1st - David Bourke with:
Something the cat dragged in =
Mice and things got gathered.
2nd (eq) - Christopher Sturdy with:
The disgraced lover =
Glad there's divorce.
2nd (eq) - Adie Pena with:
Proposed a ceasefire =
Does aspire for peace.
Meyran Kraus with:
Try gift horse, ~
Troy fighters! ;)"
David Bourke with:
Involuntary Celibates ‡
It's beaver, continually!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
De gustibus non est disputandum =
But dude isn't mad to sup Guinness!
John Murray with:
Waiter, there's a fly in this soup! =
A fleshier sup! Why not eat it, sir?
Tyler Severance with:
The Donald's future =
Note a flushed turd.
View with:
He tasted ~
the dates.
George Missailidis with:
Global warming is enhanced =
I am enabling world changes.
George Missailidis with:
The Laws of Science =
Few catholics seen.
George Missailidis with:
Creatures in the oceans =
Here I note crustaceans.
David Bourke with:
When she tries to buy a wedding dress ~
witness her sudden weight, dear boys!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The average family-run public house =
Place I have my usual four-beer night.
Tyler Severance with:
Wiped tears =
Wet despair.
Tony Crafter with:
Tergiversate =
Revise target.
John Murray with:
Our single-use plastic =
Islets clog up, ruin sea
Micah Newman with:
National security =
Insularity, at once!
Tyler Severance with:
Hurricane force winds =
I saw reinforced churn.
Ellie Dent with:
Forest fire ~
of fir trees.
View with:
Asteroids =
O, disaster!
George Missailidis with:
"Algebra is pure ~
pleasure!" I brag.
FatPhil with:
Groom, nastily, ~
'too many girls'
Tyler Severance with:
Make lots of noise =
One fool's mistake.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The anagrammatist's addiction ‡
This attraction damages a mind.
George Missailidis with:
The historical Egyptian pyramids =
Alien cryptography amid this site.
George Missailidis with:
The modern flat earth beliefs =
Don't! The lies rather baffle me!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Grapefruits =
Grief: a spurt!
George Missailidis with:
School assignment is due ‡
Such is meaningless to do!
George Missailidis with:
The most famous actors =
Utmost of camera shots.
turnip with:
Keeps kosher ‡
He seeks pork
turnip with:
Keeps kosher ‡
He seeks pork
George Missailidis with:
The big restaurant =
That burger is neat!
George Missailidis with:
A U.S. shooting =
So I shot a gun.
George Missailidis with:
Sun and water =
Nature dawns.
View with:
Beware of the Dog =
Get bad "Woof!" here.
1st - Ellie Dent with:
'Seascape' by Claude Monet =
Ocean's calm, beauty's deep.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Walt Disney Live-Action Remake =
New movie lacks a real identity.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The latest Danny Boyle movie 'Yesterday' =
Any tidy love story may need the Beatles.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Tiger Who Came To Tea =
The cat ate to weigh more?
Ellie Dent with:
Barry's unforgettable James Bond theme music =
Must remember also a big tune's crafted by John.
Adrian Hickford with:
The Promenade Concerts at the Royal Albert Hall =
Blatantly compelled to hear an orchestra there.
Tyler Severance with:
The Marvel Cinematic Universe =
Men have circumvent realities.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Disney remakes =
See many kids there.
George Missailidis with:
Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman =
I'm odd, brainy, honored flying superhero!
View with:
Animated characters Mickey and Minnie =
Archaic mice entertained many kids, man
Micah Newman with:
William Faulkner’s epic novel The Sound and the Fury =
A flatland hunk’s confusion multiplied everywhere
George Missailidis with:
Legendary Tale of Saint George =
I get to slay a green dragon. Flee!
Ellie Dent with:
The Beatles' Abbey Road Studios in London =
Ooh, notable boy band use address in title!
Dharam Khalsa with:
C.M. Coolidge painting of "Dogs Playing Poker" =
Dang! Cigar-smoking Fido lot copying people.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Garner’s Modern English Usage =
He's redressing language norm.
Tyler Severance with:
A Never Ending Story =
Very intense Dragon.
Rosie Perera with:
Daniel Ek, the billionaire CEO of Spotify =
I keep a lot of cash. I do it by "relief" online.
FatPhil with:
Daily Mail reporters =
Merry editorial pals.
<
Jesse Frankovich with:
The entertainment category =
I greet any art theme content.
Tony Crafter with:
The American singer-songwriter Taylor Alison Swift =
Resistant? This willowy crooner's a friggin' maneater!
