Anagrammy Placings by David Bourke in 2007
All the highly-placed anagrams by David Bourke from the 2007 Anagrammy Awards.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The Iams Company =
My cat's main hope!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Director Michael Winner facing amputation after holiday illness =
"Oh, calm down dear, it's only an artificial leg! (If 'the insurance' permit!)".
LONG CATEGORY, January 2007:
2nd - David Bourke with:
A doctor is attending the scene of a very nasty-looking accident in Basildon, Essex, where he sees this girl badly injured at the side of the road, her head against the pavement, lying in a pool of blood.
"Now, my love..." the doctor asks her, "...where are you bleeding from?"
"I'm from Romford, innit..." said the girl, "...and wossat fackin' gotta do wiv you, anyways?"
=
A randy Essex girl, Tracie, of South Woodham Ferrers, began driving home late one night, stops the car, and affectionately asked her moronic boyfriend 'Dodgy Dave' if he'd like to kiss her somewhere that was "Nice and wet and very smelly".
He said "No darling," in his opinion, it "...was just way too late for them to be going out to bloody Canvey Island!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2007:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Tale Of Peter Rabbit
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Tony Blair: "A new stadium? ~
Rome wasn't built in a day!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, February 2007:
1st - David Bourke with:
William Henry Gates and Melinda French =
Really damn rich gentleman and his wife.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The former Baywatch actress Pamela Denise Anderson-Lee =
Oh, we men admire her ace breasts (and a perfect ass!) on telly.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Heather Mills-McCartney has been dropped by the animal rights charity group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)
=
The mega-filthy-rich former Beatle Paul happy to hear his once bedtime partner, the "asymmetrical cripple" hasn't a leg to stand on!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2007:
1st - David Bourke with:
The long-playing record 'Dark Side of the Moon' =
Another old Pink Floyd gem...Roger's on the acid!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2007:
1st - David Bourke with:
The Sydney Mardi Gras =
They may dress in drag.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, March 2007:
2nd - David Bourke with:
Immensely thankful, touched, proud, astonished, abashed =
Aha! Pasternak indeed hushed by the foul old Communists!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2007:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Labour Party's leadership election =
Replace Tony Blair, the stupid arsehole!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2007:
1st - David Bourke with:
The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists ~
help irrational nutcases and crazy fools get well. Sanity ahead!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
PM Tony Blair's resignation speech =
Phenomenal ego-trip by narcissist.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2007:
1st - David Bourke with:
It is better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. =
Proved by Tony Blair (at the long, monotonous "Adieu!" monologue) that that's the bona-fide truth!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
Tony Blair was visiting a primary school, when they were in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the meaning of the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious Labour leader asked the class to give him an example of tragedy. One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend who lives on a farmyard is playing in the field and some tractor runs him over and kills him then that would be a tragedy".
"Actually, no," said Blair, "...that would just be an accident."
One little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff killing everybody inside would that be a tragedy, then?"
"No, I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister, "that's just what we would call a great loss. The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Tony searched the room.
"Look, is there not someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the classroom, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "Please sir...if the airplane carrying you and Mrs Blair was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown completely to smithereens that would be a tragedy".
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Tony Blair. "That's absolutely right. And can you please tell me why that would be a tragedy, young man?"
"Well," says the boy, "...it has to be a tragedy, because it wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!"
=
One day Tony Blair, who was out jogging along the side of a river, accidentally fell backwards from the bank, and, alas, crashed headfirst downwards into the cold waters.
Three schoolboys playing by the river saw the accident. Without a second thought, the boys waded into the water and pulled the careless Prime Minister out of the river, soaking wet. After drying himself off and cleaning himself up, an ashamed and rather embarrassed Blair breathlessly
exclaimed to the schoolmates: "Well done, boys! Today, you saved the life of the elected Right Honourable Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland...a heroic, unselfish achievement! It's extremely important that you all get a reward...you each deserved it. You name it, and
I shall give it to you!"
"Well, I'd like some new trainers...some Nike Air Turbos," the first boy said.
"Of course. I shall go and buy them myself. In fact, allow me to present them to you in my Downing Street headquarters!" gabbled the grateful Blair.
The second boy said, excitedly, "Please Tony, I'd very much like a ticket to go on vacation in Disneyland Florida!"
"Fantastic! I shall personally hand it to you," said Mr. Blair, beaming.
"I want a wheelchair" said the third boy.
"Certainly! No problems, I shall personally get one, and...like, just a minute...you're not handicapped!", Blair exclaimed, aghast.
"Well, no...but I will be when my dad finds out that I saved you from drowning, you useless little bastard!"
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2007:
1st - David Bourke with:
Breastfeeding in public places =
Presenting babies a filled C-cup!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2007:
2nd - David Bourke with:
America
by Samuel F. Smith
My country, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing;
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
=
I'd die for mighty Scotland,
My fiery, haggis-fueled land,
Of Robert Burns fame...
Tartan, fifes, Simple Minds,
Unemployment, thrift,
Distilleries everywhere...
Wee dram time? Och aye the noo!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
My Favorite Things
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2007:
3rd - David Bourke with:
The Canadian male prostitute Jeffrey Chevalier =
An oil chief ejaculated in my fat arse, the pervert!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2007:
2nd - David Bourke with:
The late Lady Diana Frances Spencer (The Princess of Wales) =
Farewell! Pay this enchantress final respects, a decade on.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2007:
2nd - David Bourke with:
St Pancras International =
Trans-continental a Paris!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2007:
1st - David Bourke with:
Britney Spears lost her virginity at fourteen years old =
Noisy stereotype trailer-trash duly given a first boner!
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