901

ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL (PART II)
By
Pink Floyd

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! teachers! leave them kids alone!
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! teachers! leave us kids alone!
All in all you're just a another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just a another brick in the wall.

"Wrong, do it again!"
"Wrong, do it again!"
"If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. how can you
Have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
"You! yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddy!"

LEAVE OUR KATE ALONE
By
Her Majesty

One don't want no degradation
No camera-hounders on the prowl
No vulgar pics in a bad French mag
Stalkers, leave our Kate alone
Hey! stalker! leave our Kate alone
Bloody hell, you know she's just an innocent girl.

She don't need continual hounding
Like they did with Lady Di
Robbed of liberty and life, oh
Stalkers, leave our Kate alone
Hey! stalker! leave our Kate alone
Bloody hell, you know she's just an innocent girl.

(rap)
You did do wrong
Now, let her be
The juicy pics
God, they ain't chic
That's rude and sick
And cynical, we ain't amused
With all that clinical attitude
A timid, newly-married woman
Needs a chance, she's only human
Y'all show some dedication
Not that uncouth titillation
She ain't no Harry
Let her tarry!

902

A PIZZA THE SIZE OF THE SUN
by Jack Prelutsky

I'm making a pizza the size of the sun,
a pizza that's sure to weigh more than a ton,
a pizza too massive to pick up and toss,
a pizza resplendent with oceans of sauce.

I'm topping my pizza with mountains of cheese,
with acres of peppers, pimentos, and peas,
with mushrooms, tomatoes, and sausage galore,
with every last olive they had at the store.

My pizza is sure to be one of a kind,
my pizza will leave other pizzas behind,
my pizza will be a delectable treat
that all who love pizza are welcome to eat.

The oven is hot, I believe it will take
a year and a half for my pizza to bake.
I hardly can wait till my pizza is done,
my wonderful pizza the size of the sun.

PIZZA HEAVEN THE REST OF MY LIFE

My simple pizza is a good food I prize;
Yes, love a homemade pizza that's eaten nice!
Must have a pizza, so healthy at breakfast.
Of course, that huge pizza won't be the last!

Now a popular pizza to work I must pack;
This pizza I'll swallow is my morning snack!
How about a heavenly pizza just for lunch?
One happy pizza meal again, easy to munch!

Favorite week-old pizzas always won't hurt;
One yummy pizza, I'll taste it for dessert!
Cheese tomato pizza to satiate me soon;
The same little pizza I will eat this afternoon.

Olive-topped I vote as a sure winner;
Big deep-dish pizza will be my dinner!
End the day with a bedtime snack;
Reheat these pizzas before I hit the sack!

903

Turn Again To Life, written by Mary Lee Hall

If I should die and leave you here a while,
Be not like others, sore undone, who keep

Long vigil by the silent dust, and weep.
For my sake - turn again to life and smile,

Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort other hearts than thine.

Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.

Humanity: Ahead In A Defeat, by the Weary Author.

If I should fail and need to try again
Be not long stricken, or be too concerned

Still thinking of those glories yet unearned.
For my sake, contemplate heady times then

Nerving thy mind and suffering temp'rament
Help me work through this ever hopeless blame.

And while all endeavour to do the same
I toil, I win, I flourish here, content!

904

[A three-way Halloween crossword includes ten of this year's most popular children's Halloween costumes. The letters in the completed grid are an anagram of both the "ACROSS" and "DOWN" clues, which are anagrams of each other. ]

ACROSS 1. A trap 5. "Arr" 10. Fly! (3,4) 11. A wind instrument 12. Bruce Wayne 15. Baboon 16. Eerie gourd 17. EU's cash 18. Taint 19. A team player 20. ___line 22. A pre-Soviet-era head 25. Zealously keener 27. Prelate 28. Make hot once more 30. I eat aphids 31. A biter 32. Meet 33. Limp

DOWN 2. Mutant 3. Unweave; unknit 4. Mule feed 5. Drop 6. Wits 7. A toy 8. Triple 9. Attorney 13. Crazier 14. Peel area's hair 15. Cooler 20. An inebriate 21. Hid 23. Bespoke 24. Laces a shoe again 25. A yummy brain tempts me 26. Bored area 29. Leer 31. A pet healer

905

[A DIAGRAMLESS CROSSWORD PUZZLE

This is a diagramless symmetrical nine-by-nine crossword puzzle wherein the definitions are an anagram of this introduction and the solution. If completed correctly, a relevant three-word title will appear.]

