1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Can one be civil? =
Inconceivable!
Eq2nd - David Bourke with:
Tours over China =
The coronavirus.
Eq2nd - Tom Myers with:
Beans, beans, they're good for the heart, ~
by the nose here goes another bad fart!
Adie Pena with:
A rotten Apple ‡
Neater laptop.
Adie Pena with:
A serious, unpatriotic ~
precarious situation.
Adie Pena with:
Diet fads ~
died fast.
Adie Pena with:
Fun details ~
left unsaid.
Adrian Hickford with:
Travelling by air =
Really vibrating.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Had hot water on, yet no plug in sink. Er... dim! =
That's like pouring money down the drain!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The phrase "You will never walk alone" =
Her valiant role when you sleepwalk!
Dharam Khalsa with:
May the best man win =
What is meant by "men"?
Dharam Khalsa with:
Can one be civil? =
Inconceivable!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Classified information =
It damns senior official.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Grandiose delusions =
Loser is undiagnosed.
Ellie Dent with:
A modern politician =
Draconian, impolite.
George Missailidis with:
Masters of the grand piano =
Hands or fingers at a tempo.
Meyran Kraus with:
A speeding car =
Pace is danger!
Meyran Kraus with:
Craving meat =
Vegan? Cram it!
Meyran Kraus with:
Grapefruit diet ‡
Pudgier after it.
Meyran Kraus with:
The winning method at a game of Russian roulette =
Turn with that gun, aim at someone else, fire and go.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The military strongman =
Grim tyrant in male host.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
American troops =
Top aces in armor?
Rosie Perera with:
Anthropogenic global warming =
Coal bringing glow on earth map.
Rosie Perera with:
The unsanitary old folks homes ~
had smell of urine. Ooh, nasty! Tsk.
Tom Myers with:
Beans, beans, they're good for the heart, ~
by the nose here goes another bad fart!
Tony Crafter with:
Emotional as ~
a moonlit sea.
Tyler Severance with:
Another conspiracy =
Actors in phony race.
View with:
The newspaper obituary =
We bury_____.Tears on epitaph.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Statue of David by Michelangelo Buonarroti =
Our brave boy can indeed smite that foul Goliath.
2nd - Ellie with:
'Angelica and the Hermit' by Sir Peter Paul Rubens =
Plump, bare yet unabashed, reclining here... it's art!
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Christopher Nicholas Parsons died age ninety-six =
No repeats in sixty sec's in chair he'd had... so long. RIP
Adie Pena with:
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For =
Hit UTwo song; live hit for all of mankind.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Presenter, Sandra Birgitte Toksvig, OBE =
G.B. TV dearest baking person is to retire.
Ellie Dent with:
'Angelica and the Hermit' by Sir Peter Paul Rubens =
Plump, bare yet unabashed, reclining here... it's art!
Meyran Kraus with:
The new US film 'Cats' ‡
Must-watch felines!
Meyran Kraus with:
Master Michelangelo Buonarroti's statue 'David' =
I admit our star ain't so... large. Must have been cold! ;)
Meyran Kraus with:
The Statue of David by Michelangelo Buonarroti =
Our brave boy can indeed smite that foul Goliath.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The cue sports of billiards and snooker ~
use rods on hard balls to fire in pockets.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Dame Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot =
Ace to sleuth a homicide's rather a prig!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Victoria Antoinette Derbyshire =
One idiots betray in TV career hit.
Tony Crafter with:
The ex-married couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston =
Permanent 'friends'. (Jolie and drip Theroux can beat it!)
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Harry and Meghan step down from senior royal duties =
"Holy tripe!" frowned Harry's Grandma. "One is not amused."
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Articles of impeachment =
The top criminal faces 'em.
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Royal House of Windsor =
Old one Harry wishes out of.
Adie Pena with:
Quietly investigate Bidens or no equipment =
"Quid pro quo" intent inevitably gets enemies!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Top Iranian general killed by US in Iraq =
Quite likely in a big plan and is an error.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Heavy rain brings relief to Australia =
Rain! So greatly vital in bush fire area.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Christopher Nicholas Parsons died age ninety-six =
No repeats in sixty sec's in chair he'd had... so long. RIP
David Bourke with:
A price on the head of President Trump =
The Reaper, come and find the POTUS...RIP.