George Missailidis with:
Beethoven's Fur Elise =
Love his tunes! Be free!
View with:
"Walking on the moon" =
We look... "Nothing, man!"
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
No-deal Brexit =
Boxed in later.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The 'Bollocks to Brexit' campaign =
Am expecting to halt/block Boris
3rd - John Murray with:
Parliament suspended ~
as PM tends dire EU plan
Adie Pena with:
This is a white man's country =
Why not? Isn't this us, America?
View with:
The sign: "No to Boris, Yes to Europe" =
Eye-opener! Brits shouting so too.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Mary Louise McDonald, president of Sinn Fein =
I mean no surprise, I'd stiffly condemn "no deal".
Adrian Hickford with:
Donald's future =
Fraudulent sod
Snafu with:
Democratic debates =
Academics do better.
Ellie Dent with:
The El Paso, US shooting =
I lose hope at gunshots.
View with:
The Taliban fighters =
Let's hit Afghan tribe.
Meyran Kraus with:
The massacre in Walmart =
What racism means later.
Meyran Kraus with:
A shooting in El Paso - and another one in Dayton =
In one day?! That poor old nation has gone insane!
David Bourke with:
The constitutional right to bear arms =
Hot trouble starts in America tonight.
Adie Pena with:
The Dayton, Ohio and El Paso, Texas shootings. =
Sigh. One has to explain son's death today, too.
Rosie Perera with:
Thoughts and prayers after El Paso =
A useless hope for that Grand Party.
George Missailidis with:
The "currency manipulator" =
"Truly one race: China!" - Trump.
Meyran Kraus with:
Politicians' "thoughts and prayers" =
I groan, "This crap? Don't say it... Help us."
Julian Lofts with:
Kashmir dispute =
Skirmish update.
David Bourke with:
Epstein dead =
A pest indeed!
Meyran Kraus with:
The disgraced billionaire Jeffrey E. Epstein =
Real creep dying in jail before he's testified.
View with:
Jeffrey Epstein commits suicide =
Crime? Justice? Piss off!...Need my tie!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Trump holds baby whose parents were shot in El Paso =
Simple answer: Photo op and show by heartless brute.
George Missailidis with:
Drama enters China =
The darn Americans!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Boosterism =
Boris's Moet
Jesse Frankovich with:
Biden claim =
"I can be mild."
Rosie Perera with:
Shooting in Philadelphia =
Piled on high in a hospital.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump is proposing to buy Greenland from Denmark =
It's not for sale or merger, damn pudgy-born Pumpkin!
Meyran Kraus with:
President Donald's newest goal =
Despot said, "Let's own Greenland!"
Julian Lofts with:
Mister Peter Henry Fonda is now deceased =
Men showed respect to an 'Easy Rider' fiend.
George Missailidis with:
So what really takes place in Area Fifty-One? =
Only talk of "far-away alien species" thereat.
Tony Crafter with:
Prince Andrew - his role in the Epstein scandal =
"I was the sinner's innocent pal," he declared. ("RIP").
Rosie Perera with:
Trump says Jews disloyal if they vote for Democrats =
Idiot: "Hasty cowards left my party, for Jesus loves me!"
Christopher Davis with:
Donald J Trump remains unabashed but reckons ~
let's just drop bombs and nuke a damn hurricane.
Ellie Dent with:
A bit cross, ~
Boris acts!
George Missailidis with:
Fires on this earth =
The air is not fresh :(
Ellie Dent with:
The US right to bear arms =
Tears at her tomb? I shrug.
FatPhil with:
MEP Nigel Farage's racist rhetoric =
I prefer to rag at Islam, screeching
Dharam Khalsa with:
Hurricane Dorian grows into category three storm =
No time to worry. Can't ignore her hardcore air gusts!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Disgraced billionaire Jeff Epstein =
Bad creep dies in jail. No grief is felt.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
PM BoJo =
Mop job.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The dead Epstein's former partner Ghislaine Maxwell =
She prepared a girl for sex-dates, all with eminent men.
Ellie Dent with:
Ms Carrie Symonds =
Scary modern miss!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Louise Porton =
Our spoilt one.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Louise Porton =
Solution: Rope!
Ellie Dent with:
Don and Boris =
As in, born odd!
View with:
Actress Sharon Stone =
On screen shot as star.
David Bourke with:
Donald/Boris =
Blood drains!
View with:
Christiane Amanpour =
I am a pure CNN host. Air!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Saint George, the patron saint of England =
Gent's gone far to annihilate dragon pest.
