Nominations for June, 2018

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Environmental Protection Agency =
Main point: Convert to clean energy!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Grauman's Chinese Theatre =
Ah, huge stars are in cement!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Fox Entertainment Group =
Turn it on, extreme GOP fan!

John Ramos with:
Irritable Bowel Syndrome =
Lost in my rear dribble woe.

View with:
El Capitan in Yosemite =
My, I see one titanic alp!

Brian Taylor with:
The Council On Foreign Relations ‡
Countries on the colonial fringe.

Colleen Parkin with:
Aurora borealis =
I roar a bare soul.

John Ramos with:
World Wide Web =
Wild dweeb row.

Rik Sengupta with:
I bet Zen people reach for ~
the Nobel Prize for Peace.

Don P. Fortier with:
Lava can't do in ~
Vacationland.

Julian Lofts with:
Porsche Taycan =
Car has potency.

Rik Sengupta with:
Saks Fifth Avenue =
Ah, seek vain stuff?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner =
Care and maintenance for her kids.

Rosie Perera with:
United Methodist Church =
It documented Christ, huh?

Rosie Perera with:
Free Speech Movement =
Vehemence of tempers.

John Ramos with:
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese =
Most inane crackhead fare.

Brian Taylor with:
Council on Foreign Relations =
Continuers of colonial reign.

Christopher Sturdy with:
My phone isn't retarded, as I got ~
the Android operating system.

Rosie Perera with:
Natural Resources Defense Council =
Can assure one "Reuse, Refill" conduct.

Rik Sengupta with:
Pinkerton National Detective Agency =
Let anyone innocent get a private dick.

David Bourke with:
The International Association for the Study of Pain =
It finds a fairly ornate tattoo on the penis is an "OUCH!"

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Rik Sengupta with:
Marvel's Avengers: the "original six" line-up:

1. Captain America
2. Iron Man
3. Hawkeye
4. Black Widow
5. Thor
6. The Hulk

=

1. War hero (they wake him up)
2. Machine Man
3. Arrow-killer
4. Civil double agent
5. Norse six-packs
6. Giant leviathan

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The three highest grossing movies of all time (adjusted for inflation)
1. Gone With The Wind
2. Avatar
3. Titanic
=
1. Saga of Rhett and Scarlett
2. Gee! Hero visiting this alien moon met one fit Na'vi girl!
3. 'Oh f***. What did we just hit...?'

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:

10 Smartest Creatures (besides Man, of course)

10. Ravens
9. Elephants
8. Squirrels
7. Goats
6. Dogs
5. Whales
4. Parrots
3. Pigs
2. Dolphins
1. Chimps

=

10 Low-IQ Groups

10. Potheads
9. Bullies
8. Divas
7. Conga dancers
6. Spammers
5. Teen stars
4. Flat-earthers
3. Trump's heirs
2. His posse
1. Congress

Adie Pena with:
Songs credited to all four Beatles:
1. Christmas Time (Is Here Again)
2. Dig It
3. Flying
4. Twelve-Bar Original
=
1. Greetings, rich America!
2. It's from "Let It Be"
3. LSD-led frivolity
4. Is a Blues gig
...and not one was a large hit.

Julian Lofts with:
Monsieur Claude Monet oftentimes painted his self-portrait =
On reflection he’d astute mental aptitude for impressionism.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"One touch of nature makes the whole world kin." -William Shakespeare =
Metaphor (or clue): He feels a walk in the woods is like a human network.

Christopher Davis with:
"It is very biblical to enforce the law" - Sarah Huckabee Sanders
=
Real life barbaric shit occurs - the kids have been stolen away.

Ellie Dent with:
A woman answered the doorbell. A man was standing on her porch. The man said,
'I'm Peter. I just ran over your cat; can I come in? Can I ~
replace it?' Jenn,
a calm Bavarian woman, answered him: 'No worries, Peter. No, no dramas. So you do
hunt, rise at night and catch mice?'

David Bourke with:
The immigration policy of Donald Trump, the President of the United States of America =
To separate out children from their families, and to dump them into fetid cages, no pity.

