Anagrammy Placings by Adie Pena
All the highly-placed anagrams by Adie Pena from the Anagrammy Awards.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2007:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Mac iTunes =
Neat Music.
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2007:
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Testicles here ~
see clits there.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2007:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" documentary =
Oscar-nominated tale unnerving the country.
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Boys + Girls =
Orgy + Bliss.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
What word begins with the letter "F" and ends with "UCK"? =
She'd want nothing bad; settled with "FIRETRUCK." Whew!
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Gerbils up one's arse =
Gere's bluer passion.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Q: Is Osama bin Laden really still alive? ~
A: Evil Al-Qaedan boss is terminally ill.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2007:
Eq.3rd - Adie Pena with:
Spring is passing by
Birds weep, and even the eyes
Of fish are tearful
=
Bereaving suffers
Easy, death spawns life, brings hope,
Serendipity.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2007:
1st - Adie Pena with:
"Come to Marlboro Country" =
Cancer, tumor or lobotomy?
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Mary Poppins had a grand plan. She retired in San Diego U.S.A., became a classy fortuneteller specializing in toxic breath. ~
She penned an ad in a magazine, plus placed a sign by the terrace door, blaring: "Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis."
LONG CATEGORY, May 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Clinton was the guest of an African leader who suggested that the former American president play their national game of "African Roulette."
When his sociable host mentioned that it was related to "Russian Roulette," the cocky Clinton meanly asked, "Oh, okay, but isn't this patriotic idiocy dangerous?"
"Ho-ho-ho! Believe me, I..." Before his host could finish his reply, an aide rang a bell and six very haute (and almost nude) women came out. ~
"You can pick any one of these fashionable svelte women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.
This immediately gained Clinton's attention. "What? I am to snatch any beautiful pussy?!"
He was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "But how on earth is this fellatio related to damn Russian Roulette?" the irascible former president asked.
And the gregarious African leader responded, "Alright, one of them is a cannibal."
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A penis in shit area ~
is a pain in the arse.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Casino + three + ten =
"Ocean's Thirteen".
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Salman Rushdie is knighted =
Islam and Kurdish seething.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
A Brit, a Scot and a Filipino, all hopelessly loveless, are in a bar having a drink when this hottest shapely lady comes up to them and says, "Hey! Whoever uses the words LIVER and CHEESE stylishly in a sentence can have gorgeous me for the entire night."
~
The Brit says, "I love LIVER and CHEESE." She replies, "Hmm... banal and trashy; that's not good enough!"
The Scot says, "I hate LIVER and CHEESE." She responds, "That's awkwardly worn, pal... not creative enough!"
Finally, the Filipino says, "Guys, LIVER alone, CHEESE mine!"
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A lesbian with a lethal lisp ~
is what I'll label a thespian.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
U.S. Senator David Bruce Vitter from Louisiana =
Conservative? No, sir! But adulterous, I'm afraid.
>
LONG CATEGORY, July 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
A Day In The Life
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The new Sinead O'Connor "Theology" CD =
One lady in here who connects to God.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, The United Kingdom and The United States of America =
A Daily Agenda: Apathetic, unfair madmen and fat jackasses gather to undermine tiny countries.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Tiger by Hilaire Belloc
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2007:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Britney Spears' opening act at MTV Awards =
Embarrassing twat in pop dance travesty!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Tim, a precocious child, once asked, "Hi there, Papa! Why are all wedding dresses white?" ~
His daddy was the great wisecracker, replied, "Household appliances come in white!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Welcome to the Disneyland Paris Resort! =
Its Old Policy: The men wear rodent's ears.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Germans Siegfried and Roy =
Gay friends, in some regard.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Two prostitutes were riding around with a sign on their car which said: "Two Prostitutes: $69.69."
Seeing the blatant and shameless sign, a cop stopped them and told them to remove it or they would be arrested.
Soon thereafter, another car passed with a "JESUS SAVES" sign.
One of the ladies asked, "How come you don't stop them?"
"Well, that's kinda different," the officer flashed a smile. "Their sign is not on sex but about religion."
~
So the two shattered, sorriest bimbos just took it down without resistance and drove off.
Next day, the same officer of biased mind spotted the two foolish prostitutes driving again around the metropolis with a poster on their car.
Sensing he had an easy arrest, he caught up with the troublesome mademoiselles and he noticed the dauntless pair's latest sign which now read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter: $69.69."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The End Of The World
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
In a flaccid state =
Fact: I can't, ladies!
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2007:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Kissing under the mistletoe =
Men sure do like this setting.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2007:
1st - Adie Pena with:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... =
Images of winter amid this charm.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Bhutto assassinated =
Sadness is about that.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2007:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The surrealist painter Salvador Dali =
This Spaniard altered visual art lore.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
But why are you still running everyday? A handful of experts say that sex and laughter are perfectly good for your heart. ~
Except when your lady partner's found laughing at your severe fat body during sex. Hey, that's really fatal for your heart!
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2007:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Shaved her pubic hair =
Ah! Deprive a rich bush!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus ~
is the scary lethal topic at numerous U.S. clinics.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
English author and mathematician Charles Lutwidge Dodgson ~
has got on him the magical drugs that Alice used in Wonderland.
LONG CATEGORY, January 2008:
Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
A group of Cubans desert their island and are on their way to Miami. In the middle of their arduous journey, the weakest grey one suffers a massive heart attack and, as his last dying wish, asks for a flag to say "Adios" to his dearest country. Having abandoned everything in Havana, the other Cuban men search desperately within their boat to find something that will resemble a flag of their country... a t-shirt or a handkerchief perhaps. Nada!
