Anagrammy Placings by Larry Brash
All the highly-placed anagrams by Larry Brash from the Anagrammy Awards.
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
PC-Super-Advertiser =
Disc up arse, pervert.
NAME CATEGORY, April 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Bjoern Yngve Eidsvik =
Joke: virgins envy bed.
SPAM CATEGORY, May 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
This is a completely legitimate money-making phenomenon. =
Oh! He emit illegal, money-costing spam! I'm inept - money taken!
NAME CATEGORY, May 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
President Suharto =
Disaster up throne.
RUDE CATEGORY, June 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum =
A virgo intacta and a mum? Presume a lie!
RUDE CATEGORY, June 1998:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Viagra - impotency drug =
God! Pure vagina city, Mr!!
LONG CATEGORY, June 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?
=
Is a befitting quote from one of Shakespeare's greatest tragedies.
But why won't Hamlet's inspiring motto toss our stubborn hero's
tortuous battle for life, on one hand, and death, on another?
NAME CATEGORY, June 1998:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
Diana, The Princess of Wales =
Elton's idea is crap. He fawns.
NAME CATEGORY, June 1998:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services =
No crashes and not equaled. Airliner never errs. Try it!
GENERAL CATEGORY, July 1998:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
An atheist support group is a non-prophet organization =
Zoroastrian priests are appointing nun to hug. Hop atop!
SPAM CATEGORY, July 1998:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
THIS REALLY CAN MAKE YOU EASY MONEY! =
You nearly steal my cash. Aye, mine, OK?
LONG CATEGORY, July 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Fellow of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists =
Why call? We all feel satisfied Prozac is not all that dangerous
for anyone.
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Religion is the opium of the masses =
Sometimes, if theologian is pusher.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare =
Hamlet, Othello, Caesar irk. We skip few poems.
RUDE CATEGORY, August 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Coitus interruptus =
Cunt user rips it out!
LONG CATEGORY, August 1998:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders =
Information circulated to assign mad, sad and ill states.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, August 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
William Tunstall-Pedoe wrote Anagram Genius =
A program will use names to untangle ideal wit.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Worldwide Church of God =
Which drug fooled crowd?
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, August 1998:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Priapism is a sustained erection =
Penis remained up. O, it's at a crisis!
Pause sins. Medication repairs it.
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Sexual Reassignment Surgery =
Man returns as sexy girl, e.g. "Sue".
RUDE CATEGORY, September 1998:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination." =
No homo ass bandits allowed in, man! I wank it in mouth. I think with it! Ta!
SPAM CATEGORY, September 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Make five dollars into thousands; it's easy!! =
He'd earn us vast millions? Say it to sod: "Fake!"
LONG CATEGORY, September 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
"A picture had better be worth a thousand words - it takes up more disk space." =
Did Shakespeare author this absurd utterance? Top-rated post, Mick. We bow.
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Hail Mary, full of grace; the Lord is with thee =
The Holy Ghost laid her? Artful miracle, wife!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
And they lived happily ever after =
Help end the very vapid fairy tale.
RUDE CATEGORY, October 1998:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Frank Scott Leshoguine =
Rotten fucking asshole!
SPAM CATEGORY, October 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
You can do it! It's so easy! =
I say it's a con! Out, ye sod!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Coors Brewing Co., Golden, Colorado =
God's own organic beer. Cool or cold?
SPAM CATEGORY, November 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
"Look at this. This may be the most significant letter you receive this year!!" =
"Hi, these scams are not legal, you shitty trickster. Ye be a thief. I vomit on it!"
LONG CATEGORY, November 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
=
We hobby anagrammatists in alt.anagrams love to reorder big words
into the weighty embedded gem. He vet silly bullshit, eh?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 1998:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
President Nelson Mandela =
A lone splendid man enters.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Sexey's School for Boys, Bruton =
Only for boys? Scour both sexes.
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, November 1998:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
I think you are totally out of your league. You shouldn't say stuff like that. You should STOP IT!! =
Yuk, get out, you opinionated shit-head! Truthfully, you're a total fool. You slothful ass. It's yuk!!
Post your dud shit on another site, you ugly asshole. You talk like a fool. Youthful fatuity! Tut!
Piss off thusly, you troglodyte! Australians, like I, hate you! You talk the fool! Out, you nut! Thud!!
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Alzheimer's Disease =
I realized he's a mess.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Handel's Messiah =
Ah, shameless din!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 1998:
1st - Larry Brash with:
TIME's "Men of the Year" =
They met; remain foes.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 1998:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
National Geographic =
Gaining a clear photo.
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, December 1998:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" =
Ah! Three transvestites flounced or feel piqued.
Three poofters dressed in aqua. Nut left vehicle.
Three antique poofters have dressed in full, etc....
SPAM CATEGORY, January 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
For your copy please send an email to =
Your spam is crap! Fool anyone? Delete!
LONG CATEGORY, January 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Awardsmaster's Choice Award for Best Anagrammatist of the Year =
We fete Richard A. Brodie, as cast as a most worthy, fast anagrammer.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 1999:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Rumpole of the Bailey =
Pomeroy. The bail fuel.
RUDE CATEGORY, February 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Coitus interruptus =
Cunt users rip it out!
SPAM CATEGORY, February 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Turn your computer into a 24 hr. a day cash machine!! =
A rich spammer (a nut), 24; I hurry to con and cheat you.
LONG CATEGORY, February 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou
amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy
Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour
of our death. Amen. =
Immaculate and pregnant? Horror! She's deluded about her abdominal
mass. Whose fetus? From where? Your Jewish boyfriend's flesh got
you in the family way, not Mr Ghost! That HRT tale of hers don't
fool us.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. =
Tony's sham tribute - "Ciao, ciao, Emperor!"
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 1999:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Palomar Observatory =
A vapor? Lo, embryo star!
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, March 1999:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Rumpole of the Bailey =
Poetry? O! I'm baleful, eh?
Your plea? Oh, let me fib!
Pomeroy. The bail fuel.
RUDE CATEGORY, April 1999:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Pork scratchings =
Pigs' rank crotchs.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 1999:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Lee Harvey Oswald =
Lay overhead. Slew!
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
National Masturbation Day =
A damnation? It's natural, boy.
SPAM CATEGORY, May 1999:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Home schooling (guitar, computer music) over the Internet =
I contrive to circle more spamming throughout Usenet, eh?
LONG CATEGORY, May 1999:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Ya know, I wouldn't mind having an insect flying into my
ear. Its tortured screeches and last-minutes-of-its-life buzzing
might - for a while - drown out these goddamned voices in my head..."
=
This is a clever new way to get rid of auditory hallucinations.
A fizzing bug, in its death throes, stuck down in my own lug hole
mends; achieves its aim of ending my torment. Dr. F. N. Eden M.D.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, May 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Florence Nightingale =
Angel of the reclining.
SPAM CATEGORY, June 1999:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Take few minutes to read it through and it will change your life only followed some simple instructions! =
Hi, we anagram you fucking online spammers finely. Crud? We don't delete it. Hell, it is worth lots of toil to us.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Milosevic =
'Cos I'm evil.
RUDE CATEGORY, July 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Arseholes =
He's a loser.
SPAM CATEGORY, July 1999:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Super Powerful & Fast Online Searching Tool! =
Shun us! We'll rearrange off-topic post; no lie!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, July 1999:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
John Michael Keis =
Inhale jism? Choke!
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 1999:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Procrastination =
No-action trap, sir.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Three Stooges: Larry, Curly and Moe =
Actors? Lord, they're an ugly threesome!
RUDE CATEGORY, August 1999:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
¡¡¡LA MAS ESPECTACULAR FIESTA!!! =
SPAM ALERT! IS ACTUAL FAECES!
SPAM CATEGORY, August 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Go to the web site, and you can earn some commission. =
Stooge, I end with no money, because its a moron scam.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
"If Mama Cass had shared her fateful ham sandwich with Karen Carpenter? Perhaps they'd both still be alive today." =
A performer with bulimia nervosa killed by a hard fast and a fat artiste's death: chewed meat. Shhh... can psych help?
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Medicinal marijuana =
A cure? I'm in a damn jail.
LONG CATEGORY, September 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair auburn? - Artificial intelligence... =
If I change her yellow curls to a red, I would double her ability? Ah, I can't, Anna!
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, September 1999:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Drug Enforcement Administration =
Torture and Demonism interfacing.
O, significant rotten man murdered.
Farm addiction rogues: Internment!
RUDE CATEGORY, October 1999:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Old El Paso" =
Ladles poo.
SPAM CATEGORY, October 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Here's A great place to find everything you need for business and Christmas. =
Send in cash? Gad! Get your very shit-brained spam off Usenet, arsehole-cretin.
LONG CATEGORY, October 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Please check us out for all you gift and shopping needs. We carry
things from adventure trips, art, lodging, gifts, furniture, golf,
cosmetics, herbs and vitamins and much, much more.
=
I'm another bloody uncaring spammer who posts her fucking fraud
to alt.anagrams. I spend lots of hectic hours spamming Usenet.
I sell defective crud, frigging defunct TV's. Hurry!
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Anagramming is a waste of fucking time =
We are kings of magic mutatings. I'm a fan.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, November 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The London Planetarium =
Earthmen, I land on Pluto.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 1999:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
I love cats. They taste just like chicken. =
I ate those juicy kittens? Heck! Call vets!
RUDE CATEGORY, December 1999:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Aribu Publication Enterprises =
Lubricate penis. Put biro in arse.
LONG CATEGORY, December 1999:
1st - Larry Brash with:
On the Twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
=
I've anagrammed:
Twenty-three assorted birds (no wrens),
Seventeen attractive, if slim, young women (all giggling virgins),
Twenty-three amplified musicians ("The Mime Prodigies"),
Ten lavish upper-class gentlemen (all mad springing freaks),
Five pure gold rings for a hand (no lead),
And even eight cows (real mixed-up herd).
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 1999:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Graeme Stirling =
Girlie garments.
SPAM CATEGORY, January 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
GET YOUR OWN 5 MEG WEBSITE FOR ONLY $11.95 PER MONTH TODAY! =
WHY BET $511.95? YOU DIRTY ROTTEN SPAMMER! NOW GO! GO ON! FLEE!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, January 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Thomas Alva Edison =
Aha! Ions made volts!
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Does a Scotsman wear anything under his kilt? =
Din not know, Mr. Huge testicles and a hairy ass?
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, February 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Hace unos días que estoy buscando la forma de ganar dinero
extra en Internet, recorriendo grupos de noticias,tablones, avisos
clasificados...
=
O no! This is a spam in every language. Trite fools in a lot
of countries send us idiotic dross or coed babe and queer sex
ads or an arcane cancer ad.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, March 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras =
G'day, transgendered? By analysis, a him.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Bayerische Motoren Werke =
Yes, newer car, motorbike, eh?
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, March 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An erection =
No nicer eat.
One certain.
Neater icon.
Nice, ornate.
Onan recite.
Are not nice.
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Gastroenterologist =
I let go torrents o' gas.
SPAM CATEGORY, April 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
For only $16.00 US dollars, we will send you the material you
need to do this legally.
=
Well, girl, I sent you lolly ($A1600) and you sent me a turd.
So, where's the folio, old lady?
LONG CATEGORY, April 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists Congress
=
Electrotherapy and drug fans now ignore Classical Analysis zealots.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Legionella from the Melbourne Aquarium =
Queue here for abnormal lung. O, I'm ill, mate.
SPAM CATEGORY, May 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
You can earn $50,000 or more in the next 90 days sending e-mail.
Seem impossible? Read on for details.
=
Dear friends,
I lost all my money, i.e. exceeding $9,500,000, on this one spam.
I am one true-born sad-arse.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, May 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Friend,
Today, I became a Member of one of the most amazing sites on the Net, TargetShop.com. It's a vast consumer community which will soon offer its Members substantial discounts on merchandise, as well as other services such as reviews, chat, on-line shopping, and a consumer search engine.
They also have a referral program that gives out cash bonuses which are payable in cash or can be applied to the purchase of the company's stock (when and if they complete an IPO)!
Would you help me reach my goal of $7500 commission by registering for FREE Membership? Just go to http://www.targetshop.com/default.asp? refId=1031386, (my referral number is 1031386) and type in my referral number.
Once you register, you will also be eligible for commission any time one of your friends registers for Membership. If you and your friends register by May 31st, you will be eligible for the Easter Bonus which pays $37.50 for every referral up to 200 referrals! Thanks, and good luck with the Easter Bonus Program!
Take care,
Your friend.
=
Dear Sucker,
I'm Larry.
I plan to con you with another Make-Me-Rich and You-Get-Poorer Internet scams. You have to be really stupid to be conned by this type of bullshit nonsense, however, there are lots of half-wits, like you, who will actually be taken in and part with your hard earned money.
Because I'm a victim of this crumby scam myself, I'll now get you caught in the same web of deceit that fooled me. I'm no genius myself, but I feel you're more stupid than me and will easily get ripped off.
I have lost $1,058,700, so far, since 1st March 2000 and need to con 3173 fools at $335 per fool or, perhaps, 1681 morons at $633 per moron, to get into profit again.
