Anagrammy Placings by Dharam Khalsa in 2009
All the highly-placed anagrams by Dharam Khalsa from the 2009 Anagrammy Awards.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Conceptual artist Andy Warhol =
A red soup can! Why not call it art?
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, January 2009:
Eq1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ernest Hemingway =
His mane went grey
LONG CATEGORY, January 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Basic Wedding Cake Recipe
6 cups soft cake flour, sifted
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 1/2 cups butter or margarine, softened
3 cups sugar
2 cups milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
12 egg whites
Preheat oven to 325¡F. Grease pans and line bottom with sheets of waxed paper (may also use parchment paper).
Sift flour and baking powder. Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat egg whites only until stiff, not dry. With mixer on slow speed, add flour and baking powder to butter and sugar, alternately with milk. Beat well after each addition. Mix in vanilla. Gently fold egg whites into batter. Pour into prepared pans. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool, ice, and decorate. Serve, share, enjoy!
=
Recipe for Upkeep of a Happy Marriage
1/2 gallon faith
6 cups consideration
5 cups trust
3 cups kindhearted praise
2 cups flattery, hidden
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 flexible budget and a pledge of cooperation
2 teaspoons pure extract of "I'm sorry"
2 tablespoons of contentment
3 cups confident and encouraging attitude
1 large or a few small hobbies
2 cups blindness to the other's faults
Stir well, taking out any big wayward lumps of bitter jealousy, bad temper, backtalk, or nagging guilt. Add pepper of recreation and a rare extract like wise understanding, and whisk gently. Next, sweeten with true love and romance. Bake and keep warm with a flame of devotion. It gets better with age, but never serve it with a cold shoulder!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A man and his wife were watching 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' on TV while in bed. He turned to her and said, "Want to make love?"
"No," she answered.
"Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at him this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So he said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
Then the fight started...
*******
A man asked his lovely wife in advance, "Where would you like to go for our next vacation?"
She answered, "Someplace I haven't been in a long time."
He suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
Then the fight started...
*******
One Saturday morning a man got up very early, quietly dressed, made his lunch, even fed the dog, and slipped quietly out into the garage. First he hooked the boat to his truck, and then proceeded to back out into a torrential rainstorm.
A wind was blowing to 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and heard the announcer say that the weather would be bad all day.
The man went back into the house and quietly slipped into bed. He snuggled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
His loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out fishing in that?"
Then the fight started...
*******
A man and woman were asleep in the bed like two oversized babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, loud noise came from outside.
The woman rose from the bed and yelled at the man "Holy crap! That might be my husband!"
The scared man leapt out of the bed and jumped out of the window naked. He slammed on the ground, ran through a thorn bush, and sped to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned to the bedroom, and hissed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"
The woman yelled back, "Yeah, so then why were you running?"
Then the fight started...
*******
A man tried to talk his wife into buying a case of Miller Light. Instead, she bought herself a jar of cold cream.
He told her the beer would make her face look better at night than the cold cream.
Then the fight started...
*******
A woman was standing nude, assessing herself in the mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and sighed to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look so old and fat. I really need you to pay
me a compliment."
So the sarcastic husband replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
Then the fight started...
*******~
A man took his dowdy wife to a restaurant, where a new befuddled waiter took the husband's order first.
"I'll have steak, medium rare, please."
The dumbfounded waiter asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
The man deadpanned, "Nah, she can order for herself."
Then the battle began...
*******
A man and his wedded wife were sitting at a table at his Midwest high school reunion. He kept staring uncomfortably at a drunken redheaded woman sitting alone at a nearby table, swigging her drink.
The wife demanded, "Is that drunk an acquaintance?"
"Yes," the man sighed, "That woman is an old girlfriend. I understand she took up drinking right after I dumped her many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"Oh, my!" blurted his wife, adding "Who would think a woman could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the battle started...
