Anagrammy Placings by Larry Brash in 2005
All the highly-placed anagrams by Larry Brash from the 2005 Anagrammy Awards.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2005:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Voters turned out for the Iraqi elections =
A violent terrorist foe not quite crushed.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, January 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The entertainer Michael Jackson =
Eliminate that jerk... he's a concern.
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Guinness Book of Records =
Fuck! So boring! Needs hooters!
LONG CATEGORY, February 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Three Laws of Robotics
1. A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
=
The Anagrammy Rules
1. Do not bother to post woeful anagrams which use terrible grammar or obscure spelling into this cool site.
2. Do not write obscene,"off" anagrams with bed-sex. No... not nice! Cut it out!
3. Do contribute just the very best, choice, apt anagrams, which consist of orthodox content, without which the outcome will often be: "no win".
Larry Brash
TOPICAL CATEGORY, March 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Michael Jackson court case =
Teen claim: "He's just a cockroach".
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! =
What a fool is Mr Bush! how extreme in opinion! how wet and vapid in mind! in waffle so fancy, in ignorance so remarkable!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
NOTE: This forum is moderated. Spam posts will be removed promptly. =
We promise to dump morbid adverts from all those simpleton types.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Soccer player Diego Armando Maradona =
Sadly, I am on rare Grade-A Moroccan dope.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
When I was a lad I served a term
LONG CATEGORY, July 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying
only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and
to practice these principles in all our affairs.
=
THE TWELVE ANAGRAMMY FORUM STEPS
1. We admitted we spend a lot of our time doing anagrams, but we believed that it involved lots of laughs.
2. Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves: Mike Keith and his Anagram Artist software.
3. Made a decision we will download and hoped to try the latest copy of his popular program.
4. Made thorough searches for good bold key words which to compose our next really long anagram.
5. Admitted that we spend just a little too much time in the Forum.
6. Were ready to correct the defects or errors from our anagrams, so each should sound really solid.
7. Politely solicited Larry, could he withold our worse anagrams on the final list.
8. Created a copious list with our very best creations to be put in our next awards event.
9. Endeavored to create numerous choice anagrams, involving general, topical, or entertainment content, or people's
and other names, and a few long showpieces, when we have the chance.
10. Continued to strive to avidly compose with focussed skill.
11. Hoped to be in the same hallowed class as the honored Mey Kraus, though we soon realised this would never occur.
12. Tried to pressure everyone we meet to share the humor of anagrams and vote for us.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Microsoft Developer =
Deliverer of compost.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, August 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The members of Queen: Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor, John Deacon, and Brian May =
A major band, formerly fronted by a magic hormone-enriched queer, endures yet.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is unread. =
It's true! Wilde ended in a terrible, austere jail, based just on his main flair, a rather unnatural need for cute men.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
I'll always eat McDonalds, elect Bush, own fifteen guns (in total), join the N.R.A, protect Israel if hit, hate Fidel, diet, be litigious, avoid church and... I pretend to be God-fearing.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An elderly woman has been admitted to a nursing home. The nurses are all extremely friendly and attentive. They get her settled into a big comfortable armchair in the day room with all the other residents.
During the course of her first day, one of the nurses notices that the frail old lady is leaning sharply over to the right in her chair, so rushes over to her and props her back up with a pillow. A short time later, the nurse sees her leaning over to the left, and again kindly pushes back her into an upright position. This occurs many times during the day. A nurse straightens her up each time she leans over.
That evening the woman's son comes in to visit and asks her how her first day in the home has been. "Well, it has been just great, my dear. Yes, I am very contented" she replies.
"How are they caring for you, Mom?" he asks.
"They are all really beautiful and kind, except there is one problem... they won't let me fart!"
=
A lady of mature years consults her family doctor.
"What's the problem affecting you, then, dear?" he asks her.
"I have a frightfully strange problem with gas. Really bad! I'll pass it recurrently day and night. In fact, just within the short time I have been here in your room, I have passed gas nine times."
"Nine, huh? That's horrific! There there!"
"However, here's another rather strange thing...they are completely odorless and silent...can it harm me?"
"Huh? Never! Let me examine you."
After he's done, the doctor says: "I think that I have an answer to the problem. Here, take one of these very strong prescription tablets three times a day, and return here in the week to see me "
The old lady later returns, but says, "I'm here 'cos that new medicine's no damn good! I still pass gas silently, but now the damn stench is repugnant!"
The doctor then replies, "Hang on, it looks like I have fixed your sinus problem...now I shall order you a hearing aid!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2005:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Two Ronnies =
Two... then one, sir.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Rosa Parks, Mother of the Civil Rights Movement =
It's her calm move that is provoking the reforms.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
After the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent out word that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided to hold the interviews in the belfry.
After hearing several applicants, the bishop decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him and said he wanted to apply for the job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," exclaimed the man. "Observe!"
He began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced that he had found a worthy replacement for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"
=
And the following day, with an unbearable melancholy that weighed heavily on his tender heart due to the unfortunate death of the beloved, but armless, campanologist, the bishop came back up and continued the interviews for the one destined to be the new bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man, who walked up and approached him, said,
"Your Excellency, I'm the brother of the armless chap who fell to a sudden and accidental death from the belfry yesterday. I request and pray that you honour his humble, worthwhile life by allowing me to be appointed for this job."
The bishop was quite moved and agreed to audition him, and, when the armless man's brother had bent over to pick up a small wooden mallet to hit the first bell, he moaned, clutched his chest, fell down and he died on the spot.
A few priests and nuns, all hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy, rushed upstairs to be on hand at his side.
"What has happened? Who is the deceased man?" the first priest pleaded breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but............
HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER!"
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Driving under the influence of alcohol =
On tour in a vehicle drenched full of gin.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
"Genius is born - not paid" (Oscar Wilde) =
A sociable wit drudges on in prison.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Vatican: "No gay priests!" =
It gets a pansy vicar? No!
LONG CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
John is getting married to the girl of his dreams, Wendy. He decides to surprise her with a very special wedding present. His gift is to have a tattoo... her name on his penis.
John goes off to a tattooist, who explains that this might be a bit painful and that he can only undertake this if John has an erection. He nervously agrees to go ahead, as he is so much in love with Wendy. He takes the pain and soon it is done, with "WENDY" on the shaft of his male member.
After his penis is flaccid, John notices that he can see just the first letter of her name, a "W", and last letter, a "Y", as the middle letters are in the folds of his skin.
=
John and his bride go on their honeymoon to the West Indies.
They get off the plane at Jamaica. John's in dire need of the toilet. When he's at the urinal to relieve himself, this fit, six-feet-three, West Indian fellow enters and starts to urinate.
John, having heard it said that black men are "large chaps", looks down and gasps as he sees that the other man has "W" and "Y" on his shaft.
He nervously addresses the chap,
"The tattoo...it's like mine! I'd guess...perhaps your girl's Wendy too, right?", stretching his penis to show him it.
"Ah no, mon! See - it's different. If it's stiff, it's:
WELCOME TO THE REPUBLIC OF JAMAICA AND HAVE A NICE DAY!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone =
He began on an experiment: A "Hello?" travelled forth.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Microsoft Corporation =
Sort of pathetic or moronic.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
It provokes the desire but it takes away the performance =
Risk's fair that we've had too many beers to keep it up erect.
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