FatPhil with:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord =

Save your souls! Vow to do your duty: swoon, hem shirts, be a slut in bed.

David Bourke with:
South Korea have beaten Germany two goals to nil in the World Cup =
Achtung! Don't mention the VAR! (To show your goalkeeper was liable).

Christopher Sturdy with:
If Donald Trump were in charge of leading Brexit negotiations
=
Got idiot offending Michel Barnier; Europe tax England. It's war!!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bad canines, ranked less to more aggressive, by his/her
bite (Caution, Teacup Chihuahua fanciers!)
=
14. you
13. can't
12. rank
11. them
10. because
9. aggression
8. isn't
7. breed
6. specific
5. it's
4. a
3. learned
2. behavior
1. Chihuahuas

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams

=

JAN: Get a cold;

FEB: Chill a bit;

MAR: I turn bold;

APR: Now sunlit;

MAY: Knot is tied;

Now: Value bride!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:

"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
June!
Think Wimbledon!
World Cup TV!
But I,
Idly absorbed in anagrams,
Fail to notice,
Er...
At all.

3rd - David Bourke with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams =
To be blunt, a drab night in January would be like, "Damn! Call a split now...it's time for divorce!"

Rosie Perera with:
If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance. -- Bernard Williams =
We invented baseball, Twitter, artificial boobs, you (all rich)! -- Kim Jong-Un and Donald Trump

Julian Lofts with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
We all blubbed for an ill Bourdain committing suicide - that jerk Tony was in love and rapt.

Julian Lofts with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
Tut! Jaws drop! Meddling Tony Crafter and nubile Colombian babe Shakira will intuit love.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
June finds Donald Trump rolling by with a dictator, but I believe all know it as a "bromance".

John Ramos with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams =

I pour a cocktail blend for a hot and bawdy blonde. Just a brilliant, twilit summer evening.

Jesse Frankovich with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
"Undoubted, I'm brilliant. I top worldwide talent in anagram club by a lot." -- Jesse Frankovich

Ellie Dent with:
If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams =
Indubitably it's a natural jewel: a month of love, birdsong until dark, Wimbledon practice.

Dharam Khalsa with:
> "If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
> =
> June talks:
> Blatantly, I will pursue,
> Emit a bird coo,
> Match, blind, woo,
> And bring a fervent "I do".

Adie Pena with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
June twelfth in Singapore, brilliant American Donald would absolve tubby dictator Kim.

Rik Sengupta with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
But man, I like July more, with its spellbinding attraction and woodland barbecue flavor.

Dharam Khalsa with:
If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance. -- Bernard Williams =
But won't a May wedding debut noblest love, liberal faith, critical kin, and pro journalism?

Dharam Khalsa with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
But, I know June could never boldly grab a child to intimidate parents. If law, it's abnormal!

Rosie Perera with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
If June Cleaver'll put on a bikini (its bra, not a bottom), maybe she'll draw Ward into cuddling.

Rosie Perera with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
June bugs mate at dawn; larvae can predictably follow. Bold birds (into nutrition): "Hm, I like!"

Rik Sengupta with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
June meant drinking Bailey's with music, a terrible tabloid, and a Football World Cup on TV.

View with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
Bad June! World Cup against it. Football!!! I cue, beware, mankind's mind, totally, in horrible TV!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
July will claim fireworks (a pollutant), vacation (his burden in debt), and boating (more debt).

Adie Pena with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams =
July, with its bravura, will babble, "I got independence from a sad U.K. and I'm in total control."

Meyran Kraus with:

"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
But if June's lip has a damn voice now, it'll order me to build a grand twenty-ton biblical ark!

Christopher Sturdy with:
"If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." -- Bernard Williams
=
A baby will attest to its power -
Dad got drunk, fell in love, in a bed;
Ma in club, junior in March.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

The 5 Top Grossing Films of All Time

1. Avatar: James Cameron's motion picture that boasted a lot of great visual ideas, some mind-blowing three-D and endlessly wonderful effects... but a plot he seems to have scribbled on a cocktail napkin.