If you see this and murmur "this seems a very good idea for some spare cash", you're just the lame-brain for me and one of my glib scams.
The cash balance is soon zero ($0). Bereft of crisis reserves, suffering occurs, as spam brings grief, worry. Wife bashing happens (grrr!), hashish abuse appears, hemp charges, more crime (robbery), herpes germs infect the genital members (grrr!).
www.e-currency.cons
SPAM CATEGORY, June 2000:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
GET $10,000 WITH ONLY 6 BUCKS!!! THIS IS NOT A SCAM!!! =
This baloney sucks! I want $10. Might cost, $6,000.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, June 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Srew the atispammers, We Beat them all.
Hi My name is Sam were are spammers. We can set u up so u can
spam your heart out.
We have bullet proff servers, bullet proff list, and bulllet proff
hosting.
Just call us at 323 874 4647, or fax us at 323 512 4950
or email us at info@bulkisp.nu
or go to our web page http://www.bulkisp.nu
Nobody can stop us we got it down.
Don't worry about the atispammers there is nothing they can do.
Call me I will give you all the secrets.
Sam
PS Believe we are are protected nothing can hurt us or you.
=
I'm the worst speller on the Internet. I miss out a few letters, use capitals wrongly, and got the spelling completely wrong. My punctuation's bad, too.
I'm also a bloody arrogant little bastard who believes that it's cool to spam and break the law.
If you visit our ace webpage, you'll see... um... um... we have been revoked!! Horror! I am shut off! With just a spam? It sux!
PS. What an unacceptable scam! Feel such embarrassment! Our youthful errors! If we appear untruthful, spurn us bums.
PPS. We were wrong.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do
for you, ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens
of the world, ask not what America will do for you, but what together
we can do for the Freedom of Man.
=
A youthful, affluent Kennedy, on accession, he asks aloud: we,
both domestic and world communities, try to look for a way to
unify for the Common Good of All, rather than worry away at your
cozy corner of the turf.
www.award.com
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Harley Davidson Motorcycles =
Very costly old road machines.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
And
Did Those Feet in Ancient Time
SPAM CATEGORY, July 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
A hidden camera follows the prom queen and her date back to their
motel room. You get to see it all! =
ALERT!! (Read me!):
Abandon hope all ye who enter here! It's rot, a load of old shit
etc! Get me out quick, Mom!
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, July 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
20 YEAR OLD HEALTH, NUTRITION AND WEIGHT LOSS CONTROL COMPANY
IS LOOKING FOR 500 PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO WILL GET
PAID $$$ TO LOSE UP TO 30 POUNDS IN THE NEXT 30 DAYS, GUARANTEED!!!
OUR PRODUCTS ARE ALL NATURAL, DOCTOR RECOMENDED AND GUARANTEED!!!
WE OFFER FREE SAMPLES!!
=
ALL YOU POOR FAT IDIOTS, GATHER AROUND. PREPARE TO LOSE $3,200 - $35,000 AND NOT ONE OUNCE OF LARD WITH THIS FUCKING SPAM PLAN. ITS ALL SOME SPAMMER'S GREED. DON'T GET CONNED.
TRY REGULAR EXERCISE. AVOID FATTY FOOD. ADHERE TO THE NO-ALCOHOL, NO-DOPE, LOW-LARD RULE.
URL: WWW.END-PULLER.NET
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, July 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
=
Big cat, might of Asian lair.
Big feet thud; they seem so rare.
Grrr! Men hunt now, grim, deft.
Hurry, only thirty of them left.
SPAM CATEGORY, August 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
I APOLOGIZE TO ALL THAT RECIEVED MY COMMERCIAL POSTING YESTERDAY,
I TRULY MADE AN ERROR WITH MY POSTING SOFTWARE. IM SORRY =
Regret? O, I'm lying. I really meant to send it. I'm a low-life,
depraved, crazy spammer who scams, too. Priority? I try to get
your cash.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The quality of mercy is not strained,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath.
=
The quote from The Bard's "The Merchant of Venice".
Portia's entreating:
"Hey! Listen up, I appeal; end thy loan".
SPAM CATEGORY, September 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
EASY money, receive e-mail, and get paid, about 40$ for month:
MORE INFO:
http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/id/1312720
=
The definition of Spam? Greasy canned meat? No more! A money remover!
Do I.O.U. $131,272,400?
http://www.idle-fib.com/
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, September 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Hello everybody,
I offer you to start earning money today only by reading your email. Maybe it looks imposibile but it is not, 'cause you know how much money is spent by large companies to promote something and emails you'll recive are just sent to promote large companies and their products. Each message will contain one usefull link which should be clicked to add money to your account. The check is delivered to your adress every month.
Click.. http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/id/1259720
to sign up..
=
I suspected when I read this something was unreal or wrong with it, but no, I ignored my gut feelings and tried it out. Oh, boy, my big silly mistake!
I checked out the cool websites like it says. They must have had some powerful software to read my hard drive and soon stole our credit card numbers. No crap!
You have no conception of my silly, silly, behaviour! Audited? O, I am completely broke! I must accept my money's gone. No cool jackpot! O, no more! No 1,259,720 pence! No - none!
are-completely-silly@unlucky.com
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Bronte Sisters, Anne, Charlotte and Emily =
Celebrate many stories set in the North land.
SPAM CATEGORY, October 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
WARNING: IF YOU ARE DRINKING DIET SODAS WHICH CONTAIN ASPARTAME
OR USING SUGAR-FREE PRODUCTS - READ THIS!!
=
Dear fat-ass, don't spam us again with your weirdo untrue crap,
regarding Coke and/or Irish gins, etc. Finish!
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Parliamentarian =
I am a plain ranter.
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Missionary Position =
Say, I insist I'm on top o' her.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, November 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
21,000+ XXX Channels, 500,000+ Thumbnail Photos, 17,000+ Sex Stories
Text Format, 300+ Audio Sex Stories, 100+ Web Cams (Shower, Dressing
Room, Clinic, Pee Cam), Adult Chat Rooms, 100+ XXX Screen Savers,
5000+ Mini Movies, 300 Sex Games, 10,500 Celebrity, 400+ Celebrity
Mimi Movies, LIVE SEX SHOWS, Adult Classified Area, FREE Smut
Cards By Email, Dating Services, Voyeur Area, Models Of The World,
Redhead Pussy Area, Pamela Anderson Area With The Movies &
Pixs, EroticaWorld, Alexis St. James Area, Jokes/Puzzles.
=
Overview:
A mecca of:
200 goofy paraphiliacs,
100 crummy child molesters in VWs,
100 exhibitionists dressed just in jocks,
500 sexually regressive arse examiners,
100 ex-anorexic swamp goat/llama lovers,
500 men who xerox their arses (expelled adulterers),
400 ex-midwife lesbians (hermaphrodites),
300 sex device addicts (also shoes fetish zealots),
700 extreme onanists,
300 Durex users,
100 closet bum-bandits,
500 sodomite vicars (amaze a pew),
& exactly 1000 masturbaters.
ima_ram@yahoo.com
LONG CATEGORY, November 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
=
A pronouncement in Rome's forum: Tony says, "You listen here!
Bar democratic admirers!"
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
I'm a bastard Aussie bitch,
I love to bang all day.
Later, try pet her dirty cunt.
Oz gentlemen cheer "hip hooray!"
SPAM CATEGORY, December 2000:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Does Financial Freedom Interest You? =
O, it's a scam, you indolent reefer-fiend.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, December 2000:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Save £££'s on home and car insurance.
Online instant quotes. Instant cover, Monthly payments available
suject to status.
Visit www.network-2000concepts.org.uk and start saving money today
=
Wanna blast? Want £2000 total ?
Hi, I'm just a rotten nasty spammer who'll con you.
I use quite sneaky vows, very potent credit card (Visa) con tricks,
vast guano investment, and nonsense goat cons.
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, December 2000:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The carol singers =
Choir angels rest.
Girls reach notes.
Her song, it's clear.
Single orchestra.
Clots rehearsing.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Evangelical fundamentalists =
Evil damn fanatics! Gee, all nuts!
SPAM CATEGORY, January 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
NEED MONEY... FAST?? PLEASE READ THIS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE
=
Fee? None? Oh, you nasty little spam-sender. Go ahead - shove
it!
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, January 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
ARE YOU READY TO GET $40,000 IN 6 WEEKS WITH ONLY 6 BUCKS!!??
THIS IS REAL AND ITS UNBELIEVABLE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU CAN MAKE
IN SUCH A SHORT TIME
GIVE THIS A TRY...PLEASE READ THE STEPS... IF YOU LIKE MONEY AND
WANT TO GET RICH FAST... THIS REALLY WORKS YOU DONT HAVE MUCH
TO LOSE... BUT ALOT TO GAIN... I PROMICE
=
Yeah?
Bull!
This is how to really make money!
Attend the high school for 6 years.
Move to university for another 4 years.
Maybe with some postgraduate training (Ph.D.?)
Duly obtain a position.
Make $60,000 initially.
Work consistently, week in week out.
Budget.
Accumulate.
Thus, achieve success.
LONG CATEGORY, January 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
As boringly and tediously expected, the previous, and other posts,
anti-Gates: *rave*, on PC? (i.e. mentally ill)
= Netscape Navigator (strangely......)
as we have yawned at so often on "anal arts mag"
= alt.(dreary) anagrams for the cretinous. Anal fixation, the
lowest form of human life.
Is there an adult on this group? or anyone who has learnt to control
their bowels?
Strangely, Brodie ="I *bored*"......Richard G = "Rich *drag*" (! the latter, certainly true)
=
Relax!
Cybercougar - what he's called is a "troll"
A troll is a boring idiot who invades an alt newsgroup. The aim is fomenting anger, horror, and pure fear. They love to abuse regulars with their off-topic posts and arrogant rants. They haunt, rave maniacally and drone on; they deliberately start nasty flame wars, and generally act complete and utter arseholes.
This one's no exception.
Give this goofy retard no attention.
SPAM CATEGORY, February 2001:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
HOW TO TURN $6 INTO $6,000!! OR MUCH MORE!! =
Her motor-mouth in court now.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, February 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!
PIANO OWNERS - we offer a patented device that sits on your piano keyboard and allows you to play the piano immediately!!
For more detailed information click pianostick@excite.com type more info in the subject line! If we have reached you in error and you would like to be removed from our mailing list collinsus.com
=
Fuck me dead! You're a fool! What a load of old crap!
I believe it takes years to learn how to play piano, never in
six minutes with some silly gimmick.
First, will it teach me how to read music? No, stupid.
Let you learn tempo (i.e. be on cue)? Sorry, no, you dill!
Play Beethoven's Concerto in B Major in one day? Can it cope?
No, I feel it is an error, moron!
I'd be fucked if it did.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Once
more unto the breach, dear friends, once more
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, February 2001:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
Antonio Stradivarius of Cremona, Italy =
Famous or rare violins in an attic today?
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, February 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Five reasons why I ought to win the Set Category in the Anagrammy Awards =
One: I've near most of the swag. I'm wanting to try share with a heady, saucy RG.
Two: I am an utter narcissist and I want fame everywhere. Yo, go shag thy hog!
Three: I'm an anagram genius. Why vote for it? I say "Great codes", now that's why.
Four: I organise the show, that's why. More aggrandisement etc. Vanity away!
Five: Why? I'm a great guy, that's why. Modest, too. Arrogant ass! Hence, I earn win.
SPAM CATEGORY, March 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Consolidate all your Bills into One Monthly Payment
Slash you credit card interest rates down to zero =
More bloody rancorous spam! Who'll end it?
Today's latest count is another ninety trillion deletes. Crazy!
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, March 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Make Your Money Work For You!
Knowledge is the key to any successful financial venture.
Whether you are looking for an early retirement, need information on wealth creation and preservation, or you are simply looking for a career opportunity...
We can teach you!
Our representatives focus on pointing you in the right direction to achieve financial goals beyond your wildest dreams!!!
Don't wait another day!
For more information (Click Reply) with your name, address and telephone number.
You will be contacted shortly!
=
We have found a great way to con money from a large number of poor, lonely, old men in need of a nice fuck.
We churn out priority emails, like this one, to get you interested. Our randy, very attractive, female interviewers drop in for a nice chat, prior to their most stimulating sales pitch. Boy, you'll see what I mean.
They concentrate upon your personal "indoor needs". If you're sucked in, into any old con trick, ready to sign on, look for your "union" payment. We now go in for the kill.
We take away your nice hard-earned cash.
Larry Brash
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, March 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Sin, my heavenly violet jewel,
Your arse stinks like a Pole.
My nuts get twisted deep in
Your red-hot and smelly hole.
LONG SPAM CATEGORY, April 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
HELP PEOPLE LOSE 10 TO 30 INCHES AN HOUR GUARANTEED!
Our Body Wrap has done just that, over 4 million times during the past 30 years. The public demand for this product has been overwhelming! Our customers get excited when they can fit into jeans, that just an hour before, they had to lay down to zip up. They usually tell their friends, neighbors, family and anyone else who will listen all about our great Body Wrap and the great results! Customers start telling others and we end up with a lot of referrals.
