Anagrammy Placings by Ellie Dent
All the highly-placed anagrams by Ellie Dent from the Anagrammy Awards.
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2002:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Bums & tits =
Smut bits!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2005:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Will Shakespeare ~
speaks well, I hear.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2005:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"The natural superiority of women is a biological fact" Ashley Montagu =
Oh face it, guys! We claim an honor, as it IS a battle outperforming you all!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2005:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet " =
Be honest... we assume lady really wants Romeo.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2005:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Live Eight Concert =
Then rich elect to give?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2005:
eq.3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Arthur Conan Doyle =
Canny older author.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2005:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones. (William Shakespeare) =
Grief! That implies that the Devil is set to work forevermore, while man lies, in death, beneath the sod!
LONG CATEGORY, June 2005:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." (George Bernard Shaw)
=
"Oh help! I'm a teapot!" Das ist, transparently, a grand delusion. How the patient's self emerges brand new. The poor deranged fool! An abnormal, remorseless, inborn stress. What a hell the mother began... (Freud)
GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2005:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The newly divorcing =
End love with crying.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2005:
eq.3rd - Ellie Dent with:
French Snail
Selected French snail with special vanilla butter seasoning, with added garlic flavor bread and white bread. The dish is golden in color, creamy in taste with fragrant scent: a delicately cooked dish featuring deluxe French style and a strong Mediterranean flavor.
=
Bastille Day
Alors, we can relax! Celebrate, dining with grandchildren. L'escargot! Eat this wonderfully wicked, truly harmless creation. Taste the dish, and then a grand claret. I have said do spurn the rancid, fattening food of 'Les Rosbifs' eaten in England.
Vive la difference!
M Chirac
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 2005:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Archaeologists =
Goal is to search.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2005:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
The James Bond movies starring Sean Connery =
His command's greatest: I never enjoy Brosnan.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2005:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
A MEDITATION FOR DE-STRESSING
Picture yourself near this quiet stream.
Look at the scene... the beauty of nature helps.
Look up. See a deep blue sky, the birds... how sweetly they sing.
A happy place... away from the usual hateful, unhappy world.
You know no one can bother you here.
Just soothing waterfall sounds echo on the air.
The water's clear.
=
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you are holding under the water.
Look! It is the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise.
You let them up... just for one quick breath... then plop! Back under they go....
You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want.
There now... feeling better?
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2005:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Life's too short =
Foolish to rest?
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2005:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"Shaken, not stirred" =
The star's one drink.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, September 2005:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
His Royal Highness, Charles, Prince of Wales =
See which rich English Royal son flaps ears!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2005:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Children's Bill of Rights
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2005:
eq.3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A new laptop =
Now at Apple.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2005:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Holy Bible in only Fifty Words
God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.
=
Overheard joke
Poor Adam - bad, mad, sad and blackballed - pondered Eden and
said, "I'm flabbergasted: I do feel, like, sad... rejected.
Heaven's apple did appeal. True, we did rebel.
God, the boss, had made Eve a gentle kind, if perhaps awkward,
doll from an odd rib. Simple. A proper wife's a gift, right?
But, Lord, hello? Why did you make her, like, so stupid?"
God spoke:
"Just so SHE could love YOU!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2005:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Eisenhower =
See hero win.
LONG CATEGORY, November 2005:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Element: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 210
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Very difficult to find a pure sample, therefore proving it's really rare. Ageing ones are unable to conduct electricity as easily as the young and fresher.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo whenever it can. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive whenever mixed with K(i)d for any prolonged period of time
Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples produce an amazingly large quantity.
Caution: Warning! In the absence of Wo, this element will decompose rapidly and begin to smell.
=
Element: WOMAN
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: 120
Physical Properties: Rounded in form. Quite compact. Boils at nothing. May freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Markedly bitter if not used well.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Appears to possess strong affinity to metals such as gold, and precious stones. Violent if left alone. Seems able to absorb a huge amount of exotic food. Specimen may turn a little green when placed beside a finer one. Ages rapidly.
Usage: Highly ornamental. Extremely good catalyst for rapid disintegration of wealth. Indeed, probably the world's most powerful income reducing agent yet known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Trust me.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2006:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The Christian Festival of Easter =
It's fantastic, for He's there, alive!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2006:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Kate Bush: 'Wuthering Heights' =
Sang her best with huge UK hit.
