Anagrammy Placings by Larry Brash in 2002
All the highly-placed anagrams by Larry Brash from the 2002 Anagrammy Awards.
SPAM CATEGORY, January 2002:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Windows User,
Now you can boost the reliability of ordinary Windows 95, 98 and ME to nearly the level of Windows NT or 2000, Microsoft's professional and industrial version of Windows.
The new WinFix is a very effective way to improve the reliability of Windows, because it makes Windows fault-tolerant and self-repairing.
And WinFix is very safe, because it operates completely independent of Windows.
CLICK HERE to find out more about WinFix, the safest, most effective way to keep you working, by keeping your PC working non-stop.
Arlen Dixon, CEO
Pinewood Software Marketing
=
Dear new i-Mac owner
Congratulations on your purchase of a fine, exceptional computer, i.e. the best offer ever, a beefy G5, now with nifty Mac OSX, an excellent operating system, top one in the known wide world today.
I'd avoid it if you like Microsoft's iffy, bug-ridden, poor, weak excuse of an operating system, Windows, full of foibles and errors, known to crash often (fine, if several times a day).
Oops, no! Bad idea!
We know your Mac will never disappoint. It is very different to Windows. We know it is very stable, we know it is reliable, and is definitely not prone to Windows www virus shit.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2002:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Budweiser - The King of Beers =
Weekends of true gibberish.
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Tetrahydrocannabinol =
Inhaled, contrary to ban.
SPAM CATEGORY, February 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
DEAR LARRY BRASH,
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES, AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF TWENTY MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ($20 M U.S.) INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED, COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.
WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS, AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT, THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 60% FOR US, 30% FOR YOU AND 10% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENTAL TO THE TRANSFER.
THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (N.N.P.C.). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL FAX TO YOU A FOREIGN CONTRACTORS APPLICATION FORM, WHICH YOU WILL HAVE TO COMPLETE AND FAX BACK TO US.
THIS BUSINESS WILL TAKE US TWENTY-ONE (21) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH. FOR SECURITY REASONS, MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THIS PROPOSAL STRICTLY TO YOURSELF THAT IS DO NOT DISCUSS WITH A THIRD PARTY. ON YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THIS PROPOSAL, I WILL SEND YOU MY PERSONAL TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBERS ON THE NEXT STEP THAT IS REQUIRED. REPLY URGENTLY,
REGARDS,
CHIEF JOSEPH OBOH
=
Dear Chief Oboh,
Thank you for an extremely considerate, interesting email regarding a truckload of cash that I would make on this deal.
30 percent? WOW! That's six million buckaroos just for little old me! Sixty six thousand bananas would be quite a winner for me! An excellent cash spinner! The fun I'd have with that! Wait until I tell our friends I'll soon be a millionaire! Poor assholes, they'll be so envious!
Now, are you sure that's a legal plan? It sounded a bit dodgy to me. Quite possibly things are done in a far different way in your country. Sorry, I don't want to patronise or sound a racist.
Being a very cautious applicant, I thought that I'd check things for accuracy first before making a commitment to the plan. I've vaguely heard of Nigerian scams, cons or stuff before, but from your email, it sounds so professional, so genuine, so attractive.
I had a look at http://www.crimes-of-persuasion.com/ They had quite a few con stories, and funny cases that warn of people ripped off, beaten up or even killed. You can't believe a word that you read on the Internet! Who are these scornful creeps? What sort of non-stop crap can they concoct to scare people off overseas investments? These unsophisticated people hate entrepreneurs! I suspect their narrow misinterpretations are discourteous, contrary or psychotic. An extraordinary affront!
We should transact this very holy loan as soon as possible. You'd want exact financial details to transfer the tons of cash? My account number is: NP-1100-NN-2026-A.
Larry Brash
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
International Space Station =
It is not a pleasant container.
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Oral stimulation of the penis =
Fellatio's proteins in a mouth.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2002:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Ernesto Guevara and Fidel Castro =
Dared enforce revolt against USA.