Almost ready to abandon all hope, a gorgeous 20-year-old girl interrupts their desperate search to offer a tattoo of a waving Cuban flag inscribed on the left cheek of her buttocks.
~
A rather pat idea, she pulls down her jeans, revealing the Cuban flag in a beautifully-shaped tanned buttock cheek area. She approaches the dying man and offers her attractive ass, for free, right on his crinkled face. The old man fondles the 'flag,' grabs her fine cheek with both hands and begins to kiss the artistic tattoo, reiterating "My dear Cub-aaah! With great sadness, I say "Aaah-dios" to you forever! I will miss you soon thereafter my birthland, Havan-aaah..."
After going on for almost 20 torturous minutes, the deteriorated man says to the poor, teary-eyed girl, "Now, chica... turn around, por favor... I want to kiss Fidel good-bye!"
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
A sexual intercourse =
Excretions are usual!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Fidel Castro retires =
Dictator's isle freer?
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, February 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The actor Daniel Day-Lewis: ~
"Ideally, I wanted the Oscar!"
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, February 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The end of old Winter means a holy beginning,
The color of youth and the hue of Spring.
Like a foolish, lustful breath on a fresh start;
Ended to ultimately rekindle a cold heart.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Antonio Vivaldi's The Four Seasons =
A violinist's reasons to do have fun!
LONG CATEGORY, March 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Some writing advice by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. on the subject of short stories.
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
=
How to win at the monthly Anagrammy Forum competitions.
1. "Aha!" Do something that hasn't been done before. Wow them! If it's an often-used topic (e.g. pop culture), try new and different angles.
2. The shorter your cohesive pieces, the more elegant. All those verbose descriptors are disadvantageous.
3. Heehaw! Guffaw! A jocular one (e.g. "deadheads") is a gas; a jewel that will attract attention and spur those coveted priceless points.
4. Avoid obscure, weird and eccentric hotchpotches. These are worthless tosh! Voters are downright conservative nowadays.
5. Make nice with everyone at the Forum. Swallow your pride. Occasionally nominate their anagrams even though you think they are hogwash.
6. Nick the subjects of others. Make hilarious anagrams out of the same letters.
7. Assess the contestants. See to it that Meyran Kraus doesn't post any entries. (Whew!)
8. When hopelessness sets in, watch the leader board regularly. Ask your friends, relatives and schoolfellows to vote for you.
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Hairy testicles =
Real itchy sites.
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich =
Dad wants to eat a nice combo at lunch.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Pope to address the church's paedophilia crisis =
So a cheap parish priest seduced this poor child?
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, April 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
L'artiste Degas =
Listed as Great.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
American Tune
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A morning erection =
No romance igniter.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Microsoft and Yahoo deal =
Lots of head-to-head acrimony.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Three sexy blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
Roy, the officer conducting the interview, looked at the three and said, "Well, so you all really want to be cops, eh?"
The blondes announced, "Really!"
Roy got up from his chair, strolled across the room, opened a file drawer and pulled out a manila folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so on."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
He shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It is just a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
He then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds.
~
He pulled it back and said, "And you? Detect something different about this man?"
"He only has one ear!"
He put his head in his hands and said, "Didn't you hear what I just told her? This is a side profile. Of course you can only see one ear! You're out of it, too!" The second seductive one left.
Pessimistic, he turned to the third sexy blonde and said: "This is probably a waste of time, but..."
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything different about this man?"
The vivacious blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The pompous officer frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
Outguessed, he looked up at the blonde with a baffled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His database bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
"Well, Helloooo!" the condescending blonde rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Cut the disguise, detective! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Elephant / The Donkey
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Sexual fetishism =
It is shameful sex!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2008:
Eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Indian Rhinoceros =
It had one nice horn, sir.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
One afternoon, the astute wife asked her harried husband, "Hon, what do you like most in me: my lovely face or my erotic body?" ~
He looked at her from hefty head to stubby toe and answered with conviction: "I alone may like your sense of humor, my dear!"
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December =
God gave us the wisdom to achieve our greatness. So remember Him.
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Gay couples rush to get married in California =
Clear-cut rear-humping fairies long to say "I do"!
LONG CATEGORY, July 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Musee du Louvre in Paris, France is one of the world's most visited art museums, a historic monument, and a national symbol. The collection has some 34 thousand priceless pieces.
On the Right Bank and between the Seine River and the Rue de Rivoli, the Louvre is slightly askew of a long architectural straightaway that cuts through the heart of Paris.
=
The merciless French villain passes the museum security, steals their 4 terrific art pieces, and gets to his van.
But he is captured 3 short corners away when he runs out of vital millilitres of value-added petrol.
How can one make a blatant, childish error?
"Monsieur, that is the reason. I had nothing Toulouse with no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The New Colossus
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Stretch teats to win ~
a wet t-shirt contest!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, August 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Bosnian Serb leader Radovan Karadzic =
Ranks as one odd, crazed, evil barbarian.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2008:
Eq1st - Adie Pena with:
The Acropolis =
Hero's capitol.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A black man and his son are aboard American Airlines going across the Atlantic Ocean when they hear the captain's strained voice coming over the speakers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of our engines has gone out. We still have three working fine, but in order to make it across the ocean, we have to dump all our luggage. It will soon be picked up by boats and then returned to the airport where you can pick it up. So sorry for the inconvenience."
