The Special Category

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901

[Anagrammed Ten-Letter Word Square]

1. D E S C E N D A N T
2. E C H E N E I D A E
3. S H O R T C O A T S
4. C E R B E R U L U S
5. E N T E R O M E R E
6. N E C R O L A T E R
7. D I O U M A B A N A
8. A D A L E T A B A T
9. N A T U R E N A M E
10.T E S S E R A T E D

1. A son
2. A sea creature
3. Neat, cute breed
4. An ant
5. Seen chromosome structure
6. Dead endearment
7. A locale
8. A site
9. Earth "brand"
10. Be tiled


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902

TAKE A CHANCE ON ME
By
Abba

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you
It's magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(Come on, give me a break will you?)
Take a chance on me

Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It's magic
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

CONNECT WITH ME!
A boogie by
Gordon 'Honesty' Brown

If you feel some doubt, thinking I lack clout,
Take it from a Scot,
I'm the best you've got,
If you need me then you must help me fight the fight,
Tell me if I'm doin' wrong, if I'm doin' right.
If I feel alone when voters all have flown,
Here's a humble plea
Take a chance on me;
Gonna do my very best to obtain your trust,
Keep you on your feet, aye aye, not let you go bust.

Take a chance on me
(Gee, be thankful I am not oily A.Blair)
Aye, take a chance on me.

We can go far and we can gain power, between us, if together,
Gain a new image, treasure the hour, aye things can get better!
'Cause you know I've got
So much I wanna do, pay off loans overdue,
Like magic,
Don't make me flee, I'm bound
To turn my nation around,
Aye, I think you know,
Ye can't let me go.

If you change your mind, I'm the man in line,
Take it from a Scot,
I'm the best you've got,
If you need me then you must help me fight the fight,
Tell me if I'm doin' wrong, if I'm doin' right.
If I feel alone when voters all have flown,
Here's a humble plea,
Take a chance on me,
Gonna do my very best to obtain your trust,
Keep you on your feet, aye aye, not let you go bust.

Take a chance on me
(Gee, be thankful I am not idiot A.Blair)
Aye, take a chance on me.

You can take your time, show me
That you want to know me, yes see I am bubbly,
See I'm not broody, weak, mean or moody, agree I am lovely,
I wanna tell you that
My nerve is strong enough, to abide when things get tough,
I'm magic;
You say I'm a waste of space but baby it ain't the case,
Aye, I think you know,
Ye won't let me go.

I may be a Jock, but I really rock,
And at least I care,
Not like Tony Blair,
I'm agile as hell, tho' I look flabby
I am neat as well, tho' I look shabby.
If I feel alone, and my voters all have flown,
Here's a humble plea,
Take a chance on me,
Gonna do my very best, with efficiency
If you take a chance and connect with me.
(Aye connect, aye connect, aye connect to me).

A-ba na na na naa, a-ba na na na naa,
Choose efficiency
And connect with me,
Gonna do my very best to unite my flock,
To go forth again, not turnin' back the clock.
(Aye connect, aye connect, aye connect to me)

A-ba ba na na naa, a-ba na na na naa,
ba-ba.
Let your heart beat free
And connect to me


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903

JUNE
Shi Tao
Translated by Chip Rolley

My whole life

Will never get past "June"
June, when my heart died
When my poetry died
When my lover
Died in romance's pool of blood

June, the scorching sun burns open my skin
Revealing the true nature of my wound
June, the fish swims out of the blood-red sea
Toward another place to hibernate
June, the earth shifts, the rivers fall silent
Piled up letters unable to be delivered to the dead

JOIN

Since our youth

We've been hesitant to join,
Join the rebel Fathers
By the battleground
Of yellowed emancipation.
Tell all lulled men ...

Join the crusade versus the starved oppression;
The horrible myth underhandedly levelled, rebuked.
Join the tempestuous war against tyranny,
While we shed subservience for autonomy.
Join the widespread fight for freedom,
The warmth of independence, slowly upheld ... triumphant.

=


JUMP

All our lives

We've feared to Hop, Skip and Jump.
With divine Liberty butchered anew,
They slew Freedom's content.
"Jump!" went our hearts
After an eerie Fall.

Jump into one tiny Hellhole to evade
The sinewy Stranglehold of Hades;
Jump over at the bloody barbed wire fence
To loosely untie Delusion and see Distress;
Jump through the inherently unholy barricade
And bolt from the unenlightened wretchedness in History.


