Anagrammy Placings by Larry Brash in 2003
All the highly-placed anagrams by Larry Brash from the 2003 Anagrammy Awards.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
INTRODUCTION: l am Mrs. Eki Omorodion l know this proposal will come to you as a surprise because we have not met before either physically or through correspondence. I have no doubt in your ability to handle this proposal involving huge sum of money.
THE SUBJECT: MY HUSBAND CHIEF JOSEPH OMORODION (Now Late) was the Royal Head of my Community, JESSE (an oil rich town) in Nigeria. My late husband's community produces 3.5% of the total crude oil production in Nigeria and 0.5% of the Dollar value of each barrel is paid to my husband as royalty by the Federal Government.
My husband was also the Chairman of OMPADEC, Jesse branch. In his position as the Royal head and Chairman of the OMPADEC, Jesse branch, he made some money which he left for me and our children as the only thing to inherit. The money is Twelve Million US Dollars ($12M).
Though this said fund accumulated between the period 1976-1998. Due to poor banking system in Nigeria and political instability as a result of past Military rules (1985-1999), he deposited this Money in a Strong Room/safe with an open beneficiary in Apex Bank of Nigeria pending when he would finish arrangement to transfer it abroad as a CONTRACT PAYMENT. He was planning this when he died late last year of Heart Attack.
THE PROPOSAL: Just before my husband died he called my attention to the money and charged me to look for a foreigner who would assist me in the transfer / investment of the funds abroad. So l would be very grateful if you could accept to help me archieve this great objective.
I promise to give you 20% of the total funds transferred to your vital bank account as compensation for your assistance. Five percent (5%) would be set aside to take care of all expenses we may incure during the transaction. To indicate your interest, contact me urgently and confidentially for more information and the roles you will play in this business. All the legal information concerning this Money will be sent to you as soon as we agree together.
Send your reply through this mail box, or see the note below
Yours faithfully, MRS. Eki Omorodion.
N.B I will like you to provide me immediately with your full names, telephone and fax numbers to enable my eldest son Whyte Omorodion to contact you. He shall handle this transaction from A-Z on behalf of the family. Alternatively you can call him on his telephone numbers 234-1-7761459, 873-762-533-730, fax 873-762-533-731. Ask him for the code and he shall respond GOODLUCK before discussion. Just to be sure that you are speaking to him.
=
Dear Mrs Omorodion,
Thank you for your polite email. I'm sorry to hear about the sudden and unexpected death of your husband. I extend my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I'm sure that your noble husband was a phenomenal man and I'd also feel that he would be proud of this humane project, too.
To me, it's sad to see how many black African leaders are murdered or die under suspicious circumstances each year, judging from the large number of these emails that are sent by their widows, remaining family members, and little children, hoping to relocate their funds in a safe place overseas. My heart goes out to those who lose dear ones in such a way.
Occasionally I also have noticed that there are many top Nigerian government officials who misjudged their budgets, to have been in that spot, predominantly by "over-invoicing", and who are keen to share their good fortune with smart people overseas. In short, such generosity amazes me. However, it concerns me that transfer of such vast sums of money may injure the economy of your countries in Africa. Still, I suppose they know what they're doing. No doubt, many international investors will excitedly pool millions in funds into your country to balance this, such is the trust that they would have of the integrity of the unimpeachable Nigerian Government and a handful of capable businessmen controlling the boom's potential profit.
I download many emails from capable Nigerian lawyers and dedicated councillors spending many hours looking for family members of deceased white foreigners, again to possibly share the wealth left behind. I had to sadly reject their offers, as I was not actually related to the deceased. In my judgement, it would seem dishonest of me to exploit the solicitor's human mistake. We're all guilty of the occasional foolish booboo.
Luckily, the Nigerian nation has come up a long way since the violent years of abhorrent British and European white colonial control. In my opinion, it appears that the population of your land has put the problems behind them, so I'm hoping that the national outlook is all optimism.
If you've no objection, please send my money, exactly one billion dollars, as bullion, small bills or as a check payable to a worthy charity, namely the "Foundation for Underprivileged Children of Kenya - Overseas Food Fund", better known by the acronym "F.U.C.K. - O.F.F.", of which I'm just the humble president.
Thanks
Larry Brash
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Benign prostatic hyperplasia =
Big Pa can rarely piss in the pot.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
ESP is most commonly known as the "sixth sense." It is
sensory information that an individual receives which comes beyond the ordinary
five senses sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. It can provide the
individual with information of the present, past, and future; as it seems to
originate in a second, or alternate reality.
History:
The term
"ESP" was used in 1870 by Sir Richard Burton. A French researcher, Dr. Paul
Joire, in 1892 used the term ESP to describe the ability of person who had been
hypnotized or were in a trance state to externally sense things without using
their ordinary senses.
However, the phenomena of ESP activity has been
indicated much earlier, some say even in Biblical times. Although there is no
clear evidence as to the certainty of the phenomena it has attracted the
attention and enthusiasm of many throughout the centuries.
