JULY 2009 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Paul Lusch with:
Righteous indignation =
Idiot shouting in anger.

2nd - Chris Chatfield with:
Classic 'Earthrise' photo =
Real historic space shot.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Social networking =
I know girls at once.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Watermelon-eating contest =
Come in, entrants, get a towel!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Enormous stupidity ‡
It's untrue I'm so dopy.

View with:
UFO photos =
Thou spoof!

Tony Crafter with:
A footprint in the sand =
Pathfinder's notation.

Rosie Perera with:
The durability =
Build it hearty.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sunday morning religious service =
Our clergy issuing a divine sermon.

Rosie Perera with:
Memorial services of dead relatives =
So, cemeteries avail former live dads.

Adie Pena with:
Racial discrimination ~
is a criminal indicator.

Adie Pena with:
International flights =
That long strain in life.

Adie Pena with:
Doctor of Alternative Medicine =
I'd remove infection; treat a cold.

Rick Rothstein with:
The 'menage a trois' =
Three amigos... neat!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Personal financial advisor =
A far vision, or panic and sell.

View with:
I GB =
Big!

Rosie Perera with:
Stinging nettle soup =
No upsetting tingles.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Card verse: "Love is grand" =
Divorce's several grand!

Rosie Perera with:
The antivirus software =
Hour wait; it's never fast.

SpursKevin with:
Customer complaints ~
start economic slump

David Bourke with:
Dismal year =
Real dismay.

Rosie Perera with:
The fedoras =
Set for head.

Tony Crafter with:
Heatwaves =
Have a stew!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Windsor knot? =
Don't know, sir.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Is? =
S!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Add insult to injury =
Join adult industry.

Larry Brash with:
Dramatis personae =
Idea: names or parts.

Richard Grantham with:
Cerebrospinal fluid =
Fried brain-cell soup.

David Bourke with:
Typical British teenagers =
Irate, pretty basic English.

Rosie Perera with:
Shit happens: ~
the hip snaps.

Larry Brash with:
Trichotillomania =
A licit hair molt? No!

Rosie Perera with:
Air disaster ~
raised a stir.

David Bourke with:
My pleasure ~
may repulse!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The total solar eclipse =
So, thrill at a telescope.

Rosie Perera with:
A missile test =
I miss Seattle.

Adie Pena with:
The Apollo Moon landing pictures of Aldrin =
I include photo of an old pal Neil Armstrong.

Adie Pena with:
Conspiracy theorist =
Notice his story? Crap!

Rosie Perera with:
A triple shooting, so fetch ~
the forensic pathologist.

Rosie Perera with:
Forensic pathologist: ~
"Halt! I got corpse's info."

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Face up to ~
cup of tea.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
lay it on me ~
any ol' time

Paul Lusch with:
Personal physician =
Only cheap aspirins.

Ellie Dent with:
A hereditary baldness =
Hairless and betrayed!

Scott Gardner with:
Horse races =
Cheers soar!

Meyran Kraus with:
A moonlight serenade =
Hear one lad sing to me.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Daniel Radcliffe , Emma Watson, Rupert Grint ~
as Mr Potter, nice girlfriend and awful mate.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears =
Cast a shortsighted blonde for the key role.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Vincent Van Gogh's masterpiece, 'Sunflowers' =
Such intense pigment: canvas glows forever.

David Bourke with:
"This Is It" =
Shit! It is!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Instant Karma (We All Shine On) =
Lennon's hit was like a mantra

Meyran Kraus with:
The US singer Neil Diamond ‡
I heard stunning melodies.

View with:
Jackson body 'going to Neverland' =
Not very black gone and joins God

Adie Pena with:
Songwriter and bassist Paul McCartney's "Let It Be" = Musical corn by Beatles' prettiest and Wings' star.

Dharam Khalsa with:
One of Michael Jackson's early hits, 'Beat It' =
Familiar jacket, ethnic nose; also, 'the boys'.

Tony Crafter with:
The fairy tale, 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland'. =
A child now reinvented as all-Disney art feature.

Dean Mayer with:
"Nothing Compares To You" =
Hum a top song, one I cry to.

Rosie Perera with:
Sacha Baron Cohen stars in Unversal Pictures' ~
"Brno": Austrian chap's trivial chases on screen.

View with:
Beethoven's Eroica =
Ooh, nice! A best, ever!

Adie Pena with:
Ludwig van Beethoven's "The Eroica Symphony" =
Messy one which involved the guy Bonaparte!

View with:
The dramatis personae =
Pros' names aid theatre.

Adie Pena with:
The Woodstock Music and Art Fair =
Cocaine draws kids to that forum.

Scott Gardner with:
William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew =
Shall he regret the impish woman Kate as wife?

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Fisher King =
He thinks: "Grief"

Andrew Brehault with:
Father Ted =
Daft three.

Meyran Kraus with:
The film 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' =
The children promptly ran to behold the affair.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Legendary newsperson Walter Cronkite [1916-2009] =
Gnarly network elder now rests in peace.

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The moon landing's fortieth anniversary =
Vision of Armstrong, then Aldrin? Hey, neat!

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The astronaut Sally Ride =
Lady on a shuttle? It's rare!

Chris Chatfield with:
Sudden revelation ~
outside Neverland.

Adie Pena with:
Unemployment rate is rising =
To my great ruin, I'm penniless!

Adie Pena with:
A record fifteenth Grand Slam title =
That fact granted Federer millions!

David Bourke with:
Michael Jackson =
So jam L.A. check-in

Dharam Khalsa with:
Animal friends of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop =
Fish pond, llama, snake, giraffe, chimp in cot -- no joke!

Dharam Khalsa with:
First ladies Michelle Obama and Svetlana Medvedeva =
Famed mates had a balanced visit overall, even smiled!

Rosie Perera with:
The world mourns Michael Jackson, the King of Pop =
"Just perform moonwalk on casket, eh?" (child, hoping)

Adie Pena with:
A star-studded farewell for the King of Pop =
Folk wept for the dead frail one's drug past.

Adie Pena with:
The child molestation accusations =
Michael's stint at school education? ;-)

Rosie Perera with:
Iran reformist movement =
Imams forever in torment.

View with:
Staples Center in Los Angeles =
A last respect. Long lines seen.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Is Afghanistan becoming a quagmire? =
Obama, change games, as in quit firing!

Tony Crafter with:
The enduring battles in Afghanistan =
Hard test, fighting an unseen Taliban.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Is the Afghanistan war destined to become a quagmire? =
Americans begin to question what grim defeat's ahead.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Palin says she may stump for Democrats =
Sympathy from USA's leaders? Most panic!

Rosie Perera with:
Confirmation hearings for Judge Sonia Sotomayor =
Ah, confusion of media or majority gringo senators?

Rosie Perera with:
The cyberwarfare strategies =
Fighters try a secret web area.

Adie Pena with:
The tragic Caspian Airlines Flight Tupolev TU-154M =
Picture it: Tough timing ... Fatal plane crash ... 154 lives.

Rosie Perera with:
Pope breaks wrist in a fall at Vatican =
Take a pontifical sprawl, brave saint!

Paul Lusch with:
Indonesia blast ~
disables nation.

Meyran Kraus with:
Walter Cronkite has died =
Anchor we did like, at rest.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin =
Modern transistors abuzz at lunar landing.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Fearmonger catering =
Mortgage refinancer.

Adie Pena with:
Arctic Mystery: Identifying the Great Blob of Alaska =
It's fringed by a freaky, stretchy titanic algae bloom!

Chris Chatfield with:
National Flu Service =
Continual lifesaver?

Larry Brash with:
Propofol (Diprivan) =
Rip Van... for pop idol.

Ellie Dent with:
Tributes to war veteran Henry Allingham =
This truly brave man: altogether a winner.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
USA's olympian Michael Fred Phelps =
Champ fesses up: "I'm really a dolphin".

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Walter Cronkite =
Relic at network.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The astronaut Neil Armstrong =
He's got a lunar transmitter on

David Bourke with:
Rupert Thorneloe =
Prone Lt., true hero.

Adie Pena with:
Existentialist philosopher from Paris, France ~
Sartre explains his point of this life... more crap!

Richard Napier with:
Michael Owen =
i.e. Whole Manc

Scott Gardner with:
The gorgon Medusa =
God, a huge monster!

Ellie Dent with:
Messieurs Monet and Manet =
Some eminent art and muses.

Larry Brash with:
Heath Andrew Ledger =
Ah, reward the legend!

David Bourke with:
President Mills of Ghana =
The self-praising old man

Adie Pena with:
Alan Mathison Turing =
As in an "algorithm nut."

View with:
Christopher William Bradshaw Isherwood =
Adorable words while rich with aphorisms.

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Meryl Streep, an actress =
Masterly star presence.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor =
Open emotions or racism means you're out.

Adie Pena with:
The astronaut Neil Armstrong =
Smartest on that lunar region?

Dharam Khalsa with:
American Photographer Ansel Easton Adams =
Mastered each regional panorama snapshot.

Adie Pena with:
The Russian composer Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky =
Hey, I hope a Soviet's "Nutcracker" hit simply rocks.

Scott Gardner with:
Cosmonaut Yuri Alekseyevich Gagarin =
A Russian guy may go in a rocket vehicle.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
President Obama =
Mad? Beer is on tap.

Tony Crafter with:
The US cardiologist Conrad Robert Murray =
Drug-saturation error by Michael's doctor?

David Bourke with:
The Defence Secretary Robert William Ainsworth =
Blair's wretched lie sent the Army on to fierce war.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Woodstock Music and Arts Festival =
Review: It's a fact most took LSD and such.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Best beach area in ~
the Caribbean Sea

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Attention Deficit Disorder =
A trend: doctor identifies it.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Amazon.com's electronic book reader, Kindle =
Modern mode craze can kill a nice bookstore.

Adie Pena with:
Diprivan (Propofol), the intravenous anesthetic =
A torn pop idol can survive the pains, not the fire.

View with:
Pentium Processor =
More on PC. It's super!

Chris Chatfield with:
Tamiflu tablets =
I smell a fat butt.

Rosie Perera with:
Doctor of Chinese Medicine =
Oh, I'd concoct fine remedies.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Doctor of Oriental Medicine ~
to clear me of dire condition.

Rosie Perera with:
Federal Protective Service =
Feel private, discreet cover.

Tony Crafter with:
The Helmand Province in Afghanistan =
Path of hindrance, an English Vietnam?

Rosie Perera with:
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change =
Gentlemen proving inane coal can melt earth.

Andrew Brehault with:
Guernsey, Channel Islands =
Unnecessary English land.

View with:
Bridgestone Corporation =
Born on tires at good price.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The mysterious statues of Easter Island =
Some artists study those alien features.

Christopher Sturdy with:
News International =
We listen in on a rant

Meyran Kraus with:
London's Royal Opera House =
Hear one soprano so loudly!


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The astronauts Neil Alden Armstrong, Edwin Eugene Aldrin and Michael Collins =
Lunar landing under Mission Control - America went silent..."The Eagle has landed!"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The novels of the Bronte sisters: Charlotte, Emily and Anne =
Intense tales cast by three lovelorn maidens of the North.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The San Francisco Zoo's same sex penguin couple Harry and Pepper splits up =
Such gay partnerships in nests perplex, amaze, confound us prosaic people.

Adie Pena with:
For a little price, Michael stages one last special national number ~
at the public memorial at Staples Center in Los Angeles, California.

David Bourke with:

Alesha Dixon to replace Arlene Phillips as a judge on Strictly Come Dancing =
Cruel old slapper calls it a day...her last tango. Ex-champion joins in....I need ECG!

Dharam Khalsa with:
A newspaper reporter interviewed the 104-year-old woman on her birthday.

"So, what do you think is the best thing about
~
being 104?" the newsboy started, notebook handy.

That woman with white hair provided real authority, "No peer pressure!"

Andrew Brehault with:
The bestselling works "Angels and Demons" and "The Da Vinci Code" =
Seems Langdon scolded rebel knights and the Vatican DOES win.

David Bourke with:
How many Rosie Pereras does it take to screw in a lightbulb? =
The wordy American poster bellows: "Ah, I guess it ain't broke!"

Rosie Perera with:
How many terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?=
Wait, that's no rotten lightbulb! Yikes! I'm scared...or worse!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Who is the fairest of them all?=
How terrorism hit the mall;
In its horror a few more fall.

View with:
Man claims he found a rodent inside Diet Pepsi can =
Sip and another sip identified calm canned mouse.

Dharam Khalsa with:
This question was found in a children's grade school test paper:

"Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section'."
~

A seventh grade pupil's eloquent effort won:

"The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome."

(Something has changed!)


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.'
=
Tree Food

When I'd Note That Each Rain
Shows Pale Root In New Gauds,
Some Utter Mirth My Eyes Regain
From Ash's Leafy Load.

2nd - View with:
'They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.'
=
Eye time passing
    so eagerly.
      Hastily
       hind.
       Feel
        As
         a
       date
      chase.
     Moment
    without rest.
  Forward, forward
One hour, one month..

3rd - David Bourke with:

They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.
=
Oh, my good anagram 'net friends,
It's time, I fear, we faced,
The solitary, lonely hours and hours,
On poems here that we waste!

Ellie Dent with:
Oh, summer days are short, warns he
Note lease of sun is temporary.
If that good a time can flee
Who'd wait 'til he'd no energy?

Rosie Perera with:
There was a gardener from Lyme,
who grew food all the time.
"In season and out,
his ace oats sprout."
(He'd often say it in rhyme.)

David Bourke with:
Oh, what acrimony in a rowdy inn!
At "Last orders", a youth disagrees,
After "We're shut! Oh, sod off home!"
- Time, gentlemen please!

Adie Pena with:
I somehow hear Eternity sing:
"How the Fates see a hot Summer,
Nay, a doomed Fall, a cold Spring,
And out here, a frosty Winter."

Adie Pena with:
How long do earth minutes last?
Forget yesterday, today's here.
When each life of a man is up,
Tomorrow's mine, death is near.

Dharam Khalsa with:
In a honeymoon fire's afterglow,
They reached a warm plateau.
Time is no destroyer, though;
Shared times soften and slow.

Andrew Brehault with:
Oh, Stonehenge
Earthy lime formations
The summer solstice
A druid warns of eerie pathways toward death.


Golf anyone?

Larry Brash with:
Ernest Dowson, you are the inspiration for the feature film on alcoholism, and why tragedy damages sweethearts' home.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Time After Time" was the wide-eyed Cyndi Lauper song,
other songs, tales, famous horror film, and another one.
Yeah, so what?

David Bourke with:
Down Greenwich, it's real Mean.
It waits for no man...or so they'd say.
Sure, hours home a-gallop
- Time's free, at the end of the day!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Nelson Mandela teaches right:
"The time is always ripe to do right."
So, defame none as unworthy,
Or feed our fame as worthy.

David Bourke with:

The prisoner, sent down
Shut in a dim, gray cell
A year and a half
So he waits to get out
How he yearns for freedom
Some time.

Tony Crafter with:
"Time's money!" Father used to say.
(If so, it's not worth much nowadays!)
He died, errant, poor, of gangrene.
Ah, well.
Time's a healer.

David Bourke with:
Today, yesterday and tomorrow...passed
Infinite, the hour of anguish
Moments, images of worth
Each were as eternal hell

Ellie Dent with:
When as a Time-Lord, Doctor Who
Means a true age to defy
As years punish man, will he die, too?
He's free then, to transmogrify.

Rosie Perera with:
Aeons on Earth

Our tyrannous season of time,
What dead writer dispels?
Go offer today a rhyme:
The Time Machine (H.G. Wells).

Adie Pena with:
[EMIT] Hogwash Harry to offload
[ITEM] An endless wordy feature
[TIME] Hey, done in a snap on --
[MITE] Gosh, a worthless creature!

Dharam Khalsa with:
She's image of purity and season,
Yet, he follows logic or reason;
Two unite and wed as rhyme:
Mother Earth and Father Time.

Ellie Dent with:
One hour with a pretty girl: a momentary affair,
he stressed.
One single hour of damn toothache always seems two.
Indeed.

Christopher Sturdy with:
I
am
the
Time,
whose
mighty
eternal
featured
authority
transcends
meaningless
plays on words

Oh fear!
Hoodoo?
We fear!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hands of time: a minute we ignore;
Hands of time: the hours, days, years galore;
Hands of time: a worthy poet can well restore.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Wordsworth, a poet of ages,
Near friend to saints and sages;
The lonely white cloud in a rhyme
May share our theme of TIME.

Scott Gardner with:
Two match hearts
As youth unite
Now old age near
Only these
Memories
Of former year
As life departs
In shadowed night

Meyran Kraus with:
1. A Ram
2. Too "Horny"
3. The Twins
4. Shell Oddity
5. Furry One
6. Made Pure
7. Fine Scale
8. Wee Sting
9. A Shooter
10. Goat-Head
11. Water Man
12. Some Fish

Dharam Khalsa with:
From doors in Afghanistan
The terrified eyes see gloom;
Unless we reach out with a new plan,
They head to a martyr's doom.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Feargal and Murphy fancy a pint or two but don't have a lot of cash. Between them, they can only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy says 'Hold it! I've got a good idea!'

He goes next door to a butcher's shop and comes back out with one very large sausage.

Feargal exclaims, 'Are you mad? Now we don't have any cash at all!'

Murphy replies, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He goes into the pub where he orders two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Feargal says 'Now you've lost the plot. Do you know how much trouble we'll be in? We haven't got any cash!'

Murphy smiles. 'Don't worry, I've got a plan. Cheers! '

They down their drinks. Murphy says, 'Right, I'll stick the sausage through my flies and you go down on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman sees them, goes berserk, and throws them out into the street.

They continue to do this, pub after pub, getting drunker and drunker, all for free.

At the tenth pub Feargal declares, 'Gee, I don't think I can do this any more, Murphy. I am drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy says, 'How do you think I feel? I don't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

=

THE DANGERS OF DUCK HUNTING (NOT FUNNY!).

Benny Murphy was enjoying a fine morning on the marsh, hunting ducks, when he felt the urge to take a leak. He walked over to a nearby tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew up, knocked the gun over, and it went off...shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying flat on his back in a hospital bed, he was approached by a doctor.

'Well Mr Murphy,' murmured the medic, 'I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that, thankfully, you're going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, and there was very minimal internal damage. Furthermore, we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'

'Oh, OK ...what's the bad news?' Murphy asked...

'The bad news, I'm sorry to say, is that there was some fairly extensive buckshot damage to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Polly.'

'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' murmured Murphy. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'

'Uh... not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony orchestra and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
In case you were wondering what is actually going on with President Obama's health care reform plan:

The American Medical Association professionals weighed in on the new health care plan that the bipartisan Obama Team is dutifully putting together.

The Allergists persistently voted to scratch it, while

The Dermatologists advised to postpone it, to not make any rash move.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it, while

The Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians attested they were all laboring under a misconception, while

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

The Orthopedists thought the plan sounded spineless, while

The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" but,

The Pediatricians heckled and guffawed, "Oh, Grow up!"
~
The Psychiatrists thought the entire idea to be madness.

The Radiologists could see right through the body of the plan.

The Surgeons recommended washing their hands of the whole idea.

The Internists hypothecated it would be a bitter pill for people to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons declared, "It puts a whole new face on the matter!"

The Podiatrists thought it would be taking a small step forward, but, conversely

The Urologists were very pissed off at the idea.

The Anesthesiologists looked at the general plan as a total gas, and

The Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say 'no.'

(Also, the Transcriptionist/Anagrammatist casually rearranged the initiative.)

In my humble opinion, champion Proctologists did win commendably in the end, "We're leaving the outcome of the dialogue to the a**hole pigs in Washington!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT?

1. Cover her eyes and lead her to a lovely surprise.

2. Whisk her away somewhere exciting for the weekend.

3. Write a song or poem about her.

4. Tell her that she is the most wonderful woman that you have ever met.

5. Run her a relaxing bath after she has had a bad day at work.

6. Send her a romantic text or email or leave a loving note around the house.

7. Wake her up with breakfast in bed.

8. Offer her a coat when she is cold.

9. Send her flowers or chocolates at work.

10. Make her a compilation of her favourite music.

=

1. HE'D BUY the wife... lingerie: handwash knickers, or a sexy nightgown.

2. Extra headache remedies.

3. A rotary lawnmower to cut the lawn.

4. A female shaver to remove the mature facial whiskers.

5. A worthy book on diet, and a workout.

6. HE'D GIVE HER... the rhubarb to make a pie.

7. Beeswax to polish that rather heavy walnut furniture.

8. A yellow leather three-piece suite with loose-covers.

9. A rare wooden clothes-horse, and non-shrink overalls for women.

10. A matched set of tools, and even a cute hammer for herself, from a hardware shop.

Adie Pena with:
"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first." (Ronald Reagan)
=
He vilified that large, tolerant coalition of the best pimps, bastards, idiots, aberrations and ass-lickers here in the Senate and the Congress.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 22


2nd - Tony Crafter with:
HER DIARY

Friday, Fifteenth February.

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it could be that.

The bar was really crowded and noisy, so I suggested we find somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very detached and preoccupied so I said we should go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just wasn't himself; he rarely laughed and he did not seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.

He drove me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was anything the matter but he just shook his head and turned the television on.

Then, after about ten minutes of silence, I said that I was going off to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just sighed and gave a rather sad sort of smile. He did not follow me then, but later he came up, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a trifle cool, and I started to think that he might be going off me, and that perhaps he'd found someone else. Then I cried myself to sleep.


HIS DIARY

Friday, Fifteenth February.

Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Gutted. Got a shag though.

=

THE AUDITORY DILEMMA.

A man believed his wife wasn't hearing quite as well as she used to and thought she may need a hearing aid.

Not sure how to approach the subject, he called the family doctor to get his advice.

The doctor told him there was a simple test he could apply at home to give him (the GP) a better idea about judging the wife's hearing levels.

What I suggest you do," said the medical man, "is stand about forty feet away, talk in a normal conversational tone, and the idea is to see if she hears you.

If not, go to about thirty feet, then twenty, and so on, in gradual stages, until you get a response."

That evening the wife was in the kitchen making dinner as usual, while the husband was in the study. He said to himself, "Right, I'm about forty feet away; let's see what happens."

In a normal tone he said, 'Mildred, what's for dinner?"

No reply.

So the husband moved a bit closer - about thirty feet, he judged - and said, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Still nothing.

He sidled into the dining room where he was about twenty feet from his spouse and asked, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Again, no reply.

He edged up to the kitchen door, just ten feet away...

"Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Still nothing.

He moved up behind her...

"Mildred, what's for dinner?"

"Goddammit, George!" She bellowed, "For the FIFTH frigging time ...CHICKEN!"


3rd - Tony Crafter with:
For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her


Dharam Khalsa with:
I Walk the Line


Scott Gardner with:
The Princess Andromeda =
Predestined as monarch
Parents admired chosen
Cad mother pans Nereids

Snatched, made prisoner
Sent, arms roped & chained
I'm stranded on sea perch

A mad serpent sic'd on her
Oh me, stranded in scrape
And I'm the scared person!

And hard serpent is come
Dread sea monster pinch!
Her predicament's sad, no?

Needs starred champion
(Standard hero specimen)
Handsome prince stared...

He panics dread monster
Did harm ocean's serpent
Monster ran, hid, escaped

Son married. [caps] THE END.


Adie Pena with:
Concord Hymn


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - View with:
The lingam =
Male thing.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Barack and Michelle =
Black lad came in her.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The singer Michael Jackson, and Debbie Rowe =
To breed beige child, he wanks 'n' comes in a jar.

SpursKevin with:
The gal's vagina op? ~
A vast gaping hole!

Rick Rothstein with:
A child molester ~
chortles, "Laid 'em!"

Andrew Brehault with:
This voting idea? =
I dont give a shit!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The enormous dick. =
Too much drink, see!

David Bourke with:

The Prince's Trust =
Utter sphincters!

Andrew Brehault with:
The Duke of Edinburgh Awards =
HER husband did tug for a week.

Tony Crafter with:
Penis-browsers go to ~
gross porno website!

Meyran Kraus with:
Human reproduction =
"Ah!! Rupture in condom!"


The Anagrammy Awards