Complete list of nominations for February, 2006

FEBRUARY 2006 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Anagrammy Archives > 2006

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Danish newspaper cartoon angers the Muslims =
Seems a plain pen is much stronger than a sword...

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Presidents of the USA =
He's far the stupidest one

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Nuclear disarmament =
Lecture Iran's madman.

David Bourke with:
Behead those who insult Islam ~
the somewhat libelous Danish!

David Bourke with:
The historian David John Cawdell Irving =
Jail...and with no Third Reich gas involved!

David Bourke with:
British Gas and Centrica profits =
Brings in rapid riches to fat cats!

Tony Crafter with:
The transplanted face of Miss Isabelle Dinoire =
Able feat? Lots of smiles can't hide inner despair.

Rosie Perera with:
Super Bowl party =
Play + Brew -- Stupor.

Rosie Perera with:
Egyptian ferry sinks in the Red Sea =
Risky ship & fire generate nasty end.

Rosie Perera with:
Dick Cheney shoots man instead of quail =
He soon denies that fiasco damn quickly.

Rosie Perera with:
Saint Valentine's Day, February fourteenth =
An infatuated lover buys finery & ten hearts.

Rosie Perera with:
Civil war erupts in streets of Iraq =
Rivals quite fierce in worst parts.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
vice (noun):
1. Moral depravity or corruption
2. A moral fault or failing
3. A habitual and usually trivial defect or shortcoming.

=

vice president:
1. A common fill-in
2. Valued authority or motivator for a crucial hour
3. An arrogant old US bully firing at a pal.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Vice President of the United States of America, Dick Cheney =
"I shot up a friend's face, neck, chest, etc." (Yet the idiot never aimed!)

3rd - David Bourke with:
The late aviation businessman Sir Frederick Alfred Laker =
Silver-haired saint of landmark bucket-seat airliner fees.

David Bourke with:
The autobiography 'Confessions of an Heiress' by Paris Hilton =
Brainless beauty's nights of fiery passion. (Each portion: "Oh!! Oh!!!")

David Bourke with:
The late aviation businessman Sir Frederick Alfred Laker =
Over-fed, bad ankle, airsickness, heart failure...it's "terminal"!

Tony Crafter with:
Iran's leader is ready to resume his nuclear activities programme =
Tehran's ruler aims to give America and Europe dirty-missile scare?

Don Fortier with:
The Presidential election shall be won by a woman candidate.=
Hillary Clinton, who I see aims to be new, decent and adaptable.

Rosie Perera with:
Danish newspaper publishes unflattering cartoons of Mohammed. =
Profanation of God, eh? Muslims want blasphemers punished. Recant!

Rosie Perera with:
The Pontifical Council for Promoting Christian Unity =
Principle of it is forcing humanity to turn Catholic, no?

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
MacArthur Park (Lyrics and music by Jimmy Webb)

Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants

I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees

There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one.

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
I'll be thinking of you
And wondering why.

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!=

Originally performed by Richard Harris, the weird ballad went to #2 on Billboard in 1968. In 1978, the Donna Summer update reinvented it and it ranked #1; Ever since, the eerie lines have been referred to as 'Worst Lyrics EVER'.
All-in-all I will agree, the awful lyrics indeed have a knack for inferior phrasing. However, I feel like further dwelling on the Wonderful World of Worst Ever Lyrics is needed:

"Only time will tell if we stand the test of time." (The verbal ingenuity of 'Van Halen')

"I'm drinkin' a soy latte \ I get a double shot-e \ It goes right through my body \ And you know I'm satisfied." (Madonna tries to rap)

"It's gettin' hot in here \ So take off all your clothes! \ I am gettin' so hot \ I wanna take my clothes off!" (Nelly's feeble plan works)

"I'm real \ Even on Oprah." (J-Lo fails to fake authenticity)

"He walks up to the closet \ He comes up to the closet \ Now he's at the closet \ Now he's opening the closet." (R. Kelly weaves a fine tale)

"Keep your head still \ I'll be your thrill \ The night will go on \ My little windmill." ('Blink 182' find a rhyming, if a wee bit awkward, nickname for a girlfriend)

"I woke up this morning with a bad hangover \ And my penis was missing again \ This happens all the time \ It's detachable." ('King Missile'. Well, I think we have a winner!)

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Isobel, the daughter of the house, got paralytically drunk on her eighteenth birthday and manservant Jeeves undressed her and put her to bed.
"Thank you Jeeves," said the contrite young lady next morning. "Um ...was I terribly tight?"
"Only the first two times madam," he replied.

=

When a grim Lady Legge fired Jenny, the housemaid, the irreverent girl couldn't resist a final parting shot.
"My Lady, your husband thinks I'm a better housekeeper than you, prettier and better to have decent sex with."
"Oh right, and my husband's told you that?"
"No, Jeeves told me!"

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fall on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out:
"It is an ironic juxtaposition. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog."
=
President Bush lists his leadership skills on his CV:
1. I'm fit as a fiddle, love to go jogging, and could outrun you any day.
2. I have a vacation ranch in Texas. I entertain there.
3. Half our nation elected me.
4. I am a Christian, too. Proof? I tolerate teetotalers.
5. A good negotiator? No, no, no! I win through war - no end!

