Nominations for May, 2008

Current Nominations for May, 2008 [140]

Anagrammy Awards >Anagrammy Awards Forum > Current Nominations

GENERAL (29)	ENTERTAINMENT (11)	TOPICAL (14)	PEOPLES NAMES (10)
OTHER NAMES (9)	MEDIUM LENGTH (15)	LONG (9)	SPECIAL (3)
UNSPECIFIED (0)	ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE (32)	RUDE (8)	Counts by Author

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY [11 nominations]

Adie Pena with:
The singer Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" =
There's a superb joyous song I'm hearing.

Adie Pena with:
Actor Aristotelis "Telly" Savalas =
So, a realistic TV star eats a lolly.

Ellie Dent with:
"Easy Reading Shakespeare: The Bard in Bite-Size Verse" =
Hey, kids, see a geezer's phrases are abbreviated, innit?

Rosie Perera with:
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull =
All on set think Lucas and Ford enjoyed making this.

David Bourke with:
The Cherie Blair autobiography 'Speaking For Myself' =
A huge ego-trip of a remarkably selfish hypocrite. Bin!

Chris Sturdy with:
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull =
Don't fancy snake-hating heroes? I'd just kill old man!

Adie Pena with:
The American star Woody Allen ~
wrote comedy as art: "Annie Hall."

Adie Pena with:
The Bee Gees' musical movie "Saturday Night Fever" =
See Travolta (i.e., he's the smug bum) give fiery dance.

Adie Pena with:
Eleventh studio album "Hard Candy" is released. ~
The seductively durable Madonna is here, lads!

View with:
'Tony Awards' =
Art nowdays.

Tony Crafter with:
Madonna's 'Sticky & Sweet' Tour =
Tarty woman nods, "Suck it & see!"

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY [14 nominations]

View with:
Serious Devastation =
See tornado visit USA.

David Bourke with:
Labour's worst election results in forty years =
All surely sense it's courtesy of traitor Brown

Rosie Perera with:
The Islamist insurgency =
It's increasingly us-them.

Adie Pena with:
The Microsoft and Yahoo deal =
Lots of head-to-head acrimony.

Adie Pena with:
San Diego State University =
Invites to an easy drug site.

Rosie Perera with:
Polaroid discontinuing their instant film =
Ah, no point in it, since old firm turns digital.

Dharam with:
Clinton fights on amid doubts she can win =
A shift in odd slow-bouncing tennis match.

Adie Pena with:
Paedophile Wayne Nelson Corliss arrested in NJ =
Pale and retired, he now enjoys ass in prison cell!

Rosie Perera with:
Myanmar military junta refuses aid =
Afraid US army, let in, may just remain.

Rosie Perera with:
Jenna Bush marries Henry Hager in Crawford, Texas =
Er, bride has sex on warring father's ranch, May-June.

Rosie Perera with:
Cyclone Nargis ~
circles Yangon.

Rosie Perera with:
Obama erases Clinton's lead among superdelegates =
A man's goal to become US president nears, as alleged.

Adie Pena with:
The Missouri and Oklahoma tornadoes =
Ooh, listen! A dark, ominous storm ahead!

Adie Pena with:
Myanmar: "No to U.N. aid! ~
May damn our nation!"

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY [15 nominations]

Dharam with:
"We cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings."--
Albert Einstein =
Version in a teen's publication since the issues began: "What, me worry?"--
Alfred E. Neuman

Rosie Perera with:
George Bush's presidency disapproval rating hits all-time high =
Poll said seventy percent gag at his horrible, rigid mishaps. Ugh!

Adie Pena with:
Heard this good one lately: Why do we "put our two cents in" but then it is only a "penny for our thoughts"? =
Tip on a thoroughly confounded U.S. Treasury titbit: Has the other penny slowly gone out the window?

Rosie Perera with:
A California lawmaker wants to ban motorists from holding pets on their laps while driving =
No paws on that steering wheel in traffic, morons! Said violators might drop animal (will bark).

Rosie Perera with:
You must be the change you wish to see in the world--Mahatma Gandhi =
Which means you must get Obama in the darn holy gated White House.

Adie Pena with:
Decca's Dick Rowe signs up Brian Poole and the Tremeloes instead. =
One-track-minded person ignores Beatles deal. Choice was stupid!