SPAM CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The World's #1 On-line Pharmacy
Order from the convenience of your home!
No Embarrassment, Just FAST, DISCRETE Delivery!
Viagra (Sexual)
Phentermine (Weight-Loss)
Meridia (Weight-Loss)
Retin-A (Skin Care)
Propecia (Hair Loss)
Zyban (Quit Smoking)
And much more!
Click on the link below to get to the site.
http://www.pillsgroup.com/main.php?rx=2
Do you want EVERYONE to know your business?
ORDER NOW!
=
NO MORE WORRY!
We move the lot:
Marijuana (get stoned!)
Top quality brown Turkish hash (blow it!)
Heroin (mainline hit in the vein or snort in nostril)
Crack or coke (Oh, mercy!)
Ecstasy (extreme!)
LSD (big deals!)
Speed (fucking criminal!)
Uppers (high!)
Downers (12 sorts!)
Peyote (excel-lent!)
Magic mushrooms (very whacked!)
Various opiates (feel amazing!)
NO PRISON!
BUY NOW FROM US ON:
http://www.dopedealer.net/
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The actress Mae West =
Cast me, sweethearts.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Detoxification and Rehabilitation Centre =
I coax another infantile beer addict into it.
SPAM CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
GET BIG, RIPPED, & STRONG! REAL ANABOLIC PHARMACEUTICALS!*
- D-BOL - WINNI-V - EQUIPOSE - GHB - and More!
- CLICK HERE TO ENTER: SDI-LABS ANABOLICS
(Please click on the link below or copy and paste the following url into your browser if above link does not work.) http://www.sdilabs.com/s-labs/
- Build Incredible Muscle Size and Strength - Get Vascular, Hard and Ultra Ripped
NEW EXTREMELY POWERFUL PRODUCTS - Liquid Anodrol - Sustenol - Deca Nor - Masterbolan - Somatroph HGH - CLICK HERE TO ENTER: SDI-LABS ANABOLICS
SDI-LABS TOLL FREE:1-561-742-5932; 164 Lake Worth Rd. Lake Worth, FL 33467
To be cancelled FOR FREE from our email list please click on the following link and and hit send. Your email address will be removed within 24 hours. cancel@tgifcam.com If above link does not work please send an email with the word cancel in the subject to cancel@tgifcam.com
If you have previously cancelled and are still receiving this message, or need to speak with us regarding this email, you may call our ABUSE CONTROL CENTER immediately Toll Free at 1-888-425-6789 or email nomorel@tgifcam.com ,
*Our sincere love and prayers go out to all of the familys and individuals that were touched by the horrible acts committed against our country. And also for our soldiers who are now defending this great land.
=
Here's a few of the most common side effects of consuming anabolic steroids:
1. If you are a crack male bodybuilder, your prick and balls will shrivel up to baby size, and I don't mean 8 pounds and 21 inches long. Breasts will grow large, like the charming boobs of Pamela Anderson.
2. If you are a crack female bodybuilder, the clitoris will flower, swell up like a squashed ugly salami, breasts will shrink and voice will drop 2 octaves to a low awful growl.
3. The liver will become quite cirrhotic, black, necrotic, or worse, a cancerous growth.
4. All your 62 Anagrammy Awards get scrubbed or cancelled.
5. Get knobbled for dealing in illegal goods and end charged in court or confined in jail.
6. Begin to send millions of childish wretched spams to the World's 134,456,789 bored Internet users.
7. The screwball spam will include extensive prompts about removal from the list that the reader never asked to go on in the first place. All it'll do is confirm the innocent readers' email's correct and, in a flash, you can sell them to another bloody "opt-in" list.
8. You could add a clever concept, a proud patriotic tag to the end of the email to make you look like a nice, warm, decent person, not a dumb spamming creep/evil drug dealer who thinks that all 134,456,789 Internet users live in the USA.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
An "Eagle" lands on Earth's moon, making a first small permanent footprint.
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2002:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Anal intercourse =
One lunatic's rear!
