Nominations for November, 2017

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Dean Mayer with:
Irish singer Sinead O'Connor =
No hair in recording session

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Famous sculptor Auguste Rodin's "The Thinker" =
So keep that muscular nude sitting for hours.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The late American pop singer David Cassidy =
A dynamic Seventies soap child...a Partridge.

Scott G with:
Picasso's masterpiece Guernica =
Picture epic massacre's agonies.

Scott G with:
Claude Monet, Houses of Parliament =
True theme is famous London palace.

Ellie with:
Paris Street; Rainy Day by Gustave Caillebotte =
Yes, grey brollies' beauty captivated an artist.

Scott G with:
Claude Monet, painting of Water Lilies =
A cute little flower pond is in an image.

Ellie with:
Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express =
Poirot's arresting mustache hair extends here.

Scott G with:
Diana of Themyscira =
Heroic fantasy maid.

Snafu I'll Jot with:
Irish thespian Domhnall Gleeson =
Oh, name is hard to spell in English.

Scott G with:
The painting Salvator Mundi by Leonardo da Vinci =
Canvas attaining bid to pay over hundred million.

Tony Crafter with:
Late singer Minnie Riperton had a five-octave span =
Artiste in far past. Divine voice, phenomenal range.

View with:
The "Salvator Mundi" =
LDV; not amateurish.

Scott G with:
The Salvator Mundi ‡
That's minor-valued.

Rosie Perera with:
Leonardo da Vinci’s Salvator Mundi =
Odd marvel, Savior, lands in auction.

Scott G with:
Raffaello's The Sistine Madonna =
See Maria's infant son held aloft.

Tom Myers with:
RE: Star Wars Episode Eight =
I heard reports it's sewage.

HSP with:
A Street Cat Named Bob =
Dear toms can't be beat!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Jon Gearhart with:
The Central Bank of Nigeria =
Bring on a fake chain letter.

2nd - Ellie with:
Windsor Castle, Berks, England =
Kings and well-bred ancestors.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community =
Mad mix seen by certain godly beings as unnatural.

Adie Pena with:
The House Committee on Un-American Activities =
I have to out certain Commies I can meet in the U.S.

View with:
Waze, the user-centered navigation application =
Can get citizen to wished area via true, open plan.

Rosie Perera with:
Integrated Homicide Investigation Team =
It aims to get into evidence in a grim death.

Christopher Davis with:
Blue Screen Of Death =
Code Funeral Behest

Scott G with:
Eastern Great Horned Owl =
Large "hoot" drew near nest.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Scott G with:
Top five bond girls:
1. Honey Ryder
2. Tatiana Romanova
3. Jill Masterson
4. Teresa Di Vicenzo
5. Vesper Lynd
=
1. International diver in Dr. No
2. Venal Soviet spy
3. Smothered by gold paint
4. Crazy for James
5. Eva's role

2nd - HSP with:
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
=
I grab various superstitious morning papers;
I acquire scarier astrological inaccuracies.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The actor Kevin Spacey is alleged to have sexually assaulted a minor =
"Don't ever recall all that. Plus, it's okay as I do have an excuse, see - I'm gay."

Ellie with:
Two men approaching each other on a sidewalk, both drag their right foot badly. They meet. One man looks at the other, says:
~
'Oh, look at that! See my leg there? 'Nam war.' The other, pointing behind him says: 'Ah, loada dog crap, twenty-three foot or so back.'

Adie Pena with:
Houses of Parliament: Damian Green, Mark Garnier, Kelvin Hopkins, and Defence Secretary Michael Fallon in sex scandals!
=
House of Cards: Handsome Kevin Spacey made a frank remark. Lie shall remain. Series in danger; Netflix planning to cancel.

Rosie Perera with:
"If I did, I’m not going to dispute these things, but I don’t remember anything like that." (Roy Moore)
=
"I'm a dirty dumb thing. I like to date hot minors (teens); they'd got fun booties. I'm in there, groping."

Scott G with:
Republican candidate for the Senate, Roy Stewart Moore =
Desperate sort can be romantic with a fourteen year old.

Snafu I'll Jot with:
'Saturn Devouring His Son' - painter Francisco de Goya y Lucientes =
You forget this concerns civil unrest in Spain. Yes, a dour agenda.

Dharam with:
U.S. Navy pilot draws obscene pictures over Washington state
=
Observers note a penis, suspect wrong activity, and shout "Law!"

db with:
'There's a Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He's Elvis' by Kirsty MacColl =
Why, it's really Presley's ghost who came back, vends rock or huss, with pies!

db with:
Congratulations to Prince Harry and Meghan on their engagement =
That pact encouraged another German ginger royal in nine months!

