JULY 2008 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2008

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Macro lens =
Closer, man!

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Actors and actresses =
Consecrated as stars.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Rat bites in arms =
Transmit rabies.

Chris Chatfield with:
Hydrocortisone =
I soothe dry corn

Adie Pena with:
A state of emergency =
To face my teenagers!

Rosie Perera with:
A television show =
View this one also.

Christopher Sturdy with:
advise no coffee, re: ~
caffeine overdose

Neil Ramsay with:
A military strategist ~
targets stray militia.

Adie Pena with:
Sons and daughters ~
had strange sounds!

Rosie Perera with:
Celebrity gossip =
Eclipse big story.

Ellie Dent with:
"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" =
US plan to be free: finished happily, I trust...

Rosie Perera with:
Gastronomical =
Almost organic.

Tony Crafter with:
A Hot Dog Eating Contest =
Not teaching good taste!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Run that load, mate ~
at the laundromat.

Adie Pena with:
Gastronomist =
Tasting rooms.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Supermodel =
Seldom pure.

Adie Pena with:
Tequila =
Equal it!

Adie Pena with:
Proofread that huge ~
faute d'orthographe!

Adie Pena with:
Ivrogne =
Over gin?

Rosie Perera with:
Biodiesel =
Beside oil.

Adie Pena with:
Emotional scenes ~
meant one is close.

View with:
Earth's forests =
Stash for trees.

Meyran Kraus with:
The emotional scenes =
No males notice these.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Tired and emotional =
Too drained, I lament.

View with:
Save the rainforests! =
O, trees vanish faster!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Wide angle camera lens =
Can see image darn well.

Adie Pena with:
Secondhand smoke inhalation =
Alas! And men do choke in this, no?

Andrew Brehaut with:
Undesirable =
Rude lesbian

Tony Crafter with:
Frogs deal in ~
dragonflies!

View with:
A praised ~
paradise

Ellie Dent with:
Young parent =
Pregnant?? You?!!

Rick Rothstein with:
The conjugal visitation =
Got coitus in the jail van.

Rosie Perera with:
Oh, we rant on, as if in ~
"a nation of whiners."

David Bourke with:
Caught-out in a honeytrap =
Routine, to a naughty chap!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Potential suicide ~
Social ineptitude

David Bourke with:
Flying boat ~
floating by

Dharam Khalsa with:
Second mortgage =
God's grace to men?

Chris Chatfield with:
Soiled pants? =
Stop denials!

Adie Pena with:
"Peace on Earth and Goodwill to Men." ‡
To negate hope in a cold, mean world.

Adie Pena with:
Plagiarism detection =
Similar page not cited.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday =
Sunday: A day of hymns, duty due, rest as reward - a tidy day.

Rosie Perera with:
No news is good news =
Widows go: "Nonsense!"

Tony Crafter with:
Waste disposer =
Power-assisted

Christopher Sturdy with:
A tragedy ‡
Great day.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
John Keats 'Ode On A Grecian Urn' ~
hooks reader on an ancient jug!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's 'Sunrise' =
Created luminousness.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The novel "Treasure Island" =
One sea adventure thrills!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Pirated movies =
I tamper videos.

Adie Pena with:
The composer and pianist Camille Saint-Saens =
And I listen to chap's masterpieces on "Animals."

David A. Green with:
Richard Adams's 'Tales from Watership Down' =
Crowd of animals started Hampshire-wards.

Adie Pena with:
Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" =
Older but deserving friends work on a great album.

Paul Pan with:
Édith Piaf =
Taped, hi-fi.

Adie Pena with:
The songwriter Bruce Springsteen a.k.a. "The Boss" =
"Born in the U.S.A." was the rocker's biggest present.

Scott Gardner with:
Leonard Bernstein, "West Side Story" =
Tony deletes Bernardo, wins sister

Chris Chatfield with:
There's no-one quite like grandma =
A methadone-requiring skeleton

Rosie Perera with:
The Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood enters rehab =
No wine nor beer in there, loath old songster!