LONG CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with: [The Constellations]
Andromeda, Antlia, Apus, Aquarius, Aquila, Ara, Aries, Auriga,
Bootes, Caelum, Camelopardalis, Cancer, Canes Venatici, Canis
Major, Canis Minor, Capricornus, Carina, Cassiopeia, Centaurus,
Cepheus, Cetus, Chamaeleon, Circinus, Columba, Coma Berenices,
Corona Australis, Corona Borealis, Corvus, Crater, Crux, Cygnus,
Delphinus, Dorado, Draco, Equuleus, Eridanus, Fornax, Gemini,
Grus, Hercules, Horologium, Hydra, Hydrus, Indus, Lacerta, Leo,
Leo Minor, Lepus, Libra, Lupus, Lynx, Lyra, Mensa, Microscopium,
Monoceros, Musca, Norma, Octans, Ophiuchus, Orion, Pavo, Pegasus,
Perseus, Phoenix, Pictor, Pisces, Picis Austrinus, Puppis, Pyxis,
Reticulum, Sagitta, Sagittarius, Scorpius, Sculptor, Scutum, Serpens,
Sextans, Taurus, Telescopium, Triangulum, Trangulum Australe,
Tucana, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Vela, Virgo, Volans, Vulpecula.
=
This is a list of eighty-eight constellations, all-up, visible on Earth, up in space's vacuum.
Astronomers in ancient Greece, Arabia, Mexico and Asia, and exploring Caucasian mariners observed, mapped and gave each star group arcane names - mercurial superhuman heroes, mythological creatures and various curious animals.
Polaris to Arcturus to Spica to Southern Cross; a complex panoramic circle. Our opus excludes pure spiral nebulae, quasi-circular galaxies, ubiquitous pulsars, unusual quasars, major planets or uncommon moons.
Spurious astrologers, vacuous gurus, paranoiac psychics, and manic mediums loudly murmur, as usual, auspicious star signs or particular unusual conjunctions, can exactly predict, ruin, or cure our capricious lives or mess 'em up. Many peculiar accuracies occur.
SPAM CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
INTERNATIONAL DRIVER'S LICENSE
Need a new driver's license?
Too many points or other trouble?
Just want a license that can never be suspended?
Want an ID for nightclubs or hotel check-in?
Avoid tickets, fines, and mandatory driver's education?
Protect your privacy, and hide your identity.
The United Nations gave you the privilege to be driving freely throughout the world! (The Convention on International Road Traffic of 1949, & World Court Decision, The Hague, The Netherlands).
Take advantage of your rights. Order an International Driver's Licence that will never be suspended or revoked.
Confidentiality is assured
CALL NOW
We await your call 7 days per week, 24 hours per day, including weekends and holidays.
=
An on-duty police officer pulled over a car and told its driver as he had been wearing a seatbelt, he'd automatically win over $1,949,724 in the National Driver Safety Competition.
"What are you going to do with your winnings?" said the officer.
"In truth, I reckon I'll try and get a valid driver's license again," he replied innocently.
"Dear Lord, no! Don't listen to that rotten idiot!" voiced his rotund curvy wife in the passenger's seat. "He's a real jerk when he's blind drunk!"
A very stoned cousin in the back, roused out of narcotic sleep, frowned at the cop very nervously and groaned, "Run, run! I knew we'd get us arrested and convicted in a stolen car!"
Suddenly, a tiny voice in the trunk, called out in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
USA President George W. Bush =
"Super" ego gets U.S. behind war.
SPAM CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
From the ethnobotanical herbalists who brought the herba supplementals; Kathmandu Temple Kiff "1" & "2" "Personal-Choice", pipe-smoking products/substances to the common market!!!
We are finally able to offer for your "Sensitive/Responsive", "Personal Choice" Smoking Enjoyment.the "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ Pipe-Smoking Substance Supplemental Product. Introduced after three years of research and development; Temple "3" is "Personal Choice" legal Smoking/Indulgence.Redefined!!!
