SEPTEMBER, 2006 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards >Anagrammy Archives > 2006

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The criminal defense attorney =
Man hired to set any client free.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Peace, love and understanding ‡
Danger and upset and violence.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Memorial event =
Relive a moment.

Sir T. Aucscua with:
Stairway to heaven ~
awaits earth envoy.

Sir T. Aucscua with:
Hungry and thirsty? =
Try hunting hydras!

aussie battler with:
Arab style ~
betrayals.

aussie battler with:
Embracing ~
can be grim!

aussie battler with:
Write-up =
"Pure wit!"

David Bourke with:
Eight hours of sleep =
Lie...get up, oh-so-fresh!

David Bourke with:
The office romance =
In chat: "Coffee? Or me?"

David Bourke with:
The gastronome =
Nosh? To me, great!

David Bourke with:
Stopping? No, ~
postponing.

David Bourke with:
Getting one's end away =
"Eggs, Edwina?" - "Na, not yet!"

David Bourke with:
Architects wear ~
Cartier watches.

Larry Brash with:
Multiple Sclerosis =
Cells' impulses riot.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Hitler's master race =
Let's arm racist here.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Nuclear family =
Fully American.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Method on how to drink tequila slammers =
Squirt lime, salt and hook the demon worm.

Andrew Brehaut with:
These damn Arabs =
Mean bastards, eh?

Tony Crafter with:
A desert landscape =
Sand-related space!

Tony Crafter with:
Enrages person =
Response? Anger!

Tony Crafter with:
Medical conditions ~
do dominate clinics!

Ellie Dent with:
Big fat lie =
A legit fib.

Ellie Dent with:
'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' ~
'Moreover,” sniffing, “I have fathered.'

Ellie Dent with:
Finding ‘treasure' =
Gains true friend.

Ellie Dent with:
Mediocre minds ~
consider me dim?

Ellie Dent with:
Men's evil actions ~
mean cost in lives.

Richard Grantham with:
Decoration =
Tie on a cord.

Richard Grantham with:
Complete idiots =
Epitomised "clot".

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
No respite =
Ne'er I stop.

Rosie Perera with:
The death penalty in America =
A needle in each arm? Pity, that.

Rosie Perera with:
The Afghan opium production =
Huge profit and much pain, too.

Rosie Perera with:
Visiting Stockholm, Sweden? =
This Viking town seems cold!

Rosie Perera with:
What should I do with my old computer(s)? =
How much? Too worthless. I'd dump it, lady.

Rosie Perera with:
The regurgitation =
I get urge in throat.

Rosie Perera with:
Dry heaves =
Very sad, eh?

Rosie Perera with:
Ancient relics ~
in neat circles.

Rosie Perera with:
Southern Baptists ‡
Anti-Bush protests.

Rosie Perera with:
Urban assault vehicle =
A staunch, reliable SUV.

Rick Rothstein with:
The hospital's Intensive Care Unit =
Their inclusion saves the patient.

Rick Rothstein with:
Toilets, drains and ~
odd latrine stains.

Rick Rothstein with:
Crustaceans ~
can't scare us.

Christopher Sturdy with:
the illegitimate son ‡
lineage/title's to him.

View with:
'Religion is the opium of the masses' =
Implies enough stories of atheism.

View with:
Espaniol =
Ole, Spain!


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" =
We enter a world which is behind that closet.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Salvador Dali's painting: The Persistence of Memory =
Portrayed nightmare vision of timeless landscape.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Leonardo da Vinci's "The Last Supper" =
Passover dinner hides actual plot.

Sir. T. Aucscua with:
Leonardo da Vinci's "The Last Supper" =
END: Savior, apostles and He - culprit.

David Bourke with:
The American rock singer Pat Benatar =
"Heartbreaker"? Can't sing a note! I'm crap!

Larry Brash with:
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello ~
could do total nutso babble.

Andrew Brehaut with:
CSI: Miami ~
is a mimic.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears =
Oh, sly stranger took the lot - feed, chairs, bed.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious =
I glorified a lexical auspicious script.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Destiny's Child's Beyonce Giselle Knowles =
Chesty sleek ebony idol selling new discs

Tony Crafter with:
Tristan, Isolde =
Torn idealists

Tony Crafter with:
Tom Cruise in top ~
motion pictures.