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904

"The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World", a list including only great structures around the Mediterranean rim (the number "seven" was used as the Greeks did believe that number to be a magical sign):

* Pyramids, Egypt
* Hanging Gardens of Babylon (built by Nebuchadnezzar II)
* Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
* Statue of Greek God Zeus at Olympia
* Marble Tomb of King Mausolus Halicarnassus
* Colossus of Rhodes in Aegean Sea
* Pharos at Alexandria, Egypt

Seven Wonders of the Medieval World
(written in the Middle Ages, adding several):

* Colosseum of Rome
* Catacombs of Alexandria, Egypt
* Great Wall of China
* Stonehenge of Salisbury Plain, England
* Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy
* The Porcelain Tower of Nanjing, China
* Mosque of St. Sophia in Constantinople (now Istanbul, Turkey)

Some of the above attractions are not on all "Medieval Wonders" lists. Other variations of medieval wonders include:

* Abu Simbel Temple, Egypt
* Angkor Wat, Cambodia
* Aztec Temple of Tenochtitlan, Mexico
* Banaue Rice Terraces, Philippines
* Borobudur Temple, Java, Indonesia
* Inca City of Machu Picchu, Peru
* Mayan Temples of Tikal, Guatemala
* Moai Statues of Easter Island, Rapa Nui, Chile
* Mont Saint-Michel, Normandy, France
* Parthenon, Athens, Greece
* Petra (Rock-Carved City) Jordan
* Shwedagon Pagoda, Myanmar
* Taj Mahal, Agra, India
* Temple of the Inscriptions at Palenque, Mexico
* Throne Hall of Persepolis, Iran

Seven Wonders of the Modern World:

* The Suez Canal
* The Eiffel Tower, Paris, France
* The Alaska Highway, Alaska, USA
* The Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, California, USA
* Empire State Building, New York, USA
* Dneproges Dam, Dnieper River, Ukraine
* The Panama Canal

Various "Modern Wonders" above are not on all lists. More international attractions include:

* Atomic Energy Research Establishment, Harwell, England
* Big Ben Clock Tower, London, England
* Channel Tunnel, England-France
* CN Tower, Toronto, Canada
* Gateway Arch, St. Louis, USA
* Aswan Dam, Egypt
* Hoover Dam, Arizona/Nevada, USA
* Itaipu Dam, Brazil/Paraquay
* Mount Rushmore, South Dakota, USA
* Petronas Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
* Statue of Cristo Redentor, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
* Statue of Liberty, New York, USA
* Sydney Opera House, Australia

The Seven Wonders of the Natural World (as documented in my home encyclopedia):

* Mount Everest, Nepal
* Victoria Falls, Africa
* Grand Canyon, Southwest USA
* Great Barrier Reef
* The Northern Lights
* Paricutin Volcano (new), Mexico
* The Harbor at Rio de Janeiro

Some of the above phenomena may not be seen used in all Natural Wonders lists. The same encyclopedia pages append these obvious wonders:

* Angel Falls, Venezuela
* Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia
* Blue Grotto, Capri, Italy
* Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico, USA
* Giant Sequoias, Yosemite, California, USA
* Iguaćú Falls, South America
* Krakatoa Island, Indonesia
* Mount Fuji, Japan
* Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania
* Niagara Falls, Ontario/New York
* Nile, Egypt
* Valley of Ten Thousand Smokes, Alaska, USA
* Yellowstone Falls, Wyoming, USA

Additionally, CEDAM International, a US-based group of people dedicated to protecting the aqueous ocean ecosystem, compiled the timeless "Seven Underwater Wonders of the World":

* Palau
* Belize Barrier Reef
* Galapagos Islands
* Northern Red Sea
* Lake Baikal, Siberia
* Great Barrier Reef
* Deep Sea Vents

"The Seven Wonders of the Industrial World", a document penned by UK author Deborah Cadbury analyzing phenomenal human feats of engineering of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, is quoted below:

* SS Great Eastern (steamship)
* Bell Rock Lighthouse/Signal Tower Museum
* Brooklyn Bridge, USA
* London sewerage system
* First Transcontinental Railroad
* The Panama Canal
* Hoover Dam

Popular travel/amusement writer Howard Hillman composed these simple lists recommending the top ten human-made and natural scenic places (in his opinion) to world tourists:

Best human-made travel wonders:

* Giza pyramid complex of Egypt
* Great Wall of China
* The Taj Mahal in India
* Machu Picchu, Peru
* Bali
* Angkor Wat, Cambodia
* Forbidden City, China
* Bagan Temples and Pagodas, Myanmar
* Karnak Temple, Egypt
* Teotihuacan, Mexico

Best natural travel wonders:

* Immense Serengeti Migration
* Galapagos Islands
* The Grand Canyon, Southwest USA
* Iguazu Falls, Argentina
* Amazon Rainforest
* Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania
* The Great Barrier Reef
* Victoria Falls, Africa
* Bora Bora, South Pacific
* Cappadocia, Turkey


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905

HEALTH QUESTION-AND-ANSWER QUIZ.
By
Doctor Feelgood

Q: I have heard that a proper cardiovascular exercise regime can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that is it. Don't use them up exercising. Everything wears out in the end. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that is like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism for delivering the vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And an added pork chop can give you all of your recommended daily allowances of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled from wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bits so, happily, you get more added goodness that way. Beer is also made from grains. Cheers!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of having a regular daily exercise routine?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My attitude is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Are fried foods bad for you?
A: Oh dear me; you're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they are saturated in it. How could getting more of these vegetables be bad for you? It's ecology. Ok?

Q: Can sit-ups actively prevent me getting a little fat around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it actually makes it larger. Take note! You should only do sit-ups if you want a larger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans? Yes - another vegetable! Chocolate is the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I trust this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about accurate food and diet evaluation.

And remember:
Life should NOT be seen as a velvety walkway to the grave, with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive, svelte and well preserved body, but rather as a sideways skid - Chardonnay and corkscrew in one hand, chocolate-cake in the other, body used up and worn out - screaming, 'WHOOPEE! What a ride!'


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906

The Number of the Beast.

Iron Maiden.


I left alone, my mind was blank,
I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind.

What did I see? Could I believe?
That what I saw that night was real and not just fantasy

Just what I saw, in my old dreams
Were they reflections of my warped mind staring back at me?

'Cause in my dreams it's always there
The evil face that twists my mind and brings me to despair

--

Night was black, was no use holding back,
'Cause I just had to see was someone watching me.
In the mist dark figures move and twist,
Was all this for real or just some kind of hell.

Six six six; the Number of the Beast,
Hell and fire was spawned to be released.

Torches blazed and sacred chants were praised,
As they start to cry hands held to the sky.
In the night the fires are burning bright,
The ritual has begun Satan's work is done.

Six six six; the Number of the Beast,
Sacrifice is going on tonight.

This can't go on, I must inform the law
Can this still be real or just some crazy dream?
But I feel drawn towards the chanting hordes,
Seem to mesmerise... can't avoid their eyes.

Six six six; the Number of the Beast,
Six six six; the one for you and me.

--

I'm coming back, I will return.
And I'll possess your body and I'll make you burn.
I'll have the fire, I'll have the force.
I'll have the power to make my evil take its course.

The Neighbor of the Beast.

nr

In my wee house, I lived in peace,
Until those jerks moved in next door, and shacked up next to me.

They smashed my fence, and kicked my cats,
Their damn kids mimicked me, those selfish, witless brats.

They sit outside and drink stale booze,
With flash fake tans and lame tattoos.

At the weekends they brawl and wail,
As that deranged jackass always ends up in jail.

--

On my grass, their dog unloads its ass,
Scrawny unwashed mutt, I want to kick it's butt.
But if I do, rebuff it with a shoe,
That caveman next door will start a crazy war.


Six six eight; the neighbor of the beast
Those trolls next door are giving me no peace.

They're always smashed, mammalian white trash,
Common criminals, and a swarm of animals.
They swear and curse, or do stuff even worse
They're just unneighborly, The ASBO Family.

Six six eight; the neighbor of the beast
Out on bail, my nemesis released.

This must now cease, time to tell the police,
Called nine nine nine, just in time.
As we guessed, another dumb arrest,
More daft fines for their ruthless crimes.

Six six eight; the neighbor of the beast
At Six six eight Midsomer Murders Street,

--

I'm fighting back, with Neighborhood Watch
I'll buy a USB webcam for my porch.
I'll be real smart, and I will survive,
I'll sit and wait and reinforcements will arrive.