1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
The cigar consumer =
Cancer sure got him.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Fragrant diffuser sprays for use in the home =
Guy freshens up his room after a friend farts!
eq3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Presidential pardon =
Depart prison in deal.
eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? =
We said, "Only one, but she'll tighten it backwards." Boom!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Pharmaceutical advertisements ~
claim treatment, advise purchase.
Rick Rothstein with:
Pharmaceutical advertising =
TV ad: Their plan is a magic cure.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Pharmaceutical advertising ~
pitches a vital American drug.
Jesse Frankovich with:
A visible tragedy =
It's a very big deal.
Ellie Dent with:
Ignore trolls ~
or lots linger.
Adie Pena with:
Awesome mind ‡
Damn! Woe is me!
View with:
Is there life on Mars? =
It's aliens! From here!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Old saying: 'One man's trash is another man's treasure' =
A reason I hunt sh*t in many a damn gross resale store!
Rosie Perera with:
Ultimate maraschino pieces in ~
the Italian spumoni ice creams.
Rosie Perera with:
Eating breakfast in bed =
"Bare feet stink bad," I nag.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Eating breakfast in bed =
I grab at benefits naked.
Jason Lofts with:
The Islamic fundamentalists ~
enlist hated Muslim fanatics.
Tyler Severance with:
Absolute power =
Bow to pleasure.
Larry Brash with:
Pulmonary embolus =
My usual problem? No!
Rosie Perera with:
Don't beat yourself up over it =
"Not your fault, pet," I observed.
Jason Lofts with:
Fluorescent orange =
Gee, aren't colors fun?
Rick Rothstein with:
"A flatulence disorder?" =
"Candles deter foul air!"
Larry Brash with:
Releasing flatus =
See us all farting.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The old saying or apt idiom: "Once in a blue moon" =
A good but dim echo: "Nope, not in a million years!"
Jason Lofts with:
Cigarette industry =
Yes, it turned tragic.
Rosie Perera with:
The American cigarette industry =
It may generate cancer, thus rid it.
Jason Lofts with:
A garden designer =
Grand green ideas.
Jason Lofts with:
To rustle up ~
turtle soup.
Rick Rothstein with:
A flatulence disorder =
I dread real foul scent.
Larry Brash with:
A serotonin reuptake inhibitor =
It is to our inner brain... "take hope!"
Jason Lofts with:
Predictive anagram =
Never paradigmatic.
Tyler Severance with:
A damn shame =
He's a madman!
David Bourke with:
How many David Camerons does it take to screw in a light bulb? =
I'm sorry David, change isn't allowed...as the EU mob won't back it.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Tony Blair's autobiography 'A Journey' =
'Our Years in a Top Job' by a lying author.
2nd - Mark Huffman with:
"Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice" =
"Us? Bravest two DC men, in fun pajamas!"
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope =
We arise, stop Vader, his weapon.
Adie Pena with:
Rock group 'Blood, Sweat and Tears' =
Band to also produce great works.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Dr. Seuss' children's story "Green Eggs and Ham" =
Listeners gag "Gross!" and hens shudder "Mercy!"
Rob Bretveld with:
"The Walking Dead" television series =
Hostile devils die, reawaken, ingest.
David Bourke with:
The American model Karlie Kloss =
"Killer looks!", said the cameramen.
db with:
The Miles Davis L.P. recording 'Kind of Blue' =
Bill Evans performed on it, did huge licks!
Snafu I'll Jot with:
The most famous Whistler portraits are ~
white or of the artist's Mum or a pert lass.
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Senate Republicans =
True incapableness.
2nd - Dean Mayer with:
Lufthansa pilots =
That painful loss.
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Germanwings co-pilot, Andreas Lubitz =
Pilot Two indulging brazen massacre.
Jason Lofts with:
The murdered Russian politician Boris Nemtsov =
A vicious stern mobster (Putin?) ordered him slain.
Maurice Goddard with:
Friday March thirteenth is soon approaching! =
Threat is, horrific things may, can, or do happen?
Jason Lofts with:
Ferguson Police Department =
Resentment; cop group failed.
Rosie Perera with:
A Han Solo trip: "I am cut in impact near ~
the Santa Monica Municipal Airport."
Rosie Perera with:
Boko Haram Pledges Allegiance To ISIS =
Compare goals: it also likes beheading.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The Feast of Saint Patrick =
Fact's I seek a pint for that.