Adie Pena with:
Philip Nitschke's “The Peaceful Pill Handbook" =
Publish the hip and cheap pick to kill oneself.

Adie Pena with:
Television, cinema and stage star Estelle Getty =
Teeny "Golden Girl" mate vacates set; lies in state.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas ~
reveals gross pelvis animation.

Meyran Kraus with:
The US drama 'Numbers' =
Use math, ban murders!

Tony Crafter with:
Hint: Drab, lean, inspires many a geriatric woman! =
The American singer and pianist Barry Manilow.

David Bourke with:
The singer and guitarist Eric Clapton =
A constipated geriatric English runt.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
American Independence Day =
Many earned a needed picnic

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The administration of George W. Bush =
No other ideas but "fighting some war"...

Eq3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Blasphemies of ~
female bishops.

Eq3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Those Iranian missiles =
Israeli's name is on this

Adie Pena with:
A critical fire burns along ~
Big Sur, Central California.

David Bourke with:
Hussam Tarysir Dwayat =
Dirty as swarthy Usama.

Adie Pena with:
Oh, cool! Fair Betancourt easily removed from ~
the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia.

View with:
California braces for new heat wave =
Towns aware variable of chance fire.

Adie Pena with:
Bush est stupide! =
The U.S.'s debt is up!

Rosie Perera with:
Indian city pays residents to use toilet =
Its edict? Yes, it's: "Urinate and poo in style!"

Andrew Brehaut with:
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness ‡
Years of the pitiful, plain President Bush

Rosie Perera with:
Ingrid Betancourt =
Can't I do big return!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ingrid Betancourt =
Turn into cage-bird

Dharam Khalsa with:
French head will attend Olympics =
Child's calm reply, "And with no feet?"

Andrew Brehaut with:
A long range missile test =
Iran still no get message!

Adie Pena with:
Illness from tomatoes -- and now jalapenos! =
Men pass on raw food; jettison salmonella.

Rosie Perera with:
Wine dress? =
Weirdness!

Rosie Perera with:
"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter" =
Droll GWB told somber G-eight peers to "F you!"

View with:
America Gets to Know Obama =
Barack was enigma to me too!

David Bourke with:
The Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood =
He's rooting Russian teen. (Toilworn old git!)

Adie Pena with:
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac =
Finance me ... and fear I'm dead!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Budweiser =
We rue bids.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Fannie, Freddy, and Budweiser ~
are aided by new fund friends.

Rosie Perera with:
Farewell to Yankee Stadium =
We dismantle you after leak.

Rosie Perera with:
Zimbabwe introduces $100 billion banknotes =
Economist, a bit brazen: "Below blinkin' $1.00 USD!"

View with:
Andrea Curry-Demus =
Murder. Crude as any.

View with:
Serb leader Radovan Karadzic =
Nazi reveals a bad, dark record.

Adie Pena with:
A 'doctor fish' pedicure =
Carp: "Hi! I scour odd feet!"

View with:
Obama in London for talks with British leaders =
Has talked to foolish Minister Brown and Blair

Ellie Dent with:
The author Beatrix Potter's birthday =
'Peter Rabbit' text is hot today... Hurrah!

Tony Crafter with:
Margaret Thatcher: A state funeral is proposed =
As plan for her death, premise attracts outrage!

Adie Pena with:
Facebook suspends the Scrabulous program =
Hasbro padlocks fun; sues computer-age bros.

Adie Pena with:
The North Korean food crisis =
Shock is for I don't eat, nor her!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Lead singer Kurt D. Cobain =
Rocker died in a gun blast.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The tennis player Rafael Nadal =
A really neat Spain left-hander!

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Italian Renaissance painter Michelangelo =
Ornamental ceiling area in a Sistine Chapel

Adie Pena with:
President Robert Mugabe =
Ruing Bob's repeated term.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Dolly Parton's ample chest =
Pretty damn colossal. Help!!

Adie Pena with:
The U.S. President George Washington =
Per grant, gets design on White House.

Adie Pena with:
The explorer and cartographer Amerigo Vespucci =
Geographic expert reports land curve, "Oh, America!"

Adie Pena with:
Rosa Louise McCauley Parks =
All spoke your cause: Racism!

View with:
Tony Snow =
Now stony.

Adie Pena with:
Barack Hussein Obama ~
a.k.a. "No Bush b.s., America!"

Tony Crafter with:
Giacomo Girolamo Casanova de Seingalt =
I am cast as an amoral Venice gigolo? Good!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The animal psychic, Sonya Fitzpatrick =
Python is in fact crazy? Ha! I'm skeptical!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan =
I will escort a German Shepherd

Ellie Dent with:
The South African Nelson Mandela =
It's an old, an honest, a cheerful man!

Wayne Baisley with:
Midas =
I'm sad.

Adie Pena with:
Christian Morgan Bale =
I snag rich "Batman" role

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Victoria Derbyshire =
Diarrheic verbosity.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
DC's prime ancient =
President McCain

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Man is a top breed =
President Obama

View with:
President Obama ‡
A bad Time person.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
The National Candida Society =
A client had a yeast condition.

2nd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Gravitational Lens =
Stellar navigation.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Canon EOS Digital Camera =
And isn't each image clear, too!

Adie Pena with:
a Burger King =
big, rare gunk!

David Bourke with:
The Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia =
Commy fools relieved of Betancourt..."Ha!", I roar!

Adie Pena with:
Tequila? =
Qualité!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Sigma lens =
Glass in me.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A Sigma Autofocus Telephoto Lens =
Use to get a hot close-up of animals.

Rosie Perera with:
IndyMac ‡
Dynamic

Adie Pena with:
Mugs Away Saloon, Laguna Niguel, California ~
i.e., fun gang mooning a local railway as usual!

Tony Crafter with:
Greek mythology's Cerberus, The Hound of Hades =
A huge dog-monster's KO'd by hefty hero Hercules!

Rosie Perera with:
The Beverly Hills Rent-a-Car company =
Rich men all crave Bentley as trophy.

David Bourke with:
Centre Helio-Marin Rene Oltra =
Alert! Erection normal in here!

Rosie Perera with:
Hurricane Dolly slams Texas =
Six-day storm, unclear as hell.

Adie Pena with:
No poor second, Cuil ~
is pronounced 'cool.'

Meyran Kraus with:
The Hindenburg airship =
I'd aspire high...then burn

Meyran Kraus with:
Middle East countries =
Oil determined US acts.

Dharam Khalsa with:
San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge =
Great balanced design of crossing


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Democrat Senator Barack H. Obama versus the Republican Senator John McCain =
So the American voters must hand a Bush job to a black charmer or an ancient creep.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI celebrates Mass in Australia =
His plan is: praise, console, and liberate the sex abuse victims.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The woman told her husband, "I'm like a fine wine or cheddar cheese...I'll get better with age."
=
He thought, deliberated the marriage, locked his wife down in the basement wine cellar.

Tony Crafter with:

“Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.”

=

Life is nature! Nature's soul!
Vital; restless; passing;
And if its wonder thee forget,
Look out the door at that sunset!

Adie Pena with:
To earn a "Full House," I should devote my best work into each anagram I create. ~
But whose mean, irate ass do I carefully have to lick around here to get a nom? ;-)

Adie Pena with:
Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers =
In lieu of movie roles, actors pin up contract deadline!

View with:
Israel Re-Opens Commercial Border Crossing With Gaza =
Zion, once more, deals with Arabs. Progress? A grim circle.

Rosie Perera with:
Former South African President Nelson Mandela is to be removed from U.S. terrorism watch lists =
I'm for redress, for this most famous clever old man is no arms threat. I'd trust Nobel Peace winner!

