1st - Meyran Kraus with:
I say Trump indicates ~
Americans' stupidity.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The schoolmaster's summer vacation =
Remains at home - travel costs so much!
3rd (eq) - Ellie Dent with:
Extreme heat warning =
A nightmare: we're next!
3rd (eq) - Tony Crafter with:
Unisex lavatories =
Anxious relatives!
Christopher Sturdy with:
No vest? Naked?!... ~
Don't even ask!
Ellie Dent with:
Ageism =
Me? I sag??!
David Bourke with:
Ever had a frosty night ~
on the graveyard shift?
Rick Rothstein with:
Help, I've fallen and I can't get up =
Huge ill-fated event. Plan? Panic!
Rik Sengupta with:
The erstwhile British Empire =
We help embitter the Irish, sir!
Rik Sengupta with:
So quarrel, fight ~
for equal rights!
Adie Pena with:
Tetrahydrocannabinols =
So try contraband. Inhale.
Rosie Perera with:
Portable solar panels ~
appear on stable rolls.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Every cloud has a silver lining" =
God clearly revives sun in hail.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Manifest Destiny =
Nasty fiends' time.
View with:
Unconditional love =
Call union - devotion
Rosie Perera with:
The snake-handling religions =
Anglos like enshrining death.
Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Reno divorcees ~
do revere coins.
John Ramos with:
Get an ~
agent.
Rik Sengupta with:
Gymnasium =
My aim: guns.
Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
No love handles ~
on Heaven's doll.
Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Strong perfume =
Grump softener.
David Bourke with:
My flesh and blood relatives =
Let's share loved family bond!
Rik Sengupta with:
His chums tolerate ~
Hitler's moustache.
Rosie Perera with:
Laser ablation surgery =
Or truly ease gal's brain.
Rosie Perera with:
Laser ablation surgeries =
Or let us ease a girl's brain.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Chinese proverb: "A needle is sharp only at one end" =
Yeah, one can never hold a president responsible!
Tony Crafter with:
Eating ~
tagine.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Standard American Diet =
"Red meat and antacid, sir?"
1st - Tony Crafter with:
'The Scream': an iconic painting by artist Edvard Munch =
Vibrant picture catches an agonised, thin man mid-cry.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Beatles recording of 'Yellow Submarine' =
Tune from below the clear sea is led by Ringo.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The television game show Countdown =
Oh, needing to use vowels to win match.
Adie Pena with:
"Mission: Impossible – Fallout" =
Is Tom plausible in film? So-so.
Rik Sengupta with:
The Mission Impossible franchise =
Tom's insane biopics? Hires himself.
Christopher Sturdy with:
‘The Sun Does Shine’ by Anthony Ray Hinton =
Shy nonentity 'n' yet his honor unabashed.
Christopher Sturdy with:
‘The Sun Does Shine’ by Anthony Ray Hinton =
Any sin? None. Yet the youth in harsh bonds.
Ellie Dent with:
The late Ms Franklin =
"Think" star fell. Amen.
Rik Sengupta with:
Apocalypse Now =
Weapon cosplay.
Ellie Dent with:
Michelangelo's The Creation Of Adam =
Meant headache of ceiling art looms!
Meyran Kraus with:
The American playwright Neil Simon =
I still hear him typing a new romance!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The new romantic comedy 'Crazy Rich Asians' =
Ritzy Chinese yacht crowd as a cinema norm?
Meyran Kraus with:
The Beatles single 'Eleanor Rigby' =
Gee, this gal's been terribly alone!
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Aretha's died? =
I'd shed a tear... :(.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The singer Madonna reaches sixty years old =
Taxidermy necessary on her, she's again told!
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Today is the centenary of The Battle of Amiens =
They often celebrate that as end of animosity.
Rosie Perera with:
Apple becomes world’s first trillion dollar company =
Will replace (or simply end) Microsoft as top brand. LOL!
View with:
Anti-Semitism on the rise in Germany =
Imagine men hate minority in stress.
Rik Sengupta with:
Ben Stokes' trial =
resistant bloke.
FatPhil with:
"Pilot" Richard Russell =
ride, rolls, crash... lit up
Rick Rothstein with:
The United States midterm elections are near =
Rats! I detected a rote Russian element in them.
David Bourke with:
Morandi bridge =
Morbid reading.
Rick Rothstein with:
Former Republican aide Omarosa Manigault- Newman ~
warns about an unreformed imperial megalomaniac.
Rik Sengupta with:
Omarosa Manigault's political memoir =
So, aim to soil megalomaniac liar Trump.
Rosie Perera with:
Space Force all the way! (Donald Trump) =
Null, empty screed. What a load of crap!
Ellie Dent with:
Soul Queen Aretha has died =
She had no equal. Rest. Adieu.
Meyran Kraus with:
US Press claiming that "We're Not The Enemy" =
The only menacing threat we see is Trump's.
Adie Pena with:
And hate idly spilled out from ~
the daily lies of Donald Trump.
Ellie Dent with:
Rain lake ~
in Kerala.
Julian Lofts with:
Bad design’s a threat, ignore it =
That bridge disaster in Genoa.
Julian Lofts with:
Trump says “I could run the probe” =
“So surly Putin corrupted me? Bah!”
Dharam Khalsa with:
President Trump’s campaign chair Paul Manafort =
Fraud trial ramps up a strong impeachment panic!
Brian Taylor with:
The new Maxime Bernier Party =
Experiment may birth new era.
Tony Crafter with:
Ex-Playmate Karen McDougal/Porn star Stormy Daniels =
Can key ladies' exposés mortally damn arrogant Trump?
Julian Lofts with:
The veteran Senator McCain has died prematurely =
Ever nasty Trump hated acclaimed hero in earnest.
Ellie Dent with:
Republican Senator McCain's died =
Able American's conduct inspired.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The least popular president in American history =
Their recent opinions say it's alpha leader Trump.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump says Google search is rigged, ~
suggests he's gray/old or a crime pig.
Meyran Kraus with:
Mueller vs. the President =
Let's end Trump's evil HERE!
1st (eq) - Ellie Dent with:
The infamous Donald =
Foolish and untamed.
1st (eq) - Meyran Kraus with:
The American playwright Neil Simon =
I still hear him typing a new romance!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Miss Mary Isobel O'Brien (The late Dusty Springfield) =
Torn genius, best of her day by a mile. Still missed. RIP
Rik Sengupta with:
Novelist Ernest Hemingway =
Sense many love the writing.
Adie Pena with:
Édith (Giovanna Gassion) Piaf ~
said: "If I have a poignant song..."
Christopher Sturdy with:
Christopher William Bradshaw Isherwood
=
Poor writer: How whimsical his balderdash.
Rik Sengupta with:
Paul Manafort =
Trap a foul man.
