April 2015 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Fine print at the bottom =
Often the important bit!

2nd - David Bourke with:
It's very plain to see ~
I.S. are violent types.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Disneyland theme park =
Damn kids a-plenty here!

Adie Pena with:
Facebook timeline =
Life became OK on it.

View with:
The masterpieces =
Epic arts! See them!

Scott Gardner with:
The professional pediatrician ~
or: I ease pain for child patients.

Scott Gardner with:
The medical professional =
Licensed me for a hospital

Christopher Sturdy with:
Beautiful girl (no tart) =
Got a brilliant future.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Rock singers =
King scorers.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The medical practitioner =
He'd report time at a clinic.

Christopher Sturdy with:
serious thought =
righteous shout

Rosie Perera with:
A transgender individual =
And I'd venture "Dan" is a girl!

Scott Gardner with:
Male androgyne =
Gender anomaly.

Scott Gardner with:
The sex reassignment procedure =
Can express his true gender to me.

Rosie Perera with:
The transgender community =
Men in drag, yet such torment.

Julian Lofts with:
Sleight of hand =
Fondles a thigh.

Larry Brash with:
Read the Product Information =
Important education for herd.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Movie theatre =
Eat here & vomit.

Larry Brash with:
Using sleep hygiene =
Guy seeing nil sheep.

Larry Brash with:
Parkinsons Disease =
Ask: is pensioner sad?

Rosie Perera with:
Beautiful spring flowers =
So, blue stuff grew in April.

Tony Crafter with:
No visible means of support =
An obvious floppiness term?

Rosie Perera with:
Definition of "corporate campus" =
For-profit education companies.

Ellie Dent with:
Frosty wind do moan =
Find snow at my door.

Rosie Perera with:
Neurorehabilitation centers =
Create brain solution in there.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
'The Picture of Dorian Gray' by Oscar Wilde =
How incredibly your portrait's face aged!

2nd - David Bourke with:
The singer Bono =
Note: He's boring!

3rd - View with:
Movie "Cinderella" =
Relive old cinema.

Ellie Dent with:
M. Claude Oscar Monet and the Impressionists =
Sun seems to inspire color... it demands a match!

Adie Pena with:
The action film 'Fast and Furious Seven' =
Fine, fun cars to that famous Vin Diesel.

Scott Gardner with:
The Disney animated motion pictures =
I update ancient myth, so modernise it.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The top Michael Jackson studio album, Thriller =
"Billie Jean" makes him pull crotch to do a thrust.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Frodo, Bilbo had strength in The ~
Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit.

Rosie Perera with:
Madame Tussauds' Star Wars Experience =
Museum rated a wax princess as dearest.

Scott Gardner with:
The American television program Game of Thrones =
Hit epic, hot as George R. R. Martin novel of same name.

Adie Pena with:
Disneyland Theme Park =
Damn kids a-plenty here!

Scott Gardner with:
Actress Stephanie Sigman =
Agent is a smash in Spectre.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Alex Garland Science Fiction movie =
Live target fooled in scenic "Ex Machina".


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Iran's nuclear program =
An alarming precursor.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Hillary Rodham Clinton for US President =
She is dull and in control for the primary.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Baltimore =
Blame riot.

Rosie Perera with:
April is National Poetry Month =
Inspiration: plan to rhyme a lot!

Ellie Dent with:
Eastertide dawns ~
and trade is sweet...

Jason Lofts with:
France moves to ban skinny fashion models =
French invoke BMI; soon only damn fat asses.

Adie Pena with:
Liberians' contagions =
Noting an Ebola crisis.

View with:
The Easter celebrations =
Release to beaten Christ

View with:
Netanyahu blasts Iran nuclear deal =
Ah, Israel annuls unbalanced treaty!

Dharam Khalsa with:
He is Risen! =
Rise & shine!

Adie Pena with:
A Sierra Leone outbreak =
One true Ebola risk area.

Rob Bretveld with:
Duke wins the NCAA championship =
Wise Coach K had men in paint push.