Well, about fifteen minutes later, the captain comes on again.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I have some more bad news. We just lost another engine. Since we already dumped the luggage, next we will have to drop some people. You will be given floating devices and will be picked up immediately by boats and taken safely to shore. To be fair, we will do this in alphabetical order...
~
'A' is for 'African Americans.' Please raise your hands. We'll take a few."
Hearing this, the manipulatable little black boy started to raise his hand.
The father glowered and uttered, "No son, keep it down!"
When no one raised theirs, the uninventive captain proclaimed, "Okay, fine, let's move on to letter 'B.' 'B' is pegged for our 'Blacks.' Raise your hands."
"Wow! Unbelievable intimidation!" Again, the big mettlesome man kept the little boy from raising his hand.
Outwitted, the wearisome captain comes on once more, and announces, "Well, I guess we'll move on to 'C.' 'C' is divvied up among 'Colored People.' Raise your hands."
Bedeviled, the intuitive, clever man kept gagging the boy from raising his.
"But Poppa! We are 'African American,' we are 'Black,' and we are also called 'Colored.' Why won't you let me raise my hand?"
He counseled, "No son, today, we is 'Niggers.' Those 'Mexican' jalapenos are going before us!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
[An anagrammed ten-letter word square]
1. D E S C E N D A N T
2. E C H E N E I D A E
3. S H O R T C O A T S
4. C E R B E R U L U S
5. E N T E R O M E R E
6. N E C R O L A T E R
7. D I O U M A B A N A
8. A D A L E T A B A T
9. N A T U R E N A M E
10. T E S S E R A T E D
=
1. A son
2. A sea creature
3. Neat, cute breed
4. An ant
5. Seen chromosome structure
6. Dead endearment
7. A locale
8. A site
9. Earth "brand"
10. Be tiled
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The oral stimulation of the penis =
Fellatio is tops in her neat mouth!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Venus and sister Serena =
An assured tennis serve!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, September 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Vice President Sarah Palin =
Invest in a crap leadership.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
ACROSS
1 Staff
5 An Arab governor
9 Leaf
10 Rather suitable
11 Sea
12 Tennis serves
13 Most fantastic
15 "I'm a seaman!"
16 Croc
22 Handsome television star
23 Get going!
24 Town
25 Actor Allan Lane's wise horse
26 Bills
27 Japanese money
DOWN
1 Resorts
2 Percent
3 Alga
4 Poppas
5 Great site
6 Timid men
7 Freezes water
8 To doze
14 Harry
16 Help
17 Tardy
18 Threatening animal
19 Tattered
20 Airtight kiln
21 Crimson, fuchsia and rose
~
What makes this CROSSWORD PUZZLE different from the rest is that all
the letters in the answers (inclusive of this note) are an anagram of
the definitions. So grab a pencil and enjoy!
ACROSS
1 _ _ _ _
5 _ _ _ _
9 _ _ _ _
10 _ _ _ _
11 _ _ _ _
12 _ _ _ _
13 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
15 _ _ _
16 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
22 _ _ _ _
23 _ _ _ _
24 _ _ _ _
25 _ _ _ _
26 _ _ _ _
27 _ _ _ _
DOWN
1 _ _ _ _
2 _ _ _ _
3 _ _ _ _
4 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
5 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
6 _ _ _ _
7 _ _ _ _
8 _ _ _ _
14 _ _ _
16 _ _ _ _
17 _ _ _ _
18 _ _ _ _
19 _ _ _ _
20 _ _ _ _
21 _ _ _ _
The Solution
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Yes, most realized later ~
size really does matter!
LONG CATEGORY, October 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
TERRORISM
IF YOU SUSPECT IT
REPORT IT
TERRORISTS NEED INFORMATION
Observation and surveillance help terrorists plan attacks. Have you seen anyone taking pictures of security arrangements?
TERRORISTS NEED TRANSPORTATION
If you work in vehicle hire or sales, has a sale or rental made you suspicious?
TERRORISTS NEED TO TRAVEL
Meetings, training and planning can take place anywhere. Do you know someone who travels but is vague about where they are going?
TERRORISTS USE COMPUTERS
Do you know someone who visits terrorism-related websites?
TERRORISTS NEED COMMUNICATION
Anonymous, pay-as-you-go and stolen mobiles are typical. Have you seen someone with large quantities of mobiles? Has it made you suspicious?
CALL 0816 789 321 (54)
CONFIDENTIAL ANTI-TERRORIST HOTLINE
LONDON METROPOLITAN POLICE
=
TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR
OPINIONATIVE UNSHAVEN SURGEON
MAY BE AN OUTSPOKEN ISLAMIC
TERRORIST, NO?
1. Cheesy medical office suite in an ideal unknown, eerie cave.
TERRORIST, NO?
2. Oasis parking spot has a very conspicuous camel tied to a palm tree.
TERRORIST, NO?
3. Television in the waiting room set to NBC/CNN.
TERRORIST, NO?
4. Spontaneously tells you to stop eating bacon.
TERRORIST, NO?
5. You ask the name of his gruesome surgical implements, and wise comeback is "shrapnel."
TERRORIST, NO?
6. Alma Mater is Al Qaeda University.
TERRORIST, NO?
7. Woe! Very unfashionable, sweet 8-year-old daughter is married.
TERRORIST, NO?
8. Unamusedly calls your bagel a "death donut."
TERRORIST, NO?
