The Special Category

Anagrammy Awards > Voting Page - Special Category


An optional explanation about the anagram in green, the subject is in black, the anagram is in red.

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901

Welcome

And suddenly
a fierce gust of wind surged into my room
unleashing a storm
The curtains flapped wildly, scattered
the glassware on the table
Its pages aflutter, a book hurriedly covered its face
The inkpot dived, festooned
blank sheets with colour
The pictures on the walls craned their necks in surprise
to cast a glance upon you

Come again
like this

and engulf
my room.

(Indian poet Gulzar)

March

March arrived
leapt up like the fierce lion on a rendevous
to tackle the agile gazelle
Winds sweep the sod desert cottages,
paint distant snowy mountain contours
Tiny daffodils spring up prematurely,
unaffected by thunderclouds
threatening to flood
Homing robins secure in dogwoods
study the area skies in delight
as each knows Nature's secret

March will
go out

peacefully
like a lamb.


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902

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
(From the Walt Disney movie)

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast

Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun (certain as the sun)
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast

Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast

HE'S STONE-AGE!
(Features an artless nineteen-year-old and eerie senior)

Playboy centrespread,
That is what I am;
Curvy, cute and blonde,
Eager to respond,
Gentle as a lamb.

I am just nineteen,
A sexy pussycat,
My guy's name is Hugh,
Over eighty-two,
Fertile as a rat.

Never I'll be sad
Ever I'll be true
He's so great in bed
Wants us to get wed
Have ten babies (true!)

He is neat and suave,
Cool as any cat,
Serenades my breasts
Calls them turbo-jets
But no, I don't mind that!

Let us marry soon (get us married fast!)
At least before he's dead,
Then I'll get the cash,
Jesus, it's a stash!
It's a lotta bread!

I'm nineteen and swell,
He's as old as hell,
Beauty and a beast.


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903

When all the trees have been cut down,
When all the animals have been hunted,
When all the waters are polluted,
When all the air is unsafe to breathe,
Only then will you discover you cannot eat money.

(Cree Prophecy)

When all currency's without a value,
When all home debts have been foreclosed,
When all bureaucracies are dishonest,
When even the healthy are unemployed,
Only then will we pay attention to the planet.

(Another)


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904

A husband and wife are travelling by motorcar from Brisbane to Melbourne.

After almost 10 hours on the road, they're far too tired to continue and decide to stop for a rest.

They park outside a nice-looking hotel and book a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours or so and then get back on the road.

When they wake up and check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $450.

The man explodes and demands to know why the price is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it is a nice hotel, the price is outrageous. And, whilst admitting that the rooms are nice too, they're certainly not worth this ridiculous amount.

When the clerk tells him $450 is their standard rate, the man is insistent on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, then explains that the hotel boasts a proper Olympic-sized pool and big conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to use. 'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.

'Well, they were here, and you could've done,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain that they could have taken in one of their shows, for which the hotel was famous. 'The finest entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again.

'Well, we have them, and you could've done,' the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity is mentioned, the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!' The officious Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to him.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'I think you've slipped up sir,' he says, 'this cheque's only made out for $50.00.'

'No slip - that figure is correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could've done!'

Last Tuesday, we took some friends for a meal at a homely new restaurant called 'Mamma Mia's', and noticed that the waiter who took our order had a spoon in his shirt pocket, which seemed a tad strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back, I decided to challenge him. 'Hello! Why the spoon?' I said.

'Ah, well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Hallam Consultants to revamp all our procedures. And, after several months of analysis, they concluded that the one most frequently dropped utensil was the common spoon. It represents an average drop frequency of 4.00 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are more ably prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 14.50 man-hours every shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he immediately exchanged it for his spare. 'I'll get another one next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get one now,' he smiled cheerfully.

I also noticed that there seemed to be string hanging from his fly.

Gazing around, I saw that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I challenged him again. 'Can you please tell me why you have string ... there?'

'Ha ha; certainly,' he smiled. Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone's so observant! You see, the same consulting firm also learned that we can save time in the men's room. By tying the string to the end of our 'thingy', we can haul it out without touching it and remove the need to manually wash our hands, thus shortening the time spent in the men's room by 50.45%.

I asked quietly, 'Excuse me, but, after you get it out, how do you, ahem ... put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'


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905

WRITTEN IN MARCH
by William Wordsworth

The cock is crowing,
The stream is flowing,
The small birds twitter,
The lake doth glitter
The green field sleeps in the sun;
The oldest and youngest
Are at work with the strongest;
The cattle are grazing,
Their heads never raising;
There are forty feeding like one!

Like an army defeated
The snow hath retreated,
And now doth fare ill
On the top of the bare hill;
The plowboy is whooping—anon-anon:
There's joy in the mountains;
There's life in the fountains;
Small clouds are sailing,
Blue sky prevailing;
The rain is over and gone!

While resting on the Bridge at the foot of Brothers Water

ThE placid lake
CoNtains the wake
Of Generations past.
WiLl the inner mind last,
DrAwing memories of old?
HiNdering the shrine, alas! --
SaD lament at Kirkstone Pass,
JuSt grieve then in Patterdale.
WePt; hear Ambleside wail:
"ShOres with a lie we hold!"

WhEn thoughts I'm thinking,
InTertwining, then sinking...
VaLley of the deer
ReAlizing a tear,
MoUrning a story often told.
I'd Rescue the rare schelly
ThEy showed on the telly
LeArning the fate of others.
BuT the two young brothers
ArE forever lost in an icy cold.


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906