David Bourke with:
Tours over China =
The coronavirus
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Ancient Indigenous art called "Rainmaking" =
More dancing in tackling the need in Australia!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles plan Megxit deal =
Expedient help in the quarrels can be called amazing!
Ellie Dent with:
The devastating bush fires in Australia =
As vast area is hit, burning, it fuels death.
Ellie Dent with:
Meg's idea on new prosperity ~
is money, power and prestige.
George Missailidis with:
Australian fires =
As nature is frail.
George Missailidis with:
Pope Francis has apologised today =
I'd say no slap is good path for peace.
George Missailidis with:
Donald Trump now faces Iranian uproar =
American fraud and liar won no support.
George Missailidis with:
Trump announces plan to acquire a book - about himself =
Such a "me before man" loon - quick to put a blast upon Iran!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Articles of impeachment =
The top criminal faces 'em.
Meyran Kraus with:
Articles of impeachment against the US President =
The gist is one fact: "Trump is a creep and he is mental".
Meyran Kraus with:
Can Trump seriously be impeached later in the Senate? =
Seems he's in trouble, yet America ruled it can't happen.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"So many times we lose patience. Me too." (Pope Francis) =
"Penitence time comes to a slapper of women." (So say I)
Phil Carmody with:
Telnet Credentials ‡
Steel-clad internet
Rosie Perera with:
Modern slavery =
Very mean lords.
Rosie Perera with:
National Milk (Delivery) Day =
A lovely drink in tea, milady.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump's "Deal of the Century" for peace in Middle East =
Outcome: Israel pretty dern chuffed, Palestine mad.
Tony Crafter with:
Harry and Meghan step down from senior royal duties =
"Holy tripe!" frowned Harry's Grandma. "One is not amused."
View with:
An attack on US Embassy =
Combat's an uneasy task.
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Henry Charles Albert David Mountbatten-Windsor =
I want monarchy's burdens halved to rebrand title.
Eq2nd - George Missailidis with:
Swedish schoolgirl Greta Tintin Eleonora Thunberg =
The world built along her actions is greener on sight.
Eq2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Iranian general Qasem Soleimani =
A mean male is gone, slain there in Iraq.
Adie Pena with:
Kobe Bean Bryant =
Bye, taken NBA bro.
David Bourke with:
The ITV News Asia correspondent Debi Edward =
Entwined with a "drop bear", and voice stressed!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Iran's top military commander, Qassem Soleimani =
Some say I master criminal plans. (Met doom in Iraq.)
Dharam Khalsa with:
Senator Elizabeth Warren =
There to answer in a blazer.
Dharam Khalsa with:
American politician and attorney Rudolph Giuliani =
A paid liar loyal in action to an icier unhinged Trump.
Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Oscar-Claude Monet ~
could see a more romantic Sun!
George Missailidis with:
Swedish schoolgirl Greta Tintin Eleonora Thunberg =
The world built along her actions is greener on sight
John Murray with:
Layla Moran =
Amor? Any! All!
John Murray with:
Nicholas Parsons =
Anchor loss pains
Meyran Kraus with:
The Iranian general Qasem Soleimani =
A mean male is gone, slain there in Iraq
Meyran Kraus with:
The Welsh comedian Terence Graham Parry Jones =
A major death... Perchance he's 'merely resting' now!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Dame Alison Margaret Saunders =
A grand misrule's made one a star.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Henry Charles Albert David Mountbatten-Windsor =
I want monarchy's burdens halved to rebrand title
Tony Crafter with:
Christine Margaret Keeler (and pal Mandy Rice-Davies).=
Seen naked astride a chair.(Party-girl amid clever men).
View with:
General Soleimani =
In real, male is gone
Eq1st - Rosie Perera with:
The British Royal Family =
If Harry: "Abolish my title."
Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Statue of David in Florence's Accademia Gallery =
Michelangelo-created nude is a lady's favorite (Fact!)
3rd - David Bourke with:
Koalas adorning ~
Kangaroo Island.
Adie Pena with:
Better Homes and Gardens Magazine =
Ms. Be-Organized-and-Manage-the-Rest.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Prime Minister of Israel =
Iran? I prefer to missile them!
David Bourke with:
Koalas adorning ~
Kangaroo Island.
Don P. Fortier with:
Victorville =
Civil Revolt
Ellie Dent with:
Wiltshire's Stonehenge Monument =
Silent, remote...showing men the sun.
Meyran Kraus with:
Statue of Liberty ('Liberty Enlightening the World') =
Deity built to greet all the new brothers flying in.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa =
Straight line of awe? Nope!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Daily Mail's Peterborough Page =
You get readership mailbag to help =
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Royal House of Windsor =
Old one Harry wishes out of.
Rosie Perera with:
The British Royal Family =
If Harry: "Abolish my title."
Tony Crafter with:
The Statue of David in Florence's Accademia Gallery =
Michelangelo-created nude is a lady's favorite (Fact!)
View with:
Disneyland Resort, Anaheim California =
Fiesta! More adrenalin! Any child's "on air"!
View with:
USSR =
SS.ru
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Original cast of Monty Python:
1. John Cleese
2. Terry Gilliam
3. Michael Palin
4. Eric Idle
5. Graham Chapman
6. Terry Jones
=
1. A major cynic
2. Jolly animator
3. The nice one
4. He sang the fast lyrics
5. He'll get the policeman role (RIP)
6. Hammy in drag (RIP)
2nd - Dharam with:
Levels of Classified Information:
3. Confidential
2. Secret
1. Top Secret
=
3. Middle-tier offenses
2. Control of elections
1. Alien spacecraft visit
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The senior royals at Sandringham:
1. The Queen
2. Prince Charles
3. Prince William
4. Prince Harry
=
1. I'll hardly relinquish my throne!
2. Warring heir apparent
3. Screams "patience!"
4. No chance, sire!
Adie Pena with:
Interviewer: But how do you explain this long four-year gap on your solid résumé?
Applicant: That is when I went to Yale.
~
Interviewer: You're a good find -- the usual man we ought to hire next.
Applicant: Really now, Pop? I seriously want this Yob.
David Bourke with:
The late Kobe Bryant, shooting guard of the Los Angeles Lakers
=
Oh, taken far too young, this here basketball legend. Great loss.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Iran admits their missile shot down Ukrainian plane unintentionally
=
Will anyone link Trump and Russia to meet ends in this air annihilation?
Dharam Khalsa with:
Levels of Classified Information:
3. Confidential
2. Secret
1. Top Secret
=
3. Middle-tier offenses
2. Control of elections
1. Alien spacecraft visit
Ellie Dent with:
A man was walking in the desert with his horse Ned, and his dog Fido when the dog said, "Hold up! I can't do this. I need
water. OK?"
~
The man said: "Oh, WHAT? WHERE? Stop now, when it's safe. I didn't know a dog could talk!!" As his horse, neighing, added:
"Neither did I!"
George Missailidis with:
Jeremy Clarkson says that God didn't want people to live in Australia
=
Many'd tend to gather it is Satan's evil work to place us all in jeopardy!
Meyran Kraus with:
The Original cast of Monty Python:
1. John Cleese
2. Terry Gilliam
3. Michael Palin
4. Eric Idle
5. Graham Chapman
6. Terry Jones
=
1. A major cynic
2. Jolly animator
3. The nice one
4. He sang the fast lyrics
5. He'll get the policeman role (RIP)
6. Hammy in drag (RIP)
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Twitter is to report so so impossible Harry and Meghan
~ "are the two most spoiled brats in history" - Piers Morgan.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The senior royals at Sandringham:
1. The Queen
2. Prince Charles
3. Prince William
4. Prince Harry
=
1. I'll hardly relinquish my throne!
2. Warring heir apparent
3. Screams "patience!"
4. No chance, sire!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
I will do impartial justice according to the Constitution and laws
~
as I want idiotic nitwit Donald J. Trump to conceal his so clear guilt.