David Bourke with:
Toni Morrison (Chloe Ardelia Wofford) =
An admired writer of color. Foolish? No.
Tony Crafter with:
British socialite Ghislaine Noelle Marion Maxwell ~
machinates ole billionaire's illegal sex with minor.
Ellie Dent with:
'The Donald' and Boris =
Blonds tend a hairdo.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ghislaine Noelle Marion Maxwell =
I alone will manage minor-sex hell.
Brian Taylor with:
Ghislaine Maxwell =
An illegal sex whim.
George Missailidis with:
The legendary Muhammad Ali =
Immune, hardy. Lethal damage!
David Bourke with:
The politician Nicola Ferguson Sturgeon MSP =
Pro-European, anti-English conflicts...I must go!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Political comedian and singer Randy Rainbow =
Oddball parody is winning American reaction.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Waterloo Station, England =
Get a train, London to Wales!
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Great Depression =
I presented shortage.
3rd - Tyler Severance with:
Walmart Incorporated =
Married to Walton crap.
Adrian Hickford with:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention =
Favored personnel train to end necrosis etc.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The National Rifle Association =
I hail Senate a lot for inactions
Christopher Sturdy with:
Action Counters Terrorism ~
or arrests occur not in time!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Abbey Road Studios ~
do audio by Earth's best.
Micah Newman with:
Chicago Manual of Style =
Famously niche catalog
Meyran Kraus with:
Donald Trump's White House ~
now led to deaths. Usurp him!!!
Micah Newman with:
Seattle, Washington =
Instant wet galoshe.
View with:
The Cincinnati Masters =
Air nicest tennis match.
Adrian Hickford with:
Roswell & Area Fifty-One =
Story of alien welfare.
Adie Pena with:
Amtrak (National Railroad Passenger Corporation) =
More pairs and girls took a train, not a car or a plane.
Rosie Perera with:
The Amazon Rainforest =
A fire mars that zone. No!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Guns & Ammo Magazine =
Amusing Amazon gem?
George Missailidis with:
The Australian Desert =
Later the sun radiates.
George Missailidis with:
Game Fortnite =
Men gotta fire!
1st - George Missailidis with:
Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi and the U.S. President Donald Trump =
Math genius, a tempered old Indian, and the dumbest hair transplant.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The top three Democratic presidential candidates
3 (1) Bernie Sanders
2 (2) Kamala D. Harris
1 (3) Elizabeth Warren
(Previous Ranking)
=
3 (1) Senior mind renews patriarchal trend
2 (2) Abracadabra! I'm still here!
1 (3) Takes the prize as the dedicated one.
(Previous Ranking)
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
WARNING: If you get a link hedded 'Free Porno' dont opin it.
It is a very narsty birus wich mukcs upp your sbellcheck and it also ~
garbels up yoar whiting.
I recieved it but luckly I dont does porn so I dint opin it.
Can yuh plaese warm yuhr frends.
Ok?
Fancks.
Ellie Dent with:
My girlfriend Florence, who's nicknamed Flo, said she had always fancied a marriage that would be just like a fairy tale. ~
Fine. So Sunday, a warm magical July day, I kissed her and...well, left her in the dark magical forest with a nice loaf of bread.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Eton and Oxford, major bastions of privilege for the English upper classes ~
give us a spoilt prat, the gross moronic Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson
David Bourke with:
Jeffrey Epstein's alleged suicide in the Metropolitan Correctional Center =
The Clintons rejoice in a telling sense of deep Democratic Party true relief!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids. =
It's a sad target: Biden stands as a wild joker. Shut this joker up!
David Bourke with:
The British socialite Ghislaine Noelle Marion Maxwell =
I lament I enable the millionaire's sex with a schoolgirl
Dharam Khalsa with:
Madman Trump asked his minions to look into his goal of buying Greenland. Then, I respond ~
"Perhaps nobody's telling him it's an autonomous island region in the Kingdom of Denmark!"
David Bourke with:
Jeffrey Epstein and His Royal Highness Prince Andrew =
Friends happy searching for teen jennies. Hardly wise.
Christopher Davis with:
How Trump's red hats enable hate - they honor fake faith leaders ~
and they shall wear the mark of the beast upon their foreheads.
Dharam Khalsa with:
These two men go to the Washington, DC bar. The first man says to the bartender, "I'll have an H2O, please."
=
They chat. The pal tells the server, "Now, bring me an H2O too." A brief toast ends. Now aghast, the man dies!