Mark Huffman with:
The Today Show’s anchor Matt Lauer fired for harassment allegations =
That fresh, friendly man is a rascal! Who tattled on eager, amorous host?

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
"I'm a one-genre novelist,"
Sighs one angry pessimist.
"I don't write well;
The genre won't sell--
I could be a proper journalist!"
dk with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
Judge Roy Moore, with distress,
Trembling on an interview,
Hoping to lie, silence, or suppress
All teen allegations new.

2nd - HSP with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
I object: The right wing newspapers tell lies, idolise owing money, report intrusive nonsense and sell moral outrage.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." - George Orwell
=
In the worsening global crisis, I'll use a tweet to govern. Just ignore my one-liners in wartime, press people! - The Donald

Dharam with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
Elections – Endless opinions, or terrible mudslinging. We won't jump in the pool, as allegators are sitting everywhere!

Rosie Perera with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
Trump: "CNN is all lies, gossip, distorting what I do. Bring me only true news I love: the Roger Ailes one. No pretense. A jewel!"

John Ramos with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell

=

One good intelligent snooper prints big, serious, jarring truths, while yes-men peers live-tweet ads in a cool new mall.

turnip with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
"It's not surprising spineless Jews control all media. We need... "

Oh, no! Rewrite bugger all!

Revision: "Path to Gentile Money..."

Snafu I'll Jot with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." - George Orwell
=
Worst in world angering press? Hell, it's juvenile hooligan Trump, obese leering Weinstein or latent sodomite Spacey.

db with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
The new, revamped Daily Mail Online - Here, in essence, low-brow porn...."serious" jugs, long "pins", groins, orgies, tittle-tattle!

Rosie Perera with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
Got evil reputation? Done illegal things? Injured women, bosses? Answer: Hire elite PR company to sell new stories. Grin!

Tony Crafter with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
Not so! The current ideology? It is to publish news on women wild pensioner Jagger impregnates. All else is irrelevant.

Rosie Perera with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
The WSJ publishes money news in never-ending little articles. People reading it'll soon get nausea or rigor mortis. Ow!

Ellie with:

"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George
Orwell
=
Where a modern press, beyond caring, will just go on inventing their appalling news to sell. Or, I see more toilet tissue.

Dharam with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." - George Orwell
=
Irony: When Trump levels to Stern he gropes women, it's a lie, just noise. A liberal erring in one gig is called to step down.

Snafu I Jot with:
"Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations." – George Orwell
=
Lo, it seems I lionise renowned Washington Post reporters solemnly judging the vile Republicans' role in Watergate.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Roy, a retired widower, met Trudy at a singles club meeting and, although she was a good deal younger than him, they discovered they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks meeting for coffee, Roy asked her out for dinner and, much to his delight, she said 'yes'. They had a lovely evening and dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite his age, they ended up at his place for drinks. Things continued along a natural course and, the age gap being no inhibitor, Trudy soon joined Roy for a most pleasurable romp in his bedroom.

As they lay basking in the glow of the magic moments they had shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts...

Roy was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'

Trudy was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off!'

=

On her fiftieth wedding anniversary, Kate found the flimsy black negligee she had worn on her honeymoon night and tried it on. She then went jiggling off to her husband, Vincent, and asked, "Hey, Vince, do you remember this?"

He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Hell, I certainly do, Kate! You wore that very same negligee on the first night of our marriage."

Kate grinned , "That's right; and do you also recall just what words you said to me that night?"

He smirked and replied, "Yes, I recall them. I said: Oh baby, I am gonna suck the life right out of those breasts and screw your brains out."

She giggled and retorted, "Why, that's precisely what you said, Vince! And now it's fifty years later, and I'm in that same negligee, so - what have you got to say to me tonight?"

Vincent looked her up and down and said, "Mission accomplished."

2nd - Adie Pena with:
BANG BANG (MY BABY SHOT ME DOWN)

I was five and he was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight

REFRAIN
Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time
When I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
Remember when we used to play?

REPEAT REFRAIN

Music played, and people sang
Just for me, the church bells rang.

Now he's gone, I don't know why
And 'til this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.

REPEAT REFRAIN

=

IN MEMORIAM

Optimum bloodshed; minimum kindness. How death had just withheld simple hopes.

We hear Bang Bang in a small Sutherland Springs church. We see twenty-six dead (that includes an unborn baby).

We hear Bang Bang at Sandy Hook Elementary School, Newtown. We see twenty-seven dead.

We hear Bang Bang in Virginia Tech, Blacksburg. We see thirty-two dead.

We hear Bang Bang in Pulse, a gay Orlando club. We see forty-nine dead.

We hear Bang Bang from the thirty-second floor of Mandalay Bay. We see fifty-eight dead.

God! How pitiful. How sickening.

We see doomsday with the damp hogwash of mighty NRA.