Rik Sengupta with:
Need a polite Oscar host? Welcome in ~
comedian/actor Leslie Townes Hope!
David Bourke with:
Don T =
DON'T!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Dina Asher-Smith =
This maid, she ran.
View with:
Andres Iniesta ‡
Inane disaster
Meyran Kraus with:
Aretha Louise Franklin =
A flair in her soul taken.
Rik Sengupta with:
Mister Cary Grant =
Merry acting star.
Rik Sengupta with:
Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani =
"Sir, you're guilty, and I'm part nut."
Dharam Khalsa with:
Former Trump aide Omarosa Manigault Newman =
Rumour: A "dog" aware of man's mental impairment.
Tony Crafter with:
Lara Bingle =
An able girl.
David Bourke with:
Salih Khater =
A health risk!
David Bourke with:
Some dollars in ~
Ransom Eli Olds.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Tesla, Inc. =
It's clean.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Standard American Diet =
"Red meat and antacid, sir?"
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
UNESCO World Heritage Site, The Galapagos Islands =
Ooh, epic! I saw loadsa large turtles' eggs in the sand!
Rik Sengupta with:
Viennetta =
I eat 'n' vent!
Meyran Kraus with:
Tesla Incorporated =
A silent torpedo car.
View with:
Tesla Motors =
Master's tool.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Reuters International News Agency =
One's area: get any intel when it's current.
Ellie Dent with:
National Disaster Response Force =
Represents a reaction, as in floods.
Adie Pena with:
See many men ask for that oily ~
Kraft Homestyle Mayonnaise.
Julian Lofts with:
The Hospital of Saint Francis =
It has a necrophilist on staff.
Rik Sengupta with:
The Anagrammy Awards Forum ~
was great for my human drama.
David Bourke with:
The Standard American Diet (S.A.D.) =
The smart Canadians dreaded it!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Each of the Beatles' signature song:
1. 'With A Little Help From My Friends'
2. 'Hey Jude'
3. 'Come Together'
4. 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps'
=
1. Ringo getting a few of them to aid him;
2. Paul cheers up the child he met;
3. Freestyle lines by John;
4. Let George sweetly strum away.
2nd - Christopher Davis with:
This news might bother a dishonest idiot "president”.
The enlightening letters I find then offer this harsh glaring truth:
~
Trump has two sides on his brain: "left" and "right"
In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The original lineup of The Supremes
1. Diana Ross
2. Mary Wilson
3. Florence Ballard
4. Betty McGlown
=
1. Glamorous, if bitchy, chief warbler
2. All woman!
3. Lean starlet died young
4. Less prominent person
Ellie Dent with:
Did you know that there exists one particular species of antelope that is capable of jumping much higher than
~
a house? I noticed powerful back legs. This might perhaps explain their notoriety. And the fact a house can't jump.
Christopher Sturdy with:
When it's thirty-five degrees centigrade (ninety-five Fahrenheit) outside
=
He regretted it is effing hot.
Heatwave isn't very funny
He desired ice in it.
David Bourke with:
'The Order of Yoni Bottled Instinct' vaginal beer from Poland =
A hint of dirty blonde, imparting controlled notes of beaver.
David Bourke with:
The original line-up of The Who:
1. Roger Daltrey
2. Pete Townshend
3. John Entwistle
4. Keith Moon
=
1. The outspoken one.
2. One fine hooter!
3. With dry wit.
4. Wild jester, mangling another hotel. Help!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Whole World
is a Series of Miracles,
but we are so used to them,
we call them ordinary Things."
— Hans Christian Andersen
=
Atoms, stars, weather, hills,
geode, trees, berries, flowers,
hyacinth, wheat, children, music,
whales, minutes, radio...on and on.
Rik Sengupta with:
List of top five highest paid film actors in the world:
5. Jackie Chan
4. Adam Sandler
3. Vin Diesel
2. Dwayne Johnson
1. Mark Wahlberg
=
5. Did "Shanghai" movies
4. Whiny, diffident jackass
3. Plans voice behind thin Groot
2. An alpha-male wrestler
1. Callow jerk from Ted.
Rik Sengupta with:
Man's life is smooth, sad, harsh, grim, or monotonous, like toilet paper.
=
It is either on a damn roll or taking shit from some pompous asshole.
Adie Pena with:
In Thailand, medics and divers came from all over the world to help unite several children with their anguished families.
=
While in the U.S., a cold, cruel man with his mad idea vilified travellers and children, separating them from their loved ones.
David Bourke with:
The late singer Aretha Louise Franklin (The Queen Of Soul) =
Real skills...there sho' nuff ain't no-one at quite her league!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The seven fundamental principles for trial and error
=
Learn
Iterate
Slip-up
Transform
Enrich, and
Never fold.
David Bourke with:
The President of the United States of America, Donald Trump =
Update: I suspect that the end's imminent for a retarded fool!
Christopher Davis with:
Allen Weisselberg, Donald Trump's accountant has immunity ~
but also ledgers, annual documents with criminal payments
Meyran Kraus with:
Each of the Beatles' signature song:
1. 'With A Little Help From My Friends'
2. 'Hey Jude'
3. 'Come Together'
4. 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps'
=
1. Ringo letting a few of them aid him;
2. Paul easily cheers the child up;
3. Freestyle anthem by John;
4. We get George to strum sweetly.
1st (eq) - Meyran Kraus with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head Amidst the ripening grain, And adds her voice to sell the song That August's here again." - Helen Winslow
=
Still Heated
That shining sun unleashed on Earth
That heinous heat I feel;
The dripping sweat and dying crops
Prove Global Warming's real.
1st (eq) - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head Amidst the ripening grain, And adds her voice to sell the song That August's here again." - Helen Winslow
=
In a village, in hot August weather,
Children laugh and play together,
Doing handstands with no fear;
Lost in happiness, 'til September's here!
3rd - Adie Pena with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
As the wildfires rage
Under the hot deathly light,
God groans in pain,
Undoing what a
September has in store. "Help us,"
The planet calls in vain.
Rik Sengupta with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
The happy raindrops laugh; a hushed first chill
Views garlands in the glen.
It need not haste and wait too long until
September's here again.
Rik Sengupta with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head Amidst the ripening grain, And adds her voice to sell the song That August's here again." - Helen Winslow
=
The Harsh Fall Trip
The air gets hostile, hard and chill,
It leaves us pond'ring how;
Gone are the patient, sleeping days,
And autumn begins now.
Ellie Dent with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
In Flanders hush, red poppies grow
The dead lie: neighbours, allies now
Languishing in death. That plant
Grave testament to His earthy clan.
