OCTOBER 2009 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The Andre Agassi autobiography =
Into a drug habit phase years ago!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
US balloon mother admits it was a con. =
A helium antic blows a son to stardom!

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Permanent peace in the Middle East =
An ethnic dilemma penetrates deep.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Late night host David Letterman =
The man dated girls - not that evil!

View with:
Shalit deal =
Still ahead

View with:
Video of Gilad Shalit released =
Visage of held Israeli (old date).

Rosie Perera with:
October is Vegetarian Awareness Month =
Eat herbs or trees (sic) now. Nov: meat again!

Ellie Dent with:
'The season of mists and mellow fruitfulness' (Keats) =
So, Autumn's skies lift senses for that fellow... and me!

Rosie Perera with:
Announcing the death of Polaroid film =
Minolta, Canon dug in, hoped for the fail.

Larry Brash with:
National Coming Out Day =
Latino gay man: "Do I count?"

Adie Pena with:
December Twenty-First, Two Thousand and Twelve =
We want to end the world fast... by destructive men!

Adie Pena with:
Trick or Treat: The Bernie Madoff Halloween Mask =
Make little kids wear the abhorrent form on face?!

Rosie Perera with:
United States health care system overhaul =
The treatment has scared us all, you thieves!

Adie Pena with:
A Facebook Outage Silences 150,000 Users =
Because 150,000 aloof ones agree: "It sucks!"

David Bourke with:
Adroit ladies' man ~
Al Martino is dead.

Adrian Hickford with:
Facebook's question: "Whats on your mind?" =
Quote confessions about my handiwork.

View with:
Falcon Heene =
He can flee, no.

Ellie Dent with:
Halloween Celebrations: October the Thirty-First =
Toothless witch to be airborne: thence terrify all!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Animal slaughter for the World Cup? =
Hindu alarm erupts for cow, "The gall!"

Paul Pan with:
Geocities ~
goes, I cite.

Rosie Perera with:
Bush makes debut as motivational speaker =
A stupid bum markets his tale as a book, even!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge =
A roadblock sign at ends if any breach.

Adie Pena with:
Internationalised Domain Names =
Some non-Latin IDs are maintained.

Rosie Perera with:
Levi Johnston to pose in the nude for Playgirl =
Opting to reveal old John Henry is spiteful, no?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Halloween costume party =
When all meet up, too scary!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's 'Pinocchio' was a feature-film and a cartoon. =
A classic story, and what a wonderful piece of animation!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The portrait "Young Girl in Profile in Renaissance Dress" =
This fingerprint is genuinely Leonardo--art price soars!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WATSON: "Holmes, I have a stomach ache. What do you think the problem is?"
HOLMES: "Alimentary, my dear Watson."
=
WATSON: "Ah, a postman. He may use the smart back door."
HOLMES: "Oh, which, yellow? Admit I have... it's a lemon entry."

Adie Pena with:
British Government Considers Mandating Plastic Pint Glasses =
Scrapping violent ministers getting smashed in Scotland bars.

Dharam Khalsa with:
'So You Think You Can Dance' flash: contestant exposes herself on national TV =
Heh, look at FOX channel's nasty uncut video of a nasty pantiless scene (or not?)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Earthquakes strike the Indonesian Island of Sumatra =
FEMA readiness on distant quest? Ha! Hours, like Katrina.

Adie Pena with:
Cargill's "American Chef's Selection Angus Beef Patties" =
Meanest E. coli in classic burger affects gal Stephanie.

Rosie Perera with:
Fingerprint unmasks recently auctioned painting as "La Bella Principessa" by Leonardo da Vinci =
If an optical scan stunningly revealed an original and superbly crisp masterpiece, I'd bank on it!

Rosie Perera with:
American Institute of Life-Threatening Illness and Loss =
Terminal disease thence fulfills organisation's intent.

Rosie Perera with:
"We have met the enemy and he is us," (Cartoonist Walt Kelly) =
He lays title on monumental Earth Day sketches we view.

View with:
I am confident that I made decisions based on principle, that I made calls as best I could, and I did not sell my soul. (GW Bush)=
I'm still stupid as I had been before. I acceded odd hold, miscalculated all my intentions, actions, aims and points. (GW Bush)

Adie Pena with:
Damn hell, people! Criticisms and old soles fly as Bush admitted to a mad audience an idiotic, nonsensical tidbit: ~

"I am confident that I made decisions based on principle, that I made calls as best I could, and I did not sell my soul."

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
Conspiracy theorists reuse the medieval seer's manipulated terms.

2nd - Paul Lusch with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
Supreme master seer devises predictions that seem hallucinatory.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
I must have seen a people's destiny: disaster tales, much terror, crime...

Larry Brash with:
The presented results are summarised as mostly choice naive tripe.

Adrian Hickford with:
Let's see the Sun-Oracle's impressive prediction summary data there.

View with:
Thru time, apical time, hundreds years I see most relevant processes

Paul Pan with:
Sorcerer, he suavely predicted Hitler's SS state, Osama, Putin, Eminem!

Tony Crafter with:
I see prime disasters as truly demonic computers enslave the Earth.

Rosie Perera with:
A prediction in the past time surely must herald some severe scares.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Alas, a medieval seer's themes decipher to my current superstitions.

Dharam Khalsa with:
And it seems the seer's peculiar predictions may reveal some truths.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A dual curiosity:
Later events I see
Can impress them
Or depress them.

Larry Brash with:
Events he predicts may still come true, not, he said, as a mere surprise.

Larry Brash with:
Reveals the usual hysterics. Dreams, predictions, omens, permeate it.

Ellie Dent with:
Impressive soothsayer miscalculated; then, reinterpreted, amuses.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The pessimist reader mulls death; an optimist can see sure recovery.

View with:
His surveys - America, Europe, Presidents, committees...and all the rest

Dharam Khalsa with:
S'il vous pla”t, monsieur, the dreams cited here seem scary at present!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus
=
I'm clever, mysterious, understated seer or cheat in hapless pastime?

Rosie Perera with:
America's revered, Russia's reunited, Spain settles. Oh, complete myth!

View with:
Oh dear me! It is tremendous year as superscript tells achievements.

Dharam Khalsa with:
My astute computer search reports he sees details in divine realms.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The manuscript
Revealed a script;
Unloosed as rhymes
Eeriest times.

Rosie Perera with:
Most divine Master,
You inspire,
Tell, esteem seers' trade...
Ha!
Such crap!

David Bourke with:
The evil Peter Mandelson creates a Euro Superstate. "Dismiss him!" cry.

Paul Lusch with:
Man studies his cryptic literature -- phrases seemed to reveal omens.

Adrian Hickford with:
He scries at demise, promises curse, misadventure, all to pay the rent.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The U.S. Postal Service created a postage stamp with a picture of ex-president George W. Bush to commemorate his achievements.
In use, it has been shown that the stamp is not sticking at all to the envelope. This enraged the former president, who demanded
a full investigation.

=

After a month of extensive tests, the appointed committee was able to draw up, then give 'what's-his-name' harsh conclusive results:

1) The custom stamp is in perfect order and is legitimate.
2) There is no damage to the adhesive glue on the back.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Married Irishman James O'Malley went into the confessional and said to his Catholic priest, 'I've nearly had an affair with another woman.'

His priest said, 'What do you mean, nearly?'

O'Malley said, 'Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed together, but then we stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together's the same as putting it in. You're not to see this woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put Û50 in the church poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly dashed over to him saying, 'Hey, one moment! You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yes, but I rubbed the Û50 on it, and according to you, that's the same as puttin' it in!'

=

Seamus Muldoon lived on his own in the Irish countryside with his pet setter, Bobby, as his only companion.

One day Bobby died, so Muldoon went to his priest and inquired, 'Father, my dog has expired. Would ya be sayin' a Mass on Sunday for the poor creature?'

'No, I am afraid I won't,' tutted Father Patrick irritably. 'We cannot have a Mass in the church for an expired animal; but there is that Baptists' union down the lane, and there's no sayin' what nonsense those people believe in. I suppose they may organise something appropriate for the animal.'

Muldoon said, 'That's great! I'll go there right away, Father. I have Û5,500 on me. Do ya think that's enough to donate to them for puttin' on the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't you tell me the dog was a Catholic?'

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, that talented creator of the world-famous and very popular, hook-nosed Victorian detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not averse to relating tales about himself in which he could often be the laughing-stock.

Here is just one of those stories.

As he relates it, he was waiting patiently at a taxi-stand outside the railway station in the capital city of France, Paris.

When a taxi pulled up, he put his suitcase in it and got in himself.

He was about to tell the taxi-driver where precisely he wanted to go, when the driver asked him, "Where can I take you now, Mr. Doyle?"

The astonished Doyle asked the taxi-driver if he knew him by sight. The cab driver said, "No no, Sir, really, I have never, ever, seen you before."