Adie Pena with:
Police Chief Thomas Jackson resigns =
The champion of classic jerks is gone!
Adie Pena with:
Boris Nemtsov =
Mobs rise on TV?
Dharam Khalsa with:
The speculations as to Vladimir Putin's whereabouts =
I sure doubt he went out to visit Ms. Sarah Palin's place!
View with:
Israelis =
IS is real!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The speculations as to Vladimir Putin's whereabouts =
Suppose it's nature - one must await a love child's birth!
Julian Lofts with:
The Tunis massacre =
Miscreants hate us.
Julian Lofts with:
The Tunisian massacre =
Sectarian enthusiasm?
Rick Rothstein with:
The Tunis massacre =
Ah nuts! It scares me!
Ellie Dent with:
The solar eclipse on the first day of Spring =
Reports here of instances of light display.
Rosie Perera with:
Putin Hosting Kim Jong Un =
So, jumping to unthinking?
Tony Crafter with:
Angelina has her ovaries, fallopian tubes removed ~
as a brave means to live longer (and is hopeful, I hear)
Jason Lofts with:
The Lufthansa subsidiary Germanwings =
Rash humans flying in Airbus get wasted.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Cops hunt for ‘Bowel Movement Bandit’ who poops on cars =
Oops! We'd inform the man, "Cut the crap! No poo blobs on VWs!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Cops hunt for ‘Bowel Movement Bandit’ who poops on cars =
On news: Poor oaf's bottom dumps brown patch on vehicle.
David Bourke with:
The singer Zayn Malik, he has quit One Direction =
The reason? In another sleazy midnight quickie.
Rosie Perera with:
The Germanwings airplane crash =
Grim news rang; heartache in Alps.
Julian Lofts with:
A depressed German co-pilot crashes plane in Alps =
Rash lapse, no signal, rapid descent, people scream.
Julian Lofts with:
A co-pilot's ~
so topical
Rosie Perera with:
The depressed Germanwings co-pilot was not "fit to fly" =
Went off costly meds, gets in power, spiraling to death.
Jason Lofts with:
Co-pilot had 'suicidal tendencies' =
His idiotic act, secluded on plane.
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Author Christopher E. Hitchens =
Atheist hero; he isn't pro-church.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The writer, Dr Maya Angelou =
Literary woman rated huge.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The British actor Daniel Wroughton Craig =
A routine Bond with character got his girl.
Jason Lofts with:
The Kardashian clan =
Hi, naked charlatans!
View with:
Ronda Rousey =
Or easy round.
Adie Pena with:
Boris Nemtsov =
Mobs rise on TV?
View with:
The actor Kevin Michael Costner =
Check one rich talent, movie star.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu =
Per Iran, his ultimate enemy is Iran.
Adie Pena with:
Pablo Martín Melitón de Sarasate y Navascués =
A noted master; a star because man plays violin.
David Bourke with:
Fiona Butler, the girl in the Athena tennis poster =
Titillating up there near the net...has no briefs on!
Julian Lofts with:
The Italian atheist and academic Umberto Eco is ~
both laureate/semiotician and media catechist.
Julian Lofts with:
The Russian President Vladimir Putin =
I'm surprised: isn't he a putrid venal nit?
Tony Crafter with:
Former pacifist leader Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi =
Grand Mahatma: "No crap, I had India freed from shackles!"
Julian Lofts with:
Singapore's Prime Minister Harry Lee Kuan Yew =
Lawyer, premier, superman, seniority - he's a king
Rosie Perera with:
Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz =
Craziest intrepid dude can't lead.
David Bourke with:
Khloé Kardashian =
Dial-a-Skank Ho, her!
Dharam with:
The Germanwings co-pilot Andreas Günter Lubitz =
Brazen suicidal plunge (got his treatment wrong).
Larry Brash with:
John Marwood Cleese =
Jocose old man... where?
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Presidential White House, Washington DC, America =
This residence has a man with huge power located in it.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The British Broadcasting Corporation =
It bins that rich, sardonic Top Gear boor.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Silk Road, the Asian Continent =
Links trade onto China in the East.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The United States Capitol Building =
A debt-cutting-dispute site on a hill.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Italian Spumoni Ice Cream =
Sicilian cone at a premium.
Jason Lofts with:
The new Alfa Romeo 4C Spider =
A 4-wheel car form to speed in.