Tony Crafter with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
AWAITING THE HARVEST
Lord, see the poppies, blushing red
And healthy in the Afghan sun,
As tainted traders all get rich
Now, on selling opium.
Ellie Dent with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
MEY
Talented one, he tops our poll
Standing higher than a crowd, then
Surprising us, all that view the site
Spellbinding, he's far ahead again.
Ellie Dent with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head Amidst the ripening grain, And adds her voice to sell the song That August's here again." - Helen Winslow
=
"Roses are red, violets blue."
Oh, Mey, he's participating?
Half-planning anew?
And that whilst translating?
Hasn't he delighted us enough?! Period.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
Shortsighted people spend time arranging a grand annual August holiday on the beach, whilst the wise plan the rest of their inland lives.
Ellie Dent with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
FAVORITE THINGS
Oh, Welsh hill rain, pretty red poppies
and
sun, bananas, cute little doggies
and
Danish ham - though threaten new allergies.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again." - Helen Winslow
=
If a stern surgeon has telephoned,
And I learned I had a month to live,
I'd grapple with all the angels,
"What nonsense, it's bright chirpy August!"
Ellie Dent with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
Tall red poppies in golden corn
And wild bees in flight
Laughter 'neath high endless sun
That's heaven on earth
Utopia, as a writer might say.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
'Noble and imposing'
Definitively august.
Harped how he helps The States,
Hereon great at last.
Cherishing a dollar,
"In Panhandling We Trust"
Ellie Dent with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
The devil laughs
in glee to hail
the scarlet poppy
as his own: her
blood-red stain hints
at the Great War; their
guns and flames,
unending pain.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again." - Helen Winslow
=
A calligrapher has planned his note,
An insight penned with a heartfelt sigh;
It held a loving reminder he wrote -
"O, don't let August pass us by."
Ellie Dent with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again."
- Helen Winslow
=
LOST IN AUGUST
Lady, heed Aretha when she sings
Tales of torment, love or pain.
Appreciating strength behind
A hundred hits will help, again.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"The brilliant poppy flaunts her head Amidst the ripening grain, And adds her voice to sell the song That August's here again." - Helen Winslow
=
Leo the lion until month is twenty three.
Happening after... Which star sign? Pure lass Virgo
The son's plan: lead deal
And daughter has big idea
David Bourke with:
The brilliant poppy flaunts her head Amidst the ripening grain, And adds her voice to sell the song That August's here again. - Helen Winslow=
Hello. Unhappily, with regret, I shan't enter this challenge, as I guess it is perhaps too long and hard for me, as an unenlightened twat. - David B.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A teenager, who'd just passed his driving test, asked his father when they could discuss his use of the family car.
The father said he would make a deal with the son. "Hike your grades up from a C to a B average, attend your Bible classes a bit more, and for God's sake get your bloody hair cut. Then we can talk about the car."
The son considered the offer for a moment, then opted to accept it.
After about six weeks the father came and said, "Well, you've brought your grades up and I've noticed that you're studying your Bible with a lot more zest. However, I'm really peed off that you still haven't had your hair cut."
The boy answered promptly: "You know what, father? I've been thinking about that a lot, and I noticed in my Bible studies that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and apparently there's strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
"Is that so?" replied the father. "And did you also happen to notice that they all walked everywhere they went?!!"
=
Everybody complains about the police, but you don't usually hear about the good deeds they do - such as, for example, this incident involving a stranded biker.
One bitingly cold night in January, a North Dakota State Trooper came upon a motorcyclist who had stalled by the side of the highway. The biker was swathed in heavy protective clothing and wearing a full-face helmet as a shield against the unusually harsh weather.
"Hi, buddy, what's the matter?" Said the Trooper
"Carburettor's frozen," was the despondent reply.
"Ah, you can just pee on it - the warmth should thaw it out."
"Nah, I can't," said the biker.
"Okay, just watch me and I will show you how it's done," said the trooper. Then he duly opened his fly and peed over the carburettor, as he had suggested.
A minute later the bike started easily and the rider drove off, waving a 'thank you'.
Some days later, the State Troopers' Head Office got a message of thanks from the biker's father.
It began: 'On behalf of my daughter Valerie...'
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Twelve Pixar Animated Films That Have a Deep Psychological Meaning:
12. Finding Dory
11. The Good Dinosaur
10. Inside Out
9. Brave
8. Up
7. WALL-E
6. Ratatouille
5. Cars
4. The Incredibles
3. Finding Nemo
2. Monsters, Inc.
1. Toy Story
=
12. Honor diversity
11. Friendship power
10. Expect emotion
9. Be an individual
8. Sir could dream
7. Not damaging this planet
6. Achieving dreams
5. Belong in a team
4. Use talent
3. Let a child go
2. Your scary self
1. Toys won't fail
3rd (eq) - Rik Sengupta with:
The whole list of all international test playing countries (from men's cricket):
1. England
2. Australia
3. South Africa
4. West Indies
5. New Zealand
6. India
7. Pakistan
8. Sri Lanka
9. Zimbabwe
10. Bangladesh
11. Ireland
12. Afghanistan
=
The basic idea: a dazzling lineup that reflects all official nations and wins against enemies. (I want it!)
1. Giles
2. Ponting
3. Steyn
4. Sobers (C)
5. Astle
6. Tendulkar
7. Miandad
8. Muralitharan
9. Flower, A. (WK)
10. Al Hasan
11. O'Brien
12. Khan, R.
3rd (eq) - Adie Pena with:
The Ten Highest-Grossing Disney Movies of All Time
1. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
2. Marvel's The Avengers
3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
4. Finding Dory
5. Avengers: Age of Ultron
6. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
7. The Lion King
8. Toy Story 3
9. Iron Man 3
10. Captain America: Civil War
=
1. General Organa v. Ren
2. Contain warmonger Loki
3. Go filch Death Star plans
4. 3D film on amnesiac fish
5. AI coerced to erase humans
6. Bigger sea survival
7. Simba met 3 spotted hyenas
8. Owner Andy gives toys away
9. Hero Stark v. terrorists
10. Setting the stage for the encore: "Infinity War"!
Ellie Dent with:
A boy is selling fish on a street corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "DAM FISH FOR SALE! Get your dam
fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Wait, why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Well, that is
because I caught these fish at the local dam."
The pastor buys a couple of fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish.
~
His wife: "Oh goodness, I'm staggered! It's misbecoming for you, the purest man of our church to curse that way. I thought it
was a little off." He tells her about the reason they are called dam fish. Later, he's back at home at his family
dinner table. He asks his son, Michael to pass the dam fish. His son says, cheekily: "Yessir! OK. That's real fine, Dad. Now
pass the f*****g potatoes!"
Christopher Sturdy with:
I wanted no other job than to work in newspapers. I was fascinated by the process of collecting information, talking to people and having the story appear in a paper that would be delivered in your letterbox.