Adie Pena with:
Starbucks announces store closures and more lay-offs =
A sorry end: Cuts an enormous loss as coffee turns black.

Adie Pena with:
The International Federation of Competitive Eating =
Inept, I can't eat an entire hot dog. A fine relief to vomit!

Adie Pena with:
"There, I guess King George will be able to read that." - John Hancock, after signing the Declaration of Independence*

=

"A congenital thickhead in need, George Bush's intelligence failed at peace." - Gordon Brown, after hosting the jerk


Rosie Perera with:
THIS IS NOT A JOKE - CONGRATULATIONS YOU WON! You are the 4,405,164,898th visitor to see this lucky banner. Click here to claim.
=
Ha, ha! You jerk, you are so gullible! You think, "Attractive income...$98,864,144.50...a check is written!" Not close! In short: "It's not so!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
> The date of the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic Games > =
> Eight Eight Eight > Some plan if many enjoyed one perfect combo.

Rosie Perera with:
If John McCain is elected, he would be the oldest person inaugurated to a first term as President of the United States.=
He's just a sweet, decrepit old fart, I fear. This patient should be on medication, fed, entrusted to a select nursing home.

David Bourke with:
The eighty-year-old stripper Tempest Storm (Annie Blanche Banks) =
A crappy blonde moment: Her genitals "past-it", her tits by her knees!

Rosie Perera with:
The U.S. Army plans to shoot live pigs for medical training =
PETA vigorously incensed that firing troops shall maim.

Andrew Brehaut with:
I wonder if you party guys and girls have heard the funny one about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
=

Unclear ninny stayed up various icy Friday nights wondering about the sham existence of a holy dog.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Twelve months in the year: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December=
Spring: mother and baby love
Summer: enjoy my jam, barbecue
Autumn: tree harvest - hurry!
Winter: celebrate joyful peace

Dharam Khalsa with:
Popular Obama slogan pitched on stump, "Change We Can Believe In" =
McCain's people laugh, "We'd put a ban on operable voting machines!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
The blue-throated hummingbird migration begins with ~
double-time whirring at midnight in the bergamot bush.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
As a courtesy to the next customer, may we suggest that you use your towel to wipe off the wash basin. Thank you.
=
To that fat guy by the exit: We must ask you not to use the WCs, as your unwelcome arse is way too huge for the pans!

2nd - Larry Brash with:
As a courtesy to the next customer, may we suggest that you use your towel to wipe off the wash basin. Thank you. =
Next, we want you to wipe the bowl that you use of any faeces marks you cause as they might gross others out. Tut!

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
As a courtesy to the next customer, may we suggest that you use your towel to wipe off the wash basin. Thank you. =
So as you may go when the potty feels extra wet, fussy woman, use without your buttocks area touching the seat

Rosie Perera with:
In case of turbulence woes way out at sea, shut up! We may throw oxygen masks at you. Get those to the youth first.

Christopher Sturdy with:
You are what you eat...
But piss on the seat;
You eat what you excrete!
Fucking gross, not sweet.

My motto: Flush... Wash.


Andrew Brehaut with:
"Hey you! Refrain from sexual output with the hot, wet sky hostess because two taut economy seat guys want a go!"

Rosie Perera with:
Umm...sorry, guys. Seats please! Excuse the noisy take off. Bet you thought we hit a stout cow on the Ottawa runway.

Adie Pena with:
"I expect such a stormy, turbulent take off at the outset, so you stowaway guys go easy on the mouthwash, er, wine."

Dharam Khalsa with:
US safety note: You must stow your war gauntlet, pickaxe, wheat scythe somehow out of sight beneath your seat.

Adie Pena with:
"Except fatuous, gun-toting terrorists who we shot at, you Yanks may each fly home to the beauteous U.S. way West."

Rosie Perera with:
Oh, that moron George Bush exhausts us in the cockpit, yet aware we must set out to fly you safe out West anyway.

Larry Brash with:
What the f... Were you smoking in the bathroom? No way! Put that stogy out! Cease your excuses, you fat useless twat.