=
Here, in short, is a total untruth, but a great way to rip off worn-out fat bastards. We can sell these flabby-arsed horrors plastic sandwich wrap, which we give a scientific-sounding name, for example, Lardeluene-304.
Each hour, you should aim to yield up to, at least, thirty (30) elephant impostors, or ten (10) jumbo-sized greedy guts, and nine unnaturally well-upholstered endomorphs. The bigger the jelly-bellies are, then the more wrap they need. Just head out to the shops and get ten rolls of vinyl. Don't run out!
LONG CATEGORY, April 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Two
households, both alike in dignity
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Medical Profession =
Fine doctors please him.
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
A big well hung stud =
Wild lust. Huge bang.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory is a unique
test designed specifically for the pre-transitional Male-to-Female
gender dysphoric person. The first comprehensive gender dysphoria
test. COGIATI was designed to help in the assessment of an individual
to determine what further management can be undertaken. COGIATI
has been created to help the individual understand what their
gender issues mean, and provides suggestions on what to do about
them.
=
This multiple-choice test is to assess if you should change
in sex from a man to a woman.
Always tend to be a bit girly in brain function?
Hated rough and tumble games?
Played in dresses with the girls in school?
Preferred nighties and skirts to trousers?
Ever treated as a queen?
Ever piddled seated?
Wanted different chromosomes?
Hate your penis?
Need it?
Tempting idea to chop it?
Needing estrogen?
Envied her nice pudendum?
That innate need: having nice tits and a vagina.
Try and pretend.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Stockholm, Sweden =
Cold weeks, months.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED
MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! 1st 20 BE ORDAINED NOW!
As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!!
WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!
Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE
SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
FUNERALS
A very hard time for you and your family
Don't settle for a minister you don't know!!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE
SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
BAPTISMS
You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER
AND YOUR UNCLE!!"
What a special way to welcome a child of God.
FORGIVENESS OF SINS
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for
centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and
willingness to change for the better!!
VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in
need!!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock.
WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!!
At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.
Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.
For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL.
(CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!!
3. SHIPPING IS FREE!!!
=
Larry Brash, Awardsmaster of the Anagrammy Website, will transform you into an award winning anagrammer in 2 hours, not 2 days or 2 months!
As a worthy practitioner of this ancient art, you will soon be creating terrific new rearrangements of everything from simple words through to huge bodies of verse, such as the Complete Works of William Shakespeare.
Surprise your friends! Realize your worth! Get your true recognition. Be a terrific success! Get that promotion at work! Become a red hot lover! See dotty women fight over you!
You can win every category yet, yes, all 9 of them, on your first attempt!
GENERAL
Create beautiful fun cognate gems of 10 letters or less, one that
nobody, not even Treesong will find in his archives, even going
back to 1893. No corrections!
ENTERTAINMENT
Your terrific efforts crucify Mey Kraus's clever art critic 'grams.
By now, he seems quite a total Philistine.
TOPICAL
Tom Myers is now completely chronic, Yesterday City, too out of
date, at least 1992 or longer, after you get through with him.
RUDE
Be more disgusting than David Bourke, criticising idiotic fruity
poofters and insulting women's genitalia with every winner. Concoct
erotic, dirty, itchy-crotch, orifice-fornicating shit.
SPAM
Oh, boy! Turn those unwanted corny advertising cons and horrifying
Get-Rich-Now schemes into nice nutritious spamagrams.
LONG
If it is 40 letters or 1000 letters, it will make no difference,
you will astound even Richard Brodie.
PEOPLE AND OTHER NAMES
Coy Ms. Burholt will eat her heart out, too, when she sees the
efficient concoctions that you could come up with here in these
two categories.
SPECIAL
Now this is where you will really outshine the rest. Come first!
Mike Keith and Richard Grantham, they are a choice pair of buffoonish
semi-literate fools compared to you.
This offer is genuine. No hidden conditions.
How do I do it? Do you have to pay up before I can give you the forty or fifty scientific secrets, which I hold?
What would you consider this would cost? Is this $5000? $850? $50? $10?
No! It's FREE!
Read the FAQ!
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Ladies' underpanties =
Splendid arse, Auntie!
SPAM CATEGORY, June 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Thousands have enlarged their penis 3-5 inches in only weeks using
Kl Maximum.
Our Penis Enlargement program has been medically proven, safe, and natural method of penis enlargement which can be done in the privacy of your own home in a short period of time.
FINALLY!!! No Pumps, No Surgery, No Chemicals, No Pills to take! No Harsh Stimulants, No Medications or Supplements. This is 100% all natural!! These are a series of developmental routines you do yourself with our instructions and are tested, and proven effective.
Over 175,000 Satisfied Customers! Laboratory Tested 100% Safe Guaranteed Results **You will Receive a Full Refund if Results are not Achieved!!!***
Using Our Techniques You Will Learn: How to please your Lover, Last longer In Bed, And Of course Enlarge your penis in inches AND thickness in just 2 weeks!
=
Here is how we do it.
Come to our offices, enrol, undress.
Our 1000 staff have a big laugh at your useless puny penis.
We secure you into our patented Penis Lengthening Machine with you lying, helpless, face down, your small piddler's dangling limply towards the ground. A 20,000 pound mass is evenly tied to your microscopic piece of manhood, You're raised off the ground until that miserable phallus starts to stretch.
Soon, you're the proud owner of a real 13 -15 inch sensual love stick, a real lean machine. It seems darned impressive.
OK, it hurt quite a bit at first, but after only several hours (57), the sensual penile nerves are permanently stuffed in a terminal manner. No more pain occurs.
Alas, it has no function, none. Fuck all. Sex is a never never. No hardons, none, not even wanking. Semenless, jism deliveries are killed.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Twelve Signs of the Zodiac: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer,
Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius,
and Pisces.
=
Astrologer crews' idiotic crisis advice is amazing! Each star's
arrival brings us, eight percent of a population, a unique course?
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Accident-proneness - Psychopathological Theory. Mythology or reality?
W. K. Dunbar (1900-59) found that 500 people who had more than one work accident were more likely, statistically, to experience another one than those who never had accidents. Other early research, with outmoded methodology, showed why some people are more prone toward this than others (D. W. Wood, 1930).
Tom Woulf looked at why the "accident-prone person" often was foolhardy, impulsive, drawn to adventure, thrill seeking and excitement. Woulf proved that "he is often in search of immediate pleasure, and was rarely able to postpone gratification".... "He does not know how to look ahead, follow a plan and often harbours projection or strong resentment against authority figures" (Woulf, 1950). This rebellion, one response to strict upbringing in mid-childhood, is "likely to stem from punitive parenting, too" (Don Poweth, 1990): "He grows up being thwarted, unable to tolerate discipline, not even when that self-discipline is required for one's own safety". His inner rules and failed self-control provoke him to "a powerful fight-flight reaction" (Woulf).
Many studies (P. Meek; B. Welpe; V. Mupa; L. Hoi) with a badly designed methodology, demonstrated that most, if not all, accidents are unconsciously intended. In other words, many of these accidents were "undoubtedly a form of acting out" (Meek). The most frequent underlying negative motive might be "guilt, a death-wish or guilt-related self-punitive rage" (Woulf) The physical injury, psychological suffering, low mood, general discomfort and inconvenience, brought about by the accident, are experienced as punishment and will relieve the guilt feeling, at least temporarily (D. B. Wooten, 1923). That type of defence may be interpreted as the primary gain. The secondary gain may be the need to avoid responsibility or work, to be looked after, to obtain money or profit, or just to get attention from other people.
Woulf and Wood both recommended psychotherapy as the preferred treatment method, but, as yet, there is no good thoughtful study to confirm the benefit of these attempts.
=
My insurance company asked me for more information regarding my work related accident claim. This was my response:
"I can explain why I put down 'poor planning' as the main cause of my accident.
I was working on the top of a 190-foot tower. I had just completed my work, when I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of assorted tools. Rather than carry all of them back down by hand, I decided to lower these items using a pulley. Securing a rope at ground level, I went to the very top of the tower and then loaded the tools into a small barrow. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will note in question 19 of the accident report that I weigh 159 pounds.
Due to my complete surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 95-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until my fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. I regained my presence of mind and I was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in question 19.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 95-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. That encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools, so only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 190 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope..."
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Impressionist painter, Claude Monet =
He attempts intense colour. I am inspired.
SPAM CATEGORY, July 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Network Solutions - a Verisign Company =
Look, sinners, you can view rotting spam!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Dear Friend:
Find solutions to all your daily problems and life's challenges at the click of a mouse button?
We have the answers you're looking for on The Word Bible CD-ROM it is one of the most powerful, life-changing tools available today and it's easy to use.
On one CD, (Windows or Macintosh versions) you have a complete library of Bibles, well known reference books and study tools. You can view several Bible versions simultaneously, make personal notes, print scriptures and search by word, phrase or topic.
The Word Bible CD offers are simply amazing.
The wide range of resources on the CD are valued at over $1500 if purchased separately.
** 14 English Bible Versions
** 32 Foreign Language Versions
** 9 Original Language Versions
** Homeschool Resource Index
** 17 Notes & Commentaries
** Colorful Maps, Illustrations, & Graphs
** Step-by-Step Tutorial
** Fast & Powerful Word/Phrase Search
** More than 660,000 cross references
** Complete Manual With Index
Also:
** Build a strong foundation for dynamic Bible Study,
** Make personal notes directly into your computer,
** Create links to favorite scriptures and books.
Try it. No Risk. 30-day money-back guarantee [excluding shipping & handling]
If you are interested in complete information on The Word CD, please visit our Web site: http://vortexwebzone.com/ppc2/index.htm
US and International orders accepted. Credit cards and personal checks accepted.
If your browser won't load the Web site please click the link below to send us an e-mail and we will provide you more information.
mailto:biblecd2001@netscape.net?subject=Please-email-Bible-info
Your relationship with God is the foundation of your life -- on earth and for eternity. It's the most important relationship you'll ever enjoy. Build your relationship with God so you can reap the life-changing benefits only He can provide: unconditional love; eternal life; financial and emotional strength; health; and solutions to every problem or challenge you'll ever face.
May God Bless You,
GGII Ministries, 160 White Pines Dr., Alpharetta Ga, 30004
E-mail address: biblecd2001@netscape.net
Phone: 770-343-9724 Fax 770-772-9925
=
Dear Disciple of the Evil One,
Get your copy of "The Best of the Witches' Evil Spells" CD-ROM from Satanic Software, out now for every evil crone, intern wizard and occult practitioner, associate or pupil.
Create special spells to put a hex upon your enemies. Impress your business associates. Use your own initiative to become an ace expert in any black magic, Voodoo, sorcery, witchcraft, necromancy, devil worship, demonology, vampires, spirit possession, goblins, and pixies at the bottom of our garden.
The CD contains an impressive incantation list, including every spell to do in rich ill Uncle Ernie, who remembered you in his will, but who's too slow at dying. It won't appear to be a murder. It'll seem this old nonentity had a painless heart attack.
Caste a spell on any ninny. Yes, even Elvis Presley.
Permanently cripple your insane nephew or slip one's penis in
your nice cute niece, nineteen.
Poison your myopic grandmother, ninety.
Damage your vile ex-husband's new sports car.
Slip Elle McPherson a love potion.
Recklessly immolate your useless spouse.
Turn your clueless little brother into Richard Grantham's pet
llama.
Create an entire new career as an eerie sorcerer. It is easy as sin!
No, it is not expensive. Yes, this is exceptional value for just $666.00
Here is one easy demo piece to evaluate:
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake.
In the cauldron boil and bake:
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat and slips of yew
Sliver'd in the moon eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips,
Finger of a birth-strangled babe
Ditch deliver'd by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.
Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, July 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
By a brothel's wan red light,
An untidy harlot waits.
She's a nymph, lady of the night,
Advertising her cash rates.
What sin turns man's mind, she can dismiss;
Men are smug degenerates.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Ancient Greek Fabulist, Aesop =
Keeping the tales of nature basic.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2001:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
Christopher Skase =
He has sick reports.
SPAM CATEGORY, August 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Anybody wanna read their e-mail and get paid for it?
If so, i know of this site the pays you to read the e-mail they
send to you...
If interested, please contact at dustin.home@verizon.net with
INTERESTED in the subject line
=
Dear spammer, notice this. Please insert your head deep into your
anal orifice (botty), then ingest the fatty contents of your bowel,
and then just emit a death wheeze. It is definitively known as
EAT SHIT AND DIE, IDIOT!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Mac and Fries Eat-out Site.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Spanish Artist, Francisco de Goya =
I paint horrid ghosty scenes as a fact.
SPAM CATEGORY, September 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
ASK YOURSELF THESE 3 QUESTIONS:
1. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH AN EXTRA $500, $1000, $5000 PER MONTH?
2. IF YOU CONTINUE DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW, WHERE WILL YOU
BE FINANCIALLY, 4 YEARS FROM NOW?
3. IF THIS TURNED OUT TO BE THE PROGRAM YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR,
WOULD THERE BE ANYTHING TO STOP YOU GETTING STARTED RIGHT NOW?