Robin Leach
=
I am a bad person, do what I want and offend whoever I bloody well like. I have no conscience, not sorry if the alienated people in letterbox burkas can't appreciate the plan to target right wing party support.
Boris Johnson
1st - David Bourke with:
From the Daily Mail - To celebrate her 37th birthday, 37 things you didn't know you didn't know about the Duchess of Sussex:
1. SHE CELEBRATES HER BIRTHDAY WITH CHIPS
A childhood spent hanging around Los Angeles TV studios, where her dad, Thomas, was a lighting director, made Meghan rather fond of canteen food - specifically, chips. Since then, wherever she is in the world, she treats herself to chips and a glass of wine on her birthday.
2. SHE IS A FLUENT SPANISH SPEAKER
The Duchess interned at the U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires, Argentina, in 2002, immersing herself in the local language, before travelling to Madrid to study Spanish.
She showed off her flawless accent in 2013 when she recorded a tongue-in-cheek Spanish episode of Suits entitled The Killer of Love. Meghan also speaks basic French and Portuguese, and delighted a fan recently by greeting her in her native Filipino.
3. SHE'S EQUALLY GOOD WITH BOTH HANDS
Meghan has the rare attribute of being ambidextrous - meaning she can use both her right and left hands with equal skill.
She waves, writes and holds her handbag in her right hand, but eats, drinks and plays the guitar left-handed.
4. SHE BAKES CAKES FOR WILLS' CHILDREN
An avid foodie, Meghan regularly cooks up a storm at Nottingham Cottage, her and Harry's cosy marital home in Kensington Palace.
She loves to whip up sweet treats for her niece and nephew. When Kate was pregnant with Louis she took over trays of her signature ginger berry crumble and mini chocolate cakes.
5. SHE USED TO GIVE GIFT-WRAP CLASSES
In 2004, when she was a jobbing actress, the Duchess took a part-time position at Paper Source, a stationery shop in Beverly Hills.
There, she gave two-hour classes to customers on gift-wrapping, book-binding and calligraphy. Her old boss Winnie Park praised her 'creativity'.
6. SHE ALWAYS CARRIES TEA TREE OIL WITH HER
Meghan swears by tea tree oil, made from the leaves of an indigenous Australian tree, and never goes anywhere without a little bottle in her handbag.
The £2 product is the secret to her dewy, blemish-free complexion. 'It's my little cure-all,' she says.
7. SHE STILL PAYS TAXES IN AMERICA
Two-and-a-half months have passed since the wedding, but Meghan still isn't officially a British citizen. Not only does she have to pass the 45-minute Life In The UK Test but she must live in this country for three years before submitting her application. For now, the Duchess is technically still American, meaning she has to pay U.S. taxes on her £3.5 million fortune.
8. HER NOSE SPARKED A PLASTIC SURGERY FAD
Cosmetic surgeons the world over say they're being inundated with requests for The Meghan, a rhinoplasty procedure inspired by the Duchess's nose.
'She's probably one of the top - if not the number one - request I get,' said one surgeon. Fans are apparently drawn to its straightness and distinctive curved tip.
9. A SHOE COLLECTION WORTH £20,000
Friends say Meghan is 'shoe mad', snapping up designer pairs every time she goes abroad.
Her enviable collection is worth £20,000 and features £630 Christian Louboutin pumps and £650 Jimmy Choo boots.
Unusually, most of her shoes are too big for her size 5 feet - a deliberate choice to ensure she doesn't get blisters while out and about.
10. SHE AND HARRY HAVE NICKNAMES
Before their relationship became public, Meghan's covert name for Harry was H - and she wore a gold necklace with his initial on it in 2016. Royal insiders say the nickname has stuck, while Harry calls his wife Megs.
When she was younger, mum Doria nicknamed her Flower or Bud, while Thomas called his daughter Bean.
11. SHE'S GOT A FILTHY SENSE OF HUMOUR
Friends say Meghan has a wicked sense of humour that would make her in-laws blush.
Out-takes from Suits capture her making off-the-cuff and often filthy jokes with her co-stars. In one clip, she quizzes actress Sarah Rafferty about an on-screen liaison, asking: 'How big was he? Was he good? How long did it last?'
12. THE QUEEN SHARES HER TASTE IN BROLLIES
There may be 55 years between them, but Meghan and Her Majesty share an unlikely taste in accessories - namely, transparent umbrellas.
While the Queen has several hundred, made with coloured trims to match her outfits, Meghan posed with one in rainy Toronto during Suits. The design shields the user from the weather without obscuring their face.
13. SHE LOVES BOOKS ABOUT POLITICS
Meghan has a penchant for dense, weighty books on political philosophy and theology.
Her favourite author is political activist Noam Chomsky, and in 2016 she urged her followers to read his anti-capitalist tome Who Rules the World, describing it as a 'great read'. At school, she read The Seven Storey Mountain, the autobiography of Catholic theologian Tom Merton.
14. SHE'S THE SECOND SHORTEST ROYAL
At 5ft 7in, Meghan is the shortest member of Harry's immediate family - which explains her obsession with towering stilettos.
Hubby Harry is 6ft 1in, while William is 6ft 3in and Kate a statuesque 5ft 9in. Only the Queen, who is 5ft 4in, is shorter.
15. SHE STARRED IN A FAMOUS MUSIC VIDEO
After graduating from Immaculate Heart High School in 1999, 17-year-old Meghan appeared in a music video for singer Tori Amos.
She was paid £450 to put on a low-cut top and stand in a crowd watching Amos writhing around in a glass box to the song 1,000 Oceans. She also auditioned to dance in a video for Shakira, but failed to make the cut.
16. SHE'S THE OLDEST ROYAL BRIDE EVER
Meghan was 36 on her wedding day, making her the oldest bride to wed a non-divorced future king (Camilla was 57 when she married Charles).
Previously Kate - 29 when she married William - was the oldest royal bride since Eleanor of Aquitaine married Henry II in 1152.
Meghan is also the first ever Duchess of Sussex. There was a Duke of Sussex in the 19th century, but his two weddings failed to get royal approval.
17. SHE'S A HUGE FAN OF BOARD GAMES
Meghan has a competitive streak and loves nothing more than a quiet night in playing board games.
Monopoly is a favourite and, on the set of Suits, she stayed up 'into the wee hours' playing Apples to Apples, a popular card game, with cast-mates. She also loves jigsaws.
18. SHE'S A RELATIVE OF SHAKESPEARE
According to her family tree, the Duchess has some impressive British ancestors. She's William Shakespeare's fifth-cousin 13 times removed, and sixth-cousin five times removed to Winston Churchill - both through her father.