*******
After he retired, an Albuquerque fellow did not dillydally and went immediately into the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter smiled and asked the man for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pocket and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman employee he would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." The old guy opened his shirt, revealing curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." She processed the man's application as he buttoned up his shirt.
When the man got home, he told his wife about the woman at the Social Security office.
She jumped in loudly, "You should have opened your pants fly! You might have gotten disability, too."
And then the battle started...
*******
When a newlywed husband got home from work, his pouty wife demanded that he take her someplace expensive.
He took her to the gas station.
Then the battle started...
*******
A wife was hinting to her husband about what present she wanted for their upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds!"
He bought her a big scale.
And then the battle began...
*******
A sleepy wife sat down on the couch, joining her weary husband. He was flipping channels, attempting to look for entertainment. She asked, "So, what's on the television?"
He muttered, "Dust."
And then the battle began...
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Vermeer's "The Lacemaker", MusŽe du Louvre, Paris =
Her demure reverie, a true calm, speaks volumes
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Amnesty International =
Meant to nail tyrannies.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson =
It doesn't matter if you're too isolated, not found in 'Who's Who'. Awaken! And once awake, dance joyfully!
LONG CATEGORY, February 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Last week I took my eighty-four-year-old dad to a mall to buy some new shoes, and we stopped to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The young man had spiked hair in all different colors: green and blue, orange and red.
My dad just kept on staring at him.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
=
Knowing my Leo father's temperament, I hurriedly ate and swallowed my food to avoid gagging or choking later, since he was guaranteed to unleash a totally spontaneous comeback right then and there.
In his own admittedly hardheaded style, he straightened himself up at the table and didn't bat an eye before retorting:
"Got drunk at a hotel one time and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you're my son."
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
International Space Station =
It's a pertinent NASA location.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Life begins on the other side of despair"--Jean-Paul Sartre =
Is a depression just a period felt before nearing health?
LONG CATEGORY, March 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
One Sunday, as a church pastor totaled the standard weekly offerings, he pondered a large pink envelope containing $1,000 in the collection plate. A similar envelope was offered the next week. The following Sunday, he regarded an old woman with arthritic hands as she painstakingly placed an obviously full pink envelope in the dish. The pastor noted every week was the same story.
Curiosity got the best of him and he addressed her, "I couldn't help but notice that you always donate $1,000."
=
"Why yes," the lady acknowledged, "Each week my kind son presents me with $10,000 and I tithe the full 10 percent.
The pastor was taken aback, exclaiming, "That's very generous! Nowadays, lots of people donate $0 to church upkeep. What does your son do for a living?"
"He's a veterinarian," the little old lady noted.
"That's a fulfilling profession...and profitable too!" He added, "But, enlighten me - where's his practice?"
The lady proudly replied, "It's in Nevada. He owns one cat house in Las Vegas, and another in Reno.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
First Lady Michelle Obama meets Queen Elizabeth II =
My little familiar squeeze habit becomes headline.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A weird twit who sent ten different puns to alum pals unfortunately had high hopes ~
that at least a few of the fresh wry puns would inspire them to laugh. No pun in ten did.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Two native Alaskans crouching within a boat were cold, so they started a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly, the boat immediately sank...
~
with them, in a fireball. It's a new twist on a classic problem. Right, friends (granted, it's no secret): you can't have your kayak and heat it too!
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Satisfaction =
Cat in its sofa.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Maurice Sendak's "Where the Wild Things Are" =
His tale which amused wee kindergartners.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Impressionist Pierre-Auguste Renoir =
I sure see some inspiring portraiture!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, May 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Money, get away
Get a good job with more pay and you're ok.
Money it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.
=
They took away my daydream
Via a money-grabbing scheme,
Fast as a handbag switcheroo;
'Airtight' bank guarantee, too!
Made me just want to holler:
"That's why a pyramid on back of a US dollar!"
