Anagrammy Placings by Mike Keith
All the highly-placed anagrams by Mike Keith from the Anagrammy Awards.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 1999:
eq.3rd - Mike Keith with:
The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection =
Imbecile Creationists say: "Non-proof! Hateful genes!"
LONG CATEGORY, May 1999:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
The wren that rages when I sit
Too close to this mulberry tree
Cannot be told, for all her wit
I hung the gourd she guards from me.
=
The egret fussing in the gloom
Sneers curtly - heh! - to torture me;
That horrid budgie in the room
Now raw, castrated fowl shall be.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
hydrogen + zirconium + tin + oxygen + rhenium + platinum +
tellurium + terbium + nobelium + chromium + iron + cobalt +
carbon + aluminum + ruthenium + silicon + ytterbium + hafnium
+
sodium + selenium + cerium + manganese + osmium + uranium +
nickel + praseodymium + erbium + vanadium + thallium + plutonium
=
nitrogen + zinc + rhodium + helium + argon + neptunium +
beryllium + bromine + lutetium + boron + calcium + thorium +
niobium + lanthanum + mercury + fluorine + bismuth + actinium
+
silver + cesium + neodymium + magnesium + xenon + samarium +
scandium + europium + berkelium + palladium + antimony + thulium
[This is a "doubly-true anagram" - if you replace each element with its atomic number (= position in the periodic table), there is still equality:]
1 + 40 + 50 + 8 + 75 + 78 +
52 + 65 + 102 + 24 + 26 + 27 +
6 + 13 + 44 + 14 + 70 + 72 +
11 + 34 + 58 + 25 + 76 + 92 +
28 + 59 + 68 + 23 + 81 + 94
=
7 + 30 + 45 + 2 + 18 + 93 +
4 + 35 + 71 + 5 + 20 + 90 +
41 + 57 + 80 + 9 + 83 + 89 +
47 + 55 + 60 + 12 + 54 + 62 +
21 + 63 + 97 + 46 + 51 + 69
[= 1416]
LONG CATEGORY, June 1999:
eq.2nd - Mike Keith with:
I used to have
A liking, regard, admiration, fancy, unsearchable highs,
Affection, attachment, yearning for, passion,
Devotion, fervor, enthusiasm, idolatry.
I used to cherish, adore, sing your beauty, dote,
Be smitten - so smitten! - charmed, bewitched.
Ooh I shook, I was bitten, amatory, ill-in-love,
Swirling, soaring, sorrowless, alive, well.
I, hero?
Ask them if I loved you.
=
What I now have is
Disaffection, disfavor, enmity, anomisity,
Umbrage, a grudge, a high dudgeon, bitterness of spleen,
Ill blood, acrimony, malice, a wish for revenge.
I hate, detest, abominate, abhor, loathe
Recoil at, shudder at, shrink from, see with horror,
Revolt against, scowl at, disrelish, dislike,
Conceive an aversion to you.
You stink in my nostrils.
I hate you.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
The
Raven
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 1999:
3rd - Mike Keith with:
A simultaneous anagram
and approximate translation of an excerpt from Dante's "Inferno".
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
A set of six anagrams of Shakespeare's sonnet #60,
attempting to match the style and substance of six novels from the 19th and 20th centuries.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
[The first sentence (in all of its purple-prose glory) of Edward
Bulwer-Lytton's novel "Paul Clifford", the first seven
words of which were later appropriated as a running gag by Charles
Schulz.]
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents,
except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent
gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that
our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating
the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
=
Tut-tut! Bulwer-Lytton's known penchant for inelegant, stagnant,
over-affected, cost-inflated prose evokes mirth a hundred years
hence. Ah-ha! A well-known comic strip talent hatches it - a textual
gag for a dog: (Snoopy wags his tail, sits at his typewriter,
fidgets, and then distills a classic theme: "It's raining,
there's no light...")
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 1999:
eq.1st - Mike Keith with:
Shake's
Pair
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Isn't Calista Flockhart really sexy? =
She's flatly ill, tacky, anorexic star.
LONG CATEGORY, November 1999:
3rd - Mike Keith with: [Fiona Apple's new album title]
When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King
What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight
and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring
There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might
So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand
and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights
and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land
and If You Fall It Won't Matter, 'Cuz You'll Know That You're
Right.
=
Oh, no! I knew it!
I thought it was safe to go to the music shop:
Then - like THAT - here's Fiona with her sophomore
(or should it be -ic?) song anthology,
glowingly titled with three-hundred-forty-odd letters.
Ow - a note! My stunned ears! How unhealthy!
What unworthy garbage has now been wrought
by that gawky, whiny non-entity!
That drunken hen drones on...
Her funky mouth wheezes hollow words,
her snake-like flute the melody.
Off, thin white wench!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Madeleine Albright =
Her label: "mediating".