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2006:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The shoe lover =
Hot over heels?
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2006:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The National Pollen and Aerobiology Research Unit ~
are ideally able to help a running nose, or an itch, too.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2006:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte' ('Un dimanche aprés-midi ‡ l'Ile de la Grande Jatte') =
Pointillism as an art: an idea of one talented Frenchman, Seurat, and adjudged a real delight. Enjoy!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2006:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Salvador Dali's painting: The Persistence of Memory =
Portrayed nightmare vision of timeless landscape.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2006:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have': Dennis DiClaudio
Hypochondriacs can now fret appropriately and factually with this pocket guide to forty-five disgusting, horrible diseases. All entries include symptoms, a diagnosis guide, treatment suggestions, a prognosis, and - if you are not yet infected - prevention tips. Because it's ultra-portable, you can (and probably should) have it with you at all times so at the slightest onset of an unmistakably fatal-feeling itchy rash, you can simply whip out your trusty guide, conveniently diagnose yourself, and then let the worrying begin.
=
Oh God, see that waistline: a big, floppy pot-belly! Griping pains, and I find guts churn. Is it gas?
A bloody headache across the eyes: is it a virus?
A dry chest; pins and needles. Curious, that.
I try to get fit on a broccoli diet. Even used a fancy gym recently, but I felt an idiot - everyone laughed.
I did try using liniment on my back the other day.
Whatever's that between my toes? It isn't unusually rough skin, or a particularly big wart, mind... but it is odd, isn't it? Suppose it's an obscure parasite?
Face it, fungous feet are a real pain.
Oh, no! Goodness, look! Surely an odd spot for a polyp?
It's all psychological? Very funny. Where's my phone?
Hello? That you, Doc?
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Paris in the springtime ~
might inspire painters.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2007:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's famous paintings of Water Lilies =
Images of a flower in actual sunlit pond, it seems.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, May 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know." (US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld)
=
Hindsight is wonderful.
And know what? No one knew then, when we went, whether any WMD's were found there or not. Talks soon got tense. US knew. Others knew not. Were we wrong when keen, to ask UK to act: take on terror, undertake wars with Bush, and attack? No.
Nonsense, frankly.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Sunrise at Stonehenge =
See the season turning.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
London Olympic Games =
Simply condemn a logo?
LONG CATEGORY, July 2007:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
O, what a tangled web we weave
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2007:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Author Rowling's 'Deathly Hallows' =
And thus she will allow Harry to go...
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, August 2007:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The Anglican minister John Wesley =
Rejoice at all these winning hymns!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
The World Beard and Moustache Championships =
Shows and compares the odd, but ample chin hair.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, August 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
=
Now I'm an old-fashioned girl, utterly astute,
that needs a settled chap: quiet, cute,
whatever, he must've teeth and hair,
even better, a real old-fashioned millionaire!
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Sweet words =
WOW! Dessert!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2007:
Eq2nd - Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Stratford. =
A writer has rare old poems that baffle kids.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2007:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Burmese protesters =
Street-mob pressure
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, The United Kingdom and The United States of America =
A Group of Eight can care: send Africa aid, and meet many humanitarian needs; and yet... it's just talk.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Pavarotti the Legend =
That gent lived opera.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
October the thirty-first: Halloween Night =
Horrible witches threaten to fly tonight!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
American inventor, Elisha OTIS =
Name is historic... in an ELEVATOR.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2007:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
World Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse =
Afford power that children obviously need.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2007:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
United Nations Climate Change Conference =
It meets, and can Gore influence it? No chance.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Winehouse in rehab =
When I abuse heroin.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, January 2008:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The late mountaineer, Sir Edmund Percival Hillary =
And he loved cruel Himalayas until retirement. RIP.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, February 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Edmund Percival Hillary =
Advanced merrily uphill!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2008:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Famous paintings of Water Lilies =
A Monet is uplifting, as is a flower.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, April 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
R Mugabe =
Umbrage.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2008:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
The Mars Landing =
Damn earthlings!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, May 2008:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Claude Oscar Monet =
Sunrise... and colour came to me!
LONG CATEGORY, May 2008:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
I hear that after Picasso came home to find someone in the process of rifling his big new chateau, he drew a few lines... and the sinner's portrait. =
On the basis of Picasso's drawing, the police then arrested a mother superior, the Minister of Finance, a washing machine and the Eiffel Tower.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2008:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa =
A vision, and a smile... and color.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, June 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Senator Hillary Clinton =
Ran, then lost, ironically.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2008:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WHAT are these:
They do what they want, when they want.