She's also a (very) distant cousin of Harry's. Genealogists say the pair are related 15 generations back, through an ancestor of the Queen Mother.
19. THREE FAITHS HAVE INFLUENCED HER
Born and raised a Protestant (the same faith as her mother, Doria), Meghan attended a Roman Catholic school and as a teen helped at a homeless shelter run by a Catholic charity.
Prior to her wedding, she adopted yet another faith, electing to be baptised into the Anglican Church of England as a mark of respect to the Queen.
20. SHE WAS AT SCHOOL WITH STAR SCARLETT
From two until 11, Meghan attended the Little Red School House, the educational institution of choice for children of Hollywood's elite.
She had her first starring role in a production of How The Grinch Stole Christmas. In the chorus was a shy girl named Scarlett Johansson, now one of the world's most highly paid actresses.
21. SHE WORKED IN A FROZEN YOGHURT SHOP
Aged 13, Meghan worked at Humphrey Yogart, a frozen yoghurt shop near her mother's home in California. Former boss, Paula Sheftel, remembers a bubbly, enthusiastic employee. 'She earned the minimum wage and was very popular with customers,' she recalled.
22. SHE DRIVES A VERY ORDINARY CAR
She may have ridden in a royal carriage, but when it comes to nipping to the shops, Meghan gets behind the wheel of an ordinary car. She's been spotted whizzing around London in a blue VW Golf, not much of a step up from the 'beat-up' Ford Explorer she used to drive between auditions.
23. FIRST BOYFRIEND IS A PRO BEATBOXER
The Duchess had her first kiss aged 13, when she locked lips with Joshua Silverstein, a boy she met at summer camp. Now married with two children, Joshua works as a professional beatboxer and has appeared on TV with chat show host James Corden.
Another old flame, Luis Segura, went on to become an estate agent, while Giancarlo Boccato, her high school prom date, is a property manager.
24. SHE USED TO BITE HER NAILS
Eagle-eyed fans will note that Meghan has small, rounded fingernails, always immaculately manicured in a neutral shade. This comes after years of biting her nails, a habit she broke only last year, when she made it a New Year's resolution.
25. SHE AND KATE WORE SAME DRESS
In fashion terms, Meghan and her sister-in-law are polar opposites, with the trendy new royal regularly outshining conservative Kate.
But the pair have stepped out in exactly the same outfit once before.
In 2012, Meghan appeared on the red carpet wearing the Zarita dress by Diane von Furstenberg, a sophisticated lace gown with sheer sleeves. Kate wore a full-length version of the £300 dress at a gala in 2017.
26. SHE ONLY EATS MEAT AT WEEKENDS
That to-die-for figure is the product of a rather unorthodox diet.
Meghan eats vegan food - no meat, fish, eggs or dairy - during the week, but lets herself indulge at weekends, when she admits to having 'a little bit more flexibility'.
27. SHE WAS COLLEGE SORORITY GIRL
Like many all-American students, Meghan joined a sorority - a social organisation named after Greek letters - while at Northwestern University, where she studied theatre and international relations.
28. SHE'S TRAVELLED TO AFGHANISTAN
In 2014, Meghan visited American military bases as part of a United Service Organisation tour. One of the stops was Bagram, Afghanistan, a remote spot surrounded by barbed wire to keep out the Taliban. While there, she entertained troops and their families with a light-hearted talk about Suits.
29. SHE IS A HUGE FAN OF 1930s FILMS
Meghan credits her father, a film buff, with introducing her to 1930s films. She's particularly passionate about Busby Berkeley, the director behind big-budget musical hits such as 42nd Street and Gold Diggers.
30. FIRST ROLE WAS TV SOAP
Thomas Markle pulled strings to get his daughter a role on the medical drama General Hospital in 2002. Her character, a nurse called Jill, had just five lines.
Meghan's film debut, in 2005 rom-com A Lot Like Love starring Ashton Kutcher, saw her playing a character called simply 'Hot Girl'. It was another five-line gig.
31. SHE'S GOT A MUSICAL TALENT
In a CV from her acting days, Meghan revealed an amazing array of musical talents - including playing the guitar, drums and 'finger cymbals'. She's a good singer, too, performing the lead in musicals while at school.
32. SHE WORE HER OWN JEWELLERY IN SUITS
In the days before she was draped in jewels from the royal vault, Meghan insisted on wearing her own jewellery in scenes for Suits. Every piece - such as a Claddagh Ring to represent her father's Irish heritage - had hidden meaning, and was her way of letting her personality shine through.
33. SHE CONQUERED A FEAR OF HEIGHTS
Adventure-loving Meghan has always had a touch of vertigo, but made it her mission to overcome her fear of heights.
In 2015, she posted a picture on Instagram, showing her leaping off a cliff into an aquamarine sea. 'Sometimes you have to do the thing that scares you,' she wrote.
34. SHE FAILED U.S. FOREIGN SERVICE TEST
Meghan once dreamed of being a diplomat and went as far as to take the Foreign Service Officer Test in 2002.
Her contemporaries said she would have been 'excellent' in the role. But the three-hour exam -which combined politics, maths and general knowledge - proved too difficult and she failed.
35. SHE INSPIRED A NOVEL CHARACTER
Lindsay Roth, her best friend from university, wrote Meghan into a chick-lit novel, What Pretty Girls Are Made Of, in 2015.
The heroine, Alison, is a thinly veiled portrait of the Duchess: a beautiful but struggling actress, trying to climb the career ladder and find love.
Funnily enough, Lindsay sent a copy of her book to the Duchess of Cambridge.
36. ANNA WINTOUR LENT HER A CARDIGAN
Around the same time that she started dating Harry in 2016, Meghan attended Wimbledon, where she sat in the players' box next to Vogue editor Anna Wintour.
It started to rain and, noticing Meghan shivering, Anna lent her a cardigan to cover up. Few knew who the actress was; one photographic agency placed her under the heading 'incidental people'.
37. SHE WANTS TO SET UP AN ANIMAL CHARITY
Animal-lover Meghan - who adopted two dogs in Canada and brought one, a beagle named Guy, to London - dreams of setting up a rescue charity to help abandoned pets. Sources say she hopes to work with TV vet Noel Fitzpatrick, who bagged an invitation to the royal wedding.
But all that might have to wait. Royal insiders say her focus now is on starting a family, with Meghan planning to be pregnant by her next birthday.
=
Thirty-seven more things you didn't know about her:
1. As a 15-year-old, the Duchess could, without fail, solve a Rubik's Cube in 50 to 55 seconds.
2. She is an Ashtanga yoga devotee, and she often meditates for 1 or 2 hours with her legs behind her head. She says this enables her to see things from a new perspective. A laughing Harry Wales concurs.