9. Gives you the keys to his new eye-popping Mercedes auto.
TERRORIST, NO?
10. Ends up all sessions with a furious "Death to evil America now!"
TERRORIST, NO?
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. THESE ARE OUR RULES! Please note these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 16 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We think you are just fine otherwise we would have said something.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
~
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it properly done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. If possible, please say whatever you have to say during that rotten commercial.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 predetermined colors, like pre-programmed Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. Men have no idea what teal or amber is.
1. If it itches, it shall be irreverently scratched. We do this. It's neat!
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying and offended; BUT it is just not worth the effort and stress. Besides men know you are a very tempersome tormentor and will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. If we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... REALLY.
1. You have enough of the best, latest clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such smart topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. Me get in shape? Remember 'round' IS a shape!
1. Thanks for reading these statements. Treatise?!? Yes, I know I have to sleep on the sofa tonight; but men really don't mind. It's like camping.
RUDE CATEGORY, October 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Huge breasts ~
Great bushes.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
"Aquarius/Let The Sun Shine In" =
Listen! "Hair" has unique tunes.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
President-elect Obama =
I am noted; respectable.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
"We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs." (Will Rogers) =
We narrowly learn when one wastes votes TWICE for a Bush, an utterly unintelligent man!
LONG CATEGORY, November 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE NEW F*****G STOCK MARKET BUZZWORDS
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing a f*****g investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A f*****g eighteen-month period when the f*****g kids get no allowance, the f*****g dear wife gets no jewelry & the f*****g husband unjustly gets no lay (f*****g sex!).
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose f*****g phone has been quietly disconnected.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Your past year investor who's now locked up in the f*****g nuthouse.
MARKET CORRECTION: The f*****g day after you buy stocks. (Grrr!)
CASH FLOW: The movement your f*****g money makes as it disappears down the f*****g toilet.
YAHOO: What you scream after selling it to some f*****g poor sucker at a price of $240 per share. (Whew!)
~
WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the f*****g sucker who bought YAHOO at $240 per share.
PROFIT: A most vintage term no f*****g longer in use.
CEO: [F*****g management] Chief Embezzlement Officer [See CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer]
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors shitting in their pants as the f*****g market crashes.
STOCK ANALYST: The f*****g monkey who just downgraded your stock.
BROKER: What my f*****g asinine broker has made me.
VALUE INVESTING: The f*****g sadistic art of buying low AND selling lower!
STOCK SPLIT: A grim moment when the f*****g kinky ex-wife and a skunk lawyer-accountant manage to split your assets equally between themselves.
STANDARD & POOR: Your f*****g life in a nutshell. (Enough already.)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Phrase Shaper
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
She's a virgin at forty =
It's her frosty vagina!
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
An elephant's memory =
Phenomenal mastery.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2008:
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Obama is the TIME "Person of the Year" =
Yes, a 'brother' is the epitome of a man!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2008:
eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Post-Impressionist artist Van Gogh =
Improvises, he's got to paint night stars.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Chinese restaurant syndrome =
The nasty scare in menu orders.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Al-Baghdadia television correspondent Muntadar al-Zeidi =
I did grab and hurl a size ten at a moron, hence it's all videotaped.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2008:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas? =
It's the treasured stuff we cut I seek: "Harmony on earth, goodwill to man."
LONG CATEGORY, December 2008:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Three men suddenly died on Christmas Eve and were warmly met by the kindly and soft-spoken Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'In honor of this special holy season,' Saint Peter declared, 'Each one of you should possess an object that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a white cigarette lighter. He flicked it on and said, "Ah this represents a candle.'
'You may now pass through the Pearly Gates,' Saint Peter said.
~
The second inventive man reached into his pocket, pulled out a set of keys and shook them.
"I signify bells’ rings."
Saint Peter said, 'Yes, they do. You may pass through the Pearly Gates.'
The third man started searching desperately through his clothes and finally pulled out the nicest pair of panties.
A sceptic St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow.
'Madness! And just what does that woman’s one personal thing symbolize?'
The cornered man bluffed, 'These are Carol’s.'
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2008:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The Solution
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. says "Good-bye!" =
Yes, Bush goes today!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The New Year Night Poem
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The successful penis enlargement operation =
A useful nine-incher plans to get some respect!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, February 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
President Obama =
Man to be praised.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2009:
eq1st - Adie Pena with:
The solution
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Those blue Viagra magic pills ~
give big miracles to a phallus.
LONG CATEGORY, March 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE PROOF THAT MEN HAVE IDEAL FRIENDS
Friendship among Women
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her cuddlesome husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends; and not a single one of these intimate friends knew anything about her sleep over.
~
Friendship among Men
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his kind wife that he had to go sleep over at a friend's house. So the woman called her husband's 10 best friends, too. What a smart idea! Funny but these nine confirmed he had slept over, and one snot even affirmed he was still there sleeping.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The solution
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Written In March
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Second-hand cigarette smoke =
She, kids and me get cancer, too.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Portuguese Water Dog Club of America =
Top Obama wish: Cute four-legged creature.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
In all its patriot prime,
A nation can honor rhyme.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The solution
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The global economic crisis =
Resist becoming alcoholic!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Webster's Dictionary =
Basic word entry site.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
During a recent visit to a mental asylum, I asked the Director, "How do you determine whether or not one should be locked up in this institution?"
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a huge bathtub then we offer a teaspoon, a small teacup and a large bucket to a patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
=
"Oh, isn't that remarkable theoretically?" I admitted. "A normal one, anytime, would use the bucket because it's bigger; and the battiest, flakiest person, the minute spoon or the teacup."