They never listen to you; clearly expect to be the real ruler.
They even seem immoral in love.
They're so vocal (a peculiar mewling noise), if they're not happy.
If you want to play around, they are too busy.
=
When you want to be left alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every single, little whim.
They are perpetually moody.
They leave their hairs everywhere.
They drive you bananas when you are on the phone.
CATS: small women in fur coats.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's 'Sunrise' =
Created luminousness.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2008:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
An Olympic hero =
I honor my place!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2008:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Leonardo da Vinci's painting of the 'Mona Lisa' =
Model is an icon, and plain favorite, so hang it!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Thomas Hardy's 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles, A Pure Woman Faithfully Presented' =
The unhappy farm lass suffers so, with love, betrayal: then, led to murder, dies.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2008:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Water Lilies ('Nympheas') by Claude-Oscar Monet =
I create many atmospheric blues, and yellows.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2008:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
A crisis on Wall Street ~
will start a recession.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"Who will be elected as the forty fourth President of the United States of America?" =
I'm totally indifferent to each side, who defeats who... suspect trouble thereafter.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2008:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Vincent Van Gogh's 'A Cornfield with Cypresses' =
The fresh, convincing gold canvas, wispy trees.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2008:
eq2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The legendary Eartha Kitt =
Hear the great 'kitten' lady!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, January 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'When icicles hang by the wall,
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail ...'
=
When feeling hot on Brazil's soil,
When I look back, I miss the chills.
A happy charm'ed land, England,
Thatch'ed home... and some winter bills.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's 'Impression: Sunrise' =
Seems nature, unspoiled, is crimson.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, March 2009:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Shares tumble =
True shambles.
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2009:
eq3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The anti-wrinkle creams =
Miracle... renew that skin!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Money, get away
Get a good job with more pay and you're ok.
Money it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.
=
Money, money, money,
Must be funny, in
A rich mans world.* Great,
As thickhead MPs
Cheat or grab, just *take*
A salary today,
That is bad. I have to go
To work all day to get
A fair wage... Ah, how mad.
*Abba
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Where the Sidewalk Ends
LONG CATEGORY, June 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Detective Sherlock Holmes, and Dr Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a couple of bottles of wine, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful companion awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson deliberated carefully then replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. ~
Astronomically, that tells me there is a big new and wondrous body of unfathomed, and unsurpassed planets.
Horologically, I deduce it is now half-past seven.
Theologically, I do think that God's all powerful, and that we who are men fated, when we're small, weak and dependent.
Finally then, meteorologically, if I'm not mistaken, I'd speculate the outlook for tomorrow, a week ahead even, is pleasant."
After a short silence, Holmes spoke:
"Watson, you idiot. Some bastard's stolen our tent."
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Vincent Van Gogh's masterpiece, 'Sunflowers' =
Such intense pigment: canvas glows forever.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT?
1. Cover her eyes and lead her to a lovely surprise.
2. Whisk her away somewhere exciting for the weekend.
3. Write a song or poem about her.
4. Tell her that she is the most wonderful woman that you have ever met.
5. Run her a relaxing bath after she has had a bad day at work.
6. Send her a romantic text or email or leave a loving note around the house.
7. Wake her up with breakfast in bed.
8. Offer her a coat when she is cold.
9. Send her flowers or chocolates at work.
10. Make her a compilation of her favourite music.
=
1. HE'D BUY the wife... lingerie: handwash knickers, or a sexy nightgown.
2. Extra headache remedies.
3. A rotary lawnmower to cut the lawn.
4. A female shaver to remove the mature facial whiskers.
5. A worthy book on diet, and a workout.
6. HE'D GIVE HER... the rhubarb to make a pie.
7. Beeswax to polish that rather heavy walnut furniture.
8. A yellow leather three-piece suite with loose-covers.
9. A rare wooden clothes-horse, and non-shrink overalls for women.
10. A matched set of tools, and even a cute hammer for herself, from a hardware shop.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The American Senator Teddy Kennedy =
Meant a dynasty ended there, I reckon.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
THE CAT AND THE KING (An Old Fable)
A cat was looking at a king, as is permitted by the proverb.
"Well," said the monarch, observing the cat's inspection
of his royal person, "how do you like me?"
