THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
First memories a man has =
I am safe in Mother's arms.

2nd - John Ramos with:
Landscaping =
Scan, plan, dig.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Lonely Christmas ~
stirs melancholy.

Ellie Dent with:
A winged messenger ~
sees dawn emerging.

Josiah Winslow with:
Every cloud has a silver lining =
Very long held value in a crisis.

John Ramos with:
Death row inmates =
Warmed in hot seat.

John Ramos with:
Time travelers ~
relive matters.

Rosie Perera with:
The cafeteria tray =
Eat free at charity.

View with:
Weight loss =
Go with less.

John Ramos with:
"Hi, owl," ~
I howl.

Coll with:
When death comes ~
who'd encase them?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Expression: "Burning the midnight oil" =
I burn tinged holes in expiring moths.

Tony Crafter with:
Its after midnight ~
and its fright time.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Recount =
No truce!

Rosie Perera with:
A close shave ~
leaves chaos.

John Ramos with:
Speculation =
Act upon lies.

John Ramos with:
Parrot 
Raptor.

Josiah Winslow with:
Saprostomous =
Rooms pass out!

Josiah Winslow with:
Large font
=
FAT
LONGER


Rosie Perera with:
The coprophagia =
Ah, poop! Great. (Hic!)

John Ramos with:
A climber =
I clamber.

Rosie Perera with:
Poor, needy, school-age children (some bad) in ~
an economically depressed neighborhood.

Josiah Winslow with:
Stuck between a rock and a hard place =
"Keep ahead" cancels to "turn backward"!

View with:
Room heater's ~
home roaster.

Rosie Perera with:
Binge eating disorder =
Got greed inside brain.

Rosie Perera with:
A trivially true ~
virtual reality.

Rosie Perera with:
The climate change scientist =
She can cite that ice's melting.

Rosie Perera with:
Winter weather advisory =
The wet snowy air arrived.

Rosie Perera with:
Carnivorous animals =
Lions savor a cranium.

Larry Brash with:
Regular unleaded petrol =
End a large rude polluter!

Rosie Perera with:
The "Prosperity Gospel" =
Rotter gyps his people.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The children's fairy tale 'Snow White' =
I'll stay on here with the nice dwarfs!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The film 'Rogue One: A Star Wars Story' =
The last one from your saga writers.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Cliff Richard's 'Mistletoe and Wine' =
Christmas in ideal world, in effect.

Josiah Winslow with:
Nintendo Switch =
No CD went in this.

Rosie Perera with:
University Gospel Choir =
Pure voices glory in this.

View with:
"Hotel California" =
Real? Oh, fictional!

Ellie Dent with:
The carol: Christians Awake! =
Hark! Arise! Clothes can wait...

Ellie Dent with:
A Winter's Tale? =
Answer: a title.

Rosie Perera with:
Oh, bring us some figgy pudding! =
Enough for budding Miss Piggy.

Adie Pena with:
Animated motion pictures =
Is it not made in a computer?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou (a.k.a. George Michael) =
Gay guy took a risk, no apologies. A magic era. Cheerio.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The old American television show "I Love Lucy" =
Note the lively wives duo in comical roles. Ha!

David Bourke with:
The American actress Mary Frances 'Debbie' Reynolds =
A screen star, a decent lady. (nb: Carrie Fisher's mom). Bye!


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The tragedy in Aleppo =
People that are dying.

2nd (eq) - Rosie Perera with:
A child asks, "Is Santa real?" =
A rascal: "Alas, kids, he isn't."

2nd (eq) - Julian Lofts with:
The proposed American Muslim registry =
O dear, seems Mr Trump is copying A. Hitler.

View with:
Tennessee wildfire aftermath =
Deaths, few entire remains left...

View with:
"Not our President" =
Stop one intruder

Rosie Perera with:
American Airlines' flight attendant uniforms =
Alien material inducing rash/torment in staff.

Josiah Winslow with:
The true meaning of Christmas =
If Santa comes, he might return.

Rosie Perera with:
The beginning of the holiday season =
I see benign Santa deftly ho-ho-ho-ing.