Adie Pena with:
Dick Rowe to Brian Epstein: "Groups with guitars are on their way out." =
George Harrison, surprised: "A bit patient with you, we can work it out."

View with:
Myanmar says no need for foreign aid distribution =
'Mafia-state' informs any undesired donor. Big irony.

Adie Pena with:
Mike Gilbert's "How I Helped O.J. Get Away With Murder: The Shocking Inside Story of Violence, Loyalty, Regret and Remorse"
=
Some justice? Who cares! I merely need to hawk my niggardly thing. Please forgive this dirty little book. Order here now!

Scott Gardner with:
William Shakespeare's "Tragedy of Antony and Cleopatra" =
Asp kills Egyptian lady Roman hero defeats at ocean war

Chris Sturdy with:
Ten Premier League medals (and many other gongs) in sixteen years of glory =
One may see entitled home player Ryan Giggs and mentor Sir Alex Ferguson!

Rosie Perera with:
"Benefits Supervisor Sleeping" by Lucian Freud sells for record thirty-three million =
Item: Very fat, full-figured British person reclines nude on her bolster. Price: So silly!

Rosie Perera with:
"A vote for John McCain is a vote for George Bush's third term." -- Barack Obama =
Jeer, for Americans got sick of that man's overboard combat behavior. Ugh!

Rosie Perera with:
Polar bears declared a threatened species (due to global warming) =
Bedraggled, same-coloured, dapper water beasts are all on thin ice.

Tony Crafter with:
(Grumpy patron): "Waitress! Is this coffee or tea? It tastes like turpentine!"
=
(Trim young waitress): "It's tea, then. Our coffee tastes like paint-stripper."

THE LONG CATEGORY [9 nominations]

Adie Pena with:
Three sexy blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

Roy, the officer conducting the interview, looked at the three and said, "Well, so you all really want to be cops, eh?"

The blondes announced, "Really!"

Roy got up from his chair, strolled across the room, opened a file drawer and pulled out a manila folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so on."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.

"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

He shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It is just a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

He then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds.

~

He pulled it back and said, "And you? Detect something different about this man?"

"He only has one ear!"

He put his head in his hands and said, "Didn't you hear what I just told her? This is a side profile. Of course you can only see one ear! You're out of it, too!" The second seductive one left.

Pessimistic, he turned to the third sexy blonde and said: "This is probably a waste of time, but..."

He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything different about this man?"

The vivacious blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The pompous officer frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

Outguessed, he looked up at the blonde with a baffled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His database bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

"Well, Helloooo!" the condescending blonde rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Cut the disguise, detective! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"

Rosie Perera with:
"There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself." (Johann Sebastian Bach)

=

Hah, hah! Brilliant! That's easy for that benign bright talented musician to say. But get some jerk to strike his piano at random, then see. Then it's hell.

Tony Crafter with:
WHO? WHY? WHERE?

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and which has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse.

7 have been arrested for fraud.

19 have been accused of writing bad cheques.

116 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least two businesses.

3 have done time for assault.

71 cannot get a credit card due to a bad credit rating.

4 have been arrested on drugs-related charges.

8 have been arrested for shoplifting.

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits.

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year.

So, which of our organizations is this, exactly?

Well ...

It is the 635 members of our House of Commons - that same group, remember, who crank out hundreds of new laws each year to keep the rest of us commoners in line!

Hmm ...

=

THE EASIEST TEST EVER?
(Try this to test your degree of savvy!)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) Which animal gives us catgut?

4) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel-hair brush made from?

6) The Canary Islands are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What colour is a purple finch?

9) Where do Chinese Gooseberries originate from?

10) What colour is the black box in an airplane?

Done?

Perfect!

But you need four correct answers to pass the test, so ... check beneath:

1) 116 years

2) Ecuador

3) Sheep and Horses

4) November

5) Squirrel fur

6) Dogs

7) Albert

8) Crimson

9) New Zealand

10) Orange

Did you succeed and get four?

No?

Feel bad?

Never mind

Send it to five best friends to make them feel bad and you feel fine!