Rosie Perera with:
Excuse me, you got hot, wet, nasty breath, you know! Get out. Stay away, too! Use the free mouthwash up in First Class!

Rosie Perera with:
Ah, we who show up say: "In case of emergency, your seat's too rusty to float. Tough tutus! Take the subway next time!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Guests: If we crash in water, you may use oxygen (How wasteful!), try to unhook the chute, use bottom seat as a potty.

View with:
Passengers, you... Height of ... now ten ... exactly ... sky. Sweet...we are...to coast! Without... maybe at ... fatuous....shut your mouth!...

Dharam Khalsa with:
A pretty hostess: Excuse me...Coffee, milk, hot tea, water, nuts? You want nuts, you say? So, what about your weight, hog?!

Adie Pena with:
"Ooh, warm excreta?"
"Must be the unctuous stew!"
"Ooh, the soya yogurt tastes like pee!"
"Shitty guano stuff!"
"No way?" "Way!"

Adrian Hickford with:
You shout: "Mey Kraus, the sweet guy whose few anagrams beat any of our contest-texts, is the pilot?! You watch out!"

Adie Pena with:
"In case of bust in the sky, you guys must note that those few (ahem, two? yes, two!) parachutes we got are a luxury, too!"

Rosie Perera with:
We regret to inform you that we left the Bauhaus meat stew in a south Texas (USA) town. So you get yucky soy chops.

Ellie Dent with:
Stay in your seat: but when we say safe to step out, through the wreckage, you may assume the outflow's not toxic.

Paul Pan with:
1. "Natty stowaways, out, out, out, out, out!"

2. "Swab thy faeces out, thank you!"

3. "Foxy Mile High passengers meet here screw!"

Rosie Perera with:
We are entering bankruptcy, so you may wish to fly home, yet we guess that's out. What?! Sue us?! That's out, too, ox-face!

Dharam Khalsa with:
As we are somewhat testy about culture stereotype foes, you two guys must extinguish that fancy hookah now!

Ellie Dent with:
When you exit, gather your stuff: coat, bag, money etc. You must also take spouses, sweethearts, whatnot with you.

David Bourke with:
When/if thirsty, see the gorgeous buxom hostess of twenty-two to measure you out a takeaway cup...a tasty lunch!

Ellie Dent with:
Hey you, the last one off, must stay to wash the wings, okay? But you watch out, as we sure expect us to get more rain.

Adie Pena with:
Awful weather? Superb way out! On the house, a snooty tourist gets a toy safety chute with costume oxygen mask!

Dharam Khalsa with:
FYI: Southwest weighs you now. A stout anatomy type must buy out two seats, one for each extra-large tush cheek!

Christopher Sturdy with:
"Miss Tua Fawcett on the way to Uruguay, please ring Matt, your ex. He wants both sets of keys to the house, you cow."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Host frets: "FOX Weather guys way out on the remote coast say they got unusual thick soup. We may be out in a stew!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Guests! You choose seats now so we may taxi what is left after the rocky-y bu-u-umps out on the runway to the gate!

Adie Pena with:
Nauseous anyhow in First Class:
- "Tomato soup? Way too mushy."
- "The beef we got? A tough texture."
- "Turkey? Chewy taste."

Rosie Perera with:
These may get you shown away to the sky exit: guns, hatchet, a few arrows, tumultuous US profanity, too obese, etc.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Factory? No way, yahoo! We buy our fleets at the twenties German outpost, though you must excuse the swastikas.

Rosie Perera with:
Our two pilots are august ex-Marines. They fought, won tests, knew safety. Watch out, because they may shoot you!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Two-way safety: We ask you not to asphyxiate guests or combust the fuel with your outrageous methane stench.

Adie Pena with:
"Hey, I summon you future hostage-takers! You won't get away with those latest weapons: safety boxcutters! Ouch!"

