901

VINCENT
by
Don McLean

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

{Refrain}
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue

Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

{Refrain}

For they could not love you
But still, your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could've told you, Vincent
This world was never meant
For one as beautiful as you

Starry, Starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn, a bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will.

PARIS TUNNEL HYMN
Final Torment Of A Princess.

Starry Paris night,
In that wrecked Mercedes car,
A body, broken, torn and marred,
Whose gaze rests on the dirty tunnel walls.

Frenzy at the crash,
Strangers shout and the cameras flash,
To film her lying in that smash,
As the light forever fades in those blue eyes.

{Refrain}
The Royals never knew,
What you tried to say to them,
How you suffered, lonely, shy, in vain,
And they all ignored your pain,
They did not listen, no they weren't aware,
Maybe they didn't care.

Classy, classy sight,
In the Ritz, you looked divine,
You didn't know Death's grand design
Was lurking in that sad French tunnel's gloom.

How it stunned the world,
When they heard that fateful news,
No one could believe it true,
No, not our Princess, no, it cannot be.

{Refrain}

Yet they strived to save you,
They did all they could do,
But, though you'd shone so very bright
On that sorry, sorry night,
You lost your life and we lost something too,
Now I guess we all know Princess,
There'll never be another soul as beautiful as you.

Starry, sorry night,
Why did fate not let you live?
Why should one with more to give,
Be snuffed out like a candle in the wind?

So, what's life all about?
If soon over in a twist of fate?
From being there, wrong time, wrong place,
With no eternal plan to light the way?

Will we know the truth?
Why that driver lost control?
Did that man's penchant for strong alcohol
Take its harsh and senseless toll?
Now Princess you've found immortality,
For all eternity.

902

[The anagram reveals, as an acrostic, the reason why autumn leaves are not green]

LEAVES

How silently they tumble down
And come to rest upon the ground
To lay a carpet, rich and rare,
Beneath the trees without a care,
Content to sleep, their work well done,
Colors gleaming in the sun.

At other times, they wildly fly
Until they nearly reach the sky.
Twisting, turning through the air
Till all the trees stand stark and bare.
Exhausted, drop to earth below
To wait, like children, for the snow.

NATURE'S WAY

Outside that clear window I see
Change in that natural tapestry.
Hue thrust from a withering green,
Lovely tho' to be touched or seen.
Orange with brown and yellow;
Red and that rust so mellow.

Oh, thrilled to get that better look,
Picking my tattered sketchbook...
Hope I'll capture that new scenery.
Yesterday's hard truth exists in me --
Lonely he'll end in the Fall.
Listen, I hear North Winter call!

903

[The angram reveals, as an acrostic, the name of the author of te poem]

NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold,

Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

REGRETS AHEAD

Life has no strength,
Easier effort nor length.

Ebony-shrouded afternoon,
Fall was dealt so soon.

Rotting ballads unsung,
Older ideas and the young.

Seconds though of the day
Ticking so slowly away.

904

A woman brought her very limp-looking pet duck Jojo into her local veterinary surgery. As she placed her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened very carefully to the bird's chest.

After a minute or two, the veterinary surgeon shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid your duck has passed away."

The distraught woman wailed, "Oh, no, not my poor Jojo! How sure are you?"

"How sure am I? I am very sure. The duck is definitely dead," replied the vet.

"Ah, but how can you be so certain?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He may just be snoozing or in a deep coma or something."

The surgeon rolled his eyes as he turned and left the room.

He came back a few minutes later with a brown Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with very gloomy eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a ginger cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to webbed-feet. Then the cat sat back on his haunches, shook his head, meowed and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and sighed, "Well, I am sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a deceased duck."

He went to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he gave to the woman.

The bird's owner, still in shock, looked at the bill. "Good heavens! $1500.00?" she gasped, "$1500.00 just to tell me my poor Jojo has died?"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry.If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have only been $50.00, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500.00."

A man was walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker caught his eye.

He struck up a conversation and eventually asked, 'How much do you charge?'

The hooker replied, 'It starts at $500 for a hand-job.'

'$500 dollars?!' spluttered the man. 'Hell, no hand-job's worth that kind of money!'

The hooker said, 'Do you see that Denny's on the corner?'

'Yes.'

'Do you see that Denny's a block further down?'

'Yes.'

'And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?'

'Yes.'

'Well,' added the hooker, smiling, 'I own them. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.'

The man said, 'What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.'

They retired to a motel.

A short time later, slumped on the bed, the man admitted that he'd just had the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every cent of $500. He was so amazed, he said, 'I suppose a blow-job's $1,000?'

The hooker replied, '$1,500.'

'That's daft! I'd never pay that for a blow-job.'

The hooker murmured, 'Step over to the window, buddy.'

'See that casino across the street? I own it outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500.'

The man, still basking in the memory of that terrific hand-job, decided to put off the tempting new car for a further year, and said, 'Ok, dammit, I'm up for it!'

Ten minutes later, he sat on the bed more amazed than before. He could scarcely believe it but, he concurred that he'd truly got his money's worth.

He decided to dip into the retirement savings for just one more unforgettable experience. He asked the hooker, 'How much for some pussy?'

The hooker replied, 'Come over here, there's something I want you to see.

'D'you see Las Vegas laid out before us? All those vivid lights, splendid gambling palaces, and lustrous show places?'

'Dammit!' the man said, in awe, 'You own the whole goddamn city?'

No,' the hooker replied, 'but I would if I had a pussy.'

905

[The anagram reveals an acrostic]

Music
A poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory--
Odors, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heaped for the beloved's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.

Movies of Yesterday

Movies of yesterday enthuse, still enchant:
Outlaws, behemoths, thieves on high steeds,
Villains, werewolves - they disenchant;
Idols, swashbucklers, with Humphrey Bogart-ish deeds,
Embrace fine honey, one Hepburn-like lover.
Speeches to quote, noble themes we discover!

906

1. Someone who is dazzlingly skilled in any field, 2. A person of no refinement; barbarian, 3. Famous soccer club from Rome, 4. Compartment in an automobile that carries luggage or shopping or tools, 5. Short underpants for women or children (usually used in the plural), 6. A notch or open space between two merlons in a crenelated battlement, 7. The name of American model, actress and singer Tisdale, 8. A period of time when something (as a machine or factory) is functioning and available for use, 9. A fictional character from the Hellraiser series; also a term for an ignorant or foolish person

Use the definitions to fill up all nine pieces with letters, in the order of given numbers. After that, set all the pieces on the diagram 6x8. Puzzle pieces may be rotated, but not reflected, and pieces with same colour may not touch each other, not even diagonally. If you do all correctly, as a solution you will get the name of the recent international competition for puzzlers.

As a help, on the diagram are letters of Will Shortz, the founder of international competition from the solution.

		W			L
		Z				H
			O		S
	I						L
		T		R

The Solution (opens in a new window/tab)