LONG CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The American Dream
An American business consultant on vacation was lolling on the pier of a coastal Mexican village, when a small boat with a solo fisherman docked. Inside the boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the lucky Mexican man loudly on the size and quality of his tuna fish.
"How long did it take you to catch them?" the American queried.
"Only a little while," the Mexican man replied.
"Golly, why don't you stay out longer then and catch more fish?" the curious man asked.
"I have enough now to support my own family's needs," the lowly Mexican answered.
The American man asked, "What do you do with all the rest of your time?"
The lowly fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening, where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, se–or."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you with a sound solution. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. Then with the proceeds from the large boat you could buy several bigger boats. Finally, you would have a whole fleet of fishing boats."
~
"To emphasize my overview, instead of selling off your catch to a middleman, you would sell it direct to the consumers, eventually opening your own commercial tuna factory. You would control the hand labor done, mechanical processing, and distribution. You'd leave this small coastal fishing village and head off to Mexico City, the Bahamas, then LA, and finally off to a NYC home, where your famed expanding enterprise would be based."
The meek fisherman asked, "Whew, se–or, how long will this all take?"
The American said, "Oh, maybe twenty years."
"What then?" the Mexican questioned.
The American laughed, "Ha, ha, ha! That's the best part. When the time is right you will announce an IPO (Initial Public Offering) and sell your company stock to the public, becoming very rich. You would amass millions!"
"Millions, se–or? Then what?" the Mexican asked.
The American hemmed and hawed and said quite slowly, "Then (ahem) you would retire... head off to a small coastal fishing village... where you would sleep late...fish a little... play with your grandbabies...take a siesta...stroll to the village in the evening with your faithful wife...have some wine...and maybe play a guitar with your amigos..."
LONG CATEGORY, June 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
My grandchild asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast foods when I was a child," I informed him. "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, but seriously," he smirked, "Where did you eat?"
"It was a little place we called a 'Home'," I smiled.
"Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we would all sit down together at the dining table and say a nice blessing before eating."
~
"McDonald's was a farm song," I winked. "If we didn't like a food Mother offered, we were allowed to sit there until we did like it! No, Timothy, 'Home' was never a democracy - 'Home or the highway!'"
By now, my hefty grandson was laughing so hard I was worried his rowdy guffaws would cause bodily damage. I decided not to even tell him about how we had to clean the plates and gracefully ask Dad's permission to leave the table!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2009:
eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Animal emoticons:
:]~~~~~~* Frog catching a fly
:@) Pig
:©P Pig with tongue sticking out
^(@@)^ Wise owl
:(|) Monkey
) Cheshire cat
,,,,,,,,,, Ants a-marching
}:-8 Bull
<"}}}><\ Fish
=
-------------<;)))>< Fish caught bait
I=8) Comic cow
>^..^< Cat
=^-.-^= Sleepy kitten
~~~~~~~~~8}= Snake with fangs
_@/. Snail coming right
<:3 )~~~~~ Mouse going left
{:8( Unhappy gorilla
0__/\__ Inchworm
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2009:
eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
THE TODDLER WEIGHT-LOSS DIET
As you may have noticed, most two-year-olds are trim. The secret to their success is finally available in this new miracle diet. (You may want to consult your doctor before attempting this diet.)
DAY ONE
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat two bites of the egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly all over your face and clothes.
Lunch: Four crayons, a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).
Dinner: A dry stick, two dimes and a nickel, four sips of flat Sprite.
Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO
Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is fresh and clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid on mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
=
DAY THREE
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup; eat one with fingers, rub in hair and shirt. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sticky sucker from the rug, lick off fur, and put it on cushion of dad's best chair.
Lunch: Eat three wooden matches, peanut butter (protein) and jelly sandwich. Spit out several bites onto the kitchen floor. Pour glass of milk on the table and slurp it up.
Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, orange punch. Try to laugh a little through your nose, if possible.