David Bourke with:
The purchase of Greenland from Denmark by the United States of America =
A mad scheme, I sure can see. The breathtaking effrontery of Donald Trump!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.=
A Poem On The Cause Of It
To pals too lazy to protest
Who tease "No, we won't vote",
To pliant heads who are oppressed
But wouldn't "rock the boat",
To masses full of prejudice
Who indicate no shame,
I guess I'll mainly comment this:
Don't delegate the blame.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
Two leftist opponents loomed
To outwit a pompous ass,
But the moment seemed doomed -
What major hoodoo, alas...
Chutzpah gone, we'll be cursed.
The poet Yeats and I agree:
"The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."
3rd - Adie Pena with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
The Parallels Between the PM and the Prez
Doubts on mandate – "Leave the EU soon!"; "Build my wall now!"
Afford to mock awesome women
Untruths, lies; no ethics, too
Claim to eject those aliens today; got the ego of a white racist
Pisspot populist; a sod, too!
Adrian Hickford with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
Loathsome fiasco-clown, Donald Trump, and an actual all-out nincompoop, Boris Johnson, are two sweaty fools that epitomize the statement. However, that weak people bought the bigoted politics of these odious weasels seems utterly demented.
Tony Crafter with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
The Houses of Parliament. A hallowed but woebegone institute that now accommodates the zealots, nincompoops and pompous whatnots too. These people's vow is to sabotage the result of a democratic referendum as they jolly well didn't like it!
Rosie Perera with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
How Donald Trump was elected to lead the US is beyond me. Hillary Clinton might have made a better negotiator, who'd be less criminal, too. POTUS must show talent to make peace; not just shoot off copious tweets to appeal to Nazi fools. One weeps, eh?
Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
We note Trump is a two-faced compulsive liar, a genetic sociopath, an embarrassment too, but he is not totally incompetent. Somehow, the towheaded fellow holds onto power and holds just enough skill to meet the appetite of today's zealous base.
Ellie Dent with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are driving cabs and cutting hair."
Just so. We see that statement of one late comic also spells out, simply emphasizes the lament about fools and idiots at the top. We too feel doomed. Some weep.
View with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
We (people) do wonder who is good, awesome potential to be at lead, also claim who isn't. Few stooges made attempt: a mad "teetotum" Trump, a bold Johnson, hot Clinton, pathetic Carter, effete Bush too... zealous Putin, silly Khrushchev, sot Yeltsin...NO EASE!
George Missailidis with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
POTUS: the foe who wanted to own Greenland.
Uh oh, some too-unpredictable political scheme/move? Geez, help me!
So two tweets answered to him:
"This is a complete and total catastrophe!"
and
"It must be an April Fool's Day Joke... but totally out of session!"
Christopher Sturdy with:
"It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
=
I added, "the proponent of self-regulation seems to be someone who'd seize control and moan about the state of law but oppose scrutiny to the utmost."
I see It's age old too...
Juvenal asked a moot "who will watch the watchmen?"
Hypocrites still appal me!
Dharam Khalsa with:
It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.=
They could have all these and be total incompetent fools:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A tourist called at an antiques shop whilst holidaying in Avignon, France.
"I'd like something a bit different to take back home with me," he said.
The owner nodded eagerly and produced a skull.
"Huh? But that's only a skull," the customer protested.
"Ah no, monsieur," exclaimed the owner. "That is Napoleon's skull!"
The delighted customer bought it straight away and left the shop.
The following year the man returned to Avignon and visited the same shop again, looking for another oddity. Again, he requested something 'different'.
The owner produced a skull and claimed that it was the skull of Napoleon.
Aghast, the customer protested, "But you sold me Napoleon's skull last year!"
The owner replied, "Ah, yes, monsieur, but zis one is when he was still a boy!"
=
I encountered this older woman at a club one night.
She looked good for a sixty-year-old. Slim, ripe... not too bad at all in fact, and I found myself thinking that maybe she had an equally hot daughter?
We drank a little - well, quite a lot actually - we soon snuggled up together, and she asked me if I’d ever tried a ‘Sportsman’s Double’?
“I'm not sure,” I replied, "what is it?"
“It's a mother and daughter threesome,” she stated.
I began to contemplate her proposition (while lustfully fantasizing about what this daughter of hers looked like). "No," I confessed, "I've never done that!"
We drank some more shots and she announced: "Tonight's your lucky night, then!"
We shot back to her place.
We ran in.
She snapped on the hall light.
Then she shouted upstairs...
“Mum, you still awake?”
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
An elderly woman went into the country church. A friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" the gentleman asked courteously.
