Anagrammy Placings by Meyran Kraus in 2003
All the highly-placed anagrams by Meyran Kraus from the 2003 Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Literature for blind persons =
Friends turn prose to Braille.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Military Headquarters =
'I am ready - let's hurt Iraq!'
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Guitarist Pete Townshend =
What git studies teen porn?!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
There are causes worth dying for, but none worth killing for. (Albert Camus) =
Er, oil?... Is 'Great barrels of crude oil' a term unknown to that Frenchy? (G.W. Bush)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Christina
Rossetti: Listening
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
'The Station' club, Rhode Island =
Locals burned to death in this.
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A cheap motel =
Place to...*ahem*.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, February 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
George Walker Bush, President of America =
Help urge a big war, for I seek a second term.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Salvation Army =
Heal my starvation.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
One Splendid Demonstration of ESP
1. Pick a number from 1 to 10.
2. Multiply it by 9. Add the digits of the result together. Subtract 5.
3. Assign a letter to the answer you have (A=one, B=two, etc).
4. Think of a country that begins with this letter.
5. Think of an animal that begins with the second letter of the country.
6. What's a colour associated with the animal?
7. That's odd... see, there are no grey elephants in Denmark!
=
A Lesson In Fear
1. Repeat stages 1-3 in the trick above.
2. Think of the name of a cute bird that starts with that letter.
3. Imagine the snappy sound it makes. Go on.
4. Obtain the first letter of that sound. Think about a country which ends with the letter.
5. Try to dwell on the global menace its cold, sadistic leader presents.
6. Then, drift your hate towards the camel-humping demons...
7. Honey, you're now a bigot.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Shakespeare's 117th sonnet anagrammed into three less-than-serious poetic renditions of famous texts by the bard.
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Congressional Medal of Honor =
Hang on chest of one moral soldier.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Jules Verne, 'Around the World in Eighty Days' =
Journey through new lands is very detailed!
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Mysterious rectal foreign bodies =
I used to force gerbils into my arse.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The president of Iraq, Saddam Hussein =
Press had to enquire if this man's dead.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's 'The Separation of Light from the Darkness' =
The halo of our Lord is breathtaking on Rome's Sistine Chapel fragment.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A small bit from Lewis Carroll's 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland', Chapter VIII
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Countries of the Third World =
Tourist threw children food.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes =
So, can he solve the murder, folks?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The cartoon dad Homer Simpson =
That moron mopes and cries "D'oh!"
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum." (A quote by Quentin Crisp) =
"Simple U.S. involvement can sometime help me end a goon's tyranny... But it's not quite simple, nor complete." (Civilian in Iraq)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Edwin Arlington Robinson:
Richard Cory
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Sexually Transmitted Disease =
Elementary, as I dated six sluts!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. (Clarence Seward Darrow) =
Once considered it wry babble, but God, I swear - now that I'm in power, I can only admit it's a well-observed adage! (Cheney)
LONG CATEGORY, May 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
SIZE AND STAMINA DO MATTER More Than You Can Possibly Imagine!!
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=
My Penis Log!
Day 1
The pills are here!!! The Fed Ex man ogled at me like I'm some sort of creep, but I
couldn't care less. I popped 2 pills after lunch, gulped 6 liters of cider and ran 70
times in one circle, just as the instructions told me. XXL briefs, here I come!
Day 3
Still 5 inches. Running in circles left me sick. It's a bit eerie, I don't recall
I had four nipples.
Day 7
I'm now primarily limping and falling over.
Reread the ingredients; it contains 'Lots of cat hair'. Did I overdose?
Day 10
I'm three-legged!... Well, mainly since I now have a leg instead of an arm. At least
I don't fall over so often. No growth, but when I urinate, it comes out in some strange
fluorescent colour.
Dya 23
snoozed for ten hours; can't get an erection. I'm not bitter, but I can't be alert
for more than
yda 2.245/4
sleepy -- penis needs ambulance
Day 30
I grew an extra inch!!! ER surgeons borrowed tissues from the new ArmLeg to rescue
the teeny, mutated penis, and after the transplant, I got a minor annex! 100% success,
indeed!!!
Thanx, anonymous spammer!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Two celestial poems
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Disney's classic feature, 'Bambi' =
Baby deer in a film? It's a success!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The foreign policy of the United States =
See that fight erupt if tycoon needs oil.
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
They are platonic friends =
(Pity I can't fondle her arse...)