Rosie Perera with:
"Death to the dictator!" "Khamenei have shame! Leave the country!"
=
The Iranians kvetch to a home cam; they hate the devout leader.
Rosie Perera with:
Those who don't remember the past are condemned to relive it
1st - Tony Crafter with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
When you rant on, much stomach acid rises. This can invade the oesophagus, which irritates the delicate lining. DO NOT RANT!!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
Total ignorance: A sad condition which activists here hint could hurt the human species more than any disease right now.
Eq3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius
Seneca.
=
Oh, that convinced stoic, Marcus Aurelius had this opinion, might cry: 'Answer the hothead's anger with an antidote, silence.'
Eq3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
'Climate change? Hah! A traitor head-scientist announced this worthless theory. I'm unconvinced! It's pure hogwash!' - An idiot.
Adie Pena with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
Why Trump must never disclose his anger to one incited China, the nation as a whole, and his agitated Christian church, too.
Adrian Hickford with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
'Climate change? Hah! A traitor head-scientist announced this worthless theory. I'm unconvinced! It's pure hogwash!' - An idiot.
Christopher Sturdy with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
Contains mighty tonic which can melt the hardest heart
I wish I'd used caution - Love can tear us apart!
[in high doses or none!]
David Bourke with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
Christ, how underhand! I am incandescent, in a pure rage with this...it is at MY turn to choose a Challenge...TC *has* to void his one.
Dharam Khalsa with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca
=
In anguish, pen such acidic anger within letters to main idiots, and char them. A win! Oh, and you have to scorch those letters.
Dharam Khalsa with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca
=
M. Twain actually penned such a vision, according to sources; either that, or he had echoed this Roman with innate insights.
Ellie Dent with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius
Seneca.
=
Oh, that convinced stoic, Marcus Aurelius had this opinion, might cry: 'Answer the hothead's anger with an antidote, silence.'
Meyran Kraus with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
Total ignorance: A sad condition which activists here hint could hurt the human species more than any disease right now.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
'The cigar is a disease, the worst stench that you can imagine, and a divine rapture to this demon honcho.' Winston Churchill.
Rosie Perera with:
"Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." -- Lucius Seneca
=
With everyone pissed at DT or his haters, America is coming unglued. How can the nation stanch this chronic hate, unload it?
Tony Crafter with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
When you rant on, much stomach acid rises. This can invade the oesophagus, which irritates the delicate lining. DO NOT RANT!!
1st - David Bourke with:
A group of guys, an average age of about forty or so, discussed where they would meet up for some lunch. Finally, they agreed that they would meet at The Metropolitan, the new Wetherspoon pub by Baker St station, in London, because the barmaids had nice big breasts and wore scanty mini-skirts.
Ten years later, average age fifty, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed they might as well meet once more at the Wetherspoons in Baker St, because the barmaids were most attractive, the food and service was good, and the craft beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at average age sixty, the friends again discussed where they would meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed they would meet at the Wetherspoons in Baker St, because there was plenty of parking near there, they could dine in peace, with no irritating music, and it was very good value for money.
~
Another ten years later, at average age seventy, the friends spoke at length to discuss where they could meet again for lunch. Finally it was agreed to that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Baker St, a perfect choice, because it was warm, wheelchair-accessible, and there was a disabled toilet there. (Wouldn't want to...ahem...risk a whiffy septuagenarian mishap!).
Ten more years later, depleted in numbers by one or two, now with an average age of eighty, the gruff, toothless, stone deaf old fogeys, one a widower, yet again discussed where they should next meet for lunch. Various most accommodating places were suggested, but after much abusive animosity, intense arguing, baffled bickering, aimless prevarication, scorn, and random repetition, finally they exhaustedly agreed to "Wordy" Sturdy's idea that they would try "that Wetherspoons in Baker St"...merely because "they'd never been there before".
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The kids stood lined up for lunch in the Catholic school's cafeteria.
