Nominations for August, 2010

Current Nominations for August, 2010 [168]

Anagrammy Awards >Anagrammy Awards Forum > Current Nominations

GENERAL (41)	ENTERTAINMENT (23)	TOPICAL (21)	PEOPLES NAMES (17)
OTHER NAMES (14)	MEDIUM LENGTH (11)	LONG (5)	SPECIAL (10)
UNSPECIFIED (0)	ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE (17)	RUDE (9)	Counts by Author

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY [23 nominations]

Tony Crafter with:
The regional amateur Latin dancing competitors =
An ace partner led a hot girl in time to tango music!

View with:
'Dracula' by Bram Stoker =
Dark or subtly macabre.

Adie Pena with:
Aphrodite of Milos [or the "Venus de Milo"] =
Idiot hopes arms of model in the Louvre!

Rosie Perera with:
The Lonely Goatherd =
Hero, yodel at length!

Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet, "Impression, Soleil Levant" =
Millions to love sun-laden masterpiece.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare =
Beware as jackals lie, easily usurp him.

Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet, "Impression, Soleil Levant" =
Neat old "sun" masterpiece millions love.

Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's 'Impression: Sunrise' =
It seems sun and colours inspire me.

Scott Gardner with:
Van Gogh, "Wheatfield with Crows" =
We watch overshadowing flight.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci =
Ah, innocently avoid a broad smile.

Scott Gardner with:
Peter Paul Rubens's "Venus at the Mirror" =
Primper au naturel stuns the observer.

Ivan Andonov with:
A very labile teen on ~
“Leave Britney Alone”

Tony Crafter with:
The movie Captain Corelli's Mandolin =
Romantic love set in mid Cephallonia.

Scott Gardner with:
The Taiwanese film "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" =
Ang Lee'd direct two-hour fighting drama in Chinese.

Scott Gardner with:
"Winged Victory of Samothrace" sculpture =
Gets capacity crowds in the Louvre forum.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Treasure Island" by Robert Louis Stevenson =
Story is overture to landlubbers, in a sense.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The film "Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky" =
Lovely historic frocks and cheating man.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
World of Anagrams by Zoran Radisavljevic =
A major canvassing of old verbal wizardry.

Don Rogers with:
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid =
Shy in cash at end, buddies can't duck!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Top Gear with host Jeremy Clarkson =
Wealthy jerk promoting those cars.

Meyran Kraus with:
'Twilight' novel series =
Girlish 'tweens' love it!

David Bourke with:
Pakistani cricketers ~
in practice, take risks.

Mey K. with:
The Mona Lisa in the Louvre, Paris =
Oh, she's a true marvel in oil paint!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY [21 nominations]

Neil Ramsay with:
Pope said religion had ~
organised pedophilia.

View with:
Senate Confirms Kagan to Supreme Court =
No true arguments, no fear. OK, accept miss!

View with:
The China landslide =
Nice hills and Death.

Adie Pena with:
The landslides in China =
I scanned death in hills.

Adie Pena with:
Opinion: Recreational pot's fine in ~
California Proposition Nineteen.

Tony Crafter with:
Peter Crouch and Abigail Clancy =
A celebrity coupling. An arch cad!

Rosie Perera with:
The profane JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater =
Just stole the beer and left that plane after venting!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Barack Obama is the worst president in history" =
Boss is beset with honor attacker in primary ad.

Meyran Kraus with:
Obama seems deterred by huge ratings decline =
"I'd grab some beer and use that emergency slide!"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Estamos bien, en el refugio, los 33" =
No miner eulogies: Lost 33 be safe!

Rosie Perera with:
The so-called "Ground Zero Mosque" =
Some God-quarrel clouds the zone!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Henson's wife gave original Kermit to Smithsonian =
What an emotional vision! I miss the green-skin frog!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Its falling apart at the seams =
This parliament's fatal stage.

View with:
Eggs from Iowa farms could come to a table near you =
Omelet food-bug's long way from America to a saucer.

Ivan Andonov with:
Fires teasin’ around ~
Russian Federation.

Tony Crafter with:
Those Chilean miners =
Tons lie here in chasm.

Meyran Kraus with:
The collapsed Chilean mine =
Ethnic males placed in hole.