"The front row, please," she answered.
He commented, "You really don't want to do that. The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman asked.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No," she said.
"Good," he answered.
=
One splendid Sunday, a mother walked down the hallway to wake her dependent son and tell him it was time to get up and get ready for church.
Half asleep, he spoke, "I'm not going this Sunday."
"Huh? Why not?" his mother asked.
"There are two reasons," he said. "One, the people don't like me, and two, I don't like them either."
His perturbed mother scolded, "Well, son, there are two reasons why you SHOULD go to church: One, you're a fifty-one-year-old grown man, and two, you're the pastor!"
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Eight of the world’s most expensive foods (according to the BBC)
1. Saffron
2. Caviar
3. Oysters
4. White Truffle
5. Iberico ham
6. Wagyu beef
7. Kopi Luwak coffee
8. Foie gras
=
1. Worth the flower
2. Roe of fame
3. Sexy effect by aphrodisiac
4. Fungus
5. Acorn-eating pigs
6. Marbled steak of obese cow
7. Whiff a bit of civet shit
8. Duck or goose liver.
Julian Lofts with:
A List of the Ten Most Famous Pirates of All Time
1. William Kidd
2. Edward Teach
3. Bartholomew Roberts
4. Henry Every
5. Anne Bonny
6. Captain Henry Morgan
7. Francois l’Olonnais
8. Sir Francis Drake
9. Cheung Po Tsai
10. Ching Shih
=
Refers to:
1. Stylish ruffian (hanged)
2. “Blackbeard” as horrid yahoo
3. Welshman
4. “Long Ben” took millions
5. Feisty Englishwoman
6. Captured Panama City
7. Sadistic French tormentor
8. Privateer
9. Annihilator
10. Chinese woman
Ellie Dent with:
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN…
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You can take pictures of yourself from approx. ten feet away without using
the timer.
You lick your coffee pot clean.
And you go along to AA meetings purely for the free coffee.
You’ve built a miniature proper city out of dinky little plastic stirrers.
People get really rather dizzy just watching you.
Instant coffee takes so long, much too long to brew.
You would much prefer to be cremated just so that you can spend the rest of
eternity in a coffee can.
~
You go to sleep, tetchy, just so that you can wake up and smell the coffee.
My, you're miffed, fretting if people tweet the word "brew" to mean ale.
You name your two cute, cheeky kitty-cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
Hell, you often get drunk so you can then sober up.
Your lips are frozen, each left in the sipping position.
Geez, you can out-race that jolly ol' flaming fit Energizer bunny.
You cannot ever wait for the effing water to boil.
You introduce your spouse as only your "Coffee-mate."
You think...expect "CPR" refers to "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Ellie Dent with:
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN…
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You can take pictures of yourself from about ten feet away without using
the timer.
You lick your coffee pot perfectly clean.
And you go along to AA meetings purely for the free coffees.
You’ve built a miniature, proper city out of those dinky little plastic stirrers.
People get really rather dizzy just watching you.
Instant coffee takes so long, much too long to brew.
You would much prefer to be cremated just so that you can spend the rest of
eternity in a coffee can.
~
You go off to sleep, clearly tetchy, just so that you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You get miffed, fretting if people actually tweet one word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your two cute, cheeky kittens "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk at home so that you can then sober up.
Your lips are frozen in the sipping position.
Geez, you can jet off, outlast the fiercely fit Energizer bunny!
You can't even wait for the water to boil.
You cheerfully introduce your technologist spouse as "My Coffee-mate."
You think "CPR" only refers to "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
George Missailidis with:
"The concept of global warming was first created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive." - Donald Trump.
=
First-hand demonstration of such batty, unforgivable ignorance of the current American complete-clown president. Wake up, goddammit!!
Julian Lofts with:
"At no stage during the limited time I spent with him did I see, witness or suspect any behaviour of the sort that subsequently led to his arrest and conviction."
=
That chubby stud, that elitist tergiversator, Prince Andrew, conveniently omitted he’d quite a lot of nude massages with minors in Epstein’s house. Idiot! Hiss!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Australian slang word stoked used to mean "extremely thrilled, pleased or chuffed"
e.g. if/when a bloke achieves an event in his life / anyone beats a Pom; that'll be him!
=
Needs redefinition however after the Ashes match, when Ben Stokes came good and smashed the ball all over Headingley in a truly beautiful example of patient skill!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
THE REFLEX
By
Duran Duran
You've gone too far this time
And I'm dancing on the valentine
I tell you somebody's fooling around
With my chances on the danger line
I'll cross that bridge when I find it
Another day
To make my stand, oh oh
High time is no time for deciding
If I should find a helping hand, oh oh
Why don't you use it?