LAST DAY
Breakfast: A little toothpaste, bit of soap (nontoxic), one oily olive. Pour glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half-cup of honey. Once cereal is soggy, drink sweet milk. Give gooey cereal to the dog. Drop vitamin and genuine Tonka toy down heat vent.
Lunchtime: Eat stale bread crumbs, old Dorito and dirty Cheerio off the kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Retrieve yesterday's sucker, finish it.
Dinner: Enjoy concoction of spaghetti noodles, sauce, and chocolate milk. Leave uneaten meatball on dinner plate. Try to swallow mascara tube for dessert.
(Dietitian note: A well-tolerated and nutritional weight-loss diet; no antidote is usually indicated.)
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears =
Cast a shortsighted blonde for the key role.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Woodstock Music and Arts Festival =
Review: It's a fact most took LSD and such.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
In case you were wondering what is actually going on with President Obama's health care reform plan:
The American Medical Association professionals weighed in on the new health care plan that the bipartisan Obama Team is dutifully putting together.
The Allergists persistently voted to scratch it, while
The Dermatologists advised to postpone it, to not make any rash move.
The Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it, while
The Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians attested they were all laboring under a misconception, while
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The Orthopedists thought the plan sounded spineless, while
The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" but,
The Pediatricians heckled and guffawed, "Oh, Grow up!"
~
The Psychiatrists thought the entire idea to be madness.
The Radiologists could see right through the body of the plan.
The Surgeons recommended washing their hands of the whole idea.
The Internists hypothecated it would be a bitter pill for people to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons declared, "It puts a whole new face on the matter!"
The Podiatrists thought it would be taking a small step forward, but, conversely
The Urologists were very pissed off at the idea.
The Anesthesiologists looked at the general plan as a total gas, and
The Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say 'no.'
(Also, the Transcriptionist/Anagrammatist casually rearranged the initiative.)
In my humble opinion, champion Proctologists did win commendably in the end, "We're leaving the outcome of the dialogue to the a**hole pigs in Washington!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The old Glenn Campbell song, "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy" =
One well-clothed gentleman is loping by on horseback.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2009:
Eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS) ~
stirred invasion on Semenya's dignity.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, August 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Pink Floyd's "The Dark Side of the Moon" was much jazzier than their other albums. =
Asked about "Wizard of Oz" phenomena in the hit rhythm, the rockers just half-smiled.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Two Afternoon Fables
A Rose Chafer
By chance, a rose chafer in the city of London shyly composed a classical fugue. But then nobody knew what a rose chafer was, let alone a fugue, and inexplicably didn't check the 'R' encyclopedia volume, so he died crushed, if twitching, upon a pauper's grave.
=
The Capricious Fly
A capricious fly once saved up enough cereal box tops to purchase an enormous rich chocolate candy bar, and for a week he was in fly heaven. But by the second week he had grown bored with all the candy and found himself lusting after a nice clean pile of tasty dog feces.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Anniversary of September Eleventh Two-thousand-one =
To an eyewitness of them, the planes burn over and over.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The best does not come alone. It comes with the company of the all." -- Rabindranath Tagore, "Stray Birds" =
There is both a good and bad in the worst acts. They are all teachable moments for my introspection.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
An out-of-towner in a rush drives his car into a muddy ditch on a desolate country road, and waits in vexation for a time. Fortunately, a farmer arrives, coming in from the fields with a big strong horse named Buddy, and offers the man some help.
He hitches Buddy up to the car and yells out, "Taffy, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.
The farmer shouts, "Beauty, pull!" The horse won't even budge.
Once more the farmer commands, "Jennie, pull!" Nothing.
Nonchalantly tucking in the shirt he wears, the farmer says, "OK, Buddy, pull." The energetic horse drags the auto up out of the mud.