"I can imagine a king," said the cat, "whom I should
like better."
"For example?"
"The King of the Mice."
The sovereign was so pleased with the wit of her
reply that he gave the cat permission to scratch his
Prime Minister's eyes out.
=
WOMEN LIKE CATS
Spike is horrified to see a panicky woman is perched
on a ledge of a burning apartment block, a moggie in
her arms.
The girl kisses her cat, and moves to throw it down to
him below.
Spike keeps a wary eye on it, watching it hurtle
through the air, rashly leaping five, possibly six
feet, to catch it.
To cheers, he does a little dance, lifts the cat high
above him... and smashes it on to the pavement.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Tiny dinosaur fossil is unearthed =
Identifies oldish Tyrannosaurus.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland =
In a word, why human souls must avoid melancholy; value the 'here and now.' Though leaves might wither, fall and die, new dreams do abound.
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2009:
Eq2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The late lamented =
All meet at the end.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WATSON: "Holmes, I have a stomach ache. What do you think the problem is?"
HOLMES: "Alimentary, my dear Watson."
=
WATSON: "Ah, a postman. He may use the smart back door."
HOLMES: "Oh, which, yellow? Admit I have... it's a lemon entry."
LONG CATEGORY, October 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, that talented creator of the world-famous and very popular, hook-nosed Victorian detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not averse to relating tales about himself in which he could often be the laughing-stock.
Here is just one of those stories.
As he relates it, he was waiting patiently at a taxi-stand outside the railway station in the capital city of France, Paris.
When a taxi pulled up, he put his suitcase in it and got in himself.
He was about to tell the taxi-driver where precisely he wanted to go, when the driver asked him, "Where can I take you now, Mr. Doyle?"
The astonished Doyle asked the taxi-driver if he knew him by sight. The cab driver said, "No no, Sir, really, I have never, ever, seen you before."
Doyle asked him what made him think that he was actually Conan Doyle.
The driver replied:
=
"The newspaper today had alluded to your vacation in Marseilles. This taxi-stand is where all those who visit, and come from there, always wait.
Added to which, the deeper tone of the skin leads me to believe that you have been on vacation.
While that small black ink-spot I see on your right-hand index finger, suggests that you are perhaps a writer.
Whilst your apparel is a bit like the English, with tweeds, even a cloak with matching deerstalker hat... unlike the French kind.
When I've reviewed all these pieces of information, facts, I deduce that you are indeed Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
Doyle said, "By Jove, that is hellish clever. Bravo! What next! I see you are a counter-part to my fictional Sherlock Holmes."
"There is one other thing" added the taxi-driver.
"What is that?"
"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, November 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Shakespeare, the English Bard =
Readable phrases: he's the king!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 2009:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Night of Halloween =
Heathen following?
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A smartly dressed man walks into a bar holding an alligator. He goes up to the bartender saying, "Do you serve lawyers here?" =
The bartender says, "Yes sir, sure we do, sir."
"Oh, good man. So get us a long drink then, a tap beer... and my alligator'll have a lawyer.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2009:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Dickens: 'A Christmas Carol' =
Saccharin... like most cards.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2009:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
One foggy evening, the celebrated Victorian Author, Charles Dickens walks into this city bar and orders a Martini. =
The bartender, Abel, a funny character, remarks: "Ah, good evening! I can get this: an icy cold drink. So, is it olive or twist?"
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Rain, sleet, snow =
A winter, no less!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet: 'Impression Sunrise (Soleil Levant)' =
Men could see its promise in natural loveliness.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
This gent entered a bar and sat by this woman, huddled up, with this tatty mutt beside her. He said, "Your dog... does it bite?"
"Dean? No." =
He patted it, but it snarled and bit him. He said, " But you said your dog doesn't bite!" She answered, "He don't. That, there, isn't my dawg."
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A drunk fellow leaving a bar, sees a nun waiting at the nearby bus stop. Walking up to her, he proceeds to punch her in the mouth. =
Unhappy but pure, virtue intact, her hidden knees are buckling. She falls into a heap. He growls: "NOT SO TOUGH NOW, ARE WE, BATMAN!"