Tony Crafter with:
Ed Miliband's leadership =
He spread blind idealism

David Bourke with:
Hatton Garden Safe Deposit Limited =
A diamonds/gold thief penetrates it.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hillary Clinton to announce bid for President soon =
Thereupon, I cannot consider Bill "First Lady"! No, no, no!!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hillary Clinton to announce bid for President =
Bill can find pretty donors in online outreach.

Adie Pena with:
The Garissa University College massacre =
I hear last screams; see tragic young lives.

Rosie Perera with:
Spring break in Florida =
April's for a drink binge.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Hillary Rodham Clinton for President =
Land rich donors primarily on the left.

Julian Lofts with:
Marveling at ~
maglev train.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Earth Day, April twenty-second =
I worry that decay ends planet!

Ellie Dent with:
Earth Day, April Twenty-Second =
Why trend is planet care today.

Jason Lofts with:
Ten tonne fatberg cleared from sewer in Chelsea =
One recent firm ball of entrenched waste/grease.

Scott Gardner with:
The civil war in Somalia =
Now I hate Islamic rival.

Rosie Perera with:
National Infertility Awareness Week =
We're like, "wail in tears, as no infant yet."

Scott Gardner with:
The water shortage ‡
Hot weather's great!

Julian Lofts with:
Hoarding German's greed haunted ~
Hermann Goering's daughter Edda

Rosie Perera with:
Bruce Jenner's coming out to Diane Sawyer =
Concern: To be a woman, I...I just need surgery.

Larry Brash with:
Bruce Jenner's coming out to Diane Sawyer =
Uncensured, rejoices trying to be a woman.

Julian Lofts with:
The Federal Democratic Republic of Nepal =
People fear tectonic bedlam - I'd fear lurch.

Adie Pena with:
The aftershocks in Nepal =
Ask for help in that scene!

Rosie Perera with:
Baltimore, Maryland =
Alarm! Men riot badly.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Baltimore protests =
Batters metropolis.

Ivan Andonov with:
Bali Nine =
Bail? Nein!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch =
That much-noted romantic BBC celebrity.

2nd -David Bourke with:
The U.S. vocalist, pianist and songwriter Barry Manilow =
With a very dominant slantwise triangular proboscis.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Donatien Alphonse François, The Marquis de Sade =
Head Frenchman adored pain sessions quite a lot!

Ellie Dent with:
The Germanwings co-pilot Andreas Lubitz =
The world's seen brutal, agonizing impact.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Lucien Sarti?? =
Unrealistic.

Adie Pena with:
J Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson =
Old gay John and escorted lover.

Larry Brash with:
The Boston Marathon bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev =
A drama, no thanks to both brothers' brazen move.

David Bourke with:
Stephanie Sigman =
Emphasising a "Ten"!

Jesse Frankovich with:
The libertarian physician Senator Rand Paul =
As in, another sad liar in the Republican Party.

View with:
Burton Stephen "Burt" Lancaster =
Trenchant but noble superstar.

Jason Lofts with:
The Hollywood film star Burt Lancaster =
Tall heartthrob actor, now fully missed.

Jason Lofts with:
US presidential candidate Hillary Clinton ~
indicates country in peril and shall lead it.

Scott Gardner with:
Emilia Clarke =
Like a miracle!

Adie Pena with:
Edward Samuel Miliband =
Damn wild bum is a leader?

Julian Lofts with:
UK's chess grandmaster Nigel Short =
"Girls aren't strong". He's mad! He sucks!

nedesto with:
USA presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton =
Nasty scandal on email had dirtied her political run.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Presidential Candidate Ms. Hillary Rodham Clinton =
Lady had a child, promised maternal instinct in role.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
The Shroud of Turin =
Undershirt of Thou

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Washington, District of Columbia =
In conflict or disgust with Obama!

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
A devout Christian =
Actions had virtue.

Adie Pena with:
The Federal Bureau of Investigation =
Far better lead on a heinous fugitive.