On the lunch table was a pile of luscious apples. The moody sister nuns had written the kids a note and put it on the tray, saying:
"Only take ONE. God is watching."
Moving further down the line, mirrored at the other end of the table was a larger pile of yummy chocolate biscuits.
On the tray directly beside them, some kid had written:
"Take what you want. God is watching the apples."
=
The teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would fast run down into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes teacher,' the class all acknowledged.
'Right then. So, why is it that when I am standing upright the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
Philip, a cheeky little pupil at the back chirped: 'That's 'cause your feet ain't empty Miss Hooper!'
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
TOP TEN HIT SONGS THAT WE HATED
1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
2. "Gangnam Style" - Psy
3. "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred
4. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
5. "Mambo Number Five" - Lou Bega
6. "Friday" - Rebecca Black
7. "Who Let the Dogs Out" - Baha Men
8. "Asereje (The Ketchup Song)" - Las Ketchup
9. "Macarena" - Los Del Rio
10. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
=
1. Sorry excuse for a catchy pop jam
2. Pudgy Korean breaks into a jig
3. A real creep loving himself
4. Became a Youtube prank
5. German guy brags about his love life
6. The lamest crap ever by some wealthy teen
7. Yes, they actually bark on the track... :(
8. Hot gals dancing badly
9. Another clumsy dance
10. The worst thing he made (besides Miley)
Adie Pena with:
A cow, an ant and an old fart are irritably bickering on who is winningly the greatest among the three of them.
"I sincerely will give 25 quarts of very nutritious milk in a day," the hardy cow swiftly and loudly whined. "And that's why innately I am the greatest!"
~
"I can quietly work all day and all night, in the fall and even in the winter," the hardworking ant said. "I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am definitely by far the greatest!"
What are you scrolling down for? I believe it's your turn to say something.
David Bourke with:
A group of guys, an average age of about forty or so, discussed where they would meet up for some lunch. Finally, they agreed that they would meet at The Metropolitan, the new Wetherspoon pub by Baker St station, in London, because the barmaids had nice big breasts and wore scanty mini-skirts.
Ten years later, average age fifty, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed they might as well meet once more at the Wetherspoons in Baker St, because the barmaids were most attractive, the food and service was good, and the craft beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at average age sixty, the friends again discussed where they would meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed they would meet at the Wetherspoons in Baker St, because there was plenty of parking near there, they could dine in peace, with no irritating music, and it was very good value for money.
~
Another ten years later, at average age seventy, the friends spoke at length to discuss where they could meet again for lunch. Finally it was agreed to that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Baker St, a perfect choice, because it was warm, wheelchair-accessible, and there was a disabled toilet there. (Wouldn't want to...ahem...risk a whiffy septuagenarian mishap!).
Ten more years later, depleted in numbers by one or two, now with an average age of eighty, the gruff, toothless, stone deaf old fogeys, one a widower, yet again discussed where they should next meet for lunch. Various most accommodating places were suggested, but after much abusive animosity, intense arguing, baffled bickering, aimless prevarication, scorn, and random repetition, finally they exhaustedly agreed to "Wordy" Sturdy's idea that they would try "that Wetherspoons in Baker St"...merely because "they'd never been there before".
Dharam Khalsa with:
For our tenth wedding anniversary, I bought my wife a map of the world. I put it in a box along with a sharp dart, wrapped it up, and attached a little card. The card said,
"Throw this dart at this map and wherever it lands is where I'll be taking you." I'd been saving up money for close to two years now because we never had taken a honeymoon.
Then I put the dart in my wife's hand. She was so excited!
~
She exclaimed, "Wow, what a great anniversary present! My wish is for it to land in mystical India, although even a cavern in Paraguay or Uruguay would also be fantastic!"