"No, thickhead!" the authoritative Director huffed. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near this window?"
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Practised fellatio =
Delicate art of lips.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The Sound of Music" =
For me, I'm sure songs touched hearts and minds.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The American composer Leonard Bernstein's "West Side Story" =
Show's esoteric director presents Tony, Maria and ensemble.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Legendary newsperson Walter Cronkite [1916-2009] =
Gnarly network elder now rests in peace.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Best beach area in ~
the Caribbean Sea
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Barack and Michelle =
Black lad came in her.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2009:
Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
He can openly hear good overtures at ~
the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
For Music
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Environmentally damaged =
Man violated my green land!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland =
Humid, humdrum months have gone away;
How we survived the sun heat midday.
Now ahead an orange-hued Fall.
Soon it'll be old Winter's call!
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
A lonely widow =
A wooden willy.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
"Astro Boy" =
Say "Robot."
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The Andre Agassi autobiography =
Into a drug habit phase years ago!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Michel de Nostredame =
Omens? I declared them!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
I must have seen a people's destiny: disaster tales, much terror, crime...
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
October - Robert Frost
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2009:
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
The pen is mightier than the sword =
Shed the armor thing. Epithets win!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
E. C. Segar's Popeye the Sailor Man =
Seagoer employs spinach-eater.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Veterans Day, Eleventh of November =
Note men have often bravely served.
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Menstruation ~
is meant to run.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2009:
1st - Adie Pena with:
You can't teach an old dog new tricks. =
Work on educating old cats. They can!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The Sound of Music" =
Hundreds of us recommend Maria's hit song set.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Reader's Digest ~
is dead. Regrets.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2009:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The fiftieth anniversary of Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The Sound of Music" ~
means "Do-Re-Mi," "My Favorite Things," other stuff sound fresh and are nice hits.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2009:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
On the 12th day of Christmas
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2009:
eq1st - Adie Pena with:
It's in cold winter weather ~
erections wilt and wither.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2010:
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Leno and O'Brien fiasco =
NBC retained a foolish one!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Gustave's Eiffel Tower (Paris, France) ~
offers rapt guests a fine, clear view!
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Solitary confinement =
Myself. No interaction.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The Top Three Richest People in the World:
Warren E. Buffet,
Carlos Slim Helu,
and William Gates III
=
Billionaires:
I'm the Super Capitalist,
the New Upright Fellow,
and the Microsoft Wheeler-Dealer.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Since My Valentine Got A Computer
TOPICAL CATEGORY, March 2010:
Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Paedophiliac priests =
Pope: "It is a child's rape!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, March 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. film director Kathryn Bigelow =
"The Hurt Locker" wins big time for lady!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
THE WORLD'S FIVE DEADLIEST SNAKES*
1. Fierce
2. King Brown
3. Papuan Taipan
4. Mainland Tiger
5. Eastern Tiger =
PICKING PEOPLE SEEN AS WORST EVER, GUARANTEED:
1. Stalin
2. A. Hitler
3. Idi Amin
4. Dr. Frankenstein
5. A daft G. W. B.
LONG CATEGORY, March 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
RECIPE FOR PEACE
1 Statement of Open Honesty
1 Prayer of Serenity
5 1/4 Cups Kindheartedness
1 Yesterday's Sincere Love
1 Reverence
1 Tsp. Restraint
1 Atonement
A Dash of Terrorist-Free Hope
1 1/3 Cups Reforestation
0 Threats to Nature
0 Disease
Stir. Refrigerate. Eat.
=
RECIPE FOR DISASTER
1 President
1 Vice-President
1 Speaker of the House
1 President Pro Tempore of the Senate
1 Secretary of State
1 Secretary of the Treasury
1 Secretary of Defense
1 Attorney General
100 Senators
435 Representatives
...to run this American nation.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, April 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. President Obama =
I'm not a desperate Bush!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
"But Guy's heart slept under the violets on Muriel's grave." (from Edith Wharton's "April Showers")=
Unsung promises
That we hold so dear,
Through many bitter hurts
A first love will persevere.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN BUSHISMS: The Stupidest Things The Former U.S. President George W. Bush Has Ever Said
10. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
9. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
8. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."
7. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
6. "You work three jobs? É Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." [to a divorced mother of 3]
5. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
4. "They misunderestimated me."
3. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"
2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
1. "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."
=
TEN OF THE MOST HUMOROUS APRIL FOOL'S DAY HOAXES
- Thanks to the rarity of an enemy (i.e., the spaghetti weevil), Swiss farmers had huge spaghetti crops.
- I see a rookie who pitches at 276.8 km/hour; joins New York Mets.
- A B-and-W set to receive transmissions in color with a nylon stocking over the screen.
- Yesterday, Taco Bell hinted that it bought the Liberty Bell! (Woo-hoo!)
- San Serriffe, a country in the Indian Ocean of many semicolon-shaped islands.
- Do you remember his roguery? An effete, odious Nixon (so, they see your same untrustworthy NOSE!) to run for president again with a new recommended slogan: "I did not do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." (My eye!)
- Southern state initiates the transmutation of pi from 3.14159 to a 'Biblical value' of 3.0.
- Burger King introduces a 'Left-Handed Whopper' for the numerous southpaws in our U.S. nation. (Tee-hee!)
- An eyewitness found a new squirmy genus: The hotheaded naked ice borer!