2. Titanic: Cameron's romantic disaster film, released back when he was more down to earth and thought a profit of just two billion dollars is more than enough in Hollywood.

3. Star Wars: The Force Awakens: The Disney revival of your immensely beloved franchise; It managed to do one thing completely right: Not feature Jar Jar.

4. Avengers: Infinity War: A chaotic action film packed with so many effing superheroes, you actually end up liking Thanos for getting rid of a couple of them.

5. Jurassic World: The surprise mammoth hit released as a continuation of Spielberg's intense film ('Surprise' because it seems the screenwriters are the ones that had brains the size of a walnut).

=

The 5 Top Grossest Films of All Time

5. The Human Centipede Trilogy: A shameful movie series (with people being forcibly connected to one another) that's just full of crap from head to tail... literally.

4. Battle Royale: Japan's hit horror film about young students fighting to the death following a major economic crisis (so basically, it's our world twenty years from now).

3. Pink Flamingos: John Waters' stunning cult movie where its star eats real canine feces. In her defense, I guess that's no worse than actually marketing said feces as Adam Sandler movies.

2. Braindead: One of Peter 'Lord of the Rings' Jackson's earlier works which features matricide, horrible massacres with huge amounts of gore and vomit, and an abused zombie infant. This is a comedy, BTW.

1. The Trump Card: A certain video Putin keeps in a safe somewhere involving Trump, a couple of ladies for hire and a hotel bed that the maid wasn't so keen to clean.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
How To Make A SINGAPORE SLING COCKTAIL

Ingredients
1 cup ice
1 1/2 fluid ounces gin
1/2 fluid ounce cherry-flavored brandy
1/4 fluid ounce triple sec
1/4 fluid ounce Benedictine liqueur
4 fluid ounces pineapple juice
1/2 fluid ounce lime juice
1/2 fluid ounce grenadine syrup
1 cup ice
1 slice fresh pineapple
1 maraschino cherry

Directions
1. Fill a Collins glass with 1 cup ice and set aside in the freezer.
2. Combine gin, cherry-flavored brandy, triple sec, Benedictine, pineapple juice, lime juice, and grenadine in a cocktail shaker. Add 1 cup ice, cover and shake until chilled. Strain into the prepared Collins glass.
3. Garnish with slice of pineapple and a cherry.

=

Why I Fancied An Unprecedented Epic June 12 SINGAPORE SUMMIT

Players
1 hungrier Donald J. Trump (1/4 Crock, 1/4 Crap, 1/2 Inaccuracy) [I'll bring 1 National Security Adviser plus 1 Secretary of State; I'll sleep in Shangri-La Hotel]
1 ridiculed Kim Jong Un (1/2 Butcher, 1/2 Farce) [He'll sleep in St. Regis Hotel]

Specific Goals
1. Appease 1 nervous undecided Moon Jae-in. (Check!)
2. A widened circle of Republican friends which I'll definitely persuade for future crucial help. (Check!)
3. If I produce 1 signed insignificant piece of paper, I'll induce a so-called unified denuclearisation and see genuine undivided peace. (Check!)
4. Unquestionably, I'll clinch 1 iconic Nobel Prize. (I hope!)

3rd - Ellie Dent with:

It is a sunny morning in the Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his

little chair at the table. He looks into his cereal bowl. It's empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he cries.

Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in the huge chair. He looks into his cereal bowl. Why, that is empty too!

"Whatever... who's been eating my porridge?" he roars grumpily. Mother Bear pokes her head out of the kitchen door

and yells out: "Oh for Christ's sake, how many damn times do we have to go through this? Why, it was me, Mother Bear

who got up first, and way before you.

~

It was housekeeper Mother Bear, who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put all yesterday's dishes away.

It was I, Mother Bear myself, who woke everybody. Mother Bear who went out in filthy rain or hail, in the brisk

morning air in a shabby sheepskin coat to fetch papers. I, sensible Mother Bear, who set the high table. Mother Bear,

no other, who put Grimalkin, the cat out. OK? Satisfied? Right, now that you shiftless barbarians have come

downstairs to grace me with your presence, just listen good, you blighters, I am only going to say this once.