1 THE
4 ROMA
8 RAYS
10 ELAL
11 INET
12 DATA
13 ODD OR EVEN
15 NAS
16 INVISIBLE
23 RARE
24 GOAT
25 ALAS
26 NONO
27 HOYT
28 MAN

1 TRIO
2 HAND
3 EYED
4 REDESIGN
5 OLAV
6 MATE
7 ALAN
9 STONIEST
14 RAS
16 IRAH
17 NALO
18 VRAY
20 BOOM
21 LANA
22 ETON

ACROSS
1, 16 and 28 See the puzzle's inspiration!
4 "Fellini's __"
8 Gamma __
10 Airline
11 Aid to investor
12 Reading
13 Numerical choice set
15 A rap man
23 Too notable
24 Nanny
25 It is too sad!
26 Blunder; travesty
27 LaMarr __

DOWN
1 A threesome
2 Ayah; amah
3 Noted
4 To alter
5 Norway head
6 Attendant
7 __ Alda
9 Hardest
14 Protein family
16 When LOL (or LMAO) is not valid
17 Sci-fi writer
18 A rendering engine
20 Noise
21 One very lovely star
22 The Brit school

906

Re "The Sound of Music."
Here are some lyrics:
Doe, a deer, a female deer.
Ray, a drop of golden sun.
Me, a name I call myself.
Far, a long, long way to run.
Sew, a needle pulling thread,
La, a note to follow Sew,
Tea, a drink with jam and bread!
That will bring us back to Do!

Now random canned Simpson:
Dough, green stuff to procure Duff.
Ray, a sun's why barley grows.
Me, a bloke who's earned a jar.
Far, laid dead end road to Moe's.
So, I'll take a brew in ice,
La, a little ale lament,
Tea? No ta; hey ale, well nice!
Marge'll lug me fried to D'oh!

907

'It's just too hot for clothes today,' George gasped as he stepped out of the shower; 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would say if I mowed the grass naked?'
'Probably that I married you for your money!'
*

A man was telling his next-door neighbour, "I've just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's got real state of the art technology."
"Oh, really?" gulped the neighbour... so, what kind is it?"
"Five thirty."
*

A man visits a sorcerer and says, "Can you remove a toxic curse that was put on me seven years ago?"
"Perhaps," nods the sorcerer, "do you recall the words of that curse?"
The guy replies, "I now pronounce you man and wife".
*

A feminist went out to Kabul after the fall of the Taliban and was far from happy to see all of the women walking 5 paces behind the men.
A year later, she returned to find all of the men walking 5 paces behind the women. 'What brought about the change?' she asked her guide.
'Landmines,' he replied.
*

"Why are you jumping up and down like that?"
"I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle."
*

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins The Lottery'?
*

Why didn't Noah swat those two little mosquitoes?
*

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and washing-up liquid made with real lemons?
*

My wife's TV dinners just melt in the mouth. I do wish she'd defrost them first.
*

A fish staggers into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the barman.
The fish croaks, "Water"
*

Last night I was sitting viewing TV when I heard my wife Peggy's voice from the kitchen: 'What would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef, veal or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you Peggy, I'll have veal'.
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the dog!'
*

Due to a water shortage in Ireland, all Dublin swimming pools have announced they are closing lanes 1 and 2...
*

A Muslim's been shot with a starting pistol; police say it is definitely race related...
*

What is the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pit-bull humping your leg?
The pit-bull gets to finish.
*

What is the difference between an Irish woman and an Irish goddess?
About 5 pints.
*

Two vampires walked into a bar and summoned the bartender.
"I will have a glass of blood," hissed one.
"And I will have a glass of plasma," hissed the other.
"Right away, sirs,' said the bartender; "so, that'll be one blood and one blood lite."
*

When you attend court, just remember that you are entrusting your fate to twelve people who weren't intelligent enough to get out of jury duty!
*

Mystified judge to jury: "What possible reason could you have for acquitting this man?"
"Insanity," said the foreman.
'What, all of you?"
*

The wayward lag in the dock said, "As God is my judge, I am not guilty."
The magistrate replied: "He's not. I am. You are. 5 years."
*

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store for their medicine prescriptions while the healthy can buy their cigarettes at the front?
*

Why do banks leave the vault doors open and then chain their pens to the counters?
*

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars out in our driveways yet put our useless junk in the garage?
*

A man is watching golf on television but he keeps switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having sex.
"Hmm... I don't know whether to watch the movie or the golf", he says to his wife.
"For heaven's sake, watch the movie," his wife says. "You already know how to play golf!"
*

Last night I reached behind the bed for my liquid Viagra and accidentally drank from a bottle of Tippex. I awoke this morning with a huge correction.
*

My wife recommended I get myself a penis enlarger, so I did. She is 21, naughty, and her name is Nina.
*

I was sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen; the ungrateful swines.
All I said was, 'Hurry up, some of us have got homes to go to!'
*

908

Doctor Foster poem

Doctor Foster
Went to Gloucester
In a shower of rain.
He stepped in a puddle
Right up to his middle
And never went there again!

Doctor Foster poem

Proceeding to Dent
Our adventurer went
Amid high furies of snow.
Poor fellow! Teeth chattered!
Pale Doc got shattered!
In noise, RIP tramp ends so.

909

Spirits of the Dead
A poem by Edgar Allan Poe

Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid dark thoughts of the grey tombstone -
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy:

Be silent in that solitude
Which is not loneliness - for then
The spirits of the dead who stood
In life before thee are again
In death around thee - and their will
Shall then overshadow thee: be still.

For the night - tho' clear - shall frown
And the stars shall look not down
From their high thrones in the Heaven,
With light like Hope to mortals given -
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever:

Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish -
Now are visions ne'er to vanish -
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more - like dew-drop from the grass:

The breeze - the breath of God - is still
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy - shadowy - yet unbroken,
Is a symbol and a token -
How it hangs upon the trees,
A mystery of mysteries!

[A Poe poem anagrammed into a haunted poem for Halloween - in which a ghost actually appears when you squint]

The Horrors of Halloween

How truly happy are those boys and girls
That all receive bright mints in spooky shapes
Or zany lollipops with rainbow swirls,
To hold or eat in hokey hats or capes.
Yes, it is fun to do that, to forget,
But I am hapless as a half-believer -
Yet in a fashion I do not regret,
For all that feel the bitter truth will shiver;
That shadow on those homes then overwhelms -
Death tensely keeps its hold on those limp minds,
For an indifferent tone spreads through that realm
As each forgetful fool in there turns blind.
And that inhuman hush I felt each night
Amid the shadows and on filthy streets,
It might foretell a raw and sober fright
When I'd encounter some vile ghosts in sheets:
The shy, distinguished harbingers of sorrow,
They look attentively, then scheme to end
The human infestation in their borough
With moody Halloween around the bend...
A darkness overtook this hollow globe,
And when we choose to yield, we'll be enrobed.

[And for a clearer vision]

910

There once was a sportsman called Lance
Who seven times won Tours of France,
But the guys he defeated
Claim that he cheated
And their lawyers say: "Repay those grants".

Some prat had testicular cancer,
A fault to which drugs serve an answer.
These effects made one healthy -
Does he need to be wealthy?
Now money's tight as lycra pants are!