Anagrammy Placings by Allan Morley in 2003
All the highly-placed anagrams by Allan Morley from the 2003 Anagrammy Awards.
LONG CATEGORY, January 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
You are Loved
I want you to know that there is someone who loves you very much. That's important to know in the "dog eat dog world" in which we live. We spend our lives trying to earn love and respect and somehow we never seem to "measure up". It's wonderful to be loved without reservation, without having to earn it. We are loved, not because we are good, not because we have lived up to expectations, and not because we've tried to live a good life, but we are loved just like we are... faults and all. God has put a high value on our lives in that He gave His son to die on a cross to pay the penalty for all our sins. He has a very high purpose for yor life!
After 42 years of struggling with the meaning of life and what the purpose of my life should be, I met a man named Jesus and He changed my life. It has been wonderful to be loved unconditionally and to finally realize the meaning of life itself. I'm writing you to share this love and to let you know that you are a very special person in the sight of God. He only wants good for you and wants to help you in all of your trials.
=
You are Hated, Unlovely Spammer
I want you to know that there is someone who hates you very much. Very, very much. In fact, I'd judge that a whole lot of people would find these unsolicited words less of an invitation to salvation, and more of a potential reason to organize harsh, ungodly deeds that involve gleefully flogging your obese anal end and misshapen thighs with a huge wooden club.
Don't get me wrong, it's not your views I have a problem with - I've been a faithful and devout follower of Jesus my whole life. However, to invade and pollute inboxes with ANY unsolicited view, good or bad, is altogether inconsiderate, wearisome, often repulsive and villainous. Even televangelists wouldn't stoop so low.
Anyway, it defeats the purpose altogether. In essence, your futile digital entreaties are far more likely to turn secular people further away from God than vice versa, which as a believer I take offense at. Now frankly, I hope you have the opportunity to go and see God sooner rather than later - though I somewhat doubt He'd want you now.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask) =
Wise textbook does analyse every awkward thing about a fun way to rut.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
To a Terrorist
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Vegetarian meals =
Never get a salami.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Frederic Francois Chopin =
Fair prince of nice chords.
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
A Penthouse centerfold =
Cunt of one stapled here.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2003:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) =
See sad report on rare mystery virus case.
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Cigarette addiction =
I did it to get a cancer.
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2003:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Late-night television =
Love the genitals in it!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
The incumbent President of the USA =
The incompetent Bush's a true fiend.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2003:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Weapons of mass destruction =
Stupid son saw no traces of 'em.
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
A one-track mind =
Romantic, naked.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
The Apple Macintosh =
I plan to shame the PC.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2003:
eq.2nd - Allan Morley with:
The National Rifle Association =
A lone fanatical shooter is in it.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2003:
eq.2nd - Allan Morley with:
My name is Kelly LeBlanc, D.D.S. and I am a Cosmetic Dentist in Houston, Texas. I have come to realize that not everyone has the time to take off work to get his or her teeth whitened or bleached.
I have developed a unique system for bleaching your teeth from the comfort of your home and at a fraction of the cost of what it would cost at my or any other dental office.
The normal cost for teeth whitening at my office is $350-$500, but now because of the low cost of purchasing and selling on the Internet, I am able to offer to you the SAME bleaching system for only $99!
That's right, upper and lower teeth bleached as white as you would like them for only $99! There's no unnecessary trip to the dental office or the cost of seeing the dentist or hygienist. This is how I am able to pass the savings to you, your family and friends! Please feel free to forward this e-mail to anyone you know that might benefit from this tremendous offer.
=
Congratulations, feeble moron, for making the effort to realize that 99.99% of us do not have sufficiently flexible work hours (or the money) to accommodate these moronic cosmetic procedures--not to mention recommending that we offend family and friends by telling them that their teeth need to be whitened. It's shameful when a dentist has a cavity, but even worse when that cavity is where your *brain* should be.
Anyhow, let me hypothesise as to the nature of this fine idea of yours, that mystery teeth-whitening system: is it correction fluid? Clear nail polish? A fresh coat of lead-based gloss paint each afternoon?
Yeah, well I've got another teeth-whitening offer to make to you: for a mere $3,550.00 I'll come by your office, take a hefty hammer to your teeth and then squash pieces of soft white chalk into the resulting gaps. The effect is as good or better, and it's almost totally foolproof. So, how does Monday sound?
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