To learn more about this, email us at: jofra_inc@yahoo.com, and type "MORE INFO" in the subject text. You will receive FREE info, via email.
=
Now, I came up with three cute answers (below) to your fucking goofy questions
1. How to secrete 143,000 pirhana into your enema fluid (unbeknown to you, fool), just before you indulge in a little joyful "water sport".
2. How I might obtain a mere 5,500,000 African driver ants (i.e. the type which eat an ox alive), smother your rotten old genitals with them, and see them dine off your gonads.
3. I extol giving you a wee frontal lobotomy on your birthday.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Osama bin Laden =
A bad man (no lies).
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, September 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Kabul, Afghanistan capital =
Halt a fucking Taliban, ASAP!
SPAM CATEGORY, October 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Want a better sex life ?
Men and Woman can improve their sexual desire and preformance
This great product is all natural !
=
What an excellent spam!
I want more of it!
A great spam example!
Sure is darned cute!
And never abolish it!
Can't find URL (Error?)
LONG CATEGORY, October 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Oh,
say can you see by the dawn's early light
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2001:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Far Side cartoonist Gary Larson ~
is a creator of grisly and honest art.
SPAM CATEGORY, November 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
UNIVERSITY DIPLOMAS
Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power, and the admiration
of all.
Select your field of study from business, computers, engineering, education, the sciences, liberal arts, fine arts, social sciences, history, literature, languages, or any other discipline.
No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.
All levels of diplomas awarded - including bachelors, masters, PhD's, and MBA's.
Save Thousands on Tuition Fees!!!
Open enrollment means that you are already accepted into this unique program.
CALL NOW to receive your diploma within days!!!
1-212-465-3248
Call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including Sundays and holidays.
ALL CALLS KEPT CONFIDENTIAL.
=
Let's get this plan quite clear in my mind.
What you're supposedly saying is:
You'd give me completely fake qualifications, the holders of which
fraudulently use to seamlessly obtain valued, well-paid positions,
suspiciously false awards and it'd earn considerable income?
I'll order one for a brain surgeon.
There's a Mayo Clinic consultant neurosurgeon position vacant and I'd like to obtain it, even in the absence of a basic medical degree or the knowledge of functional and structural central nervous system anatomy, the diseases and syndromes, pills, doses, radical Swiss head operations, surgical procedures, instruments, or paraphernalia.
"Dr" Larry.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 2001:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Taliban's leader Mullah Omar =
Burial alarm. Send me to Allah!
SPAM CATEGORY, December 2001:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
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=
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We'll connect you lot to these websites pandering to your sexual foible.
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*The Shoe as a Sexual Object.
*Frotteurs Rub Me The Right Way.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Angram research
Single-Letter Retrieval Cues for Anagram Solution. (Statistical Data Included) KENNETH L. WITTE; JOEL S. FREUND.
Full Text: COPYRIGHT 2001 Heldref Publications
ABSTRACT. Anagram solution, as related to single-letter retrieval cues and first letter of the solution word (consonant or vowel), was examined. In Experiment 1, college-aged solvers were presented both types of 5-letter words and either the first letter of the solution word as a cue, or no cue. In Experiment 2, the effects of four types of retrieval cues (first, middle, or last letter or no cue) upon solving consonant-beginning words was examined. Finally, Experiment 3 examined the solution of both types of solution words as related to the preceding four types of retrieval cues. The results of all 3 experiments showed that a single letter can be an effective cue. For consonant-beginning words, the middle and last letters were as effective as the first letter. For vowel-beginning words, the first letter was more effective than either the middle or last letter. It was concluded that solvers select one letter of the anagram, typically a consonant, to serve as the first letter of the solution word, and then rear range the remaining letters.
=
I don't believe it!
We went to the trouble of doing this exciting postdoctoral research on anagrams, then when we sent it to alt.anagrams, I spelt the most important title word (anagram) wrong! A horrendous typo! How embarrassing!
Except the little regretful error, I still felt that the devotees of alt.anagrams would find it an exceptional article and, in effect, a good learning experience. I'm eager to read everyone's opinions. Feel free to tell us:
Larry Brash: "Now, which of you useless overeducated college
idiots wrote this moronic stuff?"
David Bourke: "Well, it'll need a ton of effing rude ones.
None? Then shove off, fat tosser!"
Richard Grantham: "Utter nonsense! Results of the all tests
contain errors."
Walter Newboldt: "i felt its terrific wonderful clever droll
stuff except i fell asleep reading it. Still need volunteers?"
Dan Fortier: "It's rotten, total crap, feces, etc. etc. etc."
Janet Burholt: "An extreme time waster. Never send any further
ones of these."
Ernesto Guiraldes: "It's academic claptrap. The worst test
I've seen; no contest."
D.A. Green: "Some ass fondler gave a grant to study this
over-rated excrement?"
M. Tully: "It's awful senseless shit! Expect very little
talent there!"
O. bin Laden: "Suffer, troll! 135,223,001 curses on the infidel!"
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2001:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The late George Harrison =
Singer: Altogether a hero.
SPAM CATEGORY, January 2002:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Windows User,
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=
Dear new i-Mac owner
Congratulations on your purchase of a fine, exceptional computer, i.e. the best offer ever, a beefy G5, now with nifty Mac OSX, an excellent operating system, top one in the known wide world today.
I'd avoid it if you like Microsoft's iffy, bug-ridden, poor, weak excuse of an operating system, Windows, full of foibles and errors, known to crash often (fine, if several times a day).
Oops, no! Bad idea!
We know your Mac will never disappoint. It is very different to Windows. We know it is very stable, we know it is reliable, and is definitely not prone to Windows www virus shit.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2002:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Budweiser - The King of Beers =
Weekends of true gibberish.
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Tetrahydrocannabinol =
Inhaled, contrary to ban.
SPAM CATEGORY, February 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
DEAR LARRY BRASH,
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES, AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF TWENTY MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ($20 M U.S.) INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED, COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.
WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS, AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT, THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 60% FOR US, 30% FOR YOU AND 10% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENTAL TO THE TRANSFER.
THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (N.N.P.C.). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL FAX TO YOU A FOREIGN CONTRACTORS APPLICATION FORM, WHICH YOU WILL HAVE TO COMPLETE AND FAX BACK TO US.
THIS BUSINESS WILL TAKE US TWENTY-ONE (21) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH. FOR SECURITY REASONS, MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THIS PROPOSAL STRICTLY TO YOURSELF THAT IS DO NOT DISCUSS WITH A THIRD PARTY. ON YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THIS PROPOSAL, I WILL SEND YOU MY PERSONAL TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBERS ON THE NEXT STEP THAT IS REQUIRED. REPLY URGENTLY,
REGARDS,
CHIEF JOSEPH OBOH
=
Dear Chief Oboh,
Thank you for an extremely considerate, interesting email regarding a truckload of cash that I would make on this deal.
30 percent? WOW! That's six million buckaroos just for little old me! Sixty six thousand bananas would be quite a winner for me! An excellent cash spinner! The fun I'd have with that! Wait until I tell our friends I'll soon be a millionaire! Poor assholes, they'll be so envious!
Now, are you sure that's a legal plan? It sounded a bit dodgy to me. Quite possibly things are done in a far different way in your country. Sorry, I don't want to patronise or sound a racist.
Being a very cautious applicant, I thought that I'd check things for accuracy first before making a commitment to the plan. I've vaguely heard of Nigerian scams, cons or stuff before, but from your email, it sounds so professional, so genuine, so attractive.
I had a look at http://www.crimes-of-persuasion.com/ They had quite a few con stories, and funny cases that warn of people ripped off, beaten up or even killed. You can't believe a word that you read on the Internet! Who are these scornful creeps? What sort of non-stop crap can they concoct to scare people off overseas investments? These unsophisticated people hate entrepreneurs! I suspect their narrow misinterpretations are discourteous, contrary or psychotic. An extraordinary affront!
We should transact this very holy loan as soon as possible. You'd want exact financial details to transfer the tons of cash? My account number is: NP-1100-NN-2026-A.
Larry Brash
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
International Space Station =
It is not a pleasant container.
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Oral stimulation of the penis =
Fellatio's proteins in a mouth.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2002:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Ernesto Guevara and Fidel Castro =
Dared enforce revolt against USA.
SPAM CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
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=
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PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The actress Mae West =
Cast me, sweethearts.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Detoxification and Rehabilitation Centre =
I coax another infantile beer addict into it.
SPAM CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
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*Our sincere love and prayers go out to all of the familys and individuals that were touched by the horrible acts committed against our country. And also for our soldiers who are now defending this great land.
=
Here's a few of the most common side effects of consuming anabolic steroids:
1. If you are a crack male bodybuilder, your prick and balls will shrivel up to baby size, and I don't mean 8 pounds and 21 inches long. Breasts will grow large, like the charming boobs of Pamela Anderson.
2. If you are a crack female bodybuilder, the clitoris will flower, swell up like a squashed ugly salami, breasts will shrink and voice will drop 2 octaves to a low awful growl.
3. The liver will become quite cirrhotic, black, necrotic, or worse, a cancerous growth.
4. All your 62 Anagrammy Awards get scrubbed or cancelled.
5. Get knobbled for dealing in illegal goods and end charged in court or confined in jail.
6. Begin to send millions of childish wretched spams to the World's 134,456,789 bored Internet users.
7. The screwball spam will include extensive prompts about removal from the list that the reader never asked to go on in the first place. All it'll do is confirm the innocent readers' email's correct and, in a flash, you can sell them to another bloody "opt-in" list.
8. You could add a clever concept, a proud patriotic tag to the end of the email to make you look like a nice, warm, decent person, not a dumb spamming creep/evil drug dealer who thinks that all 134,456,789 Internet users live in the USA.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
An "Eagle" lands on Earth's moon, making a first small permanent footprint.
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2002:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Anal intercourse =
One lunatic's rear!
LONG CATEGORY, July 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with: [The Constellations]
Andromeda, Antlia, Apus, Aquarius, Aquila, Ara, Aries, Auriga,
Bootes, Caelum, Camelopardalis, Cancer, Canes Venatici, Canis
Major, Canis Minor, Capricornus, Carina, Cassiopeia, Centaurus,
Cepheus, Cetus, Chamaeleon, Circinus, Columba, Coma Berenices,
Corona Australis, Corona Borealis, Corvus, Crater, Crux, Cygnus,
Delphinus, Dorado, Draco, Equuleus, Eridanus, Fornax, Gemini,
Grus, Hercules, Horologium, Hydra, Hydrus, Indus, Lacerta, Leo,
Leo Minor, Lepus, Libra, Lupus, Lynx, Lyra, Mensa, Microscopium,
Monoceros, Musca, Norma, Octans, Ophiuchus, Orion, Pavo, Pegasus,
Perseus, Phoenix, Pictor, Pisces, Picis Austrinus, Puppis, Pyxis,
Reticulum, Sagitta, Sagittarius, Scorpius, Sculptor, Scutum, Serpens,
Sextans, Taurus, Telescopium, Triangulum, Trangulum Australe,
Tucana, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Vela, Virgo, Volans, Vulpecula.
=
This is a list of eighty-eight constellations, all-up, visible on Earth, up in space's vacuum.
Astronomers in ancient Greece, Arabia, Mexico and Asia, and exploring Caucasian mariners observed, mapped and gave each star group arcane names - mercurial superhuman heroes, mythological creatures and various curious animals.
Polaris to Arcturus to Spica to Southern Cross; a complex panoramic circle. Our opus excludes pure spiral nebulae, quasi-circular galaxies, ubiquitous pulsars, unusual quasars, major planets or uncommon moons.
Spurious astrologers, vacuous gurus, paranoiac psychics, and manic mediums loudly murmur, as usual, auspicious star signs or particular unusual conjunctions, can exactly predict, ruin, or cure our capricious lives or mess 'em up. Many peculiar accuracies occur.
SPAM CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
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=
An on-duty police officer pulled over a car and told its driver as he had been wearing a seatbelt, he'd automatically win over $1,949,724 in the National Driver Safety Competition.
"What are you going to do with your winnings?" said the officer.
"In truth, I reckon I'll try and get a valid driver's license again," he replied innocently.
"Dear Lord, no! Don't listen to that rotten idiot!" voiced his rotund curvy wife in the passenger's seat. "He's a real jerk when he's blind drunk!"
A very stoned cousin in the back, roused out of narcotic sleep, frowned at the cop very nervously and groaned, "Run, run! I knew we'd get us arrested and convicted in a stolen car!"
Suddenly, a tiny voice in the trunk, called out in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
USA President George W. Bush =
"Super" ego gets U.S. behind war.
SPAM CATEGORY, September 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
From the ethnobotanical herbalists who brought the herba supplementals; Kathmandu Temple Kiff "1" & "2" "Personal-Choice", pipe-smoking products/substances to the common market!!!
We are finally able to offer for your "Sensitive/Responsive", "Personal Choice" Smoking Enjoyment.the "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ Pipe-Smoking Substance Supplemental Product. Introduced after three years of research and development; Temple "3" is "Personal Choice" legal Smoking/Indulgence.Redefined!!!