- Unique moon event causes a remote gravitational alignment; reduces the Earth's gravity.
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
No broad liked ~
a broken dildo.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Meg Ryan's famous role in 'When Harry Met Sally' =
Her orgasm? She was momentarily really funny!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
[One] "Hot Summer in the Bahamas"
[Two] "Nascent Harvest by Autumn"
[Three] "The Hoary Winter" to...
[Four] "Cheery Hopes of Spring"
=
"The seasons are what a symphony ought to be: four perfect movements in harmony with each other." [Arthur Rubenstein]
LONG CATEGORY, May 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN MOST DANGEROUS DOG BREEDS
10. Dalmatians: Terribly unmanageable.
9. Boxers: "Hard-to-train" ungentle puppy.
8. Presa Canarios: Frigging fearless!
7. Chow Chows: Unsafe if ill-bred.
6. Doberman Pinschers: Madness! Grr. Highly hostile when angered.
5. Alaskan Malamutes: Hmm... Drudgery? Bored? Turns jumpy, harmful, damaging.
4. Huskies: Me? The big deadly biter.
3. German Shepherds: Brazenly fearless, mean and bold.
2. Rottweilers: Hostile due to territorial instincts.
1. Pit Bulls: Take on any opponent. HELP! Remember, locks killer jaws on jugular.
=
TOP TEN MOST UNUSUAL CELEBRITY PET NAMES
10. Rachel Bilson's mixed-breed pup: Thurmen Murmen.
9. Ben Stein's shorthaired German pointer: Brigitte Bar-Dog
8. Adam Sandler's English bulldog: Matzoball
7. Selma Blair's one-eyed dog: Wink
6. Audrey Hepburn's Yorkshire Terrier: Mr. Famous
5. Martha Stewart's chow: Genghis Khan
4. Tori Spelling's pug: Mimi LaRue
3. Joss Stone's poodle: Dusty Springfield
2. Jake Gyllenhaal's German Shepherd and Puggle: Atticus Finch and Boo Radley
1. Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck's yellow Labrador: Martha Stewart
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Want enticing pleasure? =
Large penis in a wet cunt!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The assassin Lee Harvey Oswald =
Analyses revealed shot was his.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, July 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Top Three Religions In The World Are:
1. Christianity,
2. Islam, and
3. Hinduism
=
Similar High Opiates:
1. Written Theism,
2. Enshrined Doctrine, and
3. Holy Ritual.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, July 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
An unhappy large-eared Charles has often thought about that nose of hag Camilla: ~
"Though all her parts be not in th' usual place, She hath yet an anagram of a good face."
LONG CATEGORY, July 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
All Of The Top Ten Active Forum Personnel*
1. A lexicon-loving lass Rosie
2. A splendid jewel Dharam
3. A fledgeling Adie Pena
4. A fine old Brit dad Tony Crafter
5. An engaging View
6. A boozing sot David Bourke
7. An apt, exceptional Meyran Kraus
8. A fun fellow Chris Sturdy
9. A selfless Larry Brash
10. A pleasant M. Mesterton-Gibbons
=
Ten Alternative Uses for a World Cup Vuvuzela**
by Mad Dog and Glory
1. Flowerpot
2. Fake leg for a Long John Silver Fancy Dress Party
3. Spare Table Leg
4. Baseball Bat
5. Drinking Implement
6. An Old Fashioned Hearing Aid
7. An Extra Arm Extension
8. Telescope
9. Blow Dart for use in Political Assassinations
10. Deafening Machine
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
July - Hilaire Belloc
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, August 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
1. Self-Actualization
2. Esteem
3. Love and Belonging
4. Safety Needs
5. Physiological Needs =
Man's Lifestyle Needs:
1. Gee, a Wife!
2. Lunch/Dinner Dates
3. Glasses of Alcohol
4. Playboy Magazine's Hot Videos
5. Erection
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2010:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Natural bodily functions =
I'd continually fart on bus.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Top 10 Female Erogenous Zones
10. Inner Thighs
9. Behind the Knees
8. Buttocks
7. Nape of the Neck
6. Ears
5. Feet
4. Wrists
3. Breasts (Nipples)
2. Vagina/Clitoris
1. Lips
=
Top 10 Male Passion Zones
1. 'Batons'
2. The 'Big Bone'
3. Cocks
4. The 'Fun Frankfurters'
5. The 'Little Soldiers'
6. Peckers
7. Penises (Again!)
8. The 'Thing'
9. Vipers
10. Weenies
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
"The anagram is one of the greatest follies of the human spirit; one must be foolish to enjoy them and worse than foolish to create them." (Quote by G.J. Hecart)
=
ANAGRAMS?
Not for those fools who object
And the
Gloomy; but I choose the fine
Ripe
Anagrammatist, the
Merry, the jestful, the
Sane, the quiet ones. Oh, to life!
LONG CATEGORY, October 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Castration [refer to book on spaying or neutering or fixing] is any foolproof action, surgical or chemical treatment, by which a male loses the functions of his testicles for life. Fact: To prevent or minimize erections, eunuchs or "ball-less fellows" have performed as gentlemanlike people, from the best harem servants to old guardians of big-boobed bombshells.
=
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball, for maintenance level employees it's bowling, for front-line workers it's football, for middle management it's tennis, for supervisors it's baseball, and the sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is golf. The amazing conclusion is the higher you go in management, the smaller your balls become.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Transportation Security Administration ~
insist to scan my nude interior at that airport!
