THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Jason Lofts with:
Stanford undergraduates =
Frustrated and dangerous.

2nd - View with:
Social security =
O, yes, it's crucial!

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Um, I looked up "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" =
So ironic: it says, "See Donald Trump (delirious prick)."

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Anagrams of thirteen or fewer letters =
We offer a short title's rearrangement

Dharam Khalsa with:
Anagrams of thirteen or fewer letters =
Me? First, learn the generator software!

David Bourke with:
A wall along the United States/Mexican border ~
blew the great Latin exodus to American lands.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Spare us all the gory details =
As a rule, he'd stop grisly tale.

Josiah Winslow with:
Snowball effect =
Faces left blown.

David Bourke with:
A transphobic:~
"It's born a chap!"

Ellie Dent with:
Daylight here and ~
heralding the day.

Josiah Winslow with:
The nuclear codes =
1. Reach 2. Select 3. UNDO!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The famous three a.m. telephone call to The Whitehouse =
Hello? Asleep. Huh? What's the outcome? Fine, at the remote!

Christopher Sturdy with:
His positive mental attitude =
The naove optimist saluted it.

Josiah Winslow with:
Out of the frying pan, into the fire =
Right off heat, yet up into inferno!

Josiah Winslow with:
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade =
Life seems mean, eh, young kid? We all move on.

Josiah Winslow with:
The nuclear codes =
Decrees to launch!

Josiah Winslow with:
Conspiracy theories =
Oh yes, crap in its core.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Paying her a compliment 
Er... "nymphomaniac piglet"?

Josiah Winslow with:
The nuclear codes =
Secret; had no clue.

Ellie Dent with:
The words we never use ~
however new, desert us.

Ellie Dent with:
The wayside wildflowers =
How well wee daisy drifts!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Writers block is when our imaginary friends stop ~
speaking to us from the library; we drown in crisis.

Julian Lofts with:
A pip's incited ~
appendicitis.

Jesse Frankovich with:
An overflowing toilet =
Noting a vile wet floor.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Funny toilet humor and jokes =
Our youth and menfolk in jest.

Rob Bretveld with:
Instagram filter =
Art after smiling.

Josiah Winslow with:
The fingers =
Free things!

View with:
The tongue and thirty-two teeth =
How they tend to utter/eat thing.

Adie Pena with:
The most valuable players ~
tamely beat all push-overs.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st (eq) - Jason Lofts with:
Author Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (Lewis Carroll) =
A girl called Alice sets through wondrous world.

1st (eq) - Jesse Frankovich with:
The American gymnast Simone A. Biles =
My, she is a nimble one! A magnetic star!

3rd - David Bourke with:
The artistic gymnast Simone Arianne Biles =
Instantly, is best American in the Rio games!

View with:
The Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro =
Here IOC rejoining olympiad teams.

Richard Grantham with:
The Canon and Gigue in D of Pachelbel =
D, A, B, F#, G, D, G, A,... An ennui epoch in the cello.

Alan Yoshioka with:
Gymnast Simone Biles =
Glisten on beam, missy!

Tony Crafter with:
The Olympic gymnast Miss Simone Arianne Biles =
My milestones? I'm American, anything's possible.

Josiah Winslow with:
Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper =
Christ and Apostles' unrepaid love.

David Bourke with:
The dressage rider Charlotte Dujardin OBE =
Credit it...a bred horse just earned her a Gold!

Ellie Dent with:
Claude Oscar Monet's Water Lily masterpieces =
Saw petals created in timeless, creamy colour.

Adie Pena with:
Black-and-white comedy film 'Young Frankenstein' =
My date and I watch Gene in Mel Brooks' funny flick!

Julian Lofts with:
The Rose of Tralee =
Role for aesthete.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Crime and Punishment =
Trump sinned - cane him!


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Election season =
One lies; one acts.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Donald' versus Hillary =
He and she: truly old rivals.

3rd - Rob Bretveld with:
Donald Trump's foreign policy =
Recordings of my old pal Putin.

Rosie Perera with:
Quiz: Vermin outbreak? Oh, so it's... ~
the mosquito-borne Zika virus.

Josiah Winslow with:
Trump: Clinton is a 'PATHOLOGICAL LIAR' =
Complaining a lot: "Ah, it is all corrupt!"

Adie Pena with:
An unpresidential American =
I, an insane Trump, led in a race.

Josiah Winslow with:
Why Trump is campaigning in blue states =
Republicans might tempt us in a swaying.

Josiah Winslow with:
Mexican wall 
We all can mix.

Josiah Winslow with:
Iran bans Pokemon Go, ~
making pros be a no no!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The well-known clarinetist, Pete Fountain, has died =
In final note, ends in apt duet: "Closer Walk With Thee".

Ivan Andonov with:
As Michael Phelps wins another gold in Rio ~ Lochte swam along his plain-inspired hero!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Point to Trump and hiss ~
"I don't support this man!"

View with:
Malia Obama found smoking weed =
A memo: "No no, kids! Bad, awful image."

Jason Lofts with:
Vice presidential candidates Tim Kaine ~
and Mike Pence lead drastic initiatives.

David Bourke with:
If Donald Trump wins the U.S. Presidential race =
Fascism/apartheid will return, none disputed.

Josiah Winslow with:
Intern Monica Lewinsky
=
Clinton? In my ******? I swear, Ken!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Trump is an insincere egomaniac 
Stop insane gun crime in America

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Trump Revealed by Michael Kranish and Marc Fisher =
Sham dealer, chicanery, bankrupt firm, devil's harem

Jason Lofts with:
Amatrice, Italy =
Ire at calamity.

Rosie Perera with:
The small town of Amatrice, Italy =
Many more fatalities? Watch toll...

Scott Gardner with:
Central Italy 
Really intact.

Josiah Winslow with:
Amatrice, Italy earthquake =
Air team quickly at the area.

Rosie Perera with:
Donald Trump calls Secretary Clinton a "bigot" (i.e., KKK) =
So, consider it a darn murky pot calling kettle black.

Julian Lofts with:
Doctor Harold Bornstein's medical report concludes: ~
Donald Trump - he's a cordless, electronic, Nordic robot!

Tony Crafter with:
The businesswoman Lady Christina 'Tina' Green =
Seen in news in another glam yacht! It is absurd.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Olympic arenas =
Many Rio places.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
D. Trump is ~
Mr. Stupid.

2nd - nedesto with:
The USA's presidential candidate Donald Trump =
Dismal toupeed neanderthal and stupid racist.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ryan Steven Lochte =
Never act honestly

Rosie Perera with:
Campaign manager Paul Manafort =
A man, a plan, gaming of a race: Trump!

Adie Pena with:
Donald and Melania Trump =
Old man and unideal tramp.

Josiah Winslow with:
Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton =
I can realistically trip Donald and dethrone him.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Charles Lutwidge Dodgson =
Words long caused delight.

Josiah Winslow with:
The Green Party's nominee, Doctor Jill Stein =
Still rejecting either? Not any person? Do ME!

Ellie Dent with:
Ms Simone Arianne Biles =
Nimble, as man sees in Rio.

Josiah Winslow with:
The champion gymnast Simone Arianne Biles =
On thin beams in arenas in the Olympic Games.

Jason Lofts with:
Ryan S. Lochte =
Larceny? Tosh!

David Bourke with:
Lochtenator =
Another clot!

Jason Lofts with:
Mokgadi Caster Semenya ~
makes maidens category.

David Bourke with:

The Olympian sprinter Usain St. Leo Bolt =
Hesitant to pull my personal best in Rio!

Tony Crafter with:
The blonde beauty Rita Sahatciu Ora =
Such a body! I rate her tail about a... ten.

View with:
Bruce Springsteen =
Brunet creep sings.

Paul Pan with:
Alexis Tsipras ~
slips tax-raise.

Rosie Perera with:
Jerome Silberman (Gene Wilder) =
Jew long-remembered in Israel.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Painting of The Last Supper =
A prophet's painful setting.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Olympic Games in Rio =
i.e., champions' glory time.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Mylan Pharmaceuticals =
A sly human malpractice.

Rosie Perera with:
Gold Star families ~
lost a life. Sad, grim. :-(

Josiah Winslow with:
The Nuclear Football =
A clear button of Hell.

Jason Lofts with:
The Summer Olympics in Rio 
Much misery in metropolis.

Rosie Perera with:
The Commission on Presidential Debates =
"I open their memos, see Clinton bias. Sad." -- DT

Rob Bretveld with:
Brazil's Opening Ceremony =
Be near Olympic rings zone.