Amen.
3rd - Ellie with:
THE GOGHS

After much careful and painstaking research, it has finally been discovered that renowned Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh actually had many relatives, previously unknown to the general public. Among them were the following:

His obnoxious and insensitive brother, Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt, on his mother's side, Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop 'n' Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U. Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes extra white, Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois, Chica Gogh
A little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh
His uncle, a magician, Wherediddy Gogh
~
His nephew, the clearly twisted, repressive shrink, E. Gogh
The thrifty Mexican cousin, Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother, Grin Gogh
The storekeeper nephew who drove a stagecoach, Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle, the haberdasher, Cant Gogh (truly!)
The voluptuous ballroom dancing aunt, Tan Gogh
The storyteller and bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh
The hotheaded fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh
His posh Aunt from Brazil who was into positive thinking, Wayto Gogh
The overdressed sister who loved barefoot disco, but in a hat (huh?), Go Gogh
His Italian uncle, Day Gogh
The niece who breezed the country in a van, Winnie Bay Gogh.
---------------------------------------------------------

Snafu I'll Jot with:
The Key Players in the Scandal of Russians Meddling in the Recent American Elections must include:
1. George Papadopoulos
2. Joseph Mifsud
3. Paul Manafort
4. Rick Gates
5. Ivana's first son Donald Trump Junior
6. Jared Kushner
7. President Donald Trump
8. Robert Mueller
=
1. Foreign policy adviser
2. Maltese Prof
3. Supposed money launderer
4. Slick campaigner
5. Just a simpleminded jerk
6. Repugnant hooknosed anaconda married to Trump's sullen daughter
7. Sulphurous cretin. Smart? No!
8. The just FBI director annihilates all defendants.

Dharam with:
When a kind man in Macon, Georgia comes upon a toothy dog attacking a young tot, he quickly hops in to help, grabs the dog by the head, and throttles it with his own two hands. After that, he applies bandages to the tyke.

A newspaper reporter sees the incident. He expresses congratulations, and then vows the headline the following day would be, "Local Man Saves Tot by Killing Vicious Animal."

The hero protests the fuss, as he tells the journalist he didn't come from Macon. The journalist says, "Whoops." He adds that then the header would show, "Georgia Man Saves Kid by Killing Sharp-Toothed Dog".

The hero rebuts, "Whoa, hold it right there - I'm from Connecticut."

In a huff, the perturbed journalist scoffs, "Wow! By this update, the header should be, 'Yankee Murders Family Pup'."
=
There was a haunted house right on the outskirts of a college town, which was avoided by all the townsfolk - the evil resident ghost was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing this fearsome phantom. When he entered the building, armed with only a camera, a ghost descended upon him, clanking chains, etc. He told the ghost, "I mean no harm - I just want your picture." The ghost was quite happy at this chance to make headlines and posed for a number of ghostly shots.

The happy journalist rushed back to his dark room and began developing the photos. Unfortunately, they all turned out to be black and underexposed.

So, what's the moral of this story?

Sometimes, the spirit is willing but the flash is weak.

Dharam with:
"Women are very special. I think it’s a very special time, a lot of things are coming out, and I think that’s good for our society and I think it’s very, very good for women, and I’m very happy a lot of these things are coming out. I'm very happy it's being exposed." (bullsh*t by President Donald Trump)
=
Who lacks depth? Not him. Listen:

Handy--"...grab 'em by the p*ssy. When you're a star they let you do it."

Vivid imagination--On a young girl, he replied, "In ten years, I'll be dating her."

Devoted--Impromptu visit to pageant competitor in dressing room.

Savvy--Pays off sex accuser prior to kick-off month.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
SYMPATHY
A Poem by
Bishop Reginald Heber

A knight and a lady once met in a grove
While each was in quest of a fugitive love;
A river ran mournfully murmuring by,
And they wept in its waters for sympathy.

"Oh, never was knight such a sorrow that bore!"
"Oh, never was maid so deserted before!"
"From life and its woes let us instantly fly,
And jump in together for company!"

They searched for an eddy that suited the deed,
But here was a bramble and there was a weed;
"How tiresome it is!" said the fair, with a sigh;
So they sat down to rest them in company.

They gazed at each other, the maid and the knight;
How fair was her form, and how goodly his height!
"One mournful embrace," sobbed the youth, "ere we die!
So kissing and crying kept company.

"Oh, had I but loved such an angel as you!"
"Oh, had but my swain been a quarter as true!"
"To miss such perfection how blinded was I!"
Sure now they were excellent company!

At length spoke the lass, 'twixt a smile and a tear,
"The weather is cold for a watery bier;
When summer returns we may easily die,
Till then let us sorrow in company."