LONG CATEGORY, November 2010:
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP 10 THANKSGIVING MOVIES EVER!
1. Home for the Holidays
2. The Ice Storm
3. The Daytrippers
4. Scent of a Woman
5. Planes, Trains and Automobiles
6. Pieces of April
7. Avalon
8. Alice's Restaurant
9. The House of Yes
10. Miracle on 34th Street
=
TOP 10 TURKEYS EVER!
1. The Lavatory
2. I Remember Serotonin
3. Fittest America
4. Spaceship Sassenach
5. Movie 43: Untitled Comedy
6. Passion for Oil
7. Vampires of Washington D.C.
8. Lethal Shoe
9. That Southern Fool
10. Teenage Sarah Palin
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Sixteen Going on Seventeen =
Got intense sex one evening.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Cold weather =
Read the low °C.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2010:
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Mary Shelley's Victor Frankenstein ~
clearly invents his freaky monster!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2010:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
United Nations: Cholera epidemic threatens =
A concerned team help out residents in Haiti.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2010:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Niagara Falls in New York, United States =
It is known as a great and really fun site.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Pageantries =
Greasepaint.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, January 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Prime Minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi =
I'm this entirely evil corruptible mafiosi son.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Things You'll Need To Survive A Blizzard
1. Candles
2. Food and water
3. Batteries
4. Battery-operated radio
5. Emergency kit
=
Things You'll Need To Survive A Broken Marriage
1. Pizza
2. Beer
3. Flat
4. Deodorant and style
5. Dedicated two-bit secretary
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
January 1939
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, February 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The PM of Italy Silvio Berlusconi =
Stop the obviously criminal life.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
A cheetah got one grazing impala in ~
the National Geographic Magazine.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
TOP 10 RICHEST COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD
1. United States
2. China
3. Japan
4. India
5. Germany
6. United Kingdom
7. Russia
8. France
9. Brazil
10. Italy
=
TOP 10 WORTHLESS CITIZENS IN SOCIETY
1. Junkie
2. Underpaid
3. Hated
4. Cannibal
5. Lunatic
6. Horny
7. Frigid
8. Rude
9. Nastier
10. Anagrammatist
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Afternoon In February
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2011:
Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Scatological humour =
I'm at loo ... laughs occur.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Bond's adversary =
Very badass Dr. No.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, March 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Sir Thomas Sean Connery ‡
He is an ornery Scotsman.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The Statue of Liberty, New York =
To be truly free, as they know it.
LONG CATEGORY, March 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The 12 Oscar Nominations of Katharine Hepburn
1. "Morning Glory"
2. "Alice Adams"
3. "The Philadelphia Story
4. "Woman of the Year"
5. "The African Queen"
6. "Summertime"
7. "The Rainmaker"
8. "Suddenly, Last Summer"
9. "Long Day's Journey Into Night"
10. "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?"
11. "The Lion in Winter"
12. "On Golden Pond"
=
The 12 Major Failures of George Bush
1. Annoyingly 'mis-spoke' all the time
2. "Katrina?! Oh, I am on a holiday!"
3. Crony henchmen
4. Hey, no WMDs!
5. Personal liquor
6. "I permitted torture!"
7. Moronic management
8. Handling of Middle East
9. An honest nation?!
10. War on drugs!?
11. The twins!!
12. Running the U.S. Presidency.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2011:
Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
CLXVII The Lost Love
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Clitoral stimulation techniques =
Listen! I'll acquire a hot moist cunt!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Apple Store =
Set laptop here.
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Spreading the thighs wide open =
Gosh! Get hard penis deep within.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Osama bin Laden's death =
The Seals do a bad man in.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
BLONDE 2011 MONTH-BY-MONTH CALENDAR
January
"Happy New Year" to me! Took my new 100-dollar D&G scarf back to the store -- it was too tight.
February
A bummer of a month. Boo-hoo! Got fired from my job at the pharmacy for failure to print labels on 111 medicine bottles. I couldn't believe it. The bottles wouldn’t fit in the typewriter!
March
Exciting and best month ever. I feel like a queen indeed! Finished a jig saw puzzle in 9 months. The box said "2 - 4 years."
April
Scary month. Whew! Gee, was trapped on an escalator for 12 hours -- the power went out!
May
A frustrating month. Tried to make Kool-Aid from scratch. Didn't succeed. It seems 8 cups of water just will not fit into those little packets.
June
An adventurous month. Tried to water ski -- and had to give up -- couldn’t find a lake with a decent slope.
~
July
Defeated month. Lost a breast stroke swimming competition I joined -- then found out all the other 10 swimmers cheated by using their arms! Total jerks!
August
Wet month! I got locked out of my Japanese car during a rain storm. The inside of my car was ruined because the top was partially down.
September
Dumb month. I lost that TV quiz show. The capital of California is 'C,' isn't it?
October
I rant: "Little M&Ms?! I hate that junk! They are so hard to peel!"
November
Bad food month. Cooked a fat turkey for 4 1/2 days. Catastrophe! It was very dry -- don't know what went wrong. I looked at instructions below: "1 hour per pound." Note that I weigh 108.
December
Fateful accident month. Zapped a finger really bad. Couldn't call 911 for an expert fix. No "eleven" on the phone!?
Maybe 2012 will be different.
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The actresses Gina Lollobrigida and Sophia Loren =
So clear these Italian ladies prolong big hard-ons!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Federal Bureau of Investigation =
But as I've feared, I got a life on the run.