Josiah Winslow with:
The First Lady Cookie Baking Contest =
Chocolate sitting by desk for intake.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Syneron Candela's Gentle Laser Hair Removal System =
Never let alarming ass Ryan Lochte endorse my sales!

Jesse Frankovich with:
The Games of the Thirty-First Olympiad =
Top athlete, shirt off, is mighty dreamy!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Rose of Tralee ~
referees a hot lot

Rosie Perera with:
The Allen Telescope Array in California =
I yell, "A planet? Search for alien race on it!"

Tony Crafter with:
The Houses of Parliament in Parliament Square =
Our MPs all fire inane questions at a PM there? Ah...

Rosie Perera with:
International Whaling Commission =
Limiting low nations' harm in oceans.

Josiah Winslow with:
The White House, Washington DC =
The US changed who is the two in.

Adie Pena with:
The Summer Paralympics in Rio =
It's primarily macho supermen!


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
A sloth happens upon a fiendish gang of snails which beats him up. So, later, kinda weepy,
addled, he takes off to talk to police.
~
'What's happened?' a police officer asks. 'This gang of snails beat me up.' 'Oh, what did they
look like?' 'Dunno. It all happened so fast.'

2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Controversial US athletes at the Olympics:
- Gunnar Bentz
- Jack Conger
- James Feigen
- Ryan Lochte
=
Brazil cops just caught them lying.
Larceny's not a joke here, contravenes clear intent of Games.

3rd - Mark Huffman with:
Vote for Hillary Clinton for President of the United States of America! =
Convict liar of felony; after this, send her to timeout at federal prison.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Will the Malaysia Airlines mystery ever be solved? =
Dilemma: why is any vessel lately so irretrievable?

David Bourke with:
The beginning section of Ludwig van Beethoven's Fifth Symphony: Allegro con brio =
The one by that German noob in which every violin/cello, in unison, stops G-G-G-Eb...F-F-F-D...

Mark Huffman with:
Olympic Games? Hey, what channel? Sports! Go team! Score! Win! =
Meh, who cares? Most people are only watching gymnastics.

Josiah Winslow with:
It Has Been Seventeen Months and Counting Since Donald Trump Last Took Off His Jacket, According to My Research
=
* Had jacket for months - since March a year going
* Not naked in coitus (damn sheets!)
* Bulletproof vest isn't connected

Christopher Davis with:
Facebook Will Force Advertising on Ad-Blocking Users =
Observe officials -- until good working cracks enabled.

Rosie Perera with:
"This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." 
I'm heretical, hate that heralded delight. I'd just as soon stay in bed.

David Bourke with:
The New Orleans clarinetist Pierre Dewey LaFontaine (Pete Fountain) =
RIP? Sleep? No way! Now to entertain audiences in the eternal afterlife!

Christopher Sturdy with:
It is the man's responsibility to know one thing can lead to another.
=
He kept a condom in his wallet.
To iterate: No births. No annoying STI's.

David Bourke with:
The diving pool at the Maria Lenk Aquatic Center at the Rio Games =
Opaque vomit-green tinted (as in thick algae, a rather hot climate).

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bulletin (easily feasible, if gherkins): "Hard-to-swallow Trump Sandwich ~
White bread full of baloney, with Russian dressing, with a small pickle."

David Bourke with:
It is the man's responsibility to know one thing can lead to another. =
It's women's to take the pill...or it can end in abortion. (He says nothing!)

Josiah Winslow with:
Hillary scrubs sexual assault pledge after allegations against Bill resurface =
U.S. girls all fear statutory rape, if she can't argue Bill's illegal sex abuse scandal.

Christopher Davis with:
If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.
=
Here is to gigawatt nuclear physics theories - his mobile time machine erroneously changes Future Boy's history.

Josiah Winslow with:
Michael Cohen, the newly-situated lawyer and spokesperson for Donald Trump=
Trump and Pence are rusty - indeed, down in the race.
Says who?
Polls. All of them.
OK.

Christopher Davis with:
Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine. =
Examines situation, assume Ferris plays joint, taught lesson.

Adie Pena with:
Kind, marvelous kids born, of a crazy, vain and so unpleasant financial jerk: ~

- Zelnmckova's Donald Junior, Ivanka, and Eric;
- Maples' Tiffany;
- Knauss' Barron.

David Bourke with:
The fifteenth Summer Paralympic Games, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil =
If injuries of limb permit, the prize here may cost an arm and a leg.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st (eq) - Josiah Winslow with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
When I fell, I faced cold viewS.
I'll toast a bit in joy to yoU,
Not cede to killjoy winter glooM
To spend a summer in your rooM.
Envisage the fun you arE:
Release, and all day, go faR!

1st (eq) - Tony Crafter with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life! =
SOLO
Just a book is all I need,
Feet up, there I'll sit 'n' read
In some old, very-warm location
Feeling joyful on vacation
Golly gee, what nicer way
To add fun memories to your day!

3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
Google "Anagrammy Forum".
You'll soon meet a few idle, loony acolytes while on it, i.e.

Adie Pena
Chris Sturdy
David Bourke
Ellie Dent
Jason Lofts (Julian too)
Tony Crafter
View

Julian Lofts with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
I'm merry? No,
I see footage of
a little Syrian lad called Omran,
Dusty, bloody, silent.
I recoil, go pale
I now understand
Just how lucky we are
To enjoy life, go to a movie, have fun...

Christopher Davis with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
June holiday objectives:
family outdoor adventure
only lounge in pool
stroll aimlessly
imagine ... daydream... forget office work
listen to tunes
own a hideaway - relocate

Jason Lofts with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
August holiday news: Effete US swimmer boy Ryan Lochte acknowledged telling a lie to slyly cover up tomfoolery, i.e. vandalism of a toilet door, on a jaunt in Rio de Janeiro.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
Volunteer one day
Adventure on foot
Collaborate with foes
Accomplish only joy
Try seaside jogging
Illuminate dim ideals
Offer a widow a lily
Nurture a lonesome tyke

Dharam Khalsa with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
Memo from a juvenile adult:
Wear corduroy
Sit in front of "Looney Tunes" any weekday
(good television!)
Eat "Alpha-Bits" cereal with fingers
Yodel so un-melodically
Go to jail!

View with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!=
O, you poor oaf!
Don't worry, idiot!
Climb no Everest - have a rest!
Welcome indifference
Lay...lay again
Make no gesture
Wail loudly, almost feline!
Just lay idle
O, just do nothing!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
My vacation:
Weeded, aerated
A journey via train
Fun with grandson
Eerie jellyfish
Go Orioles!
Ugly politics
A lot of books
Cultural time
Ended too soon
All my money flew!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
I sure want time off - just one or two days might do, because I know I'll feel calm after a lovely, long holiday.
Only yoga or meditation can deliver a deeper journey into souls.

Rosie Perera with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
Advice from Trump:
Be a sly, jejune fool.
Selfless one? No way!
Evict immigrants now.
Yell at a liked lady, often.
Woo your daughter, too.
Do an eye roll.

Ignore. He is a lunatic idiot.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!

=

Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the estate
Enjoy a good living
Attack, lie, deny, lie...
Color yourself too orange
Surround yourself with money
Enjoy a slim wife
Build a wall!

Adie Pena with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
~
Or you come over...on a Friday...no wife...idly lose yourself. Do you feel good?

Well, let me just repeat what comedian Milton Berle jokingly said: "Laughter is an instant vacation."


Dharam Khalsa with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
Memo: Go on a goof-off weekend!
Be awesome,
Dodo

Do we shine artistically,
or even emotively?
Do fine spiritually,
or just authentically?
Dine organically,
or just naturally?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life! =

Good for jellyfish wounds
(translucent killjoy!):
Act immediately
Yell loud "Ooooo!"
Get First Aid
Locate vinegar
Hot water
Ammonia for pain
We even use urine!
Anybody else?

Ellie Dent with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
I say try to:
Delight in golden sun
Wear yellow
Hunt a rainbow
Rejoice at love ... smell of a rose
Decline activity
Loosen up: just idle around
Make a memory of today
Go offline!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Advice from a loon:
Spend time at the lake
Enjoy a good swim
Call your friends
A little color goes a long way
Surround yourself with beauty
Enjoy time alone
Dive into life!
=
Ideally, I'd unwind before my vacation:
Lighten my work load
Go out joyfully
Get some flowers
Journey to a salon
Rest easier in a peaceful room
Do I still need the vacation?