Rosie Perera with:
Some definitions related to the relationship between the sexes:

chick flick n. A movie with themes, characters, or events that appeal more to women than to men.

grass ceiling n. A set of social, cultural, and discriminatory barriers that prevent or discourage women from using golf to conduct business.

leather spinster n. A heterosexual or asexual woman who is happily unmarried and has no desire to seek a mate.

male answer syndrome n. The tendency for some men to answer a question even when they don't know the answer.

man cave n. An area of a house, such as a basement, workshop, or garage, where a man can be alone with his power tools and projects.

potty parity n. The state or condition of having an equal or appropriate number of restrooms for each sex.

wife acceptance factor n. In an object, especially an electronic device, that normally appeals only to men, the qualities or features added to or modified in the object to make it acceptable to women.

=

Some poems are related to love of one sex for the other sex. Quite a few mention flowers. Frequently poems cover an appreciation of woman's rare virtue, fantasy, joy, sorrow, war, seduction, romance, coquetry, damsels, a fellow (Norman) attracted to a commonplace secretary (Anna), wanton madcap Monacan or Moroccan sex capers, snappy cancans, carnal appearances, mascara, mascara, mascara, Canon camera snappers, a parson.

Here is a prime example:

Song to Celia
by Ben Johnson

Drinke to me, onely, with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kisse but in the cup,
And Ile not looke for wine.
The thirst, that from the soule doth rise,
Doth aske a drinke divine:
But might I of Jove's Nectar sup,
I would not change for thine.
I sent thee, late, a rosie wreath,
Not so much honoring thee,
As giving it a hope, that there
It could not withered bee.
But thou thereon did'st onely breath,
And sent'st it back to mee:
Since when it growes, and smells, I sweare,
Not of it selfe, but thee.

Adie Pena with:
1. Meyran Kraus
2. Tony Crafter
3. Andrew Brehaut
4. David Bourke
5. Ellie Dent
6. Rick Rothstein
7. Adie Pena
8. Rosie Perera
9. Scott Gardner
10. Chris Sturdy

=

Hurray! The Top Ten Rankings
1. Incomparable
2. Celebrated Dad
3. Renowned
4. Freaky drunk
5. Reserved
6. Historic
7. Idiotic; Arty
8. Star
9. Sure
10. Treasure

Ellie with:
I hear that after Picasso came home to find someone
in the process of rifling his big new chateau, he drew
a few lines... and the sinner's portrait.

=

On the basis of Picasso's drawing, the police then
arrested a mother superior, the Minister of Finance,
a washing machine and the Eiffel Tower.

Dharam with:
Two divorcee women were enjoying a leisurely Saturday stroll with their dogs. One was walking a Doberman Pinscher on a leash, and the other a tiny Chihuahua. As they sauntered down to Elm Street, the Doberman owner said to her companion, "Gee, I have an idea. See that bar? Let's go over and sit down--I could use a drink."

The woman with the tiny Chihuahua said, "I doubt we can get in. Remember, our dogs are with us."

The woman with the Doberman winked at her friend and giggled, "Hush! Go watch me and then follow my cue."

They crossed traffic to the bar and the woman with the Doberman brought a pair of dark-hued Vogue eyeglasses out of a case, put on the disguise, and walked toward the bar.

The hotheaded man outside the door caught her sleeve and fumed, "Hey! Hey, Lady, heed the sign! I allow no pets!"

The lady with the Doberman Pinscher huffed, "Can't you see I'm blind? This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
~
The bouncer retorted, "Ma'am, I've never seen a Doberman Pinscher as a Seeing-Eye dog!"

The woman said, "Oh yes, we're using a few of them now. They're really very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, simmer down. Come on in, but your friend will have to wait outside."

The woman with the little Chihuahua wondered if telling the bouncer her dog was also a Seeing-Eye dog might be too far fetched, but as she did yet want her drink, thought "Oh well, what the heck" and decided she would try it. So wrestling a pair of darker glasses out of her handbag, she put them on and started up the walkway toward the entrance with the Chihuahua dog in hand.

Just as before, the bouncer snorted, "Lady, we don't allow pets inside the bar!"

The woman said, "Sir, you don't understand. I am blind and this is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The macho doorman said, "That Chihuahua?! A Seeing-Eye dog?!?"

The woman replied, "Damn! They gave me a Chihuahua???!!"

