Anagrammy Placings by David Bourke in 2004
All the highly-placed anagrams by David Bourke from the 2004 Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Meal for one ~
for me, alone.
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The US actor Benjamin Affleck ~
is a bereft man...he can't fuck J-Lo!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The National Association of Dog Obedience Instructors, Incorporated =
A resource to condition snarling Fido to be nice to those paranoid cats.
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
Pure animal lust =
Natural impulse.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
Fourscore and seven years ago,
our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,
conceived in liberty and dedicated
to the proposition that all men
are created equal.
-- A. Lincoln
=
Today, I have created for the nation,
a New Labour cult of overloaded spin,
cheating and deception, sheer arrogant
conceit, moronic nonsense, half-truths
and quite rotten lies.
-- Tony Blair
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, March 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
That is *a* way...another's ammo through his chest!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
The RSPCA (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) =
If (in error) a vile person flattens your cat Sooty, they help to catch 'em!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
[A "two-dimensional" anagram using all the (non-blank) Scrabble®
tiles on a Scrabble® board, making a sentence as you follow the words from top-left
to bottom-right.]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG
HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO
PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z
=
(Opinion: Our square Scrabble boards are extreme,
too-crazed game places steady and tedious halfwits, we
all have, via fine fun, enjoying win with the ego OK).
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The President of The United States of America, George Walker Bush =
"Seek Bin Laden!" He set out after Osama, he screwed right up. Forget it!
LONG CATEGORY, May 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
I, George Walker Bush, do solemnly swear that
I will faithfully execute the office of President
of the United States and will, to the best of my
ability, preserve, protect, and defend the
Constitution of the United States
=
I, Tony Blair, swear I will ignore the wishes of
the electorate, veto, not listen, feed the media
tittle-tattle/hype, suck up to Bush, fix-up student
fees, defeat the lefties, and stuff Gordon Brown.
Democracy? Totally finished!
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
A domestic housecat =
Does it catch a mouse?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The German neurologist Dr Alois Alzheimer =
Memories going, lost in a rather dull... er... haze.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The Empire State Building, New York City =
Incredible imagery - it went up to the sky!
LONG CATEGORY, June 2004:
eq.2nd - David Bourke with:
"I think I did something for the worst possible reason
- just because I could. I think that's the most, just
about the most morally indefensible reason that anybody
could have for doing anything. When you do something
just because you could. I've thought about it a lot.
And there are lots of more sophisticated explanations,
more complicated psychological explanations. But none
of them are an excuse. Only a fool does not look to
explain his mistakes." - William Jefferson Clinton
=
"Yes, I do confess I *did* stoop to enjoy extra-marital
sexual relations in the office with 'that' loose woman
Monica Lewinsky. I did put cigars up in places that I
just shouldn't, too. But did NOT inhale. Oh God, I'm so
sorry to my beloved Hillary for the embarrassment that
I caused to her, and Chelsea too. I just feel a thoughtless
buffoon. Totally unacceptable. Most inexcusable. On oath,
next time I see Monica, kecks on, no bonking. Oh goodness,
no no no!! - I'll just be happy to give her a mouthful."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Celebration - Kool & the Gang
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
Victoria Sellers ~
reveals clitoris.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
"I think I did something for the worst possible reason
- just because I could. I think that's the most, just
about the most morally indefensible reason that anybody
could have for doing anything. When you do something
just because you could. I've thought about it a lot.
And there are lots of more sophisticated explanations,
more complicated psychological explanations. But none
of them are an excuse. Only a fool does not look to
explain his mistakes."
- William Jefferson Clinton
=
I toppled Saddam Hussein "just because I could". That's
the best excuse I can think of. OK, so no major "weapons
of mass destruction" were found, exactly. Many U.S.
military innocently lost their lives to buy oil. So? I
feel Baghdad is now a safer place. No, I haven't thought
it through at all. Others did. It seems to them that the
only possible explanation's that I'm congenitally one damn
'stoopid' fool. Officially moronic in the extreme. A drunk
lunatic joke. Out soon, no job. Boo hoo!
- George Bush
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
PREPARING FOR EMERGENCIES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
The Presidential election =
Select the perennial idiot!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The English wartime singer Dame Vera Margaret Lynn =
Damn Germans hate her very stirring "We'll Meet Again"!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
"Mr William Tunstall-Pedoe! I am your biggest fan!" =
"Swell! I'm a little bit proud of my Anagram Genius!"
LONG CATEGORY, September 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The book 'The Haynes Workshop Manual: Woman.
Age 16 years to 21 recurring. All models, shapes, sizes and colours
- The practical guide to women's health for men'
=
How to:
- Chat her up.
- Undo bra.
- Grease nipples.
- Wash undercarriage.
- Oil 'G-zone'.
- Fill any holes / marks.
- Make the slut scream: "OOH! AH!! YES!!!" (Needs own tool - at most 12-16 cm.)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
Piano Man
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
To boldly go where no man has gone before... =
Fella woos her, no bra... go to bed, hymen gone!
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
The cosmetic dental practitioner =
I implant nice teeth at record cost.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, October 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The singer Tina Turner =
Rather uninteresting.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
A Christmas number one ~
means abhorrent music.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender says, "But you're a duck."
"Yep, that is very true," says the duck.
"And you talk, too!" exclaims the bartender."
"Indeed I do," says the duck, "I'd like a large beer, and one of your finest sandwiches."
"Certainly," says the bartender, "it's just we don't get to see too many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around these parts?"
"I'm working for a builder in this area," replies the duck.
So then the duck has his beer and sandwich, pays up and leaves.
One day, the ringleader of a circus comes into the pub, and the bartender tells him about his clever friend, the talking duck.
"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "ask him to come over and see me."
The next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, you're in luck. I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "where?"
"At the circus," says the bartender.
"The circus?"
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"That place with all those animals? With the great big tent?"
"Yes, that's right," says the bartender.
The duck looks confused.
"So what do they want with a plasterer?"
=
A man, a flamingo, and a black cat enter a bar. The man says to the bartender: "Hey, I'd like a bottle of Bud!" The flamingo says: "Ooh, you know, I'd just LOVE a pina colada, please sir, if that's not too much trouble." The cat cussed: "Hey! I want a double scotch whisky. Buckshee. Heck, I sure ain't paying! And hurry, OK!" The bartender was utterly speechless!
The next night, these same three characters venture back in. The man orders a Bud, the flamingo a pina colada, and the cat a scotch, curtly adding: "Hey! Damn sure I AIN'T paying, OK!" Rather shocked, surprised, and pretty perturbed, the bartender can't contain his curiosity, and asks about these creatures (the bird and the very rude pesky cat).
"OK..." the customer says, "...I was out on the links yesterday, when I missed a shot, well crooked into the bushes. I went to retrieve the ball, there was this hundred-year old muddy bottle lying there. As I opened it - 'Eureka!' - out came this genie, who expressed he'd grant any wish I desired."
"Like, sure buddy! Heck, just what did you ask for?"
Red-eyed, he answers: "A pretty cultured bird with very long legs and a dark, tight pussy!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
'Do They Know It's Christmas?' - Band Aid
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2004:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The tsunami disaster =
Asians muttered "SHIT!"
LONG CATEGORY, December 2004:
3rd - David Bourke with:
"...Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns. Oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest - no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say 'No, Hoyt' and talk to him like a dog..."
"Hoyt began moving his lips as if he were trying to suck the ice cream off the top of a cone without using his teeth. She tried to make her lips move in sync with his. The next thing she knew, Hoyt had put his hand sort of under her thigh and hoisted her leg up over his thigh. What was she to do? Was this the point she should say, 'Stop!'? No, she shouldn't put it that way. It would be much cooler to say, 'No, Hoyt,' in an even voice, the way you would talk to a dog that insists on begging at the table..."
"...moan moan moan moan moan..."
=
Throb! Oh, how erotic! Oh, how passionate! Oh, how hot! Oh, tosh! Utter tosh. Three astonishingly pathetic "highlights", thanks to the American author Tom Wolfe's
novel 'I Am Charlotte Simmons', the winner this year of the "Bad Sex In Fiction Awards", (behind it, London's 'The Literary Review'), the purpose of which is: "...to draw the attention to the crude, the tasteless, the often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it".
The New York-based author, then, wins champagne with that joke Oscar-style statuette thingumajiggy, although the bonking laughing-stock shall not receive them, as he has sheepishly declined his invitation to the winners ceremony night this month. "How thoughtless! Now he's the only one ever to do that", said a helpful spokesperson.
(Uh, by the way, that big, long, hard "O"-word, though, just meant "anything that's to do with the ear, the nose and the throat")
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2004:
1st - David Bourke with:
How The Grinch Stole Christmas!
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