Anagrammy Placings by Allan Morley
All the highly-placed anagrams by Allan Morley from the Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2001:
1st - Allan Morley with:
A skeleton in the cupboard =
Bones are locked up in that.
SPAM CATEGORY, October 2001:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Dear Friend,
If you have been searching for a 100% GUARANTEED and Risk Free way to lose your unwanted inches, this is going to be the most exciting message you have ever received!
Read on...
THE REALITY OF FAT LOSS
Diets are weakening and not fun. Drugs are dangerous. Strenuous exercise could strain your heart or injure you. Now, for the first time ever, there is a PROVEN way to lose unwanted inches INSTANTLY.
Our FREE, NO-OBLIGATION REPORT will show you how:
PEOPLE HAVE LOST 2 to 14 INCHES OF FAT INSTANTLY
Let me say it again, people have LOST between 2 and 14 inches of FAT instantly and it is permanent inch loss. Can you believe that? Please read those numbers again, they are NOT typos.
=
You do not need to starve, spew, exercise, swallow medicine or anything else to be thinner! Just find a chainsaw and LOSE WEIGHT NOW THROUGH HOME SURGERY!
* Sever the fingers, toes, nose, ears, behind, feet, even an
entire arm!
* Take a nice pair of pliers then tear out your teeth!
* Give blood! Donate one kidney, one lung, one cornea, one liver,
anything you have two of.
* Urinate! Fart!
* Shave your hairy eyebrows, head, armpits, legs, ass and nuts!
* Sever those genitals! It's not as if you ever get any, fatso.
Absolutely failsafe! Watch the extra pounds drop off - LITERALLY!!!
***SPECIAL OFFER!!!*** Slice out your brain, spine, heart, guts and testicles and we can turn you into another inane, idiotic spammer!!!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2001:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Intimates
by D.H. Lawrence
LONG CATEGORY, November 2001:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
No man
is an island
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2001:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Palestinian Authority =
Antipathy unto Israeli.
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2001:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Anal intercourse =
Unions are rectal!
SPAM CATEGORY, December 2001:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
CONGRATULATIONS, morleyallan!!
You have been selected to receive FREE INSTALLATION of a Dish Network Satellite TV System! There is no equipment to buy. You can get FREE Professional Installation in two rooms from Dish Network! You can also choose to have a Personal Digital Video Recorder installed for free. (Retail value $499 if you had to buy this!)
=
CONGRATULATIONS, spammerodious!!
You've been selected to receive TOTALLY FREE INSTALLATION of
a loaded REVOLVER up your LEFT NOSTRIL! Liquefy that malodorous
nuisance of a brain in (at most) a SECOND with this stylish, affordable
shooter.
Go on! Ring within 4 years to manually receive a FREE poke in
the eye socket, tonsil or arse with a 99-volt needle!!!
LONG CATEGORY, December 2001:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
On
the twelfth day of Christmas
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2001:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Louis Armstrong =
Rumor: sings a lot.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
The democratic process =
Crap choice deters most.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
Tetrahydrocannabinol =
N.B. Harry contained a lot.
LONG CATEGORY, January 2002:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Death
of a Whale [version 1]
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2002:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Lady Elizabeth Angela Marguerite Bowes-Lyon =
All eulogize sweet royal grandma in the Abbey.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2002:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
[A Nostradamus quatrain supposedly predicting September 11.]
Cinq & quarante degrez ciel bruslera
Feu approcher de la grand cite neuue
Instant grand flamme esparse sautera
Quand on voudra des Normans faire preuue.
=
A tense, unseen quarrel of Asia shall come up:
Dual quarters are ruptured, razed in fire;
Abundant fear & deceased men prompt
A crusader avenging, conquering.
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2002:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Conspiracy theorist =
Psychotic, or nastier...
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2002:
eq.1st - Allan Morley with:
The Death Star =
See that, Darth?
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2002:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Presidential election =
I declare it is not Le Pen.
SPAM CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Are YOU PREPARED for a TERRORIST ATTACK?
Then you need the BioChem Survival Manual
What can you do?
Who can you turn to?
Do you know the measures to take to protect you and your family?
If you do not know, you are not alone!
The BioChem Survival Manual Has the answers that you will want and will need to protect, you and those you care about!
The Survival Manual contains information taken directly from the Military's Nuclear Biological Chemical Training Manual, THE Manual used to teach military personnel how to prepare, prevent, identify, protect against and survive an attack.
Developed by BioChem Survival Systems and containing information you can understand in non-military terminology.
Only $24.95 + S&H
Call 113-6780
=
COULD YOU SURVIVE A SPAM ATTACK?