Thanks to recent, dramatic, technological advances in the laboratorial processes for the extraction of alkaloid and glycocide supplements from botanicals/herbas/plant matter, we are now able to offer. in more cultivated/enhanced/viripotent/substantiated format.what had actually already been the most significant, lawful, "Personal Choice" smoking substance available on the planet. "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ is the sweet, sweet evolution of all of that.
=
To all Bob Marley Wannabes and white Weekend Rastafarians who want to smoke pot and avoid charges from members of the State Police Department, huge long jail sentences, the menace of random urine drug tests back at work, AND appear very cool and clever to your friends , then here's that ultimate product, the thing for you.
Looks like dope, smells like dope, tastes like dope, even makes you cough like dope, but, in fact, you'll never ever get stoned. It happens to be a complete placebo with little or no sedative effects. Might as well be inhaling grass clippings, common catnip, tea, or animal's crap for all it'll ever do. Can't get a bhang from this cheap stuff. Call it a complete cannabis sativa substitute, stone-free sham marihuana, no-high hash, non-commercial-strength common hemp. No examples of active tetrahydrocannabinol traces have ever been found.
The Surgeon General tells people that this flaming crap creates financial side-effects. Please, don't get burnt!
LONG CATEGORY, September 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Two whales, a male and a female, are swimming side by side in the ocean. Suddenly, the male spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.
Filled with anger, he exclaims to his female companion, "That is the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"
So, when they're close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge."
And the female agreed to this. So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.
The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that sailors were floating in the ocean. The male whale was very angry and said to the female, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp down all the sailors!"
The female stopped swimming, looked at her man and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen."
=
The milkman, Mr. Alan Jones, will be retiring soon. In the middle of his last round, he reaches the home of one of his oldest customers, the Goldsteins, where Mrs. Anna Goldstein welcomes him.
"Ah, come in here. Retiring, eh? Well, imagine that! I can tell you, we'll all miss you," she says. "We wanted to show some proper appreciation. We have organized a suitable Hebrew treat! And, the best one, already!"
She grabs him and drags the poor old fellow into the bedroom, strips off his clothes, and engages in the wildest, best, hot sex with him, till he's weeping. He is really amazed by her appetite.
She then hands him a brand new five-dollar note and then a bowl of nice heated chicken soup to eat. The milkman tastes it.
"Ah, please... eat it! Bon appetit!"
"Wait, Mrs. Goldstein, please wait. You are too kind. Why all of this?"
"Well, the other day, I said to that awful peasant of a husband of mine, Lew, 'Lew, dear... the milkman... he's retiring. I need an idea, please, Lew. What should we do for him?'"
"And, that tightarse, Lew, he said, 'What?! Ah, fuck him... give him five dollars!'"
"But the chicken soup? Aha, that was my idea!"
SPAM CATEGORY, October 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Ok this is really new to me. I'm just looking for a good time out on the town with someone that is enjoyable; I'm not looking to fall in love but who knows. I'm a creative romantic that likes a little attention every once in a wile. I would say that I was plane looks wise, I like to try new things but in not one of those girls that does everything once, if you're looking to score don't look at me. I have an adventurous heart but sometimes I need a little help bringing it out. I am truthful and dependable. I like Hiking, Horseback riding, roller blading, scuba diving, hanging out, camping, art, romantic comedies, travel and more.
contact me here http://www.designerlove.com/?rid=love11
=
Hi, my name is Viv and I think I might locate a potential tenth husband in alt.anagrams. I've lurked here and I love you people a lot. It's worth it. You're a bunch of smart fellows with letters.
OK, right, as you can tell, I'm a bit of a loser (a nitwit, too). I'm ugly as warty growths on an arsehole, I can't spell too nice neither. I've got no tits, got no friends, in debt. I drink gin and get violent, too. I've never been with a man (OK, just Maurice Goodard, but just once. I got it wrong, OK?). The mental hospital in Molde will be discharging me, when I've got someone nice, like Rick Rothstein, to look after me.
I need a strong gentleman, like David Bourke, who is nice to women. Mick Tully would be cool, too.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Electro-Convulsive Therapy =
Pray the volts cure violence.
SPAM CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Safe Sex Shell + Condom = Total Protection
The Safe Sex Shell is a circular plastic shell with a protrusive hole on the center. See http://www.sexsafe.biz
This product is to be used in combination with a condom. The protrusion wraps around the mouth of the condom, holding securely in place, thereby reducing the likelihood of it falling off.
Whereas condoms only cover parts of the penis from contact with body fluids, the shell joins together with the condom to protect the entire penis and surrounding areas, further eliminating the risk of contagion. The protrusion also produces a tension around the penis, reducing the blood flow and increasing the duration of erection.
The small protrusions around the center protrusion touch the female, let her feel more happy.
The Safe Sex Shell is invented by Mr. Lin Hua and got patent. Mr. Lin Hua wishes to cooperate with you to promote the product to world. If you are interested in the product, you can contact linhua@ustc.edu
=
Dear Mr Hua
I'm writing to complain about your product, the gizmo that one puts on one's erect penis to keep the condom on, less I end up with STD, and, if we do screw, so I can thrill the girlfriend. The Sex Shell thing...
True, it has worked just as you said, as we both had fine sex, until a few unexpected side effects occurred. The main one is I can't get the shell off!
It's been on for four months. I've managed to cut a hole in the french letter so I can finally have a piss. However, I got this chronic priapism, one permanent erection, an chronic boner, one constant hardon, the total opposite to erectile impotence. The head and whole length of the shaft's this purple colour, hot, and seriously hurts. I'm worried it could turn out to be my old penis, not the condom, that will drop off! The stench's totally putrid (people are now recoiling).
Truth is I'm hopelessly stuffed.
Should I see an expert doctor, a clinic or the urology hospital or not?
How about a return, refund or court costs?
Larry 'Eunuch' Brash
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2002:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Brash,
I am barrister Godwin Ezechukwua solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mr David Brash, who used to work with shell development company in Nigeria. Here in after shall be referred to as my client.
On the 21st of April 1999, my client, his wife And their three children were involved in a car accident along sagbama express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confisicated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged. particularly, the New Nigeria Bank (NNB) Plc where the deceased had an account valued at about 10million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confisicated.
Since i have been unsuccesfull in locating the the relatives for over 2 years now i seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at 10million dollars can be paid to you and then you and i can share the money. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this dealt through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Please reply me by this email address:ezechukwu_godwin@hotmail.com for security to enable us discuss further.
Best regards, Godwin Ezechukwu (esq)
=
Dearest Counsellor Ezechukwu
It's with great sadness and shock that I received your news about my much beloved Uncle David and family's deaths. I'd long wondered why I had not had news from him these last three years but I had no idea that he and the family had met such a tragic end.
How I'll miss Uncle and his quite lovely creative wife, Kathy, and beautiful teenage children Anna and Aaron and lovely baby Erica. I can only hope that their terrible deaths were swift and painless.
Uncle David often spoke of the trip to Nigeria in his letters to me, as his nephew (one only living relative). As you may know, he travelled there excitedly to secure the large amount of money that had been offered to him in the email from the Royal Family of Chief Soebo killed during a coup.
We were puzzled and it concerned us that it was a sort of scam and tried to talk Uncle out of taking his family to your beauteous country, but your reliable news confirms that he received the money and that his decision was the correct one. Uncle also spoke at great length of the great honesty of the peaceful Nigerian people, in particular the respectable, impeccable lawyers and his obvious trust in them. Your most agreeable email proves that this trust was correctly placed.
Your kind gift of all these millions of dollars exceeds all expectations. It occurs at a very providential time. I have been quite down on my luck, have no assets, am about to be evicted, and, in essence, become homeless. Hence, under the current circumstances I require that you can post me, at once, an urgent electronic advance to cure the pressing overheads that have been troubling me recently, to cover all court case costs, reasonable retainer and search fees, special taxes, various incidentals, etc.
Please excuse my haste,
Sincere best wishes,
Peace,
Larry Brash.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
INTRODUCTION: l am Mrs. Eki Omorodion l know this proposal will come to you as a surprise because we have not met before either physically or through correspondence. I have no doubt in your ability to handle this proposal involving huge sum of money.
THE SUBJECT: MY HUSBAND CHIEF JOSEPH OMORODION (Now Late) was the Royal Head of my Community, JESSE (an oil rich town) in Nigeria. My late husband's community produces 3.5% of the total crude oil production in Nigeria and 0.5% of the Dollar value of each barrel is paid to my husband as royalty by the Federal Government.
My husband was also the Chairman of OMPADEC, Jesse branch. In his position as the Royal head and Chairman of the OMPADEC, Jesse branch, he made some money which he left for me and our children as the only thing to inherit. The money is Twelve Million US Dollars ($12M).
Though this said fund accumulated between the period 1976-1998. Due to poor banking system in Nigeria and political instability as a result of past Military rules (1985-1999), he deposited this Money in a Strong Room/safe with an open beneficiary in Apex Bank of Nigeria pending when he would finish arrangement to transfer it abroad as a CONTRACT PAYMENT. He was planning this when he died late last year of Heart Attack.
THE PROPOSAL: Just before my husband died he called my attention to the money and charged me to look for a foreigner who would assist me in the transfer / investment of the funds abroad. So l would be very grateful if you could accept to help me archieve this great objective.
I promise to give you 20% of the total funds transferred to your vital bank account as compensation for your assistance. Five percent (5%) would be set aside to take care of all expenses we may incure during the transaction. To indicate your interest, contact me urgently and confidentially for more information and the roles you will play in this business. All the legal information concerning this Money will be sent to you as soon as we agree together.
Send your reply through this mail box, or see the note below
Yours faithfully, MRS. Eki Omorodion.
N.B I will like you to provide me immediately with your full names, telephone and fax numbers to enable my eldest son Whyte Omorodion to contact you. He shall handle this transaction from A-Z on behalf of the family. Alternatively you can call him on his telephone numbers 234-1-7761459, 873-762-533-730, fax 873-762-533-731. Ask him for the code and he shall respond GOODLUCK before discussion. Just to be sure that you are speaking to him.
=
Dear Mrs Omorodion,
Thank you for your polite email. I'm sorry to hear about the sudden and unexpected death of your husband. I extend my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I'm sure that your noble husband was a phenomenal man and I'd also feel that he would be proud of this humane project, too.
To me, it's sad to see how many black African leaders are murdered or die under suspicious circumstances each year, judging from the large number of these emails that are sent by their widows, remaining family members, and little children, hoping to relocate their funds in a safe place overseas. My heart goes out to those who lose dear ones in such a way.
Occasionally I also have noticed that there are many top Nigerian government officials who misjudged their budgets, to have been in that spot, predominantly by "over-invoicing", and who are keen to share their good fortune with smart people overseas. In short, such generosity amazes me. However, it concerns me that transfer of such vast sums of money may injure the economy of your countries in Africa. Still, I suppose they know what they're doing. No doubt, many international investors will excitedly pool millions in funds into your country to balance this, such is the trust that they would have of the integrity of the unimpeachable Nigerian Government and a handful of capable businessmen controlling the boom's potential profit.
I download many emails from capable Nigerian lawyers and dedicated councillors spending many hours looking for family members of deceased white foreigners, again to possibly share the wealth left behind. I had to sadly reject their offers, as I was not actually related to the deceased. In my judgement, it would seem dishonest of me to exploit the solicitor's human mistake. We're all guilty of the occasional foolish booboo.
Luckily, the Nigerian nation has come up a long way since the violent years of abhorrent British and European white colonial control. In my opinion, it appears that the population of your land has put the problems behind them, so I'm hoping that the national outlook is all optimism.
If you've no objection, please send my money, exactly one billion dollars, as bullion, small bills or as a check payable to a worthy charity, namely the "Foundation for Underprivileged Children of Kenya - Overseas Food Fund", better known by the acronym "F.U.C.K. - O.F.F.", of which I'm just the humble president.
Thanks
Larry Brash
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Benign prostatic hyperplasia =
Big Pa can rarely piss in the pot.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
ESP is most commonly known as the "sixth sense." It is
sensory information that an individual receives which comes beyond the ordinary
five senses sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. It can provide the
individual with information of the present, past, and future; as it seems to
originate in a second, or alternate reality.
History:
The term
"ESP" was used in 1870 by Sir Richard Burton. A French researcher, Dr. Paul
Joire, in 1892 used the term ESP to describe the ability of person who had been
hypnotized or were in a trance state to externally sense things without using
their ordinary senses.
However, the phenomena of ESP activity has been
indicated much earlier, some say even in Biblical times. Although there is no
clear evidence as to the certainty of the phenomena it has attracted the
attention and enthusiasm of many throughout the centuries.
In the 1920's
a Munich ophthalmologist, Dr. Rudolph Tischner, used ESP in describing the
"externalization of sensibility." Then in the 1930s the American
parapsychologist J. B. Rhine popularized the term to include psychic phenomena
similar to sensory functions. Rhine was among the first parapsychologists to
test ESP phenomena in the laboratory.