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Sodomite: ~
"Some do it!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
Aoi Sorawa
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A Big Mac, fries and a large Coke =
America liked cans of garbage!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2011:
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Nine/Eleven Tenth Anniversary =
Enshrine a relevant event in N.Y.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, September 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The US General Douglas MacArthur of WWII =
Waged with famous courage: "I shall return!"
LONG CATEGORY, September 2011:
Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE WORLD'S HEAVIEST ANIMALS*
1. Blue Whale
2. Whale Shark
3. African Elephant
4. Indian Elephant
5. White Rhinoceros
6. Hippopotamus
7. Giraffe
8. Crocodile
9. Asian Gaur
10. Bison, Kodiak Bear, Yak, Giant Eland and Alaskan Moose
=
REASON WHY AMERICA IS NOW OH SO OBESE!
1. The High-Calorie Breakfast
2. Doughnut
3. Milkshake
4. Soda
5. Banana Pudding
6. Hawaiian Pineapple Dessert
7. Vanilla Ice Cream
8. All-Fat Pork
9. Whole (or Half) Steak
10. An Italian Dinner
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Silence (Over Manhattan)
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Lots of the best beer, I reckon, at ~
the Oktoberfest celebrations.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
AMERICA'S MOST GLUTTONOUS CITIES*
20. San Bernardino, CA
19. Riverside, CA
18. Oakland
17. Santa Clara, CA
16. San Francisco
15. Los Angeles
14. Austin, TX
13. Orlando, FL
12. San Antonio
11. Sacramento, CA
10. Philadelphia
9. San Diego
8. Chicago
7. Columbus, OH
6. Las Vegas
5. Miami
4. Houston
3. Dallas
2. Detroit
1. New York City
=
OUR NATION'S TRADITIONAL DAILY DIET
20. Pancake
19. Waffle
18. Oat Bran Mix
17. English Scones
16. Doughnuts
15. Avocado
14. Mango
13. Corn
12. Onion Rings
11. Bottled Sauerkraut
10. Italian Ragout
9. Hash
8. Spam
7. Consomme
6. Asian Salad
5. Lay's
4. Chocolate Raisins
3. Desserts
2. Vanilla Ice Cream
1. Classic Coca-Cola
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2011:
eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Beatles' "The Long and Winding Road" =
We had then a grand old song in "Let It Be."
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
The Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi =
Politician bullshit is over. Amen!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The actor Laurence Olivier =
I never caricature Othello.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Area Fifty-One =
A fine ET foray.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
"The Anagrammy Challenge for November is to describe yourself using these words." =
Formerly huge-fortunes obsessed, I'm now this college teacher driven by anagrams.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN GAYEST SONGS EVER
1. Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur - "Bosom Buddies"
2. Sylvester - "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)"
3. ABBA - "Dancing Queen"
4. Andy Bell & k.d. lang - "Enough is Enough"
5. Tim Curry - "Sweet Transvestite"
6. Pete Shelley - "Homosapien"
7. Doris Day - "Secret Love"
8. Klaus Nomi - "You Don't Own Me"
9. The Weather Girls - "It's Raining Men"
10. The Smiths - "Handsome Devil" / David Bowie - "Boys Keep Swinging"
=
Need a suggestively merry tune
That will make you croon.
See the movie so "engagingly queer";
He'll add "well-designed," my dear!
With gays/lesbians heading show business
Remember, the cleverness is endless!
TOP TEN BEST GAY MOVIES
1. Brokeback Mountain
2. Boys Don't Cry
3. Milk
4. Beautiful Thing
5. Rent
6. Philadelphia
7. In & Out
8. My Own Private Idaho
9. All About Eve
10. Gods and Monsters
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Thermal underwear =
He turned real warm.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2011:
1st - Adie Pena with:
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus" =
I am assuming St. Nick was also my ...
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Serviceman shot ~
on Christmas Eve.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Wise men of the East Melchior, Gaspar and Balthasar =
As a star afar helps those Magi meet a newborn Child.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2011:
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Grecian statue Venus de Milo =
Cute, even ideal. Huge tits, no arms!
LONG CATEGORY, December 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE TOP TEN CHRISTMAS SONGS
10. Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy - Bing Crosby and David Bowie
9. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Rosemary Clooney
8. Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! - Dean Martin
7. Last Christmas - Wham!
6. Winter Wonderland - Doris Day
5. Merry Christmas Everybody - Slade
4. Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
3. The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
2. Do They Know It's Christmas Time - Band Aid
1. White Christmas - Bing Crosby
=
10. Odd couple's "Christmas Special" duet
9. Tune by writers Martin and Blane
8. Sammy Cahn's wintery Christmas classic
7. George Michael's stylistic Christmastime treatment
6. Lovely Christmas standard by Bernard and Smith
5. Noddy Holder's recent noteworthy work
4. The King sadly vocalises Hayes
3. One by Mel Torme with Wells
2. Bob with Sting, Bono et al for Ethiopia.
1. Mr. Irving Berlin wrote yesterday's and tomorrow's massive hit.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2011:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Winter Shores
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2012:
Eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
Italian captain Francesco Schettino =
Fatal inaction in catastrophic scene.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, January 2012:
Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Santorum =
Mr. USA? NOT!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2012:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Yosemite National Park, CA =
On a trail to many ice peaks.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2012:
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Youth is when you are allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. [Bill Vaughn]
=
Old age is when you go to a 'how-cheerful-but-damn-noisy' New Year's Eve party, and you're wheeled out STILL ALIVE!
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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