Rosie Perera with:
When you feel nausea, you must use the airsick bags. Expectorate smooth, snotty stew out of thy gut. Throw away.

Rosie Perera with:
Two statutes: Take off your outrageous high heels when you enter an exit chute. Stowaway may stop by Customs.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bosom exposure for tot nutrition as we fly may cue a naughty eye to watch us. We ask guests to swathe the youth.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Though conspicuously buxom, the hostess is not a wet nurse. A try at a few tweaks may get you out to the freeway.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Excuse me, are you an OB-GYN or the osteopath with a wristwatch? The gusty tumultuous takeoff ...Yes, a son! Yes, TWO!

Chris Chatfield with:
Captain: "Why Otto, take me west to a fat, foxy masseuse; huge, wet, 'n' tough."

Wry hush.

Otto: "Surely you can't be serious?"

Dharam Khalsa with:
You, the obnoxious scouts, must not gawk at the US war amputees! Anyway, these lost feet carry the weight of you.

Meyran Kraus with:
"The meat's sour. Excuse us. We suggest that you eat some nuts.
...By the way, any of you know how to pilot the aircraft?"


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
When I went to lunch today, I noticed a little old lady sitting on a bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked what was the matter. She said, "I have a 25 year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, toast, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well! Now, why are you crying?"

She said, "He does me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite brownies and then makes love to me all the afternoon.

I said, "Then, just why are you crying?"

She said, "For dinner he cooks me a gourmet meal with red wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2 a.m."

I said, "Well, why on earth would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"=
Two elderly widows had been friends for many years. Over the years they had shared all kinds of adventures, reminiscences and hardships. But recently, their activities had diminished to meeting up once a week to play cards.

One day, they were commencing a game of whist when one woman looked at the other and said sheepishly, "Now look, don't get mad at me... we have been chums for a long time - some 52 years I believe - but no way can I think of your name! I've thought and I've thought, and it's useless - I just cannot remember. I know I am a dummy, but please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For a full 2 minutes she stared and glared. Finally she said, "How soon do you have to know?"

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Fear of Flying

A plane took off from an airport in New York and steadily climbed. After it had reached its comfortably high cruising altitude, the captain made a typical announcement out over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 93, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. I see the weather ahead is good and we should have a fairly smooth and uneventful flight. Now lean back and re..."

"OH MY GOD!" he yelled.
~
A shivery silence followed, a child bawled, and after a long time that seemed like forever, the captain came back over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I frightened you earlier. During the time I was talking, Donna, a new on-board flight attendant, accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A grumpy man using the phone far away in row 39 groaned, "No, that's nothing. You should look at the back of mine!"

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Musee du Louvre in Paris, France is one of the world's most visited art museums, a historic monument, and a national symbol. The collection has some 34 thousand priceless pieces.

On the Right Bank and between the Seine River and the Rue de Rivoli, the Louvre is slightly askew of a long architectural straightaway that cuts through the heart of Paris.

=

The merciless French villain passes the museum security, steals their 4 terrific art pieces, and gets to his van.

But he is captured 3 short corners away when he runs out of vital millilitres of value-added petrol.

How can one make a blatant, childish error?

"Monsieur, that is the reason. I had nothing Toulouse with no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Ellie Dent with:
TIRED AND EMOTIONAL

Look, I had around eighteen gorgeous bottles of whisky I used to keep in the cellar. But then, she, my lovely other half Sheila, demanded I singlehandedly tip all these bottles down the sink. After careful thought I agreed, and so finally I carried out this mean, unusual assignment... a lone, thankless task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the entire contents down the sink, excepting the one glass, which I drank.

Then I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did the same, with the exception of the one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from bottle no. three, and poured it down the sink, which I drank .

I pulled out the cork from the fourth one down the sink, and poured the bottle down the used glass, which I sank.=
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink from the next glass, and poured the cork down the bottle. Then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink, and drank the pour.

Once I'd emptied everything I could see, as I steadied the house with one hand, with the other I began to count up all withdrawn corks with bottles and glasses, for errors - which were thirteen odd - and as the houses came by, I withdrew, and counted again. Then finally, I'd all the houses collected together in a whisky bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under the affluence of incohol, as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Fourth of July Night

Dharam Khalsa with:
Why do married women tend to be heavier set than single women?

A single woman gets home at nightfall, turns on the light and takes one look at what is in her fridge, and goes to bed.~
It seems to me, though, an average married woman (not the slim newlywed) gets into her aged flannel nightgown and robe, looks at what is in the bed, and hastens to look in the fridge.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Dr. Smith evaluates a patient for a respiratory problem, and the highly esteemed doctor asks his patient, "Which do you want first? Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?"~
The patient responds, "I want to know only half the truth today, the good part."

Dr. Smith arches his eyebrows and proclaims, "We're about to go have this weird disease named after you."

Rosie Perera with:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.=
A very sublime quote in the "Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies" that was written by the US "Fathers" -- A better paraphrase might be: "True attitude: we hate death, thrall, and really high sellers."

Dharam Khalsa with:
If total thermonuclear war were to shake the world, God forbid, and we saw mushroom clouds billowing (Pray it will never happen!),~
we would all be at work feverishly wording anagrams on the whole incident (albeit, harsh) from our laptop computers worldwide!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Two average patients, two different doctor's offices.

(Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does!)

Two patients limp into two different crowded New York medical centers sharing the same complaint. Both are having trouble with their gait whenever they walk and appear to require hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is weighed, examined, and has rigorous tests in an hour, gets x-rays the same day, and shows a time reserved for surgery at the clinic the following week.
~
The SECOND goes to the family doctor after waiting eight weeks in limbo for an appointment, then holds on for another eight or nine weeks for an orthopedic hip specialist. She winds up getting x-rays and a blood test, which are reviewed after a week, and is scheduled to have hip surgery after another month.

Why did two similar patients get this different treatment?

Why, the FIRST was a Labrador Retriever; the SECOND was a widow with no insurance!

Next time, please get me quickly to a vet!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Unusual menopausal jewelry

My husband mentioned he hated the burden of my extreme menopausal mood swings. Even had a birdbrain idea of purchasing me a fad mood ring for my birthday, with the hope he could learn my attitude by looking at my left hand!
~
My fond husband found that when I'm in a cheerful, happy mood, the mood ring turns a jade green.

But when I'm in a really bad mood, it leaves a large ugly red mark in the center of his forehead!

Do you suppose that maybe next time my husband will buy me a diamond?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Torrid Monday

A woman was innocently unwinding at a downtown bar on a hot (too hot) Monday after work, sitting and enjoying a cocktail with her thirsty girlfriends, when who should enter the door but a tall, tanned, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man. He was so uncommonly striking that the woman could not take her incredulous eyes off him.

The dashing, stylish playboy spied her attentive stare and walked toward her. Needless to say, the spellbound woman watched him too. Before she could offer apologies for rudely staring, he leaned over intimately and whispered, "Hello...
~
I'll do anything, any favor you want me to do, no matter what or how kinky, for twenty dollars. But, of course, there is one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked, "What is the condition?"

He replied, "You must tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

Acknowledging the extraordinary proposition, the woman thought for a moment, "Three words?" Then she slowly reached far inside her handbag and removed a twenty-dollar bill, and pressed it into the man's hand, along with her address.

She looked deeply into his fascinating eyes, and slowly and meaningfully exclaimed,

"Clean my house!"

Dharam Khalsa with:

Two nursing home residents agreed to a hasty romp in an available closet. They undressed. Having taken Viagra, the man was huge now, clearly ready to aim for some action. Both were delighted and about to make love, when the woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.~
The grandmother wondered, "Did I already tell him?" The woman really did not want to alarm the poor man, so she tried to maintain her calm affect. She crooned, "I want you to know, I have acute angina."

The man answered, "Thank God, because you have the worst sagging boobs I've ever seen!

