Anagrammy Placings by Mike Keith in 1999
All the highly-placed anagrams by Mike Keith from the 1999 Anagrammy Awards.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 1999:
eq.3rd - Mike Keith with:
The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection =
Imbecile Creationists say: "Non-proof! Hateful genes!"
LONG CATEGORY, May 1999:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
The wren that rages when I sit
Too close to this mulberry tree
Cannot be told, for all her wit
I hung the gourd she guards from me.
=
The egret fussing in the gloom
Sneers curtly - heh! - to torture me;
That horrid budgie in the room
Now raw, castrated fowl shall be.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
hydrogen + zirconium + tin + oxygen + rhenium + platinum +
tellurium + terbium + nobelium + chromium + iron + cobalt +
carbon + aluminum + ruthenium + silicon + ytterbium + hafnium
+
sodium + selenium + cerium + manganese + osmium + uranium +
nickel + praseodymium + erbium + vanadium + thallium + plutonium
=
nitrogen + zinc + rhodium + helium + argon + neptunium +
beryllium + bromine + lutetium + boron + calcium + thorium +
niobium + lanthanum + mercury + fluorine + bismuth + actinium
+
silver + cesium + neodymium + magnesium + xenon + samarium +
scandium + europium + berkelium + palladium + antimony + thulium
[This is a "doubly-true anagram" - if you replace each element with its atomic number (= position in the periodic table), there is still equality:]
1 + 40 + 50 + 8 + 75 + 78 +
52 + 65 + 102 + 24 + 26 + 27 +
6 + 13 + 44 + 14 + 70 + 72 +
11 + 34 + 58 + 25 + 76 + 92 +
28 + 59 + 68 + 23 + 81 + 94
=
7 + 30 + 45 + 2 + 18 + 93 +
4 + 35 + 71 + 5 + 20 + 90 +
41 + 57 + 80 + 9 + 83 + 89 +
47 + 55 + 60 + 12 + 54 + 62 +
21 + 63 + 97 + 46 + 51 + 69
[= 1416]
LONG CATEGORY, June 1999:
eq.2nd - Mike Keith with:
I used to have
A liking, regard, admiration, fancy, unsearchable highs,
Affection, attachment, yearning for, passion,
Devotion, fervor, enthusiasm, idolatry.
I used to cherish, adore, sing your beauty, dote,
Be smitten - so smitten! - charmed, bewitched.
Ooh I shook, I was bitten, amatory, ill-in-love,
Swirling, soaring, sorrowless, alive, well.
I, hero?
Ask them if I loved you.
=
What I now have is
Disaffection, disfavor, enmity, anomisity,
Umbrage, a grudge, a high dudgeon, bitterness of spleen,
Ill blood, acrimony, malice, a wish for revenge.
I hate, detest, abominate, abhor, loathe
Recoil at, shudder at, shrink from, see with horror,
Revolt against, scowl at, disrelish, dislike,
Conceive an aversion to you.
You stink in my nostrils.
I hate you.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
The
Raven
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 1999:
3rd - Mike Keith with:
A simultaneous anagram
and approximate translation of an excerpt from Dante's "Inferno".
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
A set of six anagrams of Shakespeare's sonnet #60,
attempting to match the style and substance of six novels from the 19th and 20th centuries.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
[The first sentence (in all of its purple-prose glory) of Edward
Bulwer-Lytton's novel "Paul Clifford", the first seven
words of which were later appropriated as a running gag by Charles
Schulz.]
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents,
except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent
gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that
our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating
the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
=
Tut-tut! Bulwer-Lytton's known penchant for inelegant, stagnant,
over-affected, cost-inflated prose evokes mirth a hundred years
hence. Ah-ha! A well-known comic strip talent hatches it - a textual
gag for a dog: (Snoopy wags his tail, sits at his typewriter,
fidgets, and then distills a classic theme: "It's raining,
there's no light...")
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 1999:
eq.1st - Mike Keith with:
Shake's
Pair
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Isn't Calista Flockhart really sexy? =
She's flatly ill, tacky, anorexic star.
LONG CATEGORY, November 1999:
3rd - Mike Keith with: [Fiona Apple's new album title]
When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King
What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight
and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring
There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might
So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand
and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights
and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land
and If You Fall It Won't Matter, 'Cuz You'll Know That You're
Right.
=
Oh, no! I knew it!
I thought it was safe to go to the music shop:
Then - like THAT - here's Fiona with her sophomore
(or should it be -ic?) song anthology,
glowingly titled with three-hundred-forty-odd letters.
Ow - a note! My stunned ears! How unhealthy!
What unworthy garbage has now been wrought
by that gawky, whiny non-entity!
That drunken hen drones on...
Her funky mouth wheezes hollow words,
her snake-like flute the melody.
Off, thin white wench!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Madeleine Albright =
Her label: "mediating".
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
No
by Thomas Hood
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