Unwanted and uninvited electronic circulars are not only very wearisome, monotonous, often hideous, inane and highly annoying, but commonly overload and ruin your computer. Thus, you need the SPAM SURVIVAL MANUAL!
1. Take a note of each annoying violation.
2. Attempt to ask each ISP to kindly inactivate each weak-minded,
unmannerly irritant's account.
3. Note the total futility of the above.
4. Phone your attorney.
5. Sulk.
6. Wildly throw random articles across the room.
7. Cut up your computer's modem or cable.
8. Wantonly shatter your monitor with a hatchet, or a small cannon
if available.
9. Last, annihilate your hard drive by playing frisbee with it.
10. You are now totally SPAM FREE, guaranteed!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, May 2002:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
George Bush and Vladimir Putin =
Brave, triumphing duo sign deal.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2002:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
From the
Irish, by Ian Duhig
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Allan Morley with:
A wet T-shirt contest =
We contrast the tits.
SPAM CATEGORY, June 2002:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
If your home is served by a septic system, you will be able to
receive invaluable information on how to eliminate pump outs,
maintain the system properly and cure problems such as backups,
wet spots, odor, etc.
You can do this by checking out our SPC program at:
http://www.septic-solution.com
In addition, you will have the opportunity to participate in a free trial to test the effectiveness of SPC.
Please check us out.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
SPC
P.S. Remember, you must click on this link to receive this helpful information!
http://www.septic-solution.com
=
Well... I suppose this email account is increasingly like a cesspit, so it's only appropriate that your little crock of brown poop popped up. Let me clarify, you boorish, petty, anal-retentive wretch: it's not worth writing to me. Honestly, I won't need your product - my home's sewer is impeccable. But I think I WILL have to invest in some sort of spam-pump before the account succumbs completely to this cheap, unsolicited, invasive feces. Thus, unless YOU can provide me with one, you can take this spam and stuff it up your buttocks... back to where it came from.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Allan Morley with:
There is no God but Allah =
The tough old Arabs' line.
SPAM CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Sliding Blade PowerTooth™ Pruning Saw with Belt Clip
by FISKARS®
The Sliding Blade PowerTooth™ Saw by FISKARS® has a 6" Stainless Steel blade featuring a patented triple angle tooth design to plane away wood faster than ordinary designs. The Quick Release push button lock ensures safety from accidental closure during operation of the saw.
Made in Finland, assembled in the USA, this saw comes with a handy belt clip and a lifetime guarantee.
CLICK HERE to order your Sliding Blade PowerTooth™ Pruning Saw by FISKARS® Today!
=
At last, a spam with real worth and appeal! I could do with one of those things, thanks. Partially because my dern garden grows wild and free in the time I take deleting all the needless, crass and nonsensical spam I get forwarded so incessantly, but largely because right now I feel like snipping important (if meager) soft and fleshy appendages off your body. I don't need to draw you a diagram.
So CLICK HERE if you wanna be Bobbitted quick smart with this sleek, robust, serrated saw. Or perhaps blunt scissors.
It won't hurt a bit. It'll hurt a LOT.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2002:
eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
All the world's a stage =
God's law: all's theater.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2002:
eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
Death to America! =
I hate a democrat!
SPAM CATEGORY, August 2002:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Just say "Hey Culligan Man!" for crystal-clear, refreshing water at home.
Drinking plenty of water can be so easy! Your local, reliable Culligan Man has two convenient drinking water options for your family. Both provide a continuous supply of delicious water right at your fingertips...for just pennies a glass. Enjoy a state-of-the-art reverse osmosis drinking water system installed right at your kitchen sink. Or have refreshing bottled water delivered and served as you like it from a cooler. Now that's H2Ohhh so easy!
Click Here
Right now your Culligan Man has both on sale with a special introductory rental offer... just $3 a month for the first three months!
Click Here
=
You are in luck, ignoble spammer! It occurs to me that I can provide you with a rather similar offer in return. You see, I've got a 'natural spring' of sorts here which would be most handy for 'recycling' all that sparkling crystal-clear water, and I want to return it fast for each thoughtless, inane, mannerless clown like you to drink, bathe in or wash clothes and things with.
So just say "Hey Cubicle Man!" and henceforth I'll fill 2-3 gallons-worth of glass jars every day, delivered here to your door! Or if you prefer, I can just take a leak in your coffee maker every morning! (That's right, as seen on TV.) Now that's *really* 'Piss Easy'!
(I'm not joking, rotten bitch - either piss off, or get pissed on.)
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
The Arab-Israeli conflict =
Sharon: I'll act a bit fierce.
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2002:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
The striptease =
He peers at tits!
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2002:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Practise what you preach =
Chap was a true hypocrite.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2002:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Hickory dickory dock.
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down.
Hickory dickory dock.