View with:
The Jerusalem syndrome =
Name my Lord Jesus there.

Scott Gardner with:
The city of Jerusalem, Israel =
The miracle of Jesus' reality.

Rob Bretveld with:
Major League Baseball =
Rules label a game a job.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The Capitol in Washington, DC =
Place with do-nothing antics.

Adie Pena with:
Can ISIS hurt ~
Christian U.S.?

Rosie Perera with:
The National Popular Vote bill =
Line up another pivotal ballot.

Scott Gardner with:
Disneyland Resort, Anaheim California ~
is an ideal area for my nation's children.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Oh, Americans readily stand in a line for ~
Disneyland Resort, Anaheim California.

Adie Pena with:
Facebook Timeline =
Life became OK on it.

Tony Crafter with:
Michelin-starred 'Restaurant Gordon Ramsay' =
Named minder is a surly, rather arrogant Scot.

Rosie Perera with:
The Armenian Genocide =
Menace, death in region.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The top five villains of all time:
1. Dr. Hannibal Lecter
2. Norman Bates
3. Darth Vader
4. The Wicked Witch of the West
5. Nurse Ratched

=

1. Silence of the Lambs
2. Tend hotel in Alfred Hitchcock film
3. Star Wars dad
4. Hero threw water vat at her
5. Punitive, bent, and evil

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
These are the Seven Deadly Sins:
1. Lust
2. Gluttony
3. Greed
4. Sloth
5. Wrath
6. Envy
7. Pride
=
1. Perverse
2. Dines unsated
3. Tight
4. Slovenly
5. Lethal hate
6. Dyed green
7. Showy strut

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The voice on the telephone said, "I am afraid that young Mark Harris won't be at his classes today, he's real sick."
~
"Oh, I am sorry about that," said the sensitive old teacher. "Can one ask who is speaking?"

"My father," said the caller.

Adie Pena with:
THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS
1. Lust
2. Gluttony
3. Greed
4. Sloth
5. Wrath
6. Envy
7. Pride
=
1. Trysts?
2. Gulps!
3. Need the levy!
4. Eluded.
5. He's riled!
6. Strong want.
7. Oh, vanity!

David Bourke with:
The former American Olympian decathlete William Bruce Jenner =
An erratic jump recently...male to female! Him now a her...incredible!

Dharam Khalsa with:
THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS
1. Lust
2. Gluttony
3. Greed
4. Sloth
5. Wrath
6. Envy
7. Pride=
1. Lewd
2. Overeat
3. Stingy
4. Dull
5. Devil's trend
6. Snotty
7. Haughty; she preens

Julian Lofts with:
The German novelist, poet, playwright, sculptor and social critic Guenter Grass has died =
A sprightly socialist goes to a dour grave. A tin drum clangs in respect. The children wept.

Ellie Dent with:
Doc rules this shy Finnish (huge!) blonde nurse, diet.
'Eat regularly two days, then skip a day, then repeat
for further two weeks.'
~
When she returns, she's a lot leaner. 'Doc says: 'Your
diet worked!'
'Yes, but I felt awful after the third day.'
'Hunger?'
'No, the skipping.'

Julian Lofts with:
The New Zealand Prime Minister John Key apologises for tugging a waitress's ponytail =
Men joking? I guess not! Fears grew - what a slimy, senile, sleazy, inappropriate thing to do!

Jason Lofts with:
Nepal earthquake: Hundreds dead, history crumbles, Mt. Everest shaken =
Seems the Earth's ornery plaques stirred 'n' buckled, Kathmandu heaved.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The greatest heroes of all time:

1. Atticus Finch
2. Indiana Jones
3. James Bond
4. Rick Blaine
5. Will Kane
=
1. Jem's dad
2. AKA "Junior"
3. He is an agent in Licence to Kill
4. Feels bitter to be in his café
5. Town marshal


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
Female College Prof: "The idiots in the room may stand up."

Tom stands up.

"Why on one's feet?" Prof mocks Tom, "I'd keep it!"