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st -
Julian Lofts with:
The Most Outstanding Performances at the Rio de Janeiro Olympic Games
1. Michael Phelps
2. Usain Bolt
3. Simone Biles
4. Katie Ledecky
5. Simone Manuel
6. Ashton Eaton
7. Andy Murray
8. Kohei Uchimura
9. Elaine Thompson
10. Fiji
11. Joseph Schooling
12. Thiago Braz da Silva
13. Rafaela Silva
14. Argentina
15. Patrick Hickey
16. Ryan Steven Lochte
17. Team USA
=

1. He is a machine
2. He is a very famous Jamaican track sprinter
3. Gymnast
4. Pool (niche: freestyle)
5. A pool rookie
6. "I'm in the decathlon"
7. Tennis
8. A gymnast
9. Jamaican sprinter
10. Sevens
11. Butterfly
12. A Brazilian pole vaulter - meant he is agile
13. Judo
14. Hockey
15. Ignominious ticket scalping
16. He lied about a holdup. A shame, OK?
17. Most medals - hoorah!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE CASE AGAINST GUNS.

CONFESSION
Hello Jerry,
This is Ron, your neighbour. I'm really sorry, but I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I'm at least now telling you by text as I cant live with the guilt any more. I am afraid I've been sharing your wife, day and night, when you weren't around. In fact, probably more than you have. I havent been getting it at home lately but, hell, that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with my conscience any longer and I hope you'll accept my apologies and forgive me. I promise it'll never happen again. Please assess a fee for usage and I'll gladly pay.
Regards, Ron

REACTION
Jerry, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, stormed round to Ron's house and knocked on the door. As soon as Ron answered, he shot him dead. He then returned home, poured a stiff drink and sat down.

Later, he happened to look at his phone and saw there was a second message:-


SECOND MESSAGE
Hello Jerry,
Ron again. Sorry about that small typo on my last text. I reckon you've worked it out anyway but, as I am sure you've realised, my autocorrect changed WiFi To Wife. Technology, eh? Hope you saw the funny side of it!
Ron

=

THE CASE FOR GUNS

Just imagine that you're an enfeebled older senior who can no longer take care of yourself and the government has said there is no nursing home care available for you. What do you do? Simple - you just opt for Medicare Maximum - Plan G.

This plan gives anybody aged seventy-five or more a gun (Plan G) and a bullet, with which they'll be granted permission to shoot one worthless politician (e.g. Donald Trump). This means you'd be sent to prison for life, but here you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need. Want new teeth? Glasses? Hearing aid? New hips needed? knees, kidney, lungs, heart, eye surgery, a complete sex change? That's okay, they're covered by the senior Medicare Plan (G)!

As an added bonus, the kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! But who will be picking up the tab, you may ask? Yes, it's the same government that just told you they couldn't afford for you to enter a nursing home! What's more, you will be getting rid of a useless politician in the process. And, being a prisoner, you won't have to pay income tax!

Is this a great country or what? Now that I've sorted out your senior financial plan, enjoy the rest of your week.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A police officer sees this man driving around with a truckload of penguins. He pulls him over and yells: 'Are you dim?
You can't drive around this town with penguins! Get it, stupid? Take them to the zoo.' At that, the man says OK, and
drives away. Yet the following day, the cop sees him, and indeed his truckload of penguins, again.
~
This time they are happy, and are wearing funky sunglasses. Suspicious, he waves him over, demanding: 'I am convinced that
yesterday I told you to take these flipping penguins to the zoo!' The man replies: 'I know. I did. And so today, as all had fun,
I thought I would take them on a circular drive, trundling off down to the coast.'

Josiah Winslow with:
"Sometimes, in the heat of debate and speaking on a multitude of issues, you dont choose the right words or you say the wrong thing. I have done that, and I regret it, particularly where it may have caused personal pain. Too much is at stake for us to be consumed with these issues."
=
Wow.

This assessment is authentic...so that suggestion...it is a success. I am touched. You are changing. You abandoned your offensive, hothead mistakes. I see it; I had enough, too.

Now, I'll believe that you said the truth when you don't read that from prepared teleprompter remarks.



Christopher Davis with:
"Youre living in poverty. Your schools are no good. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed. What the hell do you have to lose?
=
Huh? Sorry evil guy nice try! Honestly, your empty offer is loopy. We love a GOOD idea - to push negativity culture on the hood? Eh? No, FOOL!