With that, she positioned her hand, studied the map, and threw the dart upward, and now I'm happy to report that next October my devoted wife and I will spend two roaring
weeks off beside the baseboard in the kitchen!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Inspirational women who served (or are serving) as important wildlife conservationists:
1. Jane Goodall
2. Dian Fossey
3. Biruté Galdikas
4. Margaret "Mardy" Murie
5. Mollie Beattie
6. Lizzy Lind af Hageby
7. Eugenie Clark
8. Harriet Hemenway
9. Dame Daphne Sheldrick
10. Laurie Marker
11. Sandeun "Lek" Chailert
12. Krithi Karanth
13. Paula Kahumbu
14. Jill Robinson
15. Leela Hazzah
=
1. Studied chimpanzees, in khaki
2. Diarized gorilla maturity
3. Aided Borneo orangutans
4. Alaska caribou; Wyoming Grizzly bear
5. Yellowstone gray wolves
6. Anti-vivisection of all mammals
7. Marine animals, like hammerhead shark
8. Birds killed for feathers, like a rare hawk
9. Rural elephant
10. Cheetah
11. Injured elephant
12. Tiger
13. Injured elephant
14. Sun Bear
15. Lion
Ellie Dent with:
There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy.
Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they must stay on their small island home.
Eventually, their king became most frustrated and so called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, but still stay within his people's traditional guidelines.
So, after much soul searching and consideration, the elders suggested building a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not sufficient room in his hut for such a throne, the elders suggested he call on an engineer to solve this particular problem.
~
Soon, the king's immaculate tiny hut was cleverly rigged with an elite, elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne to use it during the day, and at night, fatigued, he could haul it up and lower his bed. Easy! Alleluia! He was jubilant. This was indeed truly the best of both worlds.
Unfortunately, after just a few months of constant active use, the huge bedevilled ropes became frayed, and then one night, the immense heavy throne came crashing down, killing him immediately.
It's clear the wise men of the island recognised a certain critical lesson, and added to the lore of their people, declaring thereafter: "Those who live in grass houses should not stow thrones."
Ellie Dent with:
A weary truck driver stopped at a restaurant to get some food and a little rest.
A gang of bikers approached him while he was eating and began to be very aggressive
towards him. They called him names and threw food at him, but he remained calm and
didn't do anything about it.
~
After he'd done, he paid his bill and left.
A grumpy, aging, tattooed biker - a gang member - spat:
"Well, the mad bastard ain't much of a man is he?" A waiter added: "And he ain't a good
truck driver either. He ran straight over twenty motorcycles on his way out, devastating
'em. Oops, bad news...
Meyran Kraus with:
TOP TEN HIT SONGS THAT WE HATED
1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
2. "Gangnam Style" - Psy
3. "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred
4. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
5. "Mambo Number Five" - Lou Bega
6. "Friday" - Rebecca Black
7. "Who Let the Dogs Out" - Baha Men
8. "Asereje (The Ketchup Song)" - Las Ketchup
9. "Macarena" - Los Del Rio
10. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
=
1. Sorry excuse for a catchy pop jam
2. Pudgy Korean breaks into a jig
3. A real creep loving himself
4. Became a Youtube prank
5. German guy brags about his love life
6. The lamest crap ever by some wealthy teen
7. Yes, they actually bark on the track... :(
8. Hot gals dancing badly
9. Another clumsy dance
10. The worst thing he made (besides Miley)
Tony Crafter with:
The kids stood lined up for lunch in the Catholic school's cafeteria.
On the lunch table was a pile of luscious apples. The moody sister nuns had written the kids a note and put it on the tray, saying:
"Only take ONE. God is watching."
Moving further down the line, mirrored at the other end of the table was a larger pile of yummy chocolate biscuits.
On the tray directly beside them, some kid had written:
"Take what you want. God is watching the apples."
=
The teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would fast run down into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes teacher,' the class all acknowledged.
'Right then. So, why is it that when I am standing upright the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
Philip, a cheeky little pupil at the back chirped: 'That's 'cause your feet ain't empty Miss Hooper!'
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A young man named David decided to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they'd only been dating for three weeks so it seemed like the ideal gift - romantic, yet not too personal.
He asked his girlfriend's younger sister to accompany him to buy them, then she could point out a pair she'd like.
They went to the mall and the sister pointed out a pair of white gloves which David then bought.
The sister then picked out a pair of panties for herself and bought them. But during the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the parcels without anybody realising. As a result, the sister got the gloves and David took home a gift box containing the panties.
Without realising, he rushed the gift round to his sweetheart's doorstep, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it:
"Dear Sara - I chose these because I've noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
Had it not been for your sister Janet, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I could be there to put them on for you the first time. No doubt, many other hands will come in contact with them before I get the chance to see you.
When you take them off, do remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they'll naturally be a bit damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I'll kiss them during the coming year. I do hope you will wear them for Christmas Eve.
My fondest love.
David x
P.S. I'm told the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
=
Scott, who lived in the north of England, decided to go on a golfing trip in Scotland with his best pal, Chris.
So they loaded up his minivan with their golf clubs and headed north.
After travelling for some hours, they found themselves caught up in a terrible snowstorm.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they might stop the night there.
'I realise the weather is terrible out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I am recently widowed,' she explained, 'the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Ah, no problem,' Scott smiled. 'We'll be more than happy to sleep out in the barn, if that's OK? I expect we'll be gone at first light, if the weather breaks.'
The woman agreed, and the two pals made their way to the barn to settle themselves in for the night.
Come morning, the weather was clear again, so they went on their way.
Their golf weekend was thoroughly enjoyable, too.
About nine months later, Scott got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but it emerged that it was from the attorney of the attractive widow they'd met on their golfing weekend.
Later, he popped over to see his friend Chris and asked him: "Chris, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf weekend about nine months ago?"
'I do,' replied Chris.
'Well, did you happen to get up in the night, leave the barn and pay her a visit at her house?'
'Oh... um, yeah...' Chris mumbled, a bit embarrassed about having been found out, 'I confess, it's true.'
'Hmm, I see... and did you happen to fictitiously give her my name instead of yours?'
Chris's face turned red and he said, 'Oh heck. Yeah, I'm so sorry, Scottie, I confess this is true, too. But why do you ask?'
'She's just died and left me everything!'
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A Winter Night by Sara Teasdale
My window-pane is starred with frost,
The world is bitter cold tonight.
The moon is cruel and the wind
Is like a two-edged sword to smite.
God pity all the homeless ones,
The beggars pacing to and fro.
God pity all the poor tonight
Who walk the lamp-lit streets of snow.
My room is like a bit of June,
Warm and close-curtained fold on fold,
But somewhere, like a homeless child,
My heart is crying in the cold.=
To Those Doomed Titans in the North Pole
Grand like a cliff in endless realms so white,
Grim like a crypt in early rays of dawn,
Gem-like and crisply-iced, each smoothly bright,
Great lumps are crumbling, instantly withdrawn.
God's limber arms created these to stand;
God left a wholesome spot to me and you.
Good lord! If He did it, with His two hands,
God knows that point we wish not to be true:
If those cool jewels are hit, we will be too.
1st - David Bourke with:
Gwyneth Paltrow's 'This Smells Like My Vagina' candle =
Well, it's mighty pongy...caviar, menses, and whelk stall!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
When he'd loudly boast: "I got a ten-inch monster!" ~
that could only mean he isn't so big down there.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Stop undressing me with your eyes =
Why, seeing more nude tits or pussy!
Adie Pena with:
1. Prince Harry
2. Meghan Markle
3. Archie =
1. Real prick
2. Her hymen area
3. Charming
Christopher Sturdy with:
Stop undressing me with your eyes =
Why, seeing more nude tits or pussy!
David Bourke with:
The gay rapist Reynhard Sinaga ~
grasped any hairy arse at night.
David Bourke with:
Gwyneth Paltrow's 'This Smells Like My Vagina' candle =
Well, it's mighty pongy...caviar, menses, and whelk stall!
Meyran Kraus with:
When he'd loudly boast: "I got a ten-inch monster!" ~
that could only mean he isn't so big down there.
Tony Crafter with:
Gosh, my Y-Fronts are stuck right up my arse! =
Fuck, my tight pants're so smeary. Ugh! Sorry.