Tony Crafter with:
Tom, Katie and Suri =
O man, it's true - a kid!

Tony Crafter with:
Disneyland Theme Park Resort , Paris =
Rides enthral kids. Parents pay more!

Richard Grantham with:
The Dr is at ~
the TARDIS.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Immortal Bard, William Shakespeare =
I'm able; I wrote sharp dramas like 'Hamlet'.

Rosie Perera with:
Animal Planet on the Discovery Channel =
Live pandas come in there nonchalantly.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The musical, Sunday in the Park with George =
See G.Seurat - ho hum... like watching paint dry!

View with:
'The weakest link' =
Think, talk... we see.

Alan Yoshioka with:
Ashkenaz: A Festival of New Yiddish Culture =
Aha! A klezfusion event with saucy fiddlers.

Alan Yoshioka with:
The Five Glorious Mysteries =
These very religious motifs.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin Killed By A Stingray =
Dying diver will utter his last, ocean-borne "Crikey!"

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Overheard at school playground: ~
"Ever had any drugs, alcohol or pot?"

3rd - Larry Brash with:
His Holiness Pope Benedict the Sixteenth =
Then this speech exhibited no politeness.

David Bourke with:
The Labour Party's internal political wrangling =
Pulling Tony Blair apart, "traitors" challenge, win.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Not allowed to smack children in Australia =
Sole law claims adult cannot hit kid on rear.

Tony Crafter with:
PM Tony Blair is due to go next year! =
Liar to exit No.Ten by May? God! Super!

Ellie Dent with:
Tony Blair out! Depart! =
Labour Party to end it?

Dan Fortier with:
Cheers for Shuttle Atlantis =
So starts their fleet launch.

Adrian Hickford with:
Thailand's military coup =
Army had political units.

Rosie Perera with:
University enrollment =
Seventy million return.

Rosie Perera with:
Lots of space debris ~
if rods & bolts escape.

Neil Ramsay with:
Bloodless coup in Thailand =
CIA build hopes on lost land ???

Christopher Sturdy with:
The great Ian Woosnam is hot Ryder Cup favourite =
The Europeans get a famous third victory in a row.

View with:
Tony Blair meets Ehud Olmert =
Moslem brutality noted here.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Austrian neurologist, Sigmund Freud =
Genius said a fond mother nurtures guilt.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The cartoonist Matt Groening ~
got attention tracing Homer S.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Australian model Elle 'The Body' Macpherson =
Tall, shapely, blonde cutie. Ah, most men adore her!

David Bourke with:
RodeRick Rothstein Stewart =
Tawdriest rocker.

David Bourke with:
The terrorist Osama bin Muhammad bin 'Awad bin Laden =
"NB: I'm the most wanted horrible Saudi Arabian madman!"

David Bourke with:
Borat Sagdiyev =
A very sad bigot.

Larry Brash with:
The Australian song bird Kylie Minogue =
Grinning hauled out a lie: "My breast is OK."

Andrew Brehaut with:
Captain Feathersword =
Pirate dances to wharf.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Martin Scorsese ~
resists romance.

Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Avon =
Some alpha bloke, and what a versifier!

Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare, the Sweet Swan of Avon =
A fellow has taken pains with awesome verse!

Rick Rothstein with:
Director Martin Scorsese, ~
"I order, trim actor's scenes."

View with:
Marketa Belonoha =
Look at me bare? Nah!

View with:
Whitney Elizabeth Houston ~
is not white, hazel...but honey!


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
Bush administration =
It's bad or it's inhuman.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The Smart Car =
Hamster cart.

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Tamil Tigers of Sri Lanka =
Killing for a state has merit?

Dave Barnett with:
Holsten Pils =
Help Tonsils.

Larry Brash with:
The Democratic Republic of Korea =
Build her atomic rocket for peace?

Tony Crafter with:
American Association of Retired Persons =
So, it actions camaraderie for pensioners?

Tony Crafter with:
Anglican Ministers ~
malign certain sins.

Ellie Dent with:
"Freya Bras and Lingerie" =
Granny briefs are ideal?!

Meyran Kraus with:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa =
Oh, I left Sir Newton agape!

Rosie Perera with:
Washington State Penitentiary, Walla Walla =
A 'tenant' will waste away in that legal prison.