Dharam Khalsa with:
A Rhyme by Mother Goose
Monday's child is fair of face.
Tuesday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is full of woe.
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving.
Saturday's child works hard for its living.
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
=
Such a classic beauty (if shallow, vain, narcissistic).
Dignified girl; lordly boy.
Holds weight of the world; crabby, moody ('Addams Family').
Disadvantaged, or high success (odd ability to fly farthest ahead).
Grand-hearted, generous.
Holds harsh vocation, bad shift, but finds high glory (off and on).
Sunshiny, kindly.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A WINDMILL IN OLD AMSTERDAM
By Ronnie Hilton

A mouse lived in a windmill in old Amsterdam
A windmill with a mouse in and he wasn't grousin'
He sang every morning, "How lucky I am,
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus:
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

This mouse he got lonesome, he took him a wife
A windmill with mice in, it's hardly surprisin'
She sang every morning, "How lucky I am,
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

First they had triplets and then they had quins
A windmill with quins in, and triplets and twins in
They sang every morning, "How lucky we are
Living in a windmill in Amsterdam, ya!"

Chorus
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

The daughters got married and so did the sons
The windmill had christ'nin's when no one was list'nin'
They all sang in chorus, "How lucky we am
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

A mouse lived in a windmill, so snug and so nice
There's nobody there now but a whole lot of mice.
=

THE (UNWILLING) WOMEN IN WINDOWS IN OLD AMSTERDAM


I recall once, while visiting old Amsterdam
With nine willing mates on a 'men only' break,
We guys went to view its iconic 'red lights'
On a mission to savour some sinning delights!

Chorus
I saw some girls
There
Selling their wares
Selling their wares
Right there!
Their mini-skirts were high, their tops
low, I declare
They were all hangin' out in the square
Whoo, yeah!

As the evening continued I opted to split
I'd had too much Amstel, I wanted to sit, so
While mooching around I unconsciously found
This girl in a window in Amsterdam town.

Chorus
She seemed so sad
All
Alone on a chair
Long chestnut hair
Such hair!
Her hollow eyes were blank,
Her slim shoulders were bare
And her posture declared much despair
I swear

How many vile men will use her to maul?
Ten, twenty, thirty? it is tough to call, they'll
All pay her in cash then her pimp has the lot
Will he give her commission in cocaine 'n' pot?

Chorus
I saw one lone
Tear
Roll from her eye
Rolling down, my
oh my
And in that moment a
Lonely voice in me cried:
"I'll release her, I'll give it a try,
I'll try!"

Going up to the window I tapped on the pane,
I smiled sympathetically, hoped theoretically
She'd understand that I'm quite a nice man
This girl in this window in ol' Amsterdam

Chorus
I gave one kick
With
All my full might
With all my willing might
I saw the window pane co-llapse
Such a sight!
Then I carried her into
The night
Damn right!

A girl who sat in a window in ol' Amsterdam
Is happily wed now - and I am her man!

2nd - Josiah Winslow with:
La trombe fausse dissimulant folie,
Fera Bisance vn changement de loix,
Hystra d'Egypte qui veut que l'on deslie
Edict changeant monnoyes & alloix.
=
Donald Trump, in a quixotic election
Shall flame Istanbul at the square.
The lying guy's deemed a vexing selection,
Doom seen by an offensive scare.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The beloved refrain from The Sound of Music says:

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find the word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!=
Ow, I'd disaffirm a dumb barbaric oaf:

How do you solve a problem like The Donald?
How do you calm the traffic when he's in town?
How do you believe so many support The Donald?
Inimical to Jesus! A birther! A twit! A clown!


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
That noisy spurting? =
Shitting your pants!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The uncircumcised penis =
Crimped since he is uncut.

3rd - Colleen Parkin with:
Biggest hard on =
Banged so right.

Julian Lofts with:
Haemorrhoids ~
harried homos.

Tony Crafter with:
Adulterer's excuse - 'An erect penis has no conscience'.
=
Nice, as 'rule' concedes sex-cheats are super-innocent!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Praise indeed 
Deride a penis.

Jason Lofts with:
Dirty asshole =
Shat so direly.

Josiah Winslow with:
Hillary Clinton should be the US President, ~
and this run's the only Bush period I'll elect!

View with:
A flirty single =
Lay finest girl

Julian Lofts with:
Anthony David Weiner's raunchy texts =
I heard horny deviant wants cunty sex.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Tremendous person 
One endorses Trump


The Anagrammy Awards