Don Rogers with:
Hillary Clinton visits her doctor. He tells her that, most surprisingly, she is pregnant. Wigging out, she gets on the cell to forward the dire news to her husband. "Bill, you slimeball jerkwad -- you self-centered Arkansas oaf!"

"You told me I wouldn't get pregnant -- again. I TOLD you to wear protection, but AGAIN -- No ma'am! Mind now, what am I supposed to do about it? I need to know! I have a fine career, can't you see that?"

=

Bill Clinton drawls cooingly, "Lawd, anger! I hear you're sore at poopsie-pie, but it can't be so terrible bad."

"Come on, darling," he argues, "you and me, we're goin' to put our two old heads together till we can figure everything out. Love, I make loads with speeches, my foundations and whatnot. Hon, let's us just calm down, think things rationally, and take the road one step at a time."

"First things first. What's your name?"

Dharam with:
A blonde calls up her tall husband at the office one day and asks him, "Honey, can you help me first thing when you get home?"

"Sure," he says, "But what is the problem?"

The blonde cries, "Well, I started this really hard puzzle and it's a hodgepodge. I can't even find the edge pieces!"

He says sensibly, "I'd suggest you look at the box. Is there not a label or picture on the front that shows what the puzzle is?"

"I see it. It's a big rooster," the blonde responds.

The husband has a long hard day. Finally reaching home, he parks the car and gets out. Hungrily, he walks over to the house, proceeds to unlock and open the door, to find a mess inside and his stressed blonde wife still huddled over her project sulking.

The man says "Okay, Honey, put the corn flakes back in the box."

=

A dizzy blonde suspects her boyfriend has been cheating on her, so she schemes to go buy herself an illegal gun at a shady pawnshop, thanks to the crooked storekeeper.

Hurriedly she climbs the steps to the high fifth floor Manhattan studio apartment and turns the doorknob unexpectedly. What does she see, but her oblivious lover in the arms of a dazzling redhead! Well, the blonde is really angry. She unclasps her purse to take out the hidden gun. As she opens it, she is practically overcome by woe and grief. Shakily leaning aside against a wall, she decides to kill herself dead. So she whips out the gun, placing it solidly to her own head.

The boyfriend, taken aback, objects, "Hey, don't! Don't do it!"

The blonde shouts at him, "Shut up, you're next!!"

Count of Nominations by Author

= Nom in all categories (not counting Rude & Unspecified)

Adie Pena	33	(gen 5, ent 5, top 5, ppl 2, oth 2, med 4, lng 2, spc 2, awc 4, rud 2)
Rosie Perera	27	(gen 4, ent, top 6, ppl, oth, med 6, lng 2, awc 6)
Dharam	10	(gen 2, top, med, lng 2, awc 4)
Tony Crafter	8	(gen, ent, oth, med, lng, spc, awc, rud)
View	7	(gen, ent, top, ppl, oth, med, rud)
Chris Sturdy	6	(gen 2, ent, med, awc 2)
David Bourke	6	(gen, ent, top, ppl, awc 2)
Ellie Dent	5	(gen 2, ent, ppl 2)
Andrew Brehaut	5	(gen 2, oth, awc, rud)
Dan Fortier	4	(gen 2, oth, rud)
Larry Brash	3	(gen, awc, rud)
Scott Gardner	3	(gen, ppl, med)
Neil Ramsay	3	(gen, ppl, awc)
Andrew	3	(gen, awc 2)
Ellie	3	(gen, lng, awc)
Paul Pan	3	(gen, oth, awc)
db	2	(ppl, awc)
nr	2	(awc 2)
Rick Rothstein	2	(gen, rud)
Adrian Hickford	2	(awc 2)
Don Rogers	1	(lng)
David A Green	1	(oth)
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons	1	(awc)

The Anagrammy Awards

Current Nominations for May, 2008 [140]

THE GENERAL CATEGORY [29 nominations]

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY [11 nominations]

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY [14 nominations]

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY [10 nominations]

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY [9 nominations]

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY [15 nominations]

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY [32 nominations]

THE LONG CATEGORY [9 nominations]

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY [3 nominations]

THE RUDE CATEGORY [8 nominations]

Count of Nominations by Author