David Bourke with:
Hail Mary, full of grace,
The Lord is with thee;
Blessed art thou among women,
And blessed be the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
=
Hail Dubya, how high! Full of alcohol abuse!
Destroyer of Freedom,
The 'First Dummy'...an utter moron amongst morons!
How merry was the seed,
The sweet fruit of thy loins, Jenna and Barbara?
- God help the U.S.!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Mike Keith with:
[Below is an anagram of the 98 Scrabble letters into four
5x5 squares. Of course, 98 is less then 100
so two spaces must remain unused - these unfilled spots have
been put in the lower right of the arrangement.
Every one of the 40 horizontal and vertical words can
be found in the current "Tournament Word List" used for
play in North American Scrabble tournaments, which
is in turn based on the current (4th) edition
of the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary.
I also imposed an additional constraint, which was that
the two empty spots could be filled by the two blank
Scrabble tiles to (when assigned the proper letters)
complete the bottom right square so that it has
a full complement of 5-letter words. Making the blanks
E and S turns HON into HONES, CRUD into CRUDE and HYPE
into HYPES.
Below is the anagram in plain text followed by
a picture of an actual board with tiles.
This is the first 4x(5x5) arrangement of the Scrabble
tiles ever constructed.]

AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH
IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q
RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z
=
TOQUE JOWAR
WRUNG AGONE
AGAPE BIFID
TIKIS OVULE
SCENT TELES

MALAR BATCH
OZONE IVORY
TINED MIXUP
IDEAL ASIDE
FERRY HON

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Below is an anagram of this very text, in which renowned men (thirteen overall) are arranged in a rather particular order, as each man's name is entirely comprised of the rear of the name preceding it and the start of the name succeeding it. Our circular chain is currently shown under some hints (the men's short descriptions, number of letters) and a small spoiler space, granting all big brains an opportunity to decipher this riddle - although any person may simply scroll down for the answer.

Enjoy!

=

1. Christian saint (6)
2. French mathematician (8)
3. US thespian ('The Odd Couple') (7)
4. US thespian and film director ('Another Woman') (5)
5. German fantasy writer ('The Neverending Story') (4)
6. US film director ('Cleopatra') (7)
7. US playwright and essayist ('Death of a Salesman') (6)
8. Jewish-Austrian psychologist (5)
9. German conductor (8)
10. English writer and essayist ('Fever Pitch') (6)
11. English poet ('Prometheus') (5)
12. US\Norwegian Antarctic explorer (5)
13. Roman emperor (4)

*
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1. Robert 2. Bertrand 3. Randall 4. Allen 5. Ende 6. DeMille 7. Miller
8. Reich 9. Eichhorn 10. Hornby 11. Byron 12. Ronne 13. Nero.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
O Solitude! if I must with thee dwell,
Let it not be among the jumbled heap
Of murky buildings; climb with me the steep,-
Nature's observatory - whence the dell,
Its flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell,
May seem a span; let me thy vigils keep
'Mongst boughs pavillion'd, where the deer's swift leap
Startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell.
But though I'll gladly trace these scenes with thee,
Yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind,
Whose words are images of thoughts refin'd,
Is my soul's pleasure; and it sure must be
Almost the highest bliss of human-kind,
When to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee.=
Cursed loneliness! She dogs me 'tween the walls
Of the glum cubicle, so dimly lit;
My luck seems fixed, but while I'm in her thrall,
Perhaps some splendid spot would better fit -
A tufted valley with this bubbly stream,
Near gorgeous willow trees that gently sway;
I could hear hooves of mighty elks, that team
On velvet hills to fight the pests away...
No, loneliness in settings so serene
Shan't hurt me - but I'd be bereft of glee;
How prettier those kingdoms would have been
If just one person shared the bliss with me!
Prime wealths, envisaged with much time to spend,
Seem worthless - if they lack a trusty friend.

Tony Crafter with:
SONG FOR THE ASKING
(Lyrics by Paul Simon)

Here is my song for the asking,
Ask me and I will play
So sweetly I'll make you smile.

This is my tune for the taking,
Take it, don't turn away,
I've been waiting all my life.

Thinking it over, I've been sad,
Thinking it over I�d be more than glad
To change my ways for the asking,
Ask me and I will play,
All the love that I hold inside.

=

LADY-KILLER
(Killing by King Henry VIII)

Here is my song to my ladies,
Kath was the lady of Spain,
Anne B gave me syphilis.

Seymour I loved but I lost her,
And frail little Anne of Cleves,
Was an ugly mug, to the men.

Two whining wives lost their heads,
Fittingly Katie, she got too kinky
And kittenish, for my liking,
Catherine was on a par;
All moaned at me - big mistake!

Benjamin Randall with:
OZYMANDIAS

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sand stretch far away.

=

RAMESES

A rover sent from kingdoms old and grand,
He said: "Forsaken sculpture have I known,
Stale, lurid lost void. Vainly there doth stand
Mad, sullen face, cow'd mouldered and fall'n down.
The nasty scowl instates the man's demand.
How talented adz which then tooled the head,
Yet soft! What quiv'ring fears, amazements, stings!
Th'Egyptians fashioned - smart men, born, kilt, dead.
Written on dais, last envoy doth endear:
"Rameses, pharaoh !" hails him, so then sings,
"That work's completed! Halt, meek! Kneel! Beware!"
No ally chaperones the fierce display;
Effigy's lost the ankh, and needs its spare.
The tan dust blows, akin to ocean's spray.

The Anagrammy Awards

FEBRUARY 2006 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY