APRIL 2010 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Dreaming about death ~
due to a bad nightmare.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
They're bad news =
Debts anywhere.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
An emeritus professor =
Famous person retires.

Rosie Perera with:
Software "Easter egg" =
A wee gag for testers.

Adie Pena with:
Appropriateness ~
is "proper, sane, apt."

View with:
Gender equality =
Quite legendary.

Adie Pena with:
Kleptomaniacal =
A mall in a pocket? ;-)

Rick Rothstein with:
Having a senior moment =
I'm an oversight on "name".

Scott Gardner with:
Senior prom date =
Person to admire.

Rick Rothstein with:
An eating disorder =
Deride as ignorant.

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Cost reduction at a hair stylist =
Consider it cut (to salary, that is!)

Rosie Perera with:
The social media =
So I had email, etc.

Rosie Perera with:
Too much information =
I cram foot in mouth, no?

Dharam Khalsa with:
The neurological surgeon ~
gains true college honour.

Rosie Perera with:
The neurological surgeon ~
cuts along our heel region.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A home observatory =
Oh boy, a star over me!

View with:
Gee, a SMS ~
message!

Christopher Sturdy with:
A tricky user is ~
a security risk.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
An emeritus professor ~
retires from no pauses

Adie Pena with:
Impotence is nature's way of saying "No hard feelings!" =
Aware my fine used point has increasingly gone soft!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The religious head covering =
A clue she'd give to her origin.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Religious head coverings ~
cool a virgin's huge desire.

Meyran Kraus with:
A religious date =
I see a God ritual.

Meyran Kraus with:
Nearing dusk=
Ensuing dark.

Ellie Dent with:
The religious festival =
Features holiest vigil.

David Bourke with:
Speaking in a rather silly foreign accent =
Talking Spanish in France, Italy, or Greece.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"There's no such thing as old age, there is only sorrow." =
Oh, so one youngster, childish now, has regrets later.

Rosie Perera with:
Bitter divorce proceedings =
Poor bride gets nice verdict.

Adie Pena with:
Paedophilia
I'd hail a Pope.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Living beyond your means =
I ruled by saving no money.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Agatha Christie's 'Mysterious Affair at Styles' =
As a first case for my sleuth, I say it's a great hit!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There =
The touching tale of a gal's hikes through Wonderland.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Harry Potter series' final movies =
A hero inspires for the very last time.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Wardrobe malfunction =
Rerun of an act mid-Bowl.

View with:
The 'Alice in Wonderland' story =
A child enters inane toy-world.

Adie Pena with:
Gustav Holst's orchestral suite "The Planets" =
That totals seven (sic)! Less Earth, Pluto? Shrug.

Scott Gardner with:
Italian sculptor Verrocchio (Andrea di Cione) =
Oil-painter coach recruits Leonardo da Vinci.

Ellie Dent with:
'The Siren's Song' by William Browne ~
is when mariners listen... go wobbly!

Adie Pena with:
The producers Trey Parker and Matt Stone =
Partners met; do create trendy "South Park."

Scott Gardner with:
Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There =
Huge "White Knight" tale of an author, Charles L. Dodgson.

Scott Gardner with:
Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There =
Oh, walking through reflection has astounded the gal!

Adie Pena with:
Host Conan O'Brien ~
on TBS. A nice honor!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
'How to Train Your Dragon' =
No-tooth guy and warrior.

Tony Crafter with:
William Shakespeare's 'Macbeth' ~
whimpers, "Hell, I am a basket-case!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
William Shakespeare's 'Macbeth' =
Ah, witches make pals miserable!


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Poland's president =
Plane's drop ends it.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Muslim group warns 'South Park' creators of death =
USA authors draw results from mocking a prophet.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Chaos: havoc on airlines =
Ooh! Volcanic ash is near!

Rosie Perera with:
Religion of ~
foreign oil.

Ellie Dent with:
Snow in the Springtime =
Men spot winter is nigh?!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Beautiful pink blossoms in the apricot trees =
So sublime, but people think a frost is certain!

Ellie Dent with:
This Easter weekend ~
weakens the dieters!

View with:
Aral Sea disaster =
As last area dries

Rosie Perera with:
Nuclear Posture Review =
Previous truce renewal.