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2003:
eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The US Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton =
Control horny man - halt his adulteries!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Louvre Museum in Paris =
House unveils premium art!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Washington Irving's tale, "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" =
The Felon gallops with no noggin, yet will sever heads!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow: Night
GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Every cloud has a silver lining"? =
No, such drivel is largely naive.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, July 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
All I ever wanted
All I ever
needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very
Unnecessary
They can
only do harm. (Depeche Mode)
=
We heard heavenly rhymes as they
conveyed a dream world - one so real and unmarred, it's perceived merely in
silence.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The odd origin of the word 'Orange' (quoted from "Etymologically Speaking")
Orange (Eng.); Orange (Fr.); Naranja (Sp.); Arancia (It.)
Interestingly, none of these terms come from the Latin word for orange, citrus aurentium;
instead, they all come from the ancient Sanskrit naga ranga, which literally means
"fatal indigestion for elephants." In certain traditions the orange, not the
apple, is the fruit responsible for original sin. There was an ancient Malay fable -
which made its way into the Sanskrit tongue around the Seventh or Eighth Centuries
B.C. - that links the orange to the sin of gluttony and has an elephant as the
culprit. Apparently, one day an elephant was passing through the forest, when he
found a tree unknown to him in a clearing, bowed downward by its weight of
beautiful, tempting oranges; as a result, the elephant ate so many that he
burst. Many years later a man stumbled upon the scene and noticed the fossilized
remains of the elephant with many orange trees growing from what had been its
stomach. The man then exclaimed, "Amazing! What a naga ranga (fatal indigestion
for elephants)!"
=
Other amazing examples:
'I'm pregnant' - It appears that the source of the word 'pregnant' is linked to the
Albanian saying (mainly used by young adults), "Amah, preh ann ante", that
states: "Honey, I think we're screwed".
'Britney Fans' - Amazingly, the phrase doesn't refer to the singer, as such; in fact,
it's one of a few entertaining Latin anagrams from the nineteenth century, of 'Bres
Infanty', more or less translated to: 'The Infants who are drawn to an Ample Mammary Gland'.
'Sequel' - An alteration of 'Sechu Wal', an Argentinian gang-slang phrase which
means "Another kick to the groin" (often that of a mugging victim lying injured
in the street). It was popularised by H. Wood, the aging leader of the Calephornea gang,
constantly asserting that "it could gain one more profit - well, nine times out of
ten".
'God' - One of the hardest origins to find; Some tenable theories: The archaic Finnish
'Gutenn', which meant either 'A nobler one' or 'Mail fraud'; Pompeii's "Gatne
chenuale!" ("Thanks a bunch for that crater!"); And the Hebrew "Tiru
et ha-Godel!", or: "Wow, what a fat ass!", allegedly what Moses yelled at
the Lord's apparition on Mount Sinai.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2003:
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Eminem: Cleaning Out My
Closet
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Could we invade other countries ~
without clear or sound evidence?
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Easy women =
We moan 'yes!'
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, August 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The dictator Saddam Hussein =
Mustached sadist ran to hide.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
76th Academy Awards Rules
For Distinguished Achievements During 2003
RULE ONE
AWARDS DEFINITIONS
1. Academy Awards of merit shall be given annually to honor outstanding achievements
in theatrically-released feature-length motion pictures, and to honor other achievements
as provided for in the rules and approved by the Board of Governors.
=
The heads of the Foundation for Taste in Cinema have devised an apology for any direct
or indirect involvement in these sheer stupid movies:
Superman IV
Gigli
Dude, Where's My Car?
Armageddon
Urban Legends: Final Cut
All inane rubbish that features Adam Sandler
The odd Last Action Hero that ran an hour too long
Spice World
We're so very sorry.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
3 Angles to Frost's 'The Road Not Taken'
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, August 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Bet I can eliminate errors in my words!
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The ballet position =
It shall be on tiptoe.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2003:
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Olympic medallists =
Simply athletic models!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Middle East violence =
Evidence led to Islam.
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A skirt chaser =
I track her ass.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
American President J.F.K. =
A frantic jerk sniped me
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Stonehenge, in the downland of Salisbury Plain =
Long boulders in an open field? Why, that's insane!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
'Anagram Genius - The Book' (William Tunstall-Pedoe & Donald L. Holmes) =
One will look them up to read all about small gags hidden in names!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
When I consider every thing that grows
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2003:
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mental Disturbance =
Unclear mind, at best.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Cartoons featuring Tom and Jerry =
Rodent runs from a cat in great joy!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Norton AntiVirus (a Symantec product) =
Instant auto-scan on my corrupt drive.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
[Office of the Press Secretary, October 24, 2003]
The President's Ramadan Message
I send greetings to Muslims in the United States and around the
world observing the holy month of Ramadan.
Ramadan is the holiest season in the Islamic faith, commemorating
the revelation of the Qur'an to Muhammed. This month of introspection
provides Muslims a time to focus on their faith and practice God's
commands. Through fasting, prayer, contemplation, and charity,
Muslims around the world renew their commitment to lead lives
of honesty, integrity, and comion.
