Anagrammy Placings by Larry Brash in 2006
All the highly-placed anagrams by Larry Brash from the 2006 Anagrammy Awards.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Deem it as an utter fiasco.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. =
I'm George W. Bush. I can't accept being in a country that always elects me, a blatant simpleton, to be President to all (Twice, man!)
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chaconne from Bach's Partita No 2 in D Minor for violin =
An epic solo, rich of notion, vibrant in form and charm.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Apple iTunes Music Store =
Sale is set-up in computer.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for it.
Jill is travelling the world and she is short of funds, so she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.
This goes on for 5 nights.
On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar, but this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner.
Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she could pay him more attention. She comes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he is from and he tells her - Melbourne.
"So am I" she says. "What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris" he says.
"That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"
"Cameo Street" he says." "This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"
"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!!"
=
This young Australian guy, Steve, is touring England. He enters a church for confession with Father Brendan Fitzpatrick.
He starts: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been six weeks since my last confession."
The priest then says: "Begin telling God your sins, my son."
"I had sex with this girl, Father."
He questions the young man: "And... ah... how many times?"
"Ah...six nights... I think, Father."
"Then to obtain absolution, you have to tell me the lass's name."
He hesitates."No , Father, I think I'd rather not say."
"As I have said, I won't absolve you unless you give her name."
"No, Father, I can't say. I need to protect her reputation and shame."
"Rubbish! I must emphasise to you the importance of telling me this girl's name."
"Sorry, Father", he insists.
"Right then! Hah-hah! Was it Jane Shorter?"
"Father, please, don't press me for her name".
"Blessed Jesus! What is this girl's name!"
"But, Father, please..."
"Okay then... Hah-hah! Was it Julie-Anne Baxter?"
Saddened, he sobs, "Please, Father!"
"By the Holy Ghost! Was it Kathie Shah?"
"No, Father... just bless me!"
"Nothing? Right... I'll not absolve your sins! I dismiss you!"
Banished, Steve walks from the church, his head hanging, dragging his feet.
Outside, two other young Aussies are standing there."How did it go?" one of them asks.
Steve smiles broadly. "Great! I got three more names!"
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2006:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The World Cup Finals in Germany =
Crushing win led from a penalty.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
=
New research into the psychology of humour has happened to show us that the joke, once assessed as the world's funniest, was created by the zany comedian, Spike Milligan, and was used in the 1951 Goons Show.
The sketch (replayed here, now somehow set in the USA), which in its heyday starred the legendary actor Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine, has, I hope, remained one of the best gags ever.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Named His very best girl ~
The Blessed Virgin, Mary.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
His Holiness Pope Benedict the Sixteenth =
Then this speech exhibited no politeness.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The five dead Amish schoolgirls: Naomi Rose Ebersole, Marian Fisher, Mary Liz and Lena Miller, and Anna Mae Stoltzfus =
A vile man Charles Roberts, in a frenzied male-mania, seizes our girls, held in a room, and slays a lot of them, and himself.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Three businessmen, an American, a Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there were beeping sounds. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. Interested, the other two looked on.
"It's my new pager" the American said, "I've had a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm".
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. After he finished his call, he explained, "It's my new mobile phone, I've a microchip inserted in my hand".
The Irish fellow now felt very clearly low-tech. Not to be outdone, he decided that he had to come up with something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went in the bathroom. A couple of minutes later, he returned with a long piece of toilet paper trailing from his bottom. The other two raised their eyebrows and stared.
The Irishman glanced around and then said........
"Would you look at that, I'm getting a fax!!!!!"
=
During a world scientific meeting on Information Technology, 3 teams of scientists, one from America, one Japanese and one Irish, all presented previously unpublished papers about the History of the Internet.
The American leader presented all his work himself: "I excavated about ten feet of earth, in which I discovered a few copper wires", meaning this to him: "...that the USA had a dial-up modem Internet a hundred years ago".
The Japanese head scholar's study was next up: "Meanwhile, I drilled down twenty feet, pushing deep into the earth, and I discovered optical cable, emphasising the opinion that Japan had a phenomenal high-speed Internet two centuries ago."
"OK, me?" remarked a member of the Irish team: "Meanwhile, our best men tunnelled down a mammoth thirty feet and all I happened to find was this: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Proof that the Irish had a wireless web network sometime three hundred years ago!"
LONG CATEGORY, November 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
George W. Bush meets with Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II of England.
He asks her,
"Your Majesty, how is it that you run such a very efficient slick government? Are there any clues to this that you can offer me?"
"Well," says the Queen,
"Above all, the most important thing is to do this: surround yourself with very intelligent efficient people."
Bush looks concerned.
"So, how could I know the people around me are so clever and intelligent?"
The Queen takes a little sip from her cup of tea.
"Oh, this is very simple. Let me explain it. You simply ask them to answer an intelligence test. Do listen to this".
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom.
"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony.
Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "Of course, that would be me."
"Yes! Very good, well done." says the Queen.
=
At the White House, Bush talks with Vice President Cheney.
"Answer this one for me, deputy. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother, not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not quite sure, Mr President," says the Vice President. "Just let me make some enquiries for you about that one."
Cheney goes to his many polite youthful underlings to enquire of all twenty of them, but none are able to give him an intelligent answer.
Finally, a week later, he goes in a men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Cheney yells out, "Would you please answer something for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell yells back , "That's funny! Quite simple: It's me!"
Cheney replies."Gee, great work, pal!"
In the Oval Office he talks with Bush.
"Okay, I've done you some research and here's the eloquent answer to the question. It's my judgement that it is Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over, and yells into his face,
"No! It's Tony Blair!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2006:
eq 3rd - Larry Brash with:
The late actor Humphrey DeForest Bogart =
Best role for me? Act tough hard-heart type.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Queen's Annual Christmas Day Broadcasts =
She's quite a lady, but transcends as a monarch.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Anagram Artist Windows Software =
Ah, it was so swift at word arrangement!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!
=
Tom Lehrer made us swoon,
Rearranging a Christmas tune.
He beheld the haughty greed,
What they buy, I do not need.
Lying market survey ploys,
Alas, kindhearted giving us toys.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
These are actual notes from Doctors patient charts...
"Patient has a chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
"On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
"She has had no more rigors or chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"Patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed."
"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
"Patient has been depressed ever since he started seeing me in 1993."
"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
"Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
"Patient just had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
"Between you and me, we ought to be able to make your lady pregnant."
"Since she cannot get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up."
"Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid."
"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
"A pelvic exam will be done later on the floor."
=
"Healthy appearing, decrepit, ninety eight year old. Mentally alert, but forgetful."
"When checking signs, she was numb from her toes down."
"She was examined that night, X-rated and sent home."
"Her skin's appearance was moist and dry."
"She was alert and deeply unresponsive."
"She has been constipated for all of her life, until she had a divorce."
"I assessed the patient, who's still under your car for physical therapy."
"Breasts - both equal and reactive to light and accommodation."
"Exam of the genitalia reveals that his penis is circus sized."
"The lab test detected abnormal lover functioning."
"The patient hoped to have a bowel resection. He took a job as a lawyer instead."
"Skin: rather pale but present."
"The patient was seen in consultation by Dr. G. Parker, who felt we should sit on her abdomen, and I agree and accept."
"Large brown stool ambulating in the corridor."
"The staff say that she has three teenage children, but no other abnormalities."
"The patient refused any autopsy."
"The patient has not any past history of suicides."
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Taking it up the arse =
That is a Greek input.
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