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2010:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
A very drunk man stumbling out of a bar, bumps into a priest. "I am Jesus Christ!" he declares. "No, son, you are not", says the priest. =
"But I'll prove it", says the drunk, "in my pub." So the pair enter, to fearsome sounds: a barman screams, "Jesus Christ, not YOU again!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2010:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Agatha Christie's 'Mysterious Affair at Styles' =
As a first case for my sleuth, I say it's a great hit!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Chaos: havoc on airlines =
Ooh! Volcanic ash is near!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A guy walked into a bar with this mutt, saying he could talk. "Get me a beer and watch." "Fido, what is that above us?" The dog said "ROOF!" =
"Who was an ace guy at baseball?" "RUTH!" (Fact - got it!) The barman, Ted, threw the two out. Fido asked: "Ya think I should've said DiMaggio?"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet: 'The Seine at Giverny' =
I may even need to create sunlight!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The Iceland Volcano erupts =
Notice prevalent ash cloud.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, May 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The French painter, Monsieur Edgar Degas =
Preferred those haunting dancer images.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Oil spill in the Gulf =
I'll pollute fishing.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON IN A HOT-AIR BALLOON
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are taking a trip across a desert by hot-air balloon.
There are very few landmarks; and eventually, inevitably they become lost.
Luckily, while flying quite low, they see a man. Holmes shouts, 'Sir, could you please tell me where we are?'
The man looks up, ponders for a moment, and then answers, 'Gentlemen, you are in a hot-air balloon!'
At this moment, a burst of wind picks up the balloon and carries it far away.
=
Sherlock Holmes turns and asks: 'My dear old pal, do you know who that man is?'
'No no, Holmes, of course not. Enlighten me.'
'He's a mathematician.'
'That's quite remarkable! Brilliant! But *how* do you know?'
'Elementary,' says Holmes, drily.
'Look, it's apparent overall he's an intellectual and a rational man. He deliberately took a brief time to ponder our problem before answering.
Secondly, his answer was absolutely correct.
Thirdly and finally, the answer he gave was of no practical use whatsoever.'
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Dryden Quote Anagrammed Into Eight Sherlock Holmes Stories
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Edgar Degas =
So, regard nude images.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The inventor, Elisha OTIS =
One hint: It's his ELEVATOR!
LONG CATEGORY, July 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
A lawyer, a doctor and a mathematician were discussing
the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer said: 'A mistress is better. If you have a
wife and want a divorce, it can cause all sorts of legal
problems.'
The doctor said: 'I think it is better to have a wife
because the sense of security lowers your stress and is
good for your health.'
=
The mathematician said: 'If we're to accept latest
available statistical research, we find the general
verdict is it is safer, so best, to have BOTH a wife
AND lover. Action does reduce stress after all!
So, if your wife reasons you're going abroad with a
mistress, whoever,and said mistress thinks you are
regularly with your wife...YOU can do some maths!'
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2010:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's 'Impression: Sunrise' =
It seems sun and colours inspire me.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The trapped thirty-odd Chilean miners =
It's hot, dirty and cramped in there...HELP!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Nigerian floods ruin crops =
Poor cursing rain on fields.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, September 2010:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Thomas Arne =
A short name
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
God was talking to Archangel Gabriel. 'Do you know, I've created a twenty-four hour period of alternating light and darkness.' =
'Profound thinking, ensuring great work! Whatever can you go on to do after that?' asked Gabriel.' 'I'll call it a day' answered God.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2010:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
1!It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.
=
Oh, Cary has a tiny sheep
It has a frosty hue
And here/there that Cary goes
The tiny beast goes too.
Teachers get to see it
Audacious at her side
And have to hear a 'baa' - odd!
If 'baa' one cannot hide.
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
I wanted honesty ~
in the news today.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2010:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Chile's President ~
is held in respect.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Chilean President Pinera =
Leadership in recent pain.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson =
Who shall detect crooks... and morons.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Britain's weather =
It's a barren white.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One icy evening, Sherlock Holmes and Watson were having their dinner at Baker St. Holmes asked his trusty doctor friend: ~ 'What d'you think of the Baskerville's dog?'
'I discern winning taste, Sherlock. Rather tender, no dryness. Can I have some more?'
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Lion! Lion! Burning bright
In dark woods of scary night,
What immortal foot or hand
Could approach you and still stand?
=
Big cat! Big cat! all forlorn,
Oh, and his plain fur, so worn
Night hours outdoor did play
Think wild, and not a common stray!
LONG CATEGORY, November 2010:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
TOP TEN QUOTATIONS from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's 'SHERLOCK HOLMES.'
Excellent! I cried. Elementary, said he.
You know my methods, Watson.
When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains however improbable must be the truth.
The lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside.
London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained.
To Sherlock Holmes, she (Irene Adler) is always *the* woman.
It is the unofficial force - the Baker Street Irregulars.
The fair sex is your department, Watson.
The curious incident of the dog in the night-time. The dog did nothing in the night-time. That was the curious incident.
They were the footprints of a gigantic hound!
=
THE RIGHT SOLUTION, or not?
I heard my hero, Warlock Bones, playing the fiddle.
'Lostim, you pressed your trousers under a bed!'
'So, how do you know?'
'I've studied trousers over my lifetime. I noticed it once at your home.'
Then he said, 'In thirteen or so minutes, this man will arrive; a Finnish gentleman, he has a wife, two children, and three false teeth.'
'But how on earth can you tell?'
'Oh, he's a personal friend, regarding a stolen necklace.'
'But... the police?'
'The shortsighted dolts interrogated thirteen innocents, then will next arrest my poor friend's wife.'
'Frightful. Lord preserve us!'
'It is quite clear to me. Listen, the thief I'm loath to produce, but I can lay my hands on the gems.'
He went to his safe and extracted a case. It contained diamonds, shimmering in the lamp light.
'But - how... ?'
"I stole them,' said Warlock Bones.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Why would a frog enjoy reading any of Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes adventures? =
Why, only nature: evidence shows he's enormously fond of a jolly croak-and-dagger.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2010:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Conan Doyle gets in a car, to have a cab driver greet him as 'Mr. Doyle.'
'You know me! How?'
'First, notice of news placed in my local paper, plus small stain on pen hand, and I deduce it must be Sir Arthur, writer.'
'Fantastic!' Doyle gasps.
'One thing,' the man adds.
'What?'
'Your name's on your case.'
=
Holmes: ' Watson, I can in fun recount perfectly your day's engagements.' 'Perceptively, Mr Holmes!'
'Lunch meeting at a British upper class address. Then, after a drive across town aboard a tram, dinner in, at eight.'
Watson: 'And how do you know ?'
'I accompanied you all day,' said Holmes.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Rain, sleet, snow and ice =
Can see loads in winter.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, January 2011:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
If you were given just one book to take for company on a desert island, what would you like this to be and why?=
"The Diary of Anne Frank", knowing a positive outlook would surely teach me how to be wise, beyond just today.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2011:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Tripoli unrest ~
interrupts oil.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, February 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "You must help me! I cannot stop frying everything. I even deep-fried the cat! What is wrong with me?" =
Given the non-stop symptoms, which do match evidence, means we get insight. It appears that you're frittering your life away.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2011:
eq3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Sonnet 18
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2011:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
One day, this bear walked up to the Hogshead Bar, the West's busiest and smartest bar, and he said,
'Howdy! I'll have a Gin and................................ tonic.' =
'Cool. But why the big pause?' asked the bartender.
The old bear stared at his hands, and said: 'Aw, it's nothing, son. I've always had 'em.'
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2011:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
The upcoming royal wedding of Kate and William =
A whole kingdom welcoming nuptial date: Friday.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2011:
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
When you move home, I'm afraid that you'll find you're now left surrounded by great piles of boxes to be transplanted. =
You will not be able to find any ruddy thing! Before, for example, I am pretty sure we used to have a four months old son.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"Every autobiography is concerned with two characters, a Don
Quixote, the Ego, and a Sancho Panza, the Self." W. H.
Auden. =
That uncrowned queen
A screen act
Yes, the eyes whose gaze
Lit up a paradox:
Oh, good. Or bad, wanton,
Rich, fat, vain. H-hic!