Dharam Khalsa with:
South African band Die Antwoord =
Husband and wife act...radio or not.
Rick Rothstein with:
The new Alfa Romeo Spider =
Headline: Fast, more power.
Jason Lofts with:
Tesla Model S =
Some stalled.
Rick Rothstein with:
Those Senate Republicans =
Others see incapable 'nuts'.
Julian Lofts with:
Rolls Royce Wraith Drophead Coupe =
Car hype: "heroic power" - adults drool.
Dharam Khalsa with:
International Day of Happiness =
An appeal: No tension this Friday.
Rosie Perera with:
What does the term Vergangenheitsbewältigung mean? =
A German having guilt: "We gassed them?! No! Then we better..."
Jason Lofts with:
Lufthansa =
Shun! Fatal!
Rosie Perera with:
National Flood Insurance Program =
Plan for natural doom: rising ocean.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Paddy: "Oi found dis posh new Cartier pen, is it yours, Magrath?"
Magrath: "Oi don't know yet, show me it."
=
(tries out the pen) "Yep, it is moin for sure."
Paddy: "How do ya know?"
Magrath: "Cos dat's moi handwriting!"
2nd - Adie Pena with:
I am predicting that very soon the cyber giants Youtube, Twitter and Facebook will unite
~
in great countries to give birth to a publicly-traded site known by the name "YouTwitFace"!
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go!
=
May you summon not harm
'Bout but very good cheer,
As you swill a vast draught
O' green whisky or beer!
Maurice Goddard with:
Inside rural Britain's greener fresher woodlands,
Over this loveliest fantabulous time of Spring,~
Divine bluebells and fragrant primroses flower here.
'Tis Nature's glorious first Heaven I stood in.
Jason Lofts with:
A red setter is poisoned at the Crufts Dog Show, an owner claims =
Murder? Canine pathologist's food/water tests showed arsenic!
Jason Lofts with:
US tourists caught carving their names into Rome’s Colosseum =
Malicious acts! Grooves cut might sure ruin the Romans' stones.
Maurice Goddard with:
Vanuatu Reels From Devastation From Deadly Cyclone Pam =
One prays. A mad violent cruel fury came and left vast doom.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Dad buys Tesco bananas infested with spiders whose bite can cause four hour erections =
And see, our U.S. husbands wish to retire in Costa Rica and be affected by such sweet poison!
Julian Lofts with:
'Top Gear' Hosts
1. Jeremy Clarkson
2. James May
3. Richard Hammond
=
1. Mr 'Yahoo Dickhead'
2. Mr 'Lean Jargony Jests'
3. Mr 'Hampster's Coma'
Snafu I'll Jot with:
The four times platinum record 'Kind of Blue' is sublime =
Incredible funk album - his forte is melodious trumpet
1st - Tony Crafter with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because~
designer ethics say so. Call me a puny technophobe but I like wearing only basic gear."
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...
~
We are the Borg. You'll be linking data by occupying a machine. Resistance is hopeless.
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...."
=
Topical
Electric
Classy
Here (USA)
New, big
On eBay
Linked in,
Or has best
Game
Young, hip
Rosie Perera with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...."
=
Busy types, in haste, we all need a microchip in our bra, tie, leggings, each sock? Baloney!
Larry Brash with:
I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...
=
A nice watch, design either by Google or Apple... likely to be a success in brainy humans.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...."
~
"...it's easy. Any grown imbecile, like Inspector Gadget, can call his bureau by shoe phone!"
Christopher Sturdy with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...."
~
once it 'enhances my brain', I desire any rubbish you like. Google Glass, Apple Watch etc...
Maurice Goddard with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because ~
a cute booby shapely lass in a pink, crimson, blue, or green wig, is the eye-catching deal!"
Jesse Frankovich with:
I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...
=
Why bother really being smart, since space-age Glass doohickey I put on can be in lieu?
Adie Pena with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...."
=
Yes, we're aging considerably -- many sick people using bluetooth in basic healthcare.
Julian Lofts with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...." =
I'm heinous. I say wannabes are collecting rubbishy, hokey, electronic Apple gadgets
View with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because ~
ironically, we (rich plebeians) choose it, buy it, place 'n' hung gadgets on arms, beak, eyes!
Jesse Frankovich with:
I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...
~
it's merely a cool idea, though, being cynical, I cry, "NSA keeps tabs on us; beware helping!"
Maurice Goddard with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because ~
Hey! I'll swear by it! A 'check-chronic-snoring' obtainable gadget I use asleep up my nose!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because....
~
no one wishes to be held as urban laughingstock, especially by carrying a timepiece!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because....
~
...hell, the new gadget you can clip onto your eyeglasses can impress a rich bikini babe!"
Jason Lofts with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...." =
"I see you all yelling using bespoke chronometers with a screen and big capacity. Bah!"
Ellie Dent with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...."
=
In this busy, sociable cyber age, ladies, trying the new Apple magic enhances our look!
Maurice Goddard with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because.....~
...chat dopes like being accessible anywhere! In touch any time! A bug soon grips! Really!"
Rosie Perera with:
I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because....
=
We may basically need to be hyper-social, in touch in the sack, gab in our sleep! (Snigger!)
Rosie Perera with:
I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because...=
See, it's likely been around since the 1600s, eh? Large-phobic, I want a cool pygmy abacus ring!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because....
~
a hip accessory seems intriguing, baby. We'll declare a giant chunky iPhone obsolete!"
Rob Bretveld with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because..."
~
Shows such as "Knight Rider" became really appealing to beguile any boy into science.
David Bourke with:
"I think wearable technology is becoming increasingly popular these days because ~
chaps like eyeing-up nearby girls/women on a beach, shot in absolute digital secrecy!"
1st - Tony Crafter with:
HAVING THE LAST LAUGH
I went into a supermarket today for literally five or six minutes. When I came back out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Hey, pal, why not be reasonable and give a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing. So I called him a bigoted, pencil-necked Nazi stormtrooper. He glared at me and began writing another ticket for worn tyres!
So I asked him if his psychiatrist always makes him lie face down on the couch because he's so pug-ugly.
He finished the second ticket and slapped it on the windscreen alongside the first. Then he began to write out a third one!
This went on until he had slapped a total of five tickets on the windscreen... the more insults I fired off, the more he wrote.
But hey, I wasn't overly bothered. My car was parked around the corner.
=
HAVING THE LAST WORD
A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager were walking to lunch when they found a discarded oil lamp in the street.
The clerk picked it up, rubbed it and a genie spirit came out in a puff of smoke. The genie said, "I'm permitted to grant you three wishes, so I will give you one choice each."
"Me first!" cried the clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Then, poof! He was gone.
"Me next!" cried the rep. "I'd like to be in Hawaii, dancing on the beach with an endless supply of cocktails, and surrounded by dozens of stunning chicks attending to my every need." Poof! He was gone.
"Ok, now it's your turn," the genie said to their manager. The man replied, "Right, I want those two back at work after lunch."
The moral of the story is: Always let your boss have the first say.
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
A Selection of Twenty Two of The Most Beautiful and Most Momentous World Heritage Sites
1. Rapa Nui (Easter Island), Chile
2. Valletta
3. Yellowstone
4. Bagan, Myanmar (Burma)
5. Goreme National Park
6. Angkor, Cambodia
7. Acropolis, Athens, Greece
8. Petra
9. Galapagos Islands, Ecuador
10. Iguazu National Park, bordering...
11. The Great Barrier Reef
12. Hampi
13. Los Glaciares National Park, Argentina
14. Machu Picchu, Sacred City of the Incans, Cusco
15. Le Mont Saint-Michel, Lower Normandy, France
16. The Pyramids of Giza
17. The Serengeti, Tanzania
18. Sigiriya (Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon)
19. Tulum, Mexico
20. Venice, Italy
21. The Great Wall, China
22. The Taj Mahal, India
=
Rationale:
1. Gigantic Polynesian folklore deity figures (moai)
2. Malta seaport monuments
3. World's first (geothermal) National Park; redwoods
4. Stupa
5. Valley in Capadocchia, Turkey
6. Empire of Khmer
7. Ancient Greek citadel
8. Desert city
9. Archipelago; iguanas
10. ...Argentina and Brazil - turbulent waterfall
11. Ecosystem of coral
12. Hot India
13. Perito Mereno glacier
14. What a green 'Lost City'
15. Eleventh century abbey
16. Dozens of tombs, Great Sphinx
17. 'Maasai Mara', Tanzania, Africa
18. 'Lion Mountain'
19. Mayan ruins
20. Charismatic architectural masterpiece, lagoon, gondolas
21. 'Wanli Changcheng'
22. Shah Jahan's elite white marble mausoleum, Agra
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Top Ten Most Influential Scientists:
10. Marie Curie
9. Alan Turing
8. Niels Bohr
7. Max Planck
6. Charles Darwin
5. Leonardo da Vinci
4. Galileo Galilei
3. Nikola Tesla
2. Albert Einstein
1. Sir Isaac Newton
=
10. Radioactive insight
9. AI machine test
8. Nuclear notions
7. His radiation law
6. A life explanation
5. Brilliance, skill, designs
4. An abler telescope
3. Alternating current
2. M-E link, rules
1. Motion laws
Jason Lofts with:
How Heavy The Days
How heavy the days are.