I HAVEN'T MADE THE F*****G PORRIDGE YET!"

Tony Crafter with:
Two brothers were waiting to see an army doctor in preparation for being conscripted.

A young man came out of the doctor's office and said to the brothers: "The doc says I am M.E. that's 'medically exempt', because I wear a surgical truss."

The first brother had a sudden brainwave and gave the bloke ten pounds to let him wear the truss for his examination...

When he came out he gave the thumbs up to his waiting brother and exclaimed, "Yes, I did it! I'm M.E. as well."

So the second brother quickly put on the truss before going in for his examination.

When he got inside the examination room the doctor asked him: "How long have you been wearing a truss?"

"Three years sir," he replied.

The doctor said, "Okay, you're M.E"

"Does that mean I don't have to go in the army?" asked the brother.

The doctor replied: "No, in your case it means Middle East. If you can wear a truss upside down for three years, you can ride a camel!"

=

A mousey young woman named Phoebe had tiny breasts and was too afraid to have them surgically enhanced. So she went to the doctor to find some other means to enlarge her mammaries.

"I've a miracle exercise for you to try at home," said the doctor. "Merely wave your arms about and recite the mantra: 'I must, I must, increase my bust' over and over again."

Phoebe was rather dubious about it, but stayed up all night doing the repetitious exercise.

The next morning, she was more than a little surprised to see that her breasts definitely had grown a fair bit!

A co-worker noticed the difference too, and enquired what she'd done, so she told him about the miracle indoor exercise.

Next day, the same co-worker came in with a huge smile on his face, sporting a bulge in the front of his trousers.

"Wow, what's happened to you?" said Phoebe.

Grinning, he rotated his hips and recited: "Hickory, dickory, dock..."

Dharam Khalsa with:
I stopped to pick up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed grateful for the ride,
but before he got inside, he said, "Thanks, but why would you stop for me?
I'm a total stranger. How did you know I'm not some crazed serial killer?"
~
"How? Bud, I realized that the odds of two serial killers being in my car,
at the same time, are astronomical!"

I spoke politely, but the stupid hitchhiker took off toward deep dusky undergrowth.
Humph, no sense! Go figure!

Rik Sengupta with:
Simply all the biggest (and indeed, seriously unexpected) spoilers **REVEALED** from the seven Harry Potter books in the popular children's series:

1. the Philosopher's Stone
2. the Chamber of Secrets
3. the Prisoner of Azkaban
4. the Goblet of Fire
5. the Order of the Phoenix
6. the Half-Blood Prince
7. the Deathly Hallows

=

1. The fresh, beloved hero's perfect entrance.
2. The orphan's diary is toxic.
3. The dog here is his affable childish felon/crook godfather (also the Time-Turner helps briefly).
4. The noble trophy teleports people haphazardly.
5. Sirius perishes soon.
6. Snape kills Dumbledore next.
7. Voldemort then gets beaten (whoopee!!).

Dharam Khalsa with:
Top Twenty Pixar Animation Studios movies, ranked worst to best, by USA Today:
20. Cars Two
19. Cars
18. Cars Three
17. The Good Dinosaur
16. A Bug's Life
15. Incredibles Two
14. Monsters University
13. Brave
12. Finding Dory
11. Monsters, Inc.
10. Ratatouille
9. WALL-E
8. Coco
7. Toy Story Two
6. The Incredibles
5. Inside Out
4. Finding Nemo
3. Toy Story Three
2. Up
1. Toy Story
=
20. Terrible
19. Obnoxious
18. Repetitious
17. Contested
16. Star cast
15. Violent, edgy
14. Monstrous, endearing
13. Inspirational: stay strong!
12. Touching
11. Scary to kids
10. Noteworthy culinary
9. Otherworldly
8. Passionate, Day of Dead customs by tombs
7. Innovative
6. Meritorious
5. Bittersweet
4. Seaworthy
3. Dynamic
2. Wonderful
1. Terrific, Woody's best!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Benefit Of Going To Law
(Poem by Benjamin Franklin)

Two beggars traveling along,
One blind, the other lame.
Pick'd up an oyster on the way,
To which they both laid claim:
The matter rose so high, that they
Resolv'd to go to law,
As often richer fools have done,
Who quarrel for a straw.
A lawyer took it straight in hand,
Who knew his business was
To mind nor one nor t'other side,
But make the best o' the cause,
As always in the law's the case;
So he his judgment gave,
And lawyer-like he thus resolv'd
What each of them should have;
Blind plaintif, lame defendant, share
The friendly laws impartial care,
A shell for him, a shell for thee,
The middle is the lawyer's fee.
=
An honest minister descended to the halls of Hell. The
Devil looked at and read from the book, "Borghoff, Bob A.
There's a place for you here in Hell."

Aghast, he went off with the Devil. They passed a regal suite,
where he saw the shrewd lawyer that he had met playing golf,
who was kissing a woman's flesh.

That shocked the minister, who was forced into a harsh
jail cell. The minister vented, "It's not fair! My gosh, I have sinned
while alive, but why am I being sent to a harsh jail cell
for all eternity, but a crooked lawyer gets to spend all
eternity in higher comfort, making love to a woman?"

"Bob!" Satan snarled, "Who are you to quarrel about that
woman's punishment?"

Julian Lofts with:
A League Table of the Most Nasty, Vile, Dangerous Countries in the World for Women

1. India
2. Afghanistan
3. Syria
4. Somalia
5. Saudi Arabia
6. Pakistan
7. The Democratic Republic of Congo
8. Yemen
9. Nigeria
10. The United States
=
Reasons Why
1. Rape, death
2. Taliban ideology, tetanus
3. Abuse, fear, gas, death
4. Female genital circumcision, gaol
5. Torture, veil
6. Domination, distrust
7. Anarchy, infection
8. Famine, age
9. Boko Haram, AIDS
10. Weinstein, POTUS.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
2nd - Mike Torr with:
“Jabberwocky"

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

=

"O, Adjectival Hymn!"

'Twas scribbig, and the brosty wags
Did hafe and hobble in the wobe;
All boshy were the jembabags,
And the mome broths blurbscrobe.

"Beware the Adjective, my son!
The junk uncut, the league of sin!
Beware the jaded theme, and shun
The rhythm saccharin!"

He took his fruitless nib in hand:
Long time he slogged, with whisky fraught—
He faded out of his work devout,
Went totally distraught.

So while he strangely sought vermouth,
The Adjective, with rhyme attached,
Arose, its loathsome phrase uncouth,
All complex and mismatched!

One, two! One, two! It grew and grew,
Meantime a fathom hollowing!
A mammoth cheek, a shabby tweak,
A journey following.

"And did you trim the Adjective?
Knock on that wood, to burst your rage!
Oh flaming day! Thrillah! Thrillay!
Submitted! On the page!"

'Twas scribbig and the brosty wags
Did hafe and hobble in the wobe;
All boshy were the jembabags,
And the mome broths blurbscrobe.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to compete for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer said to him: 'Okay, Paddy, don't forget all the research we've done on this guy. He's never lost a match because of his 'pretzel' hold. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in that hold! If he does, you've had it.'

Paddy nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the wrestlers circled each other, looking for a probable opening. Suddenly, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.

A groan of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, knowing all was lost. He couldn't bear to watch the inevitable outcome.

All of a sudden, there was a long, high-pitched scream, followed by a cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eyes just in time to see the Russian go flying up in the air.

On landing, his back hit the mat with a loud thud and Paddy quickly jumped on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was gobsmacked! When he finally got Paddy alone, he asked, 'Okay, how'd you get out of that hold? Nobody has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered: 'Well, I was all ready to give up when he got me in that pretzel, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw a pair of testicles dangling right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so, with my last ounce of strength, I stretched my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed: 'Is that what finished him off?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.'
=
Two Labradors and a Great Dane were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's. The yellow Labrador turned to the black Labrador, nodded, and said: "Hi, my name is Tiffin. What are you here for?"