LONG CATEGORY, April 2011:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
A MAN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
1. You are so manly!
2. Be romantic, turn out the light.
3. I want to get new and deluxe velvet lounge drapes
4. I want new footwear: wedding shoes
5. Hang that painting right up there
6. I heard a strange noise ...
7. Do you love me?
8. How much do you love me?
9. I will be ready soon
10. Does my butt look at all fat in these?
11. You have to learn to communicate
12. Are you listening, dear, are you?
13. Yes
14. No
15. Perhaps
16. I am sorry
17. I feel this is a dated kitchen, awful, all wrong
18. Do you like this recipe?
19. Was that the baby?
=
1. You need a shave and you sweat a lot
2. I have flabby thighs, and cellulite. OMG!
3. and carpets, furniture, wallcoverings and such
4. The other pairs are the wrong white
5. NO! I mean there!
6. I noticed you were almost asleep
7. I'm about to ask for something rather expensive.
8. I did something today you're really not going to like
9. Go and find a TV game to watch
10. Tell me I'm beautiful
11. Agree with me
12 Too late, you're dead
13. No
14. No
15. No
16. You'll be sorry
17. I want a new house
18. It's easy
19. Why don't you get up and walk him until he's asleep.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
SIMPLE PRACTICAL TESTS TO TAKE BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN
Women:
Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
Leave it there.
After nine months remove around five per cent of the beans.
Go to the supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a goat, preferably mature -is excellent. If you intend to have more than one kid, two maybe, take more than one goat.
Buy the weekly groceries without letting them (goats) out of your sight.
Pay for all the goat(s) eat or destroy. Until you can accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
=
Men:
Go to the chemist, tip your wallet onto the counter then tell him to help himself.
Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home. Read a newspaper ... for the last time.
Forget talk of that outstanding new BMW you found. Buy the convenient five-door wagon.
Buy an icecream and put it in the glove compartment.
Take one penny coin and insert that into the new CD player.
Take a large box of Swiss chocolate biscuits, then mash it evenly into the back seat.
Get one garden rake, or use a key even, to run vigorously along both sides of the car.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2011:
eq3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Mona Lisa' by Leo =
Oh, a notable smiley?
LONG CATEGORY, June 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BOYS AND, I HOPE, BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. He does not get lost - he merely investigates alternative destinations.
2. He is not bald - he is just in chronic follicle regression.
3. Remember, he does not have paunchiness, a beer gut - he has developed a
liquid storage facility.
4. He does not fall down badly drunk - he becomes accidentally horizontal.
5. He is not afraid of real commitment - he is monogamously challenged.
6. A man isn't a sick sinner, a chauvinist pig - he has swine empathy.
=
A GUIDE TO HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
1. She's no airhead - she is reality impaired.
2. She doesn't have titillating breast implants - she's anatomically medically
enhanced.
3. She does not nag him - though she becomes verbally repetitive.
4. She doesn't get drunk - she gets chemically inconvenienced.
5. She's not been flitting around - she is a previously-enjoyed companion.
6. She is not a 'chick' or a 'doll,' and far from a fool, quite a normal fellow
human being - she is a breasted citizen.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, July 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong." - John Cheever =
Listen
A nightjar's song.
Danger looming:
Man unmoved,
Opens fire.
How wretched...
Music died.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A PREACHER'S SERMON
I dreaded the first Service of my own, and was just so nervous and wretched I could scarcely speak.
After I had finished, I found the Abbot, a cheery, robust character, to ask him to judge honestly how I'd done.
He replied, 'Whenever I'm uneasy about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of brandy or sherry near the water glass. When I start to get truly ruffled, I have a sip.'
So at Mass on the following Sunday I took the helpful Abbot's advice.
At the start of my sermon I felt cold, and began to jabber, so I took just a short drink, and I proceeded rather more serenely.
On my return to the office I saw this note attached to the door: ~
1 Do take one sip of brandy - don't gulp.
2. There is in fact a total of twelve disciples, not ten.
3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
4. Moreover, we do not refer to our living Christ as the late J.C.
5. Furthermore, if we are in a church we don't usually refer to The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as Pop, Junior, and the Spook.
6. And also, we never refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
7. When He, Jesus Christ who is our Light and Saviour, broke bread at the last supper He said, 'Take this and eat it, for it is my body.' He did not say, 'Eat me.'
8. Finally, the recommended grace we have to say before a meal is not 'Rub-A-Dub Dub, thanks for the Grub, God!'
You are fired.
And that, my children, is my story.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
THE SIGN OF THE '400': Being a continuation of the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2011:
1st - Ellie Dent with:
The Silence of the Lambs: a motion picture =
One's meal is complete... but for the Chianti.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"Man would sooner have the void for his purpose than be void of purpose." - Nietzsche. =
Philosophizer thus
endeavors to move us
in vain: but we cope
for add on fresh hope.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, October 2011:
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"Since we are intelligent human beings living in the twenty first century ~
we believe in ancient truth... yet see cunning men still fight in trying wars."
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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