The first systematic study of ESP
was conducted in 1882, when the Society for Psychical Research was founded n
London. The journals of this society Proceedings and Journal were published as
well as other publications in the United States and the Netherlands. Soon other
countries were reporting similar findings.
However, these first studies
of ESP were rarely experimental. The studies consisted of mostly spontaneous
incidents that were located. Many of the individuals studied were self-claimed
"sensitives" or psychics. Rarely were they examined under anything resembling
laboratory conditions. The researchers conducting the examinations resembled
prosecuting lawyers. The subjects were bombarded with questions, those standing
up the best were judged creditable.
=
Steve approaches a bus stop and notices a man waiting there. He says, "do you have
any idea when the next bus is due?" The man replies that it will be here in three
minutes and thirty-four seconds.
"How can you be so definite that it'll be in
exactly three minutes and thirty-four seconds?"
The man replies: "Just
wait and you will see." Sure enough, three minutes and thirty-four seconds
later, at the precise second, the bus stops by the curb.
Steve is
puzzled, but dismisses it cynically: "Crap! In my opinion, I consider that it
occurred only as a coincidence... an error".
"No error", the man informs
him. "The next bus will be here in exactly three minutes and fifty-nine
seconds". Again the bus appears exactly on time, correctly as he had predicted.
He repeats the feat for the following three buses, each specific one appears
right on time.
Steve's amazed and he tells the man that is just
startling. He's never seen anything concerning this before. "Just how did you
happen to find this?"
The man replies: "It is called ESP".
Baffled, he replies, "And just what is that?"
The man indicates
it means Extrasensory Perception.
Steve, convinced that there is
something in this, cries:
"Wow, this is real cool! I wonder if I can
learn it, too? I want to be able to do it and impress people".
"Sure, no
problem. I'll teach you this rare secret. Just come down this lane with me".
They go down the lane. The man tells him to drop his trousers.
"No chance, don't be silly!" he cries. The man dismisses his concerns,
"you can trust me, friend; it is quite harmless; don't be worried". He drops his
pants very cautiously.
"Now bend over".
Horrified, he screams
"NO, Stupid! Sorry, no way am I going to do that!"
"Nonsense! Don't
worry! It is alright; trust me, friend; don't panic, sir, do not; I'm sincere
indeed".
He bends over warily and, as fast as lightning, the man drops
his trousers and rips his stiff penis hard into Steve's arse in a second, before
he can react.
Steve cries in horror. "SHIT! I JUST KNEW YOU WERE GOING
TO DO THAT!"
The man replies "See, there you go, you're getting the hang
of it already."
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
Reporter: "Very many cases sure to die."
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The medicinal uses of marihuana =
Me? Inhale to cure AIDS? Uh... as if, man!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome =
No curing of my tired aches.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, kappa, lambda, mu, nu, xi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, upsilon, phi, chi, psi, omega. =
I'll aim to applaud this amazing Greek alphabet. Text, in common use, might appear as: "euthanasia", "utopia", "phobia", "diploma", "coma".
LONG CATEGORY, June 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The twelve cranial nerves: Olfactory, Optic, Oculomotor, Trochlear, Trigeminal, Abducent, Facial, Vestibulocochlear, Glossopharyngeal, Vagus, Accessory, and Hypoglossal
=
Giving control of smell, eyesight, visual accuracy, face's tonal character, hearing, balance, taste, vocal cords, stomach. Will propel shoulders or loop a tongue very ably, too.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
"It was once believed that a million monkeys at a million keyboards would eventually
type the works of Shakespeare, but the Internet has since disproved this theory."
=
Instead, we only have to tolerate useless spam like: "Make Money Fast!"; "Buy
Online Holiday!"; "Total Help with Debt!" "Have Harder Erections!";
or "Visit Kinky Dutch Porn Websites!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo =
Let's be the one long-haired ganja group.
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud =
Halt fancying Mother's pussy, Dude.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
God, grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And Wisdom to know the difference.
=
Concede me, tonight, the Confidence
To create fine anagrams,
And, then hoping that when it occurs,
Get eight category wins.
Thanks, God.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2003:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
It is easier for a camel to through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. =
Something of a cheeky mistranslation there, eh? If not a fine animal of the desert, it ought have read "coarse rope".
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Members of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists =
By all the results and models, we are claiming that Prozac is safe for anyone.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2003:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The fortieth anniversary of the assassination of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy =
Let's join, in steady tears, gaze on and thank this fine Navy hero president for his effort.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2003:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
On the twelfth day of Christmas
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, January 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
New Year's Resolutions ~
to lessen your swearin'.
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An appointment diary ‡
Pop in at any darn time.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Like anybody, I would like to live a long life; longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And he's allowed me to go up to the mountain, and I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land."
=
Outgoing, wise, devoted to civil rights ideology, Martin Luther King's last known ominous speech, led up to his inevitable death out on a motel balcony in Memphis.
He, too, now walked out into the Valley of Death, only to die, to be gunned down and killed by a white puppet, tattooed twit, wanted outlaw, James Earl Ray.
All to gain vote, now!
LONG CATEGORY, March 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
INTERNATIONAL LOTTO.
Sir/Madam,
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners International program. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 7696-645 with serial number 377-554 drew lucky numbers 7-14-6-18-31-45 which won in the 2nd category, you have been approved for a lump sum pay out of 6,000,000 (EUROS )
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
For security purposes, we advise that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 companies and 30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world.
You are requested to contact our office to assist you with the claim and transfer of your winnings fund into your instructed account by acknowledging the receipt of this mail with the email address below.
internetlotto@netscape.net
Note that, all winnings must be claimed not later than two month starting from today, failure to respond to this mail before two months time from today, all unclaimed funds will be null and void.
Sincerely yours,
Mrs Mary Gillian.
=
Dear Madam,
Thank you for letting me know the wonderful news. It's terribly generous - a miraculous windfall of great fruitfulness!
Now, to put it bluntly, I didn't realise that I was even entered in a lottery. Finally, I now understand one of the numerous benefits of my email address being collected by spam robots.
Up until now, I believed what happened was that I would receive 6,600,000 emails a day on my computer, telling me how to instantly enlarge my narrow penis AND my breasts (at the same time); to help 16,500 deposed former Nigerian presidents and their families get $156,456,000 into my bank account; to buy Viagra, Valium and 777,390 other ridiculous drugs; a reminder when to vote in those notoriously criminal monthly Anagrammy Awards (03/2004); to download a virus from Microsoft (in error); and 1,824.000 other untruthful "Enter Now!" promotions, like 3457 illegal copies of anagram software.
I'm most circumspect about this type of crap. I empty it into the trash.
I can see that your Lotto is quite foolproof and there is no way that you could con me. Your corporation's strict protocols appear to be structured and conducted in a correct manner, and truthful above suspicion.
I'll send you my account details tomorrow, if you would send me a little cash advance first.
Larry Brash
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Did you hear about the new kind of simple contraceptive for use in males? =
Fact and/or proven: because, if inserted in the shoe, it would make you limp!
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome =
Enter and thus find my son dead.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
"It's been a Hard Day's Night" =
And, hey, this band is great!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The late John Lennon, Sir Paul McCartney, the late George Harrison, and Ringo Starr =
In long careers, they all once sang major hits in a rather talented Northern group.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith; neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things for: in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you.
=
Leviticus 18: 22-24
Hate the shirtlifters, the gay bar ninnies, the rent boys. Don't simulate a ladylike fashion when with one's fellow men. This is a detestable union! We intend to do it while with hetero dames only.
No bestiality, eh? HELLO! It is sick! When one has a heifer, doe, buffalo, hen, or any sort of fauna, don't touch it in that sort of intimate way.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Ozzy, Sharon, Aimee, Jack and Kelly Osbourne =
Look, see his zany junky boozer clan are mad!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Fawlty Towers, starring John Cleese, Prunella Scales, Connie Booth and Andrew Sachs =
A screwy show, concerning a tall jaded hotel owner's pitfalls, has best run on a screen.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
To be or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?
=
A rather famous quote from Hamlet, no doubt, one of Shakespeare's best plays.
Note, in its unforgettable oration, the son wonders about finding the right
answer to best sort things out... or die.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, July 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The actor Marlon Brando =
Born to act hard-man role.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, July 2004:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Sir Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Charlie Watts, Bill Wyman, Ron Wood and the late Brian Jones =
The Rolling Stones, who are a wrinkly, jaded, raw, animal, jetset, magic, rich, British rock band.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
May I take the liberty to introduce myself as;
Mr. Yeng Zang, Bank Manager of a reputable bank in Taipei, Taiwan
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Missionary Position =
So, I say, it's: "I'm in her, on top".
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, August 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Computer (n), Electronic device which performs computations according to a series of instructions, known as a program. =
Microsoft Windows (n), A program that is defective, crack-prone (on purpose). In time, continual crashes occur, costing more.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2004:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months (Oscar Wilde) =
I exclaimed: "How is it women's favorite outfits or best silver shoes last no longer than half a year?"
LONG CATEGORY, October 2004:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Seven Ages of Woman
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2004:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The Palestinian Liberation Organisation chairman, Yasser Arafat =
He is an agitator for a tiny Arab nation. Rests in Peace in Ramallah.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2004:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
A terrible Indian Ocean tsunami hits Sumatra, and the Andaman and Nicobar islands, first, then Sri Lanka and the Maldives =
It inundates the vibrant sea-front Asian land, like Indonesia, Thailand and Burma, maims and massacres children that ran.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2005:
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Voters turned out for the Iraqi elections =
A violent terrorist foe not quite crushed.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, January 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The entertainer Michael Jackson =
Eliminate that jerk... he's a concern.
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Guinness Book of Records =
Fuck! So boring! Needs hooters!
LONG CATEGORY, February 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Three Laws of Robotics
1. A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
=
The Anagrammy Rules
1. Do not bother to post woeful anagrams which use terrible grammar or obscure spelling into this cool site.
2. Do not write obscene,"off" anagrams with bed-sex. No... not nice! Cut it out!
3. Do contribute just the very best, choice, apt anagrams, which consist of orthodox content, without which the outcome will often be: "no win".
Larry Brash
TOPICAL CATEGORY, March 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Michael Jackson court case =
Teen claim: "He's just a cockroach".
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! =
What a fool is Mr Bush! how extreme in opinion! how wet and vapid in mind! in waffle so fancy, in ignorance so remarkable!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
NOTE: This forum is moderated. Spam posts will be removed promptly. =
We promise to dump morbid adverts from all those simpleton types.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Soccer player Diego Armando Maradona =
Sadly, I am on rare Grade-A Moroccan dope.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
When I was a lad I served a term
LONG CATEGORY, July 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying
only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and
to practice these principles in all our affairs.
=
THE TWELVE ANAGRAMMY FORUM STEPS
1. We admitted we spend a lot of our time doing anagrams, but we believed that it involved lots of laughs.
2. Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves: Mike Keith and his Anagram Artist software.
3. Made a decision we will download and hoped to try the latest copy of his popular program.
4. Made thorough searches for good bold key words which to compose our next really long anagram.
5. Admitted that we spend just a little too much time in the Forum.
6. Were ready to correct the defects or errors from our anagrams, so each should sound really solid.
7. Politely solicited Larry, could he withold our worse anagrams on the final list.
8. Created a copious list with our very best creations to be put in our next awards event.
9. Endeavored to create numerous choice anagrams, involving general, topical, or entertainment content, or people's
and other names, and a few long showpieces, when we have the chance.
10. Continued to strive to avidly compose with focussed skill.
11. Hoped to be in the same hallowed class as the honored Mey Kraus, though we soon realised this would never occur.
12. Tried to pressure everyone we meet to share the humor of anagrams and vote for us.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Microsoft Developer =
Deliverer of compost.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, August 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The members of Queen: Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor, John Deacon, and Brian May =
A major band, formerly fronted by a magic hormone-enriched queer, endures yet.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, September 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is unread. =
It's true! Wilde ended in a terrible, austere jail, based just on his main flair, a rather unnatural need for cute men.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
I'll always eat McDonalds, elect Bush, own fifteen guns (in total), join the N.R.A, protect Israel if hit, hate Fidel, diet, be litigious, avoid church and... I pretend to be God-fearing.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2005:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An elderly woman has been admitted to a nursing home. The nurses are all extremely friendly and attentive. They get her settled into a big comfortable armchair in the day room with all the other residents.
During the course of her first day, one of the nurses notices that the frail old lady is leaning sharply over to the right in her chair, so rushes over to her and props her back up with a pillow. A short time later, the nurse sees her leaning over to the left, and again kindly pushes back her into an upright position. This occurs many times during the day. A nurse straightens her up each time she leans over.
That evening the woman's son comes in to visit and asks her how her first day in the home has been. "Well, it has been just great, my dear. Yes, I am very contented" she replies.
"How are they caring for you, Mom?" he asks.
"They are all really beautiful and kind, except there is one problem... they won't let me fart!"
=
A lady of mature years consults her family doctor.
"What's the problem affecting you, then, dear?" he asks her.
"I have a frightfully strange problem with gas. Really bad! I'll pass it recurrently day and night. In fact, just within the short time I have been here in your room, I have passed gas nine times."