Meyran Kraus with:
A collapsed mine =
One dismal place!

Tony Crafter with:
We're approaching a 'double-dip' recession. =
i.e:
Up (bear)
Down (panic)
Rise (glee!)
Drop (chaos)

Ellie Dent with:
The trapped thirty-odd Chilean miners =
It's hot, dirty and cramped in there...HELP!

Tom Myers with:
The United States of America's political process =
A forum is set to elect a socialist chap President.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY [11 nominations]

Adie Pena with:
Marc Mezvinsky marries Chelsea Victoria Clinton today =
Nosy moral American citizens love very dramatic kitsch.

Rosie Perera with:
"There is more to life than increasing its speed." Mahatma Gandhi =
I maintain that less haste in the mad herd is forging more peace.

Adie Pena with:
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
1. Self-Actualization
2. Esteem
3. Love and Belonging
4. Safety Needs
5. Physiological Needs =
Man's Lifestyle Needs:
1. Gee, a Wife!
2. Lunch/Dinner Dates
3. Glasses of Alcohol
4. Playboy Magazine's Hot Videos
5. Erection

Dharam Khalsa with:
R. Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" =
Frenzied man concentrates on metaphysical or grit.

Tony Crafter with:
Chelsea Clinton's bridal gown is most sumptuous! I see that it's a present from her daddy. =
Amen! Proud day, chic gesture. It's not the first time Bill's splashed out on a woman's dress.

Ellie Dent with:
"When summer gathers up her robes of glory, and like a dream of beauty glides away." Sarah Helen Power Whitman. =
Oh, warmth and sweet perfume; animals play, gorgeous amber hues, the hedgerow berry. I know rainy Fall's ahead.

David Bourke with:
The Mick Tully Memorial Award for the Most Consistent Anagrammatist of the Year =
Let's commemorate him...to a friend at rest, tragically taken away from us this month.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The extraordinary lengths some people go to to overcome an addiction =
Trapped in a gold mine, no cigars...?
Aye, so three month detox!
Too, too clever!

David Bourke with:
Wendy Lewis of Blackpool in Lancashire - "The Most Disgusting Woman in Great Britain" =
Dunce was distinctly shown pissing on a war memorial, then after it, obliging a bloke!

Larry Brash with:
Journal of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists =
Why has it an annoying article on Prozac, just full of real old data releases?

Meyran Kraus with:
A highly ruthless remark of a lad to a lady in a very good film ('Gone With The Wind'): =
"Rhett! If you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?"
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY [17 nominations]

Larry Brash with:
My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors.
President Barack Obama =
I'm so glad that crazy loser Bush fucked off. Any bastard must be a fabulous improvement on the last indiscrete brewery toy-boy. The new dude has been a terrific chief; looks better for US.

Tony Crafter with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
"What a year it's been running our US! The Libyan bomber stuff; the effect of BP's leak; our destabilized economy; wars; cutbacks; terrorism; the odd locust...
My beloved forefathers had it easy!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed,
mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors." President Barack Obama =
After a cerebral debate, but years before my solemnized oath, busy-bee life and bloodthirsty obstructors,
check out my off-the-cuff remark, "What Washington needs is adult supervision!"

Adie Pena with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors." President Barack Obama =
Because the fifty states' so stuffy Republicans couldn't care to offer a needed break to somebody who inherited all the dirty bunkum from that very brainless boozer: America's G. W. Bush.

Neil Ramsay with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
Ford informed the FBI,
Carter's cold war fed them lies.

Reagan's shot was a furtive act,
Bush's Storm - an oily pact.

Frisky Clinton - rub a dub dub,
Then they set free Beelzebub!

Aye, you seem OK too...

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
"Severely frustrated by a Republican system whose dumbheads act stubborn to thus block key reforms, I often wish you had elected that feeble geriatric buffoon from Arizona instead."