3. Meghan had to forgo a slice of her wedding cake, as it contained marzipan, and she is highly allergic to almonds. She always carries an adrenaline pen in case of medical emergencies caused by such food additives.
4. For several weeks in the run-up to their marriage, Harry and Meghan rehearsed the '(I've Had) The Time Of My Life' routine from Dirty Dancing for their 1st dance, and the pair actually mastered a flying lift. Sadly, the Queen wouldn't allow it, to the extreme displeasure of H.R.H. the Duke of Edinburgh. She said that the dance was 'inappropriate and undignified', although the real reason was thought to be that Charles and his 2nd wife Camilla are somewhat partial to performing the said dance in Highgrove House's garden.
5. Meghan's left foot is a size 5, but her right is a size 5 and a half. So as not to have to buy (or be given, moreover) unmatched shoes, she wedges a Penalty Charge Notice in her right one.
6. Meghan finds it hard to get used to using the term 'one' (which the British Royals use for "I" when referring to themselves in the 1st person). She can often be heard practising in the shower, warbling '...and one will always love one', to the Whitney Houston track.
7. Meghan has become fascinated with the British practice of 'dunking' biscuits in one's tea. (She has acquired a particular liking for Earl Grey, with a drop of soya milk). Her favourite dunking biscuits are McVities Ginger Nuts, followed by Co-Op own-brand fig rolls.
8. Her secret (so she thought!) pet name for Harry is 'Mac'. Not due to the American fast-food, computer, or tennis connotations, but as a humorous reference to McVities. (See above, if clarification is needed).
9. Meghan's first family pet was a ginger tomcat named Henry, which had to be neutered because it was a serial sexual predator, who would attempt to mate with table or chair legs. He lived to the ripe old age of 22.
10. Prince Philip can be driven into an apoplectic rage by Meghan's ceaseless habit of saying "And I'm like...", rather than "I then said..."
11. Meghan cherishes her 1976 Fender Stratocaster electric guitar, with a maple fingerboard, which is fitted with a brass Kahler locking tremelo, Grover tuners, a Buzz Feiten intonation system, a DiMarzio 'Super Distortion' humbucker pickup in the bridge position, and is refinished in a luxurious high-gloss deep orange sparkle. It originally belonged to Lenny Kravitz, and is reportedly worth about £2,200/£2,300. She uses Ernie Ball custom-gauge steel strings (.010", .013", .016" plain, .022", .032", .042"). For a wide palette of tonal options and textures, and some reverb, she plugs it, via a wireless transmitter, into a Kemper Profiler, then to a Sony 600w stereo hi-fi system. She can play, verbatim, Hendrix's version of Bob Dylan's 'All Along The Watchtower', Santana's 'Smooth', 'Spirit of Radio' by Rush, Asia's 'Heat Of The Moment', and 'November Rain' by Guns N' Roses, during which she wears her signed top hat, with "Velvet Revolver" in green Swarovski crystals, given to her by Slash, as a 30th birthday present. She is sometimes joined for an unrehearsed blues jam session by the Duke Of Edinburgh, who is somewhat of a dab hand with a bass guitar, as I mentioned in the previous "A list of 90 key facts about The Duke of Edinburgh" (2011).
12. She is a huge fan of the diminutive Australian actress and chanteuse Kylie Minogue (50), since tearfully watching, at the age of seven, Charlene Mitchell's screen wedding to Scott Robinson in Neighbours. Meghan watches this particular episode on VHS 5-6 times a year.
13. Her estranged elder half-sister Samantha Grant (53) was a cheerleader for the Los Angeles Rams NFL American football team in 1979.
14. Following his staged paparazzi photos, in which he was seen being measured up for a wedding suit, Meghan's (also estranged) father Thomas (74), is, I hear, planning to release his own gentlemen's fashion range, according to the aforementioned Samantha, who is a notorious chatterbox.
15. Meghan was informed of a 'Meghan Markle lookalike competition' organised by The Slough & Windsor Express, so she entered it for a laugh...but she only managed 3rd. She won herself a Royal Wedding commemorative tea towel. The runner-up (a Miss Sylvia Hussein, from Slough) won a commemorative gold-edged plate from the Franklin Mint. The winner (a Mrs Christine Sturdy, from Stoke Poges) won a lavish meal out for 2 at the exclusive Flaming Cow restaurant in High St., Eton. The ethereal Australian Windsor resident Natalie Imbruglia was a mere 12th.
16. Meghan moonlights as a Daily Mail Online journalist, under the pseudonym "Unity Blott". She specialises in "hilarious" light-hearted general interest stories, which are mostly lifted wholesale from Reddit, Instagram and Twitter.
17. Her favourite singer is Adele, to who she recently chatted backstage at the O2 Arena, south-east London. Afterwards, she confided to Harry that she hadn't understood a word that the 'Hello' songstress had said. As a result of this, Meghan is having some home tuition from his distant royal relative, EastEnders' Danny Dyer, in how to speak like a true cockney. She has also bought herself a 'Chas and Dave's Greatest Hits' CD, to assist her in her endeavours, and subsequently, she is often to be heard walking the Palace corridors, saying "gertcha!" repeatedly. Once, at a summer fete, she crept up behind the actor Hugh Grant, and she pinched his derriere, while suggestively exclaiming the aforementioned term. He was not remotely impressed...in fact, he didn't see the funny side of it at all. There ain't no pleasing Hugh.
18. She has told her husband that she would like Michael Curry (an American preacher who orated at some length at their nuptials) to baptise their future 1st child. Harry, looking to the heavens, said that this was quite out of the question, as they'll only have a 5-6 hour time slot for the event.
19. Meghan has said she would love to form a gospel choir, comprising of as many Royal Family ladies as she can muster. The shallow Beatrice said "What is a gospel choir?", the useless Eugenie said "Swerve that!", Kate said "Marvellous, sweetheart!", Fergie said "Ok yah!", the Queen icily said "Very well, if one must"...but Her Royal Horsiness Princess Anne said "Naff orf!"...with a Harvey Smith salute as a malicious afterthought.
20. Meghan performed backing vocals on 3 tracks on the solo album 'Supreme Clientele' by Wu-Tang Clan rapper Ghostface Killah.
21. She was sounded-out by NBC Universal International Networks researchers about a possible role in a new television show idea, "The Real Housewives of Kensington". She said she would love to, but a resolute Harry assertively put his foot down, calling it "shameless chav TV".
22. She plays Scrabble online, with a win percentage of 54%, a best word score of 179 (for 'HEATINGS'), a best game score of 550, has achieved 304 Bingos (a word where all seven tiles are used), and she has a respectable, if unspectacular, Elo rating of 1699. She will audition to take part as a Countdown contestant within the year.