Try not to bruise it?
Buy time don't lose it
Why don't you use it?
Try not to bruise it?
Buy time don't lose it
The reflex is a lonely child
Who's waiting by the park
The reflex is a door to finding
Treasure in the dark
And watching over lucky clover
Isn't that bizarre
Every little thing the reflex does
Leaves you answered with a question mark
I'm on a ride and I want to get off
But they won't slow down the round-about
I sold the radio and TV set
Don't want to be around when this gets out
So why don't you use it?
Try not to bruise it?
Buy time don't lose it
Why don't you use it?
Try not to bruise it?
Buy time don't lose it
The reflex is a lonely child
Who's waiting in the park
The reflex is a door to finding
Treasure in the dark
And watching over lucky clover
Isn't that bizarre
Every little thing the reflex does
Leaves you answered with a question mark
So why don't you use it?
Try not to bruise it?
Buy time don't loose it
Why don't you use it?
Try not to bruise it?
Buy time don't lose it
The reflex is a lonely child
Who's waiting by the park
The reflex is a door to finding
Treasure in the dark
And watching over lucky clover
Isn't that bizarre
Every little thing the reflex does
Leaves you answered with a question mark
Oh the reflex what a game
He's hiding all the cards
The reflex is in charge of finding
Treasure in the dark
=
THE BLOODY REFLUX
A Song by Art Burn
"Boy, you've gone too far this time,"
I told myself after I'd dined,
"That dodgy vindaloo was too darned hot,
And you drank too much strong, red wine.
Soon you'll be in trouble when you lie
Down in your bed,
That horrid gurgling will start,
Then in your belly something will ignite
Then set fire to your heart, oh, no no nooo!"
Doh, why'd I do it?
I vindaloo'd it,
I knew I'd rue it.
Oh, Holy Father,
What a palaver,
It's molten lava!
The reflux hits me every day,
It visits in the night.
I take six Seltzers every time yet
They never, never set me right.
Nor Gaviscon, nor Rennies, nor
Other set remedies,
Yet, once that fiery reflux strikes,
Any thoughts of dozing soon take flight.
I visited an acupuncturist,
The trendy needle treatment to try,
But when I lay down on the table,
I felt the dreaded reflux rise.
It's costin' big bucks,
This soddin' reflux,
Yet I've had no luck.
I do not get it,
I'm eatin' tidbits,
But still it won't quit!
The reflux is a lonely thing,
When it is two a.m.
You're sittin' in bed wide awake,
And in a really horrid way, then
You think an ice-cold beer may be the
Thing to quell the inner burn,
But, oddly, it doesn't douse the fire,
It only makes it start again!
Reflux, I can't excuse you
I did not choose you
I yearn to lose you!
I'm very worried,
I feel so horrid,
It's very torrid,
When Kate Bush wrote that Wuthering Heights
She knew a thing or two,
She droned of 'Bad dreams in the night'
And all that they can do,
It was not Cathy who was causin'
Heathcliffe's discontent,
'Twas the bloody reflux I'm quite sure,
That made the poor sod so uptight.
When I was young I used to
Talk of sex etcetera,
Now I talk of my reflux,
Isn't that bizarre?
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Freddy checked into a hotel on a business trip and was feeling rather lonesome and frustrated.
He thought of the girls' photos he had seen advertised in telephone booths when he'd phoned for a cab in the past.
He popped into a telephone booth near the hotel and spotted an ad for a kittenish girl who called herself Demelza; a quite beautiful female, bending over teasingly in the photograph.
Demelza had all the right curves in the right places; beautiful long, dark, wavy hair; gorgeous, endless legs... well, you get the picture!
Freddy wrote down Demelza's phone number then rushed back to the hotel.
Back in the room Freddy figured, 'what the heck, I'll give her a call!'
'Hello,' the woman said. God, she sounded sexy!
'Hi,' said Freddy, 'I hear that you give a sensational massage and I'd like you to come to my hotel room and give me one...
'No, wait; let me be completely specific here. I am in town, I am alone and what I really desire is sex. I want it hard, and I want it very hot, and I want it now.
'Bring lots of implements, kinky toys; leather straps; rubber cucumbers; everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
'We'll get hot and steamy; tie me up, smear me with chocolate syrup and whipped cream; be crazy all night. Whatever you want! How does that sound to you?'
She said, 'It sounds quite fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.'