Larry Brash with:
My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors.
President Barack Obama =
Chart a course for the United States of America.
He does it:
by better business/work stuff,
by faster government,
by key economic bills,
by health reform update and subdue oil flow hazard.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed,
mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors." President Barack Obama =
Brazen bureaucrats
And shifty-ass
Republicans,
And Madoff,
Crooked lobbyist
Kowtowers --
Hey, they got
Overt bullies!
But, yes, the fresh
Ambitious elected
Man offered
Authentic reform!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust
you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors." President Barack Obama =
"Back off, you Bush-whacked Republicans, ritzy moderate Democrats--both!
Study steadfast, honest Founding Fathers of our US. Remember a fact:
They were sensibly liberal, believe it or not!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust
you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors." President Barack Obama =
Ah, certainly that's what he effused, yet may have scoffed recently:
"I'm outnumbered by stubborn obfuscators, brutalizing stockbrokers, fatal filibusterers.
(aside) We're doomed, no hope!"

Ivan Andonov with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
A tree cut, coups burst, firestorm of war descends, so observe the beauty of the analysis of freedom by this allegedly meek Hawaiian-born half-breed, but don't be fuckin' crazy to trust him!

David Bourke with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors." President Barack Obama =
Succeeds deflated, seedy cowboy "Dubya". Transforms from a virtuous but scruffy bat-eared basketball player to first black man in the White House...zero to hero in eighteen brief months!

Andrew Brehaut with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
I remember by February house prices suffered, the crazy global financial crisis 'fad' started - the knockout was that some odd, nutty buffoons bubbled some oil everywhere on that state.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors." President Barack Obama =
My entry: Bravo, fantastic! Buffs say he's got backbone! But, test a full busy four-year term; then, if he's a failure or boozer, do like we did with predecessor Bush and elect him to a second term!

Ellie Dent with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
Black and white brothers, we're the same underneath, but I'm boss; hybridized, imperfect, yes, but of good stock, must stay safe and free of chains, for best yet of our brave country.
Allelulia.

Meyran Kraus with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
The Future of Barack

When I became the president, Bush sure left for me:

Five Oil rigs fishy,
Four Bankers crazy,
Three Auto brands costly
Two Mideast battles bloody
And A busted economy!

View with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
United States of America and me are ONE! We can make our lives of mostly satisfactory depth better, surer, hurt-free, brisk, rightful, cozy! No fools, bad ebbs, the odd filthy hubbub... Yes we can!

THE LONG CATEGORY [5 nominations]

Tony Crafter with:
SENIOR CENTRE

It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre, and Claude the hypnotist declared: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.

Claude said: 'I want you all to keep your eyes on this watch. It is very special and has been in my family for five generations.'

He began to swing the watch slowly back and forth while gently purring, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch...' The old audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, the light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes all followed the watch until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

'Shit!' cursed the hypnotist.

It took three days to clear up the Centre.

=

SENIOR ROAD TRIP

Whilst away on a road trip, an old couple stopped at a cafe to have lunch.

After finishing their lunch, they left the table to continue the trip.

Exiting the cafe, the woman unwittingly left her spectacles on the table inside, and didn't miss them until they'd driven thirty miles.

To make matters worse, they had to go quite a few miles down the freeway to find somewhere safe to turn round before they could go back to pick up the spectacles.

All the way back, the husband was the classic waspish, tetchy old man. He cussed and complained during the whole drive, tactlessly criticizing his wife's mistake. The more he ranted, the tetchier he became, not letting up on his incessant whining for a minute.

To the wife's relief, they finally reached the cafe. As the woman zipped out of the car and ran in to get her spectacles, the old guy called to her, "And while you're in there, you may as well get my hat and credit cards!"

Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO ON THE INTERNET WHEN DRUNK*
1. Respond to anything work-related
2. Chat with family members
3. Change your password
4. Use your credit card
5. Describe your level of intoxication in a status update
6. Email an ex
7. Forward a funny email
8. Film a YouTube response video
9. Download porn
10. Read the news.

=

TOP TEN REASONS TO GET DRUNK
1. New Year
2. A promotion
3. A divorce
4. A new pub opened in our area
5. Product's expiration date today
6. If you don’t drink it, someone else decidedly will
7. World culture [Try that French wine]
8. Human study in a tavern
9. Anal sex and such
10. Hemingway shot himself after being sober for two months.

Ellie Dent with:
The quiet biologist says: 'I study the principles of life.'

The experimental psychologist says: 'We are all controlled everywhere by the principles of life.'

The mature businessman says: 'Not me, old man. Heavens no... on the contrary. You see, my business can use its mighty force to control the economy quite easily.'