23. Meghan enjoys watching the sitcom Mrs Brown's Boys, and she has taken to sarcastically saying "Dat's nice!" in her best attempt at an Irish brogue at any opportunity. She also finds Citizen Khan most amusing...unlike the irritable Duke of Edinburgh, who she intentionally riles and exasperates by fluttering her eyelashes and referring to him as "papaji" in a girly-girly Asian Brummie accent. The matter is not at all helped when Prince Harry joins in, and in character as hapless Amjad, gormlessly addresses the Duke "Hello, sir!"
24. A remorseful Meghan incurred the extreme wrath of H.R.H. The Queen by calling out for Vulcan, one of the royal dorgis (a cross of a dachshund and a corgi) in her admittedly rather accurate Her Majesty vocal impersonation. Vulcan came enthusiastically running to Meghan immediately...then upon seeing Her Majesty at the end of the corridor he had sprinted from, the poor perplexed pooch spun around several times, then he sprinted back from whence he came, knocked over her exquisite 1759 Chippendale table, smashing a priceless Ming vase, then he deposited a "present" on a historic rug which was a wedding gift to her and Prince Philip from King Faisal of Iraq.
25. When Prince Philip met Meghan's mother, Doria Ragland (61), he enquired of her, in all seriousness, if she had brought any blow with her.
26. Meghan's first husband Trevor Engelson (41) will be appearing as a contestant in the forthcoming series of Strictly Come Dancing. He hopes to be paired with Oti Mabuse.
27. Meghan has decorated an entire wall of Nottingham Cottage with 200-300 posters of her beloved childhood crush, the Welsh rock 'n' roll heart-throb Shakin' Stevens. As for these images, any that include Bonnie Tyler in them have had Tyler's face cut out with scissors, or defaced with a Sharpie felt-tip pen.
28. H.R.H The Queen secretly told Meghan that she occasionally loves to do the rowing dance to 'Oops Upside Your Head', (the 12" version) as it was "about the only chance one gets to sit down". On such occasions she has been known to summon as many as 170 wearied housekeepers, aides and flunkies to sit on the floor behind her, down the Palace corridors. Meghan secretly told her father about this...and straightaway, he "secretly" told the press, for 1,200,000 dollars. Expect this to be global headline news tomorrow, the Gap Band to rapidly re-release 'Oops Upside Your Head', and for Mark Ronson to sue them, for plagiarising 'Uptown Funk'.
29. Princess Beatrice asked Meghan if there was a way she could help her approximate her blend of effortless chic elegance and streetwise sassiness. Meghan replied: "Yeah, go get a job!" (In fact, this is Meghan's stock reply to anything that the bone idle Beatrice asks her). Beatrice was so upset that she immediately set off for a 21-day Seychelles holiday.
30. Last Christmas, she had the entire royal family (except for the waspish H.R.H. Princess Anne, who had a face like a slapped backside) in stitches, at Balmoral, where she performed an impromptu post-dinner ventriloquist act, with the adorable Prince George (5) sitting on her lap, as the dummy.
31. Meghan, under the name of Rachel from London, sent a dedication to BBC Radio 2's 'Steve Wright's Sunday Love Songs', for "her fiancé", her "best friend" and her "soulmate", Harry, who she apparently "loves to the moon and back", saying that he was "beautiful inside and out" and that she "couldn't wait to spend the rest of their lives together". Her chosen tune was 'Amazed' by Matchbox 20. She looks forward to after 4.00pm every Friday afternoon, when she religiously listens to Wright's Serious Jockin' segment, also on Radio 2. By the way, that's Jockin' with no G. Did I mention that there is no G in Jockin'?
(Ed.: "Er, yes. Get on with it!")
32. When she met The Duke of Edinburgh, the first thing he said to her (with his usual particular sensitivity) was "Don't have anything to do with that dashed Fergie woman!". She was so worried about offending him that she immediately threw away all her Black Eyed Peas 33 rpm albums, all signed "Yo! will.i.am xx". These were fished out of the Palace gold-plated wheelie-bin forthwith, by several equerries of H.R.H. Prince Edward, who now spends all his leisuretime in front of his bedroom mirror, gyrating wildly to "I Gotta Feeling" and "My Humps", with a hairbrush (not his, obviously) as a microphone.
33. She has had her portrait painted by the Chatham artist Billy Childish, co-founder of the Stuckist movement.
34. Meghan is a good friend of Gwyneth Paltrow, and the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of every month, she goes around to Paltrow's sumptuous Primrose Hill house, with her best friend Jessica Mulroney, for hot stone massages, intimate steaming, and "Body Vibes" health evenings, to "rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies' auras".
35. Meghan arranged, in return for a hefty fee (believed to be about 250,000 Euro) towards the on-going building works, to have the Sagrada Familia basilica, in Barcelona, closed to the general public for 6 hours so she and Harry could see it in complete privacy.
36. Meghan is of 1/32nd Xhosa heritage, through her great-great-great-grandfather, Thando Gugulethu Mhlambiso, an assegai-wielding ruthless warrior who hailed from what is now Vereeniging, in Gauteng province, South Africa.
37. She regularly gives bread, sweets, berries and raw cashew nuts to a bushy-tailed squirrel which has taken, when hungry, to waiting expectantly by her patio doors at Nottingham Cottage. She has named it Charlie, saying that as she is as yet unsure of the gender it identifies as, and as she doesn't want to just assume it, she wanted a name that would cover all eventualities.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The common cormorant or shag
Lays eggs inside a paper bag.
The reason you will see, no doubt,
It is to keep the lightning out.
But what these unobservant birds
Have never noticed is that herds
Of wandering bears may come with buns
And steal the bags to hold the crumbs.
=
I've heard a thought that counting sheep
Is a ruse to bring on sleep
Ah, possibly, but it's flawed,
Not least because when I am bored
I engage my mind with numbers -
An active brain's not one that slumbers.
Have cold baths or some odd grog,
Stretch then yawn or stroke the dog.
3rd - Rik Sengupta with:
Strawberries
Edwin Morgan
There were never strawberries
like the ones we had
that sultry afternoon
sitting on the step
of the open french window
facing each other
your knees held in mine
the blue plates in our laps
the strawberries glistening
in the hot sunlight
we dipped them in sugar
looking at each other
not hurrying the feast
for one to come
the empty plates
laid on the stone together
with the two forks crossed
and I bent towards you
sweet in that air
in my arms
abandoned like a child
from your eager mouth
the taste of strawberries
in my memory
lean back again
let me love you
let the sun beat
on our forgetfulness
one hour of all
the heat intense
and summer lightning
on the Kilpatrick hills
let the storm wash the plates
=
Mangoes
The only mangoes worth it
were the ones I ate
one dark suburban evening
standing windwhipped
at the broken door to the storekeeper's roof
all by myself
my withered shoulders
bearing the green pot
the rosy mangoes artistic
in the gathering dusk
I ate them raw
perhaps alone
rushing to finish
that hour of solitude
the new pot licked clean
left carefully on the roof
with the shrunken skins
I tasted that breath
in that drunk, sweet air
on my lips
a moment of rare aloneness
careworn sorrow
sweet smell of mangoes
in my dreams
brew that serene breath again
let me feel it
let the stars shine
on the peaceful interlude
of thirty minutes
the evening chill
pouring into the trite Calcutta sorrow
let the moon laugh with the boy
Tony Crafter with:
MAMMA MIA
Abba
I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, w-o-o-o-oh
Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.