Rosie Perera with:
Astronaut John Glenn has died, ~
and then, alas, joins the ground.

Rosie Perera with:
Microsoft buys LinkedIn =
Folks, I combine industry.

Julian Lofts with:
The Bride of Wildenstein =
Twit befriended she-lion!

Meyran Kraus with:
"It's Donald Trump's America now! =
I can deport Muslims to Rwanda!"

Rosie Perera with:
'Tis the season to be jolly =
Let's enjoy it; be host, also.

Julian Lofts with:
Tillerson is named as the top US diplomat =
A disastrous appointment, dolt, shlemiel!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Trumponomics 
pro-Communist.

Julian Lofts with:
"Unpresidented?" ~
sneered pundit.

Rosie Perera with:
Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress and glamour icon, dies at age 99 =
"A gorgeous dame and class act's ritz is gone." -- Bazaar

Adie Pena with:
Fiery apocalypse to hit ~
the city of Aleppo, Syria.

Julian Lofts with:
"What's needed? Return our ~
underwater drone!" The US.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Hey, what sappy reminder can wash away our misery? =
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

View with:
Unpresidented =
Dense, unripe D.T.

John Ramos with:
Jolly old Saint Nicholas =
Land collision halts joy.

David Bourke with:
Trump's inauguration =
U.S.A. migration upturn.

Rosie Perera with:
Karoshi (death by overwork in Japan) =
When a nasty job provoked harakiri.

Rosie Perera with:
Is it really possible one can die of a broken heart? =
Yes, look at Debbie R, in pain alone; she lost Carrie F.

Meyran Kraus with:
The new Trump Administration =
An impotent dimwit runs Earth.

Meyran Kraus with:
The new Trump Administration =
Throw inept tantrums in media.

Meyran Kraus with:
The new Trump Administration =
A human misprinted on Twitter.

Meyran Kraus with:
Trump's New Administration =
Pundits: "War sorta imminent".

David Bourke with:
The new Donald J. Trump Administration =
Major president not with an adult mind.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The new Trump Administration =
What's important? Undermine it!

Ellie Dent with:
'Mistletoe and Wine' Christmas song ~
and the cosmos signals wintertime.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
Princess Leia =
Special siren.

2nd (eq) - Tony Crafter with:
The Bronte Sisters: Anne, Emily and Charlotte =
Meet the North nation's eternal lady scribes.

2nd (eq) - Adie Pena with:
The United States of America President =
I see that need to define Trump as racist.

2nd (eq) - David Bourke with:
The Austrian politician Norbert Gerwald Hofer =
Can his Adolf Hitler tribe return to power again?

View with:
Julius and Ethel Rosenberg =
USSR "inner job" duet, eh? Legal?

Christopher Davis with:
Hedge-fund manager Martin Shkreli =
Mean drug makers infringed health

Ellie Dent with:
Martin Shkreli =
Hail Mr Stinker!

View with:
Michael Delligatti's burger =
Big Mac idea. Grill the result!

View with:
Sally Margaret Field =
Real lady, great films.

Ellie Dent with:
Handel, Bach, Delius, Rodrigo =
Oh, each did go blind...surreal.

Rosie Perera with:
Jolly Old Saint Nicholas ~
instills joy...and alcohol.

Jason Lofts with:
Burnside's ~
sideburns.

Larry Brash with:
The Vicar of Dibley =
Her vice: bodily fat.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Astronaut John Glenn, RIP =
Or, planning other jaunts?

John Ramos with:
"Weird Al" Yankovic =
Rad, wacky, I live on.

View with:
Turkey police officer Mevlut Mert Altintas =
Face verity: I'm true killer of consul attempt.

Rosie Perera with:
Solo? Turn here: blame ~
Robert Leo Hulseman.

Meyran Kraus with:
Donald Trump, current leader of the United States =
A trusted, mere fraud the entire land couldn't spot.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
A Hyundai Sonata =
Handy Asian auto.