Rosie Perera with:
Mensa International members =
Main element's one smart brain.

Rosie Perera with:
Jehovah's Witnesses =
Those Jews have sins!

Rosie Perera with:
Organisation of Petroleum-Exporting Countries =
Not generous: oil prices outperforming taxation!

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Organisation of Petroleum-Exporting Countries =
No use to arguing. I am not expert.... Not for oil prices!

Rick Rothstein with:
The Shuttle Atlantis =
That nth US satellite.

Rick Rothstein with:
Cartier ‡
Erratic.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A Casio digital watch =
I act as a dial with cog.

View with:
'Skoda' =
OK ads.

View with:
The 'Marlboro' cigarettes ~
or I get most clear breath?


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Pope Benedict's anti-Islam remarks in that speech have angered the Muslim world =
The Vatican spokesman pledged: "I blame it on the speechwriter, Mr. Salman Rushdie!"

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Yearly rant by dad, "Er, is she a sexually active teenager?" =
She is barely sixteen, very cute and already a great lay,

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Historical motion pictures: Ben Hur, El Cid, The Agony And The Ecstasy, The Ten Commandments, Khartoum =
In them, hero Charlton 'Chuck' Heston's cast as a tormented guy in period costume hated by militant men!

David Bourke with:
The Prime Minister, the Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton Blair =
Slimy, inane...in truth, no gentleman. His hero? Hitler, probably...or Thatcher.

Larry Brash with:
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!" =
From my own plain assessment, voting in GWB(sorry sod first is sounding no better a design.

Andrew Brehaut with:
George W Bush: "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test" =
All the congress agree you're idiotic, Dubya. A whole word has letters - the alphabet... A....B....C...

Andrew Brehaut with:
Q: What do you do if a pretty blonde stands and throws a pin at you?
A: RUN LIKE HECK...she's got to have a bloody grenade in her mouth. =
Q: What do you do if a blonde tosses an army grenade through the sky overhead?
A: You pull the pins, throw it back and... detonation!

Ellie Dent with:
"You are not wood, you are not stones; but men." (from William Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar). =
Look: first, perhaps, as Ronnie Wood, I assume we call you a Stone. But you are just merely a man.

Richard Grantham with:
Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds =
Derisive voice of torpid, ogrish fool can attempt to undermine eminent persons.

Rosie Perera with:
Krzysztof Kieslowski's Color Trilogy: Blue, White, and Red =
Three last works by skilful director, so we look. Dizzying!

Rosie Perera with:
The National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine =
I mean, evidently men need a chiropractic treatment all afternoon.

View with:
The Prime Minister, The Right Honourable Anthony Charles Lynton Blair =
Troubles in Great Britain.
He their phony Monarch.
Hellishly rotten man.

View with:
Maria Sharapova claims first women's U.S. Open title here by beating Justine Henin-Hardenne =
Russian nymph's achievement: defeats, jabs a poor Belgian; wins her initial tournament here!


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The World's Shortest Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a girl asked her man "Will you marry me?" The chap said, "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and she went shopping, drank martinis, went clubbing, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed thin and farted just whenever she wanted to.

THE END

=

As a blonde was driving home, her phone suddenly rang. It was her panicky boyfriend, who said he'd heard tell on TV that this maniac in a car was travelling the wrong way up a motorway. "Please take care, Cath!" the man pleaded fervently, and she replied, "It's not just one nut! There's, like, HUNDREDS of them!"

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have': Dennis DiClaudio

Hypochondriacs can now fret appropriately and factually with this pocket guide to forty-five disgusting, horrible diseases. All entries include symptoms, a diagnosis guide, treatment suggestions, a prognosis, and - if you are not yet infected - prevention tips. Because it's ultra-portable, you can (and probably should) have it with you at all times so at the slightest onset of an unmistakably fatal-feeling itchy rash, you can simply whip out your trusty guide, conveniently diagnose yourself, and then let the worrying begin.

=

Oh God, see that waistline: a big, floppy pot-belly! Griping pains, and I find guts churn. Is it gas?

A bloody headache across the eyes: is it a virus?

A dry chest; pins and needles. Curious, that.

I try to get fit on a broccoli diet. Even used a fancy gym recently, but I felt an idiot - everyone laughed.
I did try using liniment on my back the other day.