A giggling Tom comments, "I hate to see you all alone."

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." —Douglas Adams=
Engineering any optimum tool?
Fool! That is a decidedly mammoth task, as a rule.
People often forget
The deep cosmos is yet
To know glimpsing the consummate fool.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely
foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.
=
Poet named Shakespeare composed:
'A fool thinks he is intelligent, intelligent man considers himself a fool.

Rosie Perera with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
Like mammoth software companies (e.g., Google) trying to make products that any fool can use...they didn't plan on immense idiots. Gosh, most people feel futile. Me too!

View with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
O, often many stupid people made long scientific and philosophic theories, so admonish yourself from gawky moments! Get a gut, mettle too...take moment to allege.

Jesse Frankovich with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." —Douglas Adams
=
Engineering a new tool for a feckless nincompoop, dopeface, numskull, or total idiot to employ is tough—it seems they may not fathom the most simple gadget made!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
Look, Ma! Infomercials preempt nightly news to sell some optimal, unneeded, gimmick to moody agitated consumers, so that they get up off a sofa to go telephone in.

Rosie Perera with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
Contemplate a game: The first day of April you sometimes need to make fun of simpletons, the most common people who cannot tell you're kidding. Giggles! It's a hoot!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
So, it seems if you make a phenomenal gadget that seems idiot proof, and hope to get it patented on forms, some rich smug flunky will come along only to complete it!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
It's like Murphy's Law: If employment of one safe tested common tool might result in catastrophic damage, a fool employing it needs to get tough and poke someone!

Julian Lofts with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
My footnote: The Germans thought how to design a "safe" cockpit door. Pilot left to pee, gets locked out. Madman/nemesis flies plane into alps. My eulogy: "In memoriam".

Jason Lofts with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
Postmortem keynote: Oops, Germanwings copilot committed suicide! Lufthansa set to offer huge money as emotional damages to the many people killed on flight.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
Adams' supercomputer, 'Deep Thought',
Contemplated the meaning of life...a lot!
No mystic omen, no yogi, no lifelong ado;
It makes the message look simple: "It's Forty-Two!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely
foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams.
=
Poet named Shakespeare composed:
'A fool thinks he is intelligent, intelligent man considers himself a fool.

You, me, a dummy opt to compute a gem: got... got 'forty two!'

Adie Pena with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
PEOPLE ARE NOTHING

Most folks stopped forgetting, I'm taking the cue.
"Fool me once, shame on you."
I'm attempting to say, odd adults are silly.
"Fool me twice, shame on me."

Christopher Sturdy with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=
UK election time...
Top polls suggest Daily Mail readers log on to the net, howl at the moon then go to UKIP's manifesto (feeds off 'immigrant-sapped economy') come May.

Tony Crafter with:
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams
=

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; attempt it again and you'll get the prickly end of a pineapple, ok? Trust me, it's gross." - (Methodist song: 'O Lift Me God')


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A woman was being interviewed by a judge regarding her pending divorce.

"So, what are the grounds for this divorce?" he asked her.

She replied, "About two acres, and a nice little bungalow in the middle of the property, with a stream trickling by."

"No," he said, "I meant, what's the foundation of this case?"

"Well, I think it's made of concrete, bricks and mortar."

"No," he tutted, "I meant what are your relations like?"

"They're nice people. Matter of fact, my aunt and uncle live here in the town, as do my in-laws."

"Madam," he said, becoming somewhat frustrated, "do you have a proper grudge?"

"No," she replied. "We've got a two-car carport, so we don't really need one."

"Please," he attempted once more; "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Well, both my son and my daughter have hi-fi systems. We don't necessarily like their taste in music, but the short answer to your question is yes."

"Hmm... Tell me, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she replied, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge groaned, "Look, madam, tell me something - why do you want this divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want the divorce," she replied. "It's my husband who wants it. He says he can't communicate with me!"

=

A couple in their nineties were having problems remembering. During a medical check-up, the doctor told them they were quite okay physically, but they may need to start writing things down to help them remember...