There is not a fire that can warm me,
Not a sun to laugh with me,
Everything bare,
Everything cold and merciless,
And even the beloved, clear
Stars look desolately down,
Since I learned in my heart that
Love can die.
=
Very economical yet evocative verse by the author Hermann Karl Hesse,
who was awarded so many worthy accolades in his heyday.
He wrote Siddhartha, the unforgettable, divinely ethereal novel
that advocated timeless learning and enlightenment.
Ellie Dent with:
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was
an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was mightily impressed, so much so he offered to buy the duck there and then from its owner.
After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for ten thousand bucks for the duck and pot.
=
Five days later, the circus owner goes back to the bar, incandescent with rage.
'Look, your duck I bought's an absolute rip-off! That act's worthless, a dead loss in fact. Why, we went downtown,
I put him on the damn pot before an audience, waited... and he wouldn't dance a single step!'
The duck's former owner then asked 'So, did you remember to light a candle under the pot?'
Adie Pena with:
The 10 Best Spring Break Destinations, North America*
1. Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
2. Las Vegas, Nevada
3. ULTRA, Miami and South Beach, Florida
4. Panama City Beach, Florida
5. Cancun, Mexico
6. Habitat for Humanity: Collegiate Challenge, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
7. Daytona Beach, Florida
8. Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
9. Whistler Blackcomb, British Columbia, Canada
10. Lake Havasu, Nevada
=
1. A chichi Hollywood-meets-Barcelona feel
2. Bacchanalia in Sin City
3. Catch an electronic dance music festival!
4. My charming image at Club La Vela
5. Check out both Xcaret and Xel-Ha!
6. I am a volunteer; I am to build 10 houses.
7. Parasail, drink and grab that ample pair of boobs!
8. Dramatic Caribbean coastline
9. Ski and snowboard up in the mountains!
10. Find a catamaran along Sanbar Havasu.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Spencer Tracy:
"It is up to us to give ourselves recognition. If we wait for it to come from others, we feel resentful when it doesn't, and when it does, we may well reject it."
=
Witticism:
"Feelings of powerlessness are weeds we've politely invited to life's garden tract; therefore, in fierce action, we must cut them out to enjoy our own worth."
Dharam with:
Ted Cruz: Man or Myth
1. Born in Canada; then, that difficult citizenship was withdrawn
2. Rejects avocados, residing in a 'guacamole state'
3. Read 'Dr. Seuss' on stuffy Senate floor
4. Opposed terms of thrifty 'Affordable Care Act'; Texas still has highest uninsured population in US
5. Thinks the UN will eliminate golf
6. Opposes birthright of gay partners to wed
7. Voted against 'Violence Against Women Act'
8. 'Houston Chronicle' retracted their written endorsement in print
9. Thinks imprudent Jesse Helms was swell
10. Dismissed as inept nitwit by Latino voters (he's of Cuban descent!)
=
Top Ten Little-Known Facts About Ted Cruz
(from 'The David Letterman Show')
10. Was never elected to Congress, just started showing up
9. Loves his home country, and America
8. Not Mormon but still wears special underpants
7. Vows to stay in the race until offered a spot on 'Dancing With The Stars'
6. Filibusters in his sleep
5. 'Ted' is short for 'Tedium'
4. Uses teeth-whitening strips and hair-blackening strips
3. Already planning his next failed presidential bid
2. His wife affectionately refers to him as 'Ted Cruz'
1. Has just as good a chance of winning the Democratic party's nomination!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A STRANGE WILD SONG
By
Lewis Carroll
He thought he saw an Elephant
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
'At length I realize,' he said,
'The bitterness of life! '
He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister's Husband's Niece.