"Nine, huh? That's horrific! There there!"
"However, here's another rather strange thing...they are completely odorless and silent...can it harm me?"
"Huh? Never! Let me examine you."
After he's done, the doctor says: "I think that I have an answer to the problem. Here, take one of these very strong prescription tablets three times a day, and return here in the week to see me "
The old lady later returns, but says, "I'm here 'cos that new medicine's no damn good! I still pass gas silently, but now the damn stench is repugnant!"
The doctor then replies, "Hang on, it looks like I have fixed your sinus problem...now I shall order you a hearing aid!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2005:
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Two Ronnies =
Two... then one, sir.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Rosa Parks, Mother of the Civil Rights Movement =
It's her calm move that is provoking the reforms.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
After the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent out word that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided to hold the interviews in the belfry.
After hearing several applicants, the bishop decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him and said he wanted to apply for the job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," exclaimed the man. "Observe!"
He began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced that he had found a worthy replacement for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"
=
And the following day, with an unbearable melancholy that weighed heavily on his tender heart due to the unfortunate death of the beloved, but armless, campanologist, the bishop came back up and continued the interviews for the one destined to be the new bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man, who walked up and approached him, said,
"Your Excellency, I'm the brother of the armless chap who fell to a sudden and accidental death from the belfry yesterday. I request and pray that you honour his humble, worthwhile life by allowing me to be appointed for this job."
The bishop was quite moved and agreed to audition him, and, when the armless man's brother had bent over to pick up a small wooden mallet to hit the first bell, he moaned, clutched his chest, fell down and he died on the spot.
A few priests and nuns, all hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy, rushed upstairs to be on hand at his side.
"What has happened? Who is the deceased man?" the first priest pleaded breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but............
HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER!"
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Driving under the influence of alcohol =
On tour in a vehicle drenched full of gin.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
"Genius is born - not paid" (Oscar Wilde) =
A sociable wit drudges on in prison.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Vatican: "No gay priests!" =
It gets a pansy vicar? No!
LONG CATEGORY, November 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
John is getting married to the girl of his dreams, Wendy. He decides to surprise her with a very special wedding present. His gift is to have a tattoo... her name on his penis.
John goes off to a tattooist, who explains that this might be a bit painful and that he can only undertake this if John has an erection. He nervously agrees to go ahead, as he is so much in love with Wendy. He takes the pain and soon it is done, with "WENDY" on the shaft of his male member.
After his penis is flaccid, John notices that he can see just the first letter of her name, a "W", and last letter, a "Y", as the middle letters are in the folds of his skin.
=
John and his bride go on their honeymoon to the West Indies.
They get off the plane at Jamaica. John's in dire need of the toilet. When he's at the urinal to relieve himself, this fit, six-feet-three, West Indian fellow enters and starts to urinate.
John, having heard it said that black men are "large chaps", looks down and gasps as he sees that the other man has "W" and "Y" on his shaft.
He nervously addresses the chap,
"The tattoo...it's like mine! I'd guess...perhaps your girl's Wendy too, right?", stretching his penis to show him it.
"Ah no, mon! See - it's different. If it's stiff, it's:
WELCOME TO THE REPUBLIC OF JAMAICA AND HAVE A NICE DAY!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2005:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone =
He began on an experiment: A "Hello?" travelled forth.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Microsoft Corporation =
Sort of pathetic or moronic.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2005:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
It provokes the desire but it takes away the performance =
Risk's fair that we've had too many beers to keep it up erect.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Deem it as an utter fiasco.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. =
I'm George W. Bush. I can't accept being in a country that always elects me, a blatant simpleton, to be President to all (Twice, man!)
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chaconne from Bach's Partita No 2 in D Minor for violin =
An epic solo, rich of notion, vibrant in form and charm.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Apple iTunes Music Store =
Sale is set-up in computer.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for it.
Jill is travelling the world and she is short of funds, so she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.
This goes on for 5 nights.
On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar, but this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner.
Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she could pay him more attention. She comes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he is from and he tells her - Melbourne.
"So am I" she says. "What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris" he says.
"That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"
"Cameo Street" he says." "This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"
"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!!"
=
This young Australian guy, Steve, is touring England. He enters a church for confession with Father Brendan Fitzpatrick.
He starts: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been six weeks since my last confession."
The priest then says: "Begin telling God your sins, my son."
"I had sex with this girl, Father."
He questions the young man: "And... ah... how many times?"
"Ah...six nights... I think, Father."
"Then to obtain absolution, you have to tell me the lass's name."
He hesitates."No , Father, I think I'd rather not say."
"As I have said, I won't absolve you unless you give her name."
"No, Father, I can't say. I need to protect her reputation and shame."
"Rubbish! I must emphasise to you the importance of telling me this girl's name."
"Sorry, Father", he insists.
"Right then! Hah-hah! Was it Jane Shorter?"
"Father, please, don't press me for her name".
"Blessed Jesus! What is this girl's name!"
"But, Father, please..."
"Okay then... Hah-hah! Was it Julie-Anne Baxter?"
Saddened, he sobs, "Please, Father!"
"By the Holy Ghost! Was it Kathie Shah?"
"No, Father... just bless me!"
"Nothing? Right... I'll not absolve your sins! I dismiss you!"
Banished, Steve walks from the church, his head hanging, dragging his feet.
Outside, two other young Aussies are standing there."How did it go?" one of them asks.
Steve smiles broadly. "Great! I got three more names!"
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2006:
eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The World Cup Finals in Germany =
Crushing win led from a penalty.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
=
New research into the psychology of humour has happened to show us that the joke, once assessed as the world's funniest, was created by the zany comedian, Spike Milligan, and was used in the 1951 Goons Show.
The sketch (replayed here, now somehow set in the USA), which in its heyday starred the legendary actor Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine, has, I hope, remained one of the best gags ever.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Named His very best girl ~
The Blessed Virgin, Mary.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
His Holiness Pope Benedict the Sixteenth =
Then this speech exhibited no politeness.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The five dead Amish schoolgirls: Naomi Rose Ebersole, Marian Fisher, Mary Liz and Lena Miller, and Anna Mae Stoltzfus =
A vile man Charles Roberts, in a frenzied male-mania, seizes our girls, held in a room, and slays a lot of them, and himself.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Three businessmen, an American, a Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there were beeping sounds. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. Interested, the other two looked on.
"It's my new pager" the American said, "I've had a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm".
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. After he finished his call, he explained, "It's my new mobile phone, I've a microchip inserted in my hand".
The Irish fellow now felt very clearly low-tech. Not to be outdone, he decided that he had to come up with something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went in the bathroom. A couple of minutes later, he returned with a long piece of toilet paper trailing from his bottom. The other two raised their eyebrows and stared.
The Irishman glanced around and then said........
"Would you look at that, I'm getting a fax!!!!!"
=
During a world scientific meeting on Information Technology, 3 teams of scientists, one from America, one Japanese and one Irish, all presented previously unpublished papers about the History of the Internet.
The American leader presented all his work himself: "I excavated about ten feet of earth, in which I discovered a few copper wires", meaning this to him: "...that the USA had a dial-up modem Internet a hundred years ago".
The Japanese head scholar's study was next up: "Meanwhile, I drilled down twenty feet, pushing deep into the earth, and I discovered optical cable, emphasising the opinion that Japan had a phenomenal high-speed Internet two centuries ago."
"OK, me?" remarked a member of the Irish team: "Meanwhile, our best men tunnelled down a mammoth thirty feet and all I happened to find was this: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Proof that the Irish had a wireless web network sometime three hundred years ago!"
LONG CATEGORY, November 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
George W. Bush meets with Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II of England.
He asks her,
"Your Majesty, how is it that you run such a very efficient slick government? Are there any clues to this that you can offer me?"
"Well," says the Queen,
"Above all, the most important thing is to do this: surround yourself with very intelligent efficient people."
Bush looks concerned.
"So, how could I know the people around me are so clever and intelligent?"
The Queen takes a little sip from her cup of tea.
"Oh, this is very simple. Let me explain it. You simply ask them to answer an intelligence test. Do listen to this".
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom.
"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony.
Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "Of course, that would be me."
"Yes! Very good, well done." says the Queen.
=
At the White House, Bush talks with Vice President Cheney.
"Answer this one for me, deputy. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother, not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not quite sure, Mr President," says the Vice President. "Just let me make some enquiries for you about that one."
Cheney goes to his many polite youthful underlings to enquire of all twenty of them, but none are able to give him an intelligent answer.
Finally, a week later, he goes in a men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall.
Cheney yells out, "Would you please answer something for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell yells back , "That's funny! Quite simple: It's me!"
Cheney replies."Gee, great work, pal!"
In the Oval Office he talks with Bush.
"Okay, I've done you some research and here's the eloquent answer to the question. It's my judgement that it is Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over, and yells into his face,
"No! It's Tony Blair!"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2006:
eq 3rd - Larry Brash with:
The late actor Humphrey DeForest Bogart =
Best role for me? Act tough hard-heart type.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Queen's Annual Christmas Day Broadcasts =
She's quite a lady, but transcends as a monarch.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Anagram Artist Windows Software =
Ah, it was so swift at word arrangement!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2006:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!
=
Tom Lehrer made us swoon,
Rearranging a Christmas tune.
He beheld the haughty greed,
What they buy, I do not need.
Lying market survey ploys,
Alas, kindhearted giving us toys.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2006:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
These are actual notes from Doctors patient charts...
"Patient has a chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
"On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
"She has had no more rigors or chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"Patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed."
"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
"Patient has been depressed ever since he started seeing me in 1993."
"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
"Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
"Patient just had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
"Between you and me, we ought to be able to make your lady pregnant."
"Since she cannot get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up."
"Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid."
"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
"A pelvic exam will be done later on the floor."
=
"Healthy appearing, decrepit, ninety eight year old. Mentally alert, but forgetful."
"When checking signs, she was numb from her toes down."
"She was examined that night, X-rated and sent home."
"Her skin's appearance was moist and dry."
"She was alert and deeply unresponsive."
"She has been constipated for all of her life, until she had a divorce."
"I assessed the patient, who's still under your car for physical therapy."
"Breasts - both equal and reactive to light and accommodation."
"Exam of the genitalia reveals that his penis is circus sized."
"The lab test detected abnormal lover functioning."
"The patient hoped to have a bowel resection. He took a job as a lawyer instead."
"Skin: rather pale but present."
"The patient was seen in consultation by Dr. G. Parker, who felt we should sit on her abdomen, and I agree and accept."
"Large brown stool ambulating in the corridor."
"The staff say that she has three teenage children, but no other abnormalities."
"The patient refused any autopsy."
"The patient has not any past history of suicides."
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2006:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Taking it up the arse =
That is a Greek input.
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2007:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The silicone breast forms =
Chosen for miserable tits.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2007:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Congressional Medal of Honor =
And something for one's local hero.
LONG CATEGORY, March 2008:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
She said..."What do you mean by coming home half drunk?"
He said... "What! It's not my fault that I ran out of money!"
Priest... "I do not think you will ever find another man like your late husband."
She said... "Who's looking for one, eh?"
He said.. "What have you been doing with all that grocery money that I gave to you?"
She said..."Turn sideways and look in that mirror, you poor fat bastard!"
He said... "Two inches more, and I would be king!"
She said..."Wow! Two inches less, and you would be queen!"
He said... "Since I first laid eyes on you, pet, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said..."Well, pal, you succeeded in that!"
=
He said... "Why don't you tell me if you reached orgasm?
She said..."I would, but you are never there to ask me!"
He said... "Shall we swap positions today?"
She said..."That makes a cool idea.... you can stand by the fuckin' ironin' board while I sit on the lounge and fart, clown."
On wall in the ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere."
Written under it: "I do not!"
He said... "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it!"
She said..."Sadly, sir, you wear pants, don't ya?"
He said... "Quick! Let's head out and have some fun tonight!".
She said..."Okay, but if you come home before I do, kindly leave the hallway light on!"
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2008:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Golden showers =
Lewd, eh? No, gross!
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2008:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chest pain =
The panics!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2008:
1st - Larry Brash with:
'God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.' =
God gave us beer so we might use it, have some mirth, and score more.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, July 2008:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
As a courtesy to the next customer, may we suggest that you use your towel to wipe off the wash basin. Thank you. =
Next, we want you to wipe the bowl that you use of any faeces marks you cause as they might gross others out. Tut!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, August 2008:
1st - Larry Brash with:
NOTE: This forum is heavily moderated. Spam and troll posts will be removed promptly =
"Spam! Spam! Spam!" is the word. It's all derived from our beloved little Monty Python role.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, August 2008:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Games of the Twenty Ninth Olympiad held at Beijing, China =
The big athletic men, highly fit women and the pandas. Enjoy it!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, September 2008:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
I respectfully request to be relieved from the command of this army =
President Bush reflected: "My time has come to formally quit forever".
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2008:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The International Council of Man Laws.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry, ONLY under these circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog died to save its master.
(b) When you realize that Angelina Jolie is about to button her blouse.
(c) Just after wrecking your boss's prize car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: A man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by friends.