Whatever's that between my toes? It isn't unusually rough skin, or a particularly big wart, mind... but it is odd, isn't it? Suppose it's an obscure parasite?
Face it, fungous feet are a real pain.

Oh, no! Goodness, look! Surely an odd spot for a polyp?

It's all psychological? Very funny. Where's my phone?

Hello? That you, Doc?

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Hippocratic Oath

I swear by Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfil according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant.

=

Anagrammic Oath

I swear by Brash, David and all sad enough to join this media page that I will comply to the canons of the digital site and I pledge that my sayings will typify shoddiness, contain chuckles, and cause panic and pain.

Tony Crafter with:
"Life was always like this. Just as something nice and interesting occurred, destiny must intervene with some pressing engagement." (Conrad Potter Aiken)

=

Did we suspect singer John Lennon's scavenging a wittier, aged writer's erudite sentiment in his tacky 'Life comes as you're making other plans' statement?


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 104 anagrammed four times

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE TIMELESS WIT OF GROUCHO MARX

"Remember, guys, that we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did."

"I resign. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."

"Once I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know."

"Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

"If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower."

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thoughts, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"A woman's an occasional pleasure, but a cigar's always a smoke."

"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

"Time wounds all heels."

"A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it."

"Go, and never darken my towels again."

"Getting older's no problem. You just have to live long enough."

"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"Anyone who doesn't like this book is healthy."

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."

"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for a divorce, and so will my wife."

"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Are you going to believe me or what you see with your own eyes?"

"Bury me next to a straight man."

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."


=

THE INIMITABLE GENIUS OF PETER KAY

Some good homespun philosophies and jollification from the audacious Bolton comic's vivid imagination. Justifiably named 'Britain's Comedians' Comedian', his monologues comprise homely axioms based on boyhood memories, imaginative observation and life in general.
Come, enjoy a gleaming choice of some of his amusing 'bijoux'!

"You've become your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with."

"Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?"

"You can't respect a man who carries a dog."

"Why does mineral water which has tRick Rothsteinled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?"

"Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll just pull those dangly things and I'll drink whatever comes out'?"

"At the end of every party there is always a girl crying."

"Every man has at some time while taking a pee, flushed half way through then raced against the flush."

"Reading when you're drunk is horrible."

"When rummaging in an overgrown garden, you always come across a bouncy ball."

"Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel really manly."

"You never know where to look while eating a banana."

"Old ladies can eat more than you think."

"Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose."

"Sex is just like a game of bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand."

"You know that look women sometimes get when they want sex? Me neither."

"If someone says there are millions of stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, why do you need to touch it to be sure?"

"We all remember the day a dog ran into our school."

"I've often wanted to drown my troubles but my wife won't go swimming."

"If a person owns a bit of land, do they own it right down to the earth's core?"

"Some days you see lots of individuals on crutches."

"Old ladies with mobile phones look wrong!"

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Yesterday (by The Beatles)

Andrew Brehaut with:
The devil went down to Georgia


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Male sexual dysfunction =
One climaxes unduly fast!

2nd - View with:
A dinner at my expense =
Sex earned, in payment.

3rd - Paul Pan with:
The Young Men's Christian Association =
Homos chance arses in gay institution.

David Bourke with:
I Knew The Bride When She Used To Rock And Roll =
Er...she's no blonde! How I liked her dark, wet cunt!

David Bourke with:
A bulge in the trousers =
Huge boner! It's a result!

David Bourke with:
Partners sleeping in the "spoons" position =
One's penis-point stopping in her arse slot!

David Bourke with:
Straining for a shit =
Farting hot raisins!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The masturbators always ~
trust both ears - slam away.

Tony Crafter with:
Lady of the night =
Do the filthy nag!

Tony Crafter with:
Unnatural sex acts =
A transsexual cunt.

Richard Grantham with:
A pornographic film =
Firm chap in poor gal.

Neil Ramsay with:
E-coli could be present in baby spinach =
Popeye's arse bubbled hot in clinic can.

Don Rogers with:
A Paul Verhoeven film, "Showgirls" =
Her powerful vagina moves hills.

Rick Rothstein with:
A bulge in the pants =
A tuba-length penis.

Rick Rothstein with:
A vibrating dildo ~
did vaginal orbit.

View with:
Estonian =
Onanist, e?


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