Anagrammy Placings by Tony Crafter in 2005
All the highly-placed anagrams by Tony Crafter from the 2005 Anagrammy Awards.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Heavy metal bands ~
have blasted many.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Syrian Desert =
It's... er... sandy there.
LONG CATEGORY, January 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. There are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mother or father or it's my older brother Colin or it's my younger brother Ho Cha Song Sa Chu. But I think it's Colin.
=
Inferior logic. It obviously can't be my mom or my pop, for neither venture anywhere near the Chinese restaurant. Furthermore, my brother Colin (timid poof) likes pie 'n' chips. Ho politely doesn't say a thing. Therefore it has to be... Oh hell! It's me!
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Death before dishonor =
Defines a brotherhood.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Chicken Soup For The Soul =
Folk hocus-pocus therein.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Iran's nuclear potential =
International curse, pal.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
So, bearing in mind that: a king rules a kingdom; a prince rules a principality - then who rules a country? =
An uninspiring monarch? Ranting dictator? Wacky religious leader? The PM? Eureka! No, it's plainly... Bush!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Is the Northern Ireland peace process in danger of collapse? =
Alas, IRA presence lends peril, threatening hopes of concord.
LONG CATEGORY, March 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
(The professor to his errant pupil)
"Alas, you were caught fighting a liar in the quad again. You have also hissed all my mystery lectures and have tasted two whole worms, so I suggest you catch the next town drain and be gone."
=
Phew! A batty Oxford don, the Reverend William Spooner, transposes the initial letters of words whilst he harangues a young scallywag, catalogues his inadequacy, and suggests the youth might evacuate any time or hour.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, May 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Russian Empress =
She sees Mr Rasputin.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Noble King Arthur's famed Camelot =
Knights came for Round Table meal!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
People who take an instant dislike to politicians are merely saving time. =
Please note it, as we also don't like a vain, lying, pathetic Prime Minister. OK?
LONG CATEGORY, May 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
One day I was playing - I was about eight years old - and I noticed the cellar door was open just a crack. Now, my parents had told me, "Never go near that door, lad," but damn, I had to find out what was on the other side if it killed me! So I went to the cellar door and then I pushed it open and edged through and... I saw strange, wonderful things - things I had never seen before... trees, grass, flowers, the sun - that was nice!
=
A man was driving east to Ottawa on a steep mountain pass when he almost collided with a car, wildly careening around the bend. "Sheeet! You reckless, stupid fool!" he shouted. The other driver, a woman, wound down her window and yelled, "Pig!" Angry at the insult, the obsessed fellow jerked his car into gear, roared off fast round the steep bend... and crashed it straight into a giant hog standing in the road!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
American Apollo Eleven Mission =
Neil's moon leap is live on camera.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.' =
This ga-ga Stalin lie indicates a morality that's diseased.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Donatien Alphonse Francois De Sade =
Dreaded felon's an insane sociopath.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Walking down the street, I saw a blind man being led by a guide dog. Suddenly, the dog peed on the man's leg. The owner took a biscuit from his pocket, bent down, and gave it to the dog. I said to him, "Pal, that was one of the kindest things I have ever seen." The man said, "Kind! No, I just want to find out where his head is so I can kick his ass!"
=
A snobbish woman, walking down a street with her dog, passed a drunk hobo sitting on the sidewalk. The distasteful man looked at them and jibed, "That's the ugliest pig I've ever seen."
"Why, you offensive, drunken idiot," chided the incensed woman, "it's not named a pig, it's canine, as in 'dog'!"
"Heck," the hobo said, "I was talking to the dog."
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, July 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Britain's Labour Party Leader =
Tony Blair (rated a superb liar).
LONG CATEGORY, July 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Roberta Prince, the lady of the house, called Jeeves into her bedroom. "Jeeves, please undo my dress," she asked. With a great deal of embarrassment, he did so. "Now," she said, "please take off both my stockings." Jeeves was getting into a hot sweat. "Now take off all my underwear ... and if I ever catch you wearing them again, you will be instantly dismissed!"
=
Fay Wate, the lady of the manor, was becoming outraged at aide Jeeves' odd practise of walking into her bedroom without knocking. Finally, she admonished the senseless act. "Jeeves, it's tasteless and could be very embarrassing if I was in a state of undress, eh?"
"Well, no need to worry madam," beamed Jeeves; "I always peep through the keyhole first!"
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A small dick =
Dismal lack.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Stonehenge and Avebury in Wiltshire =
When in England, base your visit there.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, August 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A Society couple are making love:
"Darling, do poor people do this?"
"I think so, my beloved."
"Far too good for them, don't you think?"
=
GIGOLO: "Ooh-la-la, my love; you look pretty after drink!"
SHE: "Come come poppet! Forgot so soon? I didn't have
a drink."
HE: "No, but I did."