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 1999:
1st - Mike Keith with:
No
by Thomas Hood
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2000:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Anagrams
- Antigrams
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2000:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
Foolish
About Windows
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2000:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
Lo,
as a careful huswife runs to catch
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2000:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
The
Holy Sonnets of John Donne
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2000:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas =
Told a French story about madmen, executions.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2000:
3rd - Mike Keith with:
Sonnet
by Nicolas de Caen
LONG CATEGORY, September 2000:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
Hole, twat, slit, bush,
Lunch, spread, Inside Thing,
Wet Mop, Vertical Smile, "Hello Kitty",
Love-tunnel, Rosebud, Inner self,
Fur piece, Honey pot, Pencil sharpener,
Canyon, crater, canal, The Deep,
Pussy
=
Pecker, schlong, wand, nob,
Pisser, steel shaft, lollipop,
Handyman, Eunuch's itch, little trout,
The Vein Boy, Prince Hairy,
Cunt-slayer, Neutron Warhead,
Love-muscle, little friend, pee-pees,
Penis
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2000:
3rd - Mike Keith with:
Four-Gram-Word
Text (from Will Shak. play)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2001:
3rd - Mike Keith with:
Apt,
Not Hidden, Tale (For a Minor) -- Lewis C.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2001:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
An
anagram of the first 8497 letters of the story "The Metamorphosis"
by Franz Kafka.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, April 2001:
1st - Mike Keith with:
He, Lewis, grabbed the vibrant role,
Assembled dreams and rhymes with glee,
But vowed that one most mighty goal:
Originality.
SPAM CATEGORY, May 2001:
eq.3rd - Mike Keith with:
Check out How Cool Footwear at http://www.howcool.com for all
of the latest trends in footwear, leatherwear, vinylwear, clubwear,
fetish, and accessories from major brands like Underground, T.U.K.,
Pleasers, Tony Shoes, Jante, Dallas Hieghts, Hey Baby, Leg Avenue,
and much more! Our selection is huge! Tell them -GILBERT- sent
you and get $5 off of any purchase! And while you're there, don't
forget to check out our FREE adult photo galleries! ::hubbahubba::
Gilbert G.
Web Design and Web Updates
http://www.howcool.com
gilbert@howcool.com
=
Do you like $5 foot jobs? Trampling? Do you love to grovel before thin, stockinged gams? Do her corns and bunions make you blubber? Alright! How about wee little toes that curl when tickled? Crutches, staples, and therapeutic braces? Oh, well, fine then! Clean off that lap full of pearl jam, you wretched bugger, and reach for the mouse! Cum to www.giggle.org for the best lower-body lechery anywhere. We COST, of course.
Oh, we sell crap Italian shoes, too. ::woohoo::
Arthur C.
Bed Wetting and Fowl Abuse
www.ashamed.net
arthur@ashamed.net
LONG CATEGORY, June 2001:
1st - Mike Keith with:
When
I consider every thing that grows
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2003:
1st - Mike Keith with:
A triply-true anagram
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2003:
1st - Mike Keith with:
The raw materials for 641,959,232,274,432 pairs of anagrammed sonnets.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2005:
1st - Mike Keith with:
To Helen by Edgar Allan Poe
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2005:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Shakespeare's 115th sonnet
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2005:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Nine Anagrammatic Views of Mt. Fuji
(with Kanji)
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2005:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Shakespeare's 66th sonnet
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2005:
1st - Mike Keith with:
His large penis ~
is pleasing her.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, May 2005:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Stars of the Seasons
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2005:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
A 935,763-letter anagram of Moby Dick
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2005:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
Fourth of July weekends in America =
Joyful anthem, audience, fireworks.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2005:
3rd - Mike Keith with:
Hamlet, act V, scene 1
RUDE CATEGORY, October 2005:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Serpentiform =
Term for penis.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2006:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Five poems anagrammed.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, February 2006:
1st - Mike Keith with:
[Below is an anagram of the 98 Scrabble letters into four
5x5 squares. Of course, 98 is less then 100
so two spaces must remain unused - these unfilled spots have
been put in the lower right of the arrangement.
Every one of the 40 horizontal and vertical words can
be found in the current "Tournament Word List" used for
play in North American Scrabble tournaments, which
is in turn based on the current (4th) edition
of the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary.
I also imposed an additional constraint, which was that
the two empty spots could be filled by the two blank
Scrabble tiles to (when assigned the proper letters)
complete the bottom right square so that it has
a full complement of 5-letter words. Making the blanks
E and S turns HON into HONES, CRUD into CRUDE and HYPE
into HYPES.
Below is the anagram in plain text followed by
a picture of an actual board with tiles.
This is the first 4x(5x5) arrangement of the Scrabble
tiles ever constructed.]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH
IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q
RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z
=
TOQUE JOWAR
WRUNG AGONE
AGAPE BIFID
TIKIS OVULE
SCENT TELES
MALAR BATCH
OZONE IVORY
TINED MIXUP
IDEAL ASIDE
FERRY HON
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2007:
1st - Mike Keith with:
Some Shakespeareana
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2010:
2nd - Mike Keith with:
Three-Way Anagram Crossword Puzzle
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2011:
1st - Mike Keith with:
NINETY/TEN + TWELVE - THREE =
TWENTY + ELEVEN - THIRTEEN.
(90/10 + 12 - 3 = 20 + 11 - 13 = 18)
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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