'Unless you leave this house,' he said,
'I'll send for the police! '
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of Next Week.
'The one thing I regret,' he said,
'Is that it cannot speak! '
He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
Descending from the bus:
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
'If this should stay to dine,' he said,
'There won't be much for us! '
He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a Coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was
A Vegetable-Pill.
'Were I to swallow this,' he said,
'I should be very ill! '
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four
That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a Head.
'Poor thing,' he said, 'poor silly thing!
It's waiting to be fed! '
He thought he saw an Albatross
That fluttered round the lamp:
He looked again, and found it was
A Penny-Postage Stamp.
'You'd best be getting home,' he said:
'The nights are very damp! '
He thought he saw a Garden-Door
That opened with a key:
He looked again, and found it was
A Double Rule of Three:
'And all its mystery,' he said,
'Is clear as day to me! '
He thought he saw a Argument
That proved he was the Pope:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bar of Mottled Soap.
'A fact so dread,' he faintly said,
'Extinguishes all hope! '
=
FINAL LEG
He thought he saw a peach that was
The same size as a truck
He looked again and found that it
Was Kim Kardashian's butt!
'I've never seen a peach,' he said,
'That's had a nip and tuck!'
He thought he saw a tiger shark
Perched there upon the stair,
He looked again and found it was
The wide-mouthed Cherie Blair.
'It's not a pretty sight,' he said,
'Thank God she isn't bare!'
He thought he saw a turtle on
Its hind-legs eating pie,
He looked again and found it was
The dreadful Stephen Fry.
'I do not like the guy.' he said,
'No matter how I try.'
He thought he saw some plasticine
Formed into something bland,
He looked again and found it was
The bug-eyed Miliband.
'If Ed should come to tea,' he said,
'Are bacon sarnies planned?'
He thought he saw a slab of meat
Draped round a pair of breasts,
He looked again and found that it
Was Lady Ga Ga's dress.
'Is that the Queen of Pop?' he said,
'She looks a bloody mess!'
He thought he saw a waxwork it
Was really very foul,
He looked again and found it was
A fading Simon Cowell.
'I see your Botox cream,' he said,
'Was laid on with a trowel!'
He thought he heard the Bee Gees
Sing falsetto in the night,
He looked again and found his under-
Pants were on too tight
'Get help!' he yelped, 'It feels as if
'Both balls are in a vice!'
He thought he saw a pop star dude
Who felt he was so cool,
But looked again and found it was
The wilful Bieber fool.
'I'll get a cop to cart him off,'
He yelled, 'the boy's a tool.'
He thought he saw a puffin
Down in Memphis, Tennesee
He looked again and found that it
Was Elvis up a tree.
'Though it's a ruddy noise,' he said,
'At least it's all for free!'
2nd - Adie Pena with:
PART TWO: NATURE
LXXXVIII
WE like March, his shoes are purple,
He is new and high;
Makes he mud for dog and peddler,
Makes he forest dry;
Knows the adder’s tongue his coming,
And begets her spot.
Stands the sun so close and mighty
That our minds are hot.
News is he of all the others;
Bold it were to die
With the blue-birds buccaneering
On his British sky.
=
EASTER EGGS
MMXV
I like March, he swooshed like a toad.
Lithe as the bunny;
Youthful as the shrewd Peter Rabbit,
Dogged and funny.
Interested, I miss her charms
Confounded. Around
Kind words which shatter the sad groom,
I got hardships, bound.
Next there is April, expecting
Soon it will be Easter.
"Open mother's basket," he shushed.
"Now I will kiss her!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
How Heavy The Days
How heavy the days are.
There is not a fire that can warm me,
Not a sun to laugh with me,
Everything bare,
Everything cold and merciless,
And even the beloved, clear
Stars look desolately down,
Since I learned in my heart that
Love can die.
=
Thank you
Conversely, I have survived;
To find solace is in my heart.
When that lovely new thing arrived,
Melancholy ceased; we may both restart.
Heartache can't hold me; I'm not downbeat,
Even healthy again, as old retiree;
The golden days shared are sweet.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
KISS ME, I'M IRISH
Gaelic Storm
Old songs and old stories,
They keep us alive.
Without our past,
We would never survive.
I am my island,
My island is me,
So you know what you can do
If you don't like what you see...
Kiss me, I'm Irish!
I am the wild rover.
My eyes they are smiling,
And I'm seldom sober.
