Current Nominations for February, 2012 [41]

Anagrammy Awards >Anagrammy Awards Forum > Current Nominations

THE GENERAL CATEGORY [7 nominations]

HSP with:
When all the sands of time run out, ~
we halt; no hours and minutes left.

Josiah W (Aw, I Josh.) with:
Anagram as a fortuneteller =
A.A. rearrangement falls out!

Adie Pena with:
Erroneously ~
rely on euros.

db with:
A "woman in comfortable shoes" ~
has common lesbian footwear.

Larry Brash with:
Neurosurgeons: ~
"Our nurse's gone!"

HSP with:
Money discrepancies? =
Yes... Prices and Income!

Tony Crafter with:
Those bitter-sweet memories =
Better? Sometimes otherwise.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY [5 nominations]

Ivan Andonov with:
“The Satanic Verses” by Salman Rushdie =
Such essays threaten evil Arab minds.

Adie Pena with:
The Irish actor Pierce Brendan Brosnan =
British screen-hero part: A cannier Bond.

Tony Crafter with:
Madonna performs at this year's Super Bowl =
Her bootie warms up randy male sports fans!

HSP with:
She Stoops To Conquer by Oliver Goldsmith =
Too high-born lover's quest is comedy's plot

Dharam with:
"Toddlers in Tiaras" =
Traditional dress?

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY [6 nominations]

Rosie Perera with:
Arab unrest =
Burnt areas.

Paul Pan with:
Mitt Romney wins Florida primary ‡
Fiery Mormons party wild. Martini?

Ivan Andonov with:
The football tragedy in Port Said =
Bad death toll for Egyptian riots.

Dharam with:
Oh joy! Yes, it's Groundhog Day all over again =
Groggy loyal rodent in Ohio says, "Ha! Deja vu!"

Rosie Perera with:
Monsanto named worst company of the year =
Many men who can destroy one's potato farm

Adie Pena with:
The NY Giants beat the Patriots =
The best yet in that sport again!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY [3 nominations]

Tony Crafter with:
Automotive engineer Ferdinand Porsche =
Car-federation genius reinvented oomph!

Ellie with:
Scots writer Conan Doyle =
Answers nicely to 'Doctor'

View with:
Mohamed Nasheed =
Oh, me! A shamed end!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY [6 nominations]

nedesto with:
Newest iPad =
I want speed!

Tony Crafter with:
East India =
Asian diet

View with:
The Syrian city of Homs =
Home of nasty hits. I cry.

Ember Nickel with:
Neurologists=
surgeons toil

Paul Pan with:
Ardbeg Uigeadail Single Malt Whisky =
Beguiling Islay dram awakes delight.

Josiah Winslow with:
Best Buy carries Dell, Toshiba, Apple, and more! =
Computers in site probably had able leaders.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY [4 nominations]

db with:

The former chief executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland Frederick Anderson Goodwin ("Fred the Shred") =
Knighthood for execrable thief was considered undeserved, and correctly taken off of him therefor.

HSP with:
Thirteen miles (all roads) of foot pain and heavy breathing... =
I bet the event is Reading Half Marathon on April Fools day!

Ellie with:
A favourite short joke:

Two Guernsey cows, Milly and Daisy are walking into lush field, when Milly stops, saying loudly, 'MOO!'
~
Our Daisy, meek, mild, follows on loyally; looks with curiosity over huge new fields replying: 'Damn.
I was just gonna say that.

HSP with:
John Terry had race probe talks; FA didn't support Fabio Capello...=
Harry Redknapp is the clear candidate, up for football's top job

THE LONG CATEGORY [4 nominations]

Tony Crafter with:
Did you know that:

It takes your food just seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support three kilograms.

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

People's thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than that of a man.

There are approximately one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men do.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.

Your body uses three hundred muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva can't dissolve something, then you can't taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

=

A short while ago an innovative new supermarket opened in Kansas.

The store has an automatic water-mister built in to ensure that produce stays extra-fresh. Just as it comes on, you hear the rumble of distant thunder and smell the scent of fresh rain.

When roaming past the milk cartons, you hear cows mooing as you smell that scent of newly-mown grass.

In the meat section, there is the aroma of char-grilled steak with onions.

When you move to the eggs section, the air is filled with the hubbub of hens clucking, plus the aromas of bacon and eggs frying.