Thanks to recent, dramatic, technological advances in the laboratorial processes for the extraction of alkaloid and glycocide supplements from botanicals/herbas/plant matter, we are now able to offer. in more cultivated/enhanced/viripotent/substantiated format.what had actually already been the most significant, lawful, "Personal Choice" smoking substance available on the planet. "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ is the sweet, sweet evolution of all of that.
=
To all Bob Marley Wannabes and white Weekend Rastafarians who want to smoke pot and avoid charges from members of the State Police Department, huge long jail sentences, the menace of random urine drug tests back at work, AND appear very cool and clever to your friends , then here's that ultimate product, the thing for you.
Looks like dope, smells like dope, tastes like dope, even makes you cough like dope, but, in fact, you'll never ever get stoned. It happens to be a complete placebo with little or no sedative effects. Might as well be inhaling grass clippings, common catnip, tea, or animal's crap for all it'll ever do. Can't get a bhang from this cheap stuff. Call it a complete cannabis sativa substitute, stone-free sham marihuana, no-high hash, non-commercial-strength common hemp. No examples of active tetrahydrocannabinol traces have ever been found.
The Surgeon General tells people that this flaming crap creates financial side-effects. Please, don't get burnt!
LONG CATEGORY, September 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Two whales, a male and a female, are swimming side by side in the ocean. Suddenly, the male spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.
Filled with anger, he exclaims to his female companion, "That is the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"
So, when they're close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge."
And the female agreed to this. So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.
The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that sailors were floating in the ocean. The male whale was very angry and said to the female, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp down all the sailors!"
The female stopped swimming, looked at her man and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen."
=
The milkman, Mr. Alan Jones, will be retiring soon. In the middle of his last round, he reaches the home of one of his oldest customers, the Goldsteins, where Mrs. Anna Goldstein welcomes him.
"Ah, come in here. Retiring, eh? Well, imagine that! I can tell you, we'll all miss you," she says. "We wanted to show some proper appreciation. We have organized a suitable Hebrew treat! And, the best one, already!"
She grabs him and drags the poor old fellow into the bedroom, strips off his clothes, and engages in the wildest, best, hot sex with him, till he's weeping. He is really amazed by her appetite.
She then hands him a brand new five-dollar note and then a bowl of nice heated chicken soup to eat. The milkman tastes it.
"Ah, please... eat it! Bon appetit!"
"Wait, Mrs. Goldstein, please wait. You are too kind. Why all of this?"
"Well, the other day, I said to that awful peasant of a husband of mine, Lew, 'Lew, dear... the milkman... he's retiring. I need an idea, please, Lew. What should we do for him?'"
"And, that tightarse, Lew, he said, 'What?! Ah, fuck him... give him five dollars!'"
"But the chicken soup? Aha, that was my idea!"
SPAM CATEGORY, October 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Ok this is really new to me. I'm just looking for a good time out on the town with someone that is enjoyable; I'm not looking to fall in love but who knows. I'm a creative romantic that likes a little attention every once in a wile. I would say that I was plane looks wise, I like to try new things but in not one of those girls that does everything once, if you're looking to score don't look at me. I have an adventurous heart but sometimes I need a little help bringing it out. I am truthful and dependable. I like Hiking, Horseback riding, roller blading, scuba diving, hanging out, camping, art, romantic comedies, travel and more.
contact me here http://www.designerlove.com/?rid=love11
=
Hi, my name is Viv and I think I might locate a potential tenth husband in alt.anagrams. I've lurked here and I love you people a lot. It's worth it. You're a bunch of smart fellows with letters.
OK, right, as you can tell, I'm a bit of a loser (a nitwit, too). I'm ugly as warty growths on an arsehole, I can't spell too nice neither. I've got no tits, got no friends, in debt. I drink gin and get violent, too. I've never been with a man (OK, just Maurice Goodard, but just once. I got it wrong, OK?). The mental hospital in Molde will be discharging me, when I've got someone nice, like Rick Rothstein, to look after me.
I need a strong gentleman, like David Bourke, who is nice to women. Mick Tully would be cool, too.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Electro-Convulsive Therapy =
Pray the volts cure violence.