Rosie Perera with:
Obama signs nuclear arms treaty ~
as arrangement to calm Russia by

Adie Pena with:
Sixteen flamingos =
Fox ingests in meal!

Adie Pena with:
The Polish president is killed in plane crash =
Lech and his nine people perish. It's still dark.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Lose the late President of Poland, Lech Kaczynski ~
in plane crash that killed dozens of key Poles etc.

David Bourke with:
UKIP's slogan "Sod the lot!" =
"Sunk at the polls" is good.

View with:
The largest Icelandic volcano =
Local coned site retching lava!

Scott Gardner with:
Iceland volcano =
Lava in cold cone.

Tony Crafter with:
Personal holiday travel insurance =
An ash-peril is naturally covered... no?

Rosie Perera with:
The volcano eruption in Iceland =
One pilot in run: "I've had to cancel."

Ellie Dent with:
The Icelandic volcano: Eyjafjallajokull =
Jolly fun: I can eject a chill old lava (A joke?!)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Celebrating "Earth Day" =
Charitably green date.

Adie Pena with:
The Deepwater Horizon oil drilling platform =
How a dozen'll die from peril in that petrol rig.

David Bourke with:
Dreaming about a better life =
Labour, bitter in mega defeat!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. President Obama =
I'm not a desperate Bush!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Susan Magdalane Boyle =
Sadly, so unmanageable.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Professional golfer Tiger Woods =
Portfolio of seasoned girls grew .

Adie Pena with:
The star Sophia (Sofia Villani Scicolone) Loren =
Professional, classic, hot Italian, no? I love her!

View with:
Mister Carlos Slim Helu =
I, richest male, roll sums

Nikola Zivanovic with:
Serbian football player Milos Krasic =
Profitable CSKA salary - more billions!

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
The fascist Hermann Wilhelm Goering =
Fact is, he's the grim German, now in Hell!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Baroness Ashton of Upholland =
Bland European's no flash hotshot

David Bourke with:
His Eminence Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone =
Celibate Christian, so romance reined-in!

Adie Pena with:
Boris the Mayor of London =
Nest of hair, bloody moron!

David Bourke with:
Nicholas William Peter Clegg =
"I grew, smell political change!"

David Bourke with:
Kimberly Noel Kardashian =
I only had remarkable skin!

Ellie Dent with:
Edith Wharton, an author(ess) =
Ah, another word enthusiast!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Manuel Noriega =
Genuine amoral

Dharam Khalsa with:
President of the United States Barack Obama =
Fed makes a burnt-bread toast to his patience.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - View with:
Great city of London =
Only detraction - fog

2nd - David Bourke with:
The Liberal Democrats' manifesto =
"Hot damn! Let's fabricate more lies!"

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Written to ~
on Twitter.

Adie Pena with:
Area Fifty-One, Southern Nevada =
Never heard of an UFO at any site.

Tony Crafter with:
The League Against Cruel Sports =
Social hunter's greatest plague.

Adie Pena with:
The Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, California =
Cold fog rising. I can't see or feel a darn thing in a cab!

Adie Pena with:
Nutriset's Plumpy'nut ~
must supply nutrient!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Florida Peninsula =
I help for ideal suntan

Adie Pena with:
The Mayor of London =
Hand me no Tory fool!

Adie Pena with:
"Land of the Midnight Sun"? =
He must do "Finland" thing!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Waseda University =
Asian study review

David Bourke with:
One recent "G'day!" confirms ~
Foreign Accent Syndrome!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Boston and London Marathons =
Both handle mass on trot ... on and on!

Adie Pena with:
Monsignor Luiz Marques Barbosa =
"Oral quiz" on bum. So embarrassing!

Rosie Perera with:
Stored Communications Act =
Democratic nation's custom

Dharam Khalsa with:
Security and Exchange Commission =
Rich guys in command see sex action.

Rosie Perera with:
The Military Religious Freedom Foundation =
Oh, our inert idea for a Muslim to feel dignity.

Ellie Dent with:
A Decree Absolute =
See a tear? Could be...

Rosie Perera with:
Graduate Certificate in Thanatology =
I can cogitate on a liturgy after death.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Toyota brand =
Batty on the road!