=

SYMPATHY?
By
Ed Ache

If there's a head torture that's worse than a snore,
I'd love to know just what exactly that is,
While I lie awake to my wife's nasal roar,
She slumbers contented in comatose bliss.

I plead with her, "Anne, show some sympathy please,
I have to get up for my shift in the morn,
Yet, dear, you continue to snore and to wheeze
And I'm still awake when the birds sing at dawn!"

She vexedly scoffs, "Ed, quit the dumb cheeping,
When you get grumpy, it is such a bore,
It isn't my fault you have trouble sleeping,
And despite what you say, no way do I snore!"

My reader, I swear this is madly untrue,
That woman, she's making me haggard and ill,
For when she gets going, the row from her tubes
Is worse than the din of a pneumatic drill!

I have tried everything I can to curb her,
From hugs to a pinch to a full body shake,
But nothing I try can darn well perturb her,
Short of a bomb and maybe an earthquake.

Divorcing's the answer for weary me,
I can't bear my headachy bed any more;
For there are two people I wedded, we see:
My dear, calm wife and that mad shrew who snores!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The White House
by Claude McKay

Your door is shut against my tightened face,
And I am sharp as steel with discontent;
But I possess the courage and the grace
To bear my anger proudly and unbent.
The pavement slabs burn loose beneath my feet,
And passion rends my vitals as I pass,
A chafing savage, down the decent street;
Where boldly shines your shuttered door of glass.
Oh, I must search for wisdom every hour,
Deep in my wrathful bosom sore and raw,
And find in it the superhuman power
To hold me to the letter of your law!
Oh, I must keep my heart inviolate
Against the potent poison of your hate.
=
The White House
by The Donald

Perhaps I'll ruin you -- the country Somalia,
Rotten suspects that massacre and slay.
Emigre upheavals, a weakened Syria,
Shipped out now, refused since yesterday.
Immigrants stopped, too, from yonder Yemen,
Detestable people who bomb and behead.
Entering visitors from Libya, then
Not humane, the hostages must be dead!
Throw in the list of vagabonds from Chad,
The thugs they put away can't ever win.
Rogues cut off from Iran, youth so bad;
United, our States won't let those convicts in.
Muslims aside, now here's North Korea
Pyongyang's hateful leader has diarrhoea!

3rd - Ellie with:
RULES FOR DOG OWNERS (suggested by their own loyal dogs)

I will not bathe my dog after he has gone to all the trouble of bathing himself in a convenient mud puddle

I will not push my dog away when he wants a hug after playing in the aforementioned mud puddle.

I will not complain 'My arm's tired' after only throwing the ball a mere twenty times.

I will not confuse my dog by throwing rock-hard snowballs for him to fetch.

I will not ask my dog to play fetch with a boomerang ... too cruel.

I will not drag my dog away from interesting sniffing spots.

I will drop whatever I am doing and then take my dog out as soon as he asks me to.

I will not tell my dog to hurry up already when he's looking for just the right spot to take care of business.

I will not stare when my dog is doing his business.

I will not presume to feed the cat before I feed my dog.

I will get rid of that pesky old cat, Sooty.

I will not bring home any more cats.

I will never eat until my dog has tasted what I have and approved it's OK for me too.

I will share everything I eat with my dog.

I will set up the kiddie pool every day it is hot - even in December.

I will not leave my dog at home any time I like to go for a drive in the car.

I will allow my dog on the couch.

I will not make my dog pose for pictures with some fat shifty looking stranger who's wearing a bright red suit

I will protect my dog from that obnoxious little human thing at all times.
~
I will not have another of those mighty obnoxious little human things.

I will not hide my dog's pet ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve it from, then ask him to go get it.

I will not take shredded, soggy, yummy tennis balls away from my dog.

I will not sneak around the yard wearing funny clothes to test whether my dog is a good watchdog.

I will stop referring to my dog's necklace as their 'collar.'

I will not cut my dog's nails.

I will not abandon my dog for a trivial human reason like 'going in town to work'.

I will not wake my dog when I come home.

I will not come home from work and feel the sofa, to see if the throw still feels warm from where my dog was sleeping there 'illegally'.

A hint of bad weather is never a reason for not walking my dog.

I will open the door as soon as my dog sits by it. Immediately.

I will not laugh at my dog for being unhappy, if confused over not being able to find that lump of ice that he buried earlier.

I will never run out of doggy treats.

I will always aim to somehow carry fifty-plus doggy treats.

I won't attempt to make my dog wear the soppy old pet outfit that he hates... the stupid festive antlers, the vivid red hat.

I will not tie ribbons or fit idiotic bows all over my pet puppy dog.

I will not use the fiendish home decorations like tinsel, which might, just might be dangerous to my dog.

And I will try much harder to understand my dog's language.

The Anagrammy Awards

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY