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Charles Clarkson and his pal Sam decided to go skiing, so they loaded up Charles's van and headed north.
After travelling for some hours, they got caught in a bad snowstorm, so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could shelter there for the night.
'I realise that it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she said. 'The neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Oh, don't worry,' Charles said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather clears up, we'll be gone in the morning.'
The lady agreed. The men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared and the men headed off to enjoy an excellent weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Charles got an unexpected letter from a lawyer. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally decided it must be from the lawyer of the attractive widow he'd met on the skiing trip.
He dropped in on Sam and asked, 'Do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our skiing trip up north about nine months ago?'
'Yes, I do,' replied Sam.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the night and go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well... yes,' Sam said, a bit embarrassed at being found out. 'I have to admit, I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of yours?'
Sam's face turned as red as a beetroot. 'Yes, I'm sorry Charles; I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
TEODORO, THE MIDDLE-AGED LOTHARIO.
Teodoro, a middle-aged but reputedly virile Italian gentleman, was having a drink at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract the attention of a spectacular young blonde woman.
They chatted for a while and things duly progressed to the point where he took her back to his apartment. After more drinks and witty chat on his part, they retired to the bedroom, where he rattled her senseless...
After their joyful activity, he asked with a happy smile, 'So, you finish, yes?'
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'
Somewhat deflated, but keen to live up to his mighty reputation, Teodoro reached for her and they resumed their intimacy. This time they made love with added voracity and there were howls of wild passion. The furious sex finally ended and, again, he smiled and asked, 'You finish, yes?'
After a short pause, the woman returned his smile, cuddled up closer to him and softly murmured, 'No.'
Mamma mia! Stunned, but determined not to leave this magnificent woman unsatisfied, Teodoro reached for her yet again. Summoning up the very last of his strength, he was barely able to get through it, but they finally ended together screaming joyfully, bucking, clawing and ripping at the bed sheets. Wow, dynamite!
The exhausted Teodoro fell onto his back, groggy and gasping. Barely able to turn his head toward her, he looked into the woman's eyes, smiled and asked, 'You finish?'
Hardly able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered, 'No, I Norwegian.'