I like my whiskey,
And I love to dance,
So if you're feeling as lucky as me, take a chance,
And kiss me, I'm Irish...
My heart beats a jig,
And me blood, it flows green.
I've been a rogue and a rambler
From ocean to sea.
And I like a Bevy,
Now and then, that I'll never deny.
But I only drink on the days of the week that end with a 'y'.
I'm no saint, I'm no sinner,
Of that there's no doubt.
I'll tell you the truth,
I am the one that your grandmother warned you about...
Dublin, Milwaukee, Cleveland and Cork,
Kerry, Chicago, Armagh, New York,
Belfast and Boston, Donegal and DC,
Raise your glasses and sing, sing, sing with me...
Kiss me, I'm Irish!
=
MAKE ME A SANDWICH
Garlic Item
Cold meats, cheese, and veggies,
They keep us alive.
Without the bread,
We would never survive.
I like Thousand Island,
Herbs and mayo and soy,
So you know what you can do
To my hunger destroy...
Make me a sandwich!
I'm abdominally greedy.
My tummy is rumbling,
I'm sesame seedy!
I like olive oil, dressing,
And I love my life,
So if you're sensing the feeling in me, take a knife,
And make me a sandwich...
My gut is so sore!
So I'll need a whole meal.
I like savory flavors
From okra to veal.
And I like a radish
Now and then, I will say.
But I only cook on the days of the week that end with a 'k'.
I'm obese, I'm not thinner,
Of this there's no doubt.
I'll tell you my chosen kinds
I shan't do without...
Monte Cristo, Hawaiian, Turkey on Toast,
Grinders and Gyros, Burritos and Roast,
Peanut Butter and Raisin Jelly,
Raise your slices and bring, bring, bring them to me...
Hurry, make me a sandwich!
Julian Lofts with:
Remember
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Miss Christina Georgina Rossetti
=
Dismember
Dismember them with your hunting knife,
Butcher them until they're dead.
Slash away, cut off the man's head.
Blood floods out, you end a life,
Decapitate them, hurt a wife.
Sate your own latent barbarous need:
Truth - men are gagging, bleed.
Dismember them, be very brutal, rife
Remove that head, shadowy Islamic state,
Video men's death repugnantly,
Torture your hostages with your weaponry.
Behead men, no room for error;
Mohammed rules an ugly war of terror.
No no, no, no - not yet more tyranny!
Footnoting, in remembrance, eternally:
Al-Sayyed, Sotloff, Haines, Gourdel, Henning, Foley.....
Rosie Perera with:
"May the luck of the Irish
Lead to happiest heights
And the highway you travel
Be lined with green lights.
Wherever you go and whatever you do,
May the luck of the Irish be there with you."
=
St. Patrick's Day
There were three leprechauns from Galway,
who loved to hide in the hallway.
They'd give the devout
kegs of imbibing throughout.
Hehe! Hie, hie hither, youth! Unity always!
Adie Pena with:
PART TWO: NATURE
LXXXVIII
WE like March, his shoes are purple,
He is new and high;
Makes he mud for dog and peddler,
Makes he forest dry;
Knows the adder’s tongue his coming,
And begets her spot.
Stands the sun so close and mighty
That our minds are hot.
News is he of all the others;
Bold it were to die
With the blue-birds buccaneering
On his British sky.
=
EASTER EGGS
MMXV
I like March, he swooshed like a toad.
Lithe as the bunny;
Youthful as the shrewd Peter Rabbit,
Dogged and funny.
Interested, I miss her charms
Confounded. Around
Kind words which shatter the sad groom,
I got hardships, bound.
Next there is April, expecting
Soon it will be Easter.
"Open mother's basket," he shushed.
"Now I will kiss her!"
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Erections in sleep =
Penile secretions.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Happy scorer ~
pops a cherry.
3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Man tugs on erect ~
tumescent organ.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The United States Capitol Building =
Institutional place budgeted shit.
Julian Lofts with:
The United States of America =
A fee satiated her moist cunt
Rick Rothstein with:
In the Sodomite Suppression Act, ~
it inspires, "Do not come up the ass!"
Rick Rothstein with:
The male's fantasies =
A female... tits n' ass, eh?
Adie Pena with:
Intimately renounce ~
an untimely erection!
Larry Brash with:
A box of tissues ~
If so, sex's about!
View with:
Penis enters the vagina =
Is penetrating heavens!
>