FEBRUARY 2008 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2008

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
A Monday morning =
Man in angry mood.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
See no evil;
Hear no evil;
Speak no evil.
=
Rash in love?
Ease in love;
Keep in love!

3rd - Don P. Fortier with:
Irate insects and bugs ~
scare, bite, and sting us.

Adie Pena with:
Columbia's underground economy =
My long-rumored U.S.-bound cocaine.

Tony Crafter with:
Interbreeding =
In bed, in regret.

View with:
Mermaids ~
disarm me.

David Bourke with:
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts =
Free frigging kebabs? To a sewer!

Rosie Perera with:
Schadenfreude =
Sad? Unfed? Cheer!

Larry Brash with:
Prostatic adenocarcinoma =
Is not too rapid a cancer, Mac.

Neil Ramsay with:
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts =
First, a fakers big brown gee-gee.

Don Rogers with:
The nail that sticks out gets hammered down =
To withstand his maltreatment, he goes: "DUCK!"

Andrew Brehaut with:
Our leaders ~
are sure old!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Our leaders ~
adore rules.

Rick Rothstein with:
Inter-planetary space flights =
Trips are, in fact, lengthy leaps.

Bryan Crain with:
Hope is the thing with feathers =
Fear is the thing with hot sheep.

Rosie Perera with:
Imposition of ashes ~
is potion of Messiah.

Rosie Perera with:
Psychiatric evaluation =
Lucrative to a physician.

Larry Brash with:
The generic medications ~
made choice interesting.

Christopher Sturdy with:
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again =
After a second tiny go at it, I'd try crusty fury.

Paul Pan with:
The devil is in the details =
It hides, veiled in stealth.

Tony Crafter with:
Pregnant! ... Aisle? =
A single parent

Adie Pena with:
Will you be my valentine? =
In love, my li'l new beauty?

Neil Ramsay with:
Bush, oil and ore =
dishonourable.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Tolerate President Bush? A mad act! ~
He is a complete and utter bastard!

Rosie Perera with:
Adult incontinence underpants =
Tenant's unclean drip continued.

Dan Fortier with:
General anesthesia =
Inhale, strange ease.

David Bourke with:
Moobs =
Bosom.

Tony Crafter with:
Designated areas of conservation =
A donation saves a receding forest.

Tony Crafter with:
Dangerous dementia =
Maud's degeneration!

Ellie Dent with:
One may preach ~
peace: harmony.

Rosie Perera with:
Operating a vehicle while intoxicated =
Gee, I can't drive with alcohol in pee. Taxi!

David Bourke with:
Amsterdam prostitutes =
A dream tempts tourists.

Neil Ramsay with:
I rent madams ~
in Amsterdam.

Rosie Perera with:
Narrative photography =
Having art portray hope.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Venus de Milo sculpture from Ancient Greece =
Item's got centre place in French Musee du Louvre.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
"No Country for Old Men" wins the best picture award =
Two Coen brothers dwarf opulent cinema industry.

3rd - View with:
Singer Amy Winehouse =
So, yes, I'm a huge winner!

Adie Pena with:
The comedy musical picture "Singin' in the Rain" =
Drenchin' my suit is chic?! I get pneumonia later!

Tony Crafter with:
Disney's 'It's A Small World' =
As tiny dolls draw smiles!

Adie Pena with:
Singer Amy Winehouse dominates Grammy Awards =
My wins soothe me as a warm drug made in a syringe.

Larry Brash with:
Pining for the Fjords! =
Git/nerd rips John off.

David Bourke with:
The supermodel Bar Refaeli =
Hot, pure-bred Israel female.

Paul Pan with:
Venus de Milo ~
mused, in love!

Andrew Brehaut with:
A French Impressionist Painter =
Renoir's the finest in Paris camp.

Adie Pena with:
And the Oscar goes to... ~
...to so second-rate hag!

Tony Crafter with:
The actress Marion Cotillard =
A-List star! Technicolor dream!


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Fidel Castro retires =
Dictator's isle freer?

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Tense politics underlie a ~
US Presidential election.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Singer Amy Winehouse's addiction =
I wasted my genius on heroin acids.

Don P. Fortier with:
Hillary Clinton for President =
Friendly Northern Politicals?

Rosie Perera with:
Rhynochocyon udzungwensis =
Why deny incongruous schnoz?