Doyle asked him what made him think that he was actually Conan Doyle.

The driver replied:

=

"The newspaper today had alluded to your vacation in Marseilles. This taxi-stand is where all those who visit, and come from there, always wait.

Added to which, the deeper tone of the skin leads me to believe that you have been on vacation.

While that small black ink-spot I see on your right-hand index finger, suggests that you are perhaps a writer.

Whilst your apparel is a bit like the English, with tweeds, even a cloak with matching deerstalker hat... unlike the French kind.

When I've reviewed all these pieces of information, facts, I deduce that you are indeed Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

Doyle said, "By Jove, that is hellish clever. Bravo! What next! I see you are a counter-part to my fictional Sherlock Holmes."

"There is one other thing" added the taxi-driver.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Swedish Proverb

Adie Pena with:
"So getting people's hands off their phones and onto their steering wheels is going to make a big difference in road safety. The 'Hands-Free' cell phone bill will save lives by making our roads safer. I want to thank Senator Simitian for authoring this bill and for his commitment to the safety of his fellow Californians."~
Arnie effused as he himself officially signed said form on the stand years ago.

No! Some talk though that his foolish wife Maria Shriver was still seen not following the pertinent cell phone orders.

"Thanks for bringing her violations to my attention," a miffed Arnie snapped. "There's going to be swift action. I'll be back!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
When a corporation recently performed a password cache audit, it was revealed that the blonde secretary
had been using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

~

Annoyed, a manly policy reviewer asked, "What would prompt you to find such an unwieldy codeword?"

The eager blonde office employee answered in surprise, "Oh, it had to be at least eight characters long!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Get Motivated!" business seminar in Fort Worth: Send your entire office for only nineteen dollars - Not per person, but per office!
=
Inspirational convention feebly offers deep discounts for one, ten, fifty, or more entrepreneur admirers to listen to GW Bush!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
October - Robert Frost

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE DISOBEDIENT WIFE.

A police officer pulls over a speeding car, and says, 'I clocked you exceeding the speed limit at ninety miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Hell, officer I had it on cruise control at sixty, perhaps that radar gun needs calibrating?'

Not looking up from her knitting the man's wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know this car does not have cruise control.'

As the officer is writing out the ticket, the driver looks at his wife and hisses, 'Martha, can you please keep that big mouth shut for a change?'

The wife smiles demurely and replies, 'And you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glares at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, why don't you just keep your stupid mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'Oh yes, and I notice that you are not wearing your seat belt, sir. That is an automatic seventy-five pound fine.'

The man says, 'Oh... well, see officer, I had it on, but I had to take it off when you pulled me over so I could get my licence out of my wallet.'

The wife says, 'Now, now dear, we both know full well that you definitely didn't have the seat belt on. And, indeed, you never wear it when you're driving.'

Then, while the police officer is writing out the third ticket the man turns to his wife again and barks, 'OH, HELL, MARTHA! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!?'

The officer looks at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, madam?'

'Only when he's pissed.'

=

THE OBEDIENT WIFE.

There was a successful man, who'd worked all his life, saved up lots of cash, and was really miserly when it came to money.

Just before he died, he told his servile wife, "After I've gone, I want you to go and round up all my money, and put it in the coffin with my body so I can take it to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise with all her heart, that after he died, she would definitely not forget to put the money in the coffin. "I won't," she assured him.

Soon afterwards, he passed away.

The day before the funeral, he lay stretched out, lifeless, in a velvet-lined coffin. His sorrowful wife sat nearby - dressed in black - with her trusty friend, Katy, sitting next to her. When they'd paid their respects, and the funeral undertakers were getting ready to close the coffin, the wife said, "Sorry... could you wait for just a minute?"

She produced a small wooden box, which she carried over and put in the casket. Then the undertakers' assistants locked the coffin and rolled it away.

"My goodness, Ursula!" her friend said, "Surely you weren't foolish enough to put all of that money in with your husband's body?"

Ursula replied, "Look, Katy, you know I'm not an unscrupulous person, I'm a good, giving Christian; I couldn't go back on my word. I promised that I was going to put the money in the casket with him."

"Sorry... you mean to tell me you've actually put the cash in the casket?" said Katy.

"I have," said the wife. "I got it all together as asked, put it into my bank account, and wrote him a check... If he can cash it, then he can have it."

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A Sonnet Upon Sonnets

Tony Crafter with:
Ruby Tuesday

Ellie Dent with:
Tears, Idle Tears

The Anagrammy Awards

OCTOBER 2009 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY