Anagrammy Placings by David Bourke in 2005
All the highly-placed anagrams by David Bourke from the 2005 Anagrammy Awards.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
A Peter Cook/Dudley Moore sketch
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
I just came in my sleep =
Untimely jism escape!
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
In rehabilitation ~
I halt inebriation.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The singer Madonna Louise Ciccone =
Do me a continual screeching noise!
LONG CATEGORY, February 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
"I, George Walker Bush, do solemnly swear that
I will faithfully execute the office of President
of the United States and will, to the best of my
ability, preserve, protect, and defend the
Constitution of the United States."
=
Detestable dense twit: "I intend to:
- Misuse my power
- Use oil resources fiftyfold. Plenty left.
- Invade Iran, then North Korea... so what the hell!
- Execute the gays
- Stuff that sweet little old Condi Rice
- Puff that big fat doobie."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2005:
eq.2nd - David Bourke with:
Slough
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Personalised number plates =
Barred name spells out PEN15.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The singer and blues guitarist Eric Clapton =
Regrets cocaine... but still standing up, I hear!
LONG CATEGORY, March 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
"I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's." - Mark Twain
=
Many, many core voters in America now feel, in President George Walker Bush, is in fact, a testament to this view. An ignorant, top-rank moron... no question!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Afroman - 'Because I Got High'
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The typical blonde-haired woman =
On the whole, rated incapably dim.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
His Holiness Pope Benedict =
Ich bin ein hopeless despot.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Queen will miss the civil wedding of Prince Charles
and Camilla Parker Bowles on April 8th, Buckingham Palace
has confirmed. As the prince and Mrs Parker Bowles wished
to keep the occasion a "low-key" affair, the Queen would
honour their plans and stay away, the palace said. But the
sovereign intends to join the congregation at a church
blessing service led by the Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan
Williams in St George's Chapel at Windsor Castle, following
the civil wedding, the spokesman added.
=
The 8 vital reasons Prince Charles is quite happy to wed
Camilla Parker Bowles:
- Posh, intelligent, has whole character, advanced wit
...yet she's cheap!
- Accepts won't be Queen.
- Martin Bashir has no interest in interviewing her.
- Elton John won't be doing a piece about her fast.
- Doesn't listen to Duran Duran/Wham!/Phil Collins CDs
- Won't be producing half-siblings for William/Harry.
- Ravaged, craggy, pachyderm-faced, looks decomposed.
- Lewd, wicked... bangs like a shithouse door in a gale.
(She'll make Chuck a fine wife!)
LONG CATEGORY, May 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
George Galloway:
"All your lies have come back to haunt you.
The best thing the Labour party could do is
sack you tomorrow morning... New Labour
plumbed new depths in this campaign."
=
Bethnal Green and Bow Muslim Holy War:
With much courage, a cheeky Respect Party
loudmouth beats unpopular old cow Oona King,
gives a bloody nose to Tony "Liar" Blair,
the smug git.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noël Coward [version I]
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The former child actor Macaulay Carson Culkin =
Outcry, alarm, and rancour... Michael felt his cock!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2005:
1st - David Bourke with:
Iraq oil + arms trade =
Al-Qaida terrorism.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noël Coward [version II]
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
Giant testicles ~
testing elastic.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2005:
1st - David Bourke with:
The American singer Sheryl Crow =
Why Lance Armstrong is cheerier
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, September 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Federation of Bakers =
I often eat fresh bread, OK!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2005:
1st - David Bourke with:
Wallace and Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit =
Blast the unwelcome big-eared raw carrot thief!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2005:
2nd - David Bourke with:
Margaret Thatcher is now eighty years old =
Sad geriatric Tory here. (The ghastly woman!)
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2005:
1st - David Bourke with:
The Medical Research Council =
"Ah, sod the mice, I'll cure cancer!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noël Coward [version III]
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Colombian creep =
Cocaine problem.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The new leader of the Conservative Party, David William Donald Cameron =
Onward, after Michael Howard's malevolence, deviation, and petty drivel!
LONG CATEGORY, December 2005:
3rd - David Bourke with:
(after Larry Brash)
John is getting married to the girl of his dreams, Wendy. He decides to surprise her with a very special wedding present. His gift is to have a tattoo... her name on his penis.
John goes off to a tattooist, who explains that this might be a bit painful
and that he can only undertake this if John has an erection. He nervously
agrees to go ahead, as he is so much in love with Wendy. He takes the
pain and soon it is done, with "WENDY" on the shaft of his male member.
After his penis is flaccid, John notices that he can see just the first letter
of her name, a "W", and last letter, a "Y", as the middle letters are in the
folds of his skin.
=
John and his bride go on their honeymoon to the West Indies.
They get off the plane at Jamaica. John's in dire need of the
toilet. When he's at the urinal to relieve himself, this fit,
six-feet-three, West Indian fellow enters and starts to urinate.
John, having heard it said that black men are "large chaps",
looks down and gasps as he sees that the other man has "W"
and "Y" on his shaft.
He nervously addresses the chap,
"The tattoo...it's like mine! I'd guess...perhaps your girl's
Wendy too, right?", stretching his penis to show him it.
"Ah no, mon! See - it's different. If it's stiff, it's:
WELCOME TO THE REPUBLIC OF JAMAICA AND HAVE A NICE DAY!"
=
"Ha ha ha! Thanks indeed! Pleased to meet you, sir!" said John.
"Ah fine...yo's welcome!" replied the rastaman. "I and I is
Everton...Everton Green. Hey, yo name is?"
"Oh, it's John...John Williams", he replied, doing-up his flies.
Then after (the first evening), John and his sexy, sophisticated
trouble-and-strife went off to shag, to consummate their marriage.
Unknown to him, Wendy had had her initials discreetly tattooed
onto her oh-so-perfect arse...the left and the right buttocks.
Oh, imagine it! What a fantastic sight is this!
John, stiffening fast, he was fascinated, speechless, to realise
that as she bent over, that this spelled "WOW"!
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