Then, in the bread section, there are the evocative smells of breads, pies and biscuits baking. Oh, yum!

I don't buy my toilet paper there anymore.

Dharam with:
Posting Permissions

You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
=
I must stay a stony guest, without any
opportunity to pen my petty comments,
analyse or assess you, add photos,
or promote my opinions?

Ember Nickel with:
Aural Occurrence:

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. At our bar, we don't serve minors." So, E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a couple drinks, the fifth's diminished. G is out flat. C slurs. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D heads for the toilet saying, "Pardon, I'll just be a second."

A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not sure that this relative of C is not a minor. He notices B-flat occupying the bar, and yells "Rise or get out now! You're the seventh minor I've seen in this bar today."

The E-flat, not deflated, comes back on the following night in a gray 3-piece suit and nicely shined shoes.
=
The bartender says: "Hi, you're looking sharp tonight, come on in the bar! This might be a major development." This proves to be the case, as E-flat takes off the suit, doffs everything else, and then is au naturel.

After imbibing, C eventually sobers up, and sees in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial without fighting, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and sentenced to 3 years of DS without fine at an eminent, upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, C is found blameless of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.

nedesto with:
A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea.

But before she could throw herself in, this fetching young man stopped her.

“You have too much to live for!” said the nice man.

“I’m a sailor, and since we are going to Australia, I can stow you aboard the ship. I will take care of you and bring you food and keep you safe.”

And so, with nothing to lose, the woman accepted. Plus, she had wanted to see Australia anyway.

That very night the sailor took her aboard the ship, hiding her into a small compartment.
~
Each night he would bring her good food, a bottle of wine, and would make happy love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was found out by the captain during an inspection of the hold.

“Bloody hell! What are you doing?” the furious captain asked her .

“I have an agreement with one of your sailors,” the woman said. “He brings me food and I get a trip to Australia.”

“So you say,” the captain says.

Her conscience got the better of her and she soon added heavily, “Also... he’s screwing me.”

“He most certainly is, ma'am,” said the captain. “This is the Portsmouth Ferry.”

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY [1 nominations]

Tony Crafter with:
Titanic Poem - 'The Destroyer'.

Out of the night it came, that menace of the seas,
Unmarked by sound and unobserved, its prey of souls to seize;
A pallid shape, dim in the fog, a monster, on it came.
And wallowed in the ocean path, its toll of deaths to claim.

All boasts of modern safeguards, mere affectations were;
Inventive minds it mocked and giant ships seemed dwarfs to her.
That mammoth ship, with armor plate, was but a cockle-shell,
And when its unseen hand reached out, with ease the giant fell.

And then it laughed; it closed its hand; then watched the work it wrought;
The frenzied screams of dying men, sweet music to it brought.
Unmoved it stood, with eager mien, while fifteen hundred souls
Went struggling down for evermore to rest in watery holes.

Its evil deed accomplished, it drew a conquering breath,
And all about the wreckage, a shadow cast of Death.
The mightiest of giant ships had just obeyed its nod,
And fifteen hundred souls their final voyage made to God.

=

'A Damaged Vessel' - The Unfit Leader

Into the light it came, a princess of the sea,
With silent grace it sleekly showed its might and majesty
But wait... it should not be this near! Yet nearer still it came;
The waiting rocks of Giglio prepared to stake their claim.

A crunch! resounded through the ship, the rocks tore through its side,
"Where is the captain? Find this man!" the frightened people cried.
A boss to give the signal for the lifeboats to be manned,
A stolid, steadfast man of status, someone who'd command.

A man to tell them what to do, who minded, was well versed,
Who'd activate that vital rule: 'Women and children first'!
"Where did the captain go?" demanded victims in distress;
They quizzed the crew but no one knew - all they could do was guess...

Fear and pandemonium were buffeting around,
And then that fateful shout of fear: "My God, she's going down!"
Some were doomed to be snuffed out, they'd live and laugh no more...
Meantime, Captain F. Schettino was safe and sound on shore.

THE RUDE CATEGORY [5 nominations]

HSP with:
Hatefully homophobic =
Macho bully, he hit poof.

HSP with:
Real pain in the arse ~
à la penis in the rear!


View with:
Agile sex partner =
Extra Large Penis

Tony Crafter with:
Shoot semen =
One hot mess.

HSP with:
I drink to excess
=
Dick tries... no sex!

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