2nd - John Ramos with:
Old Faithful Geyser =
It really gushed off.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Autism Spectrum Disorder =
I'm odd... super smart... curse it!

John Ramos with:
Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup =
Old cock/hen cubes in ample slop.

Rosie Perera with:
The Price is Right, a television game show =
Weigh items' cost on air. Ah, the privileges!

Julian Lofts with:
Star of Bethlehem shining ~
from nigh - he's in the stable.

Rosie Perera with:
Score! Trump defeats foe, then initiated as ~
President of the United States of America

Josiah Winslow with:
The religion of Christianity =
Hostility, inferior teaching.

View with:
Islamic Caliphate =
I leach Capitalism.

John Ramos with:
Creflo Dollar's Prosperity Gospel =
Go, Lord's poser--pilfer payrolls, etc.

John Ramos with:
Tabasco Hot Sauce ~
abets a tacos ouch.

Rosie Perera with:
The Neo-Confederate movement =
Men of hate reconvened to meet.

Adie Pena with:
National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day =
A wry Santa Claus dearly got me in this!

Tony Crafter with:
Trump International Realty =
I tour apartment internally.

Rosie Perera with:
Carl can make his ~
Chicken Marsala.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Doctors Without Borders/Midecins Sans Frontihres =
No weird fences or doors obstruct them in disasters.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Depicted in the New Testament:

1. Conquest (or Pestilence)
2. War
3. Famine
4. Death

=

The New Omens:

1. Floods escalate in frequency
2. Atomic weapons
3. The rate of deep ethnic hate
4. President Trump

2nd - David Bourke with:
The singer George Michael (Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou) =
A Greek-Cypriot hero, a glamorous Eighties gay icon, is gone.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Bobby asks a farmer: 'Can I cross your field please,
instead of going all round it? You see, I have to
catch the two-fifteen train.'
=
'The farmer says, 'Fine.' Adding, 'And if Boris
- it's a bull - sees you, you're even capable of
reaching the station for it at two-oclock.

Christopher Davis with:
Welcome to the department of redundancy department ~
Chanted Pete and Repeat; my comment returned twofold

John Ramos with:
Wishing to bathe in a Yellowstone hot spring, tourist falls in acidic pool and dissolves. =
Splash! Lout on vacation pitches into strongly boiling water and--low hiss--desolidifies.

Rosie Perera with:
If an angel statue is removed from a fountain, does that make it a sans seraph font?
=
I've taken a pun from online, and I offer it to amuse the masses. "Groan! That's daft as a...."

Dharam Khalsa with:
From a writer:
cough
rough
though
through
why don't these words rhyme
but for some god forsaken reason pony and bologna do?
=
My son's words:
Though
tough
to spend or offer
her my dough,
Lord knows, a bough,
my art, or a wreath on her door
can be gift enough

Maurice Goddard with:
Donald Trump "President of the divided states of America." =
Demented, putrid, sordid mad ape, starts in the Oval Office!

Tony Crafter with:
Britain exits the EU; Trump's elected President of the USA =
I bet the unexpected results infuriated most parties, eh?

Josiah Winslow with:
"At the working man's house hunger looks in but dares not enter."
=
The means to work enough turns huge risks to dinner on a table.

View with:
A blue Star of David on a white ground, framed by two horizontal blue stripes =
The flag of Israel (a new Zion) adds up to blood tributes, bravery, wit and humor.

Julian Lofts with:
The actor Carrie Fisher (she was Princess Leia of Alderaan) has died =
Artist had a special role - a fanfare is considered as we cherish her.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson

=

Nearest Hour

Hate's winning left and right, it seemed;
Our fight for honor's tanking, too.
Perhaps there's mainly this to do:
Endure, Confront, Redeem.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson

=
I long to see:
Peace on Earth for fraught Mankind,
Terrorists repenting sins,
The end of hatred in our minds,
And for me the hugest lottery win!
Ho ho!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
Utter the prayers,
Light a candle (or ten);
Think for a profound moment
of those friends, entertainers, singers,
Who are gone---
Though, not diminished.

View with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
GOD, protect us!
Refine togetherness!
No terror, thereto more health,
Understanding and freedom for any man.
I hope this is not a wishful thinking.

Rosie Perera with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
Had enough of the old administration;
Enter the shiny one: Trump.
Forfeit greatness, forsake the strong nation.
Horrors, we're the declining dump!

Ellie Dent with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
RHYME:
Ring in food for old, those most in need
Assist the purest who aren't free
Ring in peace on earth: no to greed
Ring out filth and hurt--thanks, me.

Julian Lofts with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson=
Huh, I'd honor ten - grinning T. Crafter, Israeli hotshot M. Kraus, doyenne R. Perera, Lofts twins, M. Huffman, E. Dent, Adie, Nedesto, R. Rothstein. Oh, E. Pegg too!

Jason Lofts with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson

=

A sonnet? No.
God:
Return peace to those terrified in the Syrian fighting;
Go and free the US from horrid Trump;
Show kindness to all men on the Earth.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
Finish the year with humor and song;
Dispel election frustration.
Under the threat of deportation,
Think of honor and emerge strong.
--Messenger

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
George Washington honored truth--
An effort to maintain real honor,
Though some presidents lied;
Sir Trump doesn't think there's any difference!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
O, sing this theme "Auld Lang Syne"; it refers
To the forgotten, dead or gone.
Then, in dark morn hours 'ere the dawn,
Pints confirm hope, it infers.
--Author

Josiah Winslow with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
One Ring to perish dry,
One Ring to see them;
One Ring to rush us and work,
One Ring to free them.

And add a fifth one. Hell, it's part of the Christmas tune.

David Bourke with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
The Starman, His Purple Shortness, and Frey...
George Michael, Ms Fisher...now gone to die.
In future, good drone, find then hit,
A rotten North Korean tit!





Meyran Kraus with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson

=

Needing

Friends ask for cheer and sunlit mirth,
To eye the truth and get some powers...
Instead, I'm longing for the Earth
To spin on for another hour.



THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
LONDON'S TOP TEN ATTRACTIONS
1. Warner Bros Studio Tour - The Making of Harry Potter
2. The Coca Cola London Eye
3. Madame Tussauds Waxworks
4. The Tower of London
5. The Shard
6. Sea Life - London Aquarium
7. Westminster Abbey
8. The London Dungeon
9. London Zoo
10 Shrek's Adventure!

=

1. One wizard experience!
2. Monstrous outdoor Ferris Wheel
3. Man, look at that uncanny likeness!
4. Hosted banquets and the odd torture!
5. Glass tower
6. Marine world
7. National treasure, haven of hymns
8. Town's doomy old lock-up
9. Has baboons etc
10 A fond nod to that rotund ogre

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One fine summer's eve, Vince goes into his local pub with this cat sitting on his head.

The barman pulls him a pint and says casually, 'Look sir, I don't know if you know it,
but there's a cat sitting on your head.'

'Well, what of it?' asks the man. 'I always wear a cat on my head on Mondays.'

'But today... today's Tuesday,' replies Rod the barman.

'Oh dear God. Is that right?' says Vince. 'I must look a right prat.'

=

Even more snappy puss tales:

As I heard my tire a' thumping
I thought maybe that it was flat.
But when I looked at it, alas
I discovered Sonny your cat.
So sorry...

******

How d'you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
It is simple, man. She has this down-in-the-mouth look.

******

Schrvdinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

******

Finally, I got a small Abyssinian cat the other day.
I had to swerve ... but, man, I got it.

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Leaders of States
1. Donald Trump ("An orange twit, an idiot, an ignoramus!" we said, guffawing)
2. Vladimir Putin
3. Angela Merkel
4. Theresa May
5. Francois Hollande
6. Sergio Mattarella
7. Narendra Modi
8. Shinzo Abe
9. Hassan Rouhani
10. Malcolm Turnbull
11. Jacob Zuma
12. Mark Rutte
13. Lars Rasmussen
14. Robert Mugabe
15. Bill English
16. Ashraf Ghani
17. Park Geun-hye
18. Charles Michel
19. Perry Christie
20. Abdelfattah Said Elsisi
21. Tony Tan Keng Yam
22. Daniel Ortega
23. Raimondo Vejonis
24. George Konrote
25. Maithripala Sirisena
26. Hilda Heine
=
Representing
1. United States of America (Holy f##k! Hmm, God save us!)
2. Russia (oh, enough immoral, remorseless deceit)
3. Germany (her worrisome error - let all those migrants in)
4. United Kingdom (Great Britain & Northern Ireland)
5. France
6. Italy
7. India
8. Japan
9. Iran
10. Australia
11. South Africa
12. Holland (Netherlands)
13. Denmark
14. Zimbabwe (shun amoral dog)
15. New Zealand
16. Afghanistan
17. South Korea (about to be impeached)
18. Belgium
19. Bahamas
20. Egypt
21. Singapore
22. Nicaragua
23. Latvia
24. Fiji (illegally)
25. Sri Lanka
26. Marshall Islands

Julian Lofts with:
The famous British actor/humorist Andreas "Andrew" Sachs (he played poor Manuel in 'Fawlty Towers') has died after a private battle with dementia. "If he go, I go." Basil "Well, goodbye!" Requiescat in pace
=
That dear esteemed twit, a daft, bug-eyed Spanish waiter from Catalonia who helped rude gringo Basil and wife Sybil with a hotel in Torquay. "Como?" "He's from Barcelona." "Si." "That is surprise!" Vale. Peace.

Jason Lofts with:
Sacha Baron Cohen alter ego clues:
1. Alistair Graham
2. Crass road movie
3. Gay farce (he's a loser)
4. Big bad guy struts round in dictator film title role
=
A list of this British actor's four most outrageously comical screen characters:
1. Ali G
2. Borat Sagdiyev
3. Br|no Gehard
4. Admiral General Aladeen

Dharam Khalsa with:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
=
It's no coincidence that Trump won,
To generate discontent with the crooked system
And engage a fight, forcing change--
Ah, the change.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.
At the first gate, ask yourself 'Is is true?'
At the second gate ask, 'Is it necessary?'
At the third gate ask, 'Is it kind?'
Sufi Saying
=
I suggest we assess our presidents by a key test.
Is he/she:
Astute or apathetic?
Steadfast or flighty?
Educated or fake?
Strategist or kingly authoritarian?
Safe or kinky?

The U.S.? *sigh*


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:


This land is your land, this land is my land,
From California to the New York island;
From the redwood forest to the Gulf Stream waters,
This land was made for you and me.

As I was walking that ribbon of highway,
I saw above me that endless skyway:
I saw below me that golden valley:
This land was made for you and me.

I've roamed and rambled and I followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts;
And all around me a voice was sounding:
This land was made for you and me.

When the sun came shining, and I was strolling,
And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling,
As the fog was lifting a voice was chanting:
This land was made for you and me.

There was a big high wall there that tried to stop me;
Sign was painted, it said private property -
But on the back side it didn't say nothing;
That side was made for you and me.

In the shadow of the steeple I saw my people,
By the relief office I'd seen my people;
As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking
Is this land made for you and me?

Nobody living can ever stop me,
As I go walking that freedom highway;
Nobody living can ever make me turn back.
This land was made for you and me.

=
How To Unify Against A Notable Malady

The Legion - that walked in that vast, savage land -
Has suddenly stopped on that damn scalding sand;
Each gaped at a lad that was flat on his back
Unmoving and voiceless, his body all slack.
None knew which sad malady petrified him;
It was simply known that his odds were now grim.
Their mission was key, and among that brave lot
Emerged that big issue of "ditch him or not?"
Dear kin, it's all pointless and we should move on,
Said one candid fellow. Our comrade's now gone
To faraway realms bundled in that warped mind
And sadly, I'd say we must leave him behind!

The Legion's most massive guy added, If so,
End all of his suffering, with my staff's blow!