SPAM CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Safe Sex Shell + Condom = Total Protection
The Safe Sex Shell is a circular plastic shell with a protrusive hole on the center. See http://www.sexsafe.biz
This product is to be used in combination with a condom. The protrusion wraps around the mouth of the condom, holding securely in place, thereby reducing the likelihood of it falling off.
Whereas condoms only cover parts of the penis from contact with body fluids, the shell joins together with the condom to protect the entire penis and surrounding areas, further eliminating the risk of contagion. The protrusion also produces a tension around the penis, reducing the blood flow and increasing the duration of erection.
The small protrusions around the center protrusion touch the female, let her feel more happy.
The Safe Sex Shell is invented by Mr. Lin Hua and got patent. Mr. Lin Hua wishes to cooperate with you to promote the product to world. If you are interested in the product, you can contact linhua@ustc.edu
=
Dear Mr Hua
I'm writing to complain about your product, the gizmo that one puts on one's erect penis to keep the condom on, less I end up with STD, and, if we do screw, so I can thrill the girlfriend. The Sex Shell thing...
True, it has worked just as you said, as we both had fine sex, until a few unexpected side effects occurred. The main one is I can't get the shell off!
It's been on for four months. I've managed to cut a hole in the french letter so I can finally have a piss. However, I got this chronic priapism, one permanent erection, an chronic boner, one constant hardon, the total opposite to erectile impotence. The head and whole length of the shaft's this purple colour, hot, and seriously hurts. I'm worried it could turn out to be my old penis, not the condom, that will drop off! The stench's totally putrid (people are now recoiling).
Truth is I'm hopelessly stuffed.
Should I see an expert doctor, a clinic or the urology hospital or not?
How about a return, refund or court costs?
Larry 'Eunuch' Brash
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Brash,
I am barrister Godwin Ezechukwua solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr David Brash, who used to work with shell development company in Nigeria. Here in after shall be referred to as my client.
On the 21st of April 1999, my client, his wife And their three children were involved in a car accident along sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confisicated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged. particularly, the New Nigeria Bank (NNB) Plc where the deceased had an account valued at about 10million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confisicated.
Since i have been unsuccesfull in locating the the relatives for over 2 years now i seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at 10million dollars can be paid to you and then you and i can share the money. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this dealt through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Please reply me by this email address:ezechukwu_godwin@hotmail.com for security to enable us discuss further.
Best regards, Godwin Ezechukwu (esq)
=
Dearest Counsellor Ezechukwu
It's with great sadness and shock that I received your news about my much beloved Uncle David and family's deaths. I'd long wondered why I had not had news from him these last three years but I had no idea that he and the family had met such a tragic end.
How I'll miss Uncle and his quite lovely creative wife, Kathy, and beautiful teenage children Anna and Aaron and lovely baby Erica. I can only hope that their terrible deaths were swift and painless.
Uncle David often spoke of the trip to Nigeria in his letters to me, as his nephew (one only living relative). As you may know, he travelled there excitedly to secure the large amount of money that had been offered to him in the email from the Royal Family of Chief Soebo killed during a coup.
We were puzzled and it concerned us that it was a sort of scam and tried to talk Uncle out of taking his family to your beauteous country, but your reliable news confirms that he received the money and that his decision was the correct one. Uncle also spoke at great length of the great honesty of the peaceful Nigerian people, in particular the respectable, impeccable lawyers and his obvious trust in them. Your most agreeable email proves that this trust was correctly placed.
Your kind gift of all these millions of dollars exceeds all expectations. It occurs at a very providential time. I have been quite down on my luck, have no assets, am about to be evicted, and, in essence, become homeless. Hence, under the current circumstances I require that you can post me, at once, an urgent electronic advance to cure the pressing overheads that have been troubling me recently, to cover all court case costs, reasonable retainer and search fees, special taxes, various incidentals, etc.
Please excuse my haste,
Sincere best wishes,
Peace,
Larry Brash.
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