The motorist is appreciative, yet curious. He asks the farmer why he called the horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer notes, "The reason is, Buddy's blind, and if he thought he was the only one of the team pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
=
A husband and wife, driving down a dry bumpy lane on their way to visit some friends, come to a muddy patch in the road and the car becomes mired. After several minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they notice a young farmer hiking down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stops when he sees the couple in trouble and offers to pull the car out of the mud for forty dollars. The husband accepts and just moments later the car is freed. The farmer turns to the husband and says, "By the way, chum, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud this morning."
The husband looks all around at the fields incredulously and then asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replies seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
You have to be confirmed old-fogyish enough to remember Abbott and Costello's witty comical routines, too crotchety to understand computers, and juvenile enough to appreciate this farcical spoof. For those of us who become stymied by bleeping computers, scroll down...
If comics Abbott and Costello were alive today, they might have modified their famed wry sketch, "Who's on First?" sort of like this:
COSTELLO'S ON LINE TWO
(Costello calls to buy a computer from salesman Abbott)
ABBOTT (cheery): Super Duper computer store. May I help you?
COSTELLO (dignified): Why yes, thank you. I'm setting up an office in my house and I'm thinking about buying a new computer.
ABBOTT: You're welcome. Mac?
COSTELLO: No, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer yet. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: Hey, I told you, I'm Lou!
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get too stuffy?
ABBOTT: Anyway, do you want a computer with Windows, McAfee?
COSTELLO: I don't know. By the way, I'm still Lou! What do I see when I check the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Wow, never mind the windows. I want a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO (agitatedly): No! For my gosh-darn computer! I need it to type proposals, track expenses, run my Chevy franchise. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You just recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO (weary): For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
~
COSTELLO: What did you just recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows, and I'm almost ready to jump out! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a business proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: You would need Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office!
ABBOTT: Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click over the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: Absurd! Sir, I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start giving me some straight answers! Let's just suppose I'm a used car salesman. Then, what about finance and bookkeeping, and all that? Do you have anything to help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Sure...Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: Yep, it comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with the computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. A real plus, at no extra charge!
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: Say, isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us our own license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later...)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. How may I help you?
COSTELLO: I'm embarrassed, but how do I turn this useless computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on 'START'...
(The End)
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Golden Anniversary =
Dear Granny's in love.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
Conspiracy theorists reuse the medieval seer's manipulated terms.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The U.S. Postal Service created a postage stamp with a picture of ex-president George W. Bush to commemorate his achievements.
In use, it has been shown that the stamp is not sticking at all to the envelope. This enraged the former president, who demanded
a full investigation.
=
After a month of extensive tests, the appointed committee was able to draw up, then give 'what's-his-name' harsh conclusive results:
1) The custom stamp is in perfect order and is legitimate.
2) There is no damage to the adhesive glue on the back.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A Sonnet Upon Sonnets
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2009:
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Sir Patrick Stewart =
A crisp 'Star Trek' wit.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2009:
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Himalayan Mount Everest =
A summit nearly to Heaven.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2009:
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Bottle of Wine
A woman and a man are involved in a sudden spin accident on a cold snowy morning. It's a bad one, for both of their cars are totally
demolished, but neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of the wreck, the man is discernibly muttering about "All you woman drivers!"
The woman responds, "Yes, I'm a woman - so what!? Just look at the cars! There's nothing left, but we're not hurt. Perhaps it's a sign
from the benevolent Lord that we should make peace and live as friends, beautifying the rest of our days."
The man blushes, "Oh, I agree completely - it must be a sign from God!
=
But it's still your error...a birdbrain woman should NEVER be allowed to drive!"
The woman says, "Mercy! Look at this - a miracle! My car is completely demolished, but a bottle of fine burgundy wine survived. Surely
God wants us to share this red wine and celebrate our good fortune."
She offers the wine to the gruff man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and scarfs half the bottle, and offers it back to
the woman. The woman reclaims the bottle, puts the cap on, and hands it to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No, I'm just going to wait for the police..."
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