So, woeful and weary, they sought the wise aid
Of their savvy leader, that sat in the shade;
For minutes, he frowned, disappointed and tense,
And finally, formed this straightforward defense:
My boys, we may build a field gurney, for one,
Evoking team spirit and strength when it's done.
Real Legions, I'd wager, make that right away;
I'd say there's a more fearsome problem today.
Combined, we might triumph; apart, we may rot;
And now, you fools, choose: ARE we Legion, or not?



2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A BAG OF NAILS
Spiritual Story
by
Unknown

There once was a young boy with a very bad temper. The boy's father wanted to teach him a lesson, so he gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper he must hammer a nail into their wooden fence.

On the first day of this lesson, the little boy had driven thirty-six nails into the fence. Yes, he was really mad!

Over the course of the next few weeks, the boy began to control his temper, so the number of nails that were hammered into the fence dramatically decreased.

It wasn't long before the boy discovered it was far easier to hold his temper than to have to drive those nails into the fence.

Then, the day finally came when the boy didn't lose his temper once, and he became so proud of himself, he couldn't wait to tell his father. Pleased, his father suggested that he now pull out one nail for each day that he could hold his temper.

Several weeks went by and the day finally came when the young boy was able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

Very gently, the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. "You've done very well, son," he smiled, "but look at those holes in the fence. That fence will never be the same again."

The little boy listened carefully as his father continued to speak. "When you say things in anger, they leave permanent scars just like these. And no matter how many times you say you're sorry, the wounds will still be there."

=

A CAN OF WORMS
A Poem
by
One Jolly Huffy Fellow (anon)

At Christmas time, most every year,
Convention chooses that we show
Family love, with festive cheer,
And Yuletide gifts we shall bestow.

We'll watch the children in delight,
Then eat until we're set to burst,
We'll deck the tree with twinkly lights,
Imbibe much wine to slake the thirst.

Yet, there'll be no nativity plays,
They've all been cancelled for they could
Offend some people so they say,
Though there's no reason why they should.

I hear that Santa has been banned,
Because some meanie soul has proof
His sleigh is too unsafe to land
With reindeers on the snowy roofs.

In fact, the reindeers have all strayed,
Released into the icy void,
By some mean animal rights brigade.
The reindeers? They're now unemployed!

As for presents, such emotion!
Leather's banned, and also fur,
Here, this Christmas, I've a notion,
It's nylon for him and for her!

The fairy tales? They're obsolete,
Although they've not yet been forbidden,
And children's chewy toffee treats,
Like Ken and Barbie, should be hidden!

The toffees make ones teeth decay
And oh, the children may get fat!
So mum won't let them eat or play,
And that is the extent of that!

Has Santa set a bad example,
With that hefty, obese belly?
True enough, the girth is ample,
Hey, do we care? Not on your nelly!

The only gift that we can give,
That has some value and some worth,
Is hope that all mankind may live
With laughter, love and Peace on Earth.

3rd - Maurice Goddard with:
Christmas is coming,
The goose is getting fat;
Please put a penny
In the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny,
A ha'penny will do;
If you haven't got a ha'penny
God bless you.
=
Hey! Donald Trump appals,
In tweeting plenty of shit!
Egomaniac annoys,
Haughty guy's a nit!
An evil type! Nuts!
Mighty headache too!
Offensive gent pongs!
An asshole I boo!


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
What does Pinocchio's girlfriend yell at night? =
She'd hop on that still, rigid face, crying: "Now LIE!"

2nd - Josiah Winslow with:
How Woman defined intercourse
=
"When do I cum? First?"
"No."
"...we are done!"

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
I would not kick her out of bed, she merits more
=
He's like, "No doubt, I'd fuck her two or more times."

Josiah Winslow with:
Expect to endure HIV, as ~
I have unprotected sex.

Tony Crafter with:
Santa only comes once a year, but he fills a stocking! =
Gosh, icy benefactor seminates sock a lot annually!

View with:
A motherfucker =
Oh, rectum-freak!

Julian Lofts with:
The Adult Breastfeeding Relationship (ABR) ~
beats urolagnia (rather bent piddle fetish).



The Anagrammy Awards