The black Labrador replied, "Hi, Tiffin, my name is Drizzle. I'm here 'cos I'm a champion pisser. I piss on everything... the sofa, the cushions, the odd cat, the children. But the final straw was last night when I sprayed hot piss right in the middle of my owner's bed and flooded it. He went totally crazy!"

The yellow Labrador said, "So what is the vet going to do? "

"He is gonna cut my nuts off forthwith," came the despondent reply. "He reckons it might calm me down."

The black Lab turned to the yellow Lab, and asked "So, what are you here for?"

"I'm a digger," announced Tiffin. "I dig under fences, I dig up the flowers and the lawn, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm in the house, I dig up the carpets. But I crossed the line last night when I dug an enormous hole in my owner's favourite couch."

"So what are they gonna do to you?" the black Lab inquired.

"It looks like I'm gonna lose my nuts too," the dejected yellow Lab said.

The black dog then turned to the Great Dane and asked: "What are you here for?"

"Oh, I'm a prize humper," stated the Great Dane. "I will hump anything. I'll hump the cat, the cushions, random kneecaps, fence posts, doors, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.

"Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending over to dry her toes. I couldn't help myself; I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

The two Labs exchanged sad glances and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?”

"No," said the Great Dane, "Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Kim Jong Un Trivia: Several hilarious (or sad) facts about the Supreme Leader of North Korea and "Sexiest Man Alive"
(courtesy of "Useless Daily: the facts and trivia newsletter")

* He attended school in Switzerland secretly as "Pak Un."

* His headmistress introduced him to the sixth class as Pak Un from North Korea, and the son of a diplomat.

* Apparently, he was a big zero in his academic studies. He sucked at maths. He never passed any exams and stayed fascinated with basketball and computer games.

* He was once caught with a bondage magazine in his school bag!

* The situation went so bad that his father took him out of the International School of Berne and got him an admission in a state school, where he was placed in a lower grade level.

* He is, to present day, a huge basketball fan.

* At the age of twenty-seven, he allegedly underwent plastic surgery to resemble his grandfather Kim Il Sung.

* At the age of twenty-nine, The Onion newspaper announced him to be the “Sexiest Man Alive” for the year. “With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true.”

* Apparently, nobody knows his true age, and he won’t tell. They say he was born in either nineteen-hundred-eighty-two, -three or -four.
~

* He has a bad addiction to Swiss cheese. The North Korean government must spend tens of thousands of pounds per year to import the Swiss cheese that he enjoys, while the rest of the country starves.

* When his father died, he made certain that he was grieved wholeheartedly and gets remembered by all of North Korea.

* Allegedly, anyone who balked at a mourning or memorial event was taken away to a labour camp for six months.

* When an assistant chief of the Ministry of the People's Armed Forces attended his father's mourning drunk, the victim was allegedly executed. So rash!

* He oversaw his grieving uncle and aunt executed in a ghastly brutal way. It had been reported the uncle was stripped naked and thrown alive into a cage of ravenous dogs to finish him off. But, that saga didn't stop there. He allegedly retaliated against the aunt by means of a poisoning because she was angry at her husband's execution. I can't even imagine!

* The leader has always cut his own head hair. That shaggy patch is so popular in the militarized country it goes by a name: "Ambitious!"

* It is well known that male students in North Korea are asked, and agree, to mimic his hairstyle.

* Currently, one of his heroes is the snazzy NBA player Dennis Rodman, thanks to a confirmed basketball obsession.

Adie Pena with:
JUNE
by Carl Sandburg

Paula is digging and shaping the loam of a salvia,
Scarlet Chinese talker of summer.
Two petals of crabapple blossom blow fallen in Paula's hair,
And fluff of white from a cottonwood.

=

SINGAPORE

Kim Jong Un can't have bowlfuls of bibimbap at St. Regis Hotel,
Actually a palace for a few and powerful men.
But he's got sad Donald Trump's official ear in Shangri-La,
Proof of how madness calls all.

Rik Sengupta with:
The Cow
A short poem by Ogden Nash

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

=

Newton
The homage by Rik

Newton is of the divine school;
Hampered hot meets bookish cool.

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY