Anagrammy Placings by Richard Grantham in 2002
All the highly-placed anagrams by Richard Grantham from the 2002 Anagrammy Awards.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
New South Wales bushfires ~
burn whilst a few use hoses.
SPAM CATEGORY, January 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Dear friend:
This is an invitation to visit our Homepage that is linked to the FREE Internet publication, THE WISE SHALL UNDERSTAND. Chapter one is entitled "Daniel 12 Revealed." Daniel 12 was NOT to be understood "until the end of the days." It is now unfolded after more than 2,500 years by using a special "key" found in Genesis 2:4; Daniel 12 carries important warnings concerning last-day deception.
Our Internet provider is frequently off-line, so please print this letter to preserve the following address where you can access this on-line publication:
HTTP://MAINFRAM.CTAZ.COM/PUBLIC/DANIEL12/HOMEPAGE.HTM
We know that there are many thinking people who are not happy with popular religion and are seeking greater truth. Please ask God for guidance as you study this material. It is of no cost to you, but we feel He would have us publish this last-day message in printed form for those unable to read it on the Internet. If you agree that it has a special message for this time, we would appreciate any contribution in U.S. funds to help with its publication. Make your check payable to ONE-WAY MINISTRIES. And mail to:
Charles and Tish Clever
One-Way Ministries
P.O. Box 432
Talihina, OK 74571, U.S.A.
Your friends in God's service,
Charles and Tish Clever
=
In the beginning God created the Net.
And the Net was without form, and useful; and the Holy Spirit lurked across the face of the screen.
And God said, Make money fast; and God saw the money, that it was good. This was the first spam.
God sent, Be a Millionaire In One Year! (Initial outlay one cent!); it was the second spam.
God sent, UNIQUE FAT-BURNING ROUTINE! To learn more, visit us here at sulphuric-acid.net!; it was the third spam.
God sent, BECOME A LICENSED MINISTER! BAPTIZE BABIES OR MARRY PEOPLE! ALL LEVELS UP TO POPE NOW AVAILABLE!; it was the fourth spam.
God sent, *ENLARGE YOUR PENIS IN MERE HOURS!!!!!*
ALL YOU NEED IS A CORVETTE WITH A ROPE!
IT REALLY WORKS!!!!!; it was the fifth spam.
God sent,
!!!!K*I*N*K*Y S*I*L*I*C*O*N*E P*O*R*N!!!!
--HOT TEEN BIKINI PARTY!
--PETITE ORIENTAL MAIDS!
--POPULAR CELEBRITIES NAKED!
--NIPPLE PICNIC!
--TERRIFIC HORNY TEEN GIRLS!
!!!!C*L*I*C*K H*E*R*E!!!!
And God saw the silicone porn, that it was bountifully cruel
and unusual; it was the sixth spam.
On the seventh day God rested, as a result of punitive action by trinity.com.
Online again soon after due to the leniency of a terrestrial ISP, He finally saw the full flower of His creation, each insipid, sinister snake He had nurtured to overrun Paradise; yea verily and He cried out in a profound voice "Oh, shit."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
eq.3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Renditions of two sonnets by
Wordsworth, one of his best and one of his worst.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2002:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Each recruit has to learn Brahms at ~
the Australian Chamber Orchestra.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
An excerpt
from The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale =
Heroine curing fallen gents.
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
An old people's home =
Oh, smell pee and poo!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
A Dream Within a Dream
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2002:
eq.3rd - Richard Grantham with:
The Bush administration =
Shit brain - mouth instead.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The People's Republic of China =
Police happen to crush belief.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Shakespeare's 102nd
sonnet, anagrammed into a lipogrammatic (W-less) rebuttal decorated with its dedicatee's initials, WH.
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2002:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Learned [adj.] =
An elder.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2002:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" =
Mark a very dandy ending to a film.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Catholic priesthood =
Poor ethics to a child.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
His Holiness Pope John Paul the Second =
The one old chap Jesus phones in Polish.
GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Confessional =
So clean of sin.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Monsieur Camille Saint-Saens =
Learns to see animals in music.
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Incestuous relationship =
Put it in cousin's arsehole.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Fifteen sets of anagrammed
national flags. The flags in each set have been subtly modified in order
to form mutual anagrams, containing the same number of pixels of each
colour.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Weapons of mass destruction =
U.S. owns most - and it's for "peace"?????
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Artistes =
Tits & arse.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary, Brisbane =
Pleasant, no-brain bears you can like.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Swan
and Shadow by John Hollander, anagrammed into another shape poem.
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Christian Fundamentalist =
In truth, a mindless fanatic.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
There was a sweet old couple that had been happily married for nearly forty years. The only friction in this marriage was due to the husband's habit of breaking wind every morning as he woke up. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to flood like swimming pools as she choked and gasped for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop it, but he told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a specialist to see if anything could be done but he would not hear of it. He replied that it was just a natural bodily function, and then he would smirk and laugh at her as she tried to wave all the fumes away quickly with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop soon, one day he was going to "fart his guts out".
Years went by, the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore all her testy warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She prepared Christmas puddings, mashed potatoes, gravy and (naturally) a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to her as to how she might solve her husband's problem once and for all.
=
With a mischievous grin on her face, she put the raw turkey guts into a bowl and quietly went upstairs an hour before her husband would awake. While he was still sound asleep, she drew back the covers and then gently removed his jocks. She then put the guts into his underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers with a smirk and tiptoed downstairs again to finish preparing the family's main meal.
An hour or two later she heard her husband awake with his usual rectal trumpeting. This was followed by a blood-curdling cry and a sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to their bathroom. The wife couldn't control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor guffawing. After years of putting up with him she had gotten even at last.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained undies with a look of horror in his eyes. She had to bite her lip to stop herself giggling and then asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" she said.
"You always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them all back in."
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
President Bush of the USA =
A fresh one, but he's stupid.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
English
Is Tough Stuff (Unpredictable Pronunciation)
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Osama bin Laden =
As named on Bali.
RUDE CATEGORY, October 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The menage a trois =
A giant threesome!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, October 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
President George 'Dubya' Bush =
Daughters binge or buy speed.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Dianetics/Scientology =
Sect citing loony ideas.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition.
Here are the 2001 Winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
=
Here is that same rather witty idea applied instead to a series of renowned artworks, essential texts, movies and so on:
The Moana Lisa: Italian painting of a cute lady with an enigmatic pout.
The Drapes of Wrath: A destitute family that seeks an easy fortune in a Californian curtain factory, only to have their dreams shattered.
Lord of the Fries: 100 shipwrecked teenage McDonald's employees instantly deteriorate into nasty savagery in their uncivilized struggle to be made Ronald.
The "Erotica" Symphony: Beethoven's truly stirring salute to Napoleon's thoroughly kinky sexual exploits.
Moby Duck: A gritty warrior on the high seas hunting for the great white mallard.
Finnegans Cake: Witty, highly original stream-of-consciousness book of labyrinthine internal speculation about a petit four.
Se2en: Idiosyncratic serial killer is apprehended, sentenced and put away before he gets going properly.
Unflowers: Van Gogh painting of a totally bare vase.
Lice in Wonderland: The White Rabbit is found to be hideously infested and has to be put down.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
A paraphrase of the 23rd Psalm in which each line is an anagram, constructed such that the six lines may be assembled into a symbol associated with the psalm's author.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Opinionated =
Idea on point.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The 'William Tell' Overture by Gioacchino Rossini =
It is lively hero music with a cool Lone Ranger bit.
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2002:
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The transsexual =
Axe her nuts last.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Richard Grantham with:
President George 'Dubya' Bush =
Beyond a sheer stupid bugger.
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