I've been angry and sad about things that you do
I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through
And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that I'm not that strong.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, w-o-o-o-oh
Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
Mamma mia, it's a game we play
Bye bye doesn't mean forever
Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go
Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I could never let you go
=
MY MY - HERE WE GO AGAIN
(new piece)
Gee, it only seemed just like yesterday,
I saw this Abba-based movie, it seemed 'okay',
Suddenly, here's a second one,
It's much the same, but with some more of those catchy songs,
So everybody can sing along.
Just one look, my eardrums were in pain,
Pierce Brosnan bloody singing again, no-wo-wo!
'Mamma Mia - Here We Go Again',
My my, this is how they've named it,
Mamma Mia, now I know again,
Everybody will acclaim it.
True, it's one joyous movie,
True, it is good and groovy,
But, hey, why, is it I think we've been had?
Mamma Mia, I think we have gone mad
Oh yeah, and the singing truly is bad.
Look, the storyline is unduly absurd,
With the worst dialogue I ever have heard,
Realism? Hey, don't look for that!
With Meryl Streep, it's moronic, it's deeply dumb,
How on earth could Cher be her mum?
But, just one look and I took it all back,
Blown away by an Abba attack, wo-wo-wo.
'Mamma Mia Here We Go Again',
No, I didn't want to love you,
'Mamma Mia Here We Go Again'
My my, I should rise above you,
Why don't I learn to hate you?
Why won't I underrate you?
Why why? Weirdly, I've not a clue!
Mamma Mia, you've a hold on me,
Will I be hooked on you forever?
Mamma Mia you won't let me be,
No no, never never, ever.
Mamma Mia Here We Go Again
My my, suddenly I love you,
Mamma Mia now you're on again,
My my, I can't get enough, you
Removed the cynic in me,
Found the romantic in me,
My my, just what have you done to me?
Mamma Mia you firmly hold the key
My my, now I need to see you weekly!
Adie Pena with:
AUGUST
(An Acrostic Poem by John Carter Brown)
As the draught blew in
Underneath the ragged-edged door, and
Gales raged outside,
Upturning the garden furniture,
Somehow a kind of peace and
Tranquility still prevailed within.
=
AUGUST?
American president and high-powered bigwig,
Uncouth jerk who badgered, and quite a pig.
Glorious grandfather he's not;
Unrefined old Donald and a wretched rot.
Stately or venerable ain't he,
Trump isn't august certainly!
Meyran Kraus with:
Confounds the Science
(A parody by Don Caron via Simon & Garfunkel)
Hello darkness my old friend.
It’s time for him to tweet again,
But first he’ll have to check in with Fox News,
Cause that’s the only place he gets his clues.
That’s how things get planted in his brain,
Where they remain
And it confounds the science.
The problem is he’s not alone.
He tweets to people on his phone
That global warming is a giant hoax
Perpetuated by the liberal folks,
And he hires people that all think the same,
That play his game
And it confounds the science.
When he talks to crowds of four,
He sees ten thousand, maybe more,
Believing they all think he’s God on Earth
And was the product of a virgin birth,
And if you disagree, you’re the victim of fake news
Or feminist shrews
And it confounds the science.
“Fools,” says he, “you do not know,
It makes me smart from so much dough.
I know exactly where the problems are”,
But his solutions are beyond bizarre,
Cause his words never quite a sentence make,
And thus he spake
And it confounds the science.
No limits on pollution now,
There’s not a thing we don’t allow.
Dump the garbage in the waterway,
Spray the toxins where your children play.
All the signs say that life on the planet is headed for a downward fall -
Go to the mall,
And continue to confound the science.
=
Mr. Oaf and Sons
(The Feds via another Simon & Garfunkel hit)
Going to Trump Tower for some sinister exchange,
Hoping to get dirt on the opponent -
There is nothing that a bit of treason can't arrange.
Well, who's the chump, Mr. Oaf and Sons?
Fiendish Putin loves your low IQ
(It's a two.)
What empty heads, Mr. Oaf and Sons!
Eric barely speaks, but it's OK:
He can say
"KKK".
Dupe the public, daze the pundit, deepen the divide,
Make sure they can't tell which is which now;
Tweet all night to fool us so we fail to get a clue,
Yet the only foolish ones are you.
Keep flinging terms, Mr. Oaf and Sons:
"Witch hunt", "China", "Clinton broke the law",
Blah-blah-blah.
We get the ruse, Mr. Oaf and Sons;
Notice that these little tricks you play
Fade away,
Day by day.
Have a home of solid gold and hunt the near-extinct.
Cheat with cheap-ass chicks and buy their silence.
Get those tax exemptions for the rich and not the rest,
Then lie and say it's for the best.
The end is nigh, Mr. Oaf and Sons.
Cohen's screwed and Manafort is too.
Boo-hoo-hoo.
We think it's time, Mr. Oaf and Sons,
Mueller booked a special place in hell
In his cell.
Wish you well...
Where have you gone, Lincoln and McCain?
Some Republicans were wise and true,
Through and through.
Yet we'd endure Mr. Oaf and Sons,
Even let him build this senseless fence...
Our defense?
They ain't Pence.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The names for a Penis: Cock; willy; todger; knob; dipstick; ~
prick; tool; winky; dick; male-bone; dong; pisser; shaft; etc...
2nd - Adie Pena with:
As he farted silently in an elevator... ~
a lot leave, instantly need fresh air!
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
It is rude to stare =
I do treasure tits.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Sure signs a person is getting old and past it =
A senile git grunts and penis droops / tits sag.
David Bourke with:
The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel =
Filth! Eighteen Catholic penises!
Rik Sengupta with:
Harvey Weinstein =
Sweaty vein in her.
Brian Taylor with:
Not of this earth =
Hot Fortean shit!
View with:
Hyperspermia =
Prime spray, eh?
Adie Pena with:
To have sex in the backseat of the car or ~
over a hot breakfast as the next choice?
Meyran Kraus with:
When it's a guy sitting in cold water ~
it's certain his wang would get tiny!