Anagrammy Placings by Jon Gearhart
All the highly-placed anagrams by Jon Gearhart from the Anagrammy Awards.
LONG CATEGORY, October 1998:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
I've gotten myself in a bind
Doing those *gang* things from behind
I never will learn
In Hell I will burn
For giving that gal a rear-grind
--E. O. Washebridge
=
I fear I might end in Hell
For what I've done, I sadly tell
Laverne was grinning
Right from the beginning
Does bang the gong slow ring a bell?
--Bard Uri VII
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 1998:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Cheating Death Itself
RUDE CATEGORY, November 1998:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
If you're skeptical, that's okay. Just make the call and see for yourself. My job is to inform you, your job is to make your own decision. =
My job? A skill. I screw you, too. Your job? To take my jism anally. Make your decision soon - I found fifty other ass- fuckers out there, ape.
SPAM CATEGORY, November 1998:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
sassy.lapen@sympatico.ca =
pansy-ass@typical.scam.oe
LONG CATEGORY, November 1998:
eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
You have the opportunity to partake in the most extraordinary
and powerful wealth building program! =
I'm power-hungry, rat-bastard thug. Pad in, take hard-to-earn
money (pot full), throw in pit. Exit. Leave you poor.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 1998:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Autumn
The howling wind, shrill to my ears
Flows through the trees, bombarding leaves
Breaking their bond with the limbs
Depositing them upon the ground
-- Jon Gearhart
=
Fall
Around the bend, might this winter await
As high leaves turn, then drop to earth?
I hope the snowstorms do not linger,
Bringing slumber to my big world.
-- Hugh J. Hekuebem
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 1998:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
High Crimes and Misdemeanours
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 1999:
eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Circumstantial Evidence =
Cum-stained tail 'n' crevice!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 1999:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Piano
Man
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 1999:
eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
"The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck =
"These Taste of Hen-crap" by H. Bowking Jr.
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 1999:
eq.1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Stipend =
Spend it.
RUDE CATEGORY, June 1999:
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Another satisfied customer =
Rotate inside her; Cum so fast.
LONG CATEGORY, June 1999:
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Confucius said, "To know that we know what we know, and that
we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge."
=
"To not know what we do know, and we know that we know that
we do not know;
Is that true knowledge?"
Confucius said, "WHAT?!?"
RUDE CATEGORY, July 1999:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Buster Hymen =
Enter my bush!
SPAM CATEGORY, July 1999:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Check this out! Too much fun!! Magic tricks, jokes, photos, recipes,
WAV's, and fun. A lot of fun. See me tie a necktie, one-handed,
in one second, blindfolded. Then, I tear up a newspaper and restore
it. I'll teach you magic. 1000 photos for wallpaper. Free slideshow
programs. A LOT of recipes. A ton of really cool helpful links
of all types.
=
We use spam to amuse us. I'll confess, I have loads of fun getting
cocky spam accounts killed off. Please remit an appropriate fee
($1000) ASAP to: Jon Gearhart's recent address -- no phone calls.
You'll be shipped out a hot, poop-like concoction within like
a week as reminder. Hurry! Don't elect to hold off or flinch --
the offer will end.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Imagine
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 1999:
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" =
A sardonic smile on an ol' diva.
RUDE CATEGORY, August 1999:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Erection? Thrust it on in. =
O, insert it into her cunt!
SPAM CATEGORY, August 1999:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
P.S. To be promptly removed from any future emails from us please
just "reply" to this message and type the single word
"remove" in either the subject field or in the message
text itself. It's that easy. And in most cases you will be removed
from future email lists within 24 hours!
This E-mail was sent by an independent marketing company and we
appologize for any inconvenience.
Under Bill S.1618 Title III passed by the 105th U.S. Congress
this E-mail can not be considered "spam" as long as
we offer you a no-cost way to remove your name and E-mail address
from our mailing list.
=
I wouldn't respond in if I were you, ninny; it's a pimpish way
dirty rotten 'closet' spammers in general test if they've reached
correct addresses on active e-mail accounts. Surprise!! You're
name is probably sold (fast) to umpteen master mailing lists.
Some hide behind the laws by giving you options to tell them to
delete your name. While it seems extremely logical and safe, some
superlosers (big net zeroes) make advantages of loopholes and
bombard countless men and women with juvenile, spam-type stuff.
They suffer. No fair! It's a sin!! I'm fumin' mad!!! -- Jon Gearhart
LONG CATEGORY, August 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
How doth
the little crocodile
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 1999:
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
A
Dream by Edgar Allan Poe
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 1999:
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Fire and Ice
by Robert Lee Frost
SPAM CATEGORY, September 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Unfortunately some of the email addresses in our list are hi jacked
and not posted by the owner. Please help us to clean up our in
house email list to avoid molesting people in the future.
=
Molest, eh? Rape, pillage, or plunder are one mean style. Aha,
he has thee unfortunate impression I am stupid. Note: I don't
repond well to vacuous, unsolicited e-stuff, ok ye jis-soiled
butthole?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 1999:
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Fidel Castro =
It's cold fear.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 1999:
eq.1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Song
by Edgar Allan Poe
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Hermaphrodite =
Adept him OR her.
SPAM CATEGORY, October 1999:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Please check us out for all you gift and shopping needs. =
(1) Slide the log up ass.
(2) Crap.
(3) Then go fondle a penis, you fuck!
RUDE CATEGORY, November 1999:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
=
Jack need quim?
Bet Jack be back.
He'd poke Jill's 'v' --
Jet cum in crack!
SPAM CATEGORY, November 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Everyone likes making easy money. This place pays you 50 cents
for every hour you browse the web!!! Get even more if you refer
people! I just got a check for $36.00!!!
=
Phooey! You're one heevee-geevee, screwy corpse-fucker!! Sorry
-- all you EVER get is $0.00, not to mention junk mail 365 times
per year. Oh, by the way -- FUCK OFF, PISS-BAG!!!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Jim Kalun =
Junk-mail.
RUDE CATEGORY, December 1999:
eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
"If you offered me a 69 this morning, I'd have been all over you."
Golfer SAM TORRANCE, BBC 2 =
Feel me come feverish if nibble at my sac, hard boner.
Tongue drool for your vagina.
SPAM CATEGORY, December 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Dear friend:
Please to Free Sex Links if you are over 21. There almost updata
everyday. A lot of adult pictures wait for you to download. I
will settle any pazzle under 24 hours when that server arise mistake.
=
Dear Lazy Fat-Ass,
Dude, I've enrolled you in the next "How to Write a Real
Letter" class, freakish spam-lover! Don't E-ver write me
a word until you pass -- I.E.: a far off year like 2421, stupid
putz!!
You're hated a ton, LOSER!!!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 1999:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
To the
Holy Spirit
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2000:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
South Carolina Republican Primary =
Bush popularity ran o'er liar McCain!
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, February 2000:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
America's Secret Police
Harassment groups in the United States have obtained advanced
surveillance equipment and non-lethal weapons. These groups do
illegal surveillance of the person they target and then attack
that person with non-lethal weapons. Men, women, and children
with mental conditions are primary targets for these groups but
a person's past history, current behavior, race, and sexual orientation
could also qualify them as a target. Please read about these groups
at the URL listed below. Nothing is for sale. If you have trouble
accessing the web site please email me. Sorry if you receive this
message more than once.
URL: http://ourworld.cs.com/soundweapon/
Thank you,
soundweapon@cs.com
=
Anagrammer's Secret Revenge Plan
Dear Soundweapon,
Hello there, nut! It's quite plain to see this is a passionate plea. All at Alt.Anagrams loved the post so much we're gonna share with the appropos internet provider. I'm sure you'd like us to keep them informed of these illegal activities. They'll probably be contacting to show appreciation, being sure to tell exactly what'll be done and showing how much this post means to them.
In case you're unsure, that's actual sarcasm, stupid fat-headed bastard. A few hours from now your LAN account should be gone, cunt-sinner--closed for service term violations.
Have a nice day!
enragedspamroasterschant@nooneherecares.nowpleaserunquietlyorgetnutscrushed.net
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, March 2000:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
"To be honest, the dating scene can be boring; lovers can
be disappointing; and sex less than stimulating. I want a man
who can keep up with my aroused state of mind and hot body.
You gota ckeck this out http://3519290983
I'm convinced that This may be the only way a man that wants me can get next to me."
Im so excited I just want to tell someone ! you will be to
!
http://3519290983
Thank you and have a GREAT Day
=
"The truth? I am one hideous beast. No man wanted to even take a chance dating me. That's why I've got a plan to entice men to go to my xxx-site to join with 99,999,988,553,333,221,100 naked taboo video cum shots (not actually me) and send snapshots containing them. Between my hairy back, ass, armpits, scabby cunt-patch, and generally butt-ugly self, I would send them away into hiding."
A hot tip: poke-a-twot.net
LONG CATEGORY, March 2000:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam
And the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
Home Home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
=
Oh show me a land where there's animals grand
And I'm sure to be one happy lad
Where every herd has this laddy allured
When goats start to lick the gonad
Moaned moaned and arranged
One goat to lick me all day-eee
While I'd much prefer a piece o' gal fur
Oh, I do see there's truly no way-eee!
(ho-dee-doh-doh)
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2000:
eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
"He required a breathalyser test." =
Larry Brash, quiet as he teetered...
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2000:
eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
Dr. Alex Comfort, author of "The Joy Of Sex" =
X-rated theme: Oral joy -- crux of shoot-off.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, April 2000:
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
-- > * D E A D L I N E * is this Sunday! < --
Start a proven home business within 72 hours using Microsoft's foolproof sales recipe for Internet success. Your exclusive report reveals how to get a *FREE* business building CD-ROM, TURN 50 cents into $50 with a click of a button, 5-page WebSite and *FREE* reprint and marketing rights to $1073.00 in software products! Don't miss the deadline!
For your *FREE* report:
Click Here:
mailto:xyz4044@21cn.com?subject=cdrom2000
-OR-
Send an email to xyz4044@21cn.com
with cdrom2000 as the subject.
P.S.
Act NOW! -- Only the first 75 requests will be granted to receive
this Special Report for *FREE*. Bonus report given to the first
35 people to respond within the next 24 Hours.
Your FREE Report request will be fulfilled in the order in which it was received... Thank you.
=
-- >* A T T E N T I O N* dickless spammers! < --
Send our required $777,555,544,440 in the next 24 hours or suffer strict consequences. BEWARE: If you didn't pick this fee, we'd have no choice but to strap you in a chair, forcing you to listen to Yoko Ono's Worst Songs [tautology?] 4,433,222,220,000,000 times, or 'til you tell us to rip your heart through an orifice we chose, ending the droll, senseless, suffering existence.
The first 5 hundred shrewd respondents will receive a coupon for 1 butt-wax from Bob R. McSchlect's House of Extracted Anal Hair 'N' Wart Removal.
There's STILL MORE!! The first 100,000 persistent jerk-off spammer twits that accept our offer will receive a BRAND NEW cod-scented, jizz-blob dripping, purple-veiny, erect nob probing deep inside their torn, raw rectums!!! Limit 1 per visit.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2000:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Online D'Zigns
Specialists In Web Page Graphic Design & Logo Development.
We Offer An Array Of Services To Fit Your Needs. Be It Business
Or Personal, We Can Design A Layout That Fits You. We Can Use
Your Design Ideas And Make Them Sing, Or If You Prefer, You Can
Have One Of Our Trained Professional Graphic Artists Work With
You To Capture The Feel You Are Looking For.
Whatever Your Needs, Online D'Zigns Will Fill Them To Your Satisfaction!
Look Through Our Web Site - Enjoy Yourself. If You Have Any Questions,
Please Feel Free To Contact Us And We'll Be Happy To Answer Them
All.
Please feel free to visit us at: http://www.sincity1.com/onlinedzigns
UZt?B
=
Hello To All Alt.Anagram Faithful!
Yes, I Capitalize All Words I Write 'Cause I'm One Super-Moron -- Yes, A Grossly Offensive Stupid Fucking Festered Zero, Not Fully Sure What Words Should Be Capitalized. Yes, In Fact, Don't Have Clue One How To Market Anyone's Services, So Of Course You're Fully Aware I Don't Even Know How To Finish Laying Out A Web Page. You Realize I Just Want Your Card Number So I Can Use It Getting Off On Every Pornography Page I Find On This Planet. Yes, Ann, I Confess I Won't Go Away Until I Get It, So Please, Offer Me Endless Help. Take Pity On These Pathetic Wretch Requests Soon. Right Now If Possible. I'd Be Forever In Your Generous Debt.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2000:
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
The United States Olympian Michael Johnson repeats as the 400-meter dash champion =
Athlete steals 400 second time? Ahh... poetry in motion. Perhaps he's just a damn machine!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2000:
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
The
Land of Beyond
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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