4: If you have known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. Even remembering your mate's birthday is optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the cover for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It's permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you are sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: The girl who replied to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360.
=
13: If a man's fly is down, frankly that's his problem. You didn't see a damn thing.
14: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate it truthfully by quite a similar knowledge of the game and, further, by the ability to drink as many beers as other sports watchers.
15: It's recommended that a man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight hard.
16: Never pause to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not BOTH. Remember, that's plain greedy, rude, unfunny and a crime.
17: If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you'd better likely be talking about his choice of beer, and not his tummy.
18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a former friend of yours. However, you may if she's unreasonably and stubbornly withholding sex pending your response.
19: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you're on the same footing (both urinating or both waiting in line). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is likely all the conversation you will need.
20: Never allow a phone conversation with a woman to run longer than you're able to have intercourse with her. Further, keep a stopwatch by the phone. By the way, hang up if necessary.
21: The morning after you and a married woman, who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling quite weird and guilty isn't a reason for you not to nail her again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
22: It is assumed acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
23: You shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Jan Vermeer's: The Girl with a Pearl Earring =
Prime virgin lets hang a rather rare jewel.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Fatal bushfires in the state of Victoria, Australia =
The rural fires. It is at a cost of lives, fauna, & habitat.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2009:
eq2nd - Larry Brash with:
The keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom!" =
Decree: "We're knights who demand fee or none pass, pet!"
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, March 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
What is 'quantitative easing', if not a license for our banks to print money =
It's a provision, but it ranks equal of an action of Germany in the Twenties.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Roger Daltrey, John Entwistle, Keith Moon, Pete Townshend =
Older men, jointly known as The Who, presented it together.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Don't walk behind, for I may not lead. Don't walk ahead, for I may not follow. Don't walk beside me either. Please leave me the hell alone!
Its always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspapers, that's when its time to go and do it.
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Before you take the opportunity to criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if you criticise them, you're a good mile away and you have their shoes.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for one day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll go sit in a boat and drink beer all day long.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre.
Everyone seems pretty normal until you get to know them.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a handful of car payments.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you're not able to be replaced, you'll never get promoted.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
=
If at first you do not succeed, aerial skydiving is probably not really for you.
If you lend someone (a low feeble jerk) any money and you never see the effete moron again, it was definitely one bloody wise investment.
If you always tell the truth, you do not have to remember a thing.
Some days you are the poor wee bug; any other days you are the windshield.
Probably the quickest way to double your money is to merely fold it in half and immediately just slip it in your back pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Duct tape is somewhat like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the whole Universe together.
There are just two undeniably fine male theories about arguing with anyone female (like the wife at home). Look, neither one will work.
Broadly speaking, you are not learning a lot when your lips are moving. Preferably, also, do not miss a chance to shut up.
Remember, do not, for any reason, take a sleeping tablet and a laxative on the same night.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
The former big-hearted land turned into a drinking nation.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, June 2009:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
In June, as many as a dozen species may burst their buds on a single day.
No man can heed all of these anniversaries; no man can ignore all of them." - Aldo Leopold
=
Us in Oz ain't at all jealous for one second.
Many Australians have designed dream gardens in bloom in all months of a year, enhanced by phenomenal species.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Daniel Radcliffe , Emma Watson, Rupert Grint ~
as Mr Potter, nice girlfriend and awful mate.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2009:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Attention Deficit Disorder =
A trend: doctor identifies it.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, August 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. =
A quote that mirrors the reason people like to die a hero in a racial war, commit an abhorrent offense, begin using heroin, and, informally, it explains the Bush vote.
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Masturbatory fantasies =
A man says to rub it faster!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, September 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Rene Descartes, French philosopher/mathematician =
Men chant the classic phrase: "I ponder, therefore I am".
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, September 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Prostate Specific Antigen =
Test if cancer is eating Pop.
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2009:
Eq2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dehydration =
Hot an' dry... die!
RUDE CATEGORY, October 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Praise genitals =
"It's a large penis!"
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2009:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Laughter is the best medicine =
The genial side is much better.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2009:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Popeye the Sailor Man =
My hero (also, neat pipe).
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
An Army psychiatrist =
Maniac sprays thirty.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Eighteenth World Puzzle Championship in Antalya, Turkey =
Our dazzling hit entertainment which keeps you all happy.
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Anal intercourse =
Into an arse? Cruel.
GENERAL CATEGORY, December 2009:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Christmas Season =
Smash that recession.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2009:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
"In your opinion, what were the best three things that happened in the first decade of the millennium?"
=
1. The end of that idiot Bush.(My top one)
2. The new American president's input.
3. The real winner: The High Life.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, January 2010:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
What do you believe Man's first words should be if we ever make contact with extra-terrestrial beings? =
Whatever BS research it was we had, in future, do not ever stick two big flexible metal rods into my arse.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
An eighty-six year old man went to the local doctor for his usual checkup one day.
The doctor asked how he was going and the old man said:
"I reckon things are great and I have never felt better. Best of all, I now have me a cute pretty little twenty-three year old bride who is three months pregnant with my baby. So, what do you say about that, Doctor?"
The doctor considered that question for a moment or two and then began:
"Let me tell you a story."
"I have an older friend, very much like you and he has never missed a hunting season."
"One day he was setting off to go a hunting trip. Being in a bit of a hurry, he picked up his walking cane instead of his shotgun."
=
"Now, on the lengthy trek north-west, nearing a lake, he came across a very big strong beaver sitting on the waters' shore."
"He realised that he had gone and forgotten his trusty gun and he knew he couldn't shoot this magnificent creature."
"Out of habit, he raised the cane, aimed it at the animal, as if it was his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'Bang! Bang!'"
"Miraculously, two shots rang out and, oh boy, the beaver drops over dead."
"Now, what do you think of that, eh?", enquired the doctor.
The old boy said:
"My, my! I know any fancy logic would say that likely someone else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied "Yes, indeed. My point exactly!"
RUDE CATEGORY, March 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
This may contain traces of nuts =
Fact: That is in anyone's scrotum.
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2010:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Gender reassignment =
Redesign strange men.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Society for the Protection of Unborn Children =
Pro-life bunch is too concerned for her tiny tot.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
This man was walking along a beach, when he found a bottle and picked it up.
A genie magically popped right out and said, "Thanks for letting me out there. For your kindness I will grant you just one wish."
Then the guy said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but cannot do so because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish then is for you to build me a super-highway from here straight to Hawaii."
To that the genie replied, "Sorry, but do not think that I can do that. Now, just you think for a few minutes of all the work involved in this highway from here to Hawaii. Then think of the huge pilings it would need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean."
~
The genie continued: "Oh and you think of all the concrete that I would need to pump. And, as the Pacific is a very long span, I propose it would need to build eight hundred gas stations and relief stops along this highway... Huh! It is a big prohibitive problem. That is just too much to ask. You have to modify it or think of an easier wish."
The guy had thought for a while and said, "One thing I have always wanted to know about. I'd like to be able to understand women - what makes them laugh and cry for joy, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult and painful to get along with... In brief, what makes them tick?"
The genie thought for a while then asked him, "OK, how do you want that highway? With two lanes or four?"
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Woman's G Spot =
"Now!", most gasp.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, July 2010:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
though all her parts be not in th' usual place,
she hath yet an anagram of a good face.
=
Approaching an unfortunate lady: "Oh, has great legs! Oh Hell, shame about that face!"
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Our golden wedding anniversary =
We're old, gray and on nine IV drugs.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson =
It's our landlubber in tense story overseas.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2010:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Open the pod bay doors, please, HAL."
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." =
Data horror! It happened aboard in that old movie film, "A Space Odyssey".
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, December 2010:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love =
Canny rocker duo, but not alive.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2010:
eq3rd - Larry Brash with:
Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome =
Cynic: "Many queer men died from suicide."
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2010:
eq1st - Larry Brash with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"
=
OK Santa, here's the new list I have compiled for you:
Nice:
Most humanist aborigines.
Naughty:
Each of the world leaders.
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2010:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Girls clamor to a ~
clitoral orgasm.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2011:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Australian Floods =
Our island's afloat!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2011:
eq1st - Larry Brash with:
The Periodic Table of Elements =
Al, Be, C, Ds, Fe, He, I, Mo, Ne, Po, Re, Te, Ti, Tl.....
LONG CATEGORY, January 2011:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Headache
A married couple were invited to this really swanky costume party. The wife had gotten a bad headache and told her husband to go on to the party on his own.
Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said: "I will have to take some aspirin and go to bed." and then said that he did not need his good time spoiled by him not going.
Taking his costume with him, away he went. After sleeping very soundly for an hour, the wife awoke without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party herself.
As her husband did not know what costume she would be wearing, she thought she would have some good fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not there with him.
She joined the party and soon found her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every sexy woman he could find, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
=
His wife sidled up to him and as she was a rather seductive babe herself, her husband left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new chic babe that had just strolled in.
Off they went to one of the cars and had a loud hot passionate session.
A little before they unmasked at midnight, she slipped away, went home, hid her costume away and went to bed, wondering what explanation he would have for his behavior and acts.
She was sitting up reading when he arrived, and she asked what kind of night he had.
He said: "Oh... the usual thing. You know I do not have a good time when you're not there."
"Did you dance a lot?"
"You know, I did not dance one dance, though when I got there, I met Pete, Charles Schorsch, his Dad, Greg, Bill Browning and some other golf guys, so we went to the den and played poker all night.
But, wow, you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I had loaned my costume to...."
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2011:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Four-letter words ~
drew foul retorts.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2011:
1st - Larry Brash with:
IS THERE SEX AFTER DEATH?
An older married couple made an agreement that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was any sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was actually nothing at all after death.
After their long life together, the husband was the first one to go and, true to his word, he made first contact:
"Hello, Marion... Marion, are you there?"
"Yes, yes... Please... Is that you, Bobby?"
"Yes, my dear, it is. And, yes, I have come back to make contact with you as we promised."
"That is wonderful, dear! What is it all like?"
"Well... it is pretty great. I get up in the mornings, and I have sex. I have breakfast and then it is off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have a long lunch (you would be proud of me - I'm eating lots and lots of greens now).
Another romp around the golf course, then it is pretty much more sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, well, it is back to the old golf course again.
Then it is more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh yes! Bobby, are you in Heaven?"
"No, no, no... you don't understand... I'm a rabbit in Gundagai!"
=
A man in Brisbane rings his son in Adelaide about two days before Xmas and tells him, "Steve, mate, hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and me are divorcing; after exactly forty years of woeful misery between us."
"What are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't even stand the sight of each other for one minute longer, mate." the father replies, "We are sick of each other, and besides, I am tired enough of talking about it, so you call your sister, Marie, in Darwin and tell her too, mate."
Frantic, the extremely agitated son calls his sister, who, explodes on the phone.
"The idea! No chance, Steve! Stuff that one! The senile duet ain't getting a divorce!" she shouts out, "I'll fix them, mate. Fix them up good and sweet."
She calls up Brisbane straight away and explodes at her father:
"You are not getting a divorce. Don't do a thing before I get there. I am calling my brother back, and after we will both be out over there tomorrow to meet up, until then, wait." and repeats, "Don't do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME, FATHER?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, faces his wife and tells her.
"OK, Kate, that's all fixed. They are coming for Christmas and even paying their own air fares."
RUDE CATEGORY, February 2011:
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Bristol Stool Scale =
Shit selectors' lab tool.
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2011:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
North American Indian =
Red man in a rich nation.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, March 2011:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
"An earthquake achieves what the law promises but does not in practice maintain - the equality of all men" - Ignazio Silone =
When you are in that danger zone, it is best to quit that whole place in a calm fashion, please. (I mean MOVE IT, as in, REAL QUICK!)
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2011:
Eq3rd - Larry Brash with:
Conspiracy theorists ~
ran psychotic stories.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2011:
Eq1st - Larry Brash with:
The Leaning Tower of Pisa =
Operating while not safe?
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, May 2011:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
"How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!"
=
What do you do with a problem like Diana?
Just how'd the Windsor Mafia blow her out?
Conceivably, how to coldly wipe Diana?
Boof! Aim a Merc in a Paris wall, no doubt!
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2011:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
May is National Masturbation Month =
Oust a myth! Onanism? It ain't abnormal!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, June 2011:
1st - Larry Brash with:
Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush star in "The Kings Speech" =
S.. s.. sorry.. ar.. it.. its.. er.. not.. f.. f.. f.. uc.. cking he.. he.. he.. helping!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, June 2011:
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Monty Python's comedy films:
1. The Holy Grail,
2. Life of Brian, and
3. The Meaning of Life. =
1. Eager high noblemen's folly,
2. Faith in the iffy Lord,
3. Impact of this on many old men.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, July 2011:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
International Classification of Diseases, Tenth Revision =
In a real sense, it sorts each affliction into neat divisions.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2011:
1st - Larry Brash with:
United Kingdom Riots =
Drunk idiots emoting.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2011:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The British Riots =
This is it, brother!
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, August 2011:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde =
I will be having ongoing endless affection for one real close to me.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2011:
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Female ballet dancers =
Smaller feet balanced.
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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