Throughout our history, people of different faiths have shaped
the character of our Nation. Islam is a peaceful religion, and
people who practice the Islamic faith have made great contributions
to our Nation and the world. As Americans, we cherish our freedom
to worship and we remain committed to welcoming individuals of
all religions. By working together to advance freedom and mutual
understanding, we are creating a brighter future of hope and opportunity.
Laura joins me in sending our best wishes. Ramadan mubarak.
George W. Bush
=
[Translation from Arabic of the actual message]
Could the camel-fornicator that finds our memo please it along
to the People of Iraq?
Hi, Arab maggots! It's me, Mr. G. I just wanna inform you of them
funds heading your way - and of the conditions them funds involve.
Nope, our dime sure doesn't come cheap. There's a reason we're
the world's richest nation, and I intend to maintain this title.
First: Give me my nuclear weapons back. Our army slaved on them
top-notch pieces of arsenal; Saddam bought them from America for
a fair price and promised to trigger them when we give him the
order. Not only this traitor didn't come through, now you are
claiming this prime nuclear goodness disappeared into thin air?
C'mon, Donald begs for his uranium to return - be fair to him,
the man can't live without it.
Second: Does the phrase 'Christ Is Your Friend' ring a bell? Get
used to it.
And last one: Capitalism. Nuff said.
George
P.S. Laura is curious: why would someone want to celebrate the
Ramada Inn? She reminded me of that night we spent there and got
a stomach flu virus from their room service. I think she has a
damn good point.
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Correspondent ~
does CNN report.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Warrant Issued for Michael Jackson's Arrest =
Star remains just a wacko for children's arse!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
American President George W. Bush =
He needs grim war to bring us peace?!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The recent Microsoft Windows update =
Few noticed it's the same worn product.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Anthology: The Best Of Michael Jackson
Disc 1
1. Got To Be There
2. Rockin' Robin
3. Ain't No Sunshine
4. Maria (You Were The Only One)
5. I Wanna Be Where You Are
6. Girl Don't Take Your Love From Me
7. Love Is Here And Now You're Gone
8. Ben
9. People Make The World Go 'Round
10. Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo-Da-Day
11. With A Child's Heart
12. Everybody's Somebody's Fool
13. Greatest Show On Earth
14. We've Got A Good Thing Going
15. In Our Small Way
16. All The Things You Are
17. You Can Cry On My Shoulder
18. Maybe Tomorrow
19. I'll Be There
20. Never Can Say Goodbye
21. It's Too Late To Change The Time
22. Dancing Machine
Disc 2
1. When I Come Of Age
2. Dear Michael
3. Music And Me
4. You Are There
5. One Day In Your Life
6. Make Tonight All Mine
7. Love's Gone Bad
8. That's What Love Is Made Of
9. Who's Looking For A Lover
10. Lonely Teardrops
11. Cinderella Stay Awhile
12. We're Almost There
13. Take Me Back
14. Just A Little Bit Of You
15. Melodie
16. I'll Come Home To You
17. If N' I Was God
18. Happy
19. Don't Let It Get You Down
20. Call On Me
21. To Make My Father Proud
22. Farewell My Summer Love
=
Reviews by the delighted customers:
"A bloody good job, Michael - so good that I neglected my web-surfing for a whole day!" (Pete Townshend)
"We love your work!" (N.A.M.B.L.A.)
"Oh my god, what a dreamy collection! Playing the album in my room really gets me in the mood to drive by a school" (Pee Wee Herman)
"Not bad, for a goy! Hearing your voice fetched cute memories of Soon-Yi when she turned eight" (Woody Allen)
"Love the groove, Mike my man! Ah hell, you are too cool for words. Oh, and thanks for your latest advice - teenage booties ARE an inspiration!" (R. Kelly)
"Please, allow me to e-mail a 'kudos' for a nugget of an album, Michael. I know we don't see eye to eye when it comes to gender, but I like the overall theme... And ignore the D.A. - he is such a killjoy" (Roman Polanski)
"A great treat by an immortal icon... Holier than the Holiest... We would be honored to send some boys your way as indication of our gratitude" (from a long note by several anonymous Catholic clergymen)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Magic by Shel Silverstein
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Casino hotels =
To lose cash in.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Best-Selling Book in the World =
Still the Bible - God knew no others!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Saddam Hussein, the Iraqis' former president =
A squad pried his ass from his retirement den.
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Two-ply bathroom tissue =
Royal smooth butt wipes.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2003:
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Renaissance painter Michelangelo =
Real giant scenes in a chapel in Rome.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Peer-to-Peer File Sharing Software =
I saw great piles of free porn there!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2003:
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
What's the sole difference between America's president and Mussolini? =
I need no faster mind if there's such a simple answer: Benito was *elected*.
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