In the 1920's
a Munich ophthalmologist, Dr. Rudolph Tischner, used ESP in describing the
"externalization of sensibility." Then in the 1930s the American
parapsychologist J. B. Rhine popularized the term to include psychic phenomena
similar to sensory functions. Rhine was among the first parapsychologists to
test ESP phenomena in the laboratory.
The first systematic study of ESP
was conducted in 1882, when the Society for Psychical Research was founded n
London. The journals of this society Proceedings and Journal were published as
well as other publications in the United States and the Netherlands. Soon other
countries were reporting similar findings.
However, these first studies
of ESP were rarely experimental. The studies consisted of mostly spontaneous
incidents that were located. Many of the individuals studied were self-claimed
"sensitives" or psychics. Rarely were they examined under anything resembling
laboratory conditions. The researchers conducting the examinations resembled
prosecuting lawyers. The subjects were bombarded with questions, those standing
up the best were judged creditable.
=
Steve approaches a bus stop and notices a man waiting there. He says, "do you have
any idea when the next bus is due?" The man replies that it will be here in three
minutes and thirty-four seconds.
"How can you be so definite that it'll be in
exactly three minutes and thirty-four seconds?"
The man replies: "Just
wait and you will see." Sure enough, three minutes and thirty-four seconds
later, at the precise second, the bus stops by the curb.
Steve is
puzzled, but dismisses it cynically: "Crap! In my opinion, I consider that it
occurred only as a coincidence... an error".
"No error", the man informs
him. "The next bus will be here in exactly three minutes and fifty-nine
seconds". Again the bus appears exactly on time, correctly as he had predicted.
He repeats the feat for the following three buses, each specific one appears
right on time.
Steve's amazed and he tells the man that is just
startling. He's never seen anything concerning this before. "Just how did you
happen to find this?"
The man replies: "It is called ESP".
Baffled, he replies, "And just what is that?"
The man indicates
it means Extrasensory Perception.
Steve, convinced that there is
something in this, cries:
"Wow, this is real cool! I wonder if I can
learn it, too? I want to be able to do it and impress people".
"Sure, no
problem. I'll teach you this rare secret. Just come down this lane with me".
They go down the lane. The man tells him to drop his trousers.
"No chance, don't be silly!" he cries. The man dismisses his concerns,
"you can trust me, friend; it is quite harmless; don't be worried". He drops his
pants very cautiously.
"Now bend over".
Horrified, he screams
"NO, Stupid! Sorry, no way am I going to do that!"
"Nonsense! Don't
worry! It is alright; trust me, friend; don't panic, sir, do not; I'm sincere
indeed".
He bends over warily and, as fast as lightning, the man drops
his trousers and rips his stiff penis hard into Steve's arse in a second, before
he can react.
Steve cries in horror. "SHIT! I JUST KNEW YOU WERE GOING
TO DO THAT!"
The man replies "See, there you go, you're getting the hang
of it already."
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
Reporter: "Very many cases sure to die."
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The medicinal uses of marihuana =
Me? Inhale to cure AIDS? Uh... as if, man!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome =
No curing of my tired aches.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, kappa, lambda, mu, nu, xi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, upsilon, phi, chi, psi, omega. =
I'll aim to applaud this amazing Greek alphabet. Text, in common use, might appear as: "euthanasia", "utopia", "phobia", "diploma", "coma".
LONG CATEGORY, June 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The twelve cranial nerves: Olfactory, Optic, Oculomotor, Trochlear, Trigeminal, Abducent, Facial, Vestibulocochlear, Glossopharyngeal, Vagus, Accessory, and Hypoglossal
=
Giving control of smell, eyesight, visual accuracy, face's tonal character, hearing, balance, taste, vocal cords, stomach. Will propel shoulders or loop a tongue very ably, too.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
"It was once believed that a million monkeys at a million keyboards would eventually
type the works of Shakespeare, but the Internet has since disproved this theory."
=
Instead, we only have to tolerate useless spam like: "Make Money Fast!"; "Buy
Online Holiday!"; "Total Help with Debt!" "Have Harder Erections!";
or "Visit Kinky Dutch Porn Websites!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo =
Let's be the one long-haired ganja group.
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud =
Halt fancying Mother's pussy, Dude.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
God, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And Wisdom to know the difference.
=
Concede me, tonight, the Confidence
To create fine anagrams,
And, then hoping that when it occurs,
Get eight category wins.
Thanks, God.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
It is easier for a camel to through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. =
Something of a cheeky mistranslation there, eh? If not a fine animal of the desert, it ought have read "coarse rope".
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Members of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists =
By all the results and models, we are claiming that Prozac is safe for anyone.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The fortieth anniversary of the assassination of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy =
Let's join, in steady tears, gaze on and thank this fine Navy hero president for his effort.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2003:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
On the twelfth day of Christmas
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