Rosie Perera with:
The debate rages on about capital punishment, what methods are OK (dispatch the old yet deedy idiot swiftly, yet no nasty torture).
~
Why don't they do it the way they did in Socrates' day? Force the inmates to take pentobarbital (the drug used to put animals to sleep).


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
An anagram crossword puzzle.


2nd - Adie Pena with:
The New Colossus


3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds


Adie Pena with:
Who Are You?


Ellie Dent with:
THE CAT AND THE YOUTH

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, a cat fell in love with a very handsome, good-looking young man, and pleaded with Venus to change her into a woman.

"I should've thought," said Venus, with some irritation, "you might make a trifling transformation like that, without having to bother me. Now cat, go thence... be a woman."

Afterwards, wanting to see if the change had been completed, Venus caused a mouse to appear, whereupon the woman shrieked, and cried, making such a spectacle of herself that the young man would not marry her.

********** =

THE TWO KINGS

The King of Madagao, being engaged in a dispute with the King of Bornegascar, wrote to him: "Before proceeding further in this matter, I demand the recall of your Minister from the Capital."

Enraged by this impossible demand, the King of Bornegascar replied: "I shall not recall my Minister. And moreover, if you do not immediately retract your demand, I shall withdraw him!"

This threat so terrified the King of Madagao, that in hastening to comply he fell over his own feet, thus breaking the Third Commandment.

********** =
THE FOOLISH WOMAN

A married woman, whose unfortunate young lover, a gentle Hawaiian, was planning to reform by running away, vowed to get her revenge: found a gun, then shot him in the head, dead.

"Oh, what d'you do that for, Ma'am?" asked a man of Law, sauntering past.

"Cause," replied the married woman, "in truth, he wasn't ever a gentleman, but a vile wicked cheat; uncouth, unethical. He had even purchased a ticket to... to Chicago."

"Oh heavens, sister," said a man of God, solemnly, "you cannot hope to attempt to stop the wicked from going to Chicago by killing them.

********** =

THE DISINTERESTED ARBITER

One summer morning, two stupid dogs which had been fighting, without advantage to either, to try to get their rascally paws on a magnificent bone, finally referred their difference to a common sheep.

This timid, mild, dim-looking animal heard them talk, then after a short time considering their argument, flung their bone forcibly into a pond. "Oh! Why?" asked the mortified dogs, grim, angry from shock.

"Look, fellows," the sheep replied, "not because I am barking mad...hardly that. Me... I am a vegetarian."


Dharam Khalsa with:
Love


View with:
Ooh my little pretty one


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
I want her tits ~
in a wet t-shirt.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Stretch teats to win ~
a wet t-shirt contest!

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Braless teenagers =
Large breasts seen.

Neil Ramsay with:
Goes down =
Good news

Neil Ramsay with:
An adult-movie actress =
Cameras on valued tits.

Rick Rothstein with:
See her shorn vagina =
Shaven organ is here.

Adie Pena with:
He has an erectile dysfunction =
Endurance?! Ah, shite! Nicely soft!

David Bourke with:
Balla Powder: The scented scrotum talc for men =
"Oh, most acceptable smell down under!" - T. Crafter

Christopher Sturdy with:
No viagra ~
or vagina :-(

View with:
On top? Nice sex! ~
No exceptions.

David Bourke with:
The American singer Barry Manilow =
Ram almighty boner in nice raw arse.

David Bourke with:
The Emperor Publius Aelius Hadrianus =
Hurries a liaison...pleasured up the bum!

Christopher Sturdy with:
To shit in your pants =
It's poo that is runny!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Condom over erection =
Cover on erotic demon

Meyran Kraus with:
Calendars with bikini models =
A billion dicks went semi-hard.

Tony Crafter with:
The perils of dining at a nudist colony supper
=
I find hot soup can spill. End target? Your penis!

Paul Pan with:
Macadamia nuts =
I am mad as a cunt.


The Anagrammy Awards