=

The economist says coolly: 'Well, the forces of the economy will control your business.'

The engineer says : 'My equations represent a perfect model of the universe.'

The physicist says brightly: 'No. Essentially, boy, the perplexing universe is a model built up of my equations.'

The mathematician says: 'I don't care.'

Dharam Khalsa with:
A blonde in pigtails, seeking to earn some money, decides to hire herself out as a handywoman and begins canvassing rich neighborhoods. She walks up to the front door of the first house and asks the owner if he has any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint this porch. How much will you charge to do it?"

The blonde fidgets, hesitates, and asks, "How about fifty dollars?"

The man agrees and tells her that the paint, masking tape, ladder, etc. that she will need are in the garage.

The man's wife hears the conversation and asks her husband, "Does she know that the porch extends all the way around the house?"

The man replies, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short while later, the blonde walks up to the door to collect her money.

"Are you finished with that task already?" the man asks in disbelief.

"Sure," the blonde answers, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two vivid coats!"

Impressed, the man digs deep inside his pocket for the money.

"And by the way," the blonde adds, as she takes the fifty dollars, "it is not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

=

A blonde housewife is tired of all the blonde jokes, and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. To illustrate to her husband that blondes are actually smart, she decides to paint a couple of rooms and ceilings in their home while he is at work.

The next day, after her husband leaves, the happy woman gets right down to the task.

Her husband comes home, notices high scaffolding and detects the distinctive odor of half-dried paint. Startled, the man walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. Then he sees that she has on a ski parka and a shaggy mohair coat.

Hugging her, he asks her, "Honey, are you OK?"

The listless, headachy blonde sniffs, "Yes."

He asks her what she was trying to do.

The wife answers that she wanted to prove that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting their home.

He asks her why she is so overdressed in her ski parka and a fur coat.

She replies that she merely read the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."

Meyran Kraus with:
A few public flashes of wit we value, by some well-known people of a bygone era:

"A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes." (Mahatma Gandhi)

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." (Martin Luther King Jr.)

"There are no facts, only interpretations." (Friedrich Nietzsche)

"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." (Mark Twain)

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." (Albert Einstein)

"France does not have friends, only interests." (General Charles de Gaulle)

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." (H.G. Wells)

=

And, sadly, here is this bunch of citations from the so-called stars of current times:

"YOU'RE A PAIN IN MY ASS!" (Mel Gibson to a former girlfriend)

"Walmart? Do they, like, sell walls there?" (Heiress Paris Hilton)

"Well, let's see. There's... of course, in the great history of America, there have been rulings." (Sarah Palin, the candidate for Vice President, can't think of Supreme Court decisions on CBS News)

"When you have an enemy to fight, then you can unite the entire world behind you, and you seize power. That was Hitler's plan." (Glenn Beck on Al Gore's campaign against global warming)

"German? I don't know what that means. We don't say that in America." (The teen idol Justin Bieber)

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY [10 nominations]

Tony Crafter with:
NELSON AND HARDY ON THE EVE OF BATTLE.

NELSON: Order the signal, Hardy.

HARDY: Aye, aye sir.

NELSON: Just a minute; that is not what I dictated, what is the meaning of this?

HARDY: Sorry sir?

NELSON (reading out loud): “England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, culture, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability”. What gobbledegook is this?

HARDY: It's Admiralty policy, I’m afraid, sir. We are an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil’s own job getting 'England' past the EU censors, lest it be construed as racist.

NELSON: Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and my tobacco.

HARDY: I'm sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments.

NELSON: In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle.

HARDY; The rum ration has been withdrawn, Admiral. It is part of the Government’s policy on binge drinking.

NELSON: Good heavens Hardy, no rum? I suppose we had better get on with it then… full speed ahead.

HARDY: Um... I think you’ll find that there is now a four-knot speed limit in this stretch of water.

NELSON: Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in naval history! We must advance with all dispatch. Let me have a report from the crow’s nest please.

HARDY: That won’t be possible, sir.

NELSON: What?!

HARDY: Health and Safety have closed the crow’s nest. No harness; and they said that rope ladders do not meet regulations. They won’t let anyone up there; not until suitable scaffolding can be erected.

NELSON: Then you must deploy the ship’s carpenter without delay, Hardy.

HARDY: Um... that won’t be possible either, sir.

NELSON: What! Why not, man?

HARDY: He is busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck, Admiral.

NELSON: Wheelchair access? Humbug! I have never heard anything so absurd!

HARDY: Health and Safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently-abled.

NELSON: Differently-abled? I only have one arm ~
and one eye, and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn’t progress to the rank of Admiral by playing the disability card.

HARDY: Er... actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiencies.

NELSON: Good Lord! Whatever next? Give me full sail. The breeze and the salt spray beckon!

HARDY: A couple of problems there also, sir. Health and Safety won’t let the crew climb the rigging without hard hats. And they don’t want anyone breathing in too much salt – haven’t you seen the adverts?

NELSON: Bejabbers! I profess I’ve never heard such garbage! Break out the cannons and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.

HARDY: It seems the men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.

NELSON: What? This is mutiny!

HARDY: It’s not that, sir. It’s just that they’re afraid of perhaps being charged with murder if they actually, well... kill someone. There’s a pair of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.

NELSON: Then how are we to sink the French and Spanish aggressors?

HARDY: Er... we’re not, sir.

NELSON: We’re not?

HARDY: No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our steadfast European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn’t even be in this stretch of water. We might get clobbered with a compensation claim.

NELSON: But we detest the Frogs as we detest the devil.

HARDY: Best not let the ship’s diversity co-ordinator hear that sir. You’ll be up on a disciplinary report.

NELSON: Don't you consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of the King?

HARDY: Not any more, sir. We need to, quote: 'be inclusive in this multicultural age.' Now put on this padded Kevlar vest, please. It’s the rules, and could save your life.

NELSON: Don’t tell me – Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?

HARDY: As explained, sir, rum's off the agenda. And there’s a ban on corporal punishment.

NELSON: And... what about sodomy?

HARDY: I believe that is now legal, sir.

NELSON: In that case: Kiss me, Hardy!

Christopher Sturdy with:
You sunburnt sicklemen, of August weary,
Come hither from the furrow and be merry.
Make holiday: your rye-straw hats put on,
And these fresh nymphs encounter every one
In country footing.

=

Seven moons of humdrum, yea creep on past
Hurry on by; then year's eighth month, at last
Enforce time off earnt for your weary mind
untuck your usual work shirt, rest unwind.

Cheery, gone, bye!

Neil Ramsay with:
Learn To Like
BY
Robert Service

School yourself to savour most
Joys that have but little cost;
Prove the best of life is free,
Sun and stars and sky and sea;
Eager in your eyes to please,
Proffer meadows, brooks and trees;
Nature strives for your content,
Never charging you a cent.

Learn to love a garden gay,
Flowers and fruit in rich array.
Care for dogs and singing birds,
Have for children cheery words.
Find plain food and comfort are
More than luxury by far.
Music, books and honest friends
Outweigh golden dividends.

Love your work and do it well,
Scorning not a leisure spell.
Hold the truest form of wealth
Body fit and ruddy health.
Let your smile of happiness
Rustic peace serenely stress:
Home to love and heart to pray--
Thank your God for every day.

=

Via, Veritas, Vita

nr

Before www, we used VVV
"Via, Veritas, Vita" earned your degree.

--

A flatulent flatmate destroys my lie-in,
forlorn, fretty and yelling.

Through Belfast outcry I ascertain;
he's discovered he's Andrexless yet again.

(He's fondly known to us as Sledge.
Gets pulled by cold, scruffy dogs, it's alleged)

Before showering, I shave my soap.
Rory's a red-head, not only on top.

...ERROR...
lectures
...ERROR...

We adjourn to the Union,
to look at Cher ride her cannon.

Rocky is drooling; poor, horny loner.
So I nip for our orders; Four yards of Fosters.

After the orders, I hone my kebabsmanship,
on fodder of donner and curry chips.

A fresh gust of gravity lands me on my back,
The kebab upside up: secure, intact.

Home at last - our heads to lay.
Fulfilled, content: another lost day.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The following is from the book "One Hundred Love Sonnets" ("Cien Sonetos de Amor") by the author Pablo Neruda.
This is the seventeenth sonnet from the first section, which I have presented first in its original Spanish text,
then as the newly anagrammed English translation given below.

The Original Spanish:

Love Sonnet - Manana XVII
by Pablo Neruda

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de chaveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de si, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que acendio de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber como, ni cuando, ni de donde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
asi te amo porque no se amar de otra manera,

sino asi de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mia,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueno.

=

Anagrammed sequel arranged into English (enhanced):

Love Sonnet - Tomorrow

I do not love thee as if comparable to a salt-rose or a topaz,
or a carnation's point a flame shoots obliquely off on occasion.
I love thee as certain dark things are made to be loved,
in a magic secret code, between opaque illusion and the immortal soul.

I love thee as if comparable to a quivering coleus that cannot bloom
but possesses a maroon luminescence inside.
Inspired by love and acceptance, a certain solid aroma,
emanates from earth, permeating me, remaining concealed.

I love thee without question, measure or reason;
Unornamented, unadorned love, free from impassioned promises,
complexities, ego needs, or masquerading pride;
just because I can conceive of no other means

than a nearness where "I" does not exist, nor "thee",
so near that your amorous hand on my chest equals my hand,
so near that your amorous eyes acquiesce and close in a slumber also,
as I fall asleep at last.

Tony Crafter with:
JENNIFER JUNIPER
By
Donovan Leitch

Jennifer Juniper lives upon the hill,
Jennifer Juniper, sitting very still.
Is she sleeping? I don't think so.
Is she breathing? Yes, very low.
Whatcha doing, Jennifer, my love?

Jennifer Juniper, rides a dappled mare,
Jennifer Juniper, lilacs in her hair.
Is she dreaming? Yes, I think so.
Is she pretty? Yes, ever so.
Whatcha doing, Jennifer, my love?

I'm thinking of what it would be like if she loved me.
You know just lately this happy song it came along
And I like to somehow try and tell you.

Jennifer Juniper, hair of golden flax.
Jennifer Juniper longs for what she lacks.
Do you like her? Yes, I do, Sir.
Would you love her? Yes, I would, Sir.
Whatcha doing Jennifer, my love ?

Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper.
Jennifer Juniper vit sur la colline,
Jennifer Juniper assise très tranquille.
Dort-elle? Je ne crois pas.
Respire-t-elle? Oui, mais tout bas.
Qu'est-ce que tu fais, Jenny mon amour ?
Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper, Jennifer Juniper.

=

JENNIFER ANISTON.
By
Mr Roger Jolly Jr.

Jennifer Aniston gives me such a thrill,
Jennifer, loving girl, why's she single still?
Luscious as fresh guacamole,
I'd ditch Angelina Jolie
If I were Brad Pitt, he's just insane.

Jennifer Aniston, Cupid's arrow missed,
Jennifer, injured girl, who I'd love to kiss,
Is she perfect? Yes I'd hope so,
Is she worth it? Yes I know so,
Jenny I will fix your hurting heart.

I'm thinking I'll pick up my trunk and just journey round,
If I should find her, happy we'll be Jenny 'n' me,
And perhaps I'll pop the question to her?

Jennifer, groovy girl, juicy like a pear,
Well-equipped, cherry lipped, jojoba in her hair,
You were hurt unjustly, Jenny,
Hunks like Pitt are ten a penny,
Dimpled Jenny, how I do love you.

Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer;
Jennifer Aniston, vraiment je t'adore,
Jennifer, oui, je t'aime, tu es mon amour,
Pourquoi pleure-t-elle? Je ne sais pas,
Est-elle heureuse? Je ne crois pas,
Vive la vie et vive La Jennifer!
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, oh, Jennifer!

FIN.

Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet Thirty
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

=

My Final Answer To My Friends
I, on the edge of a supernal night,
Can't fathom why these relatives and friends
Had wept and wondered how can someone end,
And asked if me I've seen some giant lights...
Essentially, I scoff at this exchange.
Love's peaceful force and faith kept me content;
Ten thousand anagrams I wrote and sent,
Until no words were there to rearrange.
Life was these lights - so, on this heavy note,
Life never ends for someone who is whole;
You only reach a point where life's too numb.
Right now, I wish I'd chased that one big goal;
I wish I had... but now, it's so remote.
Perhaps, for once, I'd lie down and succumb.