=
Kinky cockroach skulked up chronometer.
So why did kinky cockroach scuttle?
Theory: chronometer did cuckoo!
LONG CATEGORY, January 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
You are Loved
I want you to know that there is someone who loves you very much. That's important to know in the "dog eat dog world" in which we live. We spend our lives trying to earn love and respect and somehow we never seem to "measure up". It's wonderful to be loved without reservation, without having to earn it. We are loved, not because we are good, not because we have lived up to expectations, and not because we've tried to live a good life, but we are loved just like we are... faults and all. God has put a high value on our lives in that He gave His son to die on a cross to pay the penalty for all our sins. He has a very high purpose for yor life!
After 42 years of struggling with the meaning of life and what the purpose of my life should be, I met a man named Jesus and He changed my life. It has been wonderful to be loved unconditionally and to finally realize the meaning of life itself. I'm writing you to share this love and to let you know that you are a very special person in the sight of God. He only wants good for you and wants to help you in all of your trials.
=
You are Hated, Unlovely Spammer
I want you to know that there is someone who hates you very much. Very, very much. In fact, I'd judge that a whole lot of people would find these unsolicited words less of an invitation to salvation, and more of a potential reason to organize harsh, ungodly deeds that involve gleefully flogging your obese anal end and misshapen thighs with a huge wooden club.
Don't get me wrong, it's not your views I have a problem with - I've been a faithful and devout follower of Jesus my whole life. However, to invade and pollute inboxes with ANY unsolicited view, good or bad, is altogether inconsiderate, wearisome, often repulsive and villainous. Even televangelists wouldn't stoop so low.
Anyway, it defeats the purpose altogether. In essence, your futile digital entreaties are far more likely to turn secular people further away from God than vice versa, which as a believer I take offense at. Now frankly, I hope you have the opportunity to go and see God sooner rather than later - though I somewhat doubt He'd want you now.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask) =
Wise textbook does analyse every awkward thing about a fun way to rut.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
To a Terrorist
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Vegetarian meals =
Never get a salami.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Frederic Francois Chopin =
Fair prince of nice chords.
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
A Penthouse centerfold =
Cunt of one stapled here.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2003:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) =
See sad report on rare mystery virus case.
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
Cigarette addiction =
I did it to get a cancer.
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2003:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Late-night television =
Love the genitals in it!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
The incumbent President of the USA =
The incompetent Bush's a true fiend.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2003:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
Weapons of mass destruction =
Stupid son saw no traces of 'em.
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2003:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
A one-track mind =
Romantic, naked.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2003:
1st - Allan Morley with:
The Apple Macintosh =
I plan to shame the PC.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2003:
eq.2nd - Allan Morley with:
The National Rifle Association =
A lone fanatical shooter is in it.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2003:
eq.2nd - Allan Morley with:
My name is Kelly LeBlanc, D.D.S. and I am a Cosmetic Dentist in Houston, Texas. I have come to realize that not everyone has the time to take off work to get his or her teeth whitened or bleached.
I have developed a unique system for bleaching your teeth from the comfort of your home and at a fraction of the cost of what it would cost at my or any other dental office.
The normal cost for teeth whitening at my office is $350-$500, but now because of the low cost of purchasing and selling on the Internet, I am able to offer to you the SAME bleaching system for only $99!
That's right, upper and lower teeth bleached as white as you would like them for only $99! There's no unnecessary trip to the dental office or the cost of seeing the dentist or hygienist. This is how I am able to pass the savings to you, your family and friends! Please feel free to forward this e-mail to anyone you know that might benefit from this tremendous offer.
=
Congratulations, feeble moron, for making the effort to realize that 99.99% of us do not have sufficiently flexible work hours (or the money) to accommodate these moronic cosmetic procedures--not to mention recommending that we offend family and friends by telling them that their teeth need to be whitened. It's shameful when a dentist has a cavity, but even worse when that cavity is where your *brain* should be.
Anyhow, let me hypothesise as to the nature of this fine idea of yours, that mystery teeth-whitening system: is it correction fluid? Clear nail polish? A fresh coat of lead-based gloss paint each afternoon?
Yeah, well I've got another teeth-whitening offer to make to you: for a mere $3,550.00 I'll come by your office, take a hefty hammer to your teeth and then squash pieces of soft white chalk into the resulting gaps. The effect is as good or better, and it's almost totally foolproof. So, how does Monday sound?
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2004:
1st - Allan Morley with:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa =
A spire of note, with angle.
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 2004:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
Valentine amulets =
Sentimental value.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2004:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
What A Wonderful World, antigrammed
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2004:
3rd - Allan Morley with:
A Republican who likes money and the extremist way.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2004:
2nd - Allan Morley with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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