Meyran Kraus with:
Toyota's brand new vehicles =
One wasted by violent crash.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Man to girlfriend: "I've got a full set of three Olympic condoms, and I shall wear the gold one first. Chances are, you're ~ in for a hit, gold-medalist performance!"

Girl (frostily): "Tell you what, use the silver one and come second for a change."

2nd - David Bourke with:
The golfer Tiger Woods finishes in fourth place at the Masters in Augusta =
It's a par first game round though...seeing he was a little stiff on the course!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A guy walked into a bar with this mutt, saying he could talk. "Get me a beer and watch." "Fido, what is that above us?" The dog said "ROOF!" =
"Who was an ace guy at baseball?" "RUTH!" (Fact - got it!) The barman, Ted, threw the two out. Fido asked: "Ya think I should've said DiMaggio?"

Adie Pena with:
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... it's about learning how to dance in the rain." =
But it's wrong; another basic inane tale, too. I first got wet -- and also pneumonia for this shit!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." - Lewis Carroll
=
1. Bossy hare
2. Massive deep hole
3. Extreme fall
3. Wise worm
4. Tabby is invisible
6. Sticks are flamingos

Adie Pena with:
Charles and John Wesley's sacred song "Christ the Lord Is Risen Today" =
Dear crowd sings, "Lynched on the cross; and shall rise this Easter. Joy!"

Rosie Perera with:
Women Arrested for Trying to Take Dead Relative on Plane =
"Dear Pat, Never take remains flying. We don't tolerate odor!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Pablo Picasso said, "Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth." =
I said: "I look up at abstract shapes; thus, the real materializes."

Tony Crafter with:
The Prime Minister Gordon Brown's position is untenable? =
New Labour's tormented boss is in the mire? Ripping notion!


David Bourke with:
A general election is called on Thursday the sixth of May =
The Daily Mail analyses: "That once-cheerful Gordon exits!"

David Bourke with:
The National Air Traffic Control Service has closed all airports =
A terrorist threat? April fools? In fact, no...Icelandic ash covers all!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Monsieur Hercule Poirot and Captain Arthur Hastings =
Lone actors pair up on murder hunts in Agatha Christie

Dharam Khalsa with:
World Peoples' Summit on Climate Change and the Rights of Mother Earth =
Photos confirm the higher (damn hot!) temperatures melted glacial snow.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
"But Guy's heart slept under the violets on Muriel's grave." (from Edith Wharton's "April Showers") =
Peter vows undying love
To merit Ella's trust,
Then he dumps her for Iris
(Who has a larger bust).

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"But Guy's heart slept under the violets on Muriel's grave." (from Edith Wharton's "April Showers")=
Unsung promises
That we hold so dear,
Through many bitter hurts
A first love will persevere.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
"But Guy's heart slept under the violets on Muriel's grave." (from Edith Wharton's "April Showers")=

My Words

O, Sun - her glow,
A vital blush!
It moderates
The fervent rush;
Ergo, the lips
Return a sip.


Adie Pena with:
Stings of a hurt heart,
Moments through her eyes;
Worlds will rip us apart
But love never dies.

View with:
Wish for superb, endless love?
Her sweet immortal love?
Up your heart -
High and trusting start!

Adie Pena with:
Got thoughts we both relish:
My desires will never
Part and perish...
Our autumns last forever.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A poem: "Endless Love" -
In pursuit thereof,
All starry grows
The thriving red rose.

(But what mush!)

Dharam Khalsa with:
He sought endless love
From the sorry priest above;
Trusting and pure,
His wrath will mature.

Ellie Dent with:
Though we must part, she
And I, for sorry
Time here rushing past,
True love bonds will ever last.



Rosie Perera with:
Two hearts beat as one,
Two lives interspun,
Hot lips, thus firmly urged.
Hurrah! Lovers merged.



Nikola Zivanovic with:
I'm living in the future,
But my lover's are the past;
Her world's progressed,
Honour was the last.


David Bourke with:
Supremes diva Diana
Plus Lionel, two together;
This rhythm's the result:
Brown sugar, forever!


Ellie Dent with:
Mute as grass it grew,
As the shy purple bloom
With thirst for rain; true
Love should never end.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Despite hell or high waters,
Or the stormy seas,
Untroubled, unwavering,
Love's raft triumphs.

View with:
Hurray, God's love is timeless, right, fresh, true!
Lord's love is upbeat truth, an open warmth, new!

Ellie Dent with:
Oh, for Spring, as in past.
Why, he married her. Must
see her go - turn to dust.
But love will ever last .

Dharam Khalsa with:
April Theme

Ever
New
Dauntless
Light by
Eros.
Sun warmth,
Star
Light;
Oh, proud
Virtues of
Eros.

Ellie Dent with:
The Spring, Summer, Winter
while hours hurry past,
get old ... so end, alas,
but LOVE, that is FOREVER.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Whereas, true love is:
- Trust
- Humility
- Goodness
- Warmth
- Laughter
- Partnership bond
Over self.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Slight hum is heard
In web result's words:
"Open up your heart,
From the start...
Everlasting Love."

Christopher Sturdy with:
Prog-lovers blogs hurt less
than the days to write 'em,
whereas purer love
hurts ad infinitum.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Who says the Chinese don't have a sense of humour?

Two British businessmen were sitting down for a break in their shortly-to-be opened shop. As yet though, the shop wasn't properly ready - it had no stock and only one shelf had been put up.

One man said to the other, 'I'll just bet that any minute, some damned idiotic tourist is going to come by, stick his face through that door, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner had the words left his mouth than, as predicted, a curious Chinese tourist peered in through the open door. In a thick Chinese accent, he asked, 'So, what you sell?'

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'

Without missing a beat, the Chinaman said, 'You doing velly well, only two left!'

=

Three dead bodies turned up at a mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.

The Coroner called the police to inform them what had happened.

The Coroner told the Inspector: 'First body: Angelo Elana, a stereotype Italian, died of heart failure while with his new mistress. Hence, as you see, the enormous smile.'

'Second body: Angus Jackson. Scottish, won twenty-two thousand pounds on the National Lottery but wasted it on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning; hence the insane smile.'

The Inspector asked, 'How about the third body?'

'The most unusual one of all,' said the Coroner: Seamus O'Shaugnessy, Irish, struck by lightning.'

'So, why's he smiling?' asked the Inspector.

'Thought he was having his photo taken!'

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept off and on during most of the class. One day her teacher, a nun, called on her to answer a question while she was sound asleep. "Tell me Susie, who created the universe?"

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny, who was her friend sitting behind her, took his No. 2 pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

Susie leaped up and shouted, "God Almighty!"

The nun remarked, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the nun asked Susie, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny stuck her in the butt.

"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Susie.
~
The incredulous nun enthused, "You're right! Success! Hallelujah!"

But Susie, our still-drowsy schoolgirl, had soon returned to her nap.

Observing this, the relentless nun chose to ask the unaware student a new question: "Susie, answer this...What did Eve say to Adam after she had borne his twenty-third child?"

Nevertheless, Johnny again rescued his friend just in time, poking the sharp No. 2 pencil in her ass. Distressed Susie jumped to action, swore, and bellowed, "If you stick that thing in me once more, I will break it in half!!"

(The classmates all stood and cheered in a chorus of laughter, but the outdone nun had a sudden nosebleed.)

3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN BUSHISMS: The Stupidest Things The Former U.S. President George W. Bush Has Ever Said

10. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

9. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

8. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."

7. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

6. "You work three jobs? Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." [to a divorced mother of 3]

5. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

4. "They misunderestimated me."

3. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"

2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

1. "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."

=

TEN OF THE MOST HUMOROUS APRIL FOOL'S DAY HOAXES

- Thanks to the rarity of an enemy (i.e., the spaghetti weevil), Swiss farmers had huge spaghetti crops.

- I see a rookie who pitches at 276.8 km/hour; joins New York Mets.

- A B-and-W set to receive transmissions in color with a nylon stocking over the screen.

- Yesterday, Taco Bell hinted that it bought the Liberty Bell! (Woo-hoo!)

- San Serriffe, a country in the Indian Ocean of many semicolon-shaped islands.

- Do you remember his roguery? An effete, odious Nixon (so, they see your same untrustworthy NOSE!) to run for president again with a new recommended slogan: "I did not do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." (My eye!)

- Southern state initiates the transmutation of pi from 3.14159 to a 'Biblical value' of 3.0.

- Burger King introduces a 'Left-Handed Whopper' for the numerous southpaws in our U.S. nation. (Tee-hee!)

- An eyewitness found a new squirmy genus: The hotheaded naked ice borer!

- Unique moon event causes a remote gravitational alignment; reduces the Earth's gravity.

Meyran Kraus with:
[A segment from "The Brand New Monty Python Bok"]

The Hackenthorpe Book of Lies contains over 60 million untrue facts and figures.

* Did you know that the reason why windows steam up in cold weather is because of all the fish in the atmosphere?
* Did you know that Moslems are forbidden to eat glass?
* Did you know that the oldest rock in the world is the famous Hackenthorpe Rock, in North Ealing, which is 2 trillion years old?
* Did you know that Milton was a woman?
* Did you know that from the top of the Prudential Assurance Building in Bromley you can see 8 continents?
* Did you know that the highest point in the world is only 8 foot?

THESE ARE JUST A FEW OF THE TOTALLY INACCURATE FACTS IN THE HACKENTHORPE BOOK OF LIES!

It's all in THE HACKENTHORPE BOOK OF LIES, a thorough and exhaustive source of misleading and untruthful information, compiled and edited by ex-Nobel Prizewinners Ron Hackenthorpe, Derek Hackenthorpe, Jeff "The Nozz" Hackenthorpe and Luigi V. Hackenthorpe. There are 4 handsomely bound volumes, which can be purchased individually, or in our 'Pack of Lies' gift set.

=

My Truthful Excuse

Look folks, I know I let a few of you down, but please understand, I couldn't help it! I was about to finish it, when Scarlett Johansson, an old friend of mine from school, rushed into the house and begged me for a night of hot, unnatural sex. I had to run out to buy some condoms, then recalled that my Porsche 804 is in the shop, so I phoned Kevin Bacon, which I've known since we co-directed that 'Citizen Kane' flick, and borrowed one of the 628 monster trucks he owns.

On the way to the store, though, I somehow ran over a small man, who then turned out to be the jockey scheduled to ride Secretariat's offspring in the Kentucky Derby. He broke his ankle, so I had to take his place and skillfully won by a mile, leading to a ceremony in which I was honored with a "Hero of the Hour" ribbon and a lifetime supply of kiwifruit. Unluckily, the photographers spooked the horse and it kicked me in the head, knocking out the part of my brain that contained all of the anagram and puzzle related functions.

And that is why I don't have a Long entry for April. That, and I also tripped over my penis.

Adie Pena with:
A bald old man, perhaps in his late seventies, slowly hobbled as he entered the ice cream parlor. After looking around, he wandered to the counter, then pulled himself painfully up onto a bright red stool. ~

After catching his breath, the pooped, pale troubled fellow ordered one large banana split. The lovely helpful blonde waitress named Molly asked, "Uh, crushed nuts?" "No," he replied in a monotone, "Arthritis."

Ellie Dent with:
Chirp and twitter

Dharam Khalsa with:
I walked into a neighbourhood bookstore and asked the distraught saleswoman, "Would you take me to the Self-Help section, please?"
~
The intense woman clerk shook her head 'no', adding, "Look, I would be glad to assist you, to make a sale, but it defeats the whole purpose!"


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Easter


2nd - Mike Keith with:
Three-Way Anagram Crossword Puzzle


3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Subject: HELL


Tony Crafter with:
A Dream Within A Dream


Rosie Perera with:
Spring is sprung


Dharam Khalsa with:
To keep your marriage brimming


Adie Pena with:
April Fool's Day


Dharam Khalsa with:
Spring - Gerard Manley Hopkins


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The females cast in a porn video ~
often have silicone-made parts.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
No broad liked ~
a broken dildo.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
A wet, cold rump? ~
Talcum powder.

View with:
Genital herpes =
Help, it enrages!

Tony Crafter with:
A genital-tickler =
Gnatlike article!

Christopher Sturdy with:
He's never satisfied =
I even fisted her ass!

Tony Crafter with:
Arabs greased ~
a badger's arse!

Rick Rothstein with:
In copulation, crave ~
a 'volcanic eruption'.


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