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair. 'Do you need anything while I'm out in the kitchen?' he asked.

'Yes; can I have a bowl of vanilla ice cream, please?' said his wife

'Sure.'

'Er, don't you think you should just jot it down so you can remember it?' she ventured.

'No, it's not necessary, I can remember it.'

'Can you add some strawberries too? Maybe you should write it down, so you don't forget?'

'I won't forget," he assured her, "You want vanilla ice cream and strawberries.'

'Yes, and I'd also like some whipped cream, please. I am sure you'll forget that, write it down.'

'Hey, I do not need to write it down!' he snapped testily. 'I remember everything you said! Vanilla ice cream with some strawberries and whipped cream - I've got it, for goodness sake!' Then he wandered out to the kitchen.

The old man eventually returned after half-an-hour and handed his wife a plate of sausage, bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said...

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One day a woman was in a supermarket. She'd chosen: the store's fresh orange juice, a half-carton eggs, litre of milk, head of lettuce, and a tiny pack of bacon slices. At the checkout, a drunk watched her.

Suddenly, he shouted loudly: 'YOU MUST BE SINGLE.'

The woman was surprised to hear an outburst by this down-and-out

~

since she was, indeed, single. She looked at her objects and was baffled; she saw nothing unusual amongst her selections that could perchance tip off the drunk as to her marital status. She said, 'Do you know, you are perfectly correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk man:

'Because, madam, you are ugly."

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Most Powerful People in the World:

1. Vladimir Putin
2. Barack Obama
3. Xi Jinping
4. Francis
5. Angela Merkel
6. Janet Yellen
7. Bill Gates
8. Mario Draghi
9. Sergey Brin and Larry Page
10. David Cameron

=

1. Russian war villain and eternal jerk
2. Marxian president
3. Lead guy in China
4. Liberal pope
5. German madam
6. Fed chair
7. Wealthy Microsoft developer
8. Big bank gent
9. Google pair
10. Jolly Brit PM

David Bourke with:
The top ten richest recording artists

1. Madonna Ciccone
2. Sir Paul McCartney
3. Andre Romelle Young (Dr Dre)
4. Sean John Combs (P-Diddy, Puff Daddy)
5. Celine Dion
6. Paul David Hewson (Bono)
7. Mariah Carey
8. Shawn Corey Carter (Jay-Z)
9. Sir Elton Hercules John
10. Beyoncé Knowles-Carter
=
1. Material Girl.
2. Once a Beatle.
3. Known for his obscenely-priced crappy headphone brand.
4. Just such an annoyance.
5. Odd Canadian wench, titanic ego.
6. Irish career-tosser, major hypocrite.
7. Dull, dowdy.
8. Money frenzy.
9. Cuddly old homo.
10. Just never dressed in concert, Mrs Carter!

Dean Mayer with:
Buying books would be a good thing if one could also buy the time to read them in: but as a rule the purchase of books is mistaken for the appropriation of their contents
=
Perhaps you'd be better looking at using some of your cash on non-bibliomaniac stuff like, eg, items for the kitchen or toilet (toothbrushes?), or how about an updated iPad?

Adie Pena with:
AND THE EARTH CRIED*
1. Chernobyl
2. Bhopal
3. Kuwaiti Oil Fires
4. Love Canal
5. The Exxon Valdez
6. Tokaimura Nuclear Plant
7. The Aral Sea
8. Seveso Dioxin Cloud
9. Minamata Disease
10. Three Mile Island=
THE TOP TEN ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS
1. Hot!
2. Toxic Area
3. Callously Razed
4. A Bleak Land
5. An Oil Leak
6. Which Unleashed Harm
7. Dead Extinct Beach
8. A Noxious Evil
9. Impaired More Lives
10. A Failure.

View with:
Top Ten Great Richest Actors In The World
!0 Salman Khan
9 Will Smith
8 Leonardo Di Caprio
7 Sylvester Stallone
6 Tyler Perry
5 Tom Hanks
4 Johnny Depp
3 Tom Cruise
2 Shah Rukh Khan
1 Jerry Seinfeld
=
10 Indians honor
9 The styled star
8 The hunk, lover
7 Lone type, chilly warrior
6 Many elected plays
5 Forrest Gump
4 Jack Sparrow
3 The handsome star
2 Thrills them In India
1 Jokes 'n' pranks, chortle

'Where's my toast?'

Jason Lofts with:
"Heroes who shed their blood and lost their lives! You are now lying in the soil of a friendly country. Therefore rest in peace. There is no difference between the Johnnies and Mehmets to us where they lie side by side here in this country of ours. You, the mothers, who sent their sons from far away countries wipe away your tears; your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. After having lost their lives on this land they have become our sons as well."

"Ghazi" Mustafa Kemal Atatürk

=

With this reconciliatory tribute, the first Turkish President - he himself a victorious Gallipoli veteran - honoured those brave ANZAC soldiers whose fate was to be ingloriously killed on the narrow mountainous peninsula where they suffered intensely one hundred years ago this year. Eyewitnesses say as many were victims of enteric dysentery as were shot or bayoneted here by their "unholy heathen" foe.

Amen.

Jason Lofts
In honour of our grandfather, who somehow came home.

View with:
Countries That Hate America the Most :
10. Slovenia
9. Tajikistan
8. Austria
7. Egypt
6. Iran
5. Pakistan
4. Lebanon
3. Belarus
2. Palestinian Territories
1. Russia
=
10. Young nation
9. Separate it
8. Hitler's birthplace
7. Arabs (Cairo)
6. Tehran (to rein)
5. In Asia
4.Take a visit
3. Minsk
2. Not a true state (assails Jerusalem)
1. Putin

Julian Lofts with:
Armenia's A-List Diaspora
1. The singer contralto Cher (nee Bono)
2. Kimberly Kardashian West
3. The motion capture expert Andy Serkis
4. Frenchman Alain Prost
5. Andre Agassi
6. Frenchman chanteur Charles Aznavour
7. Entrepreneur David Dickinson
=
1. She's a thin actress, record producer
2. Sex tapes, innuendos, then stunt with porn, reality TV star, married Kanye
3. He's King Kong, ape Caesar
4. Formula One champion driver
5. Bald American tennis ace
6. Harmonizer a la Frank Sinatra
7. Born in Cheadle

Dharam Khalsa with:
Some of the well-known systems of government are called:

1. Pantisocracy
2. Militocracy
3. Exarchy
4. Bureaucracy
5. Ecclesiarchy
6. Gerontocracy
7. Patriarchy
8. Kritarchy
9. Andocracy
10. Aristocracy
11. Autocracy
12. Democracy
13. Ptochocracy
14. Paparchy
15. Timocracy
16. Theocracy
17. Hagiarchy
18. Doulocracy
19. Oligarchy
20. Technocracy
21. Plutocracy
22. Gynarchy
23. Kakistocracy
=
1. All in accord
2. Army secrecy
3. Clergy (may carry a rosary)
4. Cue crony corporacy
5. Church state
6. Cantankerous crotchety coot
7. Fatherlike
8. Court
9. Male
10. Royal (may carry a yappy Corgi)
11. Cocky arrogance
12. Choice by candidacy
13. Poor
14. Pope
15. Cyclic dynasty
16. Church law
17. Martyr saint
18. Slave
19. Chic few
20. Techy
21. Rich (Say, got a yacht, cognac?)
22. Matriarchy
23. Toxic cockroach


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
From you have I been absent in the spring,
When proud-pied April dress'd in all his trim
Hath put a spirit of youth in every thing,
That heavy Saturn laugh'd and leap'd with him.
Yet nor the lays of birds nor the sweet smell
Of different flowers in odor and in hue
Could make me any summer's story tell,
Or from their proud lap pluck them where they grew;
Nor did I wonder at the lily's white,
Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose;
They were but sweet, but figures of delight,
Drawn after you, you pattern of all those.
Yet seem'd it winter still, and, you away,
As with your shadow I with these did play.

=

A TIMELY SONNET

Sweet spring is in the air this time of year;
Pink flowers do break through winter's dreaded grey.
Rain falls upon the earth in droplets clear;
In muddy puddles youths will wildly play.
Now tulips fill up every shady bed;
Green turf ensued with shoots of timothy.
In far, wide opportunities ahead,
New upward growth with health, viridity.
Throughout the pretty trees around the lawn,
Hear honeybees resume their happy hum.
Embodied in the warmth of every dawn,
A hint of sultry summer yet to come.
It's time to dearly hail this season of
Renewal and rebirth of life and love.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
THE SPRING AND THE FALL

In the spring of the year, in the spring of the year,
I walked the road beside my dear.
The trees were black where the bark was wet.
I see them yet, in the spring of the year.
He broke me a bough of the blossoming peach
That was out of the way and hard to reach.

In the fall of the year, in the fall of the year,
I walked the road beside my dear.
The rooks went up with a raucous trill.
I hear them still, in the fall of the year.
He laughed at all I dared to praise,
And broke my heart, in little ways.

Year be springing or year be falling,
The bark will drip and the birds be calling.
There's much that's fine to see and hear
In the spring of a year, in the fall of a year.
'Tis not love's going hurt my days.
But that it went in little ways.

=

ECO-LOGICAL

Valley and shrub submerged at the start of the year;
I walked her path full of fear.
Like in her reply with the hymn of nihility
Came timidity at the start of the year.
As garbage stands in the babbling brook,
Now we both weep for the trees we took?

The winter is hellish at the end of the year,
She walked her path full of fear.
Energy bills pile up, there is no solution --
The pollution at the end of the year.
I inhale the air; hear the blind babies crying.
Now the frail people are rapidly dying.

Months are starting, months are ending;
Yesterday's high tide is fast ascending.
Little we learn, how much we fear
At the start of a year, at the end of a year.
Nights are dark, birthdays are bleak;
Damage is the dual rhythm we wreak.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
10 TRICKS TO APPEAR SMART AT BUSINESS MEETINGS

Here are ten brilliant tricks for quickly appearing smart at business meetings:

Like everyone else, the need to seem smart at meetings is my top priority. Sometimes this can be difficult if you start daydreaming about your next vacation, your next nap, or just bacon. When this happens, it is useful to have some tricks to fall back on. Here are my ten top tips for quickly appearing smart at meetings.

1. Draw a Venn diagram.

Getting up and drawing a Venn diagram is one highly effective way of appearing smart. It does not matter if the diagram is wildly inaccurate, in fact, the more off the mark it is, the better. Even before you have put that marker down, your colleagues will start to fight about what precisely the labels should be and how big the circles should be, etc. At this point, you can slink back to your chair and continue playing Candy Crush on your phone.

2. Pace around the room.

Whenever someone gets up from the table and walks around, don’t you immediately respect them? In my opinion, it takes a lot of guts but once you do it, you'll immediately appear smart. Fold your arms. Walk around. Go to the corner and lean against the wall. Emit a deep, contemplative sigh. Trust me, everyone will be shitting their pants wondering what the hell you're thinking. If only they knew (bacon).

3. Encourage everyone to “take a step back”.

There comes a point in most meetings where everyone is chiming in, apart from you. Opinions, statistics and milestones are being thrown around and you haven't the faintest idea what they all mean. This is the best point at which to yell, “Guys, guys, guys, can we just take a step back here?” Everyone will turn their heads towards you, amazed at your ability to silence the fray. Then quickly follow up with: “Let's assess this situation - just what problem are we really trying to solve here?” and, boom, boom! You’ve bought yourself another hour of looking smart.

4. Nod continuously while pretending to take notes.

Always bring a notepad with you. Your rejection of technology will be revered. Take notes by simply writing down one word from every sentence that you hear. Nod continuously while doing so. If someone asks if you’re taking notes, say that these are your own personal notes and that someone else should really be keeping the minutes of the meeting. Voila! You'll have quickly saved your ass, and you'll also have got out of doing any extra work. Or any work at all, if you’re really succeeding.

Then move smoothly through steps 5, 6, 7, 8, 9...

~
5. Repeat the last thing the engineer said, but very, very slowly.

Make a mental note of the engineer in the room. Remember his name. He will always be quiet during most of the meeting, but when his moment comes, everything flowing out of his mouth will spring from a place of unknowable brilliance. After he's uttered his exalted words, chip in with, “Okay, let me repeat that,” and repeat back exactly what the engineer said, but go very, very slowly. Now his brilliance has been transferred to you. People will look back on the meeting and mistakenly attribute the intelligent statement to you. Great!

6. Ask, “Will this scale?” no matter what it may be.

It’s important to find out if things will scale no matter what you are discussing. No one even knows what it means, but it’s a good catch-all question that usually applies and drives engineers nuts.

7. Convert percentages into fractions.

If someone says, “About 25% of users click on this button,” quickly chip in with, “So about 1 in 4,” and make a note of it. Everyone will nod in agreement, secretly impressed and envious of your ready mathematical skills.

8. Ask the presenter to go back a slide.

“Sorry, could you quickly go back a slide?” They are the words no presenter wants to hear. It doesn’t matter where in the presentation you say this. Right away, it'll make you look like you are paying closer attention than everyone else, because clearly everyone missed the thing you are about to point out. Don’t have anything to point out? Just say something like, “It's okay, I just wasn't convinced about the accuracy of some figures,” and sit back. You’ve bought yourself almost an entire meeting of appearing dogged and smart.

9. Step out for a phone call.

You are probably afraid to step out of the room in case people think you aren’t making the meeting your priority and disapprove. Conversely, if you step out for a “very important” phone call, they will realize exactly how busy and important you are. They’ll say, “Wow, our meeting's very important, so if he's got something even more important, we'd best not bug him.”

10. Make fun of yourself.

If someone asks what you think, and you haven't caught a single word anyone said for the past hour, just say, “Oh bugger; sorry, I didn’t catch a single word anyone said during the past hour.” People love self-deprecating humour. Say things like, “Maybe we can just use the lawyers from my divorce,” or, “God I wish I was dead.” They’ll laugh, value your honesty and consider contacting H.R., but more importantly, think you are far and away the smartest person in the room.

Adie Pena with:
CLIMATE'S CURSE

We are told the climate will change
But how far will parameters range?
For better or worse
Not knowings our curse
Sailing deserts may be very strange.

=

WARMER GLOBE

First we're struck by a game changer;
Our latest system becomes stranger.
Our planet called Earth,
Will we note its worth?
Now our sci-fi lives are in danger!

Jesse Frankovich with:
No law shall prohibit or bless
Any creed; curb free speech or free press;
Or say people can't meet,
If in peace, in the street,
And petition the state for redress.
=
Republicans often appear
To act (center their interests) on fear.
They'll incredibly oppress
These free pieces, profess:
"To bear arms is the one we hold dear!"


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The professional courtesan =
A coitus-for-sale person, then?

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The clitoral kissing =
Girls like this act, no?

3rd - Adie Pena with:
B. Manilow =
I blow man.

View with:
I wish to get into her pants =
This penis to go in her twat.

Adie Pena with:
Purple-headed yogurt slinger =
The really rugged, proud penis!

David Bourke with:
The U.S. singer and songwriter Barry Manilow =
Butt-rider now only wears his manager's ring.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A woman takes off her dress... Oh no! ~
More of her fat, naked ass on show.

Adie Pena with:
A hard penis, a wet pussy. =
As nudists, we are happy!

Julian Lofts with:
The woman has a floppy cunt =
Fact: man's unhappy. Hole two?

Tony Crafter with:
Gross and weird =
Dogs in drawers.


The Anagrammy Awards