Adie Pena with:
"AUGUST rushes by like desert rainfall,
A flood of frenzied upheaval,
Expected,
But still catching me unprepared.
Like a matchflame
Bursting on the scene,
Heat and haze of crimson sunsets.
Like a dream
Of moon and dark barely recalled,
A moment,
Shadows caught in a blink.
Like a quick kiss;
One wishes for more
But it suddenly turns to leave,
Dragging summer away."

[Elizabeth Maua Taylor]

=

SEPTEMBER beckons
A full harvest moon
Gleaming on a gentle lake.
A colourful tableau
In dazzling hues;
Its fallen burgundy leaves
Litter a muddied backyard.
As a sapphire sky turns dark,
A mist of melancholy,
A past of weathered sadness
Consumes me.
Tucked by a crackling fire,
I dream of dusks ahead,
I remember the great autumn equinox.
The chill of old winter
Awaits in the horizon.

Meyran Kraus with:
Stopping by woods on a snowy evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

=

Keeping vigil on the night of a wake

Us peers and kin and friendly folk
Have rendezvoused to praise this bloke
And yet, it's quite the downward slope
For all the grief this might evoke.

The key is not to weep and mope
If we are hungering to cope;
We'd sip some beers and have some fun -
He'd like it, too (or so we hope).

And so, we hear the stories spun
Of who he was or what he's done,
Yet know his fable as a whole
Might not be known to anyone.

The heavy loss might take its toll,
Yet we should remedy this hole;
We raise some pints to bless his soul,
We raise some pints to bless his soul.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Victor
by C. W. Longenecker

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will.
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are out classed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of your-self before
You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

=

"They themselves are makers of themselves by virtue
of the thoughts which they choose and encourage." *

Outlook

The slanderous outlook is
fiendish, wayward, brazenly nefarious.

The cowardly outlook is
wincing, wary, weepy, neurotically cautious.

The indifferent outlook is
an iffy anonymity, obstinately uncurious.

The reverent outlook is
subtle, fair, beneficently contagious.

The courageous outlook is
fortuity, worthy, winningly glorious.

* Footnote: In the foreword of witty Allen's tiny
but noteworthy book, "As a Man Thinketh".
(Buy it now!)

Ellie Dent with:
A SILLY POEM (Spike Milligan)

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

=

SLICK SKILL

Ah, Will, methinks, a 'polyglot',
He often made up words, a lot,
For he had capabilities,
Phenomenal abilities.

Count of Nominations by Author

= Nom in all categories (not counting Rude & Unspecified)

Dharam Khalsa	21	(gen 6, ent 3, top, ppl, oth, med, lng, spc 2, awc 5)
Adie Pena	18	(gen 5, ent, top 2, ppl 2, oth 2, med 2, lng, spc, awc, rud)
Tony Crafter	14	(gen, ent 2, top 3, ppl, oth, med, lng, spc 2, awc, rud)
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons	14	(gen 4, ent 2, top 2, ppl 3, oth 2, awc)
Meyran Kraus	13	(gen 2, ent, top 3, oth, med, lng, spc 2, awc, rud)
Rik Sengupta	11	(gen 7, ppl, oth, rud 2)
View	10	(gen, ent, top 3, ppl, oth, awc, rud 2)
Ellie Dent	8	(gen, ent, top, ppl, med, lng, spc, awc)
Rosie Perera	8	(gen 2, ent, top 2, ppl, oth, med)
David Bourke	8	(gen 2, ent, ppl 2, med 2, awc)
Scott Gardner	7	(ent 6, ppl)
Ivan Andonov	6	(gen, ent, top, ppl, oth, awc)
Larry Brash	5	(gen 2, med, awc 2)
Neil Ramsay	5	(gen, top, ppl, spc, awc)
Christopher Sturdy	4	(gen, oth, med, spc)
Andrew Brehaut	3	(ent, top, awc)
Ed Pegg Jr	3	(gen 3)
Mey K	2	(ent, ppl)
Rick Rothstein	2	(oth, rud)
Tom Myers	2	(gen, top)
New Kid	1	(gen)
HSP	1	(rud)
Ellie	1	(oth)
Don Rogers	1	(ent)

The Anagrammy Awards

Current Nominations for August, 2010 [168]

THE GENERAL CATEGORY [41 nominations]