=
Dublin Zoo had acquired the female of a rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla had begun to be very cantankerous and difficult to handle.
Upon examining her, the zoo's vet discovered the problem.
The gorilla was on heat...
To make matters worse, no male gorillas of the species were available.
While reflecting on the problem, the management chanced to see Paddy, a chunky Dubliner chap, and former No. 9 rugby player, who was responsible for the zoo's general maintenance.
Paddy, like most single, strapping Irishmen, seemed to be blessed with the ability to satisfy the ladies of any species.
The zoo administrators thought Paddy might possibly be the solution to their problem, so they approached him with a rather unusual suggestion.
Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred euros?
The stunned Paddy replied that he'd need to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Paddy announced that, after due thought, he would accept their suggestion, but only under three conditions:
'Firstly,' he said, 'Oi don't wanna have ta kiss her.'
'Secondly, ya must never tell anyone about dis.'
The management quickly agreed to these conditions, then they asked him what the third one was.
'Well,' said Paddy, 'Ya gotta give me another week to come up with da foive hundred euros.'
3rd - Adie Pena with:
END OF SUMMER
by Stanley Kunitz
An agitation of the air,
A perturbation of the light
Admonished me the unloved year
Would turn on its hinge that night.
I stood in the disenchanted field
Amid the stubble and the stones,
Amazed, while a small worm lisped to me
The song of my marrow-bones.
Blue poured into summer blue,
A hawk broke from his cloudless tower,
The roof of the silo blazed, and I knew
That part of my life was over.
Already the iron door of the north
Clangs open: birds, leaves, snows
Order their populations forth,
And a cruel wind blows.
=
GONE IN SUMMER
In Memoriam
Leon hushed a small woeful child,
Ruiz sobbed for one neighbor.
Oh, no! A tot heard the shots,
Ysabel knelt to pray to the Savior.
Edmundo muffled a howl for
Latinos hurt, broken and bloody.
Phoebe's wish is now widowed,
Alvarez lost that drinking buddy.
Sons mourn for their mom,
Ortiz will inter that truthful friend.
Daughters need the doomed father
As that life comes to a twilit end.
Young ones without a parent,
Teenagers will be missed in a clan.
Officemates have attended the wake,
NRA lobbyists propose a PR plan.
Ellie Dent with:
AN AUTUMN MORNING
I got dressed.
Approached the window.
Outside: autumn.
My friend came in. His coat was wet.
He made my whole room smell of rain.
Not even a "hello".
He sat down.
Lost in thought
He said: "Autumn."
That word was so fresh
Like an orange on a branch
After the rain.
=
MOTHERHOOD
So, washday duties.
Oh, must it rain
The woman mused
On rising,
Now, as the machine vibrated
And clattered, feeling somehow wrong.
Where's that manual?
The floor's wet
And all's undone.
Oh, when can I dream again of
culture, fame, opportunity,
another man, I ask?
George Missailidis with:
Under a spreading chestnut-tree
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.
=
Beside an ashy mirthless tree,
Enormity in width and stance,
A damsel gathers flow'rs three,
Unblemish'd in caring hands.
Gusts a-thriving, arms then sway:
The mahogany up stands.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A man is driving down the road and breaks down while driving by a monastery. He rings the bell and says to the monks who answer, "My car broke down. I'm wondering if I might stay the night." They graciously accept him, give him dinner, and even fix his car. Afterwards, just as the man is going to sleep, he hears this strange noise. The next morning when he gets up, he asks them what the noise was, but they just say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man's car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, again feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We're still not going to tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know what it is. If the only way I'm going to find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I get to be a monk?"
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." The man sets about his task.
Quite a few years later, he returns to the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for." With that, he correctly tells them how many blades of grass and sand pebbles there are on the earth.
The monks reply, "Right! Congratulations! You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the unusual sound." They lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." But the wooden door is locked.
He says, "Real funny! May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is a rigid door made of stone.
The man demands a key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door behind it made of ruby. He demands a key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of shining sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, "This is the final key to the final door." The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached the end of his trial. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind this door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
I bet you want to know what it is.
Well, pal, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!
=
A man walks into a honkytonk one afternoon, and pauses -- at the other end of the hardwood bar, there's a blond man who has a big orange head! He's just sulking there, looking kind of heavyhearted, mooning into his drink. The man asks the bartender, "So, what's with the character with the big orange head?" The bartender motions, "Oh, that kook?! That man, Don by name, has an entertaining story. Offer to buy a whiskey and he'll probably be glad to tell you."
