mississippi for shore leave. The Admiral was decidedly surprised to get this request from a wealthy cotton plantation owner:
1st - Mike Keith with:
5 poems
http://members.aol.com/s6sj7gt/aubade.htm
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Oscar Wilde's sonnet 'E Tenebris' is anagrammed into 2 sonnets: one deals with heaven and the other with hell. The 3rd sonnet, which deals with the state of Man, is interwoven - which means it's comprised of the odd-numbered lines of the first anagram and the even-numbered lines of second; however, it ALSO is an anagram of Wilde's original poem.
Enjoy!
Come down, O Christ, and help me! Reach Thy hand,
For I am drowning in a stormier sea
Than Simon on Thy lake of Galilee:
The wine of life is spilt upon the sand,
My heart is as some famine-murdered land
Whence all good things have perished utterly,
And well I know my soul in Hell must lie
If I this night before God's throne should stand.
'He sleeps perchance, or rideth to the chase,
Like Baal, when his prophets howled that name
From morn to noon on Carmel's smitten height.'
Nay, peace, I shall behold, before the night,
The feet of brass, the robe more white than flame,
The wounded hands, the weary human face.
=
What splendid model of our Lord's honed art
Is Heaven, home to holiness and laughter;
Some, homely brethren and the pure of heart,
Toil often with their minds on this hereafter.
How harsh of Him to band some feelings shared
By few ones, while the sinning humans brace
The hollow need, the wrath and the despair -
And know no calm and no eternal grace!
Yes, human folk maintain duality,
But only one who'd master it shall heed
The chimes of angels, preaching piety
And species blooming from the cosmic seed;
These forces whole, in their most primal shape,
Will greet the faithful 'neath the milky cape.
=
Ah, deep within the mammoth core of Hell
Are human souls, their own fate contemplating;
Some - foolish slobs, whipped daily in a cell,
While others - heathens, chiefly bent on hating.
Among these halls roam watchers, who are feared
By holy man and hostile fiend alike:
Enormous hounds and pythons, always near;
All hidden, waiting for the cue to strike.
The mud, the fire and the shouts of men
Forever caught between these elements -
They feed the Tempter, roaring in his den
And demons' hollers, brimming with dissent.
The brink of Hell - this parted, horrid gape -
Shall form a doom which noone can escape.
=
What splendid model of our Lord's honed art
Are human souls, their own fate contemplating;
Some, homely brethren and the pure of heart,
While others - heathens, chiefly bent on hating.
How harsh of Him to band some feelings shared
By holy man and hostile fiend alike:
The hollow need, the wrath and the despair -
All hidden, waiting for the cue to strike.
Yes, human folk maintain duality,
Forever caught between these elements -
The chimes of angels, preaching piety
And demons' hollers, brimming with dissent.
These forces whole, in their most primal shape,
Shall form a doom which noone can escape.
3rd - Larry Brash with:
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
=
Dear Vivian,
I'm sending a private note, in person, in thanks for all the stunning gifts you've given me. I'm, as ever, undeserving.
When you said you planned giving me presents in the manner of the song, "Twelve Days of Christmas", I was delighted. I never ever imagined this was meant in a literal sense. I never appreciated you were giving me all the gifts, each day of Christmas, arriving as mentioned in the song.
Final gift count: A massive three hundred and sixty four presents!
Twelve partridges and twelve pear trees:
Partridges are ground birds and were falling from the fruit trees. Fixing the animals to the branches, strung up using garden ties, seemed distressing to the birds. I'm freeing them.
Twenty two turtle doves:
These avians love visiting the pear trees far more than partridges, except living with twenty two of them is noisy. I'll attempt to endure it.
Thirty French hens:
After having done some research, I discovered that "French Hens" never existed. On further inspection, I found they are normal domestic hens wearing amusing small berets.
Thirty six calling birds:
Despite a fondness for bird calls, the noise level from them is downright unnerving, causing the neighbours to complain.
Forty gold rings:
Averaging a pair for each finger and toe!
Forty two geese a-laying:
I'm unsure of eggs laid, given some grand lords and grand ladies (see under) are eating omelettes.
Forty two swans:
These are large, strong, savage, mean animals (aggressive, too). The pool seems like the best natural living place for them.
Forty milking maids:
Actually, I'm rather glad these teenagers managed to forget their cows, as arranged.
Thirty six dancing ladies:
These dancing ladies didn't look as I'd imagined. Several of them informed me they were Pole dancers and Lap dancers. Confusing! They didn't seem to come from Poland or Lapland, as they are rather scantily clad girls.
Thirty springing lords:
More frigging evasive gang I've never met. I'm not really impressed that all these fine chaps are uncrowned royals, except, for example, a man called Lucan.
Twenty two pipers and twelve drummers:
These Indian gentlemen informed me that they are vets from the Second Highlander Pipes and Drums. Performing "Scotland the Brave" seems to the only tune they knew.
And in return,
True everlasting love,
from,
Rene.
Tony Crafter with:
'HAPPY NEW YEAR'
by ABBA
No more champagne,
And the fireworks are through,
Here we are me and you,
Feeling lost and feeling blue;
It's the end of the party,
And the morning seems so grey,
So unlike yesterday,
Now's the time for us to say ...
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have a vision now and then,
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend,
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have our hopes our will to try,
If we don't we might as well lay down and die,
You and I.
Sometimes I see
How the brave new world arrives,
And I see how it thrives,
In the ashes of our lives;
Oh yes, man is a fool,
And he thinks he'll be okay
Dragging on, feet of clay,
Never knowing he's astray,
Keeps on going anyway ...
(Chorus)
Happy New Year
Happy New Year ...
Seems to me now,
That the dreams we had before
Are all dead, nothing more
Than confetti on the floor;
It's the end of a decade,
In another ten year's time,
Who can say what we'll find,
What lies waiting down the line,
In the end of eighty-nine ...
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have a vision now and then,
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend;
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try,
If we don't we might as well lay down and die,
You and I.
=
ON AN ERA IN DANGER
(A Whingeing-Old-MP Reunion)
No more campaigns,
Now the lying work is through,
Here we are me and you,
Labour red and Tory blue;
It's the end of the Party
Well, at least for you and I;
Now our life has gone by,
Let's at least see eye to eye ...
Happy New Year
Heavy With Fear
May we fulfil one hope, one destiny,
Of a world where preaching hate is history;
Happy New Year
Happy New Fear
May we all have an inner honesty,
If we don't we may as well all be MPs,
You and me.
Oh, how I've prayed,
A new Savior will arrive,
If the world's to survive,
If mankind's to stay alive;
Yet the world's run by fools,
Thinking things are, yeah, ok,
Hand in hand, day by day,
One by one, they lose the way;
No, don't believe a word they say!
(Chorus)
Happy New Year
Happy New Fear ...
Oh, now I see,
Wooden promises we made,
Were a game, a charade,
Winning votes and getting laid;
It's the end of an era,
And the stakes are now much higher,
Heaven knows why man's ire,
Needs to see the world on fire,
What a good thing we retired!
Happy New Year
Heavy With Fear
May we fulfil one hope, one destiny,
Of a world where preaching hate is history;
Happy New Year
Happy New Fear
May we all have an inner honesty,
If we don't we might as well all be MPs,
You and me.
Matjaz Pihler with:
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do some how.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right
It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' walkin’ down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right
So long, honey babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right
=
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe,
If you dont know by now,
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe,
It'll never do somehow,
When your system crashes, on load or boot,
Look out your Window, be in the mood,
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on,
Don't think twice, it's all right.
It aint no use installing the firewall, no,
That moon brick, you never knew,
It aint no use installing the firewall, no,
Hello, me went in through the door,
Wish there was a bit you could save today,
Try and change the admin login, hey,
You never did much tweaking anyway,
But don't think twice, it's all right.
It ain't no use in backing up your data,
Like you never done before,
And it aint no use in saving all your data,
Oh my, it's bad and nearly gone,
I'm a lookin' and mimin', crawlin' down the web,
You once had a database, but it's all wrecked,
You wanted the meek movie, but a worm you did get,
So don't think twice, it's all right.
So long, honey babe,
Where I'm bound, I can't tell,
Immoral's too hard a word babe,
Sorry,no, I'm just an internet mail,
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind,
Hello, you didn't notice me, but I dont mind,
You just kinda terminated your own files,
But dont think twice, it's all right.
1st - aussie battler with:
Fat lords =
Old farts.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Europeans =
One up the arse.
3rd - dupe with:
Anal suppository =
Oral? No. Up ass. Pity.
David Bourke with:
The singer Genevieve Alison-Jane Moyet =
"Legover? I enjoy eating semen...it's heaven!"
David Bourke with:
A faulty condom =
Foamy cunt-load.
David Bourke with:
The Canary Wharf Gay and Lesbian Association =
Criteria: Fancy a shag in East London? Bash away!
Larry Brash with:
A faulty condom =
Only a tad of cum.
Tony Crafter with:
"One up the ass?" =
"Use soap then!"
Tony Crafter with:
The International Gay Rodeo Association =
Yo! Get into an anal coition astride a horse!
Tony Crafter with:
The International Gay Rodeo Association (IGRA) =
Anal coition astride a rotating horse - i.e. Agony!
Dan Fortier with:
Brokeback Mountain =
Bare? OK, mount in back!
Meyran Kraus with:
Condom hole =
Come "on hold"?
Meyran Kraus with:
The Playboy Mansion =
An ample, shiny booty!
Rick Rothstein with:
Isn't having unprotected intercourse like... ~
uncovered penis, girl takes it into her cunt?
Chris Sturdy with:
blokes' clothes =
bollock-sheets
View with:
With close interest =
Whet teen's clitoris.