LONG CATEGORY, August 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Lady Legge-Bourke took more than the normal care of her staff, so when Jeeves was hurt in an accident she went straight to the hospital. "No visitors allowed mam, just family," moaned an ill-mannered nurse. "Are you his wife?"
"God no!" said Lady Legge, gliding by; "I'm his mistress!"=
Sir Stuart Haynes-Fyffe, the Lord of the Manor, awoke one morning with a huge erection and immediately called for his butler. "Congratulations sir," said Jeeves; "shall I awaken madam?"
"No Jeeves," said his lordship; "get me my baggy shorts and we'll smuggle this one into town."
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Britain's 'New Labour' Government =
Blair's vow? Reign on at Number Ten!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, September 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Snowdon Mountain Railway Ride =
I do mean a windy tour in North Wales
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Sir Arnold Bax said (sort of!): "One should try everything in life once, except incest and morris dancing; ~
unicycling; any sort of shellfish; Rotterdam; Dido concerts; Indian beer and xeroxing one's privates."
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
I, Tony Blair, pledge allegiance to the President, Bush, and attest that, if directed, I will: act under his influence, lie on his behalf, advocate jingoism, go to war for fun. Do it!
LONG CATEGORY, September 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A man in a supermarket line sees that a gorgeous blonde in front of him is waving hello. He's rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him and, although familiar, he can't place her, so he says, "Sorry, do I know you?"
She replies, "I could be mistaken, but you might be the father of one of my children."
His mind darts back to the one and only time he was unfaithful. "Oh, darn it!" he says. "You're that stripper I screwed on the pool table in front of all my pals while your friend lashed my arse with wet celery."
"No," she replies. "I'm your son's English teacher.
=
It was a bleak Monday morning and the harrassed mother was having a hellish time preparing her son Kenneth for school.
"Why won't you understand, mother!" he shrieked. "I am so unhappy. It is awful. Nobody likes me! The meanie teachers don't like me (sniff); the horrible kids all hate me (sniff). I can't face them! I won't go to school! I won't!
"Kenneth, pull yourself together!" said his mother. "Bear up! Life isn't always easy. Sure school can be tough; sure it can be rough - but, as you are forty years old and the school Principal, I'm afraid you really will have to be there."
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
French Connection UK set to drop their slogan =
Honest concern or not, I deplore that FCUK sign.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2005:
eq.3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Adolf Eichmann =
Nice? No, half-mad.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2005:
eq.3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Cheltenham Ladies' College =
Gentle academics' hellhole!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Tony Blair's MG car crashed in a field and a farmer buried him.
"Was he dead?" said the police.
"He said 'no', but you know how he lies." =
When President Bush died, God (from a Celestial Chair) asked, "And who are you?"
"It's Bush!" he bellowed, "an' I'm afraid yo' in ma chair."
LONG CATEGORY, October 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Father, I had sex four times in all with a pair of lovely nymphomaniac twins last night," said the confessor.
"Good grief! what sort of catholic are you?" demanded the priest.
"I'm not a catholic at all," he replied.
"Then why are you telling me this?"
"I'm telling everyone."
=
The new priest called on the village good-time girl Marie McCoy, who was in hospital after a fall from the carnival float at the town's fair.
"I prayed for you last night," he said anxiously.
"My, that is nice," she smiled; "no need though, I'm in the telephone directory!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN / IF I ONLY HAD A HEART
RUDE CATEGORY, October 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Modern lesbian =
Man's role in bed!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Madonna reverts to her raunchy image =
More men can adore this naughty raver.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
New movie: 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe' =
Worthwhile to see it on a whim, for it can enchant bored children. Heaven!
LONG CATEGORY, November 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
FAMOUS DIAMONDS
The Centenary Diamond
The Star of Africa Diamond
The Idol's Eye Diamond
The Sansy Diamond
The Hortensia Diamond
The Cullinan Diamond
The Excelsior Diamond
The Koh-I-Noor Diamond
The Victoria Diamond
The Paragon Diamond
The Blue Magic Diamond=
My dream,
A dream
I couldn't afford,
Hid a deadly ambition ...
Diamonds
So sad, this modest man.
I had innocence, hope ...
No money.
No
Diamonds
Utter intoxication!
Oh, I cherished them!
Utter addiction!
Oh, I ... killed for them!
Diamonds.
Love and Hate
Go hand-in-hand.
A gem
A tear
A diamond.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
JERUSALEM
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
She's a great lay =
Easy shag alert.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
"Hope is a waking dream." - Aristotle =
So heartwarming. Said like a poet!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." Mark Twain =
"Whereas the others were all, thankfully, the imprudence of my phobic, misbehaving imagination."
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Christmas movie 'It's A Wonderful Life' =
Festive old film hit is sure to charm anew.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2005:
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Annabel Lee
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2005:
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The hardcore-porno star Linda Lovelace =
Deep Throat's carnal icon loved her oral!
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