So, the man walks over, approaches the other man, says, "Excuse me," and introduces himself. He offers to buy another round. The man with the big head nods, halfheartedly, "Yeah. So, then I guess you'd like to know my story?" The man comments, "Thanks. I'm very interested, if it's not any trouble."
After a short toast, the chunky orange-headed man takes a shot, and starts his long memoir: "You know, I think I must have told this story fifty-thousand times. As I recall, it's something like this: I'm trekking down the beach one day, when I stub my toe on something hard. I look down at my foot, to see an odd antique brass lamp. I pick it up and dust it off with a handy smooth cloth -- when 'Huh?', out pops a monumental overgrown genie!
"The genie kowtows, 'Hurrah! You have released me from my ten-thousand-year imprisonment in this hot lamp, and I am in debt. I need to grant you three wishes as a token of my extreme gratitude.'
The bar customer is enthralled. "That's marvelous!" he says. And the storyteller with the big orange head continues: "After that, I say, 'Wow, fantastic! Well, my first wish is to be the most wealthy landowner alive.'
"Needless to say, as expected, the genie says, 'Your wish is my command!' Suddenly, I have rings on all my short fingers, a pharoah's crown on my head, a sky-high throne, and a smoky hookah. My wallet is full of money, dozens of ATM cards, and the deed to the highest hotel in New York -- I'm loaded!
"I say, 'Ooh, amazing! Okay, for my next wish, I demand to be the debonair husband to the most beautiful, devoted, and attentive trophy woman in the world.'
"'Oh, right! Your wish is granted!" Then, as the genie speaks, the ocean parts and out walks a beautiful woman in a stylish trendy dress. She holds my hand and we fall in love. The genie hooks us up right then and there. He's an excellent matchmaker, and the honeymoon is incredible!
"However, the genie reverberates, 'You have just one more wish!'"
Then, the tormented man with the big orange head pauses and holds onto his drink. He says, "Wait. You know, that may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head."
Dharam Khalsa with:
Pity The Nation
By the highly celebrated seer, poet, and writer of prose, Khalil Gibran, who was born during the time of the Ottoman Empire (north of modern-day Lebanon),
the author of "The Garden of the Prophet", which narrates Almustafa's continuing discussions with disciples after many long years of intervening absence.
Pity the nation that is full of beliefs and empty of religion.
Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as hero,
and that deems the glittering conqueror bountiful.
Pity a nation that despises a passion in its dream,
yet submits in its awakening.
Pity the nation that raises not its voice
save when it walks in a funeral,
boasts not except among its ruins,
and will rebel not save when its neck is laid
between the sword and the block.
Pity the nation whose statesman is a fox,
whose philosopher is a juggler,
and whose art is the art of patching and mimicking.
Pity the nation that welcomes its new ruler with trumpeting,
and farewells him with hooting,
only to welcome another with trumpeting again.
=
Pity the Nation (After Khalil Gibran)
I think, activist Ferlinghetti's stunning chastisement and flaming of national shortcomings, known hijinks, fact spinning, twisting bits of information,
untruthful bragging, brown victim shaming, failings, and incompetence--attain maximal impact.
(I think, the stunt of naming it after the man Gibran will win plagiarism suits!)
Pity the nation whose people are sheep,
And whose shepherds mislead them.
Pity the nation whose leaders are liars,
Whose sages are silenced,
And whose bigots haunt the airwaves.
Pity the nation that raises not its voice
Except to praise conquerers
And acclaim the bully as hero,
And aims to rule the world
By force and by torture.
Pity the nation that knows
No other language but its own,
And no other culture but its own.
Pity the nation whose breath is money
And sleeps the sleep of the too well fed.
Pity the nation, oh pity the people
who allow their rights to erode,
and their freedoms to be washed away.
My country, tears of thee,
Sweet land of liberty!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The elephant's genitals =
A penis that's eel-length!
2nd - George Missailidis with:
Horny -> Strip -> Tits -> Nude =
It's the porn industry<
3rd - View with:
Copulation =
A cool input.
Tony Crafter with:
Is it birdshit on head? Correct.=
This robin scored a direct hit!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Boris Johnson - the country at his mercy. =
Jeremy Corbyn - oh so shit, in short a cunt!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Sense the awful racist language =
Nigel Farage - what a useless cunt!
Tyler Severance with:
Male erectile dysfunction =
Yet, I called for intense cum.
Julian Lofts with:
He is a real cunt =
Heretical anus.
Adie Pena with:
UK's Boris & USA's Donald =
Dubious ass & Klan's rod.