Adie Pena with:
The Beatles' Across The Universe =
Let It Be's verse echoes thru NASA.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Serbian Elections =
Liberation scenes.

View with:
First suicide bombing in Israel in year =
Fail by securities in Dimona brings ire.

Dan Fortier with:
Favorite in L.A., Obama wins the race ~
if no white voters in Alabama care!

Adie Pena with:
The Clinton campaign =
Got McCain in the plan?

Adie Pena with:
Heiress is Harvard Lampoon's "Woman of the Year" =
Everyone has some sham award for Paris Hilton!

John Fidler with:
The Archbishop of Canterbury =
Further 'Sharia hobby' concept.

Paul Pan with:
Lethal steroids' ~
death toll rises.

Neil Ramsay with:
Doctor Rowan Douglas Williams =
"Islamic laws to go around world."

Adie Pena with:
The Writers Guild of America strike finally ends =
I'm glad; network's failed "Felicity" reruns are shit!

Michael Omstead with:
Happy Valentine's Day! =
Played heavy in pants!

Michael Omstead with:
The seasonal candy-vice lot =
Valentine's Day chocolates.

Adie Pena with:
Hallmark/Westland Meat Packing Company =
Sly ranch plant kept making a 'mad cow' meal.

Tony Crafter with:
Egyptian billionaire Mohamed Al Fayed =
Di? I blame one aged pa in the Royal Family!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Fidel Castro's leadership =
A soldier's shift replaced.

David Bourke with:
National Condom Week =
Naked woman: "Nice tool!"

Rick Rothstein with:
The presidential candidate's ~
radiant speech isn't detailed.

Rosie Perera with:
A U.S. presidential election =
One plain issue tilted race.

Adie Pena with:
Raul Castro, Fidel's younger brother, is ~
I, ruler of history, Cuba's strong leader.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A thirteen-year old Olympian =
Train Tom Daley early in hope.

Adie Pena with:
The exiled Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra =
Thai ex-leader with heart risks imminent pains.

Dharam with:
The Raul Castro Era Begins =
Rehearsal set, but no cigar.

Dharam with:
Obama wins Wisconsin primary poll =
Wiry man pains Bill's Scorpio woman.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The actor Daniel Day-Lewis: ~
"Ideally, I wanted the Oscar!"

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Edmund Percival Hillary =
Advanced merrily uphill!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The former astronaut Neil Alden Armstrong =
Great elder. Lunar star. First man on the moon!

Rosie Perera with:
Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton =
Hardly a Monica; I'd thrill none.

Adie Pena with:
The American poet Thomas Stearns Eliot =
He promotes one theatre animal ... It's "Cats"!

Don Rogers with:
Most Valuable Player Eli Manning =
A "Super" NY Giant, I move ball, all men.

Tony Crafter with:
Singer Michael Bolton =
Chosen all-time boring.

John Fidler with:
Mitt Romney =
I'm Mr. 'Not Yet'.

Adie Pena with:
Roy Scheider =
Cry: "Hero dies!"

View with:
Ron Leavitt =
Er...not vital.

John Fidler with:
Lord Lucan ‡
Call round!

David Bourke with:
Patti Solis Doyle =
Top disloyalties.

David Bourke with:
The soul singer Aretha Louise Franklin =
"As I resent hunger, I eat, haul roll of skin."

Adie Pena with:
Bar Refaeli ‡
Arab relief!

Rosie Perera with:
Egyptian Billionaire Mohamed Al Fayed =
Ah, I'm a real nag. I feel my boy died in a plot.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Fidel Castro's ~
older Fascist.

Rosie Perera with:
Ral Modesto Castro Ruz =
Crazed tortuous morals.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
France's Arc de Triomphe =
Charmed centre of Paris.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Venus de Milo =
Nudes, I love them.

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Transcendental Meditation =
Man radiated silent content.

Adie Pena with:
Disneyland: "The Happiest Place on Earth" =
I spent a day in her cheap hotel... and slept!

Ten-Wide Jong Li with:
Global Positioning System ‡
I am lost by pointless going.

Tony Crafter with:
Timotei Shampoo =
I'm a top smoothie!

Rosie Perera with:
The Super Bowl Sunday =
Bud-strewn playhouse.

Larry Brash with:
Usenet group alt.anagrams ‡
Most gargantuan pleasure!

Paul Pan with:
The World's Oldest Profession =
Whores, Priests, Felons? Odd lot!

Ellie Dent with:
Holocaust Memorial Day: January the Twenty-Seventh =
Oh, thus many a Jew, everyone, must recall it on that day.

Rosie Perera with:
Free North Korea Radio =
Heretofore dark on air.

Rosie Perera with:
The Great Depression =
Hope ends at register.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors =
One-and-only deal: Collect dead one, stuff it in hearse, and inter it. RIP.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Why is it that our children cannot read the Bible in schools, but they can in a prison? =
The ethnic child can rebut it as delusory, while a British-born con hasn't any option!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
I know the boiling point of water's exactly two hundred and twelve degrees Fahrenheit, and yet ~
nowadays, we, the enlightened, vastly prefer a flow textbook with one hundred Centigrade in it.

Adie Pena with:
The abstract expressionist painter Willem de Kooning =
Women splattered in big strokes in his exceptional art.

Neil Ramsay with:
Mos Eisley spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious =
Westminster, London. You could rarely see such a futile symposium of captive vice and evil whim. Beware!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Liverpudlians Lennon, McCartney, Harrison and Starr =
Northern minstrel lads can play radio runs in 'The Cavern'.

Rosie Perera with:
Barack Obama's campaign slogan: "Change We Can Believe In" =
Me? Back a long war a maniac began? (He gasps.) Inconceivable!

Bryan Crain with:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife" =
Austen begins her famous volume with spiffy, sensational sentencing, winking at a world of lad-to-duo tea-ratios.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Serbian Prime Minister Vojislav Kostunica has condemned the ~
Kosovan parliament and rejects them in their subdivision scheme.

Rosie Perera with:
"I view it as a transitory period to new technologies that will change the way we live." -- George Bush =
We hear GW hasn't got a noteworthy vocabulary. He is illiterate. Deceiving, too -- with sweeping lies.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The funny little groundhog
Digs a home in the fall,
And hides there all winter
Rolled up in a ball.
On February second
He comes out of there
To look at the sky
And to sniff the air.

=

Dear Old Man Winter,

Time is nigh likely to ease your harsh hold
On this one little plug of turf
And assign the unbearable and lonely cold
To the other end of the Earth.

Fuck off!

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
I don't like to suffer
harsh elements too long
I bet when spring defeats them all,
I'll break out into song.
In life and death you can hear unfold
your healthy hatred for the cold.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The end of old Winter means a holy beginning,
The color of youth and the hue of Spring.
Like a foolish, lustful breath on a fresh start;
Ended to ultimately rekindle a cold heart.

Rosie Perera with:
Head out unbonneted, eh, tot?

Snow and ice melting,
The chilly air is fleeting.
Spring soon, thankfully.

Half-hearted flakes fell.
Run barefooted, Mother Earth!
Holiday outdoors!

Don P. Fortier with:
That funny Bill Murray role
(Tad like Scrooge, hello?)
Time went on and on,
Infinitely so.

Real Phil got trod out,
(Hell! Hated feted stuff!)
Thanks he had for HERE,
As ONCE is bad enough!

Don P. Fortier with:
(Something about the end of winter):
"Dude, like, air isn't as cold!
You can go rollerblading til ten, helmet off,
feel your hands and feet!
Look, a tart finally put on her shorts! (heh heh!)

Bryan Crain with:
The frost unfolds to heat
As children try to eat
The final falling flake.
The idle bears awake,
Emit a neon sound.
Rebirth upon the ground,
No more hellish cold.
Hey! Unity of gold!

Don Rogers with:
Hear our healthiest, helmeted men
Huddle and scuffle throatily. The gen-
Uinely too-long Super Bowl:
Kickoff of the "no-football"
Hard season. An in-
Teresting tradition?

Hardly!

Neil Ramsay with:
Ah, I liked heat!

Santa's been and gone.
Children's youthful hearts fulfilled.
They nearly look thrilled!

Fatigued snowmen melt.
The tough carrot too, proof of
Hibernations end.

Tony Crafter with:
OH, THE ANNUAL COLD AND GLOOM!

Most folk feel rough by Winter's end,
They are thankful Spring's around the bend.
A trillion flies all hate it too;
Henceforth, they die afore it's due!

Paul Pan with:
A polar bear's tenth identity crisis unfolded:

"Who am I then, son? A turtle-geek ? Neuter-ferret? Hog? Hen? Half-Koala? Oh hell, I detest this foul bloody cold and long for the fun in May!"

witch wyzwurd with:
I hate snow:
It holds cold,
Numb my adult toe.

He like the heat,
Lay on the feet;
Red as round beet.

Earth's Spring nice,
I fear the Fall;
The sun for all!

Frigid gray,
Hold no look,
No, not fun.

Adrian Hickford with:
Rotten old Winter ends - Cheerio!
March and April, aloof, emerge shuffling,
Dehibernation. So I look thankfully ahead,
To the blissfully lengthened, hot days,
The future tan, too!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Oh, yellow daffodils emerging,
Fluted bonnets fanning,
Rooted firmly underground
On hilltops all around.

Oh, youthful shoots hairlike,
Ascend the heath at daybreak
Nigh to Thee...
(Etcetera)

Dan Fortier with:
Anagrams by Rosie P.
likely don't do worst.
Faithful crafter Tony -
often he'll take first;
O, Dan he's not enlightened -
should he enough rate?
(Here it'll find a Nom...!
Uh-oh: could I be late ??!)



THE LONG CATEGORY

Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
Paddy O'Reilly boarded the train and found himself sharing a compartment with a snobbish-looking Englishman and his pugnacious little dog.

"Hey, what koind of pet moight ye have there, sir?" he asked, in a polite attempt at conversation.

"This? It's a cross between an orang-utan and an Irishman," was the testy reply.

"Bejesus! You mean it's related to the both of us?" said Paddy.

=

An old drunk got on a train, sat beside a priest, and began reading the paper.

After a bit, he looked up and said, "Father, what causes arthritis?"

This was just the chance opening the priest wanted. "I'll tell you, my man! It's caused by immoral living, by demon drink and by too many sins of the flesh! So ... how long have you had it?"

"Oh no, it's not me," said the man. "It says here the Pope's got it."


Eq1st - Don Rogers with:
An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees do I see before me!", he thought. "What noble icy rivers do I survey! Such beautiful animals come before my eye!"

He proceeded along the river. As he did, he noted a rustling in among some nearby bushes. Turning to look, he was vexed to see a seven-foot bear on the attack, charging exactly toward him.

Did I say vexed? Of course he immediately ran, panickingly, as rapidly as he could, up the tortuous path. Looking backward, he saw the bear as it closed in on him. His heart beat frantically, he tried to run even faster, and at once he tripped and fell onto the rocky ground. As he crawled over to pick himself up, he saw the bear raising a thick paw to swipe at him.

Then the atheist cried out despairingly, "Oh my God!"

Time stopped.

The bear froze its motion in mid-swipe.

The forest was suddenly, utterly silent. ~

Then a very bright light shone on the man, and a Voice from the sky said, "Here, trespassing, you denied awareness of My very existence all these years -- taught children I don't exist -- amazingly, credited creation itself to a cosmic accident. I ask, do you now expect Me to just help you wriggle out of this predicament? Am I supposed to count you as a believer, as a worshipper even?"

Strengthening somewhat, the paling atheist looked forward, straight into the bright light, and remarked, "I see it would be hypocritical of me to ask You to treat me as a Christian now. But perhaps," he bargained feebly, "could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Ahhh... Indeed. Very well," answered the Voice.

The light went out, and the sounds of the park resumed.

The bear lowered his paw, bowed his head, and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food I am about to receive, for which I am truly thankful. Amen."

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
A mouse dies and goes to heaven. After a few days, he approaches St. Peter and says "Wow, I love this place, but it's so big! Our little legs make it hard to get around here." Peter says, "Hmm. Very well then" and gives him and all the mice roller skates.
=
Some time later a dark old starved cat dies and goes to heaven. After a few days there, St. Peter asks him subtly, "How are things going, eh?" Undaunted, he marvels, "This sweet hospitable place -- I love it! Especially your meals-on-wheels program!"

Adie Pena with:
THE SECOND TIME AROUND

Love is lovelier, the second time around
Just as wonderful, with both feet on the ground
It's that second time you hear your love song sung
Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young

Love's more comfortable the second time you fall
Like a friendly home the second time you call
Who can say, what brought us to this miracle we've found

There are those who'd bet
Love comes but once - and yet
I'm oh so glad we met
The second time around.
=
Who actually believes this romantic crap?

Seriously though, after you've known that she ...

- Likes toilet humour (Unwholesome, eh?)
- Can't communicate without using her boobs (Whore!)
- Lives on 'Welfare' (How malcontent!)
- Vehemently loves to fight (Neurotic!)
- Sees UFOs every week (Demented!)
- Thinks 'cottonmouths' are stuffed toys (The dumdum!)
- Had a lobotomy (Enlightenment!)
- Needs to eat garlic (Odd, eh?)
- Maladjustedly practices voodoo (Hoodoo?!)
- Snores in bed ("The Yodeler")

... you'd date her again?!

Paul Pan with:
Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin," the Beatles' "Here Comes the Sun," Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" and Neil Young's "Old Man"
=
Eminent boyish hymns were playing and shook the woefully deceased Heath Ledger's nether ashes on a bonny musical tribute!

David Bourke with:

A little girl gets separated from her mother in the
Dagenham branch of Sainsburys, and started crying her
eyes out, walking up and down the aisles. Eventually,
a security guard finds her, lost, over between the
delicatessen and bakery counters. He takes the girl by
the hand, and says to her reassuringly, "Don't you panic
love, we shall find your mummy for you in next to no time,
I promise. So...what's she like?".

The little girl thinks for a second, and replies:
"Big cocks and Bacardi Breezers".

=

Tracey decided to go to the Romford branch of Ann Summers
to get herself a vibrator, and shyly asked an assistant
what they had in stock.

The assistant replied "Well, you can pick from our ranges
on the wall, right over by there, on the end. Many kinds,
and sizes, any colour you like. Rubber, plastic, luminous
...double-ended...Swedish...French...".

"Well I never!", Tracey says, her eyes bulging, "Yes! I'll
take that big red one, please!"

The assistant replied, grinning, "Er, that's our fire
extinguisher, madam!"


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Lady of Shalott


2nd - Tony Crafter with:
20 PERKS OF BEING OVER 60 YEARS OLD.

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. Nobody expects you to run - anywhere.

4. People call you at 9.00pm and ask, "Oh ... did I wake you?"

5. You are no longer viewed as a chronic hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left for you to learn the hard way any more.

7. You know that things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat your supper at four o'clock in the afternoon.

9. You can live without sex (although you can't live without your glasses).

10. You get into very heated arguments over pension plans.

11. You no longer think of every speed limit as a deadly challenge.

12. You now quit trying to hold your stomach in, regardless of who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyesight won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are usually more accurate meteorologists than the weather forecast.

17. Your secrets are now safe with your friends because they don't remember any of them either.

18. Your diminishing supply of brain cells have finally come down to a manageable number (3).

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. Or which folks you sent it to, so do prepare to be told a few times, that you would have sent this out before.

=

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave keys.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 19 phone numbers to reach members of your family of 3 people.

4 You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for never keeping in touch with friends and family is that they haven't got e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own drive and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Nearly every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, (which you were quite happy not to have the first 10, 20 or more years of your life), is now a cause for major panic and stress. You turn back to get it.

10. You get up in the mornings and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing!

13. Even worse, bet you know exactly to whom you're going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there's no number 9 on this list.

15. Bet you actually scrolled back up to check that there really wasn't a number 9 on this list!

16. AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING - at yourself!

17. Go on, forward this to some unfortunate pals. You blatantly know you want to!


3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Circle of Life


Adie Pena with:
Heart, We Will Forget Him


Bryan Crain with:
Hound Dog


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
A lack of preparation =
A fool.. a prick.. a parent

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A raving poof =
Vagina-proof!

3rd - View with:
National Condom Week =
Come and know elation!

Bryan Crain with:
What is the meaning of life? =
Finishing a hot, wet female.

Adie Pena with:
fleshlight.co.uk =
Fuck slight hole!

Paul Pan with:
Feta cheese
He ate feces!

David Bourke with:
Bend for him ~
from behind.

David Bourke with:
Donated organs =
Not gonads, dear!

David Bourke with:
The singer Michael Jackson, and Deborah Jeanne Rowe =
Renowned bleached jerk: "No shag...I came in a jar, honest!"

filbert with:
Soaking wet pussy =
Spunk goes its way!

Tony Crafter with:
Am interbreeding =
Entering bride ... Ma!

Adie